Pat's Holiday Special

The wannabe santas were wondering why these three, creepily theatrical women were assaulting a cult gathering with their menacing presence. In times such as this, the group should negotiate, needing to be tact and civil to ease the tension between the two parties, and to also make an example how superior and magnificent HaM can be.

Although negotiations need some amount of common sense...

“Hey you shit ass!” Loose screamed before any sensible person of HaM could speak, that is if there is any person in HaM with sensibility. The Aussie had finally woken up from his alcohol induced coma, temporary forgetting he broke an arm. “The fuck are you?” He continued, slurring his words as piss started to trickle down his legs.

“Hm, such vulgarity,” The purple one in the teal jacket sneered venomously at Loose. “about as much as I would’ve expected from disgusting pigs such as you.”

“Wow, what an insult lady; who the heck are you three?” Dan asked after mocking the purple girl, he looked at her then to the other two up and down.

“Who gives a fuck, let's just burn them for their heresy!” Grey yelled as he waved his broken beer bottle at the oddly dressed women, with an equal measure of anger and eagerness in his voice. His threat got a chuckle out of the blue looking one.

“Heh, yeah these guys must be new around here. I wonder if they’re new teachers or something? They’re WAY too old to be teenagers... especially that hideous ogre thing.” The one rocking a very long pigtail said with a laugh, causing Anon to start sputtering with rage.

“Bitch I’ll slap your shit up!” Anon threatened as Avi held him back. While all this was going on the assembled students began to either slowly moving towards the exits, throwing up and passing out from the spiked punch, pulling out their phones or looking for someone to help end this standoff before it goes any further.

“So uncivilized, and you people are all that rally against us? How… quaint.” The big orange one with a huge ass afro said condescendingly as she smirked at the leader of the group.

“What are you talking about, eh? Who even are you losers, eh?” Pat asked nervously as the oranged haired girl gaze landed on her. The South Korean looked between the students, dudes of HaM and the weird 80’s looking freaks.

The smirking girl raised an eyebrow at her question, ignoring the insult. She then have Pat an amused grin. “I see, so you haven’t heard of us. Very well, I shall entertain your query.” The orange haired girl spoke, she then gestured to her friends. “To my left is Aria Blaze, the other is Sonata Dusk and myself; Adagio Dazzle. We’re the Dazzlings,” At this statement almost every student at the gym slowly began to exit the gym. ”and we’ve returned to this pathetic school for two reasons. One, to end Sunset Shimmer and her friends…”

“Don’t know them, don’t care.” Mel interrupted, cutting off the dork's rant much to her annoyance.

“Yeah, you’re pretty boring whatever your name was, can you just get on with it?” Pipe requested as he yawned loudly, quickly losing interest in the three girls.

“Yes, get on with it!” Red cried out.

“Yeah, on with it!” Tux continued, a few flecks of his tongue flying off as he spoke, Grey snickered at the sight of this while Red puked a little in his mouth.

“GET ON WITH IT!” The rest of HaM and the students who remained in the gym screamed all at once, greatly irritating Adagio and confusing everyone else.

“FINE! I was perhaps going to let you abominations live, but now?...Hmph.” The apparent irked leader of the trio said, who regained her composure near the end. “As I was saying, our second goal… is to destroy CHRISTMAS!” The orange menace immediately got back into character just as she deviously declared her goals. At this the pig sows were in a midst of shock, confusion and anger.

“What the what, eh?!” Pat stammered as she backed away, baffled from the declaration Adagio has made.

“DOUBLE HERESY!” Grey screamed, instantly shrugging off his seasonal shit faced moods and replaced it with burning hate and Christmas blood lust.

“Yes! At last!” Anon, the traitorous Jew and Aviator cried out, tears of joy running down their faces as they passionately kissed and hugged each other.

“Damn it, Iowa already has so few traditions worth doing, if we lose Christmas then all we’ll have is the mud pie eating contest!” Tux exclaimed as he feared for his future.

“I have no strong feelings one way or the other.” Pipe plainly stated as he shrugged and walked back to the punch table, pushing a passed out rainbow haired student off the table.

“Can I make a profit if Christmas is cancelled?” Mel asked Dan in a hushed tone.

“W-what? Um, no?” Dan meekly responded, not sure what he meant by profit.

