Dirty Mike, (not Mike Salem, two different people) as he preferred to call himself, pulled the final stool off the bar and sighed happily. He'd made a killing last night. And the night before that. And the night before that, too. It seems that as the world fell apart, a man had only one true friend: Alcohol.

Which Dirty Mike was happy to provide.

Don't get the wrong idea, the bartender was not a sadistic man, or even a greedy one. Quite the opposite, in these trying times, his honesty, generosity, and wisdom marked him as an upstanding member of the community. He was always one to call a taxi for someone too drunk to drive, or dish out a little friendly advice to someone who needed it.

He was just sitting down to have a cigarette when there was a knock on the front door. He chuckled at his own expense. "Figures, just as I'm opening up."

He heaved himself up tiredly and answered the door. Now, Mike was a worldly man, he'd been to six countries, and every state but Texas, but none of that could have prepared him for what was behind that door.

She was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. He had to resist the urge to fall to his knees before her.

He regained his composure when a redheaded man stepped in front of her. He spoke with a soft Scottish accent. "Easy, Èbène, don't give him a heart attack."

The most noticeable feature about this man was his strange yellow eyes. He stepped in between Dirty Mike and the beautiful woman. "Sorry about Èbène, matey, she has that effect on people. We were expected, yeah?"

"Um, not exactly, no." Mike shook his head. "I don't know who either of you are."

"We're friends of Sebastian's and John's. You could say that we're a 'group'. If Sebastian isn't already here, he'll be soon." Mike decided to roll with that and let them pass.

"Well, then, can I get either of you a drink?"

"Ooh, do you have any wine?"

A few minutes later, there was another knock on the door. When Mike opened it, he was greeted by a floating Subway sandwich.

Like, literally, it was a goddamn sandwich, and it was fucking floating.

"Anata no ki o, watashi ni demashou! Watashi wa koko ni watashi no natto o ofu ni tōketsu shite imasu!" The sandwich swore at him before brushing past into the room.

Sebastian followed soon after, scolding it. "Ekō! Watashi wa watashi ga saisho ni iku yō ni anata ni itta! Anata wa, Maikeru no shinzō hossa o ataeru!"

He stopped and patted Mike on the shoulder. "It is good to see you, Michael. You will have to forgive my friend, he isn't good with people."

"The sandwich?"

"No, the guy holding it. His presence in a room tends to go unnoticed."

"You mean there's an invisible guy holding the sandwich?"

"Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying."

"I need a drink."

"Good idea."

Several drinks later, Mike had settled down enough to talk. "Now, can someone please tell me what in God's name is going on?"

"In good time, Michael, but first things are first. You were the last person to see John before he disappeared, ja?"

"Um, yeah...? Where are you going with this, Seb?"

"Don't worry, Michael, I'm not accusing you, I'm just trying to figure out where he went."

Mike rubbed his chubby, stubbled cheeks. "Listen, man, all I remember is that he went into the back room with some chick and never came out. Me and Mike went in there earlier today, and all we could find a bunch of burn marks and a pair of torched underpants."

"Hmm, intriguing. Do you mind if we see?" Sebastian rubbed his chin before heading to the back room without waiting for permission. He opened the door to the back room and turned to his comrades.

"What happened?" He asked them simply.

Èbène stepped forward. She sniffed the air daintily. "He was drunk... and aroused. The woman he was with did not feel the same. She smells disgusted. Her pheromones smell... wrong. Old and fake. She definitely wasn't human, but she was trying to be."

Sebastian turned to his former lover. "How about you, Donovan?"

The Sixth closed his eyes and concentrated. "John was spiteful. He's been hurt too many times. He was not driven by passion or love. The woman's mind was ancient and... very cruel. She needed John to carry out some sort of plan, but she didn't like it."

He walked to the bed. "There is residue of Meridian travel here. She brought him somewhere very far away, too far away for me to see. She left his underwear as a link. I need them."

Donovan held out his hand for the charred clothing. Mike went to get them from where he'd left them earlier today. He handed them to the Scot. He scrunched them in a fist. "I can see him... far away... a... a place... "

Donovan's eyes shot open and he fell backward. Sebastian caught him as he continued to speak. "Rex nostra semitam pavimentabit. Sinito omnes homines gaudeant."

His eyes closed and he went limp. Sebastian laid him down and translated. "The King will pave our way. Let all mankind rejoice. But who claimed him, the Serpent or the Dove?"

Mike felt the cigarette being plucked from his mouth. It floated across the room and stubbed itself against the wall above the cot, igniting hidden fuel. The dark room brightened as an image of a draconequus burned itself across the plaster.

"Hebi." Echo said.

Mike snapped out of it, yelped, and fetched a fire extinguisher. After that, he needed another drink. Sebastian didn't even let bother himself by asking this time.

