Harsh Beginings

My alarm went off in the morning meaning I finally had my chance to start over, I felt extremely happy today, as if everything was going to be better now. After I finished getting ready I trotted off to Sugercube Corner,

“I haven’t seen Ditzy yet, I really should go visit her, she’ll be happy to see me again, well I sure will be happy to se her”

As I approached Sugercube Corner I saw that the door was closed, which is weird cause it should be open by now, Pinkie told me she opens at 9 am and its already 9:15. I hope I’m still on time.
“Hello?” I asked as I slowly opened the door, strangely the lights were off, I wondered if Pinkie decided to open up a little late

“SURPRISE!” shouted a bunch of ponies as the turned on the lights and came out of nowhere.

“Oh! What’s all this?!” I was surprised indeed but I didn’t know if it was meant for me, maybe I had walked in somepony else’s party by accident

“It’s a welcome party silly, do you like it, I figure I throw you a party since you’re new and stuff, and I imagined you didn’t know anypony so I invited everypony I could so you could have as many friends as me!” said Pinkie as she hopped over to me from her hiding spot.

“Wow, Thanks Pinkie this is truly a very good surprise, I like the whole décor, but don’t we need to bake some stuff?” I didn’t know what to respond or what to say, I was confronted with my worst nightmare, I had to socialize with ponies, I figured I get to the kitchen and bake whatever was needed as long as I was by myself.

“Don’t worry about that we have enough goodies here for the whole day, just enjoy you’re party Loaf.” She said as she hopped over to a group of ponies. I figure I would just stand near the door, I figured that if I was going to be making new “friends” I might as well greet them at the door and get it over with,

“Hi, nice to meet you my name is Lyra and this is my friend Bon-Bon” I blue pony came up to me followed by a sort of low toned yellow pony.

“Nice to meet you girls, the name is Loaf.” I really didn’t care about meeting anypony but I had to do it, well, do it for Pinkie she did after all organize all this just for me, it’s the nicest thing anypony has done for me in years, after a while I decided to go get something to drink.
* * * *
“Um remind me what we’re doing here” said a blue pony as they walked in to Sugercube Corner

“I told you Soarin, were here to visit my brother.” Said I yellow pony as she looked around for Loaf

“Well why don’t you ask some pony where he is?” Asked Soarin as he saw all the goodies and all the mares.

“No, I want to give him the surprise.”

“Mhmm, well then… go look. For him” said Soarin as he shoved pie in his mouth

“Fine you stay here and do whatever it is that you do when I leave you alone.” Said Spitfire as she started to walk around.

“Well hello ladies, wanna go for a ride on the Soarin airlines.” Said Soarin as he tried to lay a move on a group of ponies that were standing near the food.

“Not even in your dreams” said one of the mares as the rest laughed and walked away

“Oh man, what’s wrong with these ponies, don’t they know who I am; oh wait…IM NOT WEARING MY SUIT!” Shouted Soarin as he grabbed to more pieces of pie.
* * * *
“Where could Loaf be?” asked Rainbow Dash as she entered Sugercube Corner with Fluttershy

“Maybe he is making new friends, or just you know hanging out, but I mean I don’t know for sure.” Responded Fluttershy as they looked for a place to sit down.

“I need to talk to him, HEY! Pinkie come over here.” Shouted Rainbow as Pinkie jumped towards the table.

“Hi girls how are you? Are you okay cause I’m okay, nice party huh,-” she was interrupted by Rainbow.

“Pinkie quite for a second, I need to know where Loaf is.”

“Oh he was speaking to Lyra and Bon-Bon earlier but I don’t know where he went after that.”

“Oh okay I’ll talk to him later then” responded Dash as she took a sip out of her drink.
“Okie dokie lokie then see you girls later!”

“Um I’m gonna go get something to eat, you want anything Dash?” asked Fluttershy as she got up from the table.

“Nah I’m fine thanks.”

