Author's Note

Dramatic reading of this chapter (by me) can be found here: Chapter One, Son

...And So it Begins

A New Element
by BattleSwine

The hallways of Sanctum, the inner chambers of Tartarus, the very heart of evil itself. The halls looked as if they hadn't been graced by a living creature in centuries. Suddenly, at the end of the hallway, a door opened, and seemingly by themselves, the torches sprang to life, breaking the silence. A small figure materialized out of the darkness, skittered through the hall, tripped over something unseen with a small squeak, crawled to it's feet and resumed it's scuttling. It reached the end of the hall, and the door opened on its own accord.

` As the figure exited, the torches flickered out, and the hallway resumed its ancient silence.

The door to the chamber opened and the tiny frame of Deceit stumbled in, breathing hard, as if he had run a long ways. It was all for show, of course, trying to appear small and weak. But, then again, he was the Spirit of Lies and Deception. It was his job.

A massive cauldron full of phosphorescent green liquid, the only source of light, stood in the center of the chamber. There was a medium-sized female draconequus hovering above it, bathed in it's luminescence. Two other figures sat outside of the glow's reach, a large one sitting on a throne, and a thin one hunched over what appeared to be a pile of stones.

"Ahh, dear Brother, quite nice of you to join us," His sister Cruelty's singsong purr greeted him. "We were just getting started. How has Equestria been in our absence? It can't have changed too much, we've only been gone for a few millennia."

She paused, and her feline face hardened. "You've been gone for millennia. You were supposed to report back if something of importance happened. You can't tell me that nothing happened in the three thousand years since we were forced from our thrones to skulk in this dreadful pit!"

She landed daintily and kicked a rock at the wall. It ricocheted off and rolled to the feet of the hunched figure, who promptly collected it and added it to the already enormous pile of rocks it sat upon.

"As a matter of fact, I could tell you that. I could tell you that nothing at all happened since Discord was encased in stone and us left to rot in Tartarus. That statement would be truth." The Spirit of Lies ran a forked tongue over his scaly lips. "But, if I said that Discord was NOT recently freed from his prison, did NOT attempt a coup on Equestria, only to NOT get foiled by the Elements of Harmony once again, THAT would be a lie."

At this, yet another figure revealed itself from the gloom. It stood slowly from a throne carved from solid rock, chiseled painstakingly with bare claws over the course of a thousand years, simply out of boredom. Despair turned to her brother and sister.

"If that is the case, then we must accelerate our plans. Cruelty-"

"Hold on, I think I missed a step," Deceit interrupted. "Plans?"

"Yes. If what you said is correct, then, we will be able to completely skip Step One, and proceed with Step Two. Cruelty, send word to the Changelings, we may be in need of their services soon." Despair padded up to the luminous green cauldron. It glowed brighter in her presence. She began to stir it with a talon, and images swirled in its depths. After a few seconds of silent stirring, she settled on a single picture. "Ah. He's perfect. Strong, handsome, and he won't ask too many questions."

"I'm back, shall we begin?" Cruelty chimed in, returning before anypony realized she had left.

"So we shall," Despair concurred.

"Okay, but I still don't know what we're doing." Deceit reluctantly agreed.

"Soon, Equestria will be ours once again." Greed put in, finally turning away from his impressive rock collection to contribute. The four draconequi gathered in a circle around the cauldron, which began to glow with a blinding whitish-green light, humming audibly. They all held out a single hand, paw, or claw over the image in the center.

An image of another world.

In unison, they all snapped their fingers, once.

The sound echoed through the chambers of Tartarus like a thunderclap.

. . .

Mmmh. Hmmh. What? Oh. OW.

I awoke with a pounding headache, literally pounding. Every beat of my heart pressed a hot iron against my forehead, right between my eyes. I sat up with a groan. Quit whining, John. You're used to this. Take stock, collect your thoughts. Question one: Where are you?

It looked pretty early; the sun was just barely rearing its ugly head over the horizon. I was in a small room, with a window. In a pink heart-shaped bed. There was alot of pink. Pink walls, pink carpet, pink furniture, pink sheets. Pink hair. Yup. A small head of pink curly hair emerged from the covers beside me, silhouetted by the rising sun, obscuring the owner's face.

Alright, a one night stand, that was a reasonable explanation. I got piss-drunk at some club, found some equally piss-drunk chick, she took me home, we had sex. It had happened dozens of times before. Judging from the pink locks, she might be a stripper, or maybe, Morgan Freeman forbid, a hooker.

