Shadow's Tail: A Dark Hero

So I know I’m supposed to be, like, telling you my roots n’ stuff, but I don’t remember a lot of my early childhood. I don’t mean being a baby and stuff, because no one remembers that shit. I mean I am so old that I don’t remember anything before Drakonia. So let me give you a little bit of my background, tell you what makes me tick. I’m an Alicorn with a serious case of O.C.D. or at least, that’s what Shadow says. Honestly, I’m just one fucked up somepony. I also run seventy percent of Drakonia and Equestria’s drug trade. I’m best friends with a dickbag Drakonian, and in love with a tree hugging hippie. But I’m getting ahead of myself; let’s start from the tippy top of what I remember. Growing up, Drakonia wasn’t the worst place to be… if you had a family, or money, or connections.

I however, started on the latter side of fucked up. I was orphaned, and alone. Now, even as a young Pony, I couldn’t understand why I was so different from the others. I didn’t look like them, I wasn’t as vicious as them, and I certainly was prepared for how harsh this world truly was. Even before I met him, I guess I got off easy. I was just an adorable little blue Pony, with gorgeous grey eyes, and a fantastic head of brown hair. I guess I was the just the bee’s knees to them because I almost always had food. At first, the meat didn’t sit well with me, but it didn’t take long for that to pass. Even with free food, my life was still pretty shitty considering my home was a cardboard box in one of the Market District’s alley. One night, as I was peacefully sleeping in my wonderful, one story, cardboard home, a fucking claw crams through the center of that shit. Got me right in the kidney.

My extreme survival instinct told me to do one thing. Grab onto whatever was crushing me and hold on for dear life. I could hear an array of voices yelling ‘Stop thief’ from behind me. It wasn’t long before my box was torn apart, and tossed away. The asshole that stepped on me didn’t even stop. I was under his foot and he just kept on a running. My whole body was in pain, then the world changed. All the color of the world vanished into black and white. There was no pressure on me now. I felt like I was floating through mud. I finally looked up to find out which maniac had trounced my house, but the color returned and blinded me.

The jerk raised his claws to meet me eye to eye, “Hey kid, you good?”

I finally saw his face. He had long, slicked back, blue hair with two massive ram horns that curved behind his head with the points ending just below his eyes. He was brown and had blue eyes, except for one spot of hazel in his left eye, “Dude, my everything hurts. Why? Why did you destroy my only home?” I didn’t mean to, but I started crying like a little bitch. He destroyed everything I had. Literally, everything I had.

My eyes were too filled with tears to see clearly anymore, but I’ll never forget that voice. It was kind, understanding, and warm. It made me feel like maybe everything was going to be alright, nothing like the asshole I know now, “Hey kid, I’m sorry, not that means anything to your kind. Just, look, I know of a place you can go. A new home, full of little dudes and dudettes helping each other out. If you come with me, I can get all those cuts, scrapes, and bruises fixed right up. Trust me, kid, things will get better. They always do. It doesn’t matter how bleak or dark things seem, but it does get better, so what d’ya say?” I didn’t let go, but I guess he took that as a yes. He easily shook me off and grabbed me with his tail, lifting me up off the ground. Before I knew it, we were airborne. I managed to look down at the streets below. He was leaping from rooftop to rooftop. I didn’t question it then, but now I wonder how he managed to scale the thirty foot bank in seconds, must have been that black and white zone or something, but I’ll let him explain that bit later.

When we finally landed on the streets again, we were in the slums. The exact opposite place I thought we were going. He carried me to an alley, and what I saw was life changing back then. It was a bunch of kids, but they had built a small community in this big enclosed space, “At one point in time, the city planner made a small mistake. Now, this great enclosed space is all ours. By the way kid, the name’s Umbra. Don’t forget it.” There was a poorly crafted wooden roof with canvas covering the many holes. Small, tear-shaped building hung from various pieces of the roof. Makeshift huts lined the walls, and there were tents scattered along the ground with various hand drawn signs above them. Umbra took me to one that said ‘HOTSPITAL’. As soon as we got in, he shook me off his tail, “Talk with Doctor Feel Good. She’ll fix you right up. Sorry I can’t stay, but I'm gonna drop of my loot at our little ‘Bank’. Peace out little dude.”

The tent wasn’t that big. There were about three cots to my left, a whole bunch of boxes scattered everywhere, and a desk with a green Rockskin in front of me. Her spikes were really thin; they almost like strands of actual hair. She had a white lab coat on, and had her spikes in a bun. She had glasses on, which looked weird with her blank eyes. There was no way she could’ve been an actual adult, “Hey, are you, like, licensed and stuff?”

Her blank eyes peered right through me, “Do you want me to help you, or would rather risk those cuts getting infected and have me amputate some limbs later? The choice is yours.” Suddenly, her cold stare became a little bit warmer, “If you decide to be the smart little Pony I know you are, go lay down on that cot.” I limped on over to the closest cot and crawled on top without saying a word, “Good, I’m glad you made the right choice.” She walked on over to me then levitated a brownie over to me, “Here, take this. It’ll ease the pain while I fix you up.”

I was extremely excited, “Oh thank goodness, I’m starving.” I scarfed down that brownie as fast as I could. Feel Good looked at me in shock for some reason, and it wasn’t long till I realized why. It was about three minutes till that brownie took effect, then nothing was same afterwards. For what seemed like days I was just staring at this tent roof thing. All the stains and dirt seemed to move around and leave trails of light. My whole body was vibrating with the earth. I could feel us hurtling through space and spinning at thousands of miles an hour. I could hear the wondrous music of life and of colors. I could feel every cell in my body working in harmony, but the downside was my mouth was drier than the Eternal Wasteland. Plus I felt hungrier than I’d ever been. Eventually I drifted to sleep.

