The life and times of Lafayette Ryder

I sit at Twilights desk and work the math out in my head.

A human hits puberty at 15 we’ll say, at about 21 their full body finishes development, at around 90 they die. A pony lives to 200 years on average; they mature in their late 20’s and finish growing in their late40’s. Twilight is 32 now, equivalent to an 18 year old human, and I’m pushing 30 now.

I chew on the end of my recently conjured pencil and crunch a few more numbers.

If I hit 90 Starbright will be 61, equal to me currently, and Thaddeus with be 61 as well, an old man. Twilight will be 93, about 46 in human years.

‘Hell,’ I think. ‘I’ll leave twilight widowed in the middle of her life; I’ll leave one son in his youth and another in his golden years. This time difference is going to be a bitch.’

I sigh and lean back in my chair as I wad up the scrap paper I had been doodling on and toss it into a nearby wastebasket.

“Three points!” I mime the cheering of a crowd and grin.

“I see being a father hasn’t matured you any yet.” Twilight quips from within the kitchen of our new house. It’s actually an addition to the library but it’s fully separated and I like calling it my house.

“You know what they say Twi, the first forty years of childhood are the hardest.” I chuckle but the silence from the other room hurts me a bit. Twi doesn’t get it, she still thinks of me in pony years. To her we’re about the same age, but I’m a bit young and she thinks of herself as a cradle robber. To me I have twice her years and feel like a sugar daddy cavorting with a barely legal beauty. I smile and sigh simultaneously at the thought, just one more reminder of the barrier of years between us.

I get out of the chair and spin it for no reason, I walk to the kitchen I built, I step on wooden floors I sawed and placed, I run my hand on a wall I put up, I smile.

In the kitchen Twilight prepares bottles for our children who are almost a year old now. I sit in-between Thaddeus and Starbright and think of the last year and all the things that had happened.

/\/\/\

Our wedding went flawlessly, Celestia and Father both spoke and our children were baptized immediately afterwards. Shining and Cadance offered to foalsit for us during our honeymoon, we gladly accepted. Two weeks in fabulous Las Pegasus, though I did gamble a bit (I cleaned house and Black Applejack, apparently our friends namesake invented the game, and won two million bits.) I spent the vast majority of my time in our royal suite with my new bride. All through the honey moon she refused to take off her horn ring, to this day she wears it twenty four/ seven. My left hand has the uncanny ability to phase in and out of solidity, due to this odd trait I was forced to jury rig a mechanical skeleton hand to my wrist, while this was intended to only hold my ring permanently (Which it does without fail as the ring is a solid part of my ring finger on the device.) it came with the unintended but welcome bonus of allowing me to feel, grip, and even use superhuman strength with it once my magic imbued itself into the metal and wires. Since then I have felt as whole as if my left hand had never been severed from my wrist, to look at it though proves it had been torn off and modified; the metal base at my wrist, the steel fingers, and the ever-changing flesh of my hand are all quite visible. Thaddeus loves watching and playing with my fingers as they fade in and out of reality, from solid and fleshy white to a gaseous magical aura of swimming hazel and sea foam green.

After our return I constructed the addition, using only my two hands and the magic within one, in just under a week. We moved in and were thrown an excellent housewarming party by Pinkie and our friends the very next day.

Most of our friends have settled down and married, there is peace in Equestria so the elements of harmony are no longer needed, they can go back to living a normal, fulfilling life.

Rarity and Toby got married, I was best man, and are now expecting a filly, what the poor child will look like, being the offspring of a pony and an ass, I have no idea. I just hope for the girl’s sake that she takes after her mother in looks and her father in wisdom.

Big Mac, Fluttershy, and Caramel were married with direct permission from Celly. Having Celestia perform his marriage was just about the greatest event in Mac’s life, narrowly being beaten for top spot by wedding the mare and stallion he loves so dearly. Though Mac’s stubborn and occasionally offensive devout belief in the Astral sisters as deities and both he and Caramel being referred to as ‘papa’ by their three foals can be annoying he is still a great friend of mine, he even served as co-Beststallion at my wedding alongside Tobias. He and AJ now own and operate Sweet Apple distillery which distributes Mac’s hard cider, Applejack whisky, and Applebloom vodka. They also run Sweet Apple Acres now that Granny Smith has passed away. Every year I go over and help out with Applebuck, cider, and Zapapple harvests and seasons, every year Big Mac and I compete to see who can drink the most Appleshine, and every year I win.