“Okay I’ll be right back then” Fluttershy slowly trotted her way to where the food was at.

Rainbow Dash sighed as she thought about last night, “I don’t know if I should go on with this, I mean he has been used for this stuff before in his life but he opened up to me… how could I possibly do this to him? I love Blues but I don’t want to hurt Loaf, this is so hard plus he said so himself, he only wanted us to be friends... For now.”

“Hey Dash how you doing?” asked a blue colt

“What the hay? What are you doing here Blues, I mean not there’s nothing wrong with that. He he…” Dash blushed as he sat down next to her, she needed to act fast and need to take a decision.

“So what is a lovely mare like you doing here.” He too wanted her back and tried to lay as many pick-up lines as he could

“Well it’s my friend’s Loaf welcome to Ponyville party, and well I had to come.” I noticed I had blushed when I turned over to look at him.

“You now that I can’t stay away from one of Pinkie’s party, so you want to get something to drink.” He smiled at her, he wasn’t leaving until he had her back.

“Sure I would love to.” She smiled back at him as they both got up.
* * * *
“Hey! Loaf!” called Spitfire as she saw him across the room trying to get his attention

“Huh, Wait…Spitfire?!” said Loaf in a low tone. Could it be my sister?
She quickly galloped towards him, it had been 2 years since they last spoke, he couldn’t believe she actually had some free time with that whole Wonderbolts thing.

“Loaf it’s me Spitfire I got your letter.” She said as she finally got to where he was standing

“Oh my, it’s been a long time sis, I forgot what color your mane was.” I laughed as I said this last comment, I then approached to hug her, I was to see a familiar face literally.

“How did you manage to find time to come, I mean you must have a tight schedule?” I asked making some conversation.

“Well we managed to get a free day and well I wanted to come visit you.”

“Wait what do you mean we.” I asked surprised to the fact that she brought company

“Yeah, Soarin tagged along, but knowing him he is probably trying to hit on some mares.” She laughed I guess she knows how much luck he gets at that.

“But well enough about me, tell me have you met anypony, did you finally get pass your dating problem.” She knew my past because I always trusted her with my secrets.

“Well I’ve made friends, but as for the dating…I’m afraid some wounds take time to heal even after so many years.” I made a slight frown as I said that last part

“Well you’ll have to get over it sometime, you have to know that not all mare are the same, not all of them will only use you and the only way you can be sure of that is by getting rid of your social stigma.” She gave me a small speech .

“I know but I still don’t have that much confidence in me…By the way there’s something I wanted to ask you... well its more of a favor.”

“Well lay it on me you now you can count with me on anything, but make it quick because we have to get going.”

“There’s this one mare that is my friend and well she’s always wanted to join the Wonderbolts so I wanted to see if there was a chance you could give her an audition.”

“Well you know I have to consult the rest of the Wonderbolts team and see if there is an opening but yeah I’ll see what I can do, just give me the name of the pony and I’ll contact you to see what happens okay?”

“Okay, her name is Rainbow Dash.” I said hoping that she knew her

“Wait a second Rainbow Dash, she saved us at the Best Flyers Competition a few years back, plus she is the only Pegasus to ever do a Sonic Rainboom twice, I’m sure that’ll give some extra credit, well we have to go it was good seeing you again lil bro.” She always called me that even after Clyde was born.

“Well it was good seeing you too sister take care and I hope we see each other more frequently again.”

“Yeah, you should fly up to Cloudsdale one of this days.” She said as we both walked towards the door.

“You know I stopped flying a long time ago…”

“Your still holding on to the past? Just let it go Loaf, that’s the only thing you have to do if you truly want your fresh start that you been longing for so long.

“I guess your right… I have a lot of things to think of… well see you later Spitfire.” I said as she left Sugercube Corner.

“Yeah take care, oh I almost forgot, Soarin come on, time to leave.” She shouted as Soarin show up with a black eye.

