"I'm sorry. I know what it's like to lose the people that you love like that. What it's like to be a child, and then suddenly have to grow up. I know what it's like, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy."

"Thank you, John." Celestia said, wrapping a hoof around him. "If you'd asked me a few millennia ago if I would willingly embrace a Human, I'd have thrown you in the dungeon."

"...Can we stop, now?"

"Yes, please."

John broke the hug and cleared his throat loudly. "So, now what?"

"I've been alluding to this task all day, and the time has come to finally reveal it to you." She cleared her throat as well, before entering the hedge maze, motioning for John and her sister to follow. "When the Humans occupied my country, they built large, underground bunkers to fall back into in the event of an insurrection. These bunkers were protected by stange fields that caused great pain to any magical being that tried to enter, as well as internal defenses should the fields fail. Over time, these bunkers fell into disrepair, and their defenses did exactly that, allowing us to salvage the technology within. Upon further investigation, many of the bunkers revealed various machines and apparatuses that would allow the humans to live within them for a very long time, even if they were cut off from all outside resources, including oxygen. I suspect that this is how the original colonists survived when their home planet was... compromised."

We were deep in the maze, now. It hit me that if Celestia and Luna flew away, I might not be able to find my way out. "You may not realize, but you stand upon an ancient battlefield, the last battlefield of the Human War. The blood, Human and Pony alike, is too thick here for even time to wash away. So, I cultivated this maze, and now, I use it to hide my kingdom's greatest secrets. Among these secrets, I hid the remains of the Human race." They came to a wall of leaves. The princess tapped her hoof, and it parted before her.

It opened into a peaceful clearing. It was circular, and at the center was a statue bearing four statues. Celestia gestured widely. "It was in this clearing that I vanquished your kinds last protectors. Their immortal weapons still lie here, waiting to be claimed."

John had stopped listening. He moved to the base of the statues. His eyes seemed to be drawn to Fraterlex in particular.

Noticing this, Luna spoke up. "What is it, John?"

John studied Fraterlex's face for another moment before speaking. "He looks like me."

The princesses paused for a moment, studying the statue as well. They gasped in unison when they realized that John and the firstborn prince were mirror images of each other. Disregarding the fuller beard, longer hair, and different clothes, the lines in their face and the broadness of their shoulders were exactly the same.

John reached into his jacket for something, only to find it not there. "Fuck. So, what does this mean? I mean, these statues are accurate, right? Because the other dude looks like Mike, and the chick with the axe looks like Ari. The chick with the shovel..."

His eyes squinted before he frowned. "The girl from the dream."

The princesses looked at each other. Celestia turned and headed in the other direction. "Follow me. You may explain as we walk."

John nodded his head, his brow furrowing as he loped after her. "Well, Mike is my little brother, he's four years younger than me, and Ari is his wife. They got married... six months ago, now? As for the other girl... I've never seen her before in my life, but I dreamed about her last night. Was that shit prophetic? A glimpse into the future or whatever?"

Luna spoke up. "There is power in dreams, John, but the dreams of man are not my domain. You will have to interpret it for yourself."

"In other words, 'Fuck if I know'." John pondered this for a moment. "So what do you think me being the reincarnation of Conan the Barbarian over here means?"

Celestia pondered that for a moment. "I believe it means exactly that, you are the reincarnation of, if perhaps not Fraterlex then one of the other Royals. The only way to confirm it is if you were to attempt to wield one of the Orbis Vulgate, the World Tools. Which one you wield, would depend on you."

"Well, then, let's not keep ourselves in suspense." He made a shooing motion with his hands. "Follow the pretty pony."

Brushing off the compliment, Celestia led him to a separate clearing. She started as she remembered something, and turned to the Human following her. "I must warn you, John, you will not like what you see here. When the Royal children died... it did not make for an attractive scene, and for reasons you will see, their corpses could not be disposed of properly. You must understand that..."

She trailed off as John brushed past her into the clearing.

. . .

Celly talks a lot. I brushed past her into the clearing. There were a few different coloured... orbs, or spheres, scattered about. Four of them, about thirty feet in diameter. I wasn't close enough to get a very good look at any of them.

Celly piped up. "The way I understood it, Humans have been around for a very long time, hundreds of thousands of years. Their civilization has risen and crumbled more times than they could count, their has history been erased and rewritten dozens of times over. During the time of peace before the Human Wars, I was told that the Vulgate were ancient tools of unimaginable power, crafted by a Human civilization even older and more advanced than the one that appeared on Eden. I don't know exactly how many there were, but I do know that the most powerful of them all were wielded by the Royals."

We approached the closest sphere. It was transparent, so I could see inside. When I did, my heart skipped a beat and I couldn't breathe. Then I was hyperventilating, and my pulse was too loud in my ears.

Frozen inside the sphere, eyes open in surprise, both arms torn off and a gaping hole in his chest, was my little brother.

Except it wasn't. My brother is very distinctive. Some found his silver hair and flat black eyes repelling, others found them appealing, but the corpse in front of me had neither. His hair was a mossy greenish-grey, and his eyes were a bright purple. In addition, he sported a short, triangular beard at the tip of his chin, whereas Mike kept himself clean-shaven.