“THOSE BITCHES!” Mel cried as he charged head first at the three bizarre, blasphemous, anti-capitalistic, Christmas hating shitfaces… only to be greeted by the single pig tailed one, and was subsequently stopped in his tracks, and somehow was sent flying back at the group and screaming like a little bitch.

Loose looked on at Mel as he flew over to him, the red dressed boar did what any friend would do for his comrade; he valiantly side stepped and allowed the Euro/Asian trash and blast through Pipe, and continued to crash land in the comically oversized punch bowl.

“Looks like the punch has been...Spik-” Dan started, but was cut off before he could finish.

“NO!” Literally every member of HaM screamed simultaneously as they punched him in the face to stop his horrid puns, the only one who did not indulge in this violent beating was the only pacifist of the group; Red. As this faggotry was going on, a pair of colourful girls stepped between the two groups.

“You!? What do you girls want again?” A woman with hair like mustard and ketchup decked out in a leather jacket investigated as she stood alongside her purple friend.

“Oh, if it isn’t Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle, our arch enemies; how nice of you to finally show yourselves…” Adagio mocked as HaM stopped beating on Dan within an inch of his life.

“What were their names? Sunshit slinger?” Aviator asked curiously while rubbing his bloody knuckles, disregarding the severity of the situation and dragging everyone else into a state of ignorance.

“No you qoH, he said Sunsuck Steamer, obviously.” Red corrected.

“And what was the purple freak called, eh? Twibright Spankle? What a bunch o’ shitlords, eh.” Pat stated as she shook her head disapprovingly as the two new freaks and the 80’s pop star wannabes monologue about something or other to each other.

“These names are clearly only used by the most barbaric and primitive of Iowa locals and have no place in the civilized, Emperor ruled world; I propose we kill them now with holy fire, it’s the only way to cleanse them of their sins…” Grey proposed seriously as some of the more Emperor worshiping members nodded in approval, Pat would've been shaking with excitement at what is to become of these heretics, but she's a bloody coward.

“I don’t know, I don’t like killing people who haven’t pissed me off yet, aside from having shit-tier names they seem dorky enough to let live.” Loose countered as he backed away from Grey who was giving him a death glare.

“How about we all just shut up and get to the point, what the fucks going on?” Pipe asked as he cut off the imminent fist fight between the co-leader of the group and the man wearing full plate armour.

“Ugh, as I said earlier, we’ve come to destroy Christmas-”

“BOOOO!” HaM and the students simultaneously jeered, cutting of the orange 80’s trash once more.

“-And to destroy those two," Adagio pointed towards Sunset and Twilight. "and the swines.” She finished with a dismissive wave at HaM, ignoring the booing.

“Aw jeez guys, why don’t we just skidaddle on back home?” Red the melvin meekly muttered as he backed away from three mildly intimidating women cracking their knuckles, and the two Iowa natives who were still rambling about friendship and harmony.

“Shut up you dweeb, fuckin’ kill ya self.” Anon threatened as Mel stole Red’s lunch money and Avi broke his glasses.

“Dudes, we’ve got bigger problems to worry about right now then Red being a totes dork.” Tux reminded, one of his big toes falling off mid sentence, as he points with his broken finger towards the approaching trio of assholes.

“... Time to kick some asses?” Loose proposed with a shit eating grin, while giving a glance at raging Grey and a cowardly Pat.

“ONWARD, TO GLORY!” Grey roared in agreement over Pat muttering how shit this night is turning out. He took the lead and shoved to two colourful girls aside, ignoring their annoyed remarks as everyone else followed him.

“Yeah, cool, whatever.” Pipe agreed with a shrug as he tossed his shitty punch at Twibrink's head.

“mazeltov!” Anon and Avi jewed out in celebration, breaking a wine glass wrapped in a white cloth.

“I got 2 years tops, might as well make them fun years.” The Iowa native stated as he purposefully ignored the vultures circling him overhead.

“...No…” Red whimpered out as he went to hug Pat for reassurance who also hugged back, although he was also trying to cop a feel but it didn’t work out with how Grey ripped him out of her motherly embrace. Red whined like a little bitch as he was placed right next to the armoured giant.

“You know, I’m not much of a fan of fighting, but if it stops me from being lynched... I’ll follow with the mob.” Dan smartly agreed as he got back from buying another 2000$ cup o’ jo.

