Chapters My Little Pony: Humans are Cthulhu
The colors are way too saturated, the world looked flat, yet there was depth. I place my hand in my view and look at the drastic difference. Have you ever seen Who Framed Roger Rabbit? I felt like Eddie Valiant in Toon Town. Where I was live action, and everything else looked like a damn cartoon. I flex my fingers as I look to the trees around me. All with the flat yet bright colors.
I could feel my heartbeat quicken. I had absolutely no idea what was going on, where I was, or how I got here. One minute I'm laying in bed, and the next I jerk awake, drenched in sweat in the middle of the damn woods. I don't know how long I was there, and at the minute I didn't really care.
I'm only glad I was so tired I fell asleep in normal clothing, not pajamas or anything. That would have made this situation infinitely more unpleasant. Didn't have my phone on me, but at this moment that seemed very much low on my list of ever growing priorities.
I stared at my stained hand as I watched the fluid drip onto the ground. At the moment, I was in a state where I barely could put two thoughts together, so I was hardly in the mental state to fully comprehend what I was looking at. I simply wiped the fluid on my pants as I tried to think of what to do now.
I defiantly wasn't on earth anymore, that much was obvious. Unless Toon Town was real. If that were the case, I would expect the trees to start singing or something equally improbable. I took a breath.
"Ok, lets look at this logically."
I was not home, in fact it was safe to say I was not dreaming. No matter how crazy something gets, if it happens in real life, you can tell it is not a dream. Sure it's easy to mistake a dream for real life, no matter what happens, but it is not so easy to mistake real life for a dream unless your dreams are unusually vivid, and mine never were.
From the look of things I was in a cartoon world. Something about it seemed familiar, the art style, if it can be called that, struck me as something I recognized, but I couldn't imagine what it reminded me of. I tried to think of the last cartoon show I watched, but that did not match, this defiantly wasn't Rick and Morty, though as I thought of that I began to wonder if I was in another universe or dimension.
Something to look into when I had the time.
Looking at the white spot on the ground, and doing so objectively I came up with only one theory. The melted look to the colors and even the black outline of the grass itself reminded me of some of my drawings, I drew in ink pens enough to know how water effects ink even after it dried, and I was sweating, and sweat is a solvent. So apparently I now could sweat what might as well be Dip from Roger Rabbit. That was... Disturbing to think about.
I couldn't think of much else without further information. Standing in the middle of the woods was defiantly not good idea, but neither was wandering in some random direction. I took a deep breath as I looked around me, trying to think of what direction to go, I came to the conclusion that without knowing what was going on I had no reference to pick a direction. So I decided to climb a tree to get a better view of the world around me.
"Ape Ancestors don't fail me now.", I said as I grabbed the branch and hoisted myself up.
About six feet up, I was reminded of my fear of heights... Wonderful.
So I climbed, ignoring the instinct telling me to look down as I made my way up the tree. The barks had a texture that trees really shouldn't have, it felt like a tree, but... Smoother, if that makes any sense. I even noted that where I gripped it harder than I meant to would actually smudge, just a bit. Not enough to be immediately noticeable, but still there. I think it was sweat still on my palms.
I thought that was something to keep in mind. As I got higher and higher, I could see further. Mountains in the distance. Looked like something Bob Ross would make, if he decided to make a cartoon. I looked to another mountain and... castle... Castle on the side of a mountain. Very familiar castle on the side of a mountain... HOLY FUCKING SHIT!
The realization of what I was seeing fell upon me like a ton of bricks, and in my shock it caused my grip to fail me and to fall to the ground. I was about fifty feet into the air, and once I hit the ground I knew pain. I groaned for only a second as I tried to move my... The pain vanished. Not lessened, but just disappeared like I was never hurt to begin with. I looked at myself in surprise to not that, while I looked a bit roughed up, I was not hurting at all.
I looked over myself again to try and figure out what was going on, but I was drawing blanks. No my mind was much more preoccupied with what I saw on that mountain, and a crashing realization came upon me as I got to my feet. That castle was Canterlot, this forest is the Everfree, and I am in Equestria.
Waking up in a cartoon world, falling from a tree, not being in pain for more than a second, apparently able to now sweat Dip, and finding out I was in a fictional cartoon I actually knew about. I did what anyone in my situation would do upon this realization. I passed the Fuck out.
"You must admit it would at least cure that temper of his."
The mismatch of parts looked at the rabbit clinging to Fluttershy with evident fear in his eyes. Discord smiled as Fluttershy glared.
"I promise, Lobotomy is painless. Just two taps and BAM! No more evil bunny. Think of all the hassle you could save."
"No means no Discord. Angel is perfectly fine the way he is."
"You say that now, but one day when you least expect it.", said Discord as he snapped his fingers.
A shower suddenly appeared, with Discord taking a bath, before a second Discord appeared behind the first and raised a knife into the air. He tugged at the curtains to bring the knife on the first Discord who was now screaming, said knife turned into a rubber chicken as it fell upon the first Discords head, then a third Discord appeared to pour chocolate syrup down the drain for seemingly no reason.
A snap later and only one Discord lay motionless on the ground clutching a tulip in his claws with his tongue handing limply out his mouth. Then he got up, stuffed the flower down his own throat and looked to Fluttershy as he chewed his snack.
"And you become just another statistic in a random homicidal rabbits rampage of revenge."
Angel blinked at that as he glared at Discord, but Fluttershy took the small bunny in her hooves and snuggled him close.
"No Discord, Angel is the perfect little bunny rabbit, and an absolute darling."
"Well at least consider electric shock therapy.", said Discord as he pulled out a defibrillator.
He threw it to the side as Fluttershy shook her head.
"Fine, I concede. No bunny therapy for Evil Incar... I mean Angel."
"Thank you for understanding.", said Fluttershy with a smile.
Discord smiled back at her before he went to glare at the rabbit, right until he froze solid. He blinked rapidly several times before turning a confused glance to the window. This did not go unnoticed.
"Are you okay Discord?"
Discord smiled as he patted Flutershy on the head.
"Yes, perfectly fine my dear. It's Just... I felt something right there. In the Everfree. Hmmmm, I think I'll go check it out. Be back in a moment."
With a snap, the draconequus disappeared with a flash of light and color.
Discord looked down at the... Very strange thing before him. It looked, odd to say the least. Unusually detailed was the best way he could describe it. He scratched his chin confused as he observed the unconscious thing that seemed to bleach the land below and around him. It was all too confusing, and considering who Discord is, that is saying something. Discord shrugged before deciding that if an animal was hurt, he best take it to Fluttershy, she usually enjoyed that, and it might earn a few more brownie points. Plus, Discord would be lying if he said this thing did not confuse and interest him. He smiled before snapping his fingers.... His eyes widened just a bit.
He snapped them again, and nothing changed.
*SNAP*
"Well, this has never happened before."
With his lion paw, Discord removed his talon from his wrist and examined it before shaking it just a bit. Then he screwed it back into place.
*SNAP*
*SNAP*
*SNAP*
"Oh now this is just getting old."
A thought came to Discord and he snapped his fingers. He smiled as a cotton candy cloud appeared above the ape thingy and began to drizzle chocolate milk on it. With another snap he disappeared and watched from the distance as the liquid came in contact with the creature.
I flailed around as my instincts told me I was drowning, only to find I was covered in... Is this chocolate milk, is it raining chocolate milk? There was only one thing based around Equestria I could associate with chocolate milk, and I smiled because of it. Carefully I stood up, and looked
"Hello, is someone there."
Suddenly, a tall draconequus wearing a black robe and a pony version of a Guy Fawkes mask with the letter 'D' on the forehead appeared before me brandishing a sword made of peppermint.
"My word, does my divine eyes deceive me. Is this real.", said Discord as he looked at the puddle of ink on the ground before he looked back to me.
"How have you done this deeply disturbing deed of diabolical dookie, what dastardly dog, devil, or demon are you who dares defy my duty to deal disaster as I dabble in dark and daunting dreams of dreadful doozies, who is so daft as to defile my dairy drizzle of deliciousness, spoiling the dashing and dare I say it dandy name of Discord the draconequus."
With one smooth motion, Discord grabbed the mask and robes and ripped it off before tossing it away and looking at me with a raised brow.
"Delightful, a dunderhead does come this direction."
You know, I expected a lot of things, Alliteration was not one of them.
"Uhhhh, hi."
Discord crossed his arms as he examined me through narrowed eyes.
"What exactly are you, you look... Very detailed for lack of a better word. Considering who and what I am you should be honored to stump me so."
I don't know why him not knowing what I was disappointed me, but it did.
"I'm a human."
"Never heard of them. Sounds vaguely apey."
"Well, we are close relative to chimps."
"You don't say.", he said bored as he appeared behind me and pulled a very large cartoon flea out of my hair.
Then he ate it. Eww!
"I had planned on getting you to a dear friend of mind in that general direction.", he said as a few fingers materialized all around Discord and pointed in nearly every direction.
"But I find out that for some reason magic cannot work on you, care to explain that?"
"Wait, if magic doesn't work, where did that flea come from?"
"I have no idea what you are talking about.", he said with a too wide smile right as a bunch of fleas jumped from his lion arm and scatter off into the forest. He smiled innocently.
I chuckled a bit at that. Am I taking this well, I feel like I am taking this well. Too well.
"Well, I don't know why magic doesn't work on me. Sorry."
"None what so ever? Well, aren't you well informed.", Said Discord as he crossed his arms.
"Sorry.", I mutter.
"No no, I'm just not used to not knowing something. It has spoiled my mood...", he said before his brow rose and he looked at me with a smile.
"...Incidentally, I find it interesting you haven't reacted to my appearance in the slightest. I defiantly haven't seen anything like you, and I HIGHLY doubt you have seen anything like me. Care to explain that one."
Huh... For a trickster archetype with nigh godlike powers, his powers of observation were nothing to sneeze at. Now I had to answer questions... Delightful.
I'm not one for mood swings, I like to keep a level head about everything going on around me, never thought that a situation like this would be something I could adapt to. Still, the question did catch me off guard. It really shouldn't have, it's a simple enough question on Discord's part. The question was how to answer it.
I could be completely honest, tell him he is considered a fictional character back home used as form of entertainment and to teach morals to children. Not sure how he would take that. The fact that his powers did not work on me was interesting. I had a few theories on that. Conflicting laws of physics being ignored by my body, or rather not even registering. That made sense, magic did not exist where I came from. Though the fact that I could get pelted by chocolate milk rain made it seem that while magic could not directly effect me, it could indirectly be used on me.
I did not know if telling Discord the truth would give him an existential crisis. Last thing I wanted to do was have him, in all his power, begin to question the very foundations of his existence. To believe his life had no meaning, purpose, or value. Discord is essentially a G-rated Eldritch Abomination like Cthulhu or the Chaos Gods of Warhammer 40K as far as this universe was concerned, a benign one. Him being actively malicious as he succumbs to nihilism was a very scary thought.
I decided to provide a psudo-true, but still bullshit answer.
"I'm a watcher."
One of his brows rose as he waited for me to continue.
"Have you ever heard of the Many-worlds interpretation?"
He smiled.
"The Multiverse, you watch the Multiverse? How positively interesting. You must have been exceptionally bored and foalish to risk something like that."
He said risk... That implies that 'looking' into other worlds was dangerous. Not enough details to understand why. Still it meant he knew what I was talking about. There is a chance what he said about it being dangerous was an attempt to trick me. If in fact it was possible to view other universes but doing so was not dangerous, I would basically be admitting I could not actually do it. Discord is a trickster, even if reformed.
Maybe I'm overthinking things. I tend to do that when stressed. Safest thing to do was be vague, but first, I needed to know a bit more.
"You have seen other worlds?", I ask as mysteriously as I could.
"Once or twice, only brief glimpses. Never seen anything like you. I found I couldn't go to other worlds, so I lost interest very quickly."
"We watch the infinite, and transcribe what we see, all we know is stored to be read by future generations."
"Stored where exactly?"
Dammit.
"Within the Interconnected Web-way, the sum of all our knowledge."
Hmmm. I think I just made the internet sound like esoteric forbidden knowledge. Considering what was on the internet... That probably wasn't far from the truth. Regardless I am making myself and by proxy mankind sound like we are the Great Race of Yith.
"I see, so you are a species of very powerful and well informed stalkers and nerds."
Yep, sounds like the Great Race... Sorry Lovecraft, but it's true.
"In a sense.", I say as I stand with my hands in my pockets.
I wasn't offended by being called a stalker, I know an attempt to get a rise out of me when I hear one. Not falling for it Mr. Discord.
"And yet, you have no idea why my magic does nothing to you?"
"We watch other universes, we don't go to them. I have a theory, but that's about it."
Discord looked over me before shrugging.
"Fair enough, you don't seem to be in pain, so I have no reason to stay here. However... I will be watching you... I just realized I don't know your name."
"Oh it's L*%@!)*^#$^>@?~ ."
Discord's eyes widened as he clamped his paws and talons over his ears. I immediately slapped my hand across my mouth as my eyes widened. What the hell was that.
"What the hay was that?"
Slowly, I removed my palm from my mouth.
"I... I think it's my name."
"It sounded like a hundred shards of red hot glass was shoved into my eardrums and decided to play pop goes the pony with my own eyes as drumsticks."
Morbid. Apparently my name was the pony equivalent of Black Speech. Obscured to whatever lexicon I was currently speaking. I needed to think of an alias. Something that wouldn't translate as hell speak from beyond the dimensions.
"Ummm... How about you just call me... Sketch..."
Well, no black speech. Good for me.
"Sketch?"
"Old nickname my friends gave me, I draw a lot."
Discord looked at me with curiosity before smiling. Something about that smile sent a shiver up my spine.
"Alright Sketch. I have a feeling we'll be seeing a lot more of each other. You may prove to be a nice little distraction somewhere down the line. I suggest you go that way.", he said while pointing behind him with his tail.
"There is a town there, once you arrive, well I'm sure you can come up with something. Arrivederci.", and with a snap he was gone.
Okay, recap. I'm currently in what seems to be another universe, one corresponding to My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, I look like a live action character in the middle of a cartoon, my sweat is apparently a solvent and is toxic to the environment. Everything is made of ink or paint, magic does not work on me, and pain lasts only moment before disappearing.
This is drastically different laws of physics, in fact, how am I even able to exist at all. Is the air ink, if it is my lungs should be full of the stuff. Realistically it should be impossible for me to exist in this reality, and yet I do.
I admit, while I feel scared at all this, my curiosity is peaked and now I really want to know how this world works. At the moment, everything I know is suspect, I can't even be sure if gravity exists here. For all I know the ground is not apart of a planet but some expansive landmass that goes on forever and loops back in on itself. Alternate universes is where logic breaks down if they wanted to.
It's the multiverse, if it is possible, then it exists somewhere, if it is impossible, it is possible somewhere else and thus still exists. Logic be damned. Who's to say anything here has to subscribe to science as I understand it. It's a bit overwhelming to think about.
Regardless I saw the town of Ponyville ahead. My goal was if possible to get home. My best bet is to head to Twilight, what with her intelligence, combined with her direct connection to royalty. I stayed on the outskirts for now, I was not entirely sure of the layout of the town, and maybe something here would jog my memory. I could see the road that looked to be on the edge of Sweet Apple Acres, but that was my only real landmark.
"What the Hay!"
I blink and turned around to see... Have you ever seen graffiti that was really well made. Well, in front of me looked like a rectangular hole made of black ink. as the paint moved out, it looked like it was still wet, despite the dry appearance of the borders of the doorway itself. dots of black ink could be seen floating aimlessly around it, almost orbiting it. However what was interesting was what was beyond the doorway.
"Well... This is new."
Not my best introduction.
"Who the... What the... How the... Who the buck are you!"
"Very confused, hold on a minute."
I was never one for social conversation, the time it would take me to enter that portal or doorway or whatever it was would be time to think things through. Interestingly as I crossed the threshold, I got to see that the borders of this gate was completely two dimensional. in fact, if you were to look at it just right, you wouldn't see a doorway at all, maybe the floating dots on ink but not the doorway.
Once I fully passed through it, I watched as the world on the other side seemed to melt, like it was made of wet paint, and it leaked down the doorway, which was leaking itself. Slowly it fell to the floor as a puddle, where it started to shift it's color to match the floor so perfectly, it was impossible to tell where the remains of that gate even were.
