Philosophy of the Damned

Alright shower’s done, what should I do until they come and get me.
Looking out the window I saw some woods and with not the most sober idea I said fuck it, wrote a note, put on my wraparound shades, grabbed my pack and snuck out past whoever was around, it wasn’t that hard it was kinda close and people were starting to head into town.

Just looking at the place gave me chills, I could see something that looked like a brown bush and decided to investigate, also not a good idea.

“What the fuck is that.” I asked poking the brown bush.

“RAWR”

“Holy shit it’s a goddamn bear! Uh good boy.”

“GRR”

“Well shit.”

~Twilight’s View 11:03am~

“It’s good to see you again Twilight, I’m eager to hear of your new discovery.” Said Celestia.

“I’m just glad you could make it on such short notice.”

“Alright Twilight. I think everypony is here now what is it you wanted to show us?” asked Mayor Mare.

“He should be here any minute.” Oh there’s Rainbow Dash, she should know.

“Rainbow did you get him?”

“He wasn’t at the library, I don’t know where he went.”

“What do you mean you don-

“Oh my gosh what is that?!” screamed a voice in the crowd.

“It’s a bear what’s it look like?” Replied a deeper somewhat familiar voice.

“Uh, Twi is that who I think it is?” asked Applejack.

“I-I have no idea.”

~30 minutes earlier~

“Okay you wanna eat me and I don’t want that, let’s come to a compromise.” I said trying to bargain with the bear, not something I usually plan for.

“Alright I think I have some dried fish in my pack you can have that.” I said throwing the food on the ground.

Oh I hope this works.

I could see the bear sniffing at the fish to investigate. Alright it’s starting to eat it now or never.

“See we can work together here you don’t want to eat me, you’re just another bear in the world trying to live his life aren’t you?” I asked

I could see the bear nod its head, good it can understand me.

“Well if you stick with me I can promise you there will be more where that came from okay?”

The bear nodded.

“Hey you mind if I hop on I need to get somewhere quickly? I’ll give you some more fish if you do.”

The bear nodded towards his back.

“Alright I think I’m gonna call you… Mister Cuddlesworth, that sound nice?”

“Mmgh”

“I’ll take that as a yes so let’s go, high ho Cuddlesworth!”

~ Present ~

“Oh my gosh what is that?!” screamed someone in the crowd.

“It’s a bear what’s it look like?” I replied.

I could see Twilight and the others staring at me with awe on their faces.

“Hey Fluttershy take care of this for me will you?”

“I, uh ok.”

“What are you doing?!” Shouted Twilight.

“Uh, wondering why you’re shouting at me, who’s this?” I asked wondering about the tall regal looking pony beside her.

“THIS is the Princess!”

“Pleasure to meet you.” Said the princess looking me over and sticking out her hoof.

“Nice to meet you to I suppose we’ll have to go over some things later.”

“Yes as I can tell you’re a bit, different.”

“Me, uh yeah kinda, well I’m needed on stage so I’ll see you in a minute.”

Walking on the stage with the others I could see the crowd’s eyes following me as I climbed the stairs, each one looking in awe and confusion. One particular sea foam green pony seemed amazed and star struck like a three year old at their birthday party.

“Alright howdy everybody how you doing my name’s Rush. As, I’m sure you’ve figured out already figured out I am who you all gathered to meet and greet I am hoping to make a residence here and get to know each of you. Before we start anything though, are there any questions?”

I saw some hooves shoot up. That sea foam green one shaking wildly.

“Uh, you green unicorn.”

“I, uh, are you, a human?” she asked.

“Yes, actually, how did you know?” I asked surprised that they might actually have us here considering the reactions I got from the others.

“I knew it yes, woo!” What the hell?

“Hey, what the hell are you doing?” I wasn’t too worried about saying hell. They shouldn’t know what that is.

“I knew you were real no one else believed me but I knew, I knew!” I could see she was starting to hyperventilate and wouldn’t last much longer.

“Now that you’re here we have so much to talk about and… and.” And she’s gone.

“Is she gonna be alright?” I asked concerned about the mental health of the unicorn.

“Yeah she’ll be fine, I think.” Replied a pale cream colored pony.
Not my problem so it works for me. I could see some little orange filly jumping with her hoof raised, exactly how she kept her balance is beyond me. It looked like she was with a class of considering how many there were and how bunched up they were, am I really that important.

“You, little orange one.”

“What’s your cutie mark?”

“My what?”

“It’s the mark that shows your special talent.” Twilight whispered in my ear.

“Oh, I don’t have one.”

“So you’re a, blank flank.” Said another snootier obnoxious voice.

“Uh, sure why not.”

“So lame.” Bitch.

“I rode in on a bear do you really want to make enemies.” I said annoyed.

“Alright next, you magenta in the back.”