"Michael, there are things in this world you do not understand, would not understand, even if I explained them to you in great detail. All I ask is that you trust me, as a friend, and as a fellow human being when I say: John is alive and well, and you will see him again. Can you do that for me?"

"Seb, I trust you to hell and back, you know that." The bartender sighed deeply. "If there's such a thing as a honorable man on God's green earth, you're him, and if there's anything I can do to help you out, all you have to do is ask."

"Dank u, Michael. It is a shame that sort of trust is so hard to find these days." Sebastian took a long drag of his pipe, before pulling a stack of pamphlets from beneath his coat. "As a matter of fact, there is something you could do for me. Would you pass these out to your patrons, please?"

Mike flipped through one of them and raised an eyebrow. "Are you starting a cult?"

. . .

"Alright, so the white one is Celestia, she's older and controls the sun, and the blue one is Luna, she controls the moon."

"Yes, it isn't that difficult."

"Easy for you to say, especially since they both tried to kill me before saying a single word to me. It's all starting to blur together into a mindless mash of violence." I absentmindedly reached for my cigarettes before remembering I ran out. Yet another great addition to what was turning out to be one of the worst days of my life.

"Then you should feel right at home."

"Excuse me?"

"I can see it in your eyes, and in the way you fight. Conflict has stained you in ways that will never wash out. Which makes you perfect for what the princesses have in mind."

"And what, pray tell, is that?"

"Why don't you ask them yourself?"

Pep-the-But and I rounded the bend into the train station where I'd arrived in the city I now knew as (shudder) Canterlot. The princesses seemed to be cleaning up the mess that Luna and I had made. And what a mess it was.

The train car had been returned to the track, but that couldn't disguise the giant, ice-encrusted hole in its side. There were massive gouges in the earth almost a quarter mile to the side of the track where Luna had thrown the car with me inside, as well as a twenty-foot crater where she'd violently detonated me off of her. The fountain was obliterated and many of the surrounding buildings had scorch marks.

"Well, Luna, you sure know how to show a guy a good time. We'll have to do this again." I grinned as both alicorns started and whipped around. Nice to know that they could be snuck up on.

Luna gained an expression of deep suspicion, while Celestia wore one of more subdued curiosity. Luna didn't seem ready to speak yet, so Celestia was the one who greeted him. "Hello, John. We were just talking about you."

"Good things, I hope."

She gave her sister a look I couldn't read, then Luna answered, "The best. Would you walk with us?"

I nodded and followed as they turned away, the cleanup job apparently left to less important ponies. We walked for quite a while without saying anything, the princesses in front of me, Peppermint behind. I took this as an opportunity to admire the city of (shudder) Canterlot. Freaking renaissance architecture. It appeared to be a lot more regal and castle-y than Ponyville. The palace or whatever appeared to be in the center of the city which was... hanging off a mountain.

"Uh, Princess?" I was having trouble thinking of a degrading nickname for her, so for now, I'll just use that. "My null-magic field isn't going to like, shut down the magic holding the city up or anything, will it?"

Luna snorted condescendingly. "Ridiculous."

"Wasn't talking to you, Moon Pie."

"Luna, be nice." Celestia turned her neck to face me, still walking. "Exactly how much knowledge of the interactions between our kind do you have, John?"

"Only what I could glean from a Saturday morning children's cartoon."

"..."

"Which is to say, if you'd asked me two days ago, I would reply, 'Magic ponies don't exist.'"

"Ah." She said simply. "To answer your question, no, the platform the city rests on, and the city itself to some extent, was constructed without the use of magic. Even if it wasn't, I doubt a single human has enough null-magic to topple it."

"Hmm. I hope I'll get the whole story of that sometime."

"You will, John. You have a right to know. I don't know why you were not taught of our history, but I do know that I do not teach it to my subjects for a very good reason. And you should be glad I do not, or they would react to you with overwhelming hostility rather than measured curiosity."

We entered the palace without fanfare, and the blue-maned pony who'd greeted me when I'd stepped off the train bowed to the princesses and glared at me. "I take it we won't be needing the dungeons?"

Celestia shook her head. "Not at the moment, no."

Luna frowned. "But it's always good to be prepared."

I held out my hand to shake. "I don't think we've been introduced, I'm John, and contrary to popular belief, I haven't tried to kill anyone since I got here."

The pony grunted and shook it. "Shining Armor, Captain of the Guard. I believe you put one of my best pegasi in the psych ward."

"Did I really scare him that bad?" I briefly recalled grabbing a pegasus by the throat and telling him to fuck off. I could have done worse, given the circumstances. "Well, I can't be punished for the fallacies of pussies."

Shining Armor grunted again, still glaring at me. Peppermint nudged him with a hoof and jerked his head toward a door. When he didn't take the hint, he cleared his throat. "Captain, I'm sure that the Princesses and John have much to talk about. Shall we find other business to attend to?"