I had a dream that night. I was still lying in that tent looking up, but what was above wasn’t a roof or a sky. It was some dirty window, or screen, or something. Just behind that screen was some creature with short, blonde hair, and blue eyes. There were thunderous clicking sounds ripping through the air, shattering my eardrums. It eventually faded away, but after that, on certain days, if I look up at the sky, I can still see it. Whatever it is, it must age really slowly because I have been seeing that thing all my life, and the only thing that really changes are the amount of hair and the clothes it has on. That’s like, super crazy because I’m like, over a thousand years old. So anyway, I wake up the next day feeling better than ever, but I hear a bunch of yelling outside. I leapt off the cot and stretched. I was still seeing and feeling some pretty good shit though.

I wandered outside to see who was making all that noise and I saw some guard arguing with Feel Good, “You vermin have no right to just claim this area as your own! You filthy, wastes of space must disband at once!”

Before she could say a word, a familiar brown Drakonian landed in between them. He had on some makeshift armor made of scrap metal. The suit was covered in random spikes, and parts of body were exposed by small holes, “If you want to make them move, then you’ll have to go through the Demon King of the Forest of Suffering, and honestly, I don’t think you have the balls to try.”

The guard was furious. He was a silver Angel in solid bronze armor, with a silver mask covering his face. It blended into his skin perfectly like all Angel masks. With the mask on, you couldn’t see his mouth, and his eyes looked pure white. He took a step closer to Umbra, “Maybe you're right. I don’t have the balls to take you down on my own, but you threaten me again, and I’ll get the whole Force down here. I’ll make sure they save you for last, killing all these cretans in front of you. Then when you’re finally broken, we’ll lock you away forever, so that you can rot in the dungeons till you die.”

Umbra took a step closer, “Is that so, short stuff?” Even though he was just a teen, he was still taller than the full grown Angel. He dashed in front of him and butted heads with him. He forced the guard back a step, and pushed hard enough to force the Angel’s lance like legs partially into the stone ground, “You wanna know I have to say about that. I will.”

My instincts took over and I just jumped in between them. I opened my wings and pushed them apart. I turned to the guard with my wings still open, “There’s no reason for violence man. Why don’t we like, go get some chimichangas and cool off before we do anything we’ll regret a lot later in life. Okay?”

The guard paused for a moment. He just stared at me through his mask for a few seconds, “You know what Pony, you’re alright. Come on, let’s go get some food.” He turned around, pulling his legs from the ground, and I happily followed him away. I turned to see Umbra with his mouth wide open. I walked with the guard to the Marble Square. It was the rich part of the city, so everything was super nice. We sat down at a café, and ordered some food. The guard didn’t eat or speak, he just kept on moving.

Finally the bill came. I took a peek and was shocked, “That’s a lot of money!” Again, instinct took over, and I opened my wings, “Is there any way we could get a discount or something?”

I’m not shitting you when I say this Draxe waiter went cross-eyed for a few seconds. He smiled at me, “For you little guy, on the house.”

My jaw dropped. I looked to my wings, then back at the waiter, “Since you’re so kind and generous and stuff… could I maybe get some money to feed my friends?” the waiter went cross-eyed again and left. When he returned he was holding a glass jar stuffed with drachmas in his mouth. Yeah I know drachmas, the ancient Greek’s currency, but that’s what we use there, so shut up and keep listening. He put the jar down in front of me and left. I snatched that jar up, and tucked it under my wings as fast as I could. I sprinted back to my new home with as much speed as I could muster, but when I got to the Alleyway entrance, someone was waiting for me.

“How did you do that, kid? I followed you after you calmed down that guard. How the fuck did you get them to do whatever you want?” Umbra did not look happy.

I was pretty scared so my voice was all cracked and stuff, “I-I don’t know man. I just asked and they like did what I said.” I’m not saying I’m a bitch or nothing, but I was, you know, pretty terrified.

He eyed me for a second, “You... You’re an Alicorn.” He paused and rubbed his head before growing a devilish smile, “I think I know why you can do all that. I can use, I mean help, yeah, I can help you. Help you. First things first, let’s go drop that loot down at the bank. Since we’re a new community of outcasts, we’re a little socialist. I don’t think it’s good for large places, but for us starting out, it’s a really good deal.” We walked to the tent labeled ‘BANK’ and I gave the guy there my jar of drachmas. Then Umbra led me back out on the town. We were in the Market District again. A large group of guards in silver armor rushed toward us, “Okay kid, open your wings and face them.”

I did as Umbra said and the guards stopped dead in front of me, “Move aside little one, this one’s a thief.”

They didn’t budge. I looked back to Umbra, and he nodded, “Umm… this is not the Drakonian you’re looking for.” I waved my hoof as I spoke. Slowly they repeated what I had said, and with that, they left.

Umbra laughed, “You see that kid, you got some mighty fine powers of persuasion. Oh man, we are gonna have so much fun with this.”

I turned to Umbra with my wings open, “Make me the new leader of the Alleyway.” He looked at me, but his eyes didn’t cross like everyone else’s. I cleared my throat and began waving my hoof, “I am your master now, make me the leader of the Alleyway.”

He flicked my forehead with his tail, and started laughing again, “Nice try kid.”

I closed my wings, and rubbed my forehead, “Why don’t they work on you? I got all those guards and waiters and stuff to do what I want. Why can’t I make you listen?”

