Philosophy of the Damned

After thanking everyone or everypony rather as I guess I should start calling it. Although they seemed to understand what I meant. Oh well there’s bound to be some idiot out there who won’t.

“Hey big guy, wanna drink?” asked a voice from behind.

“That depends is it alcoholic?” I asked.

“No, they only got punch.” Turning around I saw that he was a skinny orange pegasus pony with yellow hair that hurt my eyes.

“Yeah that’s fine. So what’s your name?” I asked following him over to the table with some food and drinks.

Damn, they really went all out, though I guess this party isn’t just for me.

“My name’s Sun Blair.” He said giving me my drink.

“The name suits you.” I replied sipping my punch.

“Yeah, I get that. So what was with the whispering on the stage with the princess?”

“I’m heading out to help train some of the troops up there.”

“Whoa man you move fast.”

“Yeah, well anyone could see how poorly trained they are.”

“Hey while, you’re up there say hi to my cousin Star Hunter.” Looking past I saw a light purple mare that was shakily making her way towards me.

“Sure, but who the hell is that?”

God she looks more wasted than you on New Years Eve.

“Oh boy, looks like Berry went off the wagon again. I’d advise you to watch yourself but I don’t really care.” At this point it was obvious she was coming to me.

“You said that they had no alcohol out.”

“They didn’t.”

“Yo big boy, I hear you’re something of a drinker.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“I Bet you fifty bits I can drink you under the table.”

“Hey Blair what are bits?”

“Money.”

“Alright well, I could use some cash, and I haven’t been completely drunk today so, okay.”

“Prepare to lose.” She said turning around.

“Whatever, you’re going down.” To say the least I was competitive.

“You poor arrogant bastard.”

“What?”

“She has won eight consecutive national drinking contests, and you just accepted a challenge to a drinking contest against her.”

“Hmm, yeah I got this.” I said confidently.

“Are you for real?” He asked laughing.

“You’re talking to the biggest drinker on my base.”

“Yeah well good luck. Because they already got it set up.”

“Seriously, what the hell?” I asked turning around.

“Pinkie bro.” That bitch is crazy.

“Hey Rush what are you doing.” Asked a confused Scootaloo.

“Uh, crusading.” I said lying through my teeth.

“Can we help?” Asked Sweetie Belle walking up with Applebloom.

“Actually you can be the referees.”

“CUTI-

“Ah, ah, ah my ears are still ringing from earlier.”

After watching them set up around the table I looked to see that there would be more competition than I thought. Sitting at the table was Rainbow, Applejack, Pinkie, Berry, and an open spot for me.

“Alright everypony have their shots?” Alright so having my future kid referee my drinking match not the most responsible thing.

“3…2…1…Drink!” yelled Scootaloo.

* 15 shots later *

I could see Rainbow getting tipsy, not surprising considering her body type. I wasn’t even close this was without a doubt THE weakest whiskey I had ever had. Yet it still maintained a nice flavor.

“You okay Rainbow?” I asked.

“Yeah I’m good, you?”

“I’m feelin’ pretty good.”

“Drink!” Yelled Scootaloo again

* 15 more shots later *

It might be worth noting that Pinkie and Applejack were getting really shaky and Rainbow was flat out drunk. Berry was still going strong.

* 30 fucking shots later *

Now not to be weird or anything but these were starting to look good, real good.
Also Rainbow had dropped out and came to sit by me for whatever reason, oh well got someone on my team. Pinkie as well as Applejack was going to drop out, it was pretty easy to see. Looking in the crowd I saw people put bets on who would win, apparently I had three to one odds. People were starting to chant my name.

* 10 shots later *

Both Pinkie and Applejack had dropped out and also sat by me, now it was just me and Berry.

“Hey, Wanna switch to something a bit harder?” I asked Berry with a little surprise in mind.

“I’d love to I’m tired of the weak stuff.”

“Alright next shots are from this.” I said pulling a flask out of my pocket for those times I really needed to get drunk.