The Captain nodded wordlessly and followed the butler through one of the big doors, leaving me alone with the princesses.

I grinned. "I don't think he likes me very much."

Luna snorted again, not very princesslike, this one. "He's not the only one."

"Luna. Be. Nice." Celestia got right to business. "John, in order to understand what I'm about to tell you, you must forget whatever you've been told about where Humans come from."

"Cel, unlike most people who try to preach that they know all that human origin bullshit, I get the weird feeling that you were there. Just tell me what I need to know."

She motioned for us to begin walking again. "Roughly fifteen thousand years ago, a massive meteorite struck Eden near the place you now call Ponyville. At the time, very large amounts of this area were untamed wilderness. It took nearly fifteen years for your kind and mine to finally make contact, and by that time, the Humans had built a small, feudal community, and the vegetation they'd brought with them had grown out of control. This vegetation would eventually become the Everfree forest, and their buildings would become the ruins within."

"My mother, Univera, was the one who made first contact. We embraced your kind with open hooves, and the races of Eden rejoiced to welcome a new culture to our planet. You were a powerful and honorable race, and your ruler, King Paterex, was a good man. I remember when I first met him, he smiled and said I was cute. I was a child, then, and Luna hadn't been born.

"Paterex had a wife named Feragina, and four children. The eldest son, Fraterlex, the elder sister, Sororeverax, the younger son, Fratermutis, and the younger daughter, Sororivita. They simply called themselves Royals, and they were to the Human race what Alicorns are to Ponykind; Leaders, guardians, and teachers.

"Under their leadership, Humans expanded quickly and soon outgrew the Everfree, so the Crystal Guardians of the the north used their magic to create a new continent in the Eastern Sea. They named it New Huma, after their home planet. They spent millenia there in peace, perfecting their own magics, maturing their culture, and expanding their friendships.

"Then, one day, trade between our nations stopped. A military blockade shut down all communication from New Huma to the outside world. Soon after, Human troops invaded the Crystal Empire. The Guardians fought bravely and to the last one standing, but the humans were too strong, and in too great of numbers. Their advanced technology more than made up for what few weaknesses they had.

"And so began the longest and bloodiest war that Eden has ever seen. We didn't know what prompted the attack at the time, but Eden was in a golden age, and none of us were ready for it. With the Crystal Guardians decimated, our strongest military defense was gone. After that, the Humans marched upon the Sussian Expanse, driving the Boarock into hiding. When they reached the Cervian Forest, they found it empty, the Wisp Deer seemingly disappeared into thin air.

"After months of destruction, the extinction of dozens of cultures and species, all that was left was Equestria. It was then that the reason behind the attacks was finally brought to light: Queen Feragina had been murdered, and her children seemed to think that it was the fault of the non-human species, that they had been responsible for their mothers death. The King, in his grief, had locked himself away in his castle, allowing his children to rage across the landscape of Eden, unopposed."

We stopped walking. Celestia hung her head, and I could feel the weight of her grief like a chill in the air. "One by one, they killed them all. My father, my brothers, my older sister, and finally my mother, who sacrificed herself hiding Luna and I from the Human's wrath. "

I noticed where we had walked clear through the castle and into a garden of some sort. I sat down on a bench near yet another fountain. Its bubbling filled the air for nearly half a minute as neither I nor the princesses said anything. For once, I didn't know what to say. She cleared her throat and continued.

"I was not in a good position. Human forces now occupied Canterlot, my people were being systematically slaughtered by the thousands, and I had an infant sister to take care of. But now, I wielded the same weapon that my enemy did: Anger that burned with the fire of the sun, fueled by a grief deeper than the ocean. I rallied the last of Equestria's military, and with the help of a double agent, I attacked strategic Human settlements and checkpoints, whittling them down, year by year, little by little, until finally, the Solar Guard stormed Canterlot, allowing me to finally destroy the monsters who killed my family.

"When Paterex received the news of his children's deaths, he contacted me and begged me to kill him as well. I refused. I believed there to be no more fitting punishment for his neglect than to feel the same pain I did, living forever burdened by the pain of losing his family in his heart. I told him to gather his people and leave Eden forever. He did as I asked. He built a portal and left, taking his beaten and broken people with him. He did not say goodbye, or where he was going, or even apologize. He just left."

She looked at me, her face unreadable, gauging my reaction.

I stood and approached her.

I looked her in the eye.

I wrapped my arms around her,

and gave her a hug.

"I'm sorry."

Author's Note

Michael is a rather common name. I personally know three Michaels.

There, now that we've got all that exposition out of the way, we can finally start doing shit, I promise. Also, I've been thinking of doing a "Dramatic Reading" or whatever the hell they call it for this story. People always tell me I have a good voice. But I'd hate to go through the trouble and not have anyone listen to it. Give me your thoughts in the comments.