He smiled, “I guess I’m just too stubborn. Let’s go get some free medicine from the clinic.” We spent the whole day getting food, medicine, building supplies, and clothes. All for free. Although Umbra didn’t know, or didn’t let on that he knew, I realized how my power worked after a while. There were certain people I couldn’t affect. I had to convince nurses and lab assistants to get stuff from there because the actual doctors and scientists weren’t affected. Even some random people resisted, but I saw a pattern. The one’s I couldn’t get to do as I say, were the super smart ones. Back then I couldn’t figure why Umbra was an exception, but now I know he wasn’t. Even though he acts like a dense moron, he is crazy smart. I don’t mean he’s a genius or anything, but he’s a crazy good tactician, and has lived long enough to have learned some shit.

When we finally returned to our grand enclosing we were both carrying carts full of goodies. I decided to take the medicine and brownie mix to the doctor, “Since I’m bringing you all this good stuff, can I snag another one of the brownies?” Feel Good shook her head, but when I opened my wings, she started seeing things my way. It was a good few years for me. Umbra made me his second in command, I started dating Feel Good, without wing persuasion, and I helped turn our shitty alley into a decent safe place for all the abandoned kids of Drakonia. But you know what they say, good things can’t stay forever.

Now don’t get me wrong, it was a great few years. I had a house, many frequent visits from the doctor, and I finally had a real family. Then the Force got a new chief, Chrono. He was hard on all crime, and Umbra was now the most wanted criminal in the kingdom. One day he asked me, Feel Good, and a blue Angel I hadn’t met before to hide in a warehouse for a while. We waited in that dark, damp, dirty warehouse for hours until Umbra was thrown into some crates in front of us. I went to run and help him, but he raised his claw for me to wait, and then faced his attacker, “Wow, you really don’t hold any punches, do you, Chrono?”

A figure in a trench coat and fedora walked up to Umbra, “I wouldn’t have had to hurt you if you weren’t a criminal.” He sounded just like he looked, a middle aged noir detective. He was clearly a Rockskin, but with all that clothing I could only see his silhouette.

Umbra smiled, “I bet you’re one of those guys who sais ‘the road to hell is paved with good intentions’. You wanna know what my intentions are?” Chrono said nothing, but nodded. Umbra waved for us to come out, and threw a satchel full of apples in front of us. We acted like we were starving, and I opened my wings to try helping Umbra persuade this guy. No idea why he brought Feel Good, I mean, she eats by shoving her hooves into the ground and absorbing its nutrients. Anyway, Umbra looked back to Chrono, “I’m doing it for them. I know to a lot of you cops and upper class jerk bags, we’re worthless, but we are all we’ve got. We care for each other, fight for each other, and if need be, die for each other. We aren’t just some lazy, wastes of space, we are a family, and all we’re trying to do is live another day. So go ahead, take me in, I’ll gladly admit to helping those who need it. I know that everything I did was truly righteous, but at the end of the today, will you be able to do the same?”

Chrono paused, and eyed all of us, “I haven’t been able to do that in a long time. One more regret won’t mean much to me.”

He took a step toward Umbra, but I jumped in between them, “Can’t you just let him go!” Chrono shook his head, “Please, let him go!” Chrono was ignoring me now and headed for Umbra. I summoned up all the power I had. I had never learned how to actually use magic, but I could always feel I had some. My eyes exploded with energy and my horn began glowing bright grey, “I said, LET HIM GO!” Chrono was pushed backwards, and as my light faded, I collapsed.

Chrono was silent for a good minute before he spoke again, “You know what, I think I know of a way we can all be happy at the end of the day.” He faced Umbra, “If you join the military, and the kid here joins the Force, I’ll wipe your record clean and keep the Force from harassing your friends. What d’ya say?” Umbra and I looked to each other, then faced Chrono. We nodded in agreement.

When we returned to the Alleyway Umbra announced to everyone that we would be safe, but that he had to leave in order to ensure it. He put me in charge of everything, and before anyone could say a word, he jumped over the crowd and ran off. They all turned to me. There eyes full of questions. I stood tall in front of the crowd, “I’m going to set some groups for ‘scavenging’. The ones who run the buildings will not be part of the ‘scavenging’ groups. I’m going to join the Force to ensure we are all safe, and I’m naming Feel Good as my second in command.” Everyone obediently got in line so I could order them into groups. I broke it off with Feel Good that night as well. For the first time, I left the Alleyway alone.

I walked through the Marble Square to the massive HQ of the Force. When I entered the red Rockskin behind the desk eyed me suspiciously, “You’re too young to be in here, and haven’t I seen your face before?” I shook my head, but he didn’t buy it, “No, I’ve definitely seen your face before. You’re on of those freeloaders aren’t ya? Yeah, I remember you now; you’re the one banging that quack. How old is she anyway? Way to old for you I think.”

I opened my wings, “No I’m not, and you want to quit now.” It’s impossible to tell if he went cross eyed since his eyes are blank, but he listened.

He levitated up a phone on the desk, and pushed some buttons, “Hey chief… Yeah it’s me. Just letting you know I quit… Yeah I quit… This little guy walked in and made some good points. I’m in my prime; I shouldn’t be wasting my life with this dead end job. I should be living life, experiencing new things, all that jazz. Anyway, goodbye chief, it’s been fun.” With that he stood up, and left the building.

It wasn’t long before Chrono stormed in from some doors behind the desk. He looked straight at me, “What the fuck kid?” I just shrugged, so he angrily waved for me to follow him. He led me through this set of cubicles he called ‘The Bull Pit’, and into an elevator on the other side. It was a pretty long ride up, but when we got there, we entered this little office. There were various decorations that I paid absolutely no attention to, and I sat down in a chair in front of his desk, “Okay kid. I’ll be doing all your paperwork. First thing first, what’s your name?”