“Would you mind coming in and sharing your culture with the class?”

“Good and bad or just good?” I asked wondering if I should really be teaching kids about the things where I came from.

“Both if you don’t mind.”

“Um any particular time?”

“How about Tuesday?”

“Sure, I guess.”

“Grey and Blonde up front.”

“Do you like muffins?”

“Love’em.” Kind of a pointless question.

“Maybe you should wrap this we don’t want to keep the princess waiting.” Said Mayor Mare

“Hmm right, Alright everyone the rest of the questions will have to wait until were done.”
I could see Celestia walking on stage out of the corner of my eye there was something about her that demanded attention.

“Well Rush we are guessing you want to get back to where your from as soon as possible. Well I’m sure you’ll be pleased to know I’ll have my top scientists at Canterlot working on it.” She said cheerily.

“On the contrary. I would like to stay.”

“What? Are you sure, won’t you be missed by those from your planet.”

“That’s not my problem, how do you know that I’m from a different planet?”

“I can feel that you haven’t been exposed to much magic. I’m more in tune than most.” She said winking.

“Uh, okay.”

Well we will be glad to have you here. I wish to have you under the study of my pupil and niece Twilight Sparkle.”
Not what I’m looking for but I will take it.

“Alright I’ll stay under her study, IF you let me do some training with your guards. They have no discipline and the armor is god awful. As well as Integration to Equestria and if you bring the fastest flyer in Equestria down here for a race.”

“So in order for us to study you, you want to help train and arm our military?” she asked confused by my statement.

“That is correct.”

“That can be arranged I suppose, you are an odd one aren’t you?”

“We haven’t even scratched the surface.”

“So when do you want to go.”

“How about next week if I’m doing this I need to plan out the armor and weapons and how far ahead I’m going to set you.”
From what I’ve seen so far the armor seems like a byproduct of the Romans, but they have barely any will to fight considering they didn’t jump to protect when the bear showed up.

“Alright here’s your certificate of integration.” she said giving me a slip of paper.

“That was a little fast wasn’t it?” I asked.

“One of the perks of being a princess.” Alright I suppose that’s a viable answer.

“Well I guess that’s all there is to it.” I said reaching out my hand to meet her hoof once more.

“I suppose it is, smile.” She replied shaking my hand as we turned to face the crowd and press.

After the onslaught of flashes and thanking god I didn’t have epilepsy I stepped off the stage to answer more questions.

“Alright get in a line and I’ll answer all your questions.”
One would think that small request would be relatively simple. That one would be wrong. These were the answers that followed.

“Yes that’s a real bear.”
“The thing strapped to my waist is a gun.”
“A gun is a weapon.”
“Self-defense.”
“Sure I’d love to try some of your muffins.”

As I saw the last three come up I noticed one of them was the orange filly from earlier with what I guessed to be her friends.

“Hey you’re that kid from earlier what’s up?”

“You said you didn’t have a cutie mark right?” asked the unicorn filly.

“Yeah.”

“Well we were wonderin’ if ya wanted to try to get it with us.” She said in a thick southern accent.

“Y’know you sound a lot like Applejack.”

“Well’a course I do she’s ma sister. You kinda talk like we do to.”
Hmm good to know.

“Uh, sure why not. What do you call yourselves?”
I saw each of them take a huge gasp of air which was never a good sign.

“Were the, CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!” JESUS CHRIST

“Alright then that’s the first time I’ve been that scared in awhile. Wait, before we do any thing what are your names.”

“I’m Sweetie Belle, you already met my sister Rarity.”

“Your Rarity’s sister, hmm yeah I can see that.”

“Ahm Apple Bloom, ya already know ma sister.”

“Yep and what about you.”

“I’m Scootaloo.”

“Alright anything else like a sister or something?”

“I don’t have a family.” She said sadly, it was easy to tell this was a pretty touchy subject.

“Damn kid , wait, where do you stay then?” I was somewhat confused as an orphanage seems like it might stick out a bit.

“I live at the hospital with the rest of the orphans.” This is a bad idea.

“Yeah I guess that makes since. Well when’s your birthday” Nice job dickhead wanna make it more awkward just for the fuck of it? Dumbass.

“Today is my birthday.” Don’t do this dude.

“Well how ‘bout y’all take me ‘round a bit before we do anything.” Yeah let’s just see if you can unfuck this situation.

“Let’s take him to the clubhouse!” said Sweetie Belle.

“Yeah let’s go!” exclaimed Scootaloo. Well kids got spirit I’ll give her that.

“Hold on one second.” I said walking towards the mane six.

“Hey Fluttershy, could you take care of my pal?” I asked.

“Sure!” Hmm she really isn’t shy when it comes to taking care of animals.

