Surprise Days

~ Surprise Days ~

By NoGiantRobots1983

( nogiantrobots1983@gmail.com )

Scene 2

The Man Experiment

~ Let's Begin! ~

Act 1

"And so I said 'Marry him?  The thought makes me sick!'"  Surprise shuddered, and the little girls around her laughed, as did some of the older ponies.  They didn't think it was that funny, but laughter has a way of being contagious.  Sitting at the edge of the audience, Twilight Sparkle smiled.

It had been a long time since the Diamond Dog adventure, but the children still loved hearing the story, and especially liked hearing it from the new face in town.  Surprise, it seems, got along well with kids.  It helped that the dusty white pegasus had an unusual pet.  Twilight turned her glance towards that pet.  An unusual, apelike creature called a "human being."  Actually, he didn't really meet Twilight's idea of an ape at all.  Far from being a hulking brute, Raydence (that was the human's name) was skinny and lanky, which had a way of making him look taller than he really was.  Even so, he was taller than most ponies.  Big Macintosh, standing on his hind legs, only came up to Raydence's chest.  Raydence seemed to have no hair on his bare skin, save for the dark mane atop his head, a part of which came down front and rendered his eyes invisible.  Twilight was able to deduce that this was why the creature wore clothes near-constantly:  being furless undoubtly makes one more sensitive to chill.

Moreso than Surprise, Raydence was a continuing source of wonder and curiosity to the residents of Ponyville.  Even now a group of ponies couldn't help surrounding him and pestering him with questions.  For once, Fluttershy was part of the gathering, and she couldn't help declaring (again and again) how cutesy-wootsey he was.  Twilight didn't really see anything "cute" about the human, but she did listen when Raydence answered questions.  Many of the answers confirmed what she already guessed, but he sometimes made odd references to things she couldn't fathom.

Here was one such exchange:

"So is 'Raydence' a... typical name for humans?"  a brown stallion with an hourglass cutie mark asked.

"Nah," Raydence had a really casual style about his speech, never really getting emotional about anything.  In fact, the most emotional Twilight had seen him was when he almost walked out on Surprise during the Diamond Dog adventure, and even that had been carried with an air of this being an everyday occurence for him.  About his name, Raydence explained: "It's sort of a compromise.  Surprise wanted to call me Cadence.  But I wanted to be called Ray Force, like my favorite video game.  So we decided on Raydence."  Twilight wondered what a "video game" was, but she never got a chance to ask.

Out of nowhere Pinkie Pie jumped in Raydence's arms, pushed her nose up against his, and asked in her rapid-fire voice "Know any tricks?  Do ya huh huh huh?"

Raydence slowly let out "Well... I can cook casserole in thirty-six languages!"

But before he could demonstrate his linguistic culinary skills, Rainbow Dash hovered beside him and said "Pinkie, please!  You almost look like you're the pet!"

Surprise took notice at this point and, asking the children to excuse her, walked to Raydence's side said "Yes, she does.  Lady, please don't let Raydence hold you like that."

"Awww," Pinkie reluctantly jumped back to the ground, "Why not?"

"Because there was a time in history when humans used to keep ponies as pets.  I think I've managed to train the genetic  memory out of my human, but even so I don't want him getting any funny ideas.  Casserole in thirty-six languages indeed!"

Twilight's ears perked up.  This was all new information for her, and very interesting information at that.  It was weird to think of her own species being kept as pets, and Twilight made a mental note to ask Surprise about it the minute she saw an opening.  But that wasn't to be just yet:  Surprise immediately went back to talking to the children and dazzling them with tales of mischief, and Raydence was talked into doing tricks.

Rainbow Dash fluttered down to Twilight's side, and yawned.  In a low voice she opined "Don't those ponies ever get tired of the same thing?  It's been like this every day now.  Surprise goes out with her human and suddenly everypony wants a moment!  We've done things twice as exciting and we don't get mobbed like that!"

"Rainbow!"  Twilight smirked, "Are you jealous?"

"Me?  Jealous?  No way!  Look, I gotta head home, see--"

Suddenly Dash hiccuped, and the scent of Cider reached Twilight's nostils.  She sniffed a few times then said "That doesn't smell like Apple Family Cider.  Rainbow...?"

Looking sheepish, Rainbow Dash admitted, "Yeah, I had a craving, so I imported some cheap cider from Manehattan.  It was okay, but--" she hiccuped again.

"You're drunk," Twilight stated obtusely.

"Yeah... they've got a little more alcohol in 'em than I'm used to."

"You sure you'll be able to fly straight?"

"Hey, I can handle being under the influence.  No problem!"  this was said just as Dashie accidentally put her foot in a bucket and had a tumble.  Twilight could only roll her eyes and help the friendly neighborhood pegasus to her feet.

"You can crash at my place for tonight.  We'll call it a sleepover!"

Dash wiped some dirt out of her mane.  "Guess I better, huh."  The answer was so obvious that Twilight didn't feel like responding:  Dash was so tipsy that she needed help just walking to the library.  Once they were inside, Dash curled up on the first rug she saw and went to sleep.  Twilight couldn't help but giggle, and used her unicorn magic to put Dashie in a spare bed and cover her with a blanket.

Everyone's favorite purple unicorn then decided she better see where Spike was.  No sooner was she about ready to head out the door than the dragon came in the door, dancing a jig and singing a song:

I know the place where I'm going

and the place where I'm going

is just around the bend.

And you know, there's a lot that I can show you

and if you want to go there I can get you in!

Happy is the secret word!

And if you're happy it can get you through!

Cuz I love you!

You know its true!

And I can make you happy if you love me too!

"Spike!"  Twilight giggled, "Where did you learn that?"

"Like it?  Its a human world song!  Raydence was singing it just now!"

"I'm sorry I missed it.  Sounds like it was quite a performance."

"Gosh... if me and Rarity ever get married, I hope someone sings that at our wedding."

Twilight giggled.  She thought lover-boy there was jumping ahead of himself, but hey, a kid can dream.

"Oh, hey," Spike suddenly handed her a book, "This came in the mail for you."

Twilight quickly glanced it over:  "All right!  This is the most recent volume of the Alchemist's Cookbook!  Volume 56 in fact!  I've been waiting all month for this!"  Ever ready to read a new book, Twilight flung it on her reading carpet and opened it straight up to the table of contents.

Spike had to ask "Since when were you an alchemist?"

"Well it's a kind of magic.  And since I study magic, it only makes sense that I study alchemy too!  Besides, the last issue had a really useful weed-killer that I was able to mix up for Fluttershy, so you just never know when this stuff will come in handy!"

Spike scratched his chin, "Yeah, I guess you're right."  then he yawned and said "I better get to bed.  See ya in the morning."