“Gotta do eet!” Loose cried out. “Mel, what do you think?”

“...Sure, if they die I can sell their corpses on the black market, but if they live then all the better for me!” Mel joked... probably.

“Come on, fight me bro, fight me!” Anon cried as he stepped right up in Aria’s face before getting drop kicked all the way back into his fellow jew, his Semitic ass crapped itself midflight.

“I get the feeling most of us will die ingloriously in the coming battle... perfect.” Grey uncaringly remarked as the three vixens in front of them looked between each other, smirked and striked an immaculate pose that sent fear into the hearts of HaM.

“Gah! MY EYES!” Pipe screamed as he was blinded by the sparkles glittering off them, and wallowing in anguish as he fell onto the floor.

“Jesus fuckin’ R. Christ!” Loose quivered as he stumbled back, his head landing in Pat’s comfortably warm, shaking fun bags. Pat in turn shrieked from the sudden invasion of her body.

“Absolutely heretical!” Anon shouted as he rose from the ground, ignoring Red crying from Loose’s defilement of Pat and Grey slowly moving towards Loose planning to pummel him.

“Huh... What’s happening?” Tux asked curiously, his eyes dissolved into puddles of gunk from a moments glance at the pose the Dazzlings are utilizing.

“Hell is real my friend, hell is real.” Mel said with a hollow smile, his vintage coke instantly going flat. "The end is nigh, truly...." He finished with a sparkle of tears emerging from his eyes.

The Dazzlings laughed heartily in amusement from HaM’s antics as they watched them fall apart in front of them. They then took a step forward, and somehow enhanced the power they're radiating by posing even harder!

"AWAKEN!"

No one truly knew how the word manifested itself into existence, but as the Dazzlings flexed their muscles a few more words, this time foreign vocalized itself into the space around them.

Der Mensch ist böse, Der Mensch muss besser und böser werden!~

“EH?! It’s too bizarrely amazing!” Pat exclaimed, nodding her head to the beat of the Siren’s theme song while ignoring Loose, who was still just chilin’.

"DOES NOT COMPUTE!" Red yelled frothing at the mouth, his dork side going nuts from what is essentially defying all sorts of sciency laws only he understands.

“WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE, AREN’T WE?” Dan screeched out over the blaring german lyrics, sipping his boiling hot black liquid.

“Yes we will my impure friend.” Avi calmly said as he placed his greedy, gold stealing hands on Dan’s shoulders as he swiped his wallet from Dan's ass pocket. Avi grinned at this, showing the world his gross Jewish teeth. Knowing that they were totally gonna lose from some magic bullshit, the small yet impressively inept group of Santa wannabes huddled together and began their plan of festive attack.

“Suggestions, anyone?” Mel asked while the Dazzlings continued to pose beautifully towards them, although this time the pain was gone as with the music, for the moment.

“I say we commit a blood sacrifice in offering to Khorne, we can use Red.” Pipe inquired, uncaring to the pain and imminent death he was going to grant unto the nerd.

“WHAT?!” Red screamed in fear.

“I like it!” Loose cheered in agreement, pulling out his large sacrificial knife and rope.

“No, I say we sell the students around us to human traffickers and use the money to skip town.” Mel suggested.

“I like it!” Pat exclaimed, throwing away her crowbar and pulling out her jar of chloroform.

“No you autistic freaks, we need to band together and harness the power of Christmas!” Dan declared to the heavens, literally the only 'sane' one of the bunch.

“...I hate it.” Grey mumbled while everyone gave him a look.

They knew, deep down in their cholesterol clogged hearts that with the power of wool sweaters, hot coco, shameless advertisements, amazing deals, pumpkin in fucking everything and Christmas flowing through them they couldn’t possibly lose… well, they couldn’t lose if they were in a civilized part of the world. So instead they'll have to drop a whole new low by doing what the people of Iowa do; send their champion into the battle. That champion being Grey, because he’s wearing armour, has battle experience from being in the Navy and such, and is more than willing to cut down anyone who stands in his way.

"Grey, remove this heresy with holy fire and steel, eh!" Pat yelled, encouraging Grey to charge forward, as she doesn't want to fight people who can pose them to submission along with summon words and music into the air around them. This heresy was too much for the coward.

