Why Humans Shouldn't be Allowed in Equestria

Well, 'blank' was as good a way as any to say it. After maybe a couple of hours my brain finished rebooting, and I was in what was hopefully a medical ward.

“-ns't responded since.” The three pegac-er, alicorns from earlier were there, along with one that only had the wings.

“Huh?”

“You're back with us, I see. I'm Dr. Brain Pan. How are you feeling now?” it said.

“Brain Pan?”

“Correct.”

“Brain Pan.”

“Yes.”

“Brain Pan?”

“Indeed.”

“Brain Pan.”

“I think he needs more time to recover from whatever damage he incurred from absorbing all that magical energy.”

“No. Your name's Brain Pan?”

After a moment it clicked for the doctor. “You find that name unusual?”

“Yeah. Who names their kid Brain Pan? Or did you change it?”

“No, I've had this name all my life.”

“Must've sucked growing up.”

“Well, my parents have regaled their friends with stories of how vigorously I'd inhale my food as a foal.”

“No, I mean... Ah, fuck it. Where am I?”

“Canterlot hospital.”

“At least I've gotten one answer today.”

“What do you need answered?”

“Everything.” I rattled off a laundry list of questions about where I was and what's been going on. Stuff that, apparently, even the most brain-damaged kid knew here.

Brain Pan turned to the princesses. “I believe he may need a different type of specialist.”

“I'll get the gang together. Looks like Pinkie's going to set a new record for information in a welcome party.” chimed Twilight.

The doctor resumed “You seem to be, at least with our limited experience with your kind, healing well. I understand that some find the procedure produces that effect. Not unheard of though. As soon as you sheath yourself, we can file the paperwork to release you.”

“Sheath what now?” I asked.

“We simply cannot have you walking out in that state.”

“What state?”

He pointed at my crotch. I was naked.

It took approximately zero seconds to cover my junk with my hands. “Why the hell am I naked!?”

“A full medical examination was required. Now as soon as you're sheathed we can get on with the next step.”

“What sheath?”

“Your sheath.”

That's when I noticed that he didn't have anything showing, despite being naked himself. Man, I gotta figure out what to pay attention to here. Thinking for a second, I realized that I'd have to explain something to him. “Uh, I don't have a sheath. I need pants.”

“Was there an accident at some point in the past?”

“No, humans don't have sheaths!”

“Humans? So you're a humans. I've never seen a humans before.”

“Just... Guess we both have questions here.” It took me a couple minutes to explain to him that people need pants to cover themselves. It took longer to find a pair for me, even a pair that didn't fit. It was stitched at a weird angle, like... oh yeah. Everything here is a horse, they all go from ass to legs at ninety degrees like that. Well, it sucked, but it'll do for now. The white one – Celestia, that was it. She had a blush until I was covered. The rest were too dark to tell. I faced Twilight, figuring more answers were gonna come from there. “Give me as much information about this place as you can, and get me out of here and I'll see what I can do.” Never do anything for free.