"I assure you, this is the worst of it, John. The other three are not nearly as recognizable."

I caught my breath, in too much emotional shock even to speak. Finally, I swallowed. "Who was he?"

Celestia moved next to me, her presence comforting, despite the fact that I knew she was the one who'd killed this man. She described him with a slight reverence, the way a warrior speaks of a respected adversary. "Before you lie the remains of Fratermutis, the avatar of death and change. He wielded Temparic, the Warpscythe, said to have been forged from a shred of the very fabric of the universe. Temparic imbued its master with power over space and time. When I killed him, the scythe projected some sort of time-freezing spell. Only the one worthy of wielding the Warpscythe can break it."

I took the hint. There was a visible barrier between the frozen time and the moving time outside. I reached out to touch it. It was solid.

"That only makes sense." I muttered to myself. The matter in the sphere was frozen in time, as at rest as physically possible. And objects at rest, stay that way. I wasn't getting at that scythe without breaking the force field first, and that wasn't happening. I spoke a little louder. "Well, girls, I don't think that's me. I never liked scythes as weapons, anyway. Too long and artsy."

"The vulgate weren't intended to be weapons, John. They are tools, how they are used depends on who's using them."

I pondered this as I tried to break through the impenetrable wall of foliage protecting Sororivita and her Lifecleaver, AKA Vitaxe. Every time I tried to break through the thick sphere of plants, it would grow back thicker. After a minute or two, I gave up. I'm just glad I didn't have to see the body. I love my sister-in-law as much as I love my brother. Seeing two dead relatives in one day? No fun.

I plucked a few thorns from my hands. "I guess that one isn't mine, either."

"No offense meant, John, but you don't seem like an avatar of birth and growth."

We came to the wall of white fire that protected Sororeverax and her Trutrum, Candorax. I stuck my hand through the field without a problem, but when I pulled it out, it was burnt red and the skin was peeling. "Alright, well, I'm not going in there."

That only left Gravic, the Fallhammer. Celestia seemed to have thrown Fraterlex into a cliff face, collapsing it on top of him. I clambered over a large chunk of rock. In the center of the collapse, there was...

There was a...

That is a black hole.

That is a goddamn black hole.

The orb was almost twice the size of the other ones, and near it, many of the rocks from the cliff face floated endlessly, seemingly unaffected by gravity. The largest chunk, the size of a small building, was suspended directly above the sphere.

Inside the sphere looked like a rip in space. A black vortex swirled within, streams of light flowing into it's core. By far the most dramatic of the security systems. I grinned. "Ooh, shiny. I pick this one."

Celestia, always ready with some exposition, followed me over the rock. "Proceed with extreme caution, John. Wielding the vulgate is not something you choose. It is something you are chosen for."

I vaulted over the rock and approached the sphere. I gave Celestia one last look. "What happens if it doesn't choose me?"

"I'm sorry to say that I don't know, John. You're the first human on Eden in thousands of years. That alone makes me believe you were put here for a reason. But if I'm wrong..." The immortal princess turned to her sister, unable to finish.

Luna did it for her. "There is a good chance that you will be killed."

John took a moment to absorb this. Then he shrugged. "Well, I got kicked out of the Marines for having suicidal tendencies. That's gotta count for something."

He spread his arms wide, closed his eyes, and fell backward into the void.

. . .

After watching John disappear, Gravic's security field swallowing him like a great, hungry beast, the princesses sat, staring at the place where the Human had stood for what seemed like quite a while.

Luna, being more impatient, broke the silence first. "What shall we do hence?"

Celestia checked the position of the sun, which was quickly going down. "We will give him... an hour. Then I will lower the sun and you will raise the moon, and he will be on his own."

. . .

Deep beneath the Earth, in a dark, metallic bunker where few human beings have tread, an ancient, primordial creature stirred.

The black lenses of its mask flashed as a tall, thin, dark man appeared before it in a burst of purple light and a puff of air. The creatures thick bodyguard, Thor, tensed momentarily before realizing that it was only Hermes, appearing out of thin air as he always did.

Thor and Hermes exchanged a nod, but neither dared speak before the Big Man did. They were both very powerful, but not nearly as powerful as their employer.

The Big Man stood, the servos in its armor whirring, breath hissing from its mask like air from a newly opened crypt. It was not a large creature, but it moved slowly, deliberately, as if every twitch of its body carried massive weight, or perhaps great pain. When it spoke, its mask altered its voice so it could not be traced or recorded, making it deep and removing any lilt or accent.

"Report, Hermes. You would not be here if there was not news."

"As you instructed, I've been tailing Operative Rivieren, your former second-in-command. There has been a new development." The Operative pressed a few buttons on his gauntlet, and a recording of Sebastian played, echoing in the underground chamber.

"Are you sure we should be discussing this in front of..."

"Ach, let her listen. I'm done keeping UNJO's secrets. There has been a change in the Organization since I left. My retirement-" Hermes cut the recording off nervously. Sebastian's retirement was still an upsetting subject to the Big Man.