“Yes, I shall spill the blood of ours and the Emperor's enemies! For this primitive festival! For Humanity! FOR DA EMPARAR!” Grey cried in zealous rage.

The most impressive looking, fanatical and god forsaken member of the Santa Crusaders stepped forward, tore off the plating on his arms along with his coat dyed into the colour red from Seal blood, then flexed his huge hair arms, gross muscles bulging as he does so and struck a beautiful smile at them while wearing the helmet. Even then the glow of his smile still shown through the helm's eye holes.

"Ha, is that all you got? LAAAAME!" The blue skinned, and easily least intimidating member of the trio mocked, and laughed rambunctiously as she stepped forward and did…something. Whatever she did with her hands, it caused a spotlight to shine down on her and partially blinding the pigs. She then jumped forward while performing a series of flips before landing, kneeling, stretching her arms out, shooting a condescending smirk at the knight and flexed the dainty muscles within her mighty arms.

A crack suddenly appeared at the knight's chest piece, then he felt something piece through his very being. “The fuck?” Grey stated as he stumbled back, confused and pissed off.

"This would be the time for me to say 'surrender, or meet your makers', but I'm not in a very forgiving mood right now." Adagio spoke once more, feeling superior over the rabble that is before her. Unknown to the HaM and main six who are witnessing the odd battle; the Dazzlings has returned to Canterlot High with new powers that no one has heard of until now.

Adagio employed the use of her recently new found powers, THE SUPERIOR BATTLE TENDENCY POSES. The poses are too powerful for Grey to handle as he was not as SUPERIOR as the orange haired girl as she posed.

“GAH?! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! THE POWER OF THE WARP ITSELF?!” He screamed in defiance, trying his hardest to stay in the fight, but was propelled back into the gym’s wall, and his set of armour was once again dented much to his annoyance. The Santa costumed HaM member was defeated by the orange and purple coloured toned girl, he was overwhelmed by the amount of power that eradiate from the poses.

“Welp, we’re fucked.” Pipe stated as the rest stared, open mouth and wide eyed at the fallen knight, but miraculously he survived with minimum injury due the armour. His ego and pride as a man is also what willed him to stand back up, and continue to push on despite the pain he feels throughout his entire body.

“How the hell are they doing this?" Avi screamed as pushed Tux towards the trio of girls.

"What? What did they do?!" Tux asked, getting nothing.

The most evil and orange of the group sneers at Avi, the same way one would sneer at a grease stain on their shirt, before singling him out and targeting him with her sick, SUPERIOR poses. Even with the power of the Jew alfather, and the spirit of Christmas he was nothing compared to the sinister squats of the fish girl.

“The stench of fish! I-It’s too mighty!” Avi cried out as he fell down and collapsed. He was lucky he survived, although Tux was 'fine'.

“What a loser, eh.” Pat exclaimed, wiping a nervous sweat from her forehead as she looked at her fallen comrades.

“Shit, we’re getting our asses kicked! We gotta fall back to the Cafeteria!” LPC ordered, whipping the blood, mud and various other stains off his war torn hoodie, brandishing an air rifle and trying to rally the fallen ‘heroes’.

“We’re fucked man, we gotta get the hell outa here!” Dan cried as he dragged a bloodied Pipe away from the battle, unable to see the glowing eyes of blue haired bully.

“EH! WARKING, WHERE ARE YOU?!” Pat cried for help as Aria jumped towards, crashed landed, then sat on her back as she posed. It's as though she was trying to break her friends' fighting spirit by belittling their morale officer, Aria watches in amusement at her struggle for help with a sadistic grin.

“I’ll save you my waifu!” Red heroically cried as Grey, LPC and Dan, who was conscripted, charged into the fray to try and save the group’s only worthwhile waifu.

“I don’t wanna be here!” Dan cried as Aria got up, and cracked her knuckles as Sonata took her seat on top of Tux’s torso, unaware that by touching the freak she’s contracted a plague that resided all over him. Within a minute, the remaining combat ready members of HaM were bloodied. Grey was face down ass up on the ground, his pants were torn and everyone could see his tightie whities; Dan was choking on his cup of coffee, Red was covered in red and LPC and Pat were being strangled simultaneously by Aria while Sonata and Adagio were sitting on top of a battered Anon and Avi respectively, their soft, pale jew bodies the perfect pillows.

