Pat's Holiday Special

I can't believe I actually got this out... expect quite a number of mistakes, eh.

An epic battle of poses has begun between Twilight and the Dazzlings. The members of HaM watch in awe as they out manly us all with their SUPERIOR poses. Some of us even cry from this.

“Man...It’s so beautiful…” Red said, crying through the blood running from his eyes.

“It’s fuckin’ heretical is what it is.” Grey retorted, refusing to admit he was out done by some purple chick with creepy long ass legs.

“I can’t see, what’s happening?” Anon asked, his body and head still being crushed by Sonata’s ass.

“We’re either going to die even more horribly or live to shitpost another day.” Loosey goosey informed as he coughed up a large, organ shaped thing that totally wasn’t vital to his survival and got ready to watch some cool shit. Suddenly, Adagio struck an immaculate pose so stunning it knocked everyone who wasn’t already on their ass down; yet somehow Twilight seemed unfazed, and annoyed by her own inferior posing. Tux’s rotting corpse sparkled majestically.

“It’ll take more than that to defeat the powers of FRIENDSHIP!” Twi cried, the word ‘friendship’ appearing behind her in large, stylish japanese characters with smaller white subtitles for the non-weebs.

“Hmph, I’ll deal with this muscle bound pig in clothes…” Aria threatened as she stood up and stepped on Avi, breaking one of his shins, and charge forward with a burning hatred.

“SWIRLING VORTEX PPPPPUUUUUUNNNNNCCCCHHHHHH!” She cried out, telegraphing one of her signature attacks. A volley of punches and poses assaulted Twilight, yet none connected as the lavender girl dodged them by jumping back. As Aria moved forward with the flashy display, Twi grabbed her by the arms and threw the girl over her back and onto the ground before jumping onto her, causing a small crater to appear in the grimy as fuck gym's floor.

“Fucking ten outta ten! Ten outta ten, hundred otta hundred, best game, BESTGAYME!” Mel screamed autistically, quoting some shitty person or some shit. The only response he got was Dan smacking him in the back of the head.

“Not bad old friend, not bad.” Sunset congratulated with a smirk.

Not to be outdone by her friend, after regaining her bearings Sunset got her ass off the floor, and looked over to Twilight. She was quick to follow Twilight’s lead in this battle, and somehow through the power of Christmas attacks the assumed weakest member of the Dazzlings; Sonata, with a mighty stance. A badass glare in her eyes instantly appear on her face, her stance blinds us all from its majesty. Sonata was quick to jump off of Anon in an attempt to defend herself.

“I don’t wanna die!” Sonata babbled like a punk bitch as she scrambled away from the heroic onslaught.

“Please let her die, the fish woman’s a putz.” Avi stated as he slowly stood up and walked over to where Pat, Loose, Grey, Red and Dan sat and nursed their severe wounds.

The moment the stance’s power should’ve hit her Sonata barely felt anything, as she was protected by her much more capable Adagio. Said Dazzling only protected the girl so she can have the numerical advantage in the battle, and not have to deal with an injured subordinate.

“You’ll have to try harder then that, you weaklings.” Adagio jeered with a massive, toothy grin.

The orange afro haired girl used her unique SUPERIOR pose, and deflected the power that shot to her from Sunset’s stance. Not knowing how this kind of magic works, but having little to no choice the other red head continued to put more pressure onto Adagio, enhancing her own strength by pointing her finger at the twin tail haired girl as if to focus fire onto the Dazzling.

“So, is this a normal day for you freaks or is this just something new?” Chrome asked as he tried to help fix the broken arms and open wounds that the non-shit tier HaM members had.

“Nah, without the magic this is just a normal day in ‘Straya ya cunt.” Loose informed, his boganism slipping in.

“Eh!” Pat stated, no one really knew what it meant but they assumed it was something similiar to her dumbfuck, Australian redneck ‘friend’.

“I can’t articulate how much I regret coming here.” Dan said, sipping his coffee that was embedded in his arm. “Really, there’s no words. I’ll have to make up new words to describe my regret.”

“Hunting heresy and spreading the Emperor’s will naturally draws sycophants like these deamon harlots!” Grey cried like a preachy bitch.

“We could be in Paris right now, blowing the guy who played Scotty but nnnnoooooo we had to go help some retarded kids instead!” Red muttered angrily, crying that he can’t suck the 4 inch dick of a Scotsman.

“I came here to be attacked and sell kids on the black market, so all in all it’s been a good night.” Mel, the Asian import, reminded as he eyed up the few kids brave enough to keep watching this fuckfest of violence and reasoned they’d be perfect for ‘working’ in Warking’s and Pat’s salt mines…. as in as editors for their shitty stories.

“Someone help me up...My other leg is over there somewhere.” Pipe requested as he was dragged over to the small group by Avi, Anon, Chrome dome and for some reason Tux’s sparkling torso came along.

After picking up their teeth and setting their bones back in place, the pig sows slowly stood back up with the support of one another. Half of the men were barely holding together. Pat’s dream to bring christmas joy; the one she and Loose had shared back at their shit posting on the threads were in ruins thanks to the Dazzlings.

