The life and times of Lafayette Ryder

After freeing myself from the wall I had flown into and assuring everypony that I was not gravely injured Cadance took me back to the weapons room to prepare for the upcoming mission.

I summon Jeff (I hate the bastard but I still need him…) and my suit of armor and begin modifying them with whatever magic I can think of and all the gadgets and gizmos at my disposal from E.I.E. I Strengthen and thin the steel on my armor and I add deflection and protection spells, now if anyone strikes at me with either physical weapons or magic it will glance off and leave me unharmed. I add a few more spikes to Jeff (Because you can never have too many razor sharp steel spikes on a weapon.) and add a bit of gold and “Cloudsteel” to him. The unicorn scientist in the room with me explains that Cloudsteel can puncture anything save itself, will never rust or dent, and wont melt at any temperatures below some insanely high number. He warns me that should I ever face a dragon’s fire the Cloudsteel will melt and burn a limb off, I just show him my left hand and chuckle. I strip down and toss the bio hazard suit into a nearby incinerator shoot and begin layering my armor on.

Spandex leggings and long sleeve shirt, made with Rarity’s assistance to allow mobility and protect my skin from my armor.

Magic foam padding at the chest, ribs, waist, and thighs that will provide extra cushion from blows and blunt force trauma.

A rubber like morph suit that the metal armor attaches to.

And finally two dozen some individual steel pieces that cover all vital organs and protect me from firearms and explosives. As I click each piece into place strands of intertwining Cloudsteel link them to other pieces and cover any unprotected part of me without affecting my maneuverability.

I design a sword in my mind and feel it materialize in my hand; I slid it into a rung on my waist and move over to a table of firearms and other assorted weapons.

Cadance walks me through each one; telling me the pros, cons, and results of each item. I pick a plasma rifle up and hold it next to my desert eagle, with just a bit of imagination and concentration I merge the two into one. I fire at a dummy across the room and smile as a large chunk of the mannequins torso is torn away and the rest of its body combusts and burns to ashes. I place the new modded pistol in its holster and skim through the rest of the available guns. I already have Jeff and my M-16 on my back and the new sword and my sidearm at my waist so I can’t carry anything else if it’s too large, it’s not the weight it’s just that I’m running out of space on my person. I grab a compact sub machine gun with an odd handle on it. Cadance takes it; the handle is made specifically for ponies I see now, looking at the other guns I see most are made in a similar fashion, and show me how it works. One hand, or hoof in her case, rests inside the device and the other spins a wheel on the side to fire it.

“Stand back.” She warns. I take a step from her and watch intensely as she turns the firing mechanism and a spray of golden liquid and gas flows out of the nozzle at the end. I guess it’s not an SMG, sure looked like one to me. Cadance moves the hoof inside the gun and the golden substance responds, turning into a floating orb and going whatever direction she steers it. When it touches something it eats away at it like an incredibly corrosive chemical. A dummy liquefies within seconds of being touched and a steel wall melts into a pool from the orb just hovering nearby. “Watch this.” She orders. The gold breaks off into shards and launches at whatever target Cadance motions to, the now solid substance rips into anything it hits and leaves a corrosive stain behind that eats its way through the target.

“I’ll take that.” I say as I retrieve the gun from her. I reshape it to fit my hands and reprogram it to allow the fingers of the hand inside the gun to direct the flow of fire of the gold instead of moving the entire device. I strap this to my lower back and circle the table. I want one more thing before I go and… here it is! I pull a bulky, rectangular thing from the table. It doesn’t look like one from Earth but I know it when I see it. I hold it up and it morphs to fit against my hands, shoulder, and cheek so I can hold and aim it better. I look down the sights and pull the trigger; a thousand metal spikes fly out of the barrel and shred the last dummy. “Shotgun rain, some stay dry but others feel the pain, Lincoln, Kennedy, Curt Kobain; I’m in headshot city with shotgun rain .” I can’t recall the lyrics perfectly but they sound just fine to me. I sling the shotty over my left shoulder and turn to my sister-in-law. “Let’s roll.”

We leave the armory and regroup with the others, after a brief vote we end up back in Tia’s room to plan the next stage of the plan.

We all take our former seats but Luna and I trade, I stand while she sits next to Twilight. Sitting in armor isn’t as easy as it sounds.

“So,” I begin. “I have a plan. Jacob, is the GreenWind tribe,” Marley and Wayne appear. “Are you guys still cool with the other tribes? Has the word spread yet that you’ve joined us?”

“Not yet brudda,” he says. “Dose udda Grifins, dey be still tinkin we cool, dey don know a ting an dey don spect a ting.”

“Good, now Celestia I need to know, am I to use lethal force here, am I to fight, kill, and defeat this army, or am I just to perform a show of force and scare them straight?”

Celestia sighs and nods to me. “I permit the use of lethal force on all who fight. These Griffins are criminals who plan to invade our land, while you were dressing reports came to me that confirmed that their army has crossed the border and already raided a small town. While lethal force is allowed I would ask you to spare any wounded, children, slaves, and any who surrender. Also please try and bring the leaders back alive so they may be tried and punished for war crimes.”

I nod. “Ok then, will do. So here’s the plan…” for the next half hour we go over the details of my plan, fine tuning them and changing them as necessary. Finally we break and Jacob, Marley, Wayne, and I prepare to head out for the northwestern border. The three Griffins take to the sky and wait for me, Jacob offers to carry me but I tell him I got it. I think for a moment and my armor shifts itself, opening up two empty spots on my back. With a little magic a take my combat knife and slice two vertical lines on each shoulder blade, the skin and muscle peel away and I feel my wings underneath start to come out. I flex a few new muscles and force them from beneath my flesh. Everypony in the room gasps, Jacob just laughs.

“Wat? Now you an Allycorn? Brudda got sum skeels ah teel you dat.”

I look back and see, instead of the demon changeling wings I expected, two white wings with golden feather tips and thick bones supporting them. They look kind of like an eagles wings but larger and stronger, they weigh a ton but I can lift them with ease. I flap the a few times and lift off the ground, I spread them out and find I have a wingspan of almost ten feet. I think of how the Pegasi can fold their wings to their sides and do the same, my wings collapse onto my back, covering my weapons but not preventing their retrieval, and feel lighter than before.

I walk over to Twilight and hug her tightly.

“I’ll be back for dinner tonight.” I say.

“You’d better be,” she says through her tears. “I love you.”

“I love you too Twi.” I tell her. I kiss her on the lips and then follow the GreenWind boys out the window.

“Don’t worry, I’ll have this war ended by bedtime, I swear.” I wave to everypony, everypony waves to me, and then I fly away alongside my bruddas.

‘So I’m a human Alicorn now,’ I think to myself as we pass over Equestria on our way to the Griffin army. ‘Is my hair gonna turn funky?”

We near the Griffin encampment and I hide in a cloud as Jacob and his boys start phase one of my six phase plan.

‘I hope it doesn’t turn pink or rainbowie or anything, Dallas already has me feeling more queer than ever, the last thing I need is to look the part too.

“Watcu meen dis ain’t good nuff fo yo men? Dis ere be premium sheet!”

I hear Jacob shout the code phrase for me to join him and begin phase two. I dive through the cloud and freefall towards the tent he’s in. I knock a few stray flyers out of my way and land at the tent flap.

‘Time to shine,’ I think. ‘Now Jeffery, be happy, you’re about to get all the blood you could ask for here in just a bit.’

The thought of the destruction I’ll soon wreak gets me hard. I turn my swagger on and stroll into the tent.

Oh, this is gonna be a fun day!