The Invitation

It was another month in Ponyville… another month of listening to sentimental bullshit, having drunken blackouts, writing in a pink journal, and working various jobs to ‘contribute’ to society.
I woke up to find myself on the dusty floor of my empty apartment to Pinkie knocking on my door but when I opened it, she somehow teleported to the kitchen and made a prairie oyster.

“How the fuck do you keep doing that?” I growled drinking the oyster.

“Bit in the jar-” She answered pulling a mayo jar over filled with bits out of her mane “-Or did you drink all your wages again?”

“Sure… make fun of the drunk ex-thief” I mumbled placing a bit into the jar.

“Oh please Pinkie will you just give him the letter?” Rarity sighed while opening the curtains.

“Is this my death warrant?” I asked taking the letter with the royal seal out of Pinkie’s hoof.

“Of course not!” Rarity shouted “It’s a wedding invitation.”

“And you guys want me to attend because Princess Celestia made it a part of my sentence?”

“Eeup” Pinkie answered imitating Big Macintosh.

“And when exactly did Celestia send this?” I asked

“Two minutes ago” Rarity whispered.

“And when do we leave?” I started to tap my hoof on the hardwood floor.

“Five minutes” Rarity answered then walked towards my room.

When Rarity entered my room, she screamed loud enough to crack every glass in the apartment!

“What’s wrong?” Pinkie asked hopping towards the source of the scream when Rarity hobbled into the hallway gripping two vests in her magic.

“Th-these vests were made from Neighgyption silk” she gasped.

I looked at the blue and purple vests and even though I didn’t see anything wrong with them, I forgot that Rarity would treat clothes as if she were a fence trading stolen goods.

“They have wrinkles” Rarity gasped again sounding a bit more like she was being strangled.

“So?” I snorted almost making her eyes pop out of her skull.

“THEY’RE MADE FROM NEIGHGYPTION SILK” Rarity snarled, then conjured up a suitcase, threw the vests and a few other clothes into it then stormed out the apartment.

Pinkie nudged me and lifted the jar between my eyes, I threw another bit into the jar walked out the door and said “I fucking hate weddings”