The life and times of Lafayette Ryder

“Clothes?”

“Check.”

“Toiletries?”

“Check.”

“Books?”

“All forty two of them, check.”

“Strap on?”

“Chec… wait, why the fuck are we bringing that?”

Twilight looks up from the suit case she’s packing and at me.

“The doctors are probably going to have me stay overnight and I don’t want to be bored.” She says matter-of-factly.

“I’m going to stay with you, between all of your books and my company you really think you’ll get bored?”

“Hmm, maybe. Or maybe I just wanted a little something extra to play with while we’re there.” She smiles and bats her eyelashes at me. I cave.

“Fine, fine, but pack this too.” I conjure up a small bottle of lube and hand it to a now blushing Twilight. “I’ve asked you half a dozen times to use this and you never have.”

“Sorry!” she giggles while tucking the bottle into the suitcase of our things. “Ready to go?”

“Eeyup, I’ll take this down to the truck.” I grab the suitcase and walk down to the library with Twilight at my side. After tossing our shit into the back seat I help Twilight into her seat. We wave goodbye to Spike, who will be watching over the library while we’re gone, and head off into town.

We get our own room in the hospital to stay in while we wait for Twilight to give birth. ‘Anytime in the next fifteen hours’ Nurse Redheart says. Several of our friends stop by to chat and wish us luck.

Rarity and Toby offer us a free meal at Cul Anes and whatever clothes the baby could possibly need. Pinkie, with five foals and a tired husband in tow, promises to throw the greatest birthday parties for us so long as we name her aunt to both of our children. Dash and AJ tell us they will baby/foalsit whenever we need a break (When I say Dash and AJ offer I mean AJ offered and Dash went along with it after a sharp jab to the flank from her marefriend). Mayor Mare shows up unexpectedly with a few (By a few a mean a pile of) papers for me to sign that will make me a permanent legal citizen of Equestria and also promote me to the honorary rank of Master Sergeant of the Royal Guard. While the title gives me almost no real power it does give me a position as ambassador for Earth to Equestria should the need arise for one and it also grants me permission to carry Human grade weapons. Just before the sun sets Big Mac and his partners walk in.
“Sup Mac?” I walk over and hug him. “How have you been ya big lug?”

“Purty good, all things considered. Harvest season sure was a pain without you to help, jus bout finished too late.” Mac smiles soberly.

“Hey, I’m real sorry about that. Tell you what; this year you an AJ take a break, I’ll clear all the trees for you guys.” Mac starts to refuse but I put a hand up to stop him. “I aint taking no as an answer, I promised I’d help you guys out and that’s exactly what I plan to do. Got it?”

“Eeyuup.”

Fluttershy is over talking to Twilight about the kids; Caramel is standing next to Mac and looking very awkward and uncomfortable. I walk over to him and hold my hand out to shake. “So you’re Caramel, nice to meet you.” He shakes my hand nervously and looks every direction except towards me.

“Carmel,” Mac says.

“Uh, yeah Mac?” Caramel looks over to him.

“Relax; Lafe here is a nice fella. No need to be so nervous around him.” Mac smiles and pats Caramel on the back. Evidently Mac’s words of approval are all it takes to calm his boyfriend down and get him to open up.

“S-sorry ’bout that, it’s just that some folks don’t take too kindly to us ’cause of the polygamy bit. Or maybe jus ’cause it’s two fellers and a filly together, I dunno but I don’t like ponies judging us for it.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I say calmly. “I’m not one to judge, especially since I’m marrying a pony soon. I’d be one hell of a hypocrite to bash on gays or polygamy and then turn around and say being with Twilight is just fine.” I pat him on the back and give him a reassuring grin.

“Um…Lafayette, if it’s not too much of a bother, could I ask a favor of you? If that’s alright with you of course.”

I turn away from Mac and Caramel. “Sure Fluttershy You know you can ask me for anything. What do you need?”

“Well, um, Twilight asked if I would like to be the God… er,” She looks up at Big Mac’s unpleased expression.

“Guardianmother for your foal and baby, but I wanted to ask you first.”

“Godmother you mean?” I ask and Fluttershy nods yes.

“We prefer the other term, Guardianmother, instead. Is that alright?”

“Sure, I’d love to have you as… Guardianmother… of my kids. Hey do you mind if I use Godmother? It’s just what I’m used to.” Fluttershy looks at Mac who nods his head and sighs a bit.

“Yes, that’s fine. And thank you Lafayette, if you ever need a foalsitter or anything don’t hesitate to ask me.” She smiles softly and I rub her neck.

“Thanks Fluttershy, I really do appreciate it.”

The threesome makes to leave the hospital room but Big Mac stops short at the door. He turns and looks at me.
“One more thing before I go, princess Celestia,” He bows a little as he states her name. “Sent me a letter saying that a human baby would need milk longer than its mother could produce it. Our cows would gladly spare some of theirs for yur kin.”