“Well, my life was shit. ” Mel summed up as his life flashed before his eyes. “Sold a lotta nito shit tho.”

“You shit fuckers!” Pipe cried out, blood flying out of his mouth as he staggered up to try and help what was left of the group.

“So, have you accepted your life as a pillow my friendo?” Avi asked, blushing slightly.

“Meh, her butt’s a bit boney, but I can’t complain.” Anon complained, spitting out a loose tooth, and sniffing the scent Sonata was covered in. “Could smell better tho.” Sonata chose to not reply to the insult, but instead placed more weight onto the boy. "Ah, I think a rib broke!" Anon howled in pain while Avi laughed at his misery.

Warking walked in with a binder in hand full of metafics. “Hey guys, back from the lib-...What the fuck?” The curator of shitfics asked as he examined the warzone in front of him, not long after he arrive that suddenly a wild Chrome was summoned through the power of Hanukkah and thrown straight at the war.

“What the what?!” Chrome stammered out. One moment he’d been slumming it up in his house in a doctor’s coat and a pair of black slacks, ignoring his family as he drank shitty beer, and now he was lying on top of WarKing in a gym full of freakish looking teens, his friends all in different stages of dying or enslavement and three girls giving him an evil Ccheshire grin.

“Oooooh, he looks cute, I was getting bored with nothing to do, but watch Aria have all the fun! YAY!” Sonata cheered as she rushed forward, about to either beat Chrome into submission or snuggle him. Before she could, a large, condiment coloured fist stopped her.

“In the name of Harmony, we will stop you!” Sunset Shimmer stated as Twilight and her striked a pair of poses while their band of side character friends stood behind them.

“What about the name of Christmas you shitlord!?” Loose yelled from his ever growing pool of blood, but was ignored by Sunset and co.

“Well, well, well, the cowards finally bring themselves onto the field of battle... Tell me, was it worth letting these subhumans suffer while you seven cowered in fear?” Adagio questioned as she shook her head condescendingly.

Our battle bruvas lay on the floor battered from the battle, others were being re-purposed as furniture and the others stood on the sidelines trying not to be killed; but soon they too cannot withstand the power of poses. Although with the magic of friendship, and the anger at the Dazzlings for injuring the defenders of Christmas Cheer, both Twilight and Sunset found it within themselves to continue the fight for the fallen champions.

“Their pain will power our vengeance!” Twilight cried, animu-style, as they both stepped close together and stood strong and tall as they too used a very intensive pose similar to what the Dazzlings had used. Their poses blinding all in its majesty, a surge of positive energy flew towards the Dazzlings..

“W-What?! HOW?!” Aria cried in alarm and ire.

“Totally not cool!” Sonata stated as she fell of her human chair.

“Impossible!” Adagio continued as she stood tall, refusing to cower.

From the magic of Harmony flowing through her along with her own magical capabilities; Twilight had gained a more muscular physique as she further intensifies her pose. Her puny, noodle arms now gleamed with sweat as she furiously flexed her beefy arms. Just about every HaM member now feels inadequate as men.

“Anyone else feel really ashamed of themselves?” Dan asked as he coughed up his cup, Warking didn't reply, but he could care less about the beefy women.

“Absolutely heretical!” Anon quivered out in between tears.

“Yes.” Avi declared happily.

“Kind of.” Mel said as he shied away.

“Nope!” LPC cried, confident in the size of his shlong.

“No, only mutants can be that unnaturally beefy.” Grey tried to say, his concussion and nearly broken jaw still affecting his speech.

“I don’t have to worry aboot that kinda gay stuff, eh.” Pat stated as she compared her boobs to Twi’s and smiled confidently. At this Red blushed profusely, hiding his treky stiffy and Tux’s body shuffled slightly.

“WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!” Chrome questioned, being ignored by everyone.

The duel between Twilight and the Dazzlings is about to commence.

But while this is happening a certain blue haired teenage boy watched from afar with a manic smirk growing on his face. "They will never know, until it's too late." The boy maniacally said to himself as he walked away from the battle, and down the hallway.

I did what I can to edit this, but I think it'll be a enjoyable read even if you do come across a few fuck ups, eh. Loose helped a lot, like seriously, a shit ton kind of a lot, eh.