I stared at him blankly, “My name?”

He sighed, “Yes kid, what’s your name?”

I was stumped, “I, uh, I think it's kid, or little dude, or something.”

He eyed me, “You mean you don’t know your own name?”

I shrugged, and looked around. The walls were crowded with junk, and I was lost. Then my eyes fell on a mirror. I saw my own reflection, and answered Chrono, “Let’s go with, Blue. I like the sound of that.”

I spent the next few answers hours reading paperwork. Finally just before sunset, he let me go. Starting first thing tomorrow morning, I would be an official member of the Force. I returned to the Alleyway, and saw everyone waiting for me. They had all gone out and ‘scavenged’ like I said, but I guess they just wanted to make sure their fearless leader was coming back. With me safe at home, everyone returned to business as usual. I went straight home and tried to sleep. However, that night, I was restless. My mind kept drifting to what would happen without Umbra, am I capable leader, if I die will Feel Good be a good leader, and why the fuck did I break up with her? Things like that.

When the sun rose again I rallied up my troops and sent them off. I waited till each of the groups left before I departed to meet Chrono at the Force’s HQ. He was waiting outside for me, “Come on kid.” Again he led me through the building, but not to the elevators. We ended up in this long hallway full of doors, “These are the interrogation rooms. Honestly the only reason I made that deal with you is because I saw how useful you could be. With that power of persuasion you could get criminals to admit to every crime they’ve ever committed, or even better, snitch on every crime boss in the kingdom.”

I was a little shocked, “Wait how do you know? Everyone I’ve used it on didn’t know I was using it.”

Chrono chuckled, “More like, everyone it worked on, but the problem with that is, it didn’t work on me. I felt it, but I don’t give in so easily.” He led me into several interrogation rooms. Each one of them cracked and admitted to the crime, and the ones who still pleaded innocent were let go. Once each interrogation was complete, he took me back to his office, “Great work kid, I mean, officer Blue. From now on, you’re our official Lead Interrogator. Congratulations. A set of Blue armor will be waiting here for you early tomorrow.” I thought for a moment. Maybe if I focused really hard, I could convince him to let me be an actual officer, like out on the streets. I’d be a loose cannon, or a renegade, or some other synonym for those kinds of cops. I went to open my wings, but I couldn’t. Actually the more I tried opening them, the more the area around my wings hurt. I turned to face them and saw my wings were duct taped to my body, “I’d recommend not trying your wings on me.” he paused and thought for a moment, “Actually, seeing you duct taped gives me an idea.”

I did not like how any of that sounded at all, “Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. I do NOT roll that way. Plus I’m a kid you sick freak. What kind of perv.”

I never got to finish my insult. From out of nowhere my head exploded with pain, “Not like that you moron. I mean maybe you can learn to use that persuasion thing without opening your wings. Keep them concealed with the armor.”

I was rubbing the back of my head, but nodded in agreement. That’s how the next few years passed. Well, Drakonian years. One of theirs is about ten Pony years, maybe a little more. I probably should have mentioned that earlier, but whatever. I kept tabs on Umbra. That’s when I found out his full name, Chaos Ostensor Umbra. It’s originally Latin, but in ancient Drakonia, it meant something else, Chaos Shadowbringer, the one who leads the shadows out of the darkness and chaos, and back then, shadows referred to those left behind, forgotten, or lost. His name meant he would bring hope to the forgotten souls that society, or even the person themselves, abandoned. It’s actually pretty beautiful, but this is my story not his. He had a new code-name, Shadow, and he rose through the ranks like you wouldn’t believe. Every mission he went on was successful, and he usually did more than what he was asked. He was the kingdom’s top infiltrator, and the enemy had never actually seen him. With my grand persuasive power, I got a hold of some of his files. I was shocked to find that with as many missions as he’d been on, he had zero confirmed kills. Even zero unconfirmed kills. In fact, he never had to even fight an enemy.

I also shot through my ranks. I was the head of the Interrogation Unit. Yeah, I was about as high as I could be, and it was a decent position in the force two. Thank Loki they don’t do drug tests on Force members. Chrono had trained me relentlessly, but it paid off. I had pretty much mastered my power. It was now like a calming aura that I could then use to tap into people’s head and make them agree with me. If my aura failed however, I could open my wings for a major power boost, almost no one could resist me now. Yeah, I had become a mind controlling badass. Even the Alleyway got better. With no Force harassing us, we built a large door at the entrance, and extend the roof to cover the whole space. We turned that hole into one giant makeshift hotel. No more tents or hanging rooms, and I took the entire top floor as my penthouse suite.

Everything had gone back to being great, until this ‘Ace’ entered interrogation. She was some teen Draxe who apparently had a thing for explosives, but no one could crack her, “Well guys, looks like Blue is gonna save all your asses yet again.” I triumphantly walked to interrogation with a crowd of laughing officers behind me. It was like a ritual now, whenever they found someone uncrackable, they all watched me make them spill the beans. I waited for a few minutes to make sure all the Force was behind that reflective glass. I wanted them to see me win, “Wow, you’re kinda cute. Doesn’t make you any less in trouble, but I thought you should know. So, Acey, mind if I call you Acey? Don’t answer. Listen Acey,” I opened the file and quickly skimmed it, “All I want to know, is how you ended up on the top floor of Spiral Keep. I mean you have no wings, the castle itself is enchanted so you can’t climb the outside, and the place is crawling with guards. The Force can do whatever we want, so if you like keeping that beautiful smoky skin attached to your body I would recommend you start talking.”

