Why Humans Shouldn't be Allowed in Equestria

We pulled into the Ponyville station while I was pondering my borderline alcoholism. Most of the original group had left off, and the train was at about half capacity by then. A few more got on, but it looked like we were the only ones getting off at Ponyville. It was something of a surprise, what with the giant tree-castle and all. Guess when the world is full of magic and talking ponies the tourism industry doesn't work the same.

The ponies were out and about among their business. I got a few looks, but nothing compared to before. “Not as many staring as the other place.” I remarked.

“Canterlot, yes. We've had some interesting adventures here, and ponies are used to seeing someone new.”

“Did I hear 'someone new'?” came from behind us, followed by a bright pink pony with hair that would make the 80s proud jumped in front of us, seemingly from out of the ground.

“Woah!” I stumbled back a step.

“So who're you? I'm Pinkie Pie! Welcome to Ponyville! Oh, we need a welcome party! I'll get right on it!” as she bounded away, entering a house that looked like it was made of gingerbread.

“...Well. That happened.”

Twilight smiled “That's Pinkie Pie. Hope you like parties.”

“Haven't been to a party in years. I'm not high-energy like that. Could be interesting though. So how are we going to find out about the magic issue, and how to get me back home? And who's that?” Off in the distance was a pony. Or something like it. It was jet black, with insect-like wings and a horn. “Another princess? They all seem to have wings and horns.”

Twilight followed my finger at the being. “No, that's a changeling. It stays near the Everfree. Showed up at the wedding, but ponies still avoid it. We keep an eye on it, but it hasn't caused any trouble.”

“Guess ponies are like humans in that regard. We generalize too much too.” I waved the changeling over to us before Twilight could protest. It nervously came forward from the distance, almost shaking.

“H-Hello.” it said in a tone similar to a droning. Kind of like me before having coffee in the morning. Twilight eyed it cautiously. “Am I in trouble? I try to stay away.”

“No trouble, just saying hi. I'm Nohbodi, and new here. What's your name?” I held out a hand, having seen hoofshakes by now, and hoping it worked out the same. It worked, for the most part. A hand-hoof shake is kind of awkward.

“I... Do not have one... A name.” it buzzed.

Twilight jumped in “Changelings don't have names like we do, it's a hive.”

The changeling looked about as sad as something with chitin instead of skin for a face can. “Not anymore. A lot of us got severed from the connection after...” it looked at Twilight and winced. Twilight was unmoved.

“Well then. I don't know all the details, but have you thought about taking a name?”

“You can do that?”

“Don't see why not.”

The changeling thought long and hard. “I would like to be called Aranea. It is after a species from home. I think a ponys' spiders are close to it. I was like a big sister to many of them.”

“Nice to meet you Aranea.” I said with a genuine smile. Someone else with curious interests and needing to fit in. We were gonna get along just fine. Plus I had a hell of a time figuring out her gender, what with no cues to pick up on. Wonder if not 'getting' pheromones will be a problem. “How was your welcome party? That Pinkie one seems to have more energy than possible.”

“I... Did not have one.”

“Sorry, thought I heard she gave everyone one.”

“She does. But I do not live in Ponyville. I live in the Everfree Forest.”

“Well, guess we both need one then. Doing anything today?”

“No...”

“Good. No schedule problems.” As soon as I said it I noticed that it was probably a crappy way to say it. “Uh, sorry. No offense.”

“None taken. You are nervous. You are new to changelings.”

“True. So Twilight, what's left to do before the party?” Guess it's been so long since a party of any kind that I'd forgotten about getting home, at least for a few minutes.

Twilight thought for a moment, stealing a sidelong glance at Aranea. “Let's get you some clothes that fit. If humans need to wear clothes all the time you'll need something. At least until we find out how to get you home.” There's that reminder.

“I'm gonna need to get a job here after all this. Hate owing people. See you at the party Aranea.” As we walked towards wherever Twilight was taking me.

“Wait.” Aranea was still behind us. “I... do not have clothing to wear. Can I travel with you? Ponies... do not trust changelings.”

Twilight leaned into my ear. “Changelings feed on emotion. Look.” She raised a hoof to Aranea's legs, which had small holes in them. They were slightly smaller than before, like something was healing.

I turned to Twilight. “Everything feeds on emotion.”

“Not like this!” She sighed and relented, seeing full well that I didn't see the problem. “Just be careful around them. Also, I'm not paying for her clothes.”

Aranea overheard easily enough and chimed in. “I have bits. Some, at least. Not many will hire me.”