“Yeah, yeah I’m coming, this one mare totally hoofed in the face with all her might.”
I went back inside and all of the sudden I was spotted by Rarity how rushed over to talk to me

“Darling how have you been?” she asked me as she got near.

“Fine I guess, really haven’t been able to socialize with anypony since I only know you and your friends, plus I’m not really the social type.” I said as i let out a little sigh.

“Well if you ask me, I’m here for you, you can talk to me about anything you want no problem what so ever.” She let out a big smile, I knew since we met that she has a little crush on me but I don’t mind, she really not my type either ways.

“Well I wanted to talk to somepony, not about a specific thing but more about them. I want to get to know somebody, I want to know their story, that’s all I really want to hear.” I said hoping I would finally be able to know somepony other than just their name.

“Why of course darling come on sit down I’ll tell you about me… I mean if that’s okay with you sweetie.” She said a little nervous, she liked me and I didn’t like her back well at least not in the same way.

“No problem I’m all ears.” I noticed Spike was looking at us, that when I remembered that Pinkie had slip her lips and told me that he had a crush on Rarity, I could tell he was a little bit angry but after I was done talking with her I would go and tell him I didn’t like her and only want her as a friend.

“Well it all start when I was a little filly, you see I’ve always loved designing cloths and well one day my school was going to have a play and I was in charge of making the costumes and well I was real frustrated because they weren’t all that good and well my horn started glowing and dragging me outside.”
I didn’t really put that much attention, I just started thinking about everything, my sister was right about the flying part, but really I have no reason to fly anymore, the only reason I could find would be if I met a mare that made me want to do all the stuff I stopped doing a long time ago but until then, I’m stuck being only on the ground.
After she was done talking I told her I was going to go the bathroom which was a complete lie but I didn’t want to keep talking in fact I was thinking about going home already.

“Hey you Loaf!” shouted Spike as he rushed over to me

“Oh hey Spike, I wanted to talk to you.” I turned around to face the baby dragon.

“Yeah I wanted to talk to you too, who do you think you are, just coming in and taking Rarity to yourself?” he sounded angry.

“Don’t worry, I have no interest what so ever in her, we’re only friends, nothing more.” I made sure I sounded convincing last thing I wanted was a total misunderstanding.

“Well I have my eye on you.” He said as he walked away.
I saw Fluttershy was by herself so I decided to go hang out with her, as the point the party was starting to die out, there weren’t that many ponies left

“Hello” I said as I walked up behind her.

“Ahh!” She let out a little scream, she got scared so easily, probably due to her shyness, we were the one that had the most in common,

“Sorry didn’t mean to scare you, I just wanted to talk.” I said quickly so she wouldn’t walk away.

“Oh no I’m sorry I overreacted, my bad…” she apologized as she turned to look at me

“Don’t worry, if anypony should be apologizing it needs to be me, I’m the one who scared you.” I said letting out a smile.

“Oh okay then, um Rainbow told me about your past, don’t worry she wouldn’t be able to do such a thing to you.” She smiled back at me

“Wait she told you all my story?” I was confused, why would she tell her not that its bad I can clearly see that Fluttershy isn’t a bad pony and she probably didn’t know it was a secret between us.

“Yeah, why? She wasn’t supposed to tell me?” I lowered her ears like if she was in trouble, she looked kind off cute now that I look at her with more detail.

“Nah don’t worry, it good I prefer that everypony knows my past, that way I have nothing to hide.”

“Well okay then if you say so… hey want to go sit down with me and Dash?” she asked as she started looking for her realizing she wasn’t where she last saw her.

“Sure. I need to tell her something.” We both started looking around for her, finally Fluttershy spotted Dash.

“Hey Loaf I found her she over there with…” she stopped talking when she saw that she was with Blues.

