The life and times of Lafayette Ryder

I rock back and forth slowly on the bench with my face in my hands and tears in my eyes.

‘Jeff, why would you do this? Haven’t I suffered enough for you? All those years of cutting and searing my flesh, all of the times I slit my wrists or bashed my head into a wall, I always did whatever you told me to do, even when after the accident I listened to you. Why now, why do you still feel compelled to torture me?’

I struggle to breathe as I dig my thumbs deeper into my eyes. Maybe, just maybe, if I hurt myself some more he’ll stop doing this to me. I feel the pressure on my left eye increase and then stop. I nearly bite my tongue in half as I suppress the urge to scream at the pain. Blood and tears mingle on my cheek but I pay it no mind.

‘Please Jeff, please…’

A voice, not Jeff’s but from a similar location and speaker, arises in my mind.

‘Look up Lafe, look up at your baby boy and smile. Jeff may try to hurt you but you know all I ever do is protect you. Now look up.’ The voice is calm and soft, I think of Twilight’s soft fur as the voice’s words echo throughout my mind.

‘Well you’ve done a shit job protecting me lately.’ I gasp for air and start tearing into my right eye just as I had done to my left, if nothing else I wouldn’t be able to see the picture of my son ever again.

‘I think I’ve done quite well, Lafe.’ The voice nags at me and forces my attention to turn away from my attempts at blinding myself and to her instead. ‘God told me to watch over you, he gave me the power to save you from the convoy ambush you know. Since then I saved you from death a half dozen times or so.’

‘Really? When?”

‘Oh there was that nasty fall, remember stupid blue ‘bird’ that called to you while you fell?’ she doesn’t wait for an answer. ‘I happen to have blue wings, catch my drift? All those days before Twily modified your skin, I kept you from cooking alive. I won’t even get started on the Zerg rush, er, I mean Changeling attack, the year on the moon without food, water, or air, but I will mention the mortal wounds I cleaned up for you with Tia’s rogue magic. So yes, I have been watching out for your ass, now trust me when I say look up!’

Dulcie’s voice drifts away and I think back to my last life. There was a reason I named my baby girl after this punker angel, it was because she had saved my sorry hide more times than I care to recall. I drop my hands into my lap and clasp them together tightly. I look up. I can only see out of one eye but that’s more than enough to view the screen. What I see on the screen astonishes me.

“Jeffery, you son of a bitch.” I mutter as I begin to laugh and cry at the same time. Twilight, Nurse Redheart, and Dr. Whooves all look over to me.

“Lafe, why are you laughing? This is serious, our baby’s in trouble! Just look at him.” Twi fights to hold back tears as she speaks. I laugh again, louder this time, and stand up.

“Our baby is just fine,” I assure her. “It’s Developing just as it should be for…”

“Sir, I’m afraid the shock of this is getting to you, your son is most certainly not developing correctly. I fear he will not even make it to the expected time of birth.” The Doctor's British accent does little to calm or persuade me.

“Doc,” I say.

“Yes?” The brown quack replies.

“Shut the fuck up. What I was trying to say is that our son is growing just as a human child should, what you all have mistaken for maladies and deformations are actually perfectly normal body structure for a baby at the end of the third trimester of pregnancy. He will be just fine.”

“Lafayette,” Twilight sobs. “You’re grasping at straws! He’s not a human, he couldn’t possibly be one!”

“Twilight,” I say calmly. “Look at the screen again.” She looks. “Look at his ‘hooves’.” She does. “What do you see?”

“Digits.”

“And what do they remind you of?”

“Fingers.”

“Do ponies have finger?”

“No, but humans do!”

I embrace the mother of my children, my new colt and baby boy, and laugh. Dr. Whooves and Nurse Redheart sigh and congratulate us on the well being of our new foal and baby.

“In that case I apologize for my earlier misconception,” The good Doctor shuffles his legs awkwardly in front of him as he speaks. “Seeing as how everything seems normal we can expect Miss Twilight to give birth within a week, she will know when it is approaching and be able to arrive here with plenty of time to spare. Until then you two can go home and prepare. I have to be off now, good day and Allons-y!”

“Wait, what did he just say?” I turn to confront the stallion but he is already gone. “I knew he looked familiar.”

Twilight and I drive back to the library to spend the rest of the evening resting together. Once inside our plans of a quiet evening are thrown out the window, all of our friends and some of Twilights family are here to celebrate with us. Twilight lies down on a sofa while I greet Shining and his wife and Orion and Dazzle, Twilight and Shining’s parents. Fortunately they are very happy about my engagement to their daughter and about their future grandfoals. I tell them about the colt and boy and while they seem shocked they also are happy as can be.

I raise a glass and announce the good, yet odd, news to everypony in the room. They all cheer and congratulate us. For an hour more we chat idly with all of our friends, the only notable conversation being with princess Cadance when she noticed my sidearm and invited me to her laboratory to examine her work. I agree and return to discussing the wedding plans with Twilight and her family.

As dusk approaches ponies start to leave, Twi’s parents are the last to go. I get a kiss on the cheek from her mother and a jovial punch to the shoulder by her father. I also get called ‘son’ by them both, I can’t remember the last time I had a parent call me their son or even treat me like they liked me. I tear up a bit as they walk out to an awaiting carriage. Wait a second, I’m crying from both eyes now. What the fuck? I touch my left eye and feel it whole and unscathed.

“Thank you Dulcie.” I mumble under my breath.

Twilight and I prepare for bed and are just heading upstairs when a knock at the door stops us.

“Go on up Twi, I’ll see who it is.”

Twilight continues up to her room while I walk over to the door. I open it and look out at our visitor.

“Why hello Celly, would you like to come in?”