Why Humans Shouldn't be Allowed in Equestria

We started wandering through the Everfree with our 'shopping list' of herbs. Aranea led for the most part, since she's spent so much more time here. We still kept to the outskirts, or kept some path of retreat. Haven't seen any monsters yet, but just knowing they're out there kind of stays with you like that. Kind of like the forests in Midwest... I think... I got nothing. Whether I can't remember or there's no comparison I don't know right now. Maybe this place is starting to be my home world. No getting back now anyway. We were scanning at our feet, with me constantly checking the descriptions on the list.

The first couple were easy enough. Still don't know all about them – never really bothered to memorize the specifics. Think one was close to dill. Took a while to find another couple. One was a sort of grass simply called 'magic grass'. Heh, weed. Never was into it myself (That night did not end well), but whatever gets you going I guess. Another had a good amount mixed in with that poison joke. Ponies must've avoided trying for it. I walked right through the stuff and grabbed about three times what it said. Hey, herbs dry. It'll be fine. Funnily enough, the stuff looked like poison ivy. I was more hesitant to pick it than the joke at first, before I remembered I was somewhere else.

The last was marked 'optional'. It only grew in the swamplands further in. Not too far, mind you. Just enough to start really being paranoid about it. I decided it was worth it, and she agreed. If it was out of hope or me being the only source that wasn't treating her like a warm realdoll I don't know. As we wandered on, I got curious, and started asking questions.

“Hey, Aranea.”

“Yes, Nohbodi?”

“How long does that much love last for you? Or how much it was?”

“I do not know. No single changeling has accumulated this much in my life. For the second question, it was a large amount. Nearing what Shining Armor had supplied Q... former queen Chrysalis with. Not quite the same level, but reasonably close.”

“Oh yeah. Saw a drawing about that with the history. Why'd she still have the holes?”

“She represented the hive as a whole at that point. Even though she was filled with energy, it looked as if she was as hungry as the rest of us.”

“Huh.”

“Is it difficult to comprehend?”

“A little yeah. Back on Earth-” I stopped for a moment. 'Back on Earth'. Not 'back home' or anything like that. Didn't know what to make of it. “-leaders are figureheads most of the time. Nowhere near that kind of power.”

“Might we talk about your world, and the differences, later today?”

“Sure.” Aranea wasn't there for most of my talk with Twilight, and it'd be nice to have an honest talk instead of the kind that's just for history books.

For a moment I wondered if changelings can get fat from too much love. I didn't say anything – I'm shallow at times, but I'm not stupid.

We saw the plant we needed a bit off, having started staring farther off during the conversation. It was just above the water – 'water' being relative in a swamp that's probably a quarter shit and algae. Lacking an easy way to make fire (I know the boy scout way, but it's a pain in the ass) I looked for sushi-grade seaweed just as much as the plant. Midwest boy is redneck like that – guess I still remember that stuff after all.

Wading through the questionable 'water' we took what the list said we needed. It was still dripping wet. I looked towards Aranea – not the time for that. Hey, if you had a girl like her you'd have it stuck in your head too. So we left the swamp back on to dry, well, semi-dry, land. There was a gurgling sound behind us. We looked back to see a scaly head cresting the water.

And another.

And another.

Oh shit, that's what a hydra looks like in person.

Five heads total on snake-necks came up, with a half a huge body. The rest of it was still underwater, though it towered over us. A simultaneous roar echoed over the place. They could probably hear it in Ponyville proper. I turned around. Thankfully the bag fitted over my shoulder.

“RUN!”

She didn't.

I glanced behind me after a few steps to see her standing there. Back in her original changeling body, the dress hanging loosely off her torso. Why wasn't she running?

“Dammit, run!”

“It would catch us. You run.”

I was stuck in place. Was she really going to try to slow down five-headed godzilla there?

She lowered her head a bit, the angled horn glowing with green light.

“I would fall before returning to being a whore.”

A piercing scream broke the air as a beam split the shrouded mist of the place. It streaked across the sky, arcing through the scaly bastard's necks as it went. It took a moment to realize the scream wasn't from the hydra. Five heads hit the ground, shaking the earth beneath us. As soon as I realized it was good an dead, and not a lernaean one, I rushed back to Aranea. She'd burned most of her power in that, and the holes were back. They were even up to the thighs. She collapsed where she stood just as I'd arrived.

“Holy shit! That was... are you OK?”

“I will survive. I will require more love soon, although this care, and what remains from before, will sustain me for a small amount of time. Perhaps four to eight hours.” She really ran herself dry for that. Taking her at her word, we slowly worked our way back to Zecora's hut. I feared I would lose her if I so much as let go.

Getting back, we turned the bag over to the zebra.

“You even retrieved the optional herbs. This level of dedication is almost absurd.” She looked at Aranea. “Especially considering the damage incurred.” Aranea was conscious, but if she was able to speak it wasn't worth the effort.

“She needs help. No offense, but can we finish this so I can get to it?” I was still holding tight. Practically holding her up at this point.

“You know I have many potions and wares, there is something her to cure such a scare.”

“Trust me, this is something for me to do.” She seemed perplexed. I gave her a look that I hoped meant 'trust me'. She either relented or understood, and we left with the bits. We made our way back to the usual home – collection of detritus that it is. I removed and tossed both our clothes off to the side and kissed her. She saved my life – this was nothing to repay it.

So tired, wet, and still sore from before, we started. I'd never been so glad to fuck something that looked like a bug-pony.