"'Night."

And so Twilight lay there thoroughly reading her new and enchanting volume.  So enchanting, in fact, that she wound up going to sleep with her head plonked between its pages.  And thus the night passed.

In the morning Twilight awoke to find someone had placed a plate full of grass next to her.  She heard Spike still singing and I can make you happy if you love me too!  In the next room, while Rainbow Dash was looking through the bookshelves.  It was weird to think there was a time when Dash actually didn't like to read, but a book called Daring Do had fixed that!

And that was exactly what Dash was looking for.  "Hey, wasn't the new Daring Do due out this month?"  she asked when she noticed Twilight was awake.

"Oh yeah!  It's in a box full of new books I haven't sorted yet.  I'll get right on that!"  Twilight hastily rushed into another room, cursing herself for being so sloppy.  Sure, the new shipment had only arrived the day of the Diamond Dog adventure and things just kept coming up, but that was no excuse!  "Twilight, you're getting sloppy!" was all Twi could say to herself.

There was the box, a stack of books within.  Twilight's plan had been to just look for the Daring Do novel, but she found it impossible to search without also organizing the books, or at least alphabetizing them, so she lined them up against the wall in alphabetical order by author.  To be fair, this made finding the book she saught much easier, and she ran back to Dashie with the book in ha--err, in ho--err, in magical floaty thing.

When she got back, Dash was skipping through the Alchemist's Cookbook which Twi had left open.

"Hey Twi," Dash called her attention, "This book has a mistake."

"It does?  Where?"

"Okay, look at this potion, 'Headache Cures'."

"I see it."

"But on the very next page, there's one called 'Romantic Magnetism'.  Notice anything?"

Twilight did look, and was astonished and delighted to notice it: "They're the exact same recipe!  Dash, you've found a misprint!  Here, you better write a letter to the publisher informing them of your discovery!  Hurry!"

"Why so excited?"  Dash asked.

"The Alchemist Cookbook Publishing House has very high standards when it comes to their books.  They're so high, in fact, that they actually offer a two-hundred-bit reward to anyone who finds a misprint, plus a free corrected copy of the volume in question!  Hurry, before somepony else claims it!"

"But... I can't write."

"SPIKE!"

Spike came running in a hurry, thinking it was something big.  Twi gave him the ink and paper and said "Take a letter please!  Dear Alchemist Cookbook Publishing Company.  I, Rainbow Dash, have discovered--"

"You're not Rainbow Dash!"

"Just write what I say!"

"Okay..."

Then suddenly the front door burst open and Surprise cried out "Hallo in there!  This the library?"

"Um, yes it is!"  Twilight turned towards the guest, whom she noticed had brought her pet human, who seemed to be rubbing his head nonstop.  "What seems to be the problem?"

"Raydence here needs some good readin'.  He's got a headache ya see."

Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow, "Actually, I don't see."

Surprise smirked.  "It's very simple.  When I have a headache, I read, and my headache goes away.  It's the same for him.  We've been on the road so much that his brain hasn't gotten enough exercise, so he needs some good books."

"Well, you'll find plenty of those here," Rainbow Dash looked at the Daring Do shelf, "In fact I'd recommend that shelf over there."

Twilight Sparkle was on another train of thought:  "You say Raydence has a headache?"

"Uh-huh."

"Well, stay here until I get back, I may have just the thing!"  and Twilight took the Alchemist's Cookbook Volume 56 with her to the kitchen.  She opened the book on the table, quickly scanned the list of ingredients.  To Twilight's great joy, they were all things she had around the house.  So she gathered them all up.

All the sudden Rainbow Dash slammed a forehoof into the table and said "Just what do you think you're doing?!"

"Mixing up a headache remedy, what do you think I'm doing?"

"But isn't that the book that had that epic misprint?  What if you end up giving him a... 'Romantic Magnetism' by mistake?  What is 'Romantic Magnetism' anyway?"

Twilight Sparkle realized that was a very good question, and flipped to the Romantic Magnetism potion entry.  Reading through, she said "The description's own words say:  'The pony who drinks this will find himself (or herself) romantically admired by all adult virgins of the opposite gender for twenty-four hours, effective on sight.'  I don't think we need to worry."

"Yeah?  I don't know..."

"Look, the ingredients are so common that its more likely they double-printed the headache potion.  Besides, what's the worst that could happen?  A few fillies get all starry-eyed?  He's already a sensation around town, I doubt anypony will know the difference!"

Rainbow Dash could only sigh and say "I hope you're right."

When Dash and Twi returned with the drink, they found Raydence reading a book and Surprise still perusing the selection.  Twi floated the drink to the human and said "Here, drink this."

It was hard to tell due to the whole hair-over-eyes thing, but when Raydence grabbed the drink he seemed to look it over for a bit.  Then he sniffed it and mumbled "smells like grape juice."  Twilight wondered for a moment if maybe he just wasn't going to drink it.  Then, finally he took the whole swig in one swift gulp.

As the liquid poured down his throat, Twilight found herself looking him over from his head to his chest and those long, lanky arms, and admiring what a well-built and athletic creature he must be.  Surely he was strong, and those finely-toned muscles could see him through tons of life's daily challenges!  The way his hair covered his eyes gave him that edge of mystery that Twilight realized she always found fascinating in a person.  See how he said "Ahh!" with such hearty, healthy lungs!  Such energy in his every movement!  Such--

"You really get excited when you feed someone, don't you?"

Surprise had suddenly stepped in front of Twilight, and was looking at the unicorn with one raised eyebrow.  Twilight felt like she should be embarrassed, though she didn't quite know why.  Instead Twilight cocked her own eyebrow and said "Was I doing something... strange?"

"Yeah.  You and her both."

Twilight glanced.  Rainbow Dash was sitting up, her tail was swishing left and right across the floor like a puppy dog's.  The blue pegasus' eyes were gazing at the human, fixated upon him with big black pupils that sparkled with light.

Twilight Sparkle immediately realized what was going on:  "Oh my gosh.  Rainbow Dash, you were right!  That was a potion of Romantic Magnetism!"

Surprise seemed to find no end of amusement.  Chuckling once more, she said "You mean you're in love with him?"  Surprise glanced at her pet, and then back at Twilight.  "Him?"  Almost as a test, Surprise moved out of Twilight's way and allowed an unblocked view of her pet.  Twilight's eyes involuntarily fixed on the man, and she found her heart beating fast...

Until now, Raydence had simply sat there reading, taking no action that indicated he was even following this exchange.  And yet all the sudden he put his book down, stood up and said "We better go.  Got a busy schedule and all--"

Raydence took two steps toward the door before Rainbow Dash flew into his path, and gently nudged him back with her two front hooves, begging him "Please don't!"  Then she pulled back, blinking her eyes several times and said "Ummm, I mean... not like I care or anything..."