It was disturbing to watch, and even more disturbing to think of how it could have gotten there. Did I somehow make it without even realizing. So far it looked like whatever effects I had on the world around me were corruptible, like my sweat and presumably other bodily fluids acting as an acid or a paint thinner or something. Almost as if parts of me just melted the world away.
This on the other hand, this was down right something else. A portal, nothing corruptible about it. Unless something happened on the other side, I made a mental note to check that spot later, see if it had any effect of the environment.
"I said who the buck are you!"
"Call me Sketch, I'm... A bit lost, and I was hoping you could help me."
Short sweet and to the point.
Apparently also confusing based on the look she was giving me. She did not say anything until she blinked her eyes rapidly and looked away. Tears visible in her eyes.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine... It's just... I have a headache. Looking at you hurts my eyes."
Hmmm, I could see that. She was used to seeing a cartoon landscape in a cartoon world, a live action human would probably be something
"Hurts your eyes? Would it help if I leave or remain out of sight."
The concern in my words were there, and she seemed to appreciate them, but she shook her head.
"No, I think I know what's going on.", she said as she shook her head.
"But first, what are you, why are you even here?"
"Well, I seem to be in an entirely different universe. I'm known as a Human, we're bipedal sapient beings from the planet Earth descended from apes. Our species is about... Oh 200,000 years old, though we've only had civilization as we know it for the past 6,000 years."
"That was specific."
"Figure I'd cover my bases."
"Cover your bases?"
"Human expression."
"Right, well. Still, I have to admit, I am excited to learn about you. I can honestly say I haven't seen anything like you in my life. Alternate universes are not very well understood, and ours seem so different that I think it would enlighten a lot of things we could benefit from... That is, if you don't mind.", she asked sheepishly.
Adorable.
"I'm an intellectual myself, I would be honored.", I said with a smile.
She squeed, yes defiantly a squee.
"Oh this is going to be so much fun, oh right sorry Mr. Sketch, I forgot to introduce myself, my name is Twilight Sparkle. Oh I can't even think of where to start."
"How about the thing with your eyes hurting."
"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. I think I can explain that to.", she said with a smile as she moved to one of her book cases to grab a book off the shelf.
It was a book on geometry. I wondered if this had something to do with dimensions. Here from what I could see, ... I can't describe it. It looked like a Klein bottle, but that description seems wrong for whatever is really happening here. If that's confusing, it's because even I don't know how to explain it. I can't even begin to figure it out.
I mean I knew other universes might have vastly different laws of physics, but this seems impossible. It was like this universe simultaneously had more and less spacial dimensions than my own. How does that even happen?
"Do you feel like something is pushing against you from all directions?"
Actually now that she mentioned it...
"Yeah, I do. I didn't notice until you pointed it out."
I could feel as if space itself was trying to squeeze me into a single point while also trying to stretch me out to infinity. Now that I noticed it, I found it very hard to ignore it.
"It looks like you exist in four dimensions. I think that since you are a being whose dimensions are at odds with normal geometric principals, even the dimensions we do share."
"When you say dimensions?"
"Spacial Dimensions. What you consider height, length, breadth, and %F$E^*# may not be what we consider it."
I flinched at that fourth one, but it wasn't too bad. However.... from what I just heard, this universe had no edges, a Klein bottle with 4 spacial dimensions. So why does everything look like a damn cartoon where there is only has the illusion of depth.
"That... Is very difficult to visualize or comprehend. Height, width, and depth obviously exists here, but it's different? Plus this fourth spacial dimension doesn't exist where we come from. It reminds me of a Klein bottle, but not quite. What is going on?"
"Well S^C(*!A+%=X_E#'%$_M&@L)T?J:'<"}O{+*(^D^R&X_C@}!O%N) "
I clamped my hands over my ears. Twilight stopped, her own ears folding backwards.
"Are you Okay?"
"Good God... What the hell did you just say, it sounded like a million Klingon warriors were trying to sing death metal and gargle at the same time after they all tore out their own windpipes?"
"Just the mathematics of the four spacial dimensions of our universe."
"Yeah, don't... Don't do that, it came out like... I do not know how to describe it. When you gave a name to this fourth spacial dimension, I
Twilight raised a brow.
"Hmm. Must be some kind of filter, I do not think we were meant to comprehend each others respective laws of physics, not mathematically anyway. I guess the simplest way to explain it is most, if not all creatures exist in three spacial dimensions, but we know for a fact a fourth spacial dimension exists, we just haven't seen anything like that beyond a few confirmed experiments where we were able to get an object to temporarily exist within fourth spacial dimension, but that was done artificially with magic. You are the first thing EVER to live in four spacial dimensions naturally."
"I exist in four dimensions, and the fourth dimension isn't time. Well, at least I don't have to experience my entire life all at the same time. Here is a question however, if you exist in three dimensions, why do you look like you exist in only two and the third dimension is an illusion?"
"Time is seen as the fifth dimension here actually, but to answer your question I think I can explain that. You say that in your universe there only existed three spacial dimensions, well, maybe you are incapable of perceiving four dimensions, so you see yourself in only three dimensions, while seeing the world with one less, when in actuality I'm in three spacial dimensions and you are in four."
"Your universe must be very strange. Tell me something about it.", asked Twilight.
"Like what?"
Twilight shrugged with her wings. It was cute.
"Well, for us, while we know there are four spacial dimensions, they kind of break our current understanding of mathematics, is there anything like that in your universe.?"
"Well, Black Holes..."
"Black What?"
"...Well That's... Disappointing. Umm, a Black Hole is a region of space time where the gravitational forces are so strong, even light cannot escape from it."
"How would those even form?"
"Black Holes can be formed when a star collapses in on itself. Once all that mass is compressed to a certain point, well a singularity is formed. For a Black Hole there is something called the Event Horizon, it is the point in which gravity is so strong, nothing can escape the gravitational pull, even if you could move at infinite velocity you can't escape the pull, because at that point no matter what direction you go they all point down, in essence you will always be heading towards the singularity. Either way once you hit the singularity, our own mathematics breaks down."
"That doesn't sound like anything I've ever heard of. Our universes must be VERY different from each other. It's amazing you can even exist in this universe as you are, really you shouldn't exist here."
"That does raise an interesting point. Here is a question for you, if I'm incapable of existing in this universe, why do I currently exist in this universe."
Twilight tapped a hoof to her chin as she thought on that.
"I suppose... I think our universes fundamental laws are avoiding you. Space-time itself is bending around you. Like a river moving around a rock."
"Wouldn't that make me invisible? I mean if space and time is bending around me, so would light, and light is needed to see anything."
Twilight giggled at that.
"Had you asked me that a few years ago I would agree, but when we were able to have that rock bounce magic away from it, well it explains your visibility."
"Ummm. You might need to tell me how magic works, it doesn't exist where I came from."
"Wait WHAT! No magic, but then... Ok now I see why you think you should be invisible. Alright, allow me to explain."
Twilight stood up and began to pace around the room, like a teacher giving a lecture.
"Before you start...", I said causing her to stop. "...Try to explain it s simply as you can, we don't want a repeat of that... Black Speech."
"Black Speech?"
"Well, While magic doesn't exist where I come from, the concept of it exists, and has been used within fiction. Black Speech was a language used in a story known as Lord of the Rings, spoken the villains. Regardless, Black Speech is a language that is cruel to the ears, indecipherable, and harsh. My real name causes the same thing."
"Your name? What is your name?"
"Ummm. Are you sure you want to hear it?"
"Yeah, I mean how bad could it be? When I was talking on mathematical principals, I didn't hear anything out of the ordinary."
"You know that is strange, when I say my name, even I hear it as Black Speech."
"Hmmm, that is interesting, but we're getting off track. Can you say your name now?"
"Alright, but don't say I didn't warn you. My name is L*%@!)*^#$^>@?~ ."
Damn that hurt to say, It wasn't a word. It wasn't even a proper sound. Just noise. Twilight's ears folded against her skull as her pupils shrunk to pinpricks. She started to breathe heavy. Even I found the sounds alien and wrong. Interestingly enough, it did not effect me quite as much as when she tried to explain this universes dimensions to me. I kept quiet as she looked at me with wide eyes.
"Yes I can see why you would want to avoid that.", said Twilight lowly.
We remained silent for a moment before Twilight cleared her throat.
"Well, enough of that, I was going to explain magic to you and why you are visible."
"Go right on ahead, I'm listening."
She smiled as she went back to her pacing.
"The thing is, if our physics is avoiding you, that means magic is as well. Magic is completely omnipresent and evenly distributed across the universe. Now normally it passes through everything, even solid objects, all without being slowed down. It has practical applications, for example mages use Telekinesis by using our own magic to increase the amount of ambient magic passing through an object to move it somewhere else within the magical field, and since the field is omnipresent, it can be moved anywhere so long as you can take the strain. In fact it's less moving it, so much as it is sliding it around the field, but I am getting ahead of myself."
"Anyway, at Celestia's School for gifted Unicorns we would often run experiments on fourth dimensional objects, and every time we were able to get an object to exist in four spacial dimensions, it looked... Well it looked like you, with the weird impossible angles and everything. The object would even had an immunity to magic, but that immunity is also what made the spell shift the object back down to normal three dimensional space."
"That still doesn't explain why I'm visible."
"Well, you are invisible, it's not you I am seeing, rather it is the magic bouncing off of you, just like how you can't really see anypony, just the light bouncing off of them, it's just that in your case, it's magic instead of light."
Twilight put a hoof to her chin.
"That could be why you now exist in four spacial dimensions even though you are used to three. I think that magic is avoiding you but it is doing so by actively pushing you into the fourth dimension."
That really did illustrate exactly how alien this universe was compared to me. Back home, everything she just said would be complete and utter nonsense, but then again, different world different laws... Vastly different laws, hell the laws seemed to contradict each other.
Still I think I understood this. I exist in 4-dimensions, but perceive it as three, I perceive the world around me as existing within two dimensions because I am a dimension higher and that is the best way for me to visualize it, and within the fourth dimension magic fails. Oh and the laws of physics in this universe are just as alien as it's spacial dimensions, only it straight up avoids me, which would make me invisible, but because of how magic acts when it avoids something, I'm visible. This was all very strange and difficult to comprehend.
"Weird.", was pretty much all I could say.
"You can say that again.", said Twilight with a raised brow.
"If that's the difference between our physics, who knows what else could be different between our universes.", I said as I lay back against the wall.
"Hmmm, I think we should compare notes. We can't seem to be able to use math to show how things work in our respective universes, so it might make things very difficult to comprehend, but we're going to have to use bare bones descriptions. Everything from physics to biology."
I think I have found someone to talk to. I am excited about this myself. Does that make me boring, I think I'm coming off as Boring. Who cares, I am excited now. However.
"I think, before we do that, I need to bring you up to speed on a few things. Now I really want to get back home if possible."
Twilight nodded.
"I'll try my best to see if I can help you do that.", she said with a smile.
I nodded and returned her smile with one of my own.
"Thank you, but I want to come clean first now when I met Discord..."
I gave her the same bullshit excuse I gave Discord, like I said, I have no intentions of destroying the ponies perception of their existence. I have seen people who experience an existential crisis, it is... Heartbreaking to see. Sure I could tell her the truth, but... I was not the biggest MLP fan out there, not by a long shot. I enjoyed it well enough, but the very last thing I want to do is destroy this place. There is a hint of innocence to everything around me, and from what I can tell, what you see on the show isn't too far from how it really works.
Of course, there were bound to be a few differences here and there. We discussed them. As we did I learned some rather... Interesting details of how life functions in this universe.
Have you ever wondered how new ponies are conceived and born. I know what you are thinking, what kind of question is that, it's the same as how anything is born. Tab A goes into slot B and BOOM! new baby.
Well, that's not quite correct. If you watch the show, you may notice that ponies don't actually have genitalia, in fact when Twilight first asked me how humans breed, she did not believe a word of what I said.
"I don't believe a word of what you said."
I smiled at the small purple alicorn and chuckled.
"It's true, human reproduction is just shooting genetic material into each other until a baby is conceived."
What? You feel like ruining the innocence of an adorable pony with a much more detailed description, I certainly don't.
"I'm finding this genetic system rather awkward.", said Twilight with a glare.
"It is awkward, very awkward. Which is why I don't do it, well that and it holds no appeal to me."
"Huh? What do you mean you don't do it?"
"I'm what is refereed to as an Asexual/Aromantic, essentially I have no desires to procreate or enter into any romantic relationship."
"That sounds... Very sad. You mean you don't want any special somepo..person."
I chuckled.
"Oh don't get me wrong, humans are social creatures, I have plenty of friends, I just don't find any appeal in looking for any significant other, I don't feel like I'm losing out on much. I have had romantic relationships in the past, many ending in the shooting of genetic material into each other. Afterwards, I failed to see the big deal in it all."
"Again with this genetic system of procreation. How does that even bucking work?"
"Well, how are new ponies conceived?"
"Love.", said Twilight like it was the simplest thing in the world.
I watched as she went to her book case and look around. You know, I have read a lot of human in Equestria fanfics, I never did quite understand why some people can't get that different universes are going to be different, like disbelieving that two Alicorns can move the sun and moon in a geocentric solar-system, or that Timberwolves are even a thing because how can a living being be created from dead sticks. Law of Averages, it has to happen somewhere, why not here? If she says ponies are born by love, I'm willing to accept that.
I watched as Twilight set the book on the table.
"Love between two ponies causes a shift in the magical field and results in a young foal to appear using both ponies as a sort of template. Only ponies truly in love can even hope to produce a foal. If what you say is true, accidental pregnancies would happen all the time for humanity."
"And they do. Why do you think there was seven billion of us when I was last there."
Twilight looked to me like I was crazy.
"That's horrible, so there are some human foals..."
"Children.", I corrected.
"...Children who are born to parents who do not love each other. How can that happen?"
"If it can exist it exists somewhere, if it can't exist... It still exists?"
"Now you are getting it. I myself was raised by my mom, no father. A few father figures, but no dad. I had a father, but I did not even know my real father until I was twelve years old", I said with a smile.
"And that doesn't bother you?"
"Not even a little, I still talk to him from time to time, it's not like I hate the guy."
"...Wait, there are some pon... People where you come from who hate their parents?"
"Yep, in fact my brothers... Well Half brothers hated their own father, to be honest so did I. He was... Less than kind to my mother. I don't want to get into details. He treated my brothers like dirt and was a dirty rotten bastard."
"Bastard?"
"A dickhead."
"Dickhead?"
"A Jackass."
"Your brothers father was a donkey?"
"It means jerk, They all mean Jerk. We have a lot of words for jerks, so many that jerks could be categorized."
"Oh, you use some strange words sometimes."
"The English lexicon is like that, it's the gumbo of languages, a little of this, a little of that, you get the idea."
"English?"
"It's what we're speaking, coincidentally your language matches it almost word for word... Almost."
"Ok I get it, but... Still the idea of... Children hating their parents and parents hating their children is... Wrong."
"Where I come from, if babies were born by love alone a lot of people wouldn't exist, me included."
Twilight's eyes widened as she looked to me.
"Wha.."
"I was the product of LSD and the song 'I need Love.' by LL Cool J. I wish I was making that up."
"I understood very little of any of that... But it still sounds horrible.", said Twilight.
I shrug.
"That's just the way things are. From a purely academic standpoint, where I come from, Love is just a series of chemical reactions in the brain that compel animals to mate. What is love here?"
"It's difficult to describe. Cadence described it as an all encompassing force of nature. That's a good description, but it's more like a form of magic that can be used to create life."
"You see, I can accept that, different universes after all, but back home that doesn't make any sense at all."
"It makes sense here.", said Twilight with a smile.
"Touché."
It remained quiet for a long time after that.
"So, you reproduce by love huh?"
Twilight smiled.
"All species here does. Why do you think Changelings are so numerous."
"...That makes a frightening amount of sense. And has interesting implications. Here's a question for you, if love produces foals, what's the point of having two genders?"
Twilight blinked.
"What does reproduction have to do with gender?"
"... Remind me never to tell you about human reproduction ever again.", I said Blankly.
"Ummm, why?"
"Trust me."
"Alright... So what else do you want to talk about?"
