Why Humans Shouldn't be Allowed in Equestria

With streaks of dried tears on all our faces, we left for the main room. A crowd waited for us. She quickly told the changelings that things were alright – or at least I think she did, no one was pissed at me. The changelings in turn started explaining things to the ponies in attendance as Aranea left for the palace. We went out separate ways as I turned towards work.

The first official batch was ready to go out. Before finalizing anything, I got in touch with Sangria. She explained to me that the keep at that place was essentially pardoned, since no one really knew about the watching, and it effectively gave them a place to be together and share energy anyway. With that taken care of, his place became one of the first bars in the world.

I'd stopped giving lessons to the changelings, since they all got it by now. Sometimes I would get a visit asking my opinion on human forms. Another two chose them as a permanent base. They got the proportions right in general, mostly. Anatomy was cross-compared with pony, so frames were often slightly androgynous. Females would have smaller breasts, while males would have anatomy that put natural humans to shame. I had to explain that human anatomy was weird like that, that proportions were far different than ponies. I wasn't going around telling them to have double Ds or something, or trying to get into a competition with the guys. They picked up on it quickly enough, though neither gender was happy with the male size. Until they 'tried' it and found out it worked for the body it came with. I also had to remind them that humans can't go naked in public. They liked that even less, but law was law, and that law was okay.

Speaking of laws, the Equestrian standard was adopted during her first visit. Aranea would make sure to visit me whenever she was here on business. We spent a lot of time talking. Everything was rekindling, but I was afraid to try again. I threw myself into my work like before.

The crystal project was retired a month later. Every one they knew about was contained. All the ponies on the team and myself were set for a long time. Most of them retired to home. I felt sorry for them. Working with those things almost gave them 'untouchable' status. Well after the fact ponies were wary of dealing with them, like they were dangerous themselves. We all got together one day to petition Cadence and Shining. They issued a decree to be published that all safety measures were taken, and that all ponies involved were in good health and of no danger to the populace. Slowly but surely, others were willing to get close to them again. Two of them wrote books on the crystals for universities. The theories they got from the study led to a lot of work. Word was these “theoretical radiology” ideas were going to end up being a completely new field. Just like the changeling and human studies, massive numbers were sold. Those two were set for life. The rest got more standard jobs, found someone, and settled down.

A second edition of the changeling book was released, with a collection of errata to be applied to the first edition. That didn't sell as many copies, and the errata package was far cheaper. Schools were updated, and Aranea had a sizeable fund for the maintenance of the home where about half of the Equestrian changelings lived.

I set up focus groups for a few new products. It didn't pan out as well as beer. Earth ponies mostly appreciated the idea of modified Earth tools that could fit on a hoof, but a few were insulted. They could do just as well holding a manual tool in their mouth, and I didn't know enough to 'invent' more complex stuff. Some things I never will figure out. To think that twisting a cherry stem was awesome on Earth, heh. I wondered if the mares could use that kind of skill for anything else, but decided against it. Still only attracted to human forms, and I'd prefer to keep it that way. Good thing it was me ending up here instead of some fetishist. So the tool idea folded pretty quickly.

I never was a fan of beer salt, but figured it was worth a shot here. That one almost got me arrested. Shelved indefinitely. Seems salt is classified as a drug here, if taken pure.

The R & D department came up with a few more styles to try. Most were successful, at least in certain markets. Through the Crystal Empire's diplomatic ties I was able to talk to higher-ups in nearby nations.

The Griffin Kingdom was always looking for new business ideas. From what I'd heard they've improved socially, but it's still cutthroat business compared to Equestria and the Empire. They liked their brew with more bitterness than ponies. The stuff ended up something like an ipa. It's not very popular with ponies, but it went over great there. Most of the supply of that blend in the Empire is in my personal stock now. A high-ranking griffin made a diplomatic visit here, and had a tour of the brewery while she was here. I still have a copy of the newspaper photo of us having a beer in the palace framed in my office.

Yakyakistan had a problem with alcohol. It didn't take long for me to decide to back out. It could only hurt relations at this point.

I tried to find something for dragons, but we couldn't figure it out. One, there was one dragon, and he was underage. After a couple of kids got stupid they were quick to pass laws about it. That wasn't a surprise at all, and I agreed to it right away. It looked better than trying to fight it. Two, the country was too far away to really be viable. Three, and the primary reason we couldn't come up with anything, breathing fire doesn't react well to alcohol. With it burning up on entry, alcohol doesn't work on dragons. Idea shelved.

The buffalo took to it pretty easily. Making some of that needed authorization from the chief. There was a local cactus they had that could cause trouble in large amounts. We set up a system of importation and processing. The result tasted kind of like agave. A combination of that and the Equestrian brand worked out for a solid income.

Everything was set. I was loaded – in the money sense. I still drink, but not as much as I used to. Working with something constantly does that. Plus I saw a few get themselves in trouble with the drinking. Those warning labels saved my ass there. I never hid the fact that you have to have control.