“Hrrrnng. The hell?” I woke up and began to refocus my eyes. The blur slowly cleared and I found myself staring at bars. Looking around showed me a blank stone-laden floor, a high, thin window, and what appears to be a pile of grass or hay. Bringing my hands into fists again gave a sensation of odd pressure. I looked down and saw some sort of ring on each hand. Oddly enough, they were huge – having two fingers crammed into each. The dull throb in the back of my head reminded me of the preceding experience. Putting a hand back there returned the feel of rough cloth and the sight of bloody fingers. Shit. This isn't a dream.

I walked towards the bars, momentarily hopping on one foot for a step after catching a loose stone on the floor. The sound made a horse-head appear from the right side of the bars. “It's woken up. Inform the princesses.”

“Yes ma'am.” retorted a still-unseen one with a higher voice, followed by the sound of walking away. An odd, heavy sound of walking, like heavy metal boots on the stone floor.

The other walked completely into sight. “No trouble out of you now. Those rings prevent the use of any magic.” She (Presumably, from what the other said) gave what I figured was a smirk.

“Again with the magic. You're all fucking delusional.” Stepping back and sitting on the pile of dry vegetation, I began to pick at and twist the rings on my hands while the guard went back to her place. Whatever they were for, they weren't designed to stay stuck to anything flexible – like flesh. With some time I squeezed one off from the pair of digits and pocketed it. The other was off a couple minutes later. This one I kept in my hand. Maybe they would answer what all this was, at the very least.

I kept my hands in my pockets and paced back and forth for some time. Of course, it seemed like halfway to forever. Didn't really matter how long it was, but you have to focus on something. I don't need to be any crazier than I already am. It was probably an hour before I realized that my coat was completely gone now. Damn it, it takes a lot of hunting to find a trenchcoat at a Goodwill in my size – no other way for me to afford one, and they're comfortable. Also makes Black Friday shopping easier when people gave a second look – that half-second makes all the difference for getting the last something off a shelf. Sure I look like the guy on the neighborhood watch sign, but it works.

As I mentally meandered over such trivial things, the heavy steps returned. Well, the heavy set and two-no, three sets with it. I think. It gets mixed up easily when you're not used to things with four legs being what you're counting. “Face this way, whatever you are. Answer to the princesses.” shortly followed the slowing and stopping of most of the floor noises.

Between the bars I saw next to the guard the purple and white ones, and a third dark blue one. “You got wings too?” Amazing what you don't notice when it's not being used as a weapon at the time. “Who-what the hell are you all?”

“Silence, knave!” shouted the dark blue one, the echo ringing across the halls. Who knew Brian Blessed had a pet horse?

Celestia turned to the guard. “If you would open the cell for us?”

“Of course, your majesty. Not one, but two anti-magic rings have been applied. Whatever trick it used, it can't do it again.”

The door creaked open, needing a bit of force. Looks like it hasn't been used in a hell of a long time. The white one looked at me with eyes that... seemed different. Motherly? No, that's not it. More like when you looked at some scared little animal. Pitying, maybe. “Are you calm?” Oh, now it wants to talk like it's civilized.

“Calm as I'm gonna get until all this insanity is explained.” Feathers ruffled slightly, but quickly regained apparent composure.

Celestia stepped forward. “Of course this would be unusual to you. Allow me to introduce myself. I am princess Celestia, of Equestria. And you are?”

“... … … Princess?”

“Yes. Are you royalty from your world?”

“... … … Princess Celestia, the...” I shuffled through memories for some frame of reference for this nonsense. Lewis Carroll would have a hard time coming up with it. Wait. Back at the mall, one of those kitschy holiday displays had a little blown glass trinket of a winged, horned horse. 'Mystic pegacorn' it said on the tiny plaque in front of it. “Pegacorn?'

“Alicorn, actually. Perhaps there is a small difference in language between our worlds.”

“Worlds. Still not buying it.”

“It is true. You were brought here from an error of some kind during the creation of a portal.” At the word 'error' the lavender one visibly paled, a slight twitch in one eye.

I scanned the area again. Obviously everything was being taken too seriously. Looked like I didn't have any choice but to play along if I wanted to get out any time soon. “Who-what knocked me out back there?”