Crisis averted. No eldritch knowledge for you today... Well Eldritch from your perspective.
"I think it's about time we get to writing down those notes."
Twilight smiled.
A flash of light was followed by the appearance of a tall toned figure, wearing a red long trench coat with a sword on his back. The Figure looked around and smiled a toothy smile. He observed the familiar forest, and looked at his blade to his side. He smirked as he cracked his
"It bucking worked.", he said excitedly.
His thoughts were interrupted by a growl, and he turned to see a familiar sight behind him. A large winged lion, with a toxic scorpions tail.
"Oh, this is going to be fun.", he said as he cracked his knuckles and unsheathed his sword.
"Alright, I have paper, quills, and inkwells."
"It's okay, I have a pen, I just need some-PINK! HOLY HELL SO MUCH PINK!", I screamed as I fell to the ground in a panic.
Suddenly and rather unexpectedly I had a pink blob cover my field of vision. Took a moment to realize what was going on. There was a very familiar pink pony in front of me, smiling, not a normal smile either, but a smile that said 'I will make you my friend if it kills you.' You know, it looks funny on the show, absolutely terrifying in person.
"Hi!"
"Uhhhhhh!"
"I'm Pinkie Pie, who are you?"
"Uhhhhhhhhh!
"Uhhhhhhhhh! What kind of name is Uhhhhhhhhh! oh Are you an alien?"
"...Yes?", I'm not sure why that came out as a question.
"Well Uhhhhhhhhh! I'm going to ask you a few very important Questions."
"My name is Sketch."
"What, you have two names?", she asked surprised.
"Nope."
Short and simple. I didn't want anything I say to go in one ear out the other, and with Pinkie that is a good possibility.
"Okie Dokie Loki! Why do you look like %#J"*D!$@T crossed over with %$^H&#(@ After eating outer space made of $#*@Q)*^@*# Then playing hop scotch with..."
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! She was still going. My hands clamp to my ears again, though Pinkie didn't seem to notice.
You know what...Fuck it.
"L*%@!)*^#$^>@?~ ."
Pinkie stopped as her eyes widened and she froze on the spot. Her ears had pressed tightly against her head, Twilight's as well. Good to know my name can get even her attention. I was about to say something when Twilight spoke.
"Umm Pinkie.", came a meek voice from Twilight.
She turned her gaze over to the Purple alicorn.
"He's not of our universe, certain concepts... Hurt his ears. Just like his name just hurt our ears."
"Oh sorry Sketch...", said Pinkie with a smile as she turned back to Twilight.
"...Also...What?"
She just blinked.
"Well, when you said... Well anything involving higher dimensional concepts, it translated as something else... Actually How do you even know about that, most of those are new to the field, I don't think any papers have even been published yet."
"Oh, It's how I get around."
Well, that was nice to know.
"Wait, WHAT?", said Twilight as she stared at her friend.
"Yeppers."
Note to self, check for possible wormholes when Pinkie is around. I was about to speak, when I saw something very... Interesting.
There was a thin black line, just floating in mid air, No one else seemed to notice it quite yet.
"Ummm, Twilight."
The Alicorn turned to me, I was pointing at the line.
"What is that?"
She blinked as he eyes turned to the line, her eyebrows rose a few inches. I took a step forward, only to hear my foot hit something. I looked down to see my ink pen on the ground.
Realization crossed my face. Reaching down, I lifted the pen and examined it. I looked back to the small floating like, before putting the pen tip to it, and moved it. A trail of ink following. When I stepped back, the pen stopped drawing.
"What the fuck!"
I stared at the floating squiggle confused as I reached out to tough it, it moved but remained floating. Twilight was observing it as her horn glowed brightly.
"Near as I can tell, it has the same magical immunity as you do. I can't get a proper read on it."
"That's weird, cool, but weird.", said Pinkie helpfully.
I remained silent as I observed the ink pen in my hand. I rolled it between my fingers for a moment before pocketing it.
"I have read enough stories to know something like this is not meant to be taken lightly."
Hell, I've read The Art of Jacob Emory, it is a good creepypasta, but I defiantly did not want something like that to happen.
"We'll test the pen later under better circumstances, right now I think we should just get to those notes of our respective universes.", I said calmly.
Twilight looked away from the strange squiggle. Her observations interrupted as she smiled.
"Hey what's this?", asked Pinkie.
I looked over to see... A white spot where my hands had been.
"I had completely forgotten about that."
Twilight looked at the white spot with a confused gaze.
"It looks like the colors were bleached off.", she said as she took a closer look.
Then she gasped.
"It, no it goes much deeper than that, it looks like the table itself was melting."
Her gaze fell on me with wide eyes. I placed my hands in my pocket.
"I forgot about that, I noticed it before I met Discord, I think my sweat works as a solvent."
"A very powerful solvent. This, might change a few things."
"How so?"
She looked around for a moment before turning to Pinkie.
"Pinkie, I need you to go to Rarity's, Spike is there right now. I need him here ASAP. I need to inform the Princesses."
Pinkie saluted before taking off like the Roadrunner in a Loony Tunes episode.
"That was fast.", I commented.
"That's just Pinkie.", Twilight corrected.
Well can't argue against that logic.
"So, why the princesses?", I asked with a curious gaze.
"If your sweat does that...", she said as she pointed to the table with her wing. "Then I don't want to know how other parts of you might effect anything else."
"Alright, I can accept that, but... Look I just want to go home."
Twilight bit her lower lip as she looked away. Then she took a deep breath.
"That really isn't up to me, whatever the princess says needs to be done, I'll do it. I'll try and get her to help you out, but all I can do is try."
I smiled at that. I think I knew Celestia enough to know she would help me out however she could. I was confidant Twilight's worries were just exaggeration. Everything should turn out just fine.
"I think she'll agree to help send me home."
"If you weren't immune to magic, I could do it right now."
"Really?"
She smiled and gave me a nod.
"Yeah, I think so. It's just a matter of sending you to the right universe, normally everyone has a 'signal' unique to their own universe, or at least that is the theory. Assuming we could figure out your signal, I could send you back, but..."
"Let me guess, magic is needed to find out what that signal is."
"That depends on if the theory is right. If it is, then attuning that signal to find the one that matches yours wouldn't be too difficult, but it would be dangerous."
"Well, we'll just take everything one step at a time.", I said as I put the thought out of my mind, for now at least, but it was something to ponder later.
The Manticore lay dead at the feet of the figure who looked at the corpse with confusion on his face. He frowned at just how fake and cartoony it's insides looked. Like it was made of ham. No ribs, no organs, no anything, just red meat all the way through. He decided to push it out of his mind.
He shrugged before flicking the blood off his sword and turning around to get a better view of his surroundings. He knew what direction he needed to travel, and after sheeting his sword, he began his slow journey to his destination.
"Wait till they get a load of me.", he said as he took the first step, his coat billowing in a nonexistent wind.
"So wait, you have no idea how you made that portal?"
I shrugged.
"None what so ever. I think it's these physical laws conflicting with each other."
Twilight nodded.
"Well, it's possible, but... I think we should go and look where you had the other side of that portal, make sure there aren't any negative effects."
"I'm all for that, maybe after you can send your letter."
Twilight smiled as she shook her wings.
"No, I think the sooner we find out the better. It shouldn't take long, just going to see if there are any effects. If there are the princess will need to know about it."
I sighed.
"If you say so, but I don't think I want to be seen by any ponies quite yet. My visage is rather... Eldritch from your perspective."
Twilight giggled.
"I understand, we'll just go there, preform an examination, then come back whats the worst that could happen?"
Oh God please tell me she did not just say that.
Well, this sucks. I am currently wearing a blanket over myself as Twilight carries a small wagon behind her. If I wasn't so unhealthily skinny there was no way I would fit in this thing. That said, I learned I am a lot more flexible than I thought. Good to know.
"Where was it again?", whispered Twilight.
"The fence around Sweet Apple Acres, it was just on the edge of the Everfree and near a dirt road,"
"I know where that is, once we get there I'll let you out to show me exactly where the portal appeared."
"Can do.", I said as I did my best not to shift to reveal myself.
It was my idea to remain hidden, not Twilight's, so I had to actually do it, but it was a lot harder to remain perfectly still than I thought it should be. So long as I didn't sweat I should be okay. Good thing Twilight charmed this blanket to keep me cool to prevent just that.
Regardless, it took a while to get there, and by the time I was given the okay to come out, I felt like I hadn't moved in days. My joints popped as I threw the blanket off me and stretched my arms.
Twilight's ears folded back.
"Sorry about that."
"No, it's okay, just... Well I never really liked that sound."
"Really, I love the sound of popping joints. A lot.", I said as I stood up to stretch my legs.
Twilight rolled her eyes but looked around to try to get a baring on the current location.
"So where did the portal open?", she asked me while looking around the area.
I was able to see the edge of the Everfree, even able to find the tree I hid behind. I smiled as I pointed at it.
"That's it right there."
She undid herself from the wagon as we moved briskly towards the tree. I have to say, despite everything looking like a cartoon, this was much nicer than the drear appearance of the Everfree. I tried to take in a breath, but it didn't feel like anything actually went into my lungs.
Regardless we arrived at our destination and looked around. There was some drops f ink n the ground, but not much. Twilight's horn started to glow as she examined it.
"Hmmm, I'm not detecting anything dangerous, and the black... Ink seems to be just that, ink. Not like whatever you made with your pen."
"Well, that's a relief, I was worried something bad would happen here."
"I do have to wonder where the ink came from, but... I don't think the princesses need to worry about this. Looks like only your sweat is dangerous... For now anyway."
Good for me.
"Think we should head back?", I asked somewhat reluctantly, I was in no hurry to return to the wagon.
"Yeah I... Ummm Sketch, who is that?
I blinked as I looked to the forest to see... The last thing I ever expected to see. I was floored, mind drawing a blank at what was slowly coming out of the forest. As it came closer, I noticed that it didn't look... right.
It was a...human, but... Something was off. He looked nothing like me. Don't get me wrong, he looked like a human, but he wasn't... Live action, hell he wasn't even a flat animation like any of the ponies. He had a defiant art style to him. It reminded me of the movie version of A Scanner Darkly. He had the same rotoscope style of animation as the characters in that movie. It was weird to see among the cartoon world,
I blinked a few times as I lowered my arm. That was not fun to look at.
Here is a question for you, why the hell does this guy have a damn sword. Also why is he wearing a trench coat. He looked like he was trying hard to be really fucking edgy. You know, Keanu Reeves was in it's A Scanner Darkly, and this guy looked like he stepped out of the damn Matrix. Even had the shades.
Hair looked like shit, like he put hairspray in it after waking up to have that bedhead look to it. It was like he tried to look like he wasn't trying at all while putting actual effort into it. Maybe that was just do to the animation style he had.
His coat looked like it had crude armor sewn onto it, but only on his back and right shoulder. You know, that had always bothered me, why would you only armor one shoulder.
This guy was looking right at me. Glaring like I killed his puppy.
"I am Anonymous. Who the hell are you?"
"Sketch."
"What kind of name is Sketch?"
I narrowed my eyes, not to glare at him. It was more like a non-verbal 'are you serious' look.
"What kind of name is Anonymous."
At least I had an excuse, I literally couldn't say my own damn name.
"CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN WHAT THE BUCK IS GOING ON HERE?", screamed Twilight.
I second that.
The guy turned his eyes to twilight and smiled... Ok that smile had 'I'm going to touch you in your special place' written all over it. It creeped me right the fuck out.
"Twily, you are so much more beautiful in person."
My eyes widened at that as I looked over to the Alicorn, who was giving the walking Gary Stu looking dude the exact same look.
"...Wha?"
"I came here for you, to proclaim my love for you, and all of your beautiful friends."
Twilight took a step back.
Was this guy for real, I think he was for real.
"Wha... But... I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU."
He seemed to stumble a bit, but that smile quickly returned.
"Doesn't matter, I have said what needs to be said. I am willing to wait for you Twilight, all of you."
OK enough of this.
"Obvious Alias, can I call you Obvious Alias?"
And back to the glaring.
"Look dude, I don't know how to tell you this, but you are coming across as super creepy. Like really creepy."
"I don't care what you think, you shouldn't even be here.", he said as he drew his sword.
"I have waited for a very long time for this, and you are not going to mess this up for me.", he said as he pointed his sword at me.
OK I have read a lot of fan fiction, and I think I get what's going on here. Now I do not believe in judging people, everyone has their own vices.I say let your freak flag fly. Hell, I'm a nerd with a deep love of horror, sci-fi, and fantasy who plays tabletop and video games. I read comics and watch cartoons without shame. I even collect action figures. I have a detailed knowledge of pop culture. I am a nerd and proud of it.
That said, this guy was taking that saying to far.
"Mess what up exactly?", I ask as calmly as I could, truth be told, I was as far from calm as you could be.
"Like I have to tell you.", he said as he looked over to Twilight.
Hmmm. I think I see the issue, whats more I think I can fix this.
"Anonymous, why do you want to date Twilight here?"
He blinked at that and lowered his sword. He opened his mouth, but said nothing.
I knew that if this guy started to swing his sword, I would end up dead, mostly dead if I was lucky, but I was no Dread Pirate Roberts. I needed to find some other way to get this guy to chill.
"Well, she is amazing. Hay, all the mane 6 are amazing and beautiful."
Hmmm, that is a bit shallow. I think I can use that.
"Ponies don't have genitals."
That through him through a loop. He blinked quite a lot as he looked closely to Twilight. She shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. Sorry Twilight, I need to see something. What I never claimed to be tactful.
He examined her for a minute, before his eyes widened. His sword dropped to the ground as he took a step back. Looks like I was right. This was not a brony, this was a guy who literally wanted to, as Bill Clinton would put it 'engage in sexual relations with that mare.' You know, I
"But... How... No, no this isn't... THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!"
"Anonymous.", I said as he looked to me.
"You are in another universe, biology as you understand it is null against any possible alien life forms within our OWN universe..." I said, though I wasn't quite sure he was from the same universe as I. "... Why would another universe have anything even closely related to biology as you understand it, the very forces that hold this universe together are different."
"But..."
"Wait....", said Twilight.
We both turned to her.
"You told me about how your species reproduces, did he..."
"Yep, I think he did."
"...With...ME?"
I nodded, and Twilight took a step back from Anon.
"Keep your genetic material spray thingy to yourself!", she said somewhat loudly.
HA! That was actually kind of funny.
I watched Anon as he turned from Twilight to me. Slowly his face twisted into a scowl of rage.
"YOU! This is all your fault."
I'm sorry what?
I could only blink.
"Do I look like a God, I didn't make this universe."
"Shut UP! You are worse than Flash Sentry."
Who?
"Who?", I questioned.
Twilight looked equally as confused. That actually made him pause, and smile like it was Christmas.
"Equestria Girls didn't happen here? Sweet!"
Oh yeah, that was a thing. Never saw it.
"Well now that you have calmed down..."
And the anger was back. Probably shouldn't have said anything. Anonymous reached down and picked up his sword. He twirled it in his hands like he was a Jedi or something, spinning it in a few admittedly cool ways before holding it off to the side.
"Sketch, today... You die."
OK, so psycho. Great just what I need to deal with... HOLY SHIT THAT IS ACTUALLY KIND OF AWESOME.
Anon leapt up in the air, destroying the ground he had been standing on. He took off like Superman, but he wasn't flying, just jumping. He raised his sword high over his head and was coming back down.
You know as awesome as that was, he just leapt over ten meters in the air. Not very practical, I had plenty of time to just walk out of the way and avoid being sliced in half. When he landed it caused a small crater as he stood up straight and looked to me, he looked shocked, but... Really that trick wouldn't work on your average Storm Trooper, and those guys were the standard canon fodder.
He threw his sword at me. I yelped as I hit the dirt and watched it fly over me and impale itself into the ground a good distance behind me. What moron throws their sword anyway.
He raised his fists as he charged me full on and... OK, this was just pathetic.
I got out of the way and he tripped as he overextended his punch. He fell to the ground, but quickly got back up and reached for his sword which... Okay, I know for a fact that that sword was not impaled into the ground right there. In fact, it should have been at least a few meters further back if I remember correctly.
What the actual hell.
