Captive of a Changeling Bride

“I fucking hate weddings” I growled to the rhythm of the train .

“We know-” Rainbow Dash muttered “You’ve been complaining about it for FOUR HOURS”

“Complaining is the only thing I have now-” I snapped tossing two bits into the treasure pile “-Even Twilight has an issue with this wedding”

“Only because the groom is my brother” Twilight answered placing her cards face down on the table.

“So why do you hate weddings?” Applejack asked.

“They represent most of what I hate about society” I growled sliding all my bits into the pile.

“Love?” Rarity guessed.

“Tying the knot?” Pinkie inquired.

“Family?” Applejack snipped.

“Religion, control and monogamy. Society expects us to follow some social protocol that’s been drilled into the minds of our ancestors long before Celestia ruled, with marriage it gives someone a reason to not feel guilty for having sex. Religion succeeds in brainwashing someone into believing that giving into primal urges that have existed to us long before it decided to claw its way through the generations making all who listen to ignorant hypocrites that tell them to believe that some all knowing tyrant in the sky will keep them from being murdered when they (and only they) can get themselves out of the situation. Sadly they think that self defense leads to killing someone and even if that someone was responsible for a multitude of deaths, they would simply repeat what they swallowed and say it’s not their job to decide whether or not that murderer should die by their hooves and send them to corrupt bureaucrats who will give said murderer a bigger chance of walking free.”

“And monogamy?” Fluttershy asked.

“Most marriages I’ve heard of ended when one of the spouses cheated, how’s this one going to be any different?” I shrugged and showed my cards… a royal flush

“MOTHERFUCKER!” Rainbow shouted slamming her hooves on the table nearly sending the treasure pile onto the floor.

“Another round?” I asked shuffling the cards.

“I’M NOT GOING TO PLAY ANY MORE POKER IF YOU KEEP CHEATING!!” she screamed.

“Then how bout liar’s dice?” I said reaching into my suitcase and pulled out seven wooden cups and 35 different colored dice (five dice for each player).

“How did you even pack these?” Rarity asked taking the purple dice.

“Packed them up while you were complaining about the vests” I answered taking the red set dice while Applejack took the green set,

Fluttershy took the black set, blue was taken by Twilight, and Pink by Pinkie, leaving Rainbow the orange set.

“Bet you’ll win anyways” Rainbow growled as I placed the bag of treasure back on the table as the prize.
Unfortunately, we never had time to even shake the cups since we passed through a pink shield… Canterlot had beefed up security.

“What’d you do Frosty?” Rainbow growled as I placed the cups and dice back into the suit case.

“Don’t know Dashie-” I mumbled as I put the cups and dice back into the suit case “maybe their paranoid that you’ll destroy another public art piece”

Before Rainbow can say another word the train doors opened and a group of guards rushed in slamming a baton against my jaw then forced me onto the floor.

“Never thought I’d see you again” a guard sighed.

“Shiny is that you?” I gagged as the baton was pressed against my throat forcing me to look up at the displeased guard captain.

“Shining!” Twilight shouted using her magic to lift the baton off my windpipe.

“This is your brother?” I coughed as Pinkie helped me up “Don’t see the resemblance.”

“Forget that!-“Rainbow shouted “-how do you two know each other!?”

“We crossed pass each other a few times when he was a recruit in Saddle Arabia-” I answered “Always knew he’d make guard captain with that stick up his ass”

Shining nods to the guards and they leave the train

“One day I’ll beat you to death with it” he growled.

“With how long it is? Highly unlikely.” I scoffed.

Shining rolled his eyes and led us out the train and stopped at the stairs to battlements grabbed a spear out of one of the stocks, turned to me and pointed it at my throat.

“This is as far as you go” he ordered despite the protest of the others we just stared into each other’s eyes, waiting for one’s nerves to break and move in for the kill… but we never got the chance when Twilight stepped between us again and started to interrogate him about his bride-to-be, I stepped back as they climbed the stairs… the last thing I heard was that the bride was Twilight’s old foalsitter.

Six hours later the sun went down and I found myself on a balcony overlooking the clean streets of Canterlot smoking a big fat cigar, the moonlight pierced through the smoke but I turned towards the door when I smelled the faint scent of pineapples to see a tall, pink, alicorn standing in the shadows.

“Princess Cadenzia I presume?” I shrugged turning my attention back to the streets.

“What gave me away?” She giggled mischievously as I heard her walk forward till the tropical scent was just inches away.

“Twilight did some weird dance when she saw you… cigar?” I opened a leather pouch filled with ten neatly lined cigars.

“Sure” She answered.

I looked towards her to see a cigar being lifted by an emerald aura as she placed it into her mouth, she lit a match and the flames danced in her purple eyes.

“It’s rude to stare” She smirked as she blew a smoke heart.

“Never met a princess who would willingly agree for a smoke” I shrugged.

“I think you’ll find I’m not like most princesses” she said as she turned towards me.

I caught a glimpse of her blue heart cutie mark than everything felt cold when she gave me a seductive grin.

“Like what you see?” she asked.

I threw the remainder of my cigar into the streets and lit a new one.

“So what possessed you to marry a grunt like Shiny?” I asked.

“I don’t see how that’s any of your concern since the concept of intimacy appalls you-” She growled “-and since we’re on the subject of my husband, how do you know him when he’s never told me about you?”

“We crossed paths when he was a recruit.” I answered as half the cinders of the new cigar fell onto the railing.

“There’s more to it than that.” She pried moving closer.

“I ‘helped’ him on a few guard cases in Saddle Arabia” I answered as the hairs on the back of my neck stood.

“You were a guard?” she tried to hide the surprise in her voice.

“A thief, I gave him information about a certain individual and if he decided to meet said individual I would follow him if the individual was a wanted criminal I would make sure there wouldn’t be any collateral damage”

“So you were a spy.” She mumbled as a plume of smoke obscured her eyes, at the time I thought it was the moonlight wafting through the smoke that made them flash green.

“When you put it like that… maybe I was.” I said looking back towards the street.

Before she could ask any further the door opened and Celestia tried to hold back her laugh.

“I knew you’d be a bad influence Frostbite” she said.

“Then why bother inviting me?” I mumbled.

“Because it’s part of your sentence.” She grinned

“So I’m also guessing that I’ll have to escort both of you to the main hall for some rehearsal?” I snorted throwing the remainder of my cigar over the railings only for Celestia to grab it in her magic and threw it into an ash tray that was near the door.

“Why thank you Frostbite! I think some of Twilight’s influence is finally rubbing off on you.” Celestia gasped wrapping her wing around my shoulder and pulled me inside.

We entered a hall Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Shining Armor stood in front of a wedding arch although instead of walking next to them I took a seat at the dining table.
Celestia took her place beneath the arch and began giving the instructions on how the wedding would go, what they would say how long the reception would last before they could leave… I started to blackout when the doors slammed open and Twilight rushed in pointed at Cadance and shouted “She’s evil” telling us how she placed her brother under some spell that made his eyes go loony naturally Cadance ran out in tears, Shining kicked her out of the wedding and no one, not even Celestia herself believed her. When I got up to leave, Twilight practically launched herself at my hooves begging me to believe her I brushed passed her and left the room, part of me told me to stay… instead I just shook her off and walked out. I was barely at the end of the hall when I looked back and saw a pulsing green flash fill the doorway; I shrugged off the feeling of unease… although I still think if I saw what happened, I would have told the queen that she just cost her own invasion by sending Twilight wherever she was sent.