I thought I didn’t break her at first, because what she said was ludicrous at the time, “Well, me and the doctor kinda landed there. You see, we’re time travelers and we got a distress signal. Every page of the psychic paper was screaming for help. Almost like thousands of people were all dying at once.”

Suddenly a voice began screaming over the intercom, “CODE RED! CODE RED! THE CITY IS UNDER ATTACK! I REPEAT, THE CITY IS UNDER ATTACK!” I heard everyone outside running and scrambling to go defend the city. I thought of doing the same, but for some reason, I stayed with her. Let’s call it destiny, or the fact I’d been single for a while. Suddenly the room exploded with noise. It was the first time I heard that majestic wailing sound, and the first time I saw that blue box form from nothing. When the noise ended a Draxe walked out. He wore an off-white safari-styled jacket with a red paisley scarf worn under its lapels and a matching handkerchief in the left pocket, a fob watch chained to the left lapel, a plain white shirt, a red paisley tie, a yellow fair isle-inspired pullover adorned with red question marks and blue-green zigzag patterns, sand-colored tweed plaid trousers, white/brown brogued spectator shoes, and a white colonial-styled Panama hat with a paisley hatband and an upturned brim. What? I learned some things about fashion when I had a fling with a professional tailor. She tried sewing some of my favorite body parts together when we broke up. That’s where my fear of them Drakonian bitches probably stems from. Anyway, I’m getting off track.

I looked that Draxe dead in the eyes and proudly proclaimed, “Suh dude?”

That Draxe took pause when he looked at me, “Pony? Hello young Pony. What’s a Pony doing in Drakonia? The borders between the two kingdoms are closed right now.”

I chuckled at his obvious statement, “Well not only does this Pony live in Drakonia, but I kinda run this B.”

He laughed with me, “Well I’d love to stay and chat, but me and Ace have to get going now.”

He gestured for Ace to enter the box with him, but I quickly cuffed us together, “Sorry bro, but she is in Force custody. Anywhere she goes, I go.”

There was a sudden pounding on the interrogation door, “Officer Blue! Open the door! Report for duty! Blue!”

Without hesitation the Draxe grabbed us both, and dragged us into the Blue Box, “Okay, fine, let’s go then.”

All I managed to get out before being carried away was, “That’s not what I meant, Dick!” When I got inside, the next thing I said was, “Dude! Is so big. Also, that’s what she’s gonna say.”

I pointed to Ace who quickly said, “What?” And since she said what, so did I.

The Draxe ignored what I said, “Okay, Pony, I’m The Doctor. Nice to meet you and such, but right now I’m trying to find out what’s going on with my psychic paper. Any ideas?”

I thought for a moment. This meant everything Ace told me must be true. That meant they were time travelers, and if I helped them now, they wouldn’t need me. I could help them, or make them let me join, “Some things are better left unanswered, man. But, I could be a serious help to you guys on things. Time things, and all that.” As expected they had a small eye problem, and started seeing things my way.

The Doctor turned to me, “Alright, where’s the first place you want to see then?”

I didn’t even have to think about it, “I wanna see the dude in the sky.” Ace and The Doctor turned to me with confused looks on their faces, “Man, don’t tell me neither of you have seen them. They look pale and only have fur on their heads. They got like flat faces and stuff.”

The Doctor began messing with this giant console in the center of the room, “Well, I have no clue what you mean, but why don’t we just let the Tardis surprise us?”

That was the beginning of my adventures with The Doctor. My charm worked flawlessly on Ace, but we kept that under wraps till she left. We journeyed through all of space and time. I got to joust with knights, and convince emperors of far away, future, planets to make peace with each other. I even discovered my special talent when I was making memento statues of enemies we had bested. It was a stone bust of an earth Pony’s head. Those little statues I made may or may not have ended up in early Equestria, and created the game chess. I’m not saying I invented chess, I’m just saying I was the biggest contributor. It was weird though, no matter how far away from home I was, I always thought back to my, my friends in the Alleyway. It was just after we had held back some black, swiss-cheese looking, shapeshifting, bitches from overthrowing their queen, that I decided I needed to help my people.

I asked The Doctor if we could visit early Drakonia, “Oh, and Doc. I’m gonna need some money for food and souvenirs. That cool?” The Doctor laughed, but let me bring as many Drachmas as my satchels could carry. I knew from working in the Force that Drakonia never changed its original design. It only grew around and upgraded what was already built, which meant I knew the exact location of the City Bank. I had a plan. Step one: Convince the current king to permanently legalize marijuana (since currently it wasn’t exactly… yeah) and put up mandatory interest rates on all bank accounts. Step two: Deposit money in bank account under the king’s name, with the stipulation that the interest be used to create and supply the first, kingdom funded, open for all, orphanage.

He stayed and did sciencey recharging stuff on the Tardis’ control console, and I went on my first, solo, out of time mission. I was pleased to see that absolutely no one gave a fuck that I looked different than them. Just kidding, it pissed me off, royally. Like I was now the first Pony to ever be in Drakonia, “Really? Really! I’m the first of my kind here, and no one gives a single, flying, fuck! Fucking Drakonians acting like y’all know everything. Fuckers.” So I after I made my public temper tantrum, with no one bothering to ask questions still, I just walked to the castle. At this point was just like, a giant dining hall with a throne at the far end. When I saw who was at the end of this table, I knew him immediately. We had dart boards with his face on them at the Alleyway, King Chronic, the king who illegalized marijuana. Ironic, huh?