I nod and thank him. “That would be wonderful Mac, in fact I could use some too, humans need the vitamins in milk to keep our bones healthy and strong.”

“Well we’ll be on our way then, see y’all later.” Big Mac, Fluttershy, and Caramel leave us alone again.

“So,” I begin. “We have a few hours before you’ll be ready, a private room, and oh, what’s this?” I point to the open suitcase. “Bored yet?” I ask.

“Mmm, maybe a little.” Twilight smirks and starts levitating things out of the luggage as I lock the door.

“Come here you, Momma’s gonna learn you a lesson.”

I smile.

“Kinky.”

Five hours, and one lesson not to be forgotten, later Twilight goes into labor. Nurse Redheart and an orderly deliver the colt without hassle but I have to step in and assist with the boy.

“He needs to come out headfirst,” I tell them as I stand elbow deep in Twilight trying to untangle my boy from his umbilical cord and pull him out. “If he doesn’t he won’t be able to breathe.” Twilight pushes and a slimy bundle of wailing joy slides out of her womb and into my arms. “I don’t think these stains will come out easily.” I mutter as I look at my now ruined Polo shirt.

The nurses rinse off both newborns and wrap them in cloth blankets. They give the foal to Twilight to hold and the boy to me.

“What will we name them, Lafe?” Twilight asks me.

“Hmm, how about I name this one,” I tilt my head to the squirming baby in my arms. “And you name that one.”

“OK. Oh, Nurse Redheart?”

“Yes deary?”

“Could you let my family in now, they’ve been waiting a while.”

“No problem dear.”

Nurse Redheart ushers Twilights mom, dad, brother, and sister in law into the delivery room while we discuss possible names.

“Thaddeus Storm Ryder, after my grandfather.”I tell Twi my idea and she grins.

“I like it, wait a second, why the Ryder at the end?”

My soon to be in-laws walk up as I explain.

“On Earth children take the father’s last name, so do wives. If you’re OK with it after we’re married you will be Twilight Sparkle Ryder.” Twilight looks over to her father.

“Daddy, would you be OK with that? I know you named me, I wouldn’t want to upset you by changing it.”

“It sounds lovely; if that’s what you want its fine by me.”

I kneel down and let Dazzle and Orion see their new grandson.

“Thaddeus Storm,” Dazzle quotes. “How unique.” She smiles as I let her hold him.

“Be careful,” I warn. “His bones are very brittle at the moment; they won’t grow strong until he is a year old or so.” Dazzle nuzzles Thaddeus and promises to be cautious.

I feel a hoof on my back and turn to see Shining.

“Welcome to the family, bro.” He says warmly. I get a bro hug from him and then a full hug from Cadance.

“Now I’ll have a sister and a brother!” she Proclaims.

“Starlight!”

I look over at Twilight. “What was that Twi?”

“Starlight, we’ll call him Starlight Bright.”

I look down at the unicorn colt for the first time and see that the name fits him to a tee. He is black all over with pinpoints of white across his entire body, white fetlocks, and a splotch of the same color on his muzzle.

“Thaddeus Storm Ryder and Starlight Bright Ryder. Has a nice ring to it.” I trade off with Twilight and hold Starlight in the crook of my elbow.

We all sit down and pass the newborns around until everypony in the room has held both. We talk about the wedding and Celestia’s offer to be MC. Turns out that Twilights family is Catholic and they want a priest as well. Orion mentions a friend of his who lives in Ponyville, a Father Waddle. We decide to ask him to perform the ceremony alongside Celly. I make fun of Captain Armor for a bit since I now technically outrank him and he calls me a ‘hairless, headless, harmless ape’ we both laugh and slap each other on the back. Twilight asks about getting our own house and moving out of the library, I say I’ll build it with my own two hands. They all laugh at this but they fail to see how serious I am, I plan to construct my own home for my family. We settle down and chat about unimportant events; family members, housing plans for parti…

“PARTIES!!!”

Pinkie Pie jumps into the room and starts signing happy birthday to our kids. She’s covered in balloons and streamers, the bags under her eyes are gone and a mile wide smile once again covers her face. None of us van help but giggle and chuckle as Pinkie dances and sings.

Pinkie ditches us to fix supper for her family, Twilight’s parents and siblings leave for home, and our babies lay fast asleep in a crib next to our bed. Twilight has to stay overnight but at least they gave us a large bed. I pull the sheets over our bodies and Twilight snuggles up against me.

“I love you.” she says.

“I love you too.” I reply.

With a quick but passionate kiss and one last glance at our new family members we both doze off into a deep, satisfied slumber.

Half way through the night a wake up drenched in sweat and shivering in fear.

“Oh God,” I mutter. “Diapers, dirty diapers everywhere!”

I fall back onto the bed and into sleep once more.

Twilight can deal with that mess.