We walked down the cobbled path together, Twilight constantly 'checking on' Aranea. That was starting to piss me off. Before anyone could cause a scene we were at the... giant carousel or circus tent. This whole town was a theme park, or an acid trip.

Twilight knocked on the door. A white unicorn answered it. “Why hello darling. What do you need today, princess?”

“Rarity!” she retorted while suppressing a giggle. “You know nopony needs to call me that.”

“Oh, but I simply must! Why, how else would one address a princess?” This one had a taste for drama a mile wide. I'd bet there was a stack of cheesy romance novels somewhere in there. “Ah, but who have we he...” Yep, she saw Aranea.

I quickly stepped up. “Rarity she said? Uh, nice to meet you. Twilight took us here to get some clothes for this 'welcome party' the pink one ran off for.”

“Of course darling! Yes, come right in ah...all of you.” As Twilight stepped by she whispered “You do realize...” Twilight nodded and the four of us were in a spacious room, the walls and literal clothes horses covered with fabric. Most of it bright enough to annoy a dog's eyes.

Rarity looked me over with interest. “This will be a challenge worthy of my skills. Please stand there and put your forelegs out dear, I must take measurements.” I took the position, not bothering to correct her for the moment, as a magical aura floated a tape measure to me. Whenever it touched me the aura shifted away, but not enough to throw off the measurements. Twilight watched the phenomenon with interest. Rarity pulled the tape off and studied it for a moment.

“That happens. Magic goes funny around me like that.”

“Twilight, do you know why?” she shook her head.

“I haven't found anything referencing it yet, but right after the party we're going to the lab.” I didn't like the sound of that. But I'm paranoid.

Rarity wrote down the measurements. At least, I assume she did. I don't know much beyond the sizes at the store. She asked me a few questions and I described the clothes I usually wore. It was a little awkward figuring out how to say something when the parts didn't match up, so it took a little while. She didn't particularly agree with my penchant for darker colors, but acquiesced. She did manage to sneak gold trim into the new coat. Not quite the same. This one was more of a waistcoat with a duster-trail. Kind of anime, really. Still, I did like it, and the quality was everything Twilight said it was. At least, again, from what I could tell. The shoes needed work. Horseshoes and boots do not mix well. There was little use in explaining. Guess I'd have to learn how to cobble if I end up stuck here. Regardless, the overall result was impressive. “Wow, that was fast.” Looking at the clock, it had only been a couple of hours. Turning to Twilight and Aranea “What do you think?” They both nodded their assent. “Aranea, looks like you're up.” I stepped aside off of the small pedestal.

“I... do not know, Nohbodi. Do you think they would accept a changeling there? I would rather be a human now.”

“Think everyone wants to be someone else sometimes. Not really a choi... Woah.”

That's when I learned that changelings were shapeshifters. Standing in front of me, was a humanoid form, still with the jet-black skin. The form was interesting, but blankly androgynous. “Did I do it correctly?”

“Mostly.” Through a few alterations I explained how male and female humans had distinct differences to form. The end result was a short human female. It seems that changelings can only 'stretch' themselves so far relative to regular body size. She was about a foot shorter than me, with a lean, angular face and body, though obviously feminine now. She took my explanation of skin color literally, and was still jet. Except for certain anatomical features, namely reproductive organs. Not that it mattered. Clothes are there to cover those kinds of features, so it doesn't really apply to have them under there. She stepped on the pedestal and Rarity did her duty. This one didn't take as long. Whether it was because a dress' design didn't have to change much beyond the top and waist, or that she just wanted to get it over with I don't know. Probably more of the latter with ponies' attitude about changelings. Rarity's bill was... excessive to me. Twilight covered mine. Aranea just barely had enough, even for a basic one. I wonder if she was overcharged.

Despite the difference in body type she didn't have a problem walking. Must have some kind of internal stabilizer to deal with changing shape like that. “Is this acceptable for a human?”

“You look great.” I smiled. She returned it.

Twilight and Rarity looked at each other with a mix of curiosity and concern.

A 'bang' outside drew our attention. There was now confetti outside of the window. Rarity walked outside and came back with an envelope, streamers still stuck to it. It was the invitation to the party at Sugarcube corner. I didn't need to be told what house that was.

“Looks like the party's on.”

“Do you really wish to accompany a changeling to this party?” Poor gal had no self-esteem.

Normally I'm far too shy when it comes to this kind of thing. But something told me I'd never see anyone else like her around here. It was a chance I couldn't lose. I hooked my arm around hers. “It's a date.”