“Fucking Dazzlings, none of this would’ve happened if we’d just stayed home and shitpost like ‘normal’ people!” Dan bitterly reminded while the agitated and butthurt group watched the amazeballs fight that was taking place five feet from them.

"Aight you fuckbois, listen up, eh!” Pat screamed as the HaM members looked at her… and quickly looked back at the fight. Aside from Red, Grey and Loose no one wanted to hear her shit.

“Fuckin’ listen to me, EH!” She yelled as she rose her crowbar and began ‘raising morale’ amongst the weaker members. With some convincing with her other crowbar, she manage to cobble together a fighting unit and form a plan that was only in the oven for a couple seconds before getting taken out, and thrown onto the counter; the plan was simple.

“This plan is fucking retarded, like you you bloody putz.” Avi insulted as Anon the treacherous jew wholeheartedly agreed.

“Unless you got something better, let’s do what my waif-I mean, valued friend over here says.” Red stuttered, spilling his spaghetti in front of everyone.

“Well, I didn’t think I’d live past tonight so the plan’s good enough for me.” Loose agreed as he popped his shoulder back in place, nabbed Pipe and Grey and took positions.

They were weak, so an all out attack was not going to work, so instead they planned to strike Adagio at once. You know, cut down the leader and the rest of the enemy forces fall apart? Sun Tzu said something like that, right? He’s the purveyor of war, so his advice on war is totes legit. Dan thought the plan was asinine, but was swiftly reminded by Mel that everything on HaM is asinine.

But before they could do so, the Dazzlings had finally unlocked their full potential!

“Those girls, something freaky is going on with them!” Chrome announced in shock and horror, causing Mel and Red to scream like little bitches.

“HAHAHA! COWER IN FEAR YOU SUBHUMANS!” Adagio instructed as she radiated with sinister energy, practically glowing as she posed gracefully like a Greek Goddess.

The pigs felt that the time of joy and laughter was destroyed, and replaced by negative energy. They began to pose even harder as they supercharged themselves, the members of HaM not knowing what’s going on, but the girls looked to be somehow absorbing all of the now visible negative energy around them.

“I think the mexican food I ate is coming back up…” Dan quietly warned as he keeled over and collapsed.

“Oh no… all those repressed memories are coming back up again!” Pat said to herself, suddenly remembering that one time at her cousin’s house with the dark bedroom, ropes and chair, her cousin and his friends were mostly naked, and they were standing around her with lecherous grins plastered on their faces.

“Those fuckin’ heretics are doing something again!” Anon the coward reminded everyone as they watched the fishy freaks of nature TRANSFORM!

Within moments their clothes bulged and teared in various places as they grew in size and powerful. Their arms grew muscles, their legs grew muscles, their eyes grew muscles; even their muscles grew muscles; their everything grew muscles. They’re waaaay more natty and fabulous than Twilight, who’s arms no longer looked as glamorous now compared to their enemies’.

“Wow... we’re fucked... Like, I knew we had a slim ass chance before but this... This is god-tier shit man… Fuck me man…” Chrome said, getting real for a second as he stood there and stared off into the distance, the non-existent wind blowing through his anime hair as he accepted his fate.

Shit turns grimdark as Tux was finally given the Emperor’s peace by getting killed off AGAIN from the sheer manliness the newly transformed girls excrete, and they haven’t even begun to attack us yet. We didn’t even have time to mourn Tux before his scattered body turned to dust, and became one with our breathing air.

“Oh god, Tux is inside me!” Warking cried in alarm, the gayness of his sentence shocking him to his core and nether regions. It was at this point Twilight had enough of this battle, and used what strength she has left to stand and strike a tired pose, though this too was powerful enough to have subtitle less kanji's appear out of nowhere.

ジョジョ立ち

“With the power of Equestria and my friends, I cannot lose to you!” She declared and so the Kanji's intensified as they enlarge themselves accompanied with an explosive sound effect.

“By the God Emperor, this display of warp powers is absolutely heretical!” Grey too declared; he would have beaten the heroine into dust if it weren’t for Tux’s ashes causing him to cough up his lungs.

Twilight ignored the man donned in dented armor. With her now radiating positive emotions, the friendship of magic through the use powerful poses it has sent magic to her close friends. Not going into detail, but they like the Dazzlings also became super buff with flashy lgith show and accompanied theme music typically heard in Japanese anime.

“Pat... I think I may be bisexual now, they’re just too manly for me not to be turned on~” Loose said, trying to hold back the shudder in his voice and boner in his shorts.

And as usual the Main Six in unison took a step forward in a righteous effort to save the day. instinctively they get into a loose defensive formation. A VERY loose formation, so as though they could quickly rearrange themselves into a more offensive formation.

“Ya’ll ain’t shit!” JappleAack shouted angrily, crackin’ her gross knuckles.

“FUCKIN’ YEAH BITCH!” RD violently screeched - the adrenaline running through within her veins filling her with rage, and making her vagina dick super small and veiny.

“DERLIN’” Rarity said like a fake basic bitch.

Fluttershy said nothing while Pinkie said some stupid meme about gay shit.