Hmm. Probably not a hooker. For one, I wasn't that desperate. For two, a hooker wouldn't have stuck around after I payed her. Three, I was in someone's house. Hookers don't have houses, they live in brothels or something.

Ok, so it was definitely a stripper. Which meant I wasn't paying for it. Maybe if I played my cards right, I could get a Round Two from this. Alright, John, play it smooth. Be affectionate. Chicks love that romantic crap. Closing my eyes against the partially-obscured sun's brilliance, I leaned across the bed and whispered breathily in her ear, "Good morning, Beautiful."

I felt a slight tremor in the bed as she awoke at the sound of my voice. Then I kissed her on the cheek.
Instead of the soft skin I expected, I felt the impression of short, downy hair against my lips. Dear God, if I slept with a dude, I'm going to kill myself with a flathead shovel.

I slowly opened my still sleep-encrusted eyes. Instead of one of the two options I had envisioned; A hot stripper whose face-obscuring hair I had kissed, or a large bear of a man whose soft stubble I connected lips with, I was greeted by something else.

Something not human.

A large, curly head of pink hair. A soft pink coat. Dainty little hooves pulling the sheets up to a too-long neck. A short muzzle that was curled into a crooked smile. It was the spawn of Satan himself.

Suddenly, its cartoonishly massive eyes shot open with an audible snap. It turned it's head slowly to regard me with giant, baby-blue orbs.

We both screamed at the same time.

I flew about three feet in the air, bringing the covers with me. We both landed in a heap on the floor, unveiling the creature in full splendor. It jumped to its feet so it stood on all fours on the bed.

No, not feet. Hooves. Now that it was fully revealed, I recognized the creature to be some sort of tiny horse, only standing to about my mid-chest. But it was PINK! And now it was talking! Or, more specifically, shouting, down the stairs to someone named Cake.

"Mr. Cake! He's climbin' in my window! He's trying to snatch me up! He's tryin' to rape me!" It screeched, in about half the time it probably took you to read that.

While said equine had its one-sided shouting math with the elusive Mister Cake, I was attempting to gather my shit for a hasty retreat. Shirt. Pants. Belt. Shoes/socks. Jacket. Goddamnit, where the hell were my BOXERS?

Forsaking my undergarments in favor of speed, I yanked my pants on. Looks like I was going commando for now. I was about to throw my shirt on when something struck me from behind and latched on, prompting the mini-horse to cheer, "Yeah, get'um Gummy!"

On instinct I reached back and yanked it off with a sickly pop. What I held in my hand by the tail appeared to be a tiny, toothless alligator. Not wanting to hurt it, I tossed it lightly onto the bed with the horse. I pulled my shirt on, grabbed my jacket and dashed for the stairs.

When I got to them, however, I cracked my head against the low door-frame, misjudged the placement of my feet on the too-small steps, and then proceeded to roll head-over-heels down the staircase. By the time I got to the bottom, my headache was considerably worse. I landed sprawled out on my back.

A second horse, this one yellow and a bit taller and thinner, stood over me menacingly. He carried what appeared to be a baseball bat in his teeth and was wearing striped red and white pajamas, of all things.

"Dear Celestia! Pinkie, what the hay is this thing!?" He called, his voice a bit muffled by the bat in his mouth.

"Y'all better hide your kids, hide your wife! Hide your kids, hide your wife! He's rapin' everypony out there!" She replied.

"What the hell is going on!?" I asked, quite reasonably, as I climbed to my feet, still unsteady.

"It talks!" The pink horse, whom I must assume was Pinkie, exclaimed from the top of the stairs.

"Why are we yelling!?" The gangly horse, who I had to assume was Mr. Cake, inquired through his mouthful of bat.

Before I could hear the pink one's answer, I stumbled to the door, and yanked it open with a pleasant ding. I only looked back for a second, and then, in my haste, promptly slammed my face into the low door frame, my forward momentum sending every part of my body but my head out the door. I fell on my back, knocking the wind out of me.

After a few seconds, my vision cleared just enough to make out the hazy, concerned faces of Pinkie and Cake. The ringing in my ears subsided, and I could hear a high-pitched creaking noise, like the squeaking of hinges. Hinges.

"Aw, fuck."

I finally blacked out when the heavy wooden door slammed on my head.

. . .

For some reason, I woke up in the hospital. Last night must have been crazier than I thought. Whatever painkillers they they were giving me were intense, fuckin' pink ponies and shit, I must have been out of it. The bed seemed a little too small, and I wasn't hooked up to anything, but I had a thick gauze bandage over my forehead. They probably didn't even know I was awake.

