The life and times of Lafayette Ryder

Turns out that Shining was exaggerating just a bit; the princesses’ aren’t expecting us until later tonight.

We all sit back down and resume our meal. My steak is good, but not as good as the one Toby cooked. Our friends give Twilight and I a late round of congratulations and then Pinkie steals the spotlight to discuss her upcoming wedding. A half hour later she finally calms down and lets the rest of us speak.

Pinkie and Joe already have everything figured out: bridesmaids, groomsmen, best man and maid of honor (Big Mac and Fluttershy respectively.), the dresses, suits, the catering, and most importantly the party Pinkie is throwing afterwards. Rarity offers to supply the outfits, Twilight takes it upon herself to organize everything, Applejack will be catering, and Fluttershy will arrange the music. Dash says that she’ll bring the awesome.

Shining Armor and Cadance talk about their plans to go on vacation for their first anniversary. The Zebrecan islands or some tropical paradise like that. Now that her husband is no longer furious at me Cadance greets me and looks deep into my eyes. I feel funny as she does this, like she’s still touching me even though her body is a few feet away, she looks for a moment longer and then smiles brightly. She excuses herself and returns to her husband’s side where she whispers something into his ear and he smiles at me. I guess I passed some sort of test.

Fluttershy and Big Mac tells us about their plans to move the hens over to Sweet Apple Acres and start selling eggs, they think that the added profit from that will be more than enough to keep the farm out of dept.

Dash and AJ just sit together and listen, I think they’re a bit too preoccupied with each other to pay attention to anything else.

Rarity and Toby tell us all about the apartment that Toby is living in at the moment and the new house he’s having built near his restaurant. Rarity has decided to move out of the boutique, while still using it as an office and a store, and live with Toby once construction is complete. I have no clue how Sweetie Belle will take this, but I fear the worst.

Twilight offers to let me live at the library full time and I happily agree, what could be better than living with a beautiful girl who loves you in a house filled with books?

We finish our food and ponies start to leave; Dash and AJ race off to the farm (I wonder what they’ll be doing.), Mac and Flutters leave to attend to the chickens, Rarity and Toby want to get some coffee and ice cream so they head off to a small café across town, Pinkie and Joe disappear somewhere, and all of a sudden Twilight and I are left alone with Shining and Cadance.

“Well, we had better get going.” I say and all three agree with me.

Shining and Cadance had traveled to Ponyville via flying carriage but leave with Twilight and I by truck. Thanks to Twilight my truck no longer resembles gaily colored fruit; instead it looks like a silver, aerodynamic version of its former self. I toss my rifle and most of my gear in the back and settle into the driver’s seat. Twilight rides shotgun and her siblings sit in back. I order everyone to buckle up and then tear out of Ponyville at around ninety miles an hour. I think Shining just pissed himself.

God I love my truck!

It takes us an hour to make it to Canterlot and another twenty minutes to navigate our way through the maze of crowded streets. When we finally get to the front gates of the castle I’m blown away, never in my life have I seen such beautiful architecture. I take my iPod out and snap a dozen pictures as Shining addresses the guards at the gate and gains us entrance.

We coast through a garden filled with statues and water fountains, I take even more pictures. We drive up to a set of steps that leads to the main doors and get out. A guard rushes over and asks us to follow him inside.

We pass through the grand wooden doors and into a hallway of stained glass windows that would be the envy of every cathedral should the castle get up and start meeting other buildings in another world.

The guard leads us down hallway aftrer hallway and finally stops in front of two magnificent golden doors that look like a sunrise plastered onto steel. The guard knocks on the door and a voice calls from within, saying something I can’t quite catch.

“Her majesty, princess Celestia, will now see you.” The guard bows and assumes a diligent vigil off to the side of the door way.

I look back to Twilight, Shining, and Cadance. “Go in.” they all mouth silently.

I push the door on the right open and walk into a large bedroom. Shelves line every wall and a dozen or more books lie open and half read on bench tucked under a bay window. A tapestry of the sun and the moon hangs on the wall behind a California king size bed. On that bed is, I assume, one princess Celestia. Her fur is white like snow, her mane and tail are multicolored and flowing like a flag in a slight breeze, her cutie mark is a sun, I assume because she raise and lowers it, but the oddest things about her are her size and wings. She looks a good deal like Cadance, wings and a horn, but is much, much larger. Had she been standing rather than lying on her bed she would likely be eye level with me.

“Hello, your majesty.” I bow and then salute her once I stand again. “It is an honor to be able to meet you. As a soldier of the United States of America I offer my loyalty as an ambassador to earth or whatever you may need of me. I would like to thank you for letting me stay in your country and also request to be allowed to stay here indefinitely as I have no ways of returning home. I give you my word that I will follow any and all laws of your world if I am given citizenship here.”

“I appreciate your courtesy, Lafayette, but I’m afraid that there will be some difficulties involving your citizenship. If you all would accompany me to the courtroom we can discuss Lafayette’s situation with my sister and my advisers. There may be a way we can send you home.”

I bow again and gulp as I do. ‘Difficulties, advisers, being sent back? This isn’t good.’

I stand and wait as princess Celestia climbs off of her bed, walks past Twilight, Shining, and Cadance. I follow her and they follow me.

“Oh dear God,” I pray under my breathe. “Help me out here, please.” I cross myself and walk along side my friends as we follow Celestia to the courtroom.

Just when things are going well, and I’m starting to like it here, I get told I may be sent home. ‘What would I do if she does send me home? I couldn’t go to the military, or my friends, or even my wife because I’m dead. I probably couldn’t even get back into the USA. Sending me home would be a punishment worse than death at the moment.’

We approach the courtroom doors and I take a deep breath.

“Dear God, let this all go OK.”

With that final prayer we enter into a room full of bureaucrats and politicians who will decide my fate.

Just by seeing the expressions on their faces when they look at me I can tell I’m fucked. I rub Twilights neck and cast off my fear.

‘Here goes everything.’