"I'LL KILL YOU!", he screamed as he took the sword out the ground and charge me again. Luckily he was quickly stopped when he ran face first into a purple ethereal wall. Said wall wrapped around him and he floated upwards.
"OK, enough of that.", said Twilight as she walked closer to Anonymous.
Huh, apparently magic actually works on him.
"What the Buck is your problem. You are behaving like a foal."
He struggled in her telekinetic grasp, before... Did.. Did he just shatter magic. How the hell do you shatter magic. Based on what Twilight told me, magic does NOT work like that.
"You, you are protecting him... But I thought."
You can think?
He shook his head. I had to look back to Twilight who was staring at Anon with a stunned speechless expression. She took a step back. Anonymous took one forward.
"Why, what does he have that I don't?"
Was he crying blood... Yep that's blood.
"What, I only met him today? We are not dating."
"Yeah, and I have no desire to date ever.", I pointed out.
He snarled as he looked to me. I watched with wide eyes as his eyes began to glow with a fey light and his coat flapped around in a breeze that was not even there.
"I TRIED FOR SO LONG TO GET HERE, I DID EVERYTHING THAT DAMN RITUAL ASKED OF ME! I... I EVEN MADE THE...The sacrifice..."
Sacrifice... Oh god don't tell me.
"She was my sister, she...", blood flowed from his eyes like a river.
I on the other hand was starting to panic. This guy, he KILLED his sister. What kind of psychopathic bastard man child is this guy. I mean, I frequent Fimfiction a lot, I know that there are a lot of people who like ponies a lot more than the creators intended, but what this guy was saying was monstrous.
"You... you sacrificed your own sister?", said Twilight with a low, terrified voice.
She was shivering, eyes wide as she looked at this... This monster before her. I... I couldn't think of anything to say. Twilight however, she was all but dead to the world. Frozen in terror. She could barely comprehend kids hating their parents, I don't think comprehending family killing each other is something she is capable of fully understanding.
I have two brothers, I love them VERY much. The thought of killing them for ANY reason... It made me sick.
"I... I Had to, I did it for you, I did it all for you, I..."
That's it.
While Emo McFucker-nugget was crying his bloody tears I reached into my pocket and pulled out my pen. I have no idea if this is going to work, but there is something VERY wrong with this guy. He just told Twilight, an INNOCENT, that someone is dead, BECAUSE HE WANTED TO MEET HER! Not only that, the person he killed WAS HIS OWN FLESH AND BLOOD.
I live in Louisiana, and say what you will about the south, but we take family seriously down there.
I was always a decent artist, usually though my artwork featured the macabre, eldritch, and alien. I was practically raised on Lovecraft after all. However, I also was decent with super heroes and various monsters.
I pressed the tip of the pen to what to my eyes looked like a two dimensional surface. It wasn't, but physics here was messed up as it is. I drew a straight line, at least I tried to make it straight. After a while I had a rough cylinder before me as I worked on the next part.
Anonymous was attempting to justify his actions, but I was not going to listen to someone try and justify murder. I calmly continued my drawing. I did not have time to shade it in, but that wasn't important right now.
You see, I very rarely get angry, but when I do, shit gets done. I remember in high school, one guy in agriculture class would always fuck with me. We were outside. I knew I couldn't hold my own in a fight with him, but I was always told that no matter what, you never let anyone bully you.
One day the teacher was gone, we were outside and the guy said something. I can't recall what it was exactly, but it pissed me off. I got calm, and I started to think. Like I said, I knew I couldn't take the guy in a fist fight, my arms are like sticks. So I made a calculated move.
I grabbed a rake and chased the fucker away. I was in my right mind at the time, but I did not want anyone else to know I was. The guy ran and I threw the rake at him not to long before the teacher returned. No one said anything to the teachers, but word spread.
My plan worked, much better than anticipated. I was not bullied from that point onward in my life, I had a reputation as a crazy bastard, and that was just the way I liked it.
I was almost finished with my creation. When Anon looked back to me.
Shit!
"What the hell. Oh I get it. That is why you call yourself Sketch, whatever it is you are drawing won't save you. You are dead."
I hurried to try and finish it only for Anon to make it to me faster than he really should have been able to. I rolled to the side as a blast of purple magic pushed him out of the way. He didn't seem to notice, even though it did successfully move him. I think he was in too much of a rage to do anything. Regardless I took off towards the fence of the Apple Orchard.
"TWILIGHT, I'M GOING TO TRY AN LOSE HIM, GO GET HELP!", I screamed as I took off into the Orchard.
I looked to my creation, it wasn't finished yet, but it was getting there. Unfortunately some of the lines appeared to be smudged. Some of it even fell away to become inert ink. Still it was mostly in one piece.
I was drawn from my thoughts when I heard a strange sound, and turned to see Anon rip a whole apple tree from the ground without even struggling and toss it at me with one hand. Like before, he was aiming for where I was, rather than where I would be. Thank god this guy is an idiot, if someone competent had that kind of power I think I would be fucked.
The tree hit the ground hard as Anon did another one of his superman jumps, only this time he was holding two trees in his hand that he tossed at me.
I took a sharp turn and ran off to the side. Apparently for some reason he expected me to run in a straight line because when he landed he looked at me shocked. Seriously, what the hell was so shocking about changing direction.
I watched him reach for his sword... Wait, didn't he already have it out. What is with this guy and being inconsistent.
Whatever, he grabbed his sword and charged at me in that stereotypical anime fashion, you know the one, where you bend you body forward at the waist while your arms fly behind you. It looked super dumb in person, even if he did have that rotoscope style to him.
For some reason, that stupid pose made him run faster, a lot faster. I moved as fast as I could, only to stop when I saw something appear before me. A purple shimmer in the air. Looks like either Twilight was back, or she never left and followed us.
I made it past the purple shimmer, and turned around to see Anon crash into it. Like a spring it tossed him into the air where a sphere
"Twilight... Why?", he said, sounding actually hurt.
Maybe it's because you're a damn winy little bitch who KILLED HIS SISTER.
He struggled against the barrier casing each one to pop. Twilight looked over to me.
"Whatever it is you are making, do it fast, I can't hold him much loner."
I concentrated on my drawing, it looked a bit more crude than I intended, but it would serve my purpose, assuming it would actually work.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I present a rough sketch of the Smith & Wesson Model 29 .44 Magnum. The same gun used by my favorite Clint Eastwood character Dirty Harry Callahan. I suppose I could have went with the .357 Magnum or the .44 Auto-mag, but I like the classics.
I was rather surprised that the cylinder could actually revolve and even had bullets in it. It looked like it would work.
Good thing to, because Anon had just landed hard on the ground, somehow on his feet.
I took the proper stance to prevent any injury to my wrist, and aimed just at the Bastards feet and pulled the hammer back. Then I pulled the trigger.
Damn that was louder than it really should be.
The rambling emo quietly shut the fuck up as he looked to me with shock in his eyes.
"Never bring a sword to a gunfight, now DROP IT!"
And like the little bitch he was he dropped it. I was tempted to shoot him in his face, but... I'm no killer. I looked over to Twilight, she looked a little bit better now. Good, but I think I'll have to talk to her about this later. Right now I had someone to deal with.
Anon looked about ready to shit himself. He was on his side, eyes closed with his hands raised to surrender, all while doing his damnedest to be anywhere other than where I was pointing.
"Hold still."
He froze, all while those blood tears fell down his cheek.
"Oh GOD! Please don't shoot me. I'm sorry, I...I didn't want to do It, I... I just wanted to come to Equestira.", he said while bawling.
I... Well as much as I despised him, I still lower my pistol.
"Why the hell would you want to come here, you have a life back home."
"My life sucked, I... I don't have anything to live for back there."
"Do you have friends, family, people who care about you. Then you have something to live for.", I said not even trying to hide the rage in my voice.
"They didn't care about me.", he said as he rubbed his eyes and moved to stand, leaving his sword discarded on the ground.
"Why do you say that?"
He didn't say anything. He only cried.
"That's what I thought. You're a sick bastard, you killed your own sister to live out an egocentric power fantasy. You don't love any of these ponies, you don't even know what love is. A person who knows what love is doesn't kill their own family."
He started crying again. I looked over to Twilight, who was looking right at me before looking to Anonymous. She took a calming breath, but she was sill shaking. Being told someone is dead because someone you never met wanted to meet you can't be good for her. I frowned as I looked back to Anon.
"What should we do with him?", I asked.
Twilight frowned.
"I'm not sure, Magic kind of works on him. Unlike you. Maybe we can send him home."
"Then send him away to another universe. Doesn't matter which."
Twilight looked at me with shock.
"But, but that could... could kill him."
"He wanted a fresh start, just send him away. I don't care if it's his own personal paradise or hell, I just know he doesn't belong here."
Twilight looked at me for a long moment as I turned back to Anon, who was looking up at us. Eyes wide as I caught the sight of a faint glow in the corner of my eyes.
"No wait..."
And like that he vanished. No flash of light, no wormhole, no slow fade, just one moment he was there, the next he wasn't. I took a deep breath, and fell onto my knees as I dry heaved. There was no food in my stomach to come out, but I could feel the acids trying to escape. I made a face as I swallowed. I saw what my sweat did to this world, I did not want to see what acid would do.
Once I got my breathing under control I felt something on my back. I looked over to see Twilight looking at me with concern.
"Are you alright?"
I nodded, I didn't trust myself to speak. After a while I was able to calm myself.
"Where did you send him?"
"I don't know... To be honest, I don't want to know.", she said shaking.
I... Couldn't think of anything to say, so I just reached out and put my arm around her neck. She leaned against me as she stared to cry.
I burred it deep down inside, I could vent or talk to someone about it later, right now, someone needed my help, I only knew her for a day, but she's a friend, and at the best and worst of times, friends help each other.
Anon Awoke to find himself in a strange library. He blinked a few times as his vision began to slowly come to. He looked around only to see a somewhat familiar face looking at him.
"Hey there, my name is Dusk, Who are you?"
Anon blinked at the purple male pony as he stood.
"Umm, Anon, you can call me anon. Dusk right, where am I exactly?"
"Oh, you are in Equestria, I'm Sol Invicus personal student."
"Sol Invictus?"
"The Prince of Equestria."
Anon blinked at that, it looked like he was in some version of Equestria where the genders were flipped around. Well, at least that human wasn't here.
"What, no princess?", he asked in jest.
Dusk rose a brow at Anon.
"Whats a princess?"
Anon blinked at that. He looked to the male version of Twilight with confusion.
"Umm, a female prince?", he said confused.
Dusk blinked.
"Whats a female?"
Author's Note
No this is not, and will never be a romance story in any way, shape, or form. No pairing because, well I don't care for it. This is mostly a Deconstruction of Humans in Equestria stories by making all humans who appear borderline Eldritch Abominations in some way or another. You saw two examples, and If I get more ideas, you may see even more.
Also, no offense is intended by the character of Anonymous, he is the a mentally imbalanced Gary Stu taken to it's logical extreme. He's less poking fun at any who find ponies attractive, and more at characters who are misanthropic to the extreme.
My Little Pony: Humans are Cthulhu
It hit pretty hard. Like the sky had fallen on me at a sufficient enough velocity to turn the earth below me into a new asteroid belt. It was a realization that I should have known would hit sooner or later. I was probably stuck here, whats worse, I am literally unlike anything else in this universe and have no idea how deep this rabbit hole goes. Who knows how strangely my biology can effect the world surrounding me.
I wanted to see my friends and family, I wanted to play video games with my best friend as he kicks my ass at Marvel vs. Capcom 3, I wanted to know how Game of Thrones ended and talk about it at length about it with my brother. Hell, I wanted to go crawfishing with my grandfather despite how much I hated it. I just wanted to go home.
The thought that that my not be possible scared me, scared me on a primal almost fundamental level. I shook a bit but did not let it show, not yet. I can talk about this later. Right now, Twilight had finally calmed down and everything had died down. We sat there, staring at the spot Anon once stood.
"Spike is probably back by now.", I said to break the silence.
Her ears twitched as she turned to me. She still seemed down, but at least she was responsive. That said she did remain quiet.
"You alright?", I questioned.
Yeah, it sounded better in my head.
"...Someone is... is dead because of me."
The tone she used was absolutely haunting, I actually shuttered.
"No, I don't care what that bastard said, you are not at fault for anything. He was a damn monster, plain and simple. He didn't deserve his sister."
Twilight gave a small, barely perceivable nod as she looked to me.
"I think we should... No, lets just go back."
"You got it, I'll get back in the wagon."
Despite herself, Twilight giggled. Made me feel a little bit better.
As I squeezed myself into the wagon, my thoughts turned to Anonymous. He was a human, like me. However he could do stuff, casually rip trees from out the round and toss them like he was tossing a stick. Seemingly he could alter reality to suit his needs. Like how he landed near his sword despite that sword previously being much further away.
It was like the universe decided everything he did was going to be done in the most visually awesome, yet impractical of ways. Almost like he could call upon the powers of bad writing to do stuff. I mean on paper what he was doing would sound cool, but in practice, not so much. It was minor, nothing too drastic, but enough to make me think of my own situation.
My sweat made stuff literally melt after a sufficient period of time, what else did my presence cause. Could I unknowingly tear the very fabric of reality and existence apart at it's seems as ponies knew it. That was not getting into what I could do that I have yet to discover, my ink pen showed me that I could probably do a lot more than I thought.
For example, this Pistol of mine. At the moment it still looks like it could function, but it was crudely made, and its outlines were starting to look more like smudges than any borders. It wasn't going to last very long, not at this rate. Still, I should probably test it out. However the mere fact I could conjure things into being was rather... Frightening to think about.
Power corrupts after all.
Sure drawing things into existence was cool in and of itself, but could also be potentially dangerous for myself and those around me. I had no intentions of accidentally destroying this place by drawing what I usually do. I sincerely doubt any situation could be improved by animating a Shoggoth or Dracula into being.
I must use this power for only good. Also I really did not want this to fall into someones hands.... Or hooves now that I thought about it.
"Sketch, we're here."
Huzzah! Freedom at last.
And more popping joints. I don't know why I love that sound, but I really do.
You know, before I was much to busy sorting everything out to notice, but... This was the Golden Oaks Library, which last I remembered was destroyed by a certain magic eating centaur. I don't know how to ask about that without revealing future knowledge, after all I said I view dimensions, not time. But I'm just going to assume I simply fell into being before that whole mess with Tirek started. Less hast.e that way. Ok now that we got...
"PINK! OH GOD WHY THE PINK!", I screamed out loud as I fell to the floor.
You know, I'm glad pain here only lasts a second.
I got to my feet to see the pink mare bouncing excitedly in front of me.
"There you are! I was wondering if you went somewhere I looked in the bathrooms, in Spikes room, in Twilight's room, under the bookcases, in the basement, behind the books, under the table, in the kitchen, then I made cupcakes because I got really Hungry so I had to leave Spike here all alone so I could get the ingredients from home, because I didn't want to use any of Twilight's, and on my way back I realized that I could have just made them over there, but came back anyway because Spike was probably hungry, so I made cupcakes, and then I heard the door open and I saw Twilight with a wagon, but I didn't see you so I got sad, but then you started to move and make those pop pop popping sounds and I got happy again and here you are! Wanna cupcake.", she asked as she handed me said cupcake with a smile.
You know, I think a lot of that was one continuous sentence.
"....Uhhhhhh!"
I think that is my new catch phrase.
"No thanks, I'm... Not hungry?", I said confused.
Actually, now that I thought about it. I haven't really eaten anything since I got here. I don't feel hungry. I wondered if I could even eat the food here. Something to test out later.
"Okie Dokie Loki.", said Pinkie as she shoved the whole cupcake into her mouth.
I think the wrapping was still on it.
Twilight had retreated upstairs by now, and I had time to think.
Anonymous was strange to think about. He reminded me of Gary Stu types without flaw, yet everything he did was done in such an over the top impractical fashion that it was almost pathetic. Looked cool, but still pathetic. It did make me wonder of my own existence, was I some kind of Gary Stu, that though was not a pleasant one. I mean I hate Mary Sues and Gary Stus, and to be something you fundamentally loathed... Jesus that sounded whiny.
I didn't dwell on that too much, really I just wanted to get the hell out of Dodge and get home. From what Anon said, he did some stupid ritual to get here, one that he needed to kill to complete. I just kind of woke up here.