"Nurse?" I called out tentatively.

This prompted a rhythmic clacking down the hall, high heels. Hot nurse, hot nurse, hot nurse, hot nurse... I prayed silently. As the clicking got closer, I took the opportunity to examine my memories.

For some reason I still couldn't figure out what happened last night, just hazy details. And that dream was throwing me off, too. It was so vivid. I was watching too many cartoons, if I was seeing the characters in my sleep. But those cute, pastel-colored characters were one of the few innocent things left in my life. I relished those days when I could just sit around and watch their shenanigans over a bowl of cereal or a bag of chips, forget about all my problems and pour what's left of my soul into that perfect little world.

But, in the end, it was always short-lived. Reality always checked in and I would have to remember that I will never be as happy as those little figures in the screen. In a cartoon, problems resolve themselves in an episode or two, in reality, they lasted for years. In a cartoon, no one ever dies, families never split up, they love and laugh and sing songs.

In a cartoon, anything was possible, in reality... not so much.

Speaking of the impossible, what happened next would stretch my definition of the word. The clacking of heels drew closer, and eventually something entered. I'll give you three guesses what it was. A hot nurse? Nope. A friendly doctor? Guess again. A mildly creepy orderly? Sorry, better luck next time. The correct answer was:

A fucking horse.

In a fucking nurses cap.

If I wasn't confused before, I was now. I stood gaping at the white horse for what seemed like minutes, it attempted to get my attention, but I wasn't ready yet, so it just shifted awkwardly while it waited for me to snap out of it. Eventually, I shook my head and sighed, "Goddammit."

That basically summed up the situation and my feelings on it. I had been in more than a few bad situations, and eventually you just need to stop fighting and try to wait out the storm, accept what comes. "Alright, spit it out. I know you can talk."

The nurse regained it's composure. "Oh, good. I was worried you had gone into shock." I had to assume it was female.

"I did, for a second, there."

She nodded, and continued, "Not surprising, considering what you've been through. When Mr. Cake brought you in, Pinkie Pie was practically in hysterics, raving about how you tried to rape her."

I saw her curiosity war with her professionalism. Apparently curiosity won.

"What was that all about, anyway? Don't worry, doctor-patient confidentiality." She brought a hoof to her lips and made a zipping motion across them, then flicked it like she was throwing the zipper away.

"The pink one? I don't remember much, but I assure you that I did nothing sexual with said pink one."

"Oh, good. If you had, I think a few of the stallions around here would have had a few words for you. She's quite a character. Very likable." She looked at the clipboard hanging on the end of my uncomfortable mini-horse bed. "Now that you're awake, maybe we can fill a few holes in your information. Now, we know that you're a Minotaur, but-"

I interrupted her "Hold up, I'm a what, now?"

"A Minotaur. That's the only naturally bipedal species we know of, and you're obviously a biped. Maybe the concussion was worse than we thought. We don't know what happened to your horns or the hair on your chest." She ran her eyes over my features. "Or your face. No offense."

"I'm not a Minotaur. I'm a human. I'm also supposed to look like this, thank you very much." As an attempt to preserve my sanity, I had removed the barriers around my psyche, making me open-minded in the broadest sense. I was open to anything they could throw at me. Just who they were, I was still trying to figure out.

"A Hew-min? I'm not familiar with that species. That explains a lot, though. Lack of horns, your legs..." She trailed off, then said uncertainly, "I'm Nurse Redheart by the way. I guess we should do a medical analysis or something. As far as I know, we don't have any files on Hew-mins. And I don't see any reason why we shouldn't fill out this clipboard right."

"Humans. There's no pause in there." I corrected her, then answered, "I guess you should. I'm feeling a little better. " I was trying to ignore that she was a horse and focus on the talking part. My mind was hanging by a thread. I closed my eyes and focused on her voice, replacing her tiny horse with a hot nurse. Yeeaahh, that's better. Now, answer the nice nurses questions. "Alright, shoot."

A few questions in, it was apparent that she was not used to this new species thing, I'm sure she was a good doctor, normally, but when it came to the unknown, she was feeling in the dark.

When I couldn't tell her my 'Leyic count,' she cried out in exasperation, "I'm not getting paid enough for this research stuff! I'm not Twilight Sparkle!"

At this she smiled. "I'm not Twilight Sparkle. Ooh, she's gonna love you! She really enjoys researching new things! You just sit tight, I'll have Derpy send a letter right away!"

I opened my eyes just in time to see the little white horse dashing out of the hospital room.

"What?"