Pinkie Pie, Pony Joe, and their foals moved to Canterlot were they have a world famous bakery and diner, the Cakes are currently the only ponies allowed to sell PinkJoe™ brand pastries and baked goods. Pinkie still pops up randomly from time to time and less randomly at every birthday, holiday, anniversary, third Tuesday of the month, or any other important day of celebration. Last time she was here she shared the good news that she was expecting again, this puts her up to seven foals now. Fortunately the PinkJoe™ restaurant and brand are providing more than enough income to feed and house the kids. Every time their whole family comes to visit the oldest five still act respectful and polite around me. I’ve heard them warn their younger sibling to do the same lest I start yelling and firing my weapon. From what Pinkie has told me they all behave perfectly at home, thanks in part (A rather large part) to yours truly.

Dash and AJ broke up a few months ago on good terms and are still best friends. Dash is pursuing her career as a WonderBolt and spending most of her free time with her new mare… Griffin friend Gilda. She flies over once a month to have dinner with the old group and we see her at every nearby WonderBolts show, we get free tickets.

Applejack is single and has told us she plans to stay that way for a good while, at least until she finds the woman that’s just right for her.

The CMC have all gotten their cutie marks; Applebloom started growing unique strains of apple trees, ones that produce more fruit or are immune to diseases. Her mark is a petal of her namesake.

Sweetie Belle began writing songs and signing, after pulling a few strings Rarity and I were able to get her an audience with a record label from Manehatten. She lives in town with her new coltfriend Pip but travels a great deal to perform across the country.

Scootaloo followed in her heroine’s hoofsteps, she is now a beta squad flyer for the WonderBolts, and she lives in town as well but is almost never here. Between performances and trips to her Fillyfriend in Canterlot we rarely see her anymore.

The others in the CMC also got their marks and grew up a bit; Snips and Snails opened a joke shop and have various prank items as their marks, the images seem to change at will depending on the day or the ponies mood.

Dinky proved successful at advanced mathematics, thanks to an endless stream of resources from me she has developed math and engineering far beyond what my kind have ever dreamt of. At the moment she is working on an Infibasket ™ that will allow anything placed inside to be multiplied as much as needed.

Pip became a sailor and owns his own vessel; I invest heavily in his ventures. Whenever Sweetie Belle is of for work he sails to the Griffin shore or the Zebrecan Isles to trade goods.

Featherweight moved to Manehatten to work for a large newspaper company. Once there he met a strapping young lad and the two have been inseparable since.

Other than that very little has happened, I have not made it to see Cadance’s laboratory, every time I plan to visit something comes up at her end, though Twi’s family has come down several times to visit and see the kids.

Twilight and I have been living comfortable and are happy as can be. I have added a great wealth of human knowledge and literature to the library and built three annex buildings to house all of the new books. At the time being the Ponyville library is far grander than the royal library in Canterlot. What a wonderful feeling that is.

\/\/\/

I devour a plate full of syrupy pancakes and help feed the twins; Starbright is already beginning to speak. When he says ‘dada’ I feel proud and happy, when he says ‘mama’ Twi giggles and smiles.

We pack up the twins and head out to the car; they have a play date with Mac’s boys here in about a half hour. I place their custom built car seats into the back of the truck, which has been fully pimped out might I add, and help Twilight into her seat. As I walk over to the driver’s door rain starts to fall.

“Just about made it,” I grumble as I hurry to pull the cover over the open top of the truck. As I get in I can’t shake the odd thought that the dark, mucky looking rain smelled like chocolate milk.

‘Naw, that would be ridiculous.’ I brush the thought away and we pull out of the drive and head for Sweet Apple Acres.

‘Chocolate rain,now that's just crazy.’