“Oh yeah I see her now.” I answered as I walked up next to Fluttershy.
But when we were getting close it happened… Dash kissed the colt she was with… I had been used again. I just froze right there where I was standing, Fluttershy saw it too and quickly froze next to me,

“Oh my goodness Loaf I’m so sorry” she said as she too witnessed what had just happened.

“Are you okay?” she asked more concerned.
I couldn’t believe this, I quickly felt tears falling to my cheeks, finally Dash turned over and saw me crying and quickly stopped what she was doing.

“Oh no! Loaf it’s not what it looks like!” she quickly got up and rushed over to me, I started backing up when she was almost near me.

“Please let me explain.” She begged me

“What do you want to explain, that you took advantage of me like the other mares did in my past? That he kissed you first? I opened up to you Dash, I told you all my secrets, and this is how you treat me, like a piece of useless crap? But I’m mean at the end that’s all I really am…” I said as I started to cry even more heavily.

“No you got this all wrong.” She said trying to get me to calm down.

“No… It’s my fault, I should have never tried to start over, I should have walked away when you went to apologize to me outside the alley.”

“Please Loaf just listen…”

“No…Not anymore…” I walked out Sugercube Corner, I didn’t need any of this, I just wanted to be by myself… I should of guessed the story would repeat itself.

“Well that was dramatic, now where were we Dash” Said Blues as if nothing had just happened, everypony else was in shock.

“Dash how could you?” Commented Fluttershy as she rushed out the door to catch up to Loaf, it was strange, Fluttershy never acted like that, she’s always shy and wouldn’t have ran out after him like that.

“He’s right, I betrayed him and just to get back with Blues…I’m a monster…” thought Rainbow Dash as she just stood there in the middle of the room.
All her friends where dumfounded for what had just occurred, Applejack and Twilight followed Fluttershy and Pinkie and Rarity stayed. Everypony was silent all of sudden finally after a few minutes Pinkie spoke up

“I think everypony should go hit the hay now” she said in an upset voice, but everypony did just that leaving only Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Spike and Pinkie Pie in the room, even Blues had left.
** ** **
I finally arrived at my house and hurried in and closed the door with one of my hind legs, I began to cry mindlessly and started to punch the wall, I couldn’t cope with this, the pain was massive, after a while I went into the kitchen and got a knife and sat down at the couch think about everything that has happed to me till that very moment.
** ** **
“Fluttershy wait up!” Screamed Applejack as she and Twilight tried to catch up to her.

“No girls, I need to talk to him by myself.” She said as she slowed down before getting to his house.

“But-” Applejack was interrupted by Twilight “No she’s right, Fluttershy is good with animals, who says she can’t handle this with a pony?”

“Thank you Twilight.” Said Fluttershy as she hurried again to get to Loaf’s house quickly.
** ** **
“Well Loaf, you had a decent run, now it’s time to depart from the world of the living” Said Loaf in a low voice as he was about to cut himself to take his life away, suddenly there was a knocking on the door

“Go away! I won’t be bothering anypony else after this” I shouted as I really didn’t care about anything anymore, sadly I had figured out at the last moment of my life that I could have fallen in love with Fluttershy, but why would somepony so cute want to be with a nonsocial piece of trash like me?

“No Loaf please open, don’t do anything stupid, we need to talk!” screamed Fluttershy, she knew Loaf was about to do something he could regret.

“Huh? Fluttershy? What do you need?” I asked as I got just a little bit of happiness in my heart, at least the last thing I would hear would be her sweet voice.

“Please just let me in I beg you, don’t do anything stupid.”
I had no choice I couldn’t bare hearing her so concerned, the least I could do was let her see me one last time, I got up from the couch and opened the door.

“You came back, Why?” I asked, why would she come if we only talked a bit at the party, yet again she also knew what I had been thru so l had no choice but to let her in

“Can I come in? I need to talk to you” she asked relieved that I had opened the door.

“Sure no problem, take a sit on the couch if you want.” I let her in and pointed her to the couch.

