Why Humans Shouldn't be Allowed in Equestria

“Amazing...” I panted out. We were exhausted. Two hours, and I lost count how many sessions. Wasn't gonna be able to do that again for a while. Well, about a half-hour of it was teaching the form, but still. So we were wiped out, and both of us absolutely reeked of sex. Aranea didn't seem to be tired from the exertion. I figured she was in the equivalent of a Thanksgiving-grade food coma. We simply leaned against the tree next to each other, and rested, each lost in our thoughts.

Again, I wondered if I was using her. She honestly had nothing and no one else. I should feel guilty. She was hanging on to every word. Every word, every request was complied with like it was a demand from a king. So desperate to please. I started to rationalize it to myself. I was helping her. I was giving her everything she needed. Hell, she's better off right now than I am. Being one of those self-righteous white knight pricks must feel pretty damn good. I broke off the reverie at that high point and went to the next step. I needed a job.

After a nap.

A couple of hours later – or so, judging by the sun. I didn't know how to tell the exact time and didn't really care. We were up and back to fully aware. We gathered our clothes while I was reminding myself that I really need to explain the concept of underwear to someone that can sew. Keeping them at arms' length for the moment, Aranea led us to a brook on the edge of town. Washing off as well as possible and sun-drying ourselves, I got dressed again.

“Does this form always require clothing?” she asked me.

“'Fraid so. Humans don't put everything 'away' like ponies, so we always need cover. Plus it gets cold with no fur. Well, guess you know that too.” She put the dress back on, only slightly reluctant at the unfamiliar sensation. We were definitely overdressed, since the stuff was made for a party, but it's all we had. “Now, how do we get a job here?”

“Few places are hiring. Fewer still are willing to hire a changeling. I do not know what they will offer a human.” She was right. Not just the lack of regular employment, but employment for two that currently have two-thirds of the ruling class pissed at them – with the third, at best, a probable neutral. Plus, even if Rarity didn't narc on Aranea to everyone, if word got around via Twilight being human wasn't much better. We sojourned into town, hoping to run into blind luck. At least with a safe enough place to sleep and her eating habits, it was enough for a week or so of food for me. It'd probably be more, but I'm not a vegetarian. Beans would do for protein for a while, but I should probably find a way to hunt if things started looking bad. If griffins could get fish, suppose I could do that. Cuts down on cost too, though I'd probably have to make fishhooks myself. Been a long time since I was in the scouts, but something that basic couldn't be too hard, right?

There wasn't a damn thing in front of the stores. Asking around at places that looked welcoming enough showed the same. Don't know if it was because there really wasn't anything (Which was likely), or if it's because we were who we were (Statistically less likely, but very possible). After several hours we retreated to her little nook of the woods. We were dejected, but not defeated. There were enough bits for a little while, so a minor setback wasn't an issue. So we waited until everything opened again tomorrow to try again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

We were getting less than nowhere. Twilight must've influenced the ponies here. That bitch. So we decided to go inward instead of outward from the forest. There were no jobs here, sure, but it couldn't be any worse. Maybe we'd find something to junk, or a place where unintelligent species were – better known to me as 'food'. Aranea tried to talk to just about everything. Through that, we figured out what wasn't intelligent. Worked out well enough. I really like frog legs. We would've tried bigger things, but there was a big gap between 'frogs and fish' and 'fucking hydra'. I don't like not having my steel-toe boots, I could shatter any bone with a good shot from them. Being unarmed wasn't a good idea here. So we kept to the dirt paths someone carved out until we found a weird hut. There were carved masks on the outside of it, like what I'd seen on old documentaries, or close to it. We considered turning back, but curiosity was just too strong. What was anyone, pony or otherwise, doing out here? The sound of the door stopped any immediate retreat. A striped pony – wait, zebra. Anyway, she (Animosity towards Twilight aside, I did learn a lot about basic cues back there) came out and gave an inquisitive look at us.

“Who are these I've not seen before, these two strangers at my door?”

“This species talks. What does that motion mean?” as I put a finger to my lip. I really should've taught her what a 'shush' is earlier.

“I recognize that digit's push, similar enough to a pony's shush.” Well, I just made an ass out of myself. Sometimes I forget that there isn't that much of a difference between fingers and a stub when it's not about manual dexterity. Still don't know how they do some things without fingers. Aranea probably would've known it if she was really socialized.

“Uh, sorry, miss...”

“Zecora of the Everfree, you are here for potions I see?” We weren't, but anyone that wasn't looking at us with suspicion was welcome.

“Actually, we're looking for work.”

“Ah yes, the human I see. Twilight had told of you to me.” Shit. Thought it wouldn't have gone this far yet. “Luna was left quite irate, you seek this perception to abate.”

Aranea perked up, as much as can be noticed. She was still socially stiff. Not the good kind, damn she could... Not the time for thinking of that. Wonder how long she can go on that energy. Gotta get back to the point. “You are willing to give us the benefit of the doubt?”

“I was in a similar scene, ponie's fears should be weaned.” Finally a lead.

“So...” Had to be tactful here. Screw this up and we'd be sleeping on logs forever. “Thanks for understanding. What can we do for you?”

“I need but few bits myself, I can spare to fill my shelf.” She held up a hoof momentarily (Must be the 'be right back' sign without fingers) and returned inside, coming back with a small list and empty bag. Hoofing it to us, I read over it. The names were completely alien to me, but small descriptions told me it was for plants.

Nodding at the list “All of these are from around here?” Zecora nodded back. My preferred method of gardening was to stick it in the dirt and let nature take care of it. This was probably one of those things that was harder than it looked. I thought of a way to make it easier. “Any warnings for any of them?”

“Be mindful of the poison joke, it's strange effects on pony folk.” It wasn't on the list. Guess it's like poison ivy or something.

“It's magic?”

“From nature's magic it's derived, caution is most advised.”

“Good. I'll pick the ones around poison joke then.” Zecora displayed mild confusion at my lack of fear.

“The joke is more than just it's name, to fall to it would be a shame.”

“Oh, magic doesn't work on me.”

“While I was informed of your state of being, I did not think this resistance so extreme.”

“If alicorns can't touch me, a plant should be fine.”

“Be careful all the same, this is not some sort of game.”

“I will. Thanks again for the chance.” I wasn't going to be careful. Maybe I was getting too cocky. I took Aranea's hand and we left with a nod and a smile.