“One of the students.” replied the purple one. “She had an awakening, like I did before, and threw a desk at you. We don't know why it worked and our magic didn't. She's very glad to get her cutie mark though.”

“Cutie mark? Awakening?”

“You don't know what those are?”

“No. I...” The wheels turned. There may be a way out of this without acting like I'm falling for it completely. “Can I talk to her?”

Twilight was taken aback by that. “Um. Well, I guess so. If you promise to behave.”

I did not see that coming. The kid was still in on it too? Confused, I simply blurted out “Yeah.”

Twilight left with a guard as I turned to stare at Celestia again. “You never did tell me who you were.” she quipped.

“Oh. Nohbodi.”

“Well, Nohbodi. Welcome to Equestria. Hopefully the remainder of your stay will be far more pleasant.”

“Do not be careless sister! It is still dangerous. Best if we seal it away, like Discord millenia ago!” Luna announced.

“Does that one have to yell everything? I've already got a headache y'know.”

“That one!? Thou urchin, respect my station!” she roared, pointing her horn inches from my face. Now, what do you do when someone points a weapon at you? You fucking grab it if you can. That's just what I did. I had an iron grip on it at the base. Of course, that reflex meant letting go of the ring in that hand. The * tink * it made as it hit the floor was all it took. The guard took one look, panicked and slammed the gate shut. Remaining was Celestia, the blue one held by the horn, and myself.

“Looks like it's back to demanding explanation.” I turned back to Celestia. “You're the reasonable one I guess. Really, cut the crap and tell me where I am before I'm late for work tomorrow.”

Celestia was stunned into silence for a second, as several rapid-fire flashes of blue light pulsed between the fingers of my horn-holding hand. It stopped soon enough as it looked at me with the enraged eyes of a caged animal. It thrashed about, trying to dislodge itself as I held on. Occasionally my hand would slip up a bit, but I'd force it back down. Soon I felt a sort of heat again. Was it trying to burn me like they did before? No, that isn't it. This isn't fire-heat. This is body heat? The struggling continued until it froze in place for a moment, then slumped down on it's knees. “I am defeated. Please, release me.” it pleaded, in a weaker, more aurally manageable voice.

“Do you promise to behave?” I said, perhaps more derisively than I should have.

“Yes. I am vanquished.” it replied.

“Good. Now who are you?”

“I am princess Luna.”

I looked back to Celestia, who had the most shocked expression you could imagine. “Do you have any idea what you just did?”

Gazing at Luna and back to her. “Won?”

“You don't know what a horn feels?”

“No, I... You're not telling me...” I facepalmed. A decision I immediately regretted as I pulled my hand away to inspect. Nothing on it. “I just did that to her?” She nodded.

Now, my usual sense of humor is demented at best, but I'm actually a prude when it comes to certain subjects. “Oh. Oh, shit! I'm so sorry!” I backed off and dropped my fighting stance. Oh man, what I wouldn't have given for something to break this moment u-

“-es. Sky Sprinkle, this is the one from class... Celestia what happened!?”

Twilight stared at Luna's prone form, the closed cell door, and Celestia. Celestia looked at Twilight and nearly answered, until she looked at the foal. No, this wasn't the time for it. “A... misunderstanding of sorts.”

“Uh, yeah. Sorry about that. Now, little... What was your name?”

The small teal-coated unicorn looked up with all the innocence and ignorance of youth. With a smile she stated. “Sky Sprinkle. Thanks for helping me get my cutie mark!”

“Cutie mark?”

Sky turned to her side to show an image of a horn like her own next to a glowing ball. “When everypony was scared of you, I saw a lot of light, and sent my desk with my magic! Um, sorry it hit you though.” she ended sheepishly.

Straight from the mouth of babes. Guess it took hearing it from a kid to make me finally realize it. This not only wasn't a dream, it wasn't a joke. I was somewhere else, and here magic was real. I staggered backwards and slumped into the pile of hay. “It's real. It's all real.”

I stared into space for who knows how long. I was in another world. One filled with talking horses. Magic existed. I'd just essentially battle-raped an intelligent being. A princess, in fact. Wait, WHAT!?

It didn't take a blow to the head to make everything go blank this time.

Author's Note

Yes, why the human apparently has superpowers will be explained shortly.