You know, if I could pick a universe to go to, My Little Pony wasn't on the top of that list. No I would much rather something like... Actually scratch that, when you get right down to it no universe seemed appealing.
I mean sure, you can interact with your favorite characters, but then you would have to be apart of whatever crazy stuff they would have to deal with. Plus there is an old saying, Never Meet Your Heroes.
I know for a fact that if I met Han Solo (May he rest in peace also damn you Kylo Ren) and it turned out he hated me, well I probably wouldn't take it to well.
Oh wait... Pinkie was talking to me.
"...And then I pulled him out of the giant monster cake and saved the day, and that is why Poison Joke and Cake don't mix."
"...I'm sorry, I totally zoned out there, what were you talking about."
"Oh just..."
She stopped talking as the sounds of hooves on wood came from the stairs and I looked to see Twilight come down with a familiar purple Dragon. You know, even as a carton, spike looked absolutely adorable, like a purple iguana that learned to stand on it's back legs and talk. Also as a plus, he could breathe green fire at will.
I wanted one. I will feed him, and hug him, and love him, and pet him, and walk him, and call him George.
"Whoa!", said Spike as his eyes fell on me.
He put rubbed his eyes before looking back to me again.
"Don't take this the wrong way dude, but you are really hard to look at."
I chuckled a bit as I turned to Twilight.
"Am I really that ugly."
She shook her head, and sighed at my poor attempt at a joke as she trotted over to the table.
"The message has been sent, now we just wait for a reply."
I nodded as Spike took a seat near me and observed me with a curious gaze.
"You have claws."
"Hands actually.", I said as I wiggled my fingers.
It did not escape me that Spike made a face, but it was brief. He looked like he wanted to say something more, but couldn't put it into words.
"Something you wanted to talk about?"
"Not really, just never seen... Hands like that. They look like sausages, or really stiff worms."
He looked sheepish at his wordings and Twilight turned to him with a small glare.
"Now Spike, that isn't nice. Tell Sketch you're sorry."
I raised my hand.
"No it's alright, it's not rude if it's true. Just brutally honest, I've been been called worse things, trust me."
Twilight sighed, Spike seemed to groan, almost like he knew something was coming.
"That is not the point, it's rude."
Hmmmm, I wonder.
"Have you ever considered...", I said with a smile. "...That comparing ones fingers to worms is great declaration of peace and friendship among my people?"
Twilight blinked rapidly for a while as she looked between me and Spike. The dragon seemed to be looking at me with a smirk. After a moment, Twilight settled on looking at me.
"is it?"
I barked out a short laugh.
"Not even in the slightest."
"Then why say something like that?"
"Because reasons."
Spike laughed as he rolled on the floor. Ah, humor, the Great Ice Breaker.
"I like this guy, so Sketch Twilight says you are from another... What was it again?"
"Another universe where apes evolved into a sapient species and where the laws of physics are drastically different from our own."
"Yeah that...", said Spike as he turned back to me. "... Anyway, I was wondering, you got dragons back home?"
I shook my head.
"Sorry, no dragons. We have a few species of Lizards we call dragons. Komodo Dragons are the biggest of them, they have a septic bite, but they are rare and only live on a few islands. That is probably the closest thing to dragons we have... Not counting dinosaurs."
Spike did not seem to like that answer, but became very curious up at the mention of dinosaurs.
"Whats a dinosaur."
And thus I introduced a young dragon to great and fantastic beasts and endeared him to me to this very day. Well, not exactly. I thought he would find them interesting, but...
"So, basically giant bird lizards... That sounds cool I guess."
Ow! My childhood. Dammit, it's dinosaurs, be impressed dragon... Huh, it sounds a bit stupid for a dragon to find Dinosaurs awesome now that I think about it.
I sighed as I looked around the room and...
"Where's Pinkie?"
"Oh, she's in the kitchen.", said Twilight.
I really need to pay attention to my surroundings better. Also Spike burped up a scroll, I should have expected that, but seeing it in real life is very odd to say the least.
"That took longer than expected.", said Twilight as she levitated the scroll towards her to examine it.
I drummed my fingers as her eyes scanned the paper before she rolled it up and calmly placed it on the table.
"Well?", I asked.
Twilight smiled.
"Celestia is willing to trust my judgement for now, but she wants to meet you."
"Really, when is she going to get here?"
Twilight gave me a deadpan look, the same look you give someone you suspect my be a lot dumber than you previously thought.
"You do know she is a princess and is very busy, she can't just drop her duties to fly over here and meet you. We have to work around her schedule, not the other way around."
You know, put like that, it does sound really stupid of me to expect that.
"Either way, she says we can take our time, but I think we should go soon, maybe tomorrow morning."
"Works for me, so what do we do until- OH GOD PINK!"
Face meet floor. Oh also GOD DAMN YOU PINKIE!
"Oh I have an idea, we could have the girls meet Sketch. I bet they would like him. He's an alien monkey dimensionally aware observer whose species has been watching us, I'm sure they would like to know we are constantly being stalked by aliens we can't even see."
Pain is gone, also way to Pinkie, you made all of humanity sound uber creepy. I noticed Twilight looked suddenly very uncomfortable as she tried to look around the room to see the unseen things that were probably watching her, studying her, observing her, judging her... Great now I'm making humanity sound creepy. Oh and Spike was laughing at me because I was still on the floor.
"Not funny."
"It's kinda funny.", said Spike.
I said nothing as I returned to my seated position.
"Well?", asked Pinkie.
Twilight tapped a hoof to her chin.
"Well, I suppose so..."
Twilight's words were cut off by a series of sharp knocks at the door, a muffled and familiar voice could be heard on the other side.
"Twi, It's Applejack, someone done uprooted my trees. I need your help to find out who done it."
"Oh yeah, those trees were commercial property.", I said Blankly as I looked to Twilight who suddenly seemed to feel really small if I understand the body language correctly.
"Come in AJ, but... Well I have a guest."
The door opened.
"Well ah don't know who it is, but this is very impor... What the hay?"
"Hi!", I said with a wave.
Applejack stared at me for a moment before moving to Twilight to say something, before her mouth shut and she looked back to me with a raised brow and a quirked head. Took a moment for her to find her voice.
"Twi?"
"Yes Applejack.", asked Twilight with a strained smile.
"Why is there a deformed funny looking hornless Minotaur looking thing sitting in your chair?"
Element of Honesty everyone.
"Ummm... This is Sketch, he's... Not from around here... Or anywhere we define as here."
"Say what?"
"He's a higher dimensional creature from another reality."
"And he watches us all the time..", said Pinkie with a smile.
"Not all the time.", I defended.
"Just most of the time.", quipped Spike with a short laugh.
Applejack stood there looking at what to her was a three dimensional representation of a fourth dimensional entity that normally was a three dimensional entity before being pushed into four dimensions because the universe did not want to have to deal with it and holy hell that is confusing. Either way she looked like she wanted to say something but seemed to have lost her ability to form words.
"It's a long story.", said Twilight.
"Why does it look like that? Uh, not that you look bad, but you look... Well like you don't really belong with everything else... Ah am sorry if that came out mean, but... You got this strange look to ya."
"No offense taken.", I said with a smile.
"That is the closest our brains can come to understanding a fourth dimensional entity.", said Twilight.
"He does look a little funny though, like someone started to make him and decided not to stop making him.", said Pinkie helpfully.
"Right, well anyway ah am sorry about this, but my trees, three of 'em just..."
"Heh, well it's funny that you mention that.", said Twilight as she tapped her hooves together.
Applejack turned from me to give 'the look' to Twilight. If you ever had a friend who did something really stupid, well you know what look I'm talking about. The 'You dun goofed' look.
"Twi, is there something you want to tell me?"
Twilight seemed to fumble on her words, it was adorable, but also served to have Applejack become increasingly impatient.
"Yeah, about that.", I interrupted.
All eyes were now on me, suddenly I felt very nervous.
"Another human, that's my species by the way, one who seemed to be from a different universe than I showed up out of nowhere, and started to do highly improbable things, like rip trees out the ground to throw at me because he was a sociopath who happened to also be a whiny little emo git. He's gone now by the way."
Applejack gave me 'the look' as she examined my expression.
"I promise AJ, we can fix it, we'll put the trees back where they go."
"You see, Twilight will put the trees back, problem solved."
Twilight was now glaring at me.
"I'll do you one better, Spike can help out to."
And now Spike was glaring at me.
"What the hell, I'm feeling generous, Pinkie can help to."
Pinkie was...Okay. That was not a glare, not in the slightest, but it promised pain.
"... Alright I'll help."
"Well, thank ya kindly.", said Applejack with 'the smile', if you know the 'you dun goofed' glare, you know 'that smile'.
Twilight gave the same smile.
"I'll get the wagon."
Damn you Anonymous, you Gary Stu Self Insert asshat, damn you to the deepest pit of hell to be company for the devil, preferably the one depicted in Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny. You get to be Kage, you just lost the rock-off, and there is no Jack Black to save you.
Applejack offered to pull the wagon, said wagon I was laying in as uncomfortably as possible. Good think I'm not claustrophobic... yet.
The spell keeping the blanket cool did not apparently work as well as I thought. There were a few white spots on the bottom of the wagon, with a dark ring around it. I brushed my fingers across one and found to my shock that one of the spots was concave. Like the metal of the wagon itself warped just a bit.
I sincerely hoped that this wagon ride wouldn't last much longer, having a caustic touch really was going to make things difficult. I was probably stuck in my clothes I was now wearing, anything else would probably just melt away. Would I be able to shower or bathe ever again, or would the water itself melt into ink, something else I needed to test out.
I sighed as I shifted very slowly to face upwards.
"Don't move so much, you're the one who doesn't want to be seen.", came the hushed whispers of Twilight.
"Sorry.", I whispered back.
This really was uncomfortable, I was considering just letting the cat out of the bag, but now seemed like a bad time. I closed my eyes. I really wish that we would get there already, contorting my body was starting to get painful. I sighed. Then something happened.
I felt the unusual sensation of falling before I hit grass. I grunted in pain that lasted a brief moment as I looked up to see another Ink Portal hovering a few feet above me. Still covered by the blanket, though not for long. The Blanket was removed and the face of Twilight could be seen staring down from that portal above me.
"Sketch, oh thank Celestia, I saw the blanket fall and Applejack tripped from the shifting weight, are you okay, where are you?"
I looked around to see I was surrounded by trees, one of which was fallen and not far away from me. I blinked.
"I'm apparently at our destination.", I said confused and surprised.
Twilight looked like she wanted to say something, but the inky portal began to melt and I barely got enough time to roll out of the way of the large amount of ink that landed right next to me. A lot of ink still got on my clothes, but not as much as it could have been.
I slowly got to my feet and brushed off my jeans and clothing as I watched the ink slowly merge itself seamlessly with the landscape. That was very unusual to witness, but I had work to do. I figure since I'm already here, might as well get to work.
That said I am not lifting a tree.
So, how does one lift a tree when one has never exercised in his entire life. Well that's why nature saw fit to provide us with a brain. I needed to better understand how my being interacts with the world around me, a good place to start was with the very ink pen in my pocket, I don't know it's full capabilities quite yet, and I would much rather test it in a controlled manner.
It didn't have much ink before I got here, not with my drawing habits. Maybe if I better understood how what I drew worked I could figure out how to know when to need it. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the .44 and gave it a good examination. It still functioned, at least it looked like it, but for the most part it looked like it wouldn't last much longer if I held it too much. The handle was just about gone and the hammer was warped, but it still looked alright.
Taking an aim at the tree, on one of the larger roots, I pulled back the hammer, braced myself and pulled the trigger.
There was none.
Well, that's not entirely accurate, it looked like the bullet, rather than pass through, had simply splattered across the tree. Some of the tree itself had splintered, but not as much as a .44 should cause. Good thing Anonymous was to scared or stupid to figure that one out.
That said, at the velocity which it moved, it could defiantly kill someone if hit someone just right, but on average it would barely get through clothing. Probably would require multiple shots to put anything down. Still, it gave me an idea on the limitations on what this pen could do, not enough to make any grand conclusions, but enough to know where to start.
"Oh, someone looks lonely."
I blinked at the sudden words as I turned to see... Nothing behind me. What the hell.
I turn back and...
"Boo!"
And I fall to the ground screaming as Discord laughs at my attempts to straighten myself up.
"Priceless, absolutely priceless. I just scared a fourth dimensional entity, that must be a record for something."
"Where did you come from?"... Yeah as soon as I said that I knew I just asked a stupid question.
"Oh that is a long and complicated story much too graphic for your young ears. Lets just say magic can have a very twisted sense of humor. Also you can't understand it without knowing how to turn a circle inside out without using the third dimension."
"Riiiight, what are you doing here anyway?"
"Well, I was just in the neighborhood. I've been watching you, love the little scrap with that Anonymous guy by the way."
"You saw that?"
"My boy I see everything, well not everything but I see enough."
"Yeah, I'm just going to pretend you aren't always watching me."
Discord shrugged.
"Whatever gets you through the night."
I sighed as I looked from Discord to the tree.
"Any chance you can help me put these back where they go?"
"You have a better chance of falling slower than an anvil."
"I'm sorry, what?"
In response, Discord smiled and pulled out two objects, one was a feather, the other an anvil.
"Normally this wouldn't work with a feather, but well, I am me so I can cheat. Anyway it's good for a demonstration.", said Discord as he released both the anvil and the feather simultaneously.
I watched as the two objects fell and... What the actual hell. The anvil was falling slightly slower than the feather. I think the laws of this universe just do not care.
As a great man once said, The more I see, the less I know for sure.
"Everything falls faster than an anvil, this is especially the case with anything alive, in that case the anvil will always land on someones head, usually the individual who is also falling."
I watched as the anvil fell very slowly, then the feather finally landed, and suddenly gravity remembered it existed and the anvil fell at a seemingly normal speed landing so hard that it left a perfect silhouette of the anvil in the ground.
"OW! What the... Oh hey, an anvil. Oi Rover I found me an anvil?"
"Leave it, it no shiny pretty shiny gem."
"You said Shiny twice."
"Shut up Benji."
I looked down into the hole to see two Diamond Dogs looking at the anvil before digging away. One had a very noticeable knot on the top of his head.
"That's the thing about chaos magic, it's still magic, it is just magics sense of humor."
"Why were there two Diamond Dogs underneath Sweet Apple Acres?"
Discord frowned while looking at me like I was the crazy one.
"Because otherwise the anvil wouldn't have fallen on anything, meaning it wouldn't have been funny, and therefore pointless. I thought that was obvious?", said Discord with a smirk.
I thought on that for a moment. That sounded familiar, very familiar. I turned to Discord.
"Were the Diamond Dogs there before you dropped the Anvil?"
"I honestly don't know. Maybe, and maybe not. I'm the spirit of Chaos, not the God of it.", said Discord plainly.
Well, that was interesting to ponder.
"Alright, lets say two ponies are falling and so is an anvil, how would the anvil know which to fall on?", I asked calmly.
"Now that is an interesting question, one that deserves an answer. However it's poorly worded, the anvil wouldn't know who to fall on, for the anvil is itself a slave to magic, it is magic that decides where the anvil will actually fall, but the anvil will almost certainly fall on whoever magic deems better deserving of having the anvil fall on them. Consider it cosmic karma."
Oh my God it's cartoon physics.
"Can anyone use chaos magic?"
Discord barked a laugh.
"Oh ho ho, you don't really expect for me to answer that do you, sorry my bipedal amigo you'll just have to figure that out on your own. Besides, even if they could, magic avoids you like the plague, you couldn't even if you wanted to."
"True, but if I knew how it worked, I could apply it to various tasks.", I said mostly to myself.
Discord raised a brow.
"And pray tell, how would you apply it?"
"I have absolutely no idea, but maybe I can indirectly cause things to go a certain way, rather than your much more direct method.", I'm applying logic to Cartoon Physics, it's official I've lost my god damn mind.
"What a clever monkey you are, granted I'm not sure it would work for you, but it is something I look forward to seeing you try figure out, it's bound to be entertaining if nothing else... Well entertaining for me, for you not so much. Probably more than a bit painful actually, so do get on that, preferably while I am watching, which is almost always by the way."