“What is it.” Asked Berry confused.

“Patron.” I said flatly.

“Drink.” Said Applebloom, who had relieved Scootaloo.

After the first shot I saw Berry’s eyes open in surprise.

“Yeah it’s a lot stronger isn’t it, you prepared to give up yet?” I asked gloating.

“Never!”

Jesus how much longer can she go!

* 7 shots later *

*thud*

“Woohoo I wins!” I slurred grabbing the five silver bits off the table. This better be the right amount.

“Presentsh time!” yelled Pinkie still drunk.

“Woo presents for Scootaloo.” I yelled.

After they dragged another table filled with presents over, and Scootaloo had opened all of them including a new scooter, a teddy bear, and a new helmet to go with the new scooter. Even through all of this she still looked kinda sad, I figured this would be the best time. I mean when else am I gonna this drunk, her this sad, and to be like the greatest gift ever. Next year? I don’t know if I can wait that long. All this went through my head as I walked over to her.

As she looked up to me I saw this gleam in her eyes, hell she looked like she was about to cry. I can’t let that happen now can I?

“Hey kid.” I said as I kneeled down to her level.

“Yeah?” she asked, that shine about to spill over.

“Why don’t you come outside with me for a bit.” As much effort it took to speak clearly at this moment I had to do it.

“Okay.” She said following me out of the barn. Once we were outside I had to ask that all important question.

“So, what’s got you so down?” I asked knowing the answer.

“Nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me kid. It wouldn’t take a therapist to see this.”

“It’s just that this is the seventh year without my parents.”’

“What happened to them?”

“My dad left my mom, and she died giving birth.”

“Alright, well kid I’ve run this through my head a couple times.”

“What?” Whelp here goes.

“How would you like it, if I were to adopt you?”

“Huh, r-really?!” Oh thank god I don’t handle rejection well.

“Yes, but it’s your decision whether to spread it around or keep it to yourself.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” she said crying and jumping into my arms.

“Hey guysh you are missing cake!” said a still inebriated Pinkie who was surprisingly mellow.

“Alright we’ll be there in a bit.” I said wanting to get an answer to my question.

“So what’ll it be, now or later?”

“Well, family appreciation day is in two weeks.” This is going to play out interestingly.

“I’m going to be training in Canterlot that week, but I think I can make an entrance.” I said thinking I would have to cancel on Cheerilee.

“Thanks.” She said giving me one last hug before jumping off of me.

“Alright you should know though I won’t be here for two weeks after Friday, do you have anywhere you can stay or do you wanna come with me?”

“I might be able to stay at Applebloom’s for a week.”

“Alright otherwise while I’m still here, wanna stay with me at the library with Twilight?” I asked wondering how she would feel about having another guest to share her house with.

“Nah I want it to be a really big surprise, people might suspect something if I go home with you.”

“Alright if you’re sure. Let’s head back in before people wonder what happened.”

As I got up I felt a new sense watch over me, I hadn’t felt it before but I liked it. I suppose it could be from becoming a father, or it could be from being buzzed. I’ll find out in the morning. As we walked in I could just feel her beaming behind me. I went over to the drink table and had a couple more shots of patron to send me over the line, I was tired of being able to think or talk at all clearly.

Turning around I saw Applejack, Dash, and Pinkie walking towards me with what I guessed was a peculiar look on their faces, hard to tell with the double vision and all.

“Hey soldier boy, we wants to show you something, let’s go up to the loft and check it out.” Said Dash

“Alright then let’s go.”

“Come on it’s over here.” Said Applejack leading me to a back part of the barn where there was a small single person pull elevator. After having gotten Applejack and Pinkie up there, I pulled myself up there. Rainbow had just flown and was waiting for us.

“So what did you wan- oof.” I said being pushed down into a pile of hay.

“Why don’t you blow a load off partner’.” Said Applejack closing in with the others.

“Oh boy.” I said laying down accepting my fate.