The Billy Mays Chronicles

Things were relatively calm in the inhospitable lands of the center of the Earth, nothing was being touched, and everything within and out was sacred as can be. All of a sudden, Steve Urkel went and punched the core. Everything started shaking as the strange little man started laughing.

"Did I do that?!" hysterically laughed the nerd.

He put his hands on the core and allowed himself all the power necessary to kill gods, even his bitter, white rival. "That honkey thinks he can steal the spotlight from me, I'll fuck his shit good, and I'll fuck it hard."

But then suddenly, Charlie Sheen came the absolute hell out of nowhere, he had eyes as red as the blood from a virgin pussy being penetrated and a moustache as white as snow. Little as the black man knew, that moustache was actually cocaine.

"WHAT THE FLIPPING FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU PERMAVIRGIN FUCK!!??!" shouted Charlie Sheen. Steve Urkel remained unchanged by the coke head's outburst.

"I am here to reclaim what's mine, and that is the whole damn world you white fuck." declared Steve. He held up one hand and pointed a finger at Charlie. "NIGGER BONER ATTACK!!" His finger elongated, and penetrated Charlie through the head, where he never had the chance to tell Jessica how he felt about her.

"DID I DO THAT?!" laughed Steve Urkel, now drunk with power. "Not even Charlie could stop me, no coke head fuck in this entire galaxy can stop me!"

Bam, Trollestia came in.

"What the flying shit face pickle nosed chink do you want, Trollestia?!"

"Billy Mays's dick doesn't satisfy me anymore, nor does his coke, I demand a black man's shaft!" exclaimed Trollestia. Then they did the sexy times, now it was worse with a small, gross black nerd. "That was good, now kill Billy Mays!"

"K."

Meanwhile, Billy Fucking Mays was covered in a mountain of coke alongside of Fluttershy's dead body, crying while he shoves more coke up her snout.

"BREATHE DAMN YOU!!! BREATHE!!!!" screamed Billy Mays. When he had realized that all was lost, he threw her body at the sun, and saw it explode with ecstasy. "Stupid fucking horse..."

Steve Urkel then came in, covered to the very bone with nice clothing and shit that was supposed to be scary looking and started rustling Billy's jimmiez. "Hello...old friend..." ominously said Steve Urkel.

"Steve Urkel." said Billy Mays. "So you have escaped from the prisons of the moon, which was on the sun, which was in the center of a black hole so that you can fight me?"

"No, I escaped from the prisons on the moon, which was on the sun, which was in the center of you momma's vag because I have so much black SWAG." He was then assaulted with a coke beam, which just sent him flying right through a mountain.

"ONLY I TALK ABOUT MY MOMMA LIKE THAT YOU DISRESPECTFUL CUNT SUCKING FUCK SHIT!!"

"WANNA PLAY IT LIKE THAT HUH CRACKER?!?!? THEN ITS TIME TO GO DRAGON BALL Z ON YOUR ASS!!!!"

Then they had a fight. This fight got so intense mares and people alike that were within a million mile radius were having their ovaries explode because of the gar that was taking place. Men turned gay, cats and dogs were negotiating a fish treaty so they can know the outcome of this fight, and Irish men stopped having sex with sheep just so they can watch this epic fight go down. All of a sudden, King Kong flipped them off. They both knew what they had to do.

"WE CAN'T LEAVE THIS LITTLE MONKEY BITCH WALK AROUND GIVING US THE BIRD URKEL!!!!" shouted Billy Mays.

"YOU'RE RIGHT, WE CAN'T, WE HAVE TO KILL HIM." shouted Steve Urkel. After two minutes of a montage fight, they finally killed the beast. "Did I do that?" asked Urkel innocently.

"FUCK YOU!!" shouted Billy Mays. They went back into their epic fight again, this time their epicness landed them in Canterlot where they started to through unicorns at each other to try to hurt the other. Sadly, these attempts were all in vain as all it did was have the ponies literally explode from the sheer awesomeness of the sun's rays.

"WHY IN THE NAME OF TALOS ARE THESE PONIES EXPLODING?!"

"WHO THE FUCK KNOWS, BUT LETS KEEP FIGHTING ANYWAYS AND SHOUT REALLY LOUD!!'"

"OKAY I'M COOL WITH THAT!!!" They continued their fight. Then Discord came in and started dry humping everything.

"EVERYTHING FEELS GOOOD!!!" screamed Discord. Steve Urkel went up to him and beat the shit out him, raped him, then killed him by showing him his pecs. The god of chaos died from the rays of Steve Urkel's pecs, and turned to ash.

"Did I do that?" asked the young nerd innocently.

"WE'RE NOT DONE YET!!" shouted Billy, whom went up and sucker punched Urkel all the way to Mars where they continued their fight.

Out of their wits and out of energy, the two of them decided to delay time to talk.

"Why did you come back to Equestria of all these stupid planets?" asked Billy.

"You see, when Allah sent me here on a mission, to destroy all buildings with aeroplanes." said Steve Urkel.

"Surely there must be more than just a nine-eleven joke behind your motives."

"Yes, I am your son Billy Mays, you abandoned me after you found out that your first wife gave birth to me. She always wanted to tell you that it was something that caused my skin to turn into what it was instead of a black man that made love to her, but you killed her with a coke beam, leaving me to the streets where I had hopelessly fallen in love with a stupid hoe. I then killed her so I can join the circus and that was when I met the spirit of Allah. Me and him lol'd at the muslims and then-" He said no more as Billy Mays had cut off his child's head with his own penis.

That was when he realized he didn't want anything to do with Equestria, and soon went to make a republic on Mars. He called it the "Imperial Coke Empire." and named his first city after the black man that fell to his penis, SUIAF City. It is an acronym for "Steve Urkel Is A Faggot", a pun Billy Mays laughed so humorously at.

Trollestia then unleashed another evil, only for Billy Mays to kill him.