Surprise chuckled again.  "Well, look at that.  I was just saying it's about time Raydence found himself a girl!"

Twilight forced her eyes away from Raydence and said "You're not taking this seriously at all, are you?"

"Nope, not at all!"  Surprise chuckled one last time, then said seriously "Anyway, it really is time we were on our way.  Come along, Raydence!"

Raydence moved to leave again, but Dash pushed him back and insisted:  "Before you go, there's just one thing... Now, I normally don't ask guys to do this... kiss me!"  Raydence made a face, and then Dash turned her head sideways and said "I mean, on the cheek!"

Raydence and Surprise exchanged glances, and Twilight Sparkle could see that whatever fun they saw in this was starting to wither.  For some reason, the purple unicorn found herself hoping that Surprise would veto this, and was actually disappointed when the white pegasus said "Should be harmless enough..."

So Raydence shrugged, and made to kiss Dash.  But just before his lips connected with her cheek, she turned her head, and their mouths met.

Twilight Sparkle was barely aware of it, but she was driving her front-left hoof so far into the floor that the boards were actually starting to crack.  Her teeth were clenched something fierce.  Anypony who saw her would have thought she was about to kill somepony.

Raydence backed away, coughed and spat and wiped his lips one, two, three times.  Rainbow Dash fluttered into a corner, shocked and embarrassed at what she had done, and yelling out "I'm sorry!  I don't know why I did that, it just... happened!  Please don't be angry!  Please... don't..." by this point, her voice had become a little squeak, and Dash had curled up into a ball in a corner, her face buried in the dark where the world could not see it.

Surprise tugged at Raydence's pants and said "Come on, pet.  Time to go."  Raydence was only all too eager to get out that door.  Twilight Sparkle watched him go, and when the door shut, she ran over to where Rainbow Dash was, intent on stomping her hooves and calling Dash all sorts of mean, petty names.  But just as she stomped the ground twice, Twilight's senses suddenly regained control.  She stepped back, shook her head.  "No," the purple unicorn cried.  "This is wrong.  This is all wrong!  Oh, Rainbow Dash, if only I'd listened to you!"

Suddenly the library door burst open again and Surprise was back inside, and clearly not having any fun anymore:

"Girls," she said, "We have a problem!"

Dash and Twilight both perked up right on the spot, and followed the old pegasus out into the street, and the scene that greeted them was like something out of a boy's nightmares:

Pastel-colored mares lined the streets of Ponyville, all stopped in their tracks, many of them even in mid-stride.  And they were all looking at Raydence.

Act 2

Spike hadn't participated in the events so far.  When Surprise arrived, he had waited patiently for Twilight to deal with her and then resume dictation.  When he saw that wasn't going to happen, he put the quill and parchment down and went off to another room to finish up some leftover chores.  He had come back just in time to see Twilight and Dash acting like puppy dogs, and had simply stood in the doorway as events transpired in front of him.  He didn't know what to make of it all, so he simply tried not to make anything of it.  This was all too weird, and he didn't want a part of it.

But when Surprise had rushed back in and said "We've got a problem!" Spike realized they might need him, and found the courage to follow the ponies outside.  From on Twilight's back, he looked at the gathering and said "Holy Guacamole!  It looks like every eligible bachelorette in Ponyville has turned up!"

"That can't be!"  Twilight shot back.  "Surely most of these ponies already have boyfriends!"

From the crowd, a dull-white pony with blue-and-red mane said to Twilight "How ya figure?  There's only like, five men in this entire town!"

Another pony, this one hot-pink with lime-green hair who wore a flower, called out "If I did have a boyfriend, I'd want it to be him!"

"No way!"  cried a white redhead, "He's mine!"

"No way no way!"  Rainbow Dash challenged the entire lot.  "I saw him first!"

And then Surprise stomped with her front hooves.  "Technically, I saw him first!  I've known him longer than anypony here!  And trust me girls, you don't want him!  He eats meat!  He snores!  He has fleas!"

"He sounds so manly!"  cried out one of the crowd.

Surprise let out a low growl.

Twilight Sparkle waved her hoof in the air and spoke up:  "Girls, this is all my fault.  I accidentally gave Raydence a love potion.  I thought it was a headache remedy.  But that's okay!  It's going to wear off in twenty-four hours!  By this time tomorrow, everything will be back to normal and nothing will have come of it!"

A sharp silence overtook the crowd.  The gathered mares exchanged troubled glances with each other, low murmurings could be heard.  Then, a blue pony with toothpaste hair and a harp cutie mark said "I don't want nothing to come of it!  I want to get to know him!  I want to know everything about him!"

"That's right!"  shouted another mare.  "This love... it's such a wonderful feeling!  I want to carry it out!  I want to go as far as it will take me!  I want to..." the speaker came forward.  It was the orange-maned pony with the carrot symbol, and she rubbed against Raydence's leg almost like a cat, but at the end made sure to bump him with her rump in a move that was unmistakably suggestive.

Surprise objected, "But he's not even your species!"

"So what?"  said the carrot-cutie-mark pony, "Doesn't stop that dragon from trying to be with Rarity!"

Spike crossed his arms and humphed, asking Twilight "Did you tell everypony about my crush?"

Then the pony with the blue-and-red mane addressed her fellow gatherers:  "There's no more time for arguing!  We've only got twenty-four hours, so let's make the most of it!  We'll share the human!"

"Yeah!"  the entire crowd cried out.  "Share the human!"  they cried out some more.  "Share the human!  Share the human!"  they repeated this again and again, to the point where it almost became a chant.  Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash didn't always understand Surprise, but when they glanced her way, they could understand the look of fear on her face.  For once, the dusty white pegasus made perfect sense.

And Raydence?  He was scratching his chin, and Twi imagined that if she could see his eyes they would have a strong look of worry in them.  Twilight felt she needed to ask, though the answer seemed obvious:  "Raydence, do you want this?"

Almost as one, both Raydence and Surprise answered "Of course not!"

Twilight Sparkle sighed inwardly, and then mustered all the authority she could pose and said "Then get back inside, now!"  Surprise and Raydence didn't need to be told twice.  Twilight Sparkle said "Rainbow Dash, you try to hold them off!  I'll find an escape route!"

Was there a hint of suspicion in Dash's glance?  Even so, Dash said "All right!"  and challenged the crowd as Twilight, with her number one assistant still clutching her mane, ran back inside.  They closed and barred the door even as they heard the chant of "Share the human!" grow louder and louder.  It wasn't long until there was a loud bang and the door quivered from impact.  Twilight Sparkle couldn't suppress a shiver, and she could see Spike was scared.  In fact, Twilight was surprised that Surprise didn't seem that worried, and Raydence was taking the whole affair with his usual calm.  Even so, both were doing the practical thing and securing the other entrances.