I didn’t want to waste any time so I just walked around the table, straight to the king, “So I’m gonna lay it down for you, I need you to re-legalize marijuana.”

Chronic was a green Rockskin with spikes that looked like buds sprouting all across his body. Completely honest, he looked like a weed plant grew legs, “Why would I legalize something that I myself, could not enjoy myself?”

Kind of made sense, as a Rockskin he had no mouth… but he did have a nose, “Let me show you some grade-A magic I learned from the best doctor ever.” I had to remember we were in old ass Drakonia so it took me a moment to think of what I could use, “I need some kind of small vase with a lid, two really bendy bamboo chutes, an Angel’s mask, some sealant, and some of the illegal substance I’m here to legalize.” It seemed solid at the time, until they asked me what sealant was, “Shit, fine. I need something to seal holes and keep stuff together.”

It was Chronic who spoke up, “Like tree sap? Hmm…. Guards, get what the alleged sorcerer requests.” They brought me everything I needed to MacGyver that shit. It took me a good minute, but I ended up with what looked like a single tubed Immortan Joe mask connecting to a vase with a straw poking out of it, “What is this… garbage you present to me?”

I opened the lid, had a guard put some lit Ganga in the vase, and offered the mask to Chronic, “Just take a deep breath buddy. In through the nose, out through the…the…the nose. Just inhale man.”

He looked at me like I was fucking crazy, but listened. He was breathing like a champ, and I could already see in his blank eyes, he was as high as a, a, a cloud. So, seeing as he was thoroughly baked, it was time for the threat, “Okay so considering that you just got baked, which is highly illegal because of you, you have two options. Legalize it, or I convince all of your people to revolt against you.”

Chronic looked off into the corner of the room before slowly answering, “Sure thing, dude.”

I’m not lying, I was a little shocked, “Hey man, one more thing. Could you, maybe, make an orphanage that is run by and paid for by the kingdom?”

With a nod the King’s Drakonian assistant began scribbling down notes. I left and realized I still had all the bits, and had already accomplished both objectives. It took me off guard for a moment, before I realized something. You know what, I’ve helped kids and served my country, it’s time for me to enjoy the finer things in life. I trotted on over to the bank with all my bits, and made myself a nice cushy bank account for future me. It was considerably smaller than I expected, but at that time they were using a different currency. It totaled to about a tenth of what it would currently be worth. Cheap bastards. I, of course, ‘acquired’ some souvenirs so The Doctor wouldn’t get suspicious of my lack of funds. As I entered the Tardis I shouted toward The Doctor, “Can I head home now?” I didn’t wait for answer, just walked down the winding corridors.

I entered one of the Tardis’ extra console rooms in the waaaay back. Not gonna lie, before I left I wanted to do one thing. Obviously I was baked out of my gourd at the time, like always, so basically I wanted to leave The Doctor with a goodbye gift. I remembered how he claimed the Tardis was a living being, and made it crystal clear that it was a she. I walked on over and rubbed the Tardis controls, “Shh, I know this’ll sound crazy, but I need something from you.” The console hummed to life, “Open up, show me your heart.” I heard her beep and buzz, “No, no. He’ll never find out, besides, don’t you want to give me a little goodbye present. Something to seal all the time we’ve had together? Come on. Just once?” I heard her casing pop open, and I gazed into the heart of the Tardis. It was beautiful, all of time and space locked away in a cold metal shell. I climbed in, and I’m gonna be blunt here, I fucked it. I fucked it real good, and I’m proud to say it was one of the better fucks of my life.

As I climbed out of her, I noticed I was in some weird, blue, long sleeve, hooded, shirt thing. I decided to call it a hoodie. That’s right bitches; I invented the hoodie by fornicating with a time machine. It was really warm, soft, and very roomy. Just like the Tardis. I felt the hard crashing of The Doctor’s horrible landing, and walked to the door, “Okay. I’m done.”

The Doctor looked at me with confusion, “What do you mean you’re done?”

I opened the door, “I mean I’ve had my fill. I’m done with you. Bye.” With that, I left The Doctor high and dry. It was afternoon now, and I had no clue when I was. I wandered around the kingdom, looking for when I was. Everyone was so much happier than I remember. I understood when I saw how bloodshot most of their eyes were. I stopped a random walker to ask the time, “Bruh, it’s four-twenty, duh.” After that, I was on a hunt. They were all stoned, which meant what I had done worked. It took me nearly an hour, but I found it, the massive, grey orphanage in the Marble Square. The sign above the doors was labeled, ‘Stoner’s Orphanage.’

A voice spoke from behind me, “Hello again, Blue.”

I turned to face the voice, and saw Chrono, “Oh, dude. What’s up?”

Chrono sighed, “You’re dead.”

I took a step back, and readied myself for a fight, “Hey man, calm down.”

He punched my shoulder, “I mean you’ve been gone so long the Force changed you from MIA to KIA. You vanished during the Great Rebellion. Also, I know what you did. Thank you for helping them… and me.” With that he walked toward a yellow Rockskin, and they left together.

“Woah, so I’m dead now.” I gazed back to the orphanage, “I’ll need a new name then, huh? ‘Stoner’s Orphanage’. I guess… Stony works then.” And from here on out, we get to the real story.

I went back to the Alleyway to find it gone. All that we had built was nothing more. I wandered to where the tent Feel Good ran had been. It looked like this ground hadn’t been touched in ages, “So, who am I know, what have I done?” I sat down, unsure of what to do. I mean, I had all that money in the bank to play around with, but how should I do it? “Eh, Fuck it. Ima sleep, wake up in the morning, and smoke a shitload of weed!” That night I had a dream. I saw my new life, and I actually kinda liked it. I had been an orphan and I met Umbra in the orphanage, but I had a nice little side job. I was a pot distributer for our local drug lord. He was not a nice one however. I woke up with a new plan. I walked down to the bank and checked my account, “Twenty-eight million!” The size of my money blew me away, but first thing first.

