Surprise Days

The sun rose on a very blargle day in Ponyville.  The ponies blargled busily along the blargle blargle street.  Blargle blargle to each other on the winds of joy.

Twilight Sparkle passed Surprise upon the street, and greeted her with a friendly "Blargle!"

And Surprise answered back, "Blargle you too!"

Both the ponies blargled down and put their blargles to their mouths in a thinking blargle.  Surprise asked, "Why do we say blargle?"

Twilight Sparkle suggested, "I don't blargle, but I will blargle out, for I am a genius!"

So they hit up the library and did some research into the history of Blargle.  On a certain blargle of a blargle, Twilight blargled, "Blargle!  I blargled something!"

"Whad'ya blargle?"  Surprise came to blargle.

The blargle was blargled, "the History of Blargle, by Blames Blargle."  In it, Blargle was described as a blargle blargle that blargle blargled every blargle-of-blargle centuries or so.  So, blargle.  Blargle blargle.  That settled, blargle blargle blargle.

Blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle blargle--

"One, two, THREE!"  Raydence and Pinkie swung fist-and-hoof at the fourth wall at the same time, and jumped through the resulting shatter of reality's glass.  Raydence took a moment out to scruffle Pinkie's mane (she's irresistable like that) and then looked directly at you, the reader.

"Pinkie Pie and I apologize for having to hijack this story," Raydence began, "but we both have a very important message for the reader.  It concerns the meaning of good art.  You see, the reason everyone in Ponyville started blargling was because they discovered a strange secret about the milk chocolate."  He looked at Pinkie Pie, "I told you the secret, didn't I?"

"Uh-uh!  What's the secret?"

"The milk chocolate..." Raydence looked around, as if afraid of being spied upon, and motioned Pinkie closer.  Whispering into her floppy ear, he finished, "...the milk chocolate melts in your mouth, not in your hoof."

Pinkie Pie gasped.  "How terrible!"

"Yes, you must never underestimate the milk chocolate!"

"Which brings us back to pop-tarts!"

"And pop-tart rhymes with art!"

"Yee-haw!"  Went both of them at once.

Raydence addressed you once again.  "You see, many ponies these days have grown up to believe that art is subjective.  I myself believe this to an extent, but just because something is subjective does not mean there are no standards.  Good cooking is subjective, but would you serve your guest rotten milk?"

Pinkie Pie hit the ground (the fourth ground?) and added, "That's right, and you should never turn your friends into pastries, either!"

"Exactly, Pinkie Pie!"  Raydence clapped his hands.  "The point is, 'artistic standards' exist, but they are rather nebulous.  To properly understand art, you need to understand it on at least three levels.

"Level one is technical expertise.  This is the absolute basic level of how clear and professional a given work is.

"Level two is artistic intentions.  This is understanding the artist's goal with a given work.

"Level three is personal inclination.  This is how you feel about a given work, and this is where many people mess up.  Just because you dislike a work does not make it bad.  By the same token, just because you like a work does not make it fine art."

Pinkie Pie took over.  "For example, my favorite book of all time is Strawberry Shortcake's Pet Parade.  But I wouldn't call it a classic."

"That's right.  And I actually think the ceiling of the Sistene Chapel is kind of ugly.  But I still hold it up as an excellent work of art.  The reason is because of Level One and Level Two.  The Sistene Chapel is clearly a well-done, professional work regardless of how I feel about its style.  I mean, I could never paint figures that well, let alone a whole ceiling full of them!  And Michelangelo wasn't painting it for me, he was painting it for the people who attend that chapel, who probably liked that kind of stuff.  So that's Level Two."

Pinkie raised a hoof.  "And then there's Level Eight, the one with that big hole nopony can jump over!"

"That's exactly right.  Speaking of big holes, what about this story?"

"What story?"

Raydence pointed all around the edges of the screen.  "This story.  The one we just broke out of."

Pinkie scratched her chin and thought about it.  "Ah, that is a very fine question!  It requires the upmost intellectectectonic analysis, and plenty of popcorn to do it justice!  And I like popcorn!"

"Not a big fan myself.  Want some kit-kats?"

"Thanks!"  Pinkie kept thinking on the issue.  "Well, I don't know what to think!  I've never read a story where I broke out before!"

"Well, if I had to give an opinion, I would say this story is not art."

"Aww, NoGiantRobots will feel terrible!"

"We already had to knock him out and stuff him in a closet to hijack the story.  He can't feel much worse than that."

Pinkie giggled.  "I guess you're right!  So, why isn't this story art?"

"Well, first of all it fails at Level One.  This story is just utter randomness with a lame author's rant tacked on.  There is no technical expertise here.  Anyone with a keyboard could write something very much like it.  Granted, if that's what the author wanted then it succeeds at Level Two.  This brings us to Level Three."

Pinkie glanced at Raydence, waiting to hear his answer.

"I don't like being put in a story where I've beaten up the author.  So for me, Level Three is a fail."

"Awww.  I thought it was kind of fun!"

"You know what the author could do to salvage this mess?"

"What?"

"Turn it into an actual story.  Now, what say we go back where we belong and see if things don't come together?"

"Okie dokie lokie!"

"Here it is!"  Twilight Blargle blargled.  "According to blargle blargle, all we have to do is bake the blarglemuffin and blargle will stop!"

"So where's blarglemuffin?"  Surprise asked.

"In the blargle!"

A blargleskip later they had found and baked a blarglemuffin, and all blargling stopped henceforth.  The end.

Raydence and Pinkie later gave this story two and a half stars.