“Alright man let’s go.” I told the three fillies

As we walked through town the memories were starting to come back the locations, landmarks, traits, things were coming back. Pinkie works at Sugar Corner. A lot of the species are from mythology. Rainbow Dash is the fastest flyer in Equestria, well I got enough booze I suppose.

“Come on mister Rush it’s up ahead in our orchard.” Said Apple Bloom snapping me out of my trip.

“Please don’t call me mister, were equals.”

As we walked I noticed that we were now on a farm covered in apples. Like way more then what would actually be necessary for a farm. I could guess there’d be more here than in all of the Missouri Ozarks. I could hear a steadily increasing thumping sound from behind us. Turning around I saw a giant red stallion charging me and he looked pissed.

“HOLY SHIT!” I yelled grabbing the base of his head leapfrogging over the rest of him.

“What the hell’s your problem dude?!”

“Big Mac what are you doin’?” asked Applebloom. Heh heh B.M.

“Stay out of this Applebloom!”

“Kid’s go get help or something!” I yelled rolling out of the way of another charge.

After dodging a kick that probably would of killed me I was about done.

“Fuck this!” I yelled sprinting back towards town with that big red fuck right on my heels. I could see the crusaders hadn’t gotten too far,

“Get back here!”

“NO, FUCK YOU!”

Alright I’m in town hopefully someone can help me.

Let’s see if I can use these stalls to lose him. I would think that because he was so big he wouldn’t be agile, I was wrong. Throughout all the sliding under and hopping over stalls he was able to keep up by going around. If he hadn’t been trying to kick my ass for whatever reason I would be impressed.

“Follow me now prick!” I yelled jumping up three crates and scrambling onto a low hanging roof. I could see him looking for me I guess he didn’t see the roof jump. I can tell this can only end well.

“Get down here.” He said trying to draw me out. I was behind him so I had the advantage here.

“Pay back’s a bitch ain’t it!” I yelled jumping off the roof aiming a drop kick at the back of his head.

“Huh?” were his last words before by boots met his face and my head met a rock.

~ 3 minutes later ~

“Тьфу мой гребаный голову, что случилось?”

“Ahm sorry?” asked Applejack.

“What happened?”

“Ya beat up my brother then knocked yourself out with a rock.” Said Applejack flatly

“He was your brother?” I asked surprised.

“Yeah he was apparently trying to defend Applebloom, he wasn’t at the meeting”

“Good a reason as any I suppose, is he alright?”

“He’s waking up now.” Said Fluttershy.

“Hey Fluttershy you take care of cuddlesworth?” Surprised I haven’t ripped my stitches.

“Yes he’s back at my house.”

“Cool I’m gonna go talk to him, see if he calmed down any.” I said standing up. I could see a crowd

“Hey man you okay?”

“Eeyup.” Okay.

“I assume they told you ‘bout or else you’d be tryin’ to kick my ass again.” I said sitting down beside him.

“Sorry about that I thought you were gonna attack my sister.” A lot more talkative then I woulda thought.

“No need I woulda done the same thing. Friends?” Guy’s got balls to go up against something he knew nothing about to defend his sister.

“Eeyup.” Overusing’ it a bit aren’t ya.

“Hey you wanna drink?” I asked taking a sip from my bottle savoring the burn.

“Eeyup.” Handing him my bottle I saw him take a big gulp.

“Hmm not bad.”

“Yeah helps numb pain, you okay ya look a little tipsy it was only a gulp.” I did not take this one for a lightweight.

“Yeah I’ll be fine my head doesn’t hurt anymore.”

“Well mine does so give it back.”

I said taking it back and pulling a few more swigs before putting it back in my pocket. I kept thinking back to that Scootaloo kid and how sad she looked when I asked about her family, it reminded of the kids back home. A lot of their parents had been killed and they were stranded with nowhere to go. We couldn’t do anything but take them in, hell I was one of them. Maybe I could… no I don’t know shit. Although that’s never stopped me before.

“Hey are you okay?”

Looking up I saw the one I was just thinking about. I could see the pain in her eyes and she could see mine no matter how well someone hides it you will be able to see it in their eyes. A portal to the soul indeed. I could also see that everyone but the mane six and the crusaders were left. I wonder how long I’ve been sitting here.

“Yeah I’ll be fine just thinking.”

“About what?”

“Just some things, you need something?”

“Well we were wonderin’ why ya look so sad.” Said Applebloom as she walked over with Sweetie Belle.

“It’s somethin’ I’d rather not discuss. Hey I never did get to see your clubhouse.” I said trying to change the subject.

“Oh yeah, let’s go!” Said Scootaloo.

On our way there instead of zoning out again I took in the sights, it only took us about seven minutes to get to the farm and another three to get to where the clubhouse was.

“I must admit it looks nice.” I said ducking under the entrance. It was actually kinda roomy; at least compared to the outside.

“So what do ya wanna try?” asked Applebloom.