I took a kitten print checkbook, and left for our local arms dealer, “I need weapons.”

The orange Angel behind the counter… well I think he smiled. Like all Angels he wore a mask, but whatever, “A man with your style, I think I know what you want.” He opened his wings and his feathers began glowing. In an instant, machetes flew from around the room to fill the counter in front of me. I grabbed one and slid it into my pocket. The whole thing fit, so I grabbed another, and another, and another. Soon the counter was empty and my pocket still felt empty. I wrote a check to the flabbergasted clerk, and went on my merry way.

“Weapons… check. Next are the bribes.” With my new knowledge of the drug ring, I spoke with, and payed, all of those close to Ganga, the current drug lord. With that, I made my way to his white mansion. With my expert talkingness I managed to convince everyone I had a private appointment with our noble drug provider.

Once in his study, he addressed me, “What? Who are you?”

I took off my hoodie and opened my wings, “Write in your will that everything, and I mean everything, you have and own goes to me if you die.” The green Drakonian obeyed. He opened his desk and wrote a new will. He called for his second in command, whom I payed to be on my side, and told him to take it directly to his lawyer. With all that finished I pulled on my hoodie, and slid out a machete. I walked over to him nice and slow like, “You’re in my desk bitch.” I sank that blade deep into his skull. I saw the blood slowly trickle down from around my blade, and when I pulled it up and out, he fell to the ground with a heavy thunk. The blood poured out over my new carpet. Can you believe that shit? He just bled all over my new carpet. What an asshole!

I called for two guards to remove his body. I didn’t even persuade them. Actually, they seemed grateful I had killed him. I sat in my new desk, searched through the drawers, and found a pipe, “Hey! I need something grade-A weed for my relaxation time.” Suddenly, a blue Angel walked in. It was the same guy me and Feel Good met when Umbra tried using us against Chrono. He was chuckling, but put a bag in front of me. It was definitely weed, but it had blue specks in it, “What the fuck is that?”

He let out a small laugh, “It’s called Stank-Masta. Trust me, it’ll be life changing.” He ran out laughing.

“Whatever fuckboy,” With that I pulled a fat nug out of the bag, ground it up, and packed a bowl. I rummaged through the desk for a lighter, and took a nice deep hit. It felt good. It actually did feel life changing. Once the bowl was nice and clear I hit the floor. When I woke up it was morning, and I felt pissy. First thing I did was kick my desk so hard the leg broke off, “One of you fuckers get me a new desk ASAP, or I’ll be chopping dicks off at nine!”

I left the room, and when a guard saw me he sighed. He looked over the balcony and screamed, “Damnit McFuckboy!”

I pulled a machete out of my pocket and launched it at him. It slammed into his ear and pushed deep into the wall, “What the fuck did you just call me?!”

The Drakonian guard trembled, “Not you sir. I swear. It’s…It’s… just look in a mirror, it was all McFuckboy, I swear!” He grabbed his ear to try and stop the blood from staining his nice black suite.

I walked back into my office and turned to face a mirror right next to the door, “The fuck?” I was grey now. Like everywhere. All my blue and brown was gone. The last physical and I guess legal connection to Blue, was gone. He was just a memory. I had completely become Stony, in every way shape and form. All my usual cheerfulness was gone, and was replaced with bloodlust and anger. My peons awaited my commands, and I gave it to them. We wiped out the competition across the kingdom, increased how many plants we had for growing, and recruited more distributors. Three years had passed, and all through the kingdom, my ruthlessness was known. The favorite story for the masses was how I took a rival drug lord and his family captive. Chopped all their arms off and made him eat them, tortured each and every one of his family members in front of him, murdered them, made them into a nice stew, and forced him to eat it. I then made him eat quick dry cement, and tossed that B into a ravine.

Yeah, life was good. I turned that run down shack they called a small mansion, and turned it into a full blown palace. I was living the life, smoking weed, fucking bitches, killing my enemies, and taking long naps by the pool. One day a Pony walked into my office. He was covered in scars and swastikas, “How can I help you, you racist looking dipshit.”

He scoffed and yelled in a thick German accent, “I am here to help you. I am a scientist, sure I mainly focused on experimenting with lesser creatures, but how different could plants be?”

I crossed my hoofs, “A: Where the fuck did you come from, and B: You must have some balls coming here with that shit.”

He rolled his eyes, “Look, zhe Stony, My name is Clyde. I am a Pon-Z war criminal. I made good deals to get here. I just want to show zhe bastards in Equestria, I am truly untouchable,” he saw my glare, “Except by you of course.”

I put my hooves together, “A Pony supremacist, scientist, and one ballsy son of a bitch. Why the fuck not? Welcome to the team you ugly fuck.” I extended my hoof and he happily shook it, but then I pulled him close, “But you try to double cross me, or piss me off in anyway, I will end you. Now go have fun.” I smiled and pushed him away. He actually was a good asset to my team. Sure, every few years he did some sciencey shit and had a new body, but whatever. Anyway, the story is getting close to the end. A lot of shit happens really fast, so pay attention.

A few months passed with nothing exciting happening. Pointless murder, drug dealing, all that jazz. Then some asshole tried to be my competition. His name was Kush, and apparently he was just as good a drug lord as me. I… did not like that, so I discreetly sent word to him, asking for a private meeting in the slums of Drakonia. I was surprised to see he accepted my invitation. I brought McFuckboy, Drakonian Clyde, and the Drakonian I had nearly killed when I first turned grey. I saw met him in the Alleyway, he was alone, and not expecting me to show up with three others, “What is the meaning of this Stony?!”