Considering I told Discord I was a watcher, the irony was not lost on me. Well, I figure since Discord was here, I might as well ask questions.
"You know, you just called yourself a Spirit, but not a God, what exactly is the difference?"
"Are all humans as curious as you are?", asked Discord as he buffed his claws on his coat.
"Generally yes, so Gods and Spirits, whats the difference?", I pressed.
Discord sighed.
"Gods are infallible. Spirits on the other hand, well..."
Discord sighed.
"You know, a lot of ponies like to assume that spirit means ghost, that could not be further from the truth. No, I'm a spirit in the same way somepony may have the spirit of their country with them, or the spirit of the law in court. It's abstract, like... Well like me. The only difference is I have a will of my own. Much more fun that way."
"Huh, never thought of it like that."
"Then obviously you don't think much.", said Discord as he reached behind his back and pulled out a giant novelty pocket watch out of nothing much.
I chose not to comment on the insult. Mostly because I was bound to lose against an abstract cosmic force.
"Well enough chit chat and dilly dallying, I have places to be, ponies to meet, and chaos to sew. Oh and do try and be entertaining remember, you do have an audience."
It was at this point Discord pointed to a large crowd of Discords all looking at me, a few waved, a few were taking pictures, a few seemed disinterested, and one seemed to be arguing with a cactus that was also somehow Discord. Ooooookay.
"Ta-ta!"
And with a snap of his talons, Discord and his posse of Discords all disappeared in what was presumably a puff of logic.
Well that was enlightening.
"Sketch!"
I turned to see a familiar duo of lavender and orange ponies coming over the horizon, one Twilight Sparkle and one Applejack, the latter still dragging an empty wagon behind her.
They were still a good distance away, and I waved as they picked up speed from a simple walk to a trot. Apparently for ponies that was the equivalent of a power walk.
"What happened?"
I shrugged.
"Near as I can tell, the portal just opened underneath me. Not sure why."
"Ah dang near broke my back when the wagon just became empty. Gotta say I did not expect that one. What was that anyway?", asked the thoroughly confused Applejack.
"Portals, don't ask, I have no idea how they work."
"Well, you're here now. Lucky you only three trees are down. Twi here says you got a fancy pen or something that might help us out, not sure how, but I wouldn't mind finding out myself."
I glance over at Twilight who is currently examining the tree. Taking the pen out and twirling it in my fingers I move over to her.
"So what are you thinking?"
"I could move the trees to their needed destination using simple telekinesis, but after that incident with anonymous my magical reserves are a bit drained. I don't want to put too much strain on what little I have left, so I was thinking a simple pulley system could be used to get them upright s we replant them, but first we'll need to make the holes bigger."
"I'm guessing I'll need to make this pulley system?"
"If you don't mind.", said Twilight as she examined the trees a bit more.
"And the holes?"
I looked at the trees as I thought of that for a moment. Then something came to mind.
"Do either of you have any gems?"
Twilight and Applejack shot me a look of confusion.
"Ah have a few back home, why?", asked a confused Applejack.
I said nothing, instead I moved over to an anvil shaped hole in the ground.
"Where did that come from?"
"Discord."
"Ah see, sounds about right."
I leaned down into the hole.
"Yo, Diamond Dog dudes, I got some gems for you if you're interested in a little digging."
"Wait what?"
Two seconds later two good sized Diamond Dogs popped out of the ground. I noticed that the knot on the bigger ones head was gone.
"Whats all this about digging for gems?"
I smiled.
"We got three trees that fell down, we were hoping that you could dig the spots for them to go, in exchange we'll give you a few gems."
"How many?"
I look to Applejack.
"Yeah Applejack how many?"
The farm pony only looked between the two dogs and I before settling on a glare at me.
"Sketch, can I talk to you over here for a second."
I shrugged, I had a feeling I knew where this was going. I turned back to the Diamond Dogs.
"One moment gents, I'll be back in a moment, you know how stingy ponies are with gems these days."
"Ain't that the truth. Take yer time lads. Just try and not take too long.", said the slightly smaller Dog.
We moved away from the small group, not too far, just enough to get out of earshot. Twilight followed, but her horn started to glow as she looked around. Not sure why.
"Where did those two come from?"
"Also possibly maybe Discord... I think, I'm not really sure, but they were in the neighborhood, so I figure we can use the help, unless you know anyone who can dig better and faster than a Diamond Dog."
"That ain't the point, the whole reason you are here is to make up for what you did."
"Except as previously mentioned it was caused by another human, I just happened to be the target. It's not my fault the trees just happen to be flying at me."
That seemed to floor her.
"Look at it this way, consider it those guys making up to you for trespassing."
"By payin' em'?"
"Eh, you can't have everything.", I said with a shrug.
"You know...", said Twilight as her horn dimmed. "...Sketch does have a point, I can detect a small amount of chaos magic in the area, if them being here was caused by Discord, well it may not be entirely their fault they are here in the first place. Chaos magic can be, well very random."
"Alright fine, Ah will pay em' for the work, six gems total, that's two per tree, but any more and they can get out."
"Sounds fair."
I turned to the Diamond Dogs who were standing there with their arms crossed and foot tapping impatiently.
"Hey boys, how does two gems per tree sound?"
The two looked to each other for a moment before they talked among themselves.
"Three trees right?", asked the smaller one.
"Yep!"
Their tails started to wag.
"You got yourself a deal, but we dig the holes, nothing else."
Well that was one problem solved.
"Alright we have a plan.", I said with a smile.
"I'll move the trees, Sketch you start drawing the pulley system, Applejack you show them where the hole needs to be."
Turns out, it wasn't as difficult as I thought. Dogs dig holes, Twilight movers trees, and the newly drawn pulley system worked rather well, Applejack provided the rope, so luckily I didn't have to draw that. Still by the end of it I felt like I held up a grand piano for about two hours. Now I'm damn near passed out in the wagon, legs and arms handing out limply.
Note to self, pain is only temporary for trauma, not so much in the case of manual labor.
"I feel pain, and noting else."
"your legs are hanging out, ponies will see you.", said Twilight.
I groaned, a lot.
Reluctantly I folded my arms and legs into the wagon and watched as Twilight put the covers over me. I really wish I knew how to open those damn portals.
Anyway, it was a long trip, too tired to contemplate anything, so I just lay there until we get back. Eventually, I fell into sweet unconsciousness.
"Pink!" I yawned. "Always the pink."
"Ok he's up."
I slowly get myself upright as I yawn and look around the room and... There is a rainbow in my face. Also it's now looking at me.
"Rainbow Dash I presume?"
"Yeah, that's me... So, why..."
Predicting the question with my phenomenal brain of... thinking... Screw it still tired. Either way I answered the almost spoken question.
"I look like this because reality and magic is pushing me into the fourth dimension because apparently it can do that."
Rainbow backed up with a confused look on her face.
"I was just going to ask why you were in a wagon."
Dammit Brian, you had one job.
"Well obviously because reasons."
I heard someone bark out a laugh at that. I move myself to see a small dragon looking at me from the couch.
"That is the second time you used that. I like it, I think I'll use it one day.", said the small dragon.
"Feel free to do so.", I said before turning back to the Rainbow maned pegasus.
Rainbow Dash was examining me for the moment in what I assume to be morbid fascination before calmly flying to the small group of ponies and one dragon. It was interesting to see them all in the same room at once.
"My god you assembled faster than the Avengers, not much of a feat, usually takes them a few movies to do it, but still..."
And now they are looking at me like I am crazy, I think I am inclined to agree with them at this point.
"What's an Avengers?", asked Spike.
"Not important right now.", I say with a wave of my hand before... Oh look my vision is once again consumed by pink, wonderful.
"Well after you left I went out where I found Dashie in town, so I told Rainbow, who told Flutters, who told Rarity that an alien was at Twilight's home, we thought you would be back, but you weren't so did another alien show up that you had to fight, or did it just take that long?"
"Just that long."
"Oh, Okay."
I glance from Pinkie to Rainbow Dash, who looked to be sizing me up. I guarantee you Miss Dash there is no need, I am just as frail as I look, which is a lot.
"Excuse me, Sketch was it?"
I turn to see, oh look Rarity.
"Yep."
"Yes, well I was just wondering what you were wearing, it looks... Rather odd."
"The standard form of dress for any human too busy to care what he wears. Jeans, Sneakers, and a T-shirt of Captain America's shield."
"Actually, I was wondering what the materials were.", said Rarity as she cleared her throat.
"Well why didn't you say so, the jeans are denim, the shirt is cotton, and the shoes are... Rubber and some other stuff."
What even is that, plastic?
"I see, they look... Nice."
That was a lie. The look on your face says it all.
"Thanks."
Rarity sighed.
"I was wondering, well you see I am a tailor and the resident fashionista as it were of Ponyville, and I was wondering if perhaps I could..."
"Yeah, that might be an issue."
Rarity looked a bit perturbed, and somewhat annoyed at being interrupted, but thankfully, as expected, Twilight answered for me.
"Yeah, Sketch here has... An unusual effect on Equestrian Matter, his sweat seems to behave like an acid, well, more like a solvent that dissolves matter into a black liquid resembling ink. Sorry Rarity, but if he were to wear anything made by you, or made in this universe for that matter... Well it wouldn't last very long."
Have you ever seen someone freak out, if not you are about to.
"WHAT! You mean to tell me he... Oh what a curse, the injustice, to forever be trapped in the same clothing. I... I cannot think about it. It sounds absolutely horrid."
She looked to me with genuine sympathy, I was touched, even if it was a slight overreaction.
"Oh you poor dear. Oh, I wish there was something I could do. That is The. Worst. Possible. Thing. Ever."
And now she held my hand in her hooves, like she was trying to comfort me. Okay, maybe more than a slight overreaction.
"Oh, I could scarcely imagine the horror you now live. I shutter to think what will happen when the ever changing landscape of fashion changes, oh to be trapped in outdated clothing. The shame, the horror. I promise, if there is anything I can do, anything at all, do not hesitate to ask."
Tears fell from her eyes, but she wiped them away with a hoof before said hoof went back to my hand.
"No Rarity, be strong, for Sketch's sake.", said Rarity.
Spike was glaring at me. He could exhale fire. I have a feeling he wanted to do that to my face.
"Uhh, thank you?".
Rarity nodded as she got back on her feet, which I was thankful for because Spike seemed to calm down a bit after that.
"No, do not thank me, I know the absolute horror you must now exist in because of your new lot in life. No, we must return you home, where clothing that will not fade into obscurity and where you may discard anything obsolete.", Rarity turned to Twilight.
"Twilight, how do we send him home?"
Twilight blinked.
"Well, actually... I don't know, I was going to try and figure out a way to send him back, but when I informed Celestia, she requested an audience with him, we're leaving tomorrow morning."
Rarity nodded.
Well, that was fun.
However, with that freak out over, my eyes were drawn to a yellow pegasus in the corner. She was looking at me with what I assume was confusion. I defaulted to my normal greeting.
"Hi.", not the best, but good enough.
She flinched a bit, but otherwise smiled and looked at me well looked at me as best she could.
"Oh, Umm...Hel...Hello.", she said shyly.
MY GOD! No doubt about it that was the single most adorable thing in the history of adorable things, and I am counting internet cat and baby videos. I think I have diabetes now. I could not help but smile, before an involuntary sound exited my mouth hole.
"Awwwww!"
Can I have one, I will feed her, and hug her, and love her, and pet her, and walk her, and call her something other than George. Mostly because George is a males name. Maybe Georgia.
Then Dash flew back into my field of view. Hello Rainbow.
"You're a monkey right?"
How very blunt. I like it.
"In the same way you are a horse."
Rainbow Dash blinked as she processed that, then tilted her head before smirking.
"Well, I got the heart of a horse, but I'm all pony."
"That was cheesy Rainbow.", said Spike.
"Cheesy but true."
I feel like that is a reference to something within the show, but for the life of me I just couldn't remember what it was. Also as expected the Whorse this is fannon. Good to know.
"Ummm... Excuse me."
Back to the adorable little manifestation of diabetus that was Fluttershy.
"Yes?"
"Well, I just was wondering, well... You're very thin... I'm sorry... It's just... Well I mean, you look like you... Like you haven't eaten... And was wondering if you were... Umm if you were hungry... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to..."
D'awwwww. How can you not smile at that. I waved her worries away.
"No no, it's fine, I understand completely...."
And she smiled. Again D'awwww.
"....But, well I'm not really hungry.", I said with a smile, one that was slowly falling as a realization came over me.
"...Or thirsty, even though I haven't eaten since before I got here... and just did a lot of manual labor... Why am I not hungry?"
Fluttershy's ears folded back as I scratched my chin. I am fully aware that I most likely couldn't eat anything here, but because I'm apparently an idiot, I never actually thought about the problem of nutrition. Well I'm just the biggest idiot in the world right now. I literally forgot humans need to eat. What kind of moron am I.
Still not hungry though.
Twilight, who had a look of contemplation on her face turned to me after a moment. Probably found this just as disturbing as I did.
"Maybe this is a side effect of existing in the fourth dimension. But, I would have to test it to make sure."
Twilight got this look in her eye, one that I did not care for in the slightest. It's not that it was bad, but it implied me tasting Equestrian food, which would probably be ink.
"I really don't want a mouthful of ink."
I used to chew on pens, not any more. to make a long story short, ink does not taste good. At all. Ever.
"What do... I mean humans.... Umm, what do humans normally eat?", asked Fluttershy.
"Humans are omnivores, We eat just about anything. Fruits, vegetables, meat, fungi, some other stuff I might be missing, but yeah, that's the basics."
Hmm, maybe I'm frozen in time, I mean is the laws of physics are avoiding me then it stands to reason time is as well. That just sounds stupid though... Oh also why are they looking at me like that, like they are very uncomfortable. Oh right, they are herbivores, except presumably Spike. Is this about the whole meat thing?
"Are you going to die?", asked Pinkie rather bluntly.
Okay, maybe it's not about the meat eating thing. Cool.
That said, that possibility of dying seemed much more noteworthy anyway.
"I don't think so. Even if I was going to, well there isn't much we could do about it. I think it best to assume I just don't need to eat or drink."
"Now that I think about it, when I breathe, I never actually feel fresh air in my lungs. I may be the needless."
"The what?", asked Rainbow.
"It means I might not need the same things as I needed before to remain alive."
"It would be best to know for sure, I'll make some tea, and bring out a few snacks."
"This seems rushed."
Twilight shrugged with her wings.
"It would put our minds at ease."
Fair enough.
Mouthful of ink here we come.
Twilight motions to get up, but is stopped by Spike.
"It's alright Twilight, I'll get it."
"Thanks Spike."
So here I was talking to the technicolor ponies on whatever topic they think about, but it isn't long until I look down at a glass of water and an apple being set on the table near me by the small dragon.
"Here you go.", said the Dragon before he took a seat next to Rarity.
Twilight looked at the small tray before looking back at me. The others were also looking at me expectantly. After a moment, Twilight sighed.
"You don't need to eat it all, a small bite will suffice."
"This does not seem to be well calculated. I mean, if it goes wrong, there isn't much you could do. Chances are this is going to turn into ink, and any medicine you have would probably do the same, even if it doesn't I have a Vastly different biochemistry than you."
Twilight nodded.
"I know, but without magic, all I can do is make observations. It's not the best method, and is very crude, but I can't think if anything else that might work, and this is something I'd like to know for sure. This is a basic test, you don't have to eat it all."
"I'm still not sure."
"Yo! Egghead."
Rainbow flies into my view.
"If you’re done with your lame excuses, can you get on with it."
I sigh.
"Want to see what ink tastes like, I know I am not looking forward to it."
"It's an apple, whats afraid it will be mean or something."
"That's not very nice Dash.", said Fluttershy.
"He's being a big baby, about an apple. It's dumb... He's being dumb."
"Your insults are very uninspired. Is your family tree a cactus, because your kind of a prick. See that's how you insult someone."
"I've heard better. I hope that's not all you got."
"Nope, but the best I have doesn't really apply here. It goes something like this. When you were born, the police arrested your dad, the doctor slapped your mom, animal control euthanized your brother, and A&E made a documentary that saved your life. I however have yet to find you so annoying or stupid enough for that insult."