“Well how bout findin’ things?” This just an excuse for you to play hide and seek until you think of something good isn’t it? Yeah.

“Okay but what do we find?”

“Me.”

“So like hide and seek? That sounds pretty lame.”

“Not quite I won’t be staying still, I will be far ahead and will be leaving little hints and patterns if you find me you win. So kinda like it but a bit different. Also you only have an hour so don’t mess around.”

“Well when do we start.”

“Give me a five minute head start and then you come after me.” I said dropping my pack.

“You ready?”

“CUTIE MARK CRUSADER TRACKERS GO!” My tinnitus is only getting better.

“Alright, go!” I said running out the door and jumping over the banister to leave prints.

About every eight steps I would stamp the ground to leave a print, maybe a broken twig here and there. Looking at my watch I saw I had about that I had about thirty seconds left so I led it up to the top of the hill and climbed a tree and took a seat on a high branch.
I could see them leaving the club house it was a pretty good view. I started taking notes on how they searched. They weren’t the most observant as it took them five minutes to find the first track. After that though they fanned out a bit to find more tracks so that’s a bit better. Hearing a thump next to me I turned to see Rainbow Dash.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“This is my nap tree, what are you doing here?”

“Crusading.”

“Are you sure it looks like your just sitting here.”

“Yeah their trying to track me. So what’s up?”

“Aside from what happened thirty minutes ago not much, but that was so awesome I’ve never seen anypony do that before where’d you learn that?”

“Oh I didn’t learn that you just have to find different ways to escape when you can’t just run.”

“Huh, hey what were you thinking about earlier?”

“It’s not something I like to talk about.”

“Come on you can trust me.” I’m too tired to argue.

“Alright fine, I was thinking about Scootaloo.”

“You’re gonna have to give me more than that.”

“Well you know how she’s an orphan right?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, and don’t tell anyone else about this I don’t want them worried, but I lost my parents when I was about four and got taken in by the NRF. I know what it’s like to not have a family, it hurts man. There is very specific reason I didn’t like to talk about this because my parent’s death is what fuels most of my hate. That mixed with what happened to Chris caused me to be somewhat unstable in stressful environments and a bit trigger happy.”

“What does NRF stand for?” She asked confused and yet concerned at the same time

“The National Resistance Front. Back to what I was saying though, I know what it’s like and I was actually thinking that maybe I could adopt her but I have a lot going on right now I mean the whole just getting here thing, the fact that I’m leaving for Canterlot in a week to help train and rearm, the military. What do you think I should do?”

“Well I say you should go for it, I know the kid would appreciate it and hey you never know.”

“Thanks for the advice hey you wanna drink?” I asked pulling out the bottle from earlier. Might as well get some liquid courage.

“What is it?”

“Vodka.”

“Nah I’m more of a cider kind of pony.”

“I can respect that.”

“Hey Rush!” said a voice from below.

“Hmm?” I said looking down seeing the crusaders.

“Found you!”

“So you did.” I said jumping down.

I landed on the ground with a jump making the crusaders jump.

“Well, go ahead and check yourselves.”

“Anythin’?” asked Applebloom.

“No.” said a disheartened Scootaloo

“Seriously, none of you?” I asked.

“What about you?” said Sweetie Belle.

“Let me check.” I said looking behind me.

“Nope.”

“Hmm any other ideas?” asked Scootaloo

“I don’t think so, I’m getting tired.” I said, finally realizing everything I’d done today.

“We only did one thing!” Said Sweetie Belle.

“Wrong. You did one thing. I’ve tamed a bear, introduced myself to an entire town and a princess, and finally ran from your brother and got knocked out.”

“Hmm, I guess you could rest in the barn.” Said Applebloom after looking at the other two.

“Are you sure, I mean I wouldn’t want to intrude.” I really don’t want to leave my gear at the library and my backpack at the clubhouse.

“No it’s fine c’mon!” exclaimed Applebloom.

“You’re kinda pushin’ it.” I said.

“No she’s not let’s go.” Said Scootaloo.

“Okay seriously what is it?” I said stopping in front of the barn.

“What is what” Said Sweetie Belle, as Applebloom opened the door.

“You all really want me to sleep in that barn don’t ya?” I said walking into the darkness.

“Not exactly.”

“What?”

“SURPRISE!” Screamed what looked like everyone in the town.

Huh a surprise party. I haven’t been to one of these in a while. Hell most people were to scared to invite me.

“Well do you like it? Huh, huh do you?” Asked a hyped up Pinkie.

“Can’t remember the last time I’ve been to a party.”

“To tired to party, soldier boy?” Said Dash from behind.

“’I’ll party all night long if you don’t call me that.”

“So you like it?” Asked Pinkie again.

“Love it.”

“WOOHOO!” Screamed Pinkie.

“Alright lets party.” I said walking into the fray.