Rainbow Dash flew in through the balcony window, found Twilight and said "It's no use.  There's no way out!"

Twilight glanced despairingly at Raydence, horrified at the thought of what those lovesick mares might force him to do.  All the sudden, her heart fluttered, and she felt an energy welling up within her.  That was right:  Raydence was her man, and she would save him, no matter what!  Love didn't have to be the enemy!

"Wrong, there is a way out!  Everyone, gather around me!  We're going places!"

Raydence and Surprise made looks like they weren't quite sure about this, but when they heard Rainbow Dash say "Aww yeah!" and saw Spike become hopeful, they knew it was no trick and quickly huddled around the purple unicorn.  An aura surrounded the lot of them, and there was a bright flash...

The door banged one last time.  The shelf that had been placed in front of it toppled over, and soon the actual door followed.  Mares poured into the library like water, but to their astonishment, the library was completely empty.

Here's how teleportation works:  the teleporters experience what seems like an instantaneous delirium.  For a brief moment, they feel as if they've lost their senses.  Then, when the moment ends, they're suddenly not where they were before.  This sensation, coupled with the displacement, is disorienting to those who have never teleported before.  So, Twilight Sparkle was not at all surprised that Rainbow Dash wobbled around for a moment, and when she recovered, she had to help Raydence, who looked like he was going to be sick.  In fact, the only thing that seemed odd to Twilight was that Surprise had no visible reaction at all.

"So where are we?" the dusty white pegasus with the green mane asked.

Spike looked up, and said "Hey!  We're at Carousel Boutique!  Awesome!"

"Not awesome," Twilight replied doubtfully as she dug nervously at the ground.  "I'm afraid of what might happen if Rarity sees Raydence."

"What do you mean by that?"

It startled everyone that Rarity was in fact not in the store, but was actually just coming back from taking Opal out on a walk.  She had arrived just in time to see the lot appear, and had been staring at them with an intense wondering ever since.  It had to be said that even during casual outings, Rarity took pride in looking her best:  she wore an orange bonnet and blue sunglasses, and her pet was on a diamond-studded leash.

Instinctively, Rainbow Dash dashed in front of Rarity and spread her hooves so as to block Rarity's view of the human, all while calling out "No, don't look!"

"I've seen the human before, darling.  I'll admit he's not much of a sight, but that's hardly a reason to be ashamed of him!"

The blue pegasus blinked.  A moment of noncomprehension passed, and then Dash lowered her hooves while asking "You mean you're not madly in love with him?"

"Of course not, dear," Rarity said in a complete deadpan, "That would be silly."

The white unicorn stood in further wonder when the rest of them sighed in relief.

The kitchen was neat and tidy, exactly as you would expect of Rarity, and her tea-table was laid out to picture-perfect-perfection.  Rarity held a cup to her lips, took a dainty sip and went "Hmm-hmm!"  Rarity looked directly at Twilight and said "So that's how it is!"

"Exactly," Twilight concurred, "The only thing I can think to do is have Raydence hide out somewhere until this whole thing blows over."

Rarity gave it a thought, and said "I wish I could help, but I run a business here.  I get customers every day.  But if you want my advice--" but before she could give it, the doorbell rang.  The table was placed at an off-angle from the archway that led into the kitchen, so from their vantage point all the ponies could see was a wall.  Nevertheless, they were filled with dread when they heard Rarity's first customer of the day shout out and reveal her identity, and what would of on any other day been a cheerful sound was now the most terrifying sound in the world:

"Heeeeeeeeeere's Pinkie!"

Rainbow Dash put her hoof to her forehead.  "Oh please Celestia, not her.  Anypony but her!"

Rarity glanced at Dash, her face showing that she understood her concern all too well, and immediately rushed into the next room.  The others were too afraid to look, and had to guess from what they heard through the doorway:  Pinkie asking "Oooh, what's this?" and Rarity describing some new shipment in fancy French terms even though they don't have France in Equestria.  It then sounded like Pinkie got into something else before Rarity asked "Do you want to see your new dress?" and Pinkie made a giddy "Yes-yes-yes-yes-yes!"  And then Rarity audibly sighed and then told Pinkie to "Come this way."

Those around the table let out silent sighs.  Crisis averted.

And then suddenly Pinkie called out "Do you mind if I have a snack first?" and without waiting for permission, cheerfully bounced into the kitchen.  As she bounced, she cast a sidelong glance and said "Oh, hi Twilight, Hi Rainbow Dash, Hi.."

And Pinkie's eyes fell on Raydence, and it was clear to every living thing in the room, the tall and the small, that the enchantment was working its work upon the poor, innocent heart of the filly.

The effect was more than any creature could have predicted:  For a moment, all Pinkie did was stare.  Then she put a hoof forward as if to step closer, but almost immediately withdrew it.  The ears of all the ponies picked up the fact that Pinkie's breathing had become very heavy, almost as if she was about to have a heart attack.  Finally the pink one stepped forward, climbing atop the table to look Raydence face-to-face.  And now all could see that Pinkie was sweating.

Pinkie looked at Twilight and said "What's happening to me?"

"Pinkie..."

"I feel like I'm gonna throw up."

"Here."  and with her unicorn magic, Twilight floated a bucket over to Pinkie's mouth.  She stuck her face far in, so none saw the expulsion, but all heard it.  Twilight waited many seconds before asking "All better?"

"Yeah."

Pinkie jumped down off the table, and Twilight put the bucket away and floated a towelette over to Pinkie's mouth to wipe it.  Surprise came around to Pinkie's side and helped the young one steady herself, for she was walking awkwardly.

"Pinkie," Twilight explained slowly, "I'm afraid you've become... another victim of the Romantic Magnetism."

"The what?"  Pinkie sounded half out-of-it.

"The... I accidentally fed Raydence a sort of love potion.  All the girls have been falling in love with him.  Me and Dash too."

"This... this is love?"

"Afraid so."

Pinkie stumbled away a few steps, and then said "No... that can't be right.  Love is good.  This... feels like a disease."

Surprise put a forehoof on Pinkie's side as the pink one was about to fall again, and the older pony said to the younger one "There now, I know what you mean.  This is what happened the first time I fell in love too."

"... If I'm in love," Pinkie stood with her legs spread out for ultimate balance.  She slowly turned towards Raydence again, and upon seeing him her legs became all wobbly and she collapsed on her stomach.  So she held her front hooves out to Raydence and said "Hold me."