“We need to talk, you need to that you’re not the only shy one here, if you haven’t noticed, I’m shy as well.” She said as she looked at me.

“Really, you don’t seem shy, well around me you don’t.” I said, I knew she was shy but I didn’t care.

“You see… that’s the thing, I’m not shy around you, it’s like I’ve known you my whole life and I don’t act shy around you…. “ she answered but this time she looked away.

“Look Fluttershy, if you’re in love or feel the slightest thing for me, I hate to break it to you but all I can really be for anymare right now I nothing but a friend.” I had to make this clear, even if I had the slightest feeling for her, I had to protect her and myself.

“Oh… um very well… I just want you to know that I’m here for you whenever you need me, just count with me...” she said a little depressed

“I don’t want you to feel unloved Fluttershy its just you don’t know what I’ve been thru…” I said as I got closer to her.

“But I do know…” she replied

“Oh yeah I forgot, Dash told you my story…” I had forgotten about that.

“No it’s not because of that…”

“Then what is it?” I wanted to know, did Dash tell her about everything even my sex life.

“You really don’t remember do you?” she asked me as she turned to look at me.

“There are a lot of things I don’t remember, if you could please refresh my memory?”

“I was with you in middle school, in your science class.” That when it hit me, I remember her being new to the class right around the time when I started isolating myself, I remember my table partner, teasing me with having a crush on her, which I remember I did, she was one of the most beautiful mares I had seen but I didn’t talk to her because I was afraid to be used again.

“Yes that was me…I’ve always had a crush on you.” replied Fluttershy as she blushed a little.

“Well if I would have known that…” I said somberly, if only I would have talked to her things might have had been different. My thoughts were interrupted by Fluttershy

“What were you going to do with this knife?” she asked me about the knife which I had completely forgotten about it, but I figured there was no point on hiding the truth.

“I-I… I was going to suicide….”I could tell my words hit her hard cause she gasped heavily after I hurled those words at her.

“But…Why would you do such a thing?” She quickly became concerned.

“Well, after everything that happened today, I just want to go, I no longer wish to live, I’ve been standing a lot of problems my whole life, not just socially but mentally also.”

“Why would you think about that?”

“Look Fluttershy this isn’t nothing new, I’ve been thinking about this my whole life, my mind is set and I’m not backing out.”

“But this isn’t the solution.” I noticed some anger in her voice and couldn’t believe she would be talking to me like this, after all she does know me the best.

“But trust me, it’s the easiest.” I replied hoping she would drop the talk and leave me alone.

“What about friends? Friendship can help you and if you let me and my friends be part of your social life can change, just give us a chance.” She looked at me and by the judge of her face, she wasn’t leaving until I said yes.

“So… you promise you and your friends can help me out.” I tried to sound as interested as I could.

“Yes I promise, just give us a chance, not all of us are like the mares you’ve been with and I can guarantee that Rainbow Dash isn’t like that either, I just don’t know what’s up with her.” After much thought I finally came up with a response

“So you’re saying that if I give you and yours friends a chance and hang out with you girls, you can help me get over my phobia?”

“Yes, but please just don’t do anything stupid, just hang out with us tomorrow the whole day and then you can decide for yourself.” She gave me a little smile which made me trust her and made me unintentionally smile back.

“Fine, I’ll do it, for you Fluttershy.”

“Well in that case I’m gonna go now, see you tomorrow Loaf.” She said as she walked out the door. I just watched her leave down the dirt road. I had a lot to meditate over this night, after everything that happened, I still felt sad and started crying a bit as I headed up to my room to sleep, once I was ready and got into bed I thought about what my sister and Fluttershy had told me. They were both right, Spitfire on the whole flying part and Fluttershy with the solutions and they both were right with the social aspect of my life. I guess I have to leave everything up to Fluttershy and her friends for now. After many minutes of thinking and shedding a few tears still heartbroken about earlier I managed to get some rest, after all I did have a long day of head of me tomorrow.