Now the looks of complete and utter confusion and disgust. A few of them, namely Rarity and Fluttershy gasped at that, and were looking at me with wide eyes. Mission Accomplished. Thank you internet for that little gem. Sure I now looked like a complete asshat, but... Yeah I got nothing, I'm just an asshat.
"Whats an A&E?", asked Twilight.
Of course that's what you would ask.
"Not important."
"That is simply the most barbaric string of words I have ever heard.", said Rarity aghast.
Spike didn't seem to get it, good. I'm not sure his age, but it can't be that old. Fluttershy on the other hand.
"That is not very nice. I think that is the meanest thing I have ever heard.", said Fluttershy with a a look on her face of hurt and shock.
There was something about that look that I really did not like. It wasn't so much the look itself as it was the knowledge I caused it. It almost physically hurt.
"Sorry. I promise not to say it again", I say sheepishly.
She nodded and returned to her shy self. A breath of relief passed through me. Rainbow Dash on the other hand she started laughing. Everyone was just kind of looking at her now. Once Rainbow realized this, she cleared her throat and looked more than a bit embarrassed.
"Ok, that was kind of funny. It's one of the cruelest thing I've ever heard, but still. Funny... So are you going to eat the apple now?"
And back to this. Well, whatever Might as well get this over with.
"Fine I'll eat the damn apple happy now?"
"Not really, but go ahead.", said Rainbow bored as she zipped off like the Flash who just went to Starbucks and when asked what he would like to drink, just said yes.
I sigh as I pick up the apple first. It feels like an apple, waxy skin and all. Even smells like an apple. Slowly and reluctantly, I put it to my mouth, and take a small bite... Hell it even tastes like an apple. Well that was unexpected. I take another bite, then another, and another and it was like I couldn't stop. Damn this is a really good apple.
I wasn't even hungry. I just ate it just to have an excuse to have that taste remain in my mouth. I really couldn't put it into words.
"Ok, that was really REALLY good.", I said as I put the water down.
A collection of relieved sighs can be heard around me from a few ponies, notable Twilight and Fluttershy. I leaned back in my chair as the taste begins to fade.
"So, you can still eat food, that's good. I wonder why though?"
I lean back in my chair with a shrug, before I turn back to the tray to get another sip of water, it's not that I'm thirsty, it's just the taste. My hand freezes as I look at the apple.
Yellow replaced by black ooze. Even part of the glass the water was in seems to be dripping that inky blackness from around it's rim. I actually flinch.
"What the hell."
Applejack approaches the tray and looks at once was an apple. Her eyes wide as the observes the slowly melting apple as it dissolved into a puddle of ebony ink. The glass doesn't look much better. The once clear water inside is tinted a dark color, and getting darker.
"What in the..."
Applejack backed off as quickly as she could as the ink melted holes in the tray and black ink flows freely to coat damn near the entire table. I hear a few short screams as the ink flows freely, some of it dripping off the table onto the floor.
"Everyone get back.", I said as I stood up.
We slowly back away from the table. This is not like my sweat, this isn't bleaching the world, it's actively melting it. The table itself has shifted, melting like plastic in an oven. It still had some color, but it was slowly turning dark.
My eyes widen. Something bad is happening. I feel a sharp pain in my stomach. I put my hands over my abdomen as I lean forward with a slight dizzy sensation and the worst feelings of nausea I could possibly imagine. The pony closest to me, Applejack, is the first to speak.
"Sketch, are you okay."
I found it odd, yet sweet that she was concerned for me despite the horror show going on around that table, but at the moment I was in a bit to much pain to fully appreciate it. I groaned as my hands went to my head.
"I... I don't think...", it was at that time I realized I really should not have spoken.
As soon as the words left my mouth, I felt my stomach contract so violently that it hurt worst than any pain I have ever experienced.
"What the hay!"
I don't know who said that, I don't care either. A whole torrent of black ink is propelled into the air, out of my mouth like a hose turned on full. My insides burn more than ever before and my eyes clench shut as this horrid involuntary and forceful expulsion of ink is expelled at high speeds from my stomach. This was not vomiting, this was a foul, repulsive, and disgusting purging.
Oh God make it stop.
It doesn't. The stomach-acid stench fills the air, and it only forces more ink to be retched out of me.
After what felt like an eternity I finally get a moment to breathe. Not that I needed to breathe, it was an instinctive reaction that made me fell no better or any worse. I dry-heaved again and again bringing up only dribbles of black bile.
My throat is sore and raw. I am vaguely aware of my surroundings, and look to see the trail of ink in front of me, leading all the way to where the table once was. All that remained was a hole filled with black ink that slowly was changing color to match the ground almost seamlessly, but not quite. I didn't see the full effects before I groaned again as my eyes shut tightly.
I wanted water, not out of thirst, but just to get the taste of sick out of my mouth, but I knew that luxury was not possible, and would only make this so much worse.
I'm dimly aware that a few of the ponies who had backed away were now moving towards me. I don't see their faces, only feel the horrible burning. I whether from pain or exhaustion, I am granted a mercy as I pass out shortly afterwards.
I woke up in a daze, I couldn't feel anything but a faint burning in my throat and the absolute worst headache I have ever felt in hy life. I can safely say that I now know what the hangover after drinking a Pangalactic Gargleblaster feels like. I was on what appeared to be a couch, one that now had a large faded white spot on it where my sweat had fallen, with the familiar ring of black around it.
My clothing was covered in dry ink, almost the entire thing was black. With the exception of a few large spots of blue in various places. Not much though. Still it wasn't that bad, at least it was dry.
An involuntary groan escaped my lips as I slowly shifted upwards. I felt weak, and that simple movement took more out of me than it really should have. Then the memories of last night entered my mind. I turn to where the table once was to see it was gone, and to see a most irregular floor.
I could see the floor looked strange, it was flat as it should be, but it had swirls of odd colors and patterns upon it, or rather apart of it. It was beyond odd to see.
Getting to my feet very slowly I looked at the floor before I slowly got on my knees to better observe the surface. A wave a nausea hit, but it what mercifully brief.
I ran my fingers across a red point on the floor. It had the texture of an wax, a bit of clear material directly next to it felt like smooth glass. Despite the odd colors and textures, it was smooth and continuous, with no apparent gaps or spaces between one part and the next. It was damn near seamless, like it had always been apart of the floor, even though it looked like it was mixed haphazardly.
I pressed my finger hard on the red waxy spot, and made a face of disgust as clear fluids with black spots leaked out. That fluid smelt of apples. That was disturbing. My hand brushed over a white swirl that felt like cold metal, presumably from what once was the tray.
It was as if the table, and everything upon it was now merged to become these odd irregular patters. Melted and blended to form this mess of substances and chaos. The only thing about it that I was thankful for was that the ink did not remain a liquid, one that probably would have behaved like an acid for anything of this world.
I got to my feet as I observed the floor just a bit better. The trail of ink from before was gone, presumably because it now was apart of the floor, or rather was the floor itself.
I don't know why, but it made a shiver crawl up my spine.
"You're awake. A lot earlier than expected."
I turn to the Lavender alicorn who is walking down the stairs and looking at me with concern.
"You really worried us last night. No one left until I assured them you were fine, by the time we got you on the couch you were snoring, so we took that as a good sign... How do you feel?"
"Not good, but at lest better than last night."
Twilight shuttered.
"Yeah... Listen, I'm... I'm sorry you had to go through that, it was... Horrible.", said Twilight.
She could not meet me in the eyes, probably out of guilt.
"I was the one who ate the stuff, but I am never eating anything again as long as I am here."
Twilight finally looked at me. Her eyes calculating.
"Do you feel hungry?"
I thought about it for a moment, before shaking my head.
"Nope. Not even a little bit."
Twilight nodded before she looked to the floor. She made a face at it.
"How long until it fully dried? The ink I mean."
"Only a few moments after you passed out. I have never seen anything like that in my life. It doesn't even look like a floor anymore."
"Looks like some college kids idea of modern art. I suggest a rug to cover it."
Twilight didn't say anything, she just stared at the floor.
"You alright?"
"Why Ink?"
"What?"
"Why does everything about you have something to do with ink. Colors fade around you like you're lying on a painting, you can create portals out of ink, it's almost like you... No... No, it's almost like the universe we inhabit is made out of ink, and you aren't."
I see where this is going, well time to stop this before Twilight learns forbidden knowledge which has the slight possibility of causing an extreme existential crisis.
"Who knows, universes might just be weird like that. Or maybe I just so happened to choose the most appropriate name in the history of the multiverse."
Twilight didn't seem convinced, but thankfully she dropped it.
"We should get you to Canterlot, Princess Celestia still wants to meet you."
"Sounds like fun, lets go."
There was an air of melancholy around Twilight, even as we passed the threshold of the door. It would continue all the way to the Train Station.
My Little Pony: Humans are Cthulhu
So, in case you are wondering, I am not in a wagon. It's still pretty early, and this whole town looks deserted. There are a few scattered ponies, but we stick to the mostly abandoned areas. I'm sure some of the ponies saw me, but at the moment, I was more concerned on the current situation.
What exactly is ink in this universe. Ink is a mixture of components, at least back home it is. Here though, I'm not so sure. Does ink somehow compose everything up to and including subatomic particles. Is their version of atoms ink, are photons somehow ink, Are quarks ink. Think about that for a second. Everything here is ink, everything. Grass is ink, dirt is ink, the sun is ink, the moon is ink, air is ink, ponies are ink, ink is ink squared. Seriously What The Hell!
This universe is a lot different than I initially thought. Still not sure how I exist at all in this universe. Twilight described it as a river moving around a rock, with reality being the river, and I the rock.
I think I am carrying around my own laws of physics with me, at least that's what I assume allows me to exist at all. After all if I am not being effected by their laws, then their gravity shouldn't effect me either, and I would probably either just float around, or rocket off into space. However, that doesn't happen, and I can still interact with this world as if I were any other character within it.
What exactly am I compared to these ponies?
I really wanted to find out. I like knowing things and how they work. Even if it's only a basic understanding.
Anon was another mystery, why did I perceive him as having that rotoscoped look to him. Did he look like that because of how his own physics interacted with Equestrian Physics or would any individual look like that in his universe. Assuming the latter I have to wonder if they even noticed.
I mean I can't imagine many people, excluding maybe philosophers would contemplate the art style of the universe.
Buying the tickets was an unusual affair, I stayed out of it, keeping out of sight as Twilight bought the Tickets. The made in the booth was obviously a bit confused why Twilight was buying two, but otherwise seemed to not care much. I think she caught a glimpse at me. She seemed very nervous.
Twilight comes back, I tell her to hold my ticket, I don't want it to fade.
Based on my observations, we won't be on the train alone, but thankfully, it looks like there won't be as many ponies as I feared. If we were lucky, one of the cars would be empty. We wait, me hiding in shadows, Twilight standing guard not far from me.
The wall behind he has a few spots of white on it from when my hand brushed across it. I didn't think I was sweating, but perhaps I just didn't notice. I was much more interested in staying out of sight.
Still, I have began to notice my sweat doesn't just bleach the colors. Whenever I feel the white spots, they are always of an irregular texture compared to the unbleached parts, almost like they dissolved more than just the colors.
Ponyville seems to have a slow start to everything, even now with the crowds being a bit larger than when we first left, they were still smaller than I would expect. The sun had only recently completed it's drift over the horizon, barely visible behind the buildings. It looked nice with how the amber and orange lights bounced off the homes and buildings around the small town.
Luckily the train arrives not long after that, we wait and watch who gets on, and see which car will have no, or at least the fewest ponies in it. The first car is half way filled, but the cars after it only have few passengers. The caboose however is bare. This seems to be going rather well.
"The ticket collector hasn't come yet."
I nod as Twilight gives me the cover. I wrap myself in it and lay back.
"I'll hand him in the ticket, I'll just say you are tired... You know when we get to Canterlot, you're not going to be able to hide?"
"Probably, but I don't plan on staying there for any extended period of time. It's Ponyville I want to ease into, I saw the reactions to Zecora."
I couldn't be sure, but I think Twilight looked sheepish.
"I see. I think I can understand where you are coming from."
I merely shrugged.
A comfortable silence between us gave me time to actually think, I still wasn't fully sure what I was in relation to this universe, nor how I would get back home. This is not something I'm used to, really if there was something I wanted to know back home, I could always look it up. Here though, I was something new. Something I very much doubted hey had any information on.
So my only option was to make general guesses and theories, which were probably wrong. This was really getting to me, like I said, I like knowing things, and how they work.
The ticket collector came by not long after that, Twilight simply told the collector I was sleeping. It seemed to work at any rate.
Twisted fleshy tendrils of human nerves flowed upward as bone snapped into being to form the skeletal structures of a human. Soon, a nearly bare skeleton stood tall as the nerves weaved themselves into place. Internal organs grew where the should be, held up not by skin of muscle, but by some eldritch force that knitted flesh and bone into place. Tissues burst forth, growing like cancer to form the muscles. The skin began to creep across the frame as the skeleton moved with purpose. Particles of fabrics and cloth swirled around the not yet fully formed human as they weaved themselves over it's form.
Now fully formed, the being, garbed in a grey hooded coat looked to the world around it, an endless expansive desert. The being made no face as it took the first steps of it's long journey. It knew not where it was headed, but it did not care.
His pale eyes observed the landscape, it felt only crushing apathy to the world around it. This apathy was palpable, and slowly was manifesting itself. A thick grey mist clung to the humans form. This was no ordinary mist, but an innumerable collection of feelings and raw emotion mixed chaotically together.
What scarce life existed in this desert ran from the aura of wrongness the mist did emit. Those unlucky enough to get trapped in the mist froze as their eyes turned grey. They mindlessly followed the human, the one who felt nothing, as he aimlessly wandered. By sheer chance, he happened across a town.
The citizens within that town shuttered at the alien feeling of complete and utter indifference. They watched as something moved into town. It's appearance hidden behind a this mist. In fear, the ponies backed away from this entity, but the aura made them pause, not out of fear, but a growing lethargy.
Then the being stood still, directly in the center of town. The mist fell to the earth, it still existed, but it was low enough to the ground to see the hooded specter. It scanned the town, it's face free of emotion as it looked at each and every pony.
Then it smiled, revealing sharp canines that contrasted sharply against it's grey form. With that smile the mist did change, from an ashen grey to a deep burnt orange. The Ponies watched with an emotion growing within them, their lips twitched involuntary as they slowly stretched into a smile. They felt happy, but they felt it against their will. They wanted to panic, but all they could feel was this false happiness that reached their lips, but not their hearts. The mist grew.
Three hours later, I'm looking at a large city, filled to the brim with ponies. I'm standing before the threshold between the inside of the train, and the city itself. I can see a few guards not to far off in the distance on what is presumably a patrol.
"You ready Sketch?"
"Not even a little bit, lets go."
As soon as I step out the train, I get spotted by a few unicorns. They freeze mid step to just kind of stare at me. They start a chin reaction that slowly caused a lot of ponies to stare blankly at me.
It's kind of funny to see them occasionally look away, presumably because I hurt their eyes. It's like they can't decide if they want to stare at me, or ignore me. So we start our little journey. Some guards are 'covertly' following us, they probably would be really good at it, if their armor wasn't made of gold. They kind of stick out.
"Hey Twilight, the guards, is that armor really gold?"
Twilight blinks as she turns to look at me.
"Yeah... Why do you ask?"
"Well, back home anyway, gold would be terrible as an armor. Gold is really dense but also very soft. Heavy as hell to. Copper would probably be better than gold."
Twilight blinked.
"That's... Unusual. Gold is known for it's light weight and difficulty to break. It's one of the strongest metals in Equestria."
"Strange. Even our elements are different.", I said offhandedly.
Twilight hummed at that.
The walk was relatively long, my mind simply going off to think of whatever random issue pops in my head. The castle ahead was interesting to see up close. The guards not so much. They were looking at me, however I had t give them credit, they didn't stare in fear. So they were professional is anything.
"Princess Sparkle, What is your business here?", said the Guard with a nod.
Twilight spoke.
"The Princesses requested to meet us, specifically Sketch."
Twilight looked very uncomfortable. Probably for the standard Twilight reasons. The guard sounded friendly, if nothing else. When he looked at me, he kept eye contact, but I noticed he blinked a bit more than he probably should have.