Raydence came to pick her up, but at his barest touch Pinkie jumped five feet into the air with a squeak of terror and bolted into the next room.  They heard Pinkie tell Rarity "I'm sorry I can't buy anything today I've... I've gotta go!" and then the doorbell rang, and somehow they all knew that Carousel Boutique had one less visitor.

Raydence scratched his head and slowly turned his glance on Surprise, and said "So you were skittish when you were in love?"

Surprise sighed, and muttered "Poor kid."

Spike had been watching from the table this whole time, and now came to Twilight's side and said "I don't get it."  He looked up at Twilight, expecting an explanation from her.

But Twilight said "I don't get it either."

Rarity came back in the room, and Surprise looked to her and said "How long have you known that pink pony?"

"Ever since she moved to Ponyville.  Why?"

"Has she ever had a crush?"

"No."

"Ever played make-believe?"

"Only insofar as getting toys together and making them go smoochy-smooch.  Why?"

Surprise glanced at Spike and Twilight, "There's your answer.  Real love hitting all at once at a little kid who has no true concept of what to expect.  And I bet nobody warned her about the fever, either."

"Fever?"  Spike asked while scratching his head.

Rarity glanced at him, and then asked Twilight "I wonder if I might borrow Spike for awhile?  I have a lot of extra work to be done and not enough hooves to do it, so I'd appreciate the help."

Twilight nodded to Spike, who saluted and presented himself as Rarity's humble servant.

"Good, now go be a dear and arrange those dresses by color."

"I'm on it, milady!"  And Spike was on it, as he told his lady.  Rarity and Twilight watched him run out of the room, and then Twilight said "thank you, Rarity."

"A pleasure.  But tell me, how are you feeling?"

Twilight didn't quite know how to answer.  She wanted to say she felt fine, but she knew she was blushing.  And then she couldn't deny that she, too, felt a little bit feverish.  She made a glance at Rainbow Dash, whom she saw affectionately cuddling Raydence from behind.  Such affection was unusual for Dashie, and for some reason it filled Twilight both with curiosity and jealousy.

Then the doorbell came, and Rarity said "My other customers are here.  You better go!  Hurry!"

"All right.  Thank you again, Rarity!"  Twilight said and hurriedly gathered Surprise, Dash and Raydence into a group.  Then her horn glowed, a magic surrounded them, and they popped and disappeared.

Act 3

This time, the teleport landed the foursome on a path at the outskirts of Ponyville.  In the distance, Twilight and Surprise could see the gathered homes and stores that defined their little neighborhood.  The path led into the woods.  Like last time, Rainbow Dash was all wobbly, and Raydence looked like the teleport had made him sick.  Dash recovered before Raydence did, and once more helped the human out.

Twilight looked at the path, and said "Hey, I think this is the path that leads to Fluttershy's place!"

"Fluttershy?"  Surprise asked.

"She's the yellow pony with--"

"Butterfly cutie marks?"

"Uh-huh."

Surprise glanced down the path, and seemed about to say something when Dash flew between then and spoke to Twilight:  "Hold on, bad idea!  Look, okay so Rarity obviously had a boyfriend or something, but what are the chances that Fluttershy did too?"

"Well..."

"And on top of that, she keeps so many pets!  You want our man to be swarmed with lovesick bunnies and chickens too?"

Surprise touched Rainbow Dash's shoulder, told her "That's not gonna happen.  Look."

Surprise pointed, and Dash looked.  All around were squirrels, birds, forest creatures of all sorts, little insects.  All of them were going about their daily business, paying no mind to the ponies or, more importantly, to the human.  They took no notice.

Dash scratched her mane, "Okay, so the animals won't be a problem.  But what about Fluttershy?"

Surprise and Twilight both opened their mouths to say something, but sound had barely escaped their lips before they heard a distant chant.  In Ponyville, they saw a gathered horde of virgin mares.  Dash flew up and looked out at them.  What she saw was a terrifying sight:  The mares were going through the town, opening barrels, looking through trash cans, going through every nook and cranny.  And Dash could hear that horrible chant:  "Share the human!  Share the human!"

She flew back down and said "They're tearing Ponyville apart looking for him!  I changed my mind, we better go see Fluttershy.  At least her we can handle!"

The three ponies nodded, and all took off down the path at top gallop, until Raydence called "Wait!"  Then the three stopped to wait for the human to tiredly hobble forward.  He complained "I'm not as fast as you!"

Surprise sighed, "He's right.  Ponies are built to run.  Humans aren't."

"But he's too big to ride on one of us!"  Twilight complained, feeling a little bit of despair creep into her heart.

Rainbow Dash looked at the ground for a moment, and mumbled to herself "I can't believe I'm doing this."  Then she turned around and said "Raydence, grab my tail."

Surprise gave Dash as suspicious look.  Dash looked back at Raydence and saw he seemed wary as well.  "I don't mean anything by it!  I've just got an idea, that's all!"

Twilight Sparkle vouched:  "It's okay.  I think I know what she's planning."

Surprise still looked doubtful, but she told Raydence "Well, can't hurt to try."

Raydence nodded and grabbed Dash's tail, even though he said "Okay, but it still feels wroOOOOOO--"

Rainbow Dash took to the air at lightning speed, the rainbow streak she left in the sky not even a bit disrupted by having a human hanging on.  Twilight Sparkle smiled, since this was exactly what she thought Dash was going to do, and then asked Surprise "Well, aren't you gonna fly after her?"

"I can't fly," the dusty pegasus answered, and she demonstrated:  Surprise's wings could shift ever-so-slightly but the pegasus seemed incapable of fully opening them.  "I don't know what caused it, just one day they didn't work anymore."  Surprise glanced at the trail, and then took off down it at full gallop.  Twilight followed soon after, making a mental note to look into Surprise's wings later.

It didn't take them long at all to reach Fluttershy's front door.  Dash was there ahead of them, but she hadn't knocked yet.  She explained when Twilight got there that "Ya know... if Fluttershy does try something, I don't know if I'd be able to put her down."

"Why?"  Surprise asked, "Is she strong?"

"No, it's just..."

"Let me guess:  You don't have the heart to do it?"

"Y-yeah..."

Surprise rolled her eyes, and knocked on the door.  It opened almost immediately, but the opener was not immediately visible.  Surprise looked past the door and said "Is this house haunted?"

"Hi Angel!"  Twilight stuck her head beneath Surprise's and addressed the bunny who had opened the door.  "Can you please tell Fluttershy she has visitors?"

Angel Bunny slowly shut the door.  Moments later, it was opened again by Fluttershy.  "Oh, good morning Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Surprise.  Oh, and how is the cutesy-wootsie human being today?"