I walked in front of them, “I’m not a big fan of competition, get it?”

I heard a familiar voice shout in confusion, “Blue?!”

The next thing I knew Energy shot from my horn, I didn’t even know I could do that back then. It just happened out of fear. Then I saw who I had shot, “Doctor?”

Kush ran past me, but McFuckboy’s wings began glowing bright blue, and hundreds of blue feathers impaled Kush, “Damnit fuckboy! Do you have any fucking clue what his men will do?! And Doctor, what the fuck are you do…oh…shit.” There was blood oozing through a small hole in his chest, “You, extra with no name, get a doctor here, Clyde, you and me need to get rid of this body, McFuckboy, if I see you again, you’re dead!” They all listened to me. Me and Clyde dropped Kush into a ravine and headed home. I haven’t seen McFuckboy since that day. I was in a pretty emotional state, I had just injured an old friend, maybe even killed him. That slowly left my mind as I smoked, but it was always in the back of my head. Two days passed with nothing happening.

I had completely forgotten about Umbra, until a brownish grey Drakonian walked in. He was wearing a nicer suit than most of my men. He cleared his throat, “Are you Mister Stony?”

I gave him an annoyed look, “No, I’m just some random asshole keeping his seat warm. Of course I’m Stony you fucking imbecile!”

He chuckled, “Well aren’t you the angry one today.”

His bright mood annoyed me, “What the fuck do you want!”

He held his smile, “I am here to set up a steady supply of your goods to my Master, Shadow, and some for me.”

My anger vanished for a second. Shadow was Umbra’ code-name, “Shadow? I…I…How is he?”

The Drakonian’s joy turned into slight confusion, “He’s… fine. How do you know Master Shadow?”

My anger returned, “That’s my fucking business. Anyway, yeah. I’ll set up some shit. Expect delivery by tomorrow. Now get the fuck out!”

I felt a sudden tightness on my neck, “Listen here, boy. Protecting Master Shadow and his image are my main duties, so if you try contacting him in away, well, it won’t be pretty. Have a nice day now.” I looked down to try and pry off what was on my neck, but it suddenly vanished. When I looked up to kill that bastard, he was already gone, “Whatever, Asshole.”

I decided to research my old friend. He had been through a lot. The innocent infiltrator I knew, was now a War Prince. He nearly wiped out all the Draxe, and took place at the head of every battle since. He even discovered his Destiny Mark during the Great Rebellion, and so did some white Drakonian named Order. I didn’t look further into his Destiny Mark back then, but I wonder what I would have done if I had. Anyway, he had married the princess, Khopesh, and had a child. Her name was Khôra, and I already thought of her as my little niece. Shadow had aced his Love Trials, so the king consented to their wedding. From what I read, it was a beautiful one too. I had been reading up on my main man Shades for three weeks now, and then disaster struck. I saw the smoke spiraling towards the sky, “Men, what the hell is going on?!”

It was Clyde who ran in to report, “It’s zhe orphanage sir. Kush’s men are burning it down. Ve believe zhey are doing it as retaliation for throwing their leader into zhe ravine.”

My heart sank, “How many kids are trapped inside?”

Clyde paused, and looked down. His panic turned into true sorrow, “It is night time sir, zhey vere all sleeping. It looks like none vill make it out alive.”

For the first time in a long time, I felt true sorrow. I stood up and walked past Clyde, “I’m going out for a while Clyde. I’m not sure if I’m ever coming back.” I took the back door so I wouldn’t have to see the fire and smoke. I wandered through town, into the Slums. I just kept walking. I heard the thunderous typing in the sky, and rain began to fall. I didn’t care though, I just kept walking. I walked to the edge of the forest, “The Drakonian Forest of Suffering, or as it’s now called, The Forest of the Damned. Seems fitting, I’m already damned.” I walked through the thick forest, stumbling on leaves, ignoring the sounds of all the terrors around me. I just kept walking. I had ‘Died’, been born anew, shot The Doctor, all but abandoned Umbra, and caused the death of so many innocent children. I was truly a shadow.

I must have fallen asleep at some point, because I heard his voice. He truly lived up to his name, “Trust me, kid, things will get better. They always do. It doesn’t matter how bleak or dark things seem, but it does get better, so what d’ya say?”

That’s when I woke up someplace new. The ground was much softer, and the air felt thinner. It was weird, everything was so vibrant and cheerful, “Where am I?”

A gorgeous green pony walked over, “Man you must be sky high right now. How else could you forget you’re at Ponystock?”

I realized two things that day. I would make it up to Shadow for leading me out of the dark, and that this green Pony would be my one and only from now on, “You are like super gorgeous, ya know that?”

We spent the rest of that day together. I told her my entire life story, down to every boring detail. She didn’t care about all the terrible things I had done, she claimed that it was cleansing my aura. I truly love her, and she truly loves me. It turns out that nap I took was a lot longer than I thought. Shadow had been through so much, but that’s his story, he should tell it. I made friends with Fluttershy, and met the rest of the gang through Treehugger and Fluttershy. Now, I know you must be asking, ‘Stony, why are you telling us your life story?’ and, ‘Stony, why is it invisible ink?’ Well, what’s a better way to start a new chapter of my life, than telling you my previous one? As for the invisible ink, well, you’ll have to wait and find that out for yourselves. And that, my friends, is the Origins of Stony.