"Operative Rivieren has already not only compromised top secret information protected by our Organization, but the existence of the organization itself." If Hermes dared show emotion in front of the Big Man, he would have cringed: He hated being the bearer of bad news. Surprisingly, the Big Man remained placid. It simply nodded.

"Ah, of course, I expected no less of him. He was always an independant spirit. A less sentimental fellow might have installed an obedience chip in him, like I did with Thor here." The Big Man gestured to the bigger man, who chuckled outwardly, while internally, he screamed. "But, unfortunately, because I did not, the second most dangerous man on earth is at large, and apparently, actively opposing me. The only logical course of action would be to simply kill anyone whom he has given information, both to keep them silent, and as a warning."

That was the only logical course of action, so of course, Sebastian had countered it. "Unfortunately, Operative Rivieren has only bestowed classified information on individuals whom he has assigned guards to, reside in his personal sanctuary zones, or are otherwise protected. None of the operatives loyal to us are skilled enough to do the job."

The Big Man was silent for a moment, tapping its thin fingers on the granite desktop as it thought. Finally, it spoke: "What about the ones who are not loyal?"

Hermes, who didn't really understand what his boss was getting at, remained silent.

The Big Man nodded, as if Hermes had agreed with it. It tapped on a keyboard hidden in its desk, and Hermes' gauntlet chirped in response. "I've sent you the dossiers of several neutral parties that the Organization has been monitoring. They are all deadly, they are all unstable, and they all have nothing to lose. Do with them as you will, but take care; they are all useful assets to me."

Hermes, requiring nothing more formal than a nod, disappeared in a puff of fuschia to carry out his orders.

"Thor. Leave me."

Thor nodded and left up the elevator, as it was the only way out of the office. The Big Man waited for the airlock to stop humming, for the room to become silent again. Then it took out the crinkled, ancient photo. The noise that struggled through the filter of the Big Man's mask could have been a sigh, or a sob.

. . .

Holy shit.

What the hell. I'm back at Mike's?

I'm... home? Was it all just a terrible, terrible dream?

I ran to the window, but it was so dark out, I couldn't really see past the sidewalk. I tried the front door, but it wouldn't open. Mike must have locked up.

Something is wrong.

Mike has an apartment above the place, and he's a light sleeper. He would have heard me banging around. I can't imagine anywhere else he could be, he rarely leaves the bar.

I checked the window again. Wait, where are all the streetlamps? And why are the lights on inside? Mike always made me turn them off when I locked up...

So, I guess I'm still working.

I went behind the bar and made myself a rum and coke. For a few minutes I waited and listened to the radio.

The bigger they are,

The harder they fall,

How can I know what is real,

If I can't feel at all?

I heard the toilet in the men's room flush and the faucet run for a short while. Two men came out of the bathroom, a thick trucker guy in jeans and a flannel, and a thinner guy wearing a suit. Flannel had a thick, brown, braided beard, and Suit had a big, waxy black barber mustache. They sat down next to each other and looked at me. After a moment, Flannel pointed at my rum and coke and said, "Two of those, please."

His accent was difficult for me to place until I realized that he hadn't spoken English at all. It was a strange feeling, understanding a language that I've never heard before, but not the strangest, so there you go. I made the guy his fucking drinks.

So tell me the truth,

Have I gone too far,

When my eyes burn like torches,

And my heart's black as tar?

They both took a swig of their drinks as I apologised for the shitty ambience. "Sorry about the song, guys. I lost the remote for the stereo."

Flannel raised an eyebrow. "Do you not like it?"

"It's really weepy, isn't it? Like angsty-teen-cry-your-eyes-out-and-write-depressing-poetry kinda weepy." I shrugged. Suit grimaced, and Flannel looked hurt.

"I wrote this for my wife the night before we both died."

I frowned as I thought about this, the frown slowly deepening into a scowl as the song continued to play.

Don't tell me I'm wrong,

I'm singing this song

I'm lost in my heart,

So tear me apart,

Reach into my soul,

The darkest of holes,

Burn out the part of me,

That makes it so hard to see.

I grabbed Flannel by the collar of his namesake with my left hand and slammed his head against the bar. Then, in one swift motion, my left hand clutched the rum and smashed it over Suit's cranium, jerked Flannel back up and pressed the jagged end of the bottle against his thick neck, drawing several small dots of blood.

"I assure you I'll have no more of this tomfuckery. You're going to tell me the meaning behind this cocksuck jamboree, or you're gonna need a bib the next time your boyfriend cums down your throat."

You say that you care,

So don't tell me lies,

You say that its hopeless,

So I'll lay down and cry.

His face stretched into a grin.

A grin that looks just like mine.

His face melts like candle wax, his shirt and the bottle become sand, slipping through my fingers, slipping, the bar disappears, whipped from reality by the wind, the floor rots away and becomes hands that are dragging me down, down, and all I hear is my own voice echoing in my ears:

You'll do.

Author's Note

I'm a busy man, gosh.