Twi, Surprise and Dash all three cocked an eyebrow.  Raydence stood with a blank look on his face while Fluttershy scruffled his mane.  Nopony was quite sure what this meant.  Rainbow Dash was the first to put it into a question:  "Are you in love?"

"What?  Me?  Oh, no, of course not," the yellow pegasus answered as she drifted back to the ground, "I'd be so embarrassed if I was!  I mean, I sort of admired that Mr. Colton, but I mean, I hope he doesn't think I'm strange or anything."

"I meant with him," Dash put her hoof on Raydence's leg.

Fluttershy gave Raydence a once-over.  "Oh, yes of course!  He's so cute!  One day I want to have a human too!  Where do humans come from, anyway?"

Twilight and Dash both sighed with relief.  Twilight mumbled "Good, she's still Fluttershy."

"Of course!  Should I be somepony else?"

That response made Twilight smile, just the sort of naivette one expects from the local animal-lover.  The unicorn supposed the next question had to be "Can we come inside?"

Fluttershy's place had "country" written all over it.  Though the setting was well-kept, the decorations were simple and sparse.  A lone rug on the floor, a soft if small sofa off to one side.  There was a bedroom upstairs, which contained the bare essentials for living properly.  Raydence stat on the rug, and perhaps for this reason Twilight and Rainbow Dash also placed themselves on the rug (Twilight noticed Dash was edging extremely close to Raydence at every opportunity).  Surprise and Fluttershy both took places on the sofa.

"Oh my!"  Fluttershy said once she had the situation explained to her.  "How horrifying!"

"I dunno," Surprise said, "It's kind of funny, in a way, but I don't want anything bad to happen to my pet, so we've been running around all day.  And putting up with that."

What Surprise meant by that was Rainbow Dash cuddling Raydence's arm, rubbing her cheek along his sleeve lovingly.  When she realized she was being watched, Dash became nervous and embarrassed.  Then she looked at Fluttershy and an idea came to her:  "Hey," she said, "The recipe said that all virgins are supposed to fall in love with him!"

"Well," Fluttershy began nervously.

"So why didn't it work on you?"  Dash challenged, and she was genuinely curious even though the question was a mere decoy.  Twilight, too, couldn't help glancing at Fluttershy questioningly.

Fluttershy shifted in place, "Well... I mean, if you really want to know..."

"No offense," Raydence interrupted, "But I don't.  There are things I'd rather do than hear about the sex lives of animals."

It seemed almost as if Raydence's words had brought a pallor to the room.  All went silent, all the ponies in the room felt different, conflicting levels of insulted.  Yet the strongest rage radiated from Raydence's own owner.  With anger written in her eyes, Surprise jumped off the sofa and confronted Raydence, forcing her face up against his, forcing him to crawl backwards until he hit a wall.

"Did you just say that ponies were animals?"  Surprise ranted, "Oh Raydence, you disappoint me.  I thought I had trained the Classical Human out of you, but I see there's still a ways left to go.  And I'll start..."

Surprise stood, and raised both her forehooves.  It was clear to all that she meant to strike.

Until a blue blur shoved into the white pegasus and sent her cartwheeling across the room and into a wall.  Rainbow Dash protectively hugged Raydence as she watched Surprise get up, seemingly unharmed by her tumble.  Surprise didn't look happy, but Rainbow Dash was through caring:

"You aren't laying a hoof on my man!"  The blue pegasi challenged.  "So what if he thinks we're animals?!"

"That's right!"  Twilight Sparkle came and also put her hooves around Raydence.  "Scientifically, he's right:  Ponies are just another animal species!  The only thing that makes us different is our advanced thinking and culture, and you yourself said humans used to have those too!  Maybe we're not that different after all!"

"Twilight..." Rainbow Dash tapped the purple unicorn's shoulder.  Twilight turned to see tears streaming down the rainbow one's face as her head lay across Raydence's shoulder.  "I'm losing it.  I... I keep feeling like I want to do something.  With him.  You know?"  Twilight tried to show sympathy by touching the blue one's face, but that seemed to only make it worse:  "I mean, I know its messed up, but..."

Everypony's attention was drawn by Surprise's chuckle.  The dusty white pegasus seemed to be in a fit, first standing, then falling to her belly, then rolling on her back, all while making the most hysterical laughter the world had ever heard!  Just as they were all beginning to think she had lost it, Surprise suddenly shifted to a sitting position and said "You naive fools!  Humans are completely different!  Look at him!  Do you see hooves?  Fur?  Floppy ears?"  Surprise chuckled, "One of these days you'll have to learn all about human history, human culture, human philosophy.  Then you'll see that humans are only slightly better than animals!  It's wrong to elevate them!  They tried to start a war to prove their dominance, and we beat them!"

"That's a lie!"  Rainbow Dash shouted out involuntarily.  Then, all the sudden, she felt a human hand stroke her mane.  Petting her.  Like a kitten.  She knew she shouldn't like it, but she did.  She liked it a lot.

Raydence spoke softly, "Actually, Surprise is right.  Before Ponies found us, humans were nothing.  We didn't even know magic was real.  It was ponies who showed us what our lives were missing.  She didn't force me to be her pet:  I volunteered.  She's right about something else too:  Ponies aren't animals.  We humans are the animals.  I only said what I did to see how far the love potion has affected your judgment.  I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you two to go."

Rainbow Dash and Twilight listened quietly and hung onto his every word, as sad as they sounded.  Rainbow Dash nuzzled into Raydence's chest, and Twilight Sparkle let tears fall on his shoulder.  And then, slowly she turned her head towards Surprise.

"You.  Are.  A.  Horrible pony!  It's clear to me now:  you brainwashed him, and made him your slave!  Well I'm gonna fix him, and make him all right again!  And then I'll be his pet!  No, even better, I'll be his bride!  And you won't lay a hoof on him ever again!"

Fluttershy hid behind the couch.  "Oh, please don't fight.  Please don't."

Surprise stood on all fours now, snorted and kicking her front-right hoof:  the universal sign of a pony ready for a fight.  The dusty white pegasus with broken wings laid out her challenge:  "Nopony is going to take my pet away without a rassle!"

Then Twilight did something that put everypony on guard:  She smiled a wicked, evil smile.  And then she cackled, like a villain whose evil plan was about to come into fruition.  Even Surprise paused in uncertainty.

Fluttershy asked, "She's lost it, hasn't she?"

Surprise answered, "Looks like it.  I didn't want to hurt you, Twilight Sparkle, but if you don't reign in your hormones and come to your senses, I'm going to have to put you down for the night!"

Twilight's horn radiated with a magical aura, which soon expanded to surround herself, Raydence and Rainbow Dash.  Sneeringly Twilight shot back "You won't get the chance!  Sayonara!"