“Oi, what the fuck is this shit?” Grey questioned, he had taken a minute in an attempt to shove his teeth back in place, and had miss the entire display of raw power and magic.

“Come on guys... no wait, girls? Guys?... We gotta kick these fishes’ asses!” Twilight ordered as they all formed a V shaped formation and striked a pose.

Although the group has found new found energy and strength to fuel their SUPERIOR bodies, their minds are still exhausted from taking the brunt of the shock waves the prolonged battle had sent outwards, the same shock waves that have killed off Tux. Thus they were having a hard time paying attention to their surroundings, tired minds they have.

Silently someone approaches the battlefield. Someone everyone equally hated…

“Huh, anyone else feel like an asshole just entered the-” Loose’s pondering was interrupted as an unforeseen pose struck him from the shadows, causing him to fall onto Pat’s marshmallow breasts, kick Red in the phaser, piss in Dan’s watered down coffee, curse Grey’s religion, make Mel lose his money, Pip to get madder, Warking to recheck the metafic list, Chrome to question his existence, Tux to be even more dead and Anon to fuck Avi with his jew fro. This all happened in the space of three seconds.

The mysterious stranger slowly, yet somehow quickly slipped out of the shadows as he quickly made his way to the undefended rear of the Main Six. A few members of HaM has taken notice of the man, but didn’t think to call him out for looking like a weirdo with his blue hair.

“Nice guitar fagget, kill yourself.” Grey ordered, causing the unknown teen to chuckle like a dumb, dark, emo anime character.

Ignored by HaM, the blue haired teen raised his steel bat, and swings the well manufactured and expensive bat to AppleSack’s head. With a loud crack the buff girl drops to the cold floor without uttering a gasp. The blue haired boy grins maniacally at this, he had soundly defeated what should’ve been a powerful opponent. He had cheesed it by waiting until he saw them wavering, weakened. He had struck down a member of the main six in the most dishonorable fashion, by physically striking them with a baseball bat while she was unaware.

What a fuckin’ prick, not even using poses to fight. “I got so much respect for him right now.” Mel shuddered out, amazed by his K.Oing skills.

Caught off guard, Rainbow Dash turned around with a jump, and attempted to retaliate, but with her back now exposed she was knocked down to the floor by the Dazzlings who took advantage of her dire distraction. Although the girl was lucky for not being taken fully out of the fight as she still had consciousness, thanks to Pinkie Pie jumping directly where the Dazzlings poses were directed at, but before she could make a pose to defend herself she took the attack originally flexed at colorful haired girl.

“I did it... for the lols brah.” Pinkie gasped as she slipped into unconsciousness, and was now slowly losing her buff gender bending powers. Even then, the two downed girls were having trouble getting back up, the blue haired boy cackled as he swung the bat to crack open Rainbow’s skull.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Huge Twilight screamed, shocked to see her quasi boyfriend/friend zoned melvin assaulting her friends. The boy had stopped just as the bat was about the hit Pinkie right in the face, he didn’t knew why hearing Twilight's screamed had caused him to halt his sure to be killing blow. But he felt the need to say something before he goes back to being a murderous psychopath or an edgy tween.

“You thought it would be Adagio to take your friends’ lives… but it would actually be I, Flash Sentry!“ He referenced with a shit eating grin and a victorious thumb’s up to himself.

“...WOW, what an asshole!” Pipe jeered from the sidelines.

“BOOO!” Dan cried, throwing a few coffee cups at him.

“Your hair is bad and you should feel bad!” Mel taunted, making it rain with Taiwanese money and coke cans.

“Would you people-” An irked Flash Sentry was cut off by more shitty insults.

“Go back to Washington you fascist, EH!” Patty suggested, completely disregarding the Iowain origins of this would-be murderer.

“Fuckin’ feg, can’t even kill people the right way!” Loosey laughed, falling asleep in between Pat’s warm pillows, while also popping a little half chub much to Pat’s surprise.

“You wouldn’t be so tough if Picard was here!” Red nerded out, forgetting that Picard is basically a fuckin’ skeleton; and skeletons aren’t real. Everyone knows that, except for Red. Poor him and his silly theories.

“The God Emperor turns his gaze from you!” Grey declared, pointing dramatically at Sentry and almost attackin’ him with said pose. THAT IS HOW MUCH HE BELIEVES IN DA GOD EMPRAH!

“I still don’t know what’s going on, but you’re a fucker!” Chrome stated, still mostly confused and disorientated.

“Eat shit!” Warking demanded as he threw Faustin’s discarded metafics at him.

“You fuckin’ amoretz, go home and grow some balls you prepubescent kid!” Avi the Avid Jew shouted in Yiddish.

“Meh, he seems kinda cool I guess.” Anon stated, causing Grey to sucker punch him in the back of the head.

Tux said nothing, as deadmen quote no memes.

“I was going to ask you ignorant, basement dwelling, insignificant whelps to be quiet. Now it seems I’ll have to deal with you people after them…” Flash, not the savior of the Universe, said emotionlessly as he turned away from them, foreshadowing them of their imminent demise...