In a flash, they were gone.  All Surprise could do was pound the floor in frustration.

Act 4

When they reappeared, Rainbow Dash and Raydence let themselves fall to the floor, which helped make the teleportation-induced disorientation pass much easier.  When their senses cleared, they sat up and were shocked to find out where they were.

As Twilight Sparkle put it:  "My library.  The one place where nopony would think to look!"

Yes, it was the library.  The place was a complete mess, as the mob earlier had overturned tables and knocked books off of shelves, not to mention the doors and windows were all broken.  But Twilight felt confident she could fix that.  All she needed was time.  And time was, for once, on her side:

There was one small stand with a little drawer.  Twi opened the drawer and pulled out a collection of notes, shifted through them and found the one she was seeking.  "A-ha!"  she said, and then said "Stand back!"  Dash and Raydence sat and watched as Twi's horn glew, and a field radiated from it that expanded until it surrounded the entire library.  "There!"  the unicorn said,  "I don't know why I didn't use that sooner, but that's okay.  Now nothing can get in our way!"

Twilight Sparkle walked up to Raydence, her face in his face.  It almost looked like she was going to kiss him, but then she cast a glance back and said "Oh, would you rather look at my cutie mark?  Here ya go!"  And she turned to offer a good view of it.  Very nearly shoving it in his face.  "Would you like to kiss it?"

"No," Raydence answered flatly.  "Umm, what does this have to do with 'fixing' me?"

"Hmmmm..." Twilight didn't answer the question at first.  Instead she lay for a moment, her head propped on her hooves and staring into nothingness, like a schoolgirl in thought.  "Oh, I just had a thought.  Maybe you are the dominant species.  And if so, maybe you want me.  You want me bad.  You just don't know it, because that evil Surprise has filled your head with lies!  But maybe, just maybe, if Dashie and I tempt you enough, you'll break free.  You'll take advantage of us.  You'll realize you are the dominant one.  You'll be cured, and we'll become your brides!"

Twilight took that partial smile to mean Raydence liked the sound of that.  She knew he would.  So she turned to Rainbow Dash and said "Rainbow, I'm going to let you go first.  I'm afraid I sort of... need a primer."

Dash asked bluntly:  "You mean you're gonna watch?"

"Yes."

Dash looked back at Twilight with visible discomfort, but when her gaze was cast upon Raydence her doubts began to melt.  So what if Twilight watched?  Anyway, the only question was how.  Rainbow realized she had so many basic questions.  The first of which was just this:

She asked Raydence "Do you want to?"

"No."

That was it.  No.  Raydence added nothing else, and as far as Dash was concerned, no further answer was needed.

"Well, that's that," Dash answered back.

"What do you mean, 'that's that'?"  Twilight Sparkle replied with audible irritation.  "Find out how this works and do it!"

"He said 'no,' Twilight.  No means no."

"He's just playing hard to get!"  Twilight stomped the floor and let out a low growl.

"Twilight, I want him as much as you do.  It's tearing me apart.  But when you love somebody, you don't force them to do things they don't want to do."

"But its for his own good!"

Dash and Twilight eyed each other.  The tension grew thick.  It almost felt as if a bomb was about to go off, but nobody could guess when, or which of these two girls would be the one to flick the switch.

Dash shook her head.  "This is all just that potion getting to our heads.  We're not really in love, we don't really want to do this.  Twilight, you're the egghead, you should be the one telling me this stuff!"

Twilight's demeanor seemed to darken when she heard those words, and Dash never thought she would see the day, but this day she was actually scared of her best friend.

Twilight stepped forward, and said "I never thought the brave Rainbow Dash would catch cold hooves!  Fine, if you don't want him, I'll take him!"

"That's enough, Twilight!"  was Rainbow Dash's final objection.  But it was clear now that Twilight wasn't listening to reason.  Dash knew she would have to attack.  Unfortunately, she never got the chance:  just as Dash was about to pounce, a pink bubble appeared around her, and try as she might, Dash simply could not pop it or break free.

Twilight rubbed Raydence's chin.  "Looks like its just you and me now," she said in her best attempt at a sweet and seductive voice.  She noticed that Raydence's smile had broadened.  He must really be enjoying this!  Maybe he didn't want Rainbow Dash, and had just wanted her out of the way to get to his true love?  Yes, Twilight Sparkle decided, that had to be it!  So she rubbed his thighs.

"Stop that," he said.  But the unicorn didn't stop.  She searched with her hoof, even though she thought she knew where his man-spot was.  When she was certain, she said "Let's do this, Raydence.  Take off your pants."

Raydence lowered his head, but not before Twilight Sparkle saw his smile broaden even further.  His hesitation bothered her, and she lost her cool:  "Raydence, do as I say and take off your darn pants!"

And then the most unexpected thing happened:

Raydence laughed.

He laughed from his heart to his head, from the darkness to the light, from the dust to the clean air.  His laughter filled the room, and it left Twilight Sparkle nearly delirious.  She hadn't seen this coming, and she did not know what it meant.  That angered her.  Now of all times, she could not deal with unknowns.  She violently struck the floorboards and demanded:

"What.  Is.  So.  Funny?!"

He did not answer.  Instead he laughed some more.  Raydence rolled on the ground, clutched his chest as if trying to hold himself in, but he kept laughing still.  And all the while, Twilight got more and more irritated.

"Answer me!"

As suddenly as it had began, Raydence's laughter ended.  Almost in the same instant, he sat up, faced Twilight and said "What's funny?  What's funny?!  A bunch of pastel-colored horses start getting sick-minded thoughts about me and a purple unicorn just told me to take off my pants!  I mean, a purple unicorn!  My great-grandfather once told a shrink he saw purple unicorns, they threw him in the nut-house!  I'd like to do that!  I'd like to go back two-hundred years, find the nearest psychiatrist and tell him 'Yeah, a purple unicorn got into a cat-fight with a blue pegasus, then told me to take off my pants'.  See how far I'd get!  It's so... surreal..."

And then the laughter began all over again.  Raydence was so weakened by it that he couldn't even sit up, so he had to grab onto Twilight for support.  She didn't mind that so much, but she did say "There's nothing funny about that!  What's wrong with me being purple?"

Once again, his laughter stopped and Raydence's answer came a split-second later:  "Oh, nothing.  Just the pink one was making funny faces, that's all."

"Pink one?"  Twilight Sparkle turned around.

The minute she did, a bottle was stuffed into her mouth, her head forced up, a liquid that tasted like orange juice was forced down her throat.  The bottle was quickly depleted, and then Pinkie Pie took the bottle back and said "There!  You okay, Twilight?"

The purple unicorn groaned and moaned, shook her head and looked around before her eyes found Pinkie Pie again.  "Pinkie!  How long have you been here?"

Pinkie cast a glance at Raydence, and then turned her back.  "I came here right after visiting Rarity.  I was scared, really scared.  But you said this was all because of a potion.  So I thought there might be an antidote.  I found your Alchemist--" she pronounced the ch as in cheese "--Cookbook."

"There was an antidote?"

"Uh-huh."

"And you knew how to make it?"

"Of course.  I work in a bakery, silly!"  Pinkie sighed, "I was just about to drink it, but then I heard you all and listened in..."

Twilight hugged Pinkie Pie from behind, and gleefully cried out "Oh thank you Pinkie!  Thank you so much!"  Then she let Pinkie go, and turned around to Raydence.  "Oh Raydence, I'm so sorry.  You must think I'm a freak..."

"Not really."  Raydence half-smiled, and proved his meaning by scruffling Twilight's mane.  Now back to her regular senses, Twilight felt like she should chide him for treating her like an animal... but after all she had put him through, Twilight decided he was entitled to something.

Twilight popped the bubble that Rainbow Dash was trapped in, and profusely apologized to the pegasus.  Rainbow Dash did not say anything:  she just hugged Twilight.  Then she asked "So, is there any more of that antidote?"

Pinkie Pie answered without turning around, "You have enough stuff to make a couple more bottles."

To which Twilight added "But how are we gonna convince all the mares to drink one?"

That was when Raydence demonstrated one thing humans can do that ponies can't:  he snapped his fingers, drawing all their attention.

And then he said "I just realized I don't have a headache anymore!"

That was it.  That was so stupid, so obvious... that Twilight Sparkle could not resist breaking out in laughter.

Final Act

"Share the human!  Share the human!"

That loathsome chant was still going strong when Fluttershy and Surprise ran back into town.  "Oh dear," went Fluttershy.

"Yep," Surprise looked around left and right for any sign at all that might tell her where her precious human had gone.  Then suddenly her eyes focused on a blue streak in the air.  Rainbow Dash stopped directly above the gathered crowd and yelled out "Hey ladies!  Your man is right over there!"  And sure enough he was, right there, in the middle of the road, petting Twilight Sparkle with one hand and cradling Pinkie Pie with the other.

The mares all gasped, and at first looked joyous, but then all at once they noticed something.  They saw the human all right, but for some reason the sight of him didn't cause their hearts to flitter, didn't cause their eyes to tear up in jubilation, didn't bend their minds to creating poems about flowers and birdsongs.  Their guts no longer felt strange urges, their bodies no longer were consumed with a tremendous heat.

Oh, he was still cute, but the gathered mares had all lost that feeling that he was in any way... special.

One mare pointed and accused "He's a fake!"

"Afraid not!"  Raydence stepped closer and bounced Pinkie once.  As simple an action as this was, being able to hold the pink one one-armed was something no costume could replicate, so the ponies had to accept authenticity.

Twilight Sparkle stepped forward, "Citizens of Ponyville, allow me to accept full responsibility for any damage or inconvenience I've put you through.  As I've said before, this is all my fault for feeding him a love potion which I thought was a headache cure."

From Raydence's arms, Pinkie Pie shouted out "But I've got some great news!  We found an antidote!"

And Rainbow Dash capped it all off by saying "And now that Raydence has drunk it, we're not in love with him anymore!"

The mares in the crowd stood stock-still, and stared at the human and his surrounding ponies in disbelief.  Then the one with blue-and-red mane said "That kind of blows."

"Yeah," said the redheaded mare, "I liked being in love!  For the first time in my life, I felt like I had something to look forward to!"

Surprise pushed her way to the front of the crowd to be reunited with her favorite pet.  The two exchanged a brief hug, and Surprise addressed the redhead pony and the entire crowd:  "You do have something to look forward to.  Speaking as a mare in her mid-forties, if there's one thing life has taught me, its that good things never go away.  They just take a new form.  One day each and every one of you will fall in love again.  But this time, it won't be because of a potion.  It'll be for real, and it'll be for someone you'll be happy with, and who will be happy with you.  Look forward to that, and live each day knowing that today could be the one!"

Rainbow Dash came to the ground beside Surprise, and said "But you gotta take care.  I learned something today:  there's two kinds of love.  There's a right kind, and a wrong kind.  If you have the right kind of love, then you want to do what's best for them, even if its not what you want."

Twilight Sparkle bowed her head in shame, and then raised her head to speak, "And the wrong kind is where you put your own desires ahead of their well-being.  It's more like... lust.  If you fall in love, make sure it's the right kind, because that's the way it ought to be!"

When they heard this, the mares in the crowd all traded silent glances with each other, and the air permeated with nervousness and confusion.  The pink pony with the lime-green mane stepped forth and said "Umm... Raydence, about what we tried to do... is there any way we can make it up to you?"

This pony's humble offer set off a chain reaction.  What had started off as "share the human" had now become "make it up to the human," apologize for discomfort, ask if he was all right.  One of the mares that had been in the crowd was a local nurse and she offered to attend to any wounds free of charge.  This was silly of course, as Raydence was in fact unhurt, but the sentiment was honest.

Raydence waved his free hand, and told the gathered girls "It's okay, ladies.  I'm not hurt.  And I still know how to make casserole in thirty-six languages!"

Surprise chuckled.  "Oh dear."

"Speaking of casserole, does anypony know a good restaurant?  I'm famished!"

And everypony was eager to answer, a few even offered to pay for the meal.  But ultimately, it came down to just Twilight and her friends treating the human and his owner to make up for what they had put them through.  Everypony more or less kept quiet about the event, although it didn't stop Raydence from being a curiosity around town.  In fact, it almost boosted his popularity.

The only Pony seriously put out by it was Rainbow Dash, who was so messed up about all the affection she had shown that she had to bathe three times and use a half-liter of mouthwash to wash the human off.  She once found herself asking "I wonder what would have happened if Pinkie hadn't found that cure?"  But then shook her head and decided that she didn't want to think about it.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I've learned that love can take many forms, and not all of them are pleasant.  Some of them are even kind of scary, and its not the same for everypony, or every anything else for that matter.  No matter how in control of yourself you think you are, sometimes you really do need to step back and think.  Especially if your best friend tells you that something is wrong.

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle

P.S. The headache potion in Alchemist's Cookbook Volume 56 has to be mixed with the Immunity to Romantic Magnetism potion.  My friend Rainbow Dash spotted this omission and earned 200 bits for writing them about it, and they're sending her a free corrected book!  That's awesome, huh?  Love you!

~See you next Scene!~

Lyrics to "I Can Make You Happy" (C) Davey Jones