"What... Is he?"
Awww, he called me he. He knows I'm a real boy. I decided to speak, mostly since Twilight was getting steadily more uncomfortable.
"Higher Dimensional entity from another universe. My species is human. We're a species of technologically advanced multiversal watchers."
Because why not?
Now the guard is looking at me like I just spoke a whole new language.
"Okay..."
"Sorry, but we're kind of in a hurry. We need to speak with Princess Celestia."
Said Twilight.
"Of course your Majesty, follow me."
Ah to be royalty, even if a monarchy is a relic of an unsustainable form of government. Then again, from what I've seen, Celestia and Luna actually puts her subjects before them, so I guess a coup isn't going to happen any time soon, and neither Celestia or Luna is going to die any time soon either, I think. So unless the princesses decide abdication is a good idea, it's probably here to stay. Actually, how are there mayors.
What kind of system of government is this... Wait, I suddenly don't care.
What? I like science, not politics.
And we're walking... Still walking... Still walking... How big is this castle?
So we pass various stuff and... Okay, so we get to wait in this big ass room. Sweet, gives me time to sit down and relax.
The room is pretty nice, it has chairs and tables and sofas and what not. I take a seat and sigh as I lean back against the soft velvet. Twilight is talking to herself.
"You okay over here?"
Twilight blinks.
"Sorry, just thinking out loud."
"I see. Sounds absolutely crazy. I like it."
Twilight looked at me with a clear look of confusion on her face.
"Did you just call me crazy?"
"What? The best people are."
Twilight doesn't seem convinced by my declaration. Probably because I sound so nonchalant about it.
"Almost all of the greatest scientific minds in human history were crazy in some form or another. Albert Einstein stuck his tongue out for pictures like he was a time traveling KISS fan, Issac Newton invented a new form of mathematics on a dare, Leonardo Da Vinci was probably a super-villain. I could go on, but scientists tended to be eccentric at best and bat shit insane at worst."
I nodded as I thought on that a little bit more.
"Actually, all humans are insane in some form or another, especially our rulers. Caligula made his horse a temple priest and tried to make the same horse a senator. Keep in mind Horses back home are completely non-sapient. I don't even know where to begin with Andrew Jackson. Point is, humans have a history of crazy."
Twilight just kind of stared at me, well, not really stared because she had to look away periodically, but still.
"I... Am not sure what to think about that.", said Twilight as her wings ruffled.
"Good, if you did then you would be even crazier than I thought."
Her eyes narrowed as she looked away.
"So what were you thinking about?"
"Nothing... Well, I was thinking about a lot of things. You, Anonymous, how to get you home, what to do if you can't get home... Just thinking in general really."
"Yeah, I know the feeling."
So we sat, and waited. I think it was just under half an hour before the doors opened again and the rulers came in.
You know, in person, even looking animated, Celestia and Luna look awesome. Like I could see heavy metal barbarians using them as mounts. Kind of made me want to ride one while holding a sword and shouting 'FREEDOM' like I was William Wallace. Not sure if that's normal or not. As soon as their eyes fell on me, they froze and simultaneously their eyes widened before the started blinking rapidly. Then they shook their heads.
I am Sketch, bringer of the headache.
"Apologies for the wait. Also for our reactions, your appearance is... Unique.", said Celestia.
"No apologies needed, believe me that happens a lot.", I got out of my chair and stood next to Twilight as I examined the Princesses. Their manes are really strange to see. I mean the are still cartoon like, but the movements aren't exactly like they are on the show, it's kind of trippy. Made me really want to watch Yellow Submarine for some reason.
"Quite, I am Princess Celestia, this is my sister Princess Luna."
"We have heard very little about you, tell us, is it true you... Watch us?", asked Luna.
Well, I guess it's creep time.
"Yeah, we do, well some people do. Not for very long mind you, only since your own return."
Luna tilted her head at that, either out of apprehension or confusion.
"Our return... So you have seen... The Nightmare?"
"Yeah, we have. Glad it worked out for you in the end."
And now she's smiling, Celestia was to. D'awwwwww.
"So, Sketch, you are unaware of how you came to be here?"
"Fully unaware. One moment I'm at home, next I'm in a forest."
"I see, I imagine this must all seem a bit strange to you, it's strange to us as well... Twilight wrote us again after your... Episode."
Did not know that.
"It was unpleasant. Food was good though, everything else that followed... Not so much."
Celestia hummed and nodded.
"As I understand it, you wish to return home. You are aware that with your apparent magical immunity, that will be very difficult?"
"The thought crossed my mind, yes."
"I thought it would, however... Your presence in Equestria is an alarming one. Your effect on the world around you is one we have never seen before, and you must understand there is not much we haven't seen. While I trust Twilight to find some way for you to return, but so long as you are here, you will have grave effects on Equestria."
I nodded, I'm not sure where this is going.
"My priority, first and foremost is to my little ponies, and while I trust you to be civil... This Anonymous being shows that your kind are dangerous. To be entirely honest, we're not sure what to do with you until we find a way to return you home. Nothing so drastic as imprisonment, but some form of isolation would be preferable."
Well, it's a good thing I'm antisocial, bad thing that I had no internet to distract me from that fact.
"Isolation?"
"Yes, Luna and I discussed it amongst our selves, we think a place of your own, one that should your own being destroy it, nopony would lose their home."
"You're giving me a house?"
Celestia nodded.
"Across all of Equestria, there is are many homes owned by us, they are there for the convenience of any agent of the crown during their travels. Within Ponyville, there is one as well. Nopony lives there, it is a temporary dwelling, however during your stay, I think you could have use for it."
"Okay... Wait, do I have to pay for it?"
Celestia shook her head.
"That will not be necessary. You do not eat or drink, from what we were able to discern, all you require is sleep. Or at the very least, you are capable of sleep. In addition, should we discover anything new abut how you effect the world around you, it is most likely to happen in that home, and nopony would be hurt in the process."
"Well... I'm sold. Where is it?"
Before Celestia could say anything the doors opened and a frantic guard walked in.
"Your majesty, a citizen from Dodge Junction comes with grave news. Something happened to the town. The citizen is... Unsettling."
It was a green Earth Pony, but what was truly unsettling was the unbreakable smile on it's face, it looked almost painful. It skipped happily, but it's movements were jerky and it's eyes unblinking and bloodshot.
"Hiya Princess, I'm Grove Gardener! It is super swell to meetcha! We got a little problem in Dodge Junction that would be great if you could help us with!"
Unsettled, Celestia nodded at the very creepy pony who started chuckling.
"What seems to be the trouble my little pony?"
"I'm happy... Just happy, I can't stop being happy! Please make it stop.", said the smiling pony as tears leaked freely from his eyes.
"I'm sorry... What?"
"Well, some thing that kind of looks like that guy here...", said Grove as he pointed at me.
"He made all us really happy, but we can't stop being happy... My face hurts from the constant smiling!", he said before he started to laugh like he just heard the best joke in the world.
This is really creepy. He was just standing there, smiling that creepy smile that did not seem the slightest bit genuine. The tears kept flowing though.
As What he said registered in my mind, I turned to Twilight, who had wide eyes herself. There was another human here, and he made ponies... Happy. Seriously, what.
Celestia looked from Grove, to Luna, before she looked to me.
"Do you know anything about this?"
"Nothing at all."
Celestia looked back to Grove who just. Kept. Smiling.
"Grove Gardener, what can you tell us about this... Being?"
"Oh well he's tall, and has this color changing mist that follows him everywhere! Anything caught in the mist feels what he feels! At first, we felt nothing, literally the worst emotionless experience I ever felt, it was bad... Now we feel happy! Happy happy happy! I'm so Happy! I don't want to be happy all the time, it makes me want to feel sad, but I can't get sad so I stay happy! Just happy! I enjoy it! I can't help but enjoy it! I don't have a choice!", he said cheerfully.
Grove stared to merrily whistle a tune that came out strange since he didn't seem to be able to stop smiling. Celestia and Luna started to speak quietly among themselves. Twilight just watched as Grove stayed unsettlingly cheerful. The smile didn't quite reach his eyes, which displayed full blown terror.
Celestia looked to me. I didn't like that look.
"Sketch, I have a favor to ask of you?"
Well... Shit!
HOLY SHIT HIS LIPS ARE BLEEDING!
I'm not kidding, Groves lips and gums were bleeding. Still smiling that vapid smile of false happiness. Maybe I should back up. I'm back on the train, with Grove and Twilight. And I can't look away from Grove as the drool and blood leak from his mouth. Seriously, this is beyond disturbing.
"Grove..."
His head jerkily turned to me.
"Yeah!"
"Are you alright, you look... not well."
"Oh I'm horrible! My face is in great pain right now! Thanks for asking!", said Grove before he started to giggle.
"I'm not sure how much more I can take! I'm so happy! I'm screaming inside!"
"Is there something we can do?"
"Oh no, nothing at all! Thanks Though! You're a lot nicer than the other one that kind of looks like you! He...", Twilight's Horn flashed with light as Grove fell into his seat asleep. He snored somewhat peacefully, but that damn smile was still on his face.
Twilight sighed in relief.
"I think he needed that... That was... Horrifying.", said Twilight as she looked to the still smiling pony.
"No kidding."
This was some disturbing stuff right here, scared the living hell out of me to imagine a whole town of perpetually smiling ponies. I'm fairly certain that something like this is very bad, I mean according to Serenity a situation like this is what caused the birth of the Reavers from Firefly. Pony Reavers... The thought alone made me shiver.
It would be the most horrifyingly adorable apocalypse ever.
"So, what are we going to do about this new human."
"You're asking me?"
"Well, you are human, I figure you might know something."
"Yeah, I don't know if you noticed, but the last human looked a lot different from me."
Twilight binked, almost like she only just now realized something.
"You're right, I didn't really think about it at the time, but Anonymous didn't hurt my eyes to look at. He looked... Kind of normal, but with an undertone of... Something."
"He looked Rotoscoped."
"Roto-what?"
"Rotoscoping is... Do you know what film is?"
"Yeah."
"Well Rotoscoping is the technique of drawing animation over live-action film. I perceive the world in some strange psudo-two dimensional way, anonymous looked like he was in three dimensions, but had the color and saturation of this world. It's difficult to explain, but that is the best I can do."
"I wonder... Maybe if we could figure out how he appeared like that, we could get magic to work on you to send you back home."
"Maybe, but have you considered the possibility he wasn't from the same universe as me?"
Twilight's ears fell.
"Oh... That does make sense. Your universe and his might be just as different as yours and ours. So it makes sense that he would be effected differently."
"Exactly, however, I hope I'm wrong. That said, this new guy, he is doing this weird happy thing, he might be from a different universe himself. Not mine or Anons."
I thought on that for a second, something seemed off about that based on what little I know about this new guy.
"Hey Twilight, What could cause the mood changing effects? Does something like that exist with magic as you know it?"
Twilight hummed in contemplation.
"Emotions are part of magic."
"How exactly are emotions apart of magic?"
"Your universes physics has electromagnetism correct?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"Well... magic is a fundamental force of nature, like Electromagnetism. Each branch of magic is less a branch, and more of a frequency within the magical spectrum. Emotions could be comparable to the visual spectrum. It's the easiest to understand in the same way that light of the visual spectrum is easier to see. it's not quite that simple, in fact that is a gross oversimplification, but I can't think of any way to explain it without mathematics, and... Well after what happened last time I tried using math..."
Twilight trailed off as I nodded.
"I think I get it, in the most basic sense. I think that maybe, this guys existence effects emotional magic, similar to how my being effects matter, and Anon effected... I don't know... probability."
"That's an interesting thought. I can't really study you due to the magical immunity, and I didn't have a chance to study how Anon did what he did, but maybe I can get an idea with this new human."
I lean back in my seat as I think on that. Might be an avenue to get me back home. Damn magical immunity, if I didn't have it I could be home right now.
Still it always could have been worse.
I could have ended up in the Cthulhu Mythos or Warhammer 40K where my life expectancy could probably be measured in fractions of seconds. Well, maybe not in Warhammer, I probably would have destroyed all non Blank life simply by existing so detached from the warp. Might even have torn apart the warp itself. My god I am a nerd.
I lift my hand and start cracking my fingers one by one. Twilight shudders. Right, she hates that.
"Sorry."
"No, it's alright. It's just the cracking is strange coming from... Well, no offense, but coming from what looks like a half a spider."
Spider hand, Spider hand, Does whatever Thing Addams can. Unlike Thing, I have two, so there's a lot that I can do. Look out, here comes the spider hand.
I do not know where that came from.
"I'll try and avoid doing it with you around, I like that sound too much to give it up though."
I really do.
I looked back to Grove, who was sleeping not so peacefully. He was twitching and shaking, his drool tinted red with blood. A light giggling emanated from his mouth from time to time. It was kind of hard to watch.
"So, seeing as we are going to wing it with however we handle this new guy, any ideas on what to do before then?"
"Not really, I suppose we could try and observe him, but I'm not so sure how dangerous he really is. I know I don't want to get caught in that mist though. You however should be immune, assuming it s magical in nature."
I really hoped we could talk him out of this, hopefully this guy wasn't like Anon.
They were gone, the horrid cancer was gone. He no longer had to shy away from the world, he could smile for the first time.
Shut Up!
None of that error of existence was around me, only the smiling perfect ponies.
Shut UP!
No humans, that blight on creation.
SHUT UP!
And yet, it still felt hollow, it felt inherently wrong. Why did it feel wrong.
Because it is!
Perhaps it was due to my own partial humanity, I will be rid of it, like I had always intended.
NO I DON'T LEAVE MY HEAD ALONE!
I watch as my new smiling happy friends, the ones who could help me rid of the affliction of humanity. They could end this torment of my existence. End this curse of my humanity. I only have to ask.
WRONG. WRONG. THIS IS WRONG. STOP IT! STOP IT! PLEASE STOP IT!
I command the Unicorns surround me, and I watch their smiling their rictus grin, as their horns glow and their magic bends to my will.
GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
Dodge Junction looked rather quaint. I could see Clint Eastwood stroll through here being his usual bad-ass self. The only problem was that it was very hard to see. A burnt orange mist covered the whole damn thing. Right now, the train had stopped and Twilight and I were standing not too far away from the town in sight.
I took out my pen and started to draw as Twilight's horn glowed.
"It's defiantly magic, emotional magic too... but it's off."
I examined Twilight as I continued my sketching, this time using a light shading to get this thing just right.
"Off how?"
Twilight's horn stopped glowing as she paced back and forth.
"It's physical, tangible almost. Magic is supposed to be ethereal, this mist... It flows around the buildings rather than just pass through it. I have never seen anything like this... I don't know how to describe it, it should be impossible for magic itself to function like this."
I hummed as I continued my sketch.
"Think this will work?", I ask as I keep drawing.
Twilight looks at my slowly forming sketch. It's basically a biohazard suit, one made specifically for Twilight. Unlike the gun that as almost useless at this point, this thing was adopting an actual form rather than just being outlines. Everywhere I shaded would slowly change it's color to appear as the color I had in mind for the suit as I visualized it in my minds eye. How I don't know.
"I think so. The mist can't pass through solid objects, even if it could the material should be magically immune like yourself, but that would make it difficult to do magic, or fly."
"Well, I'm going to expose the horn just a bit, keep in mind that the suit is going to be very tight around the horn... Is that going to be a problem"
"No, it shouldn't be."
"Good, then you can do magic. I can't do much about the wings though, not enough time to cover them in such a way that you could still fly."
"Well, I'm better at magic anyway."
I put the finishing details on the suit and as soon as I do, it falls to the ground limp. Twilight examines it as she tries to see if she can move it with magic. She could not.
With a sigh she uses her hooves to try and put it on, but is having a bit of trouble. Good, gives me time to touch up the .44 Magnum. The trigger, hammer, and handle need to be redrawn in their entirety. Takes a while, but it's getting there. I shade it a bit more so my hand won't pass through it like it did before. Works like I suspected. It starts to gain that beautiful nickle finish with a black handle. It's hot, so I'm sweating a bit, but I think I can limit how long I hold the damn thing.
Some of my sweat drips off and hits the ground, slowly bleaching the sand white. I sigh as Twilight finishes putting on the suit. I myself am nearly done with the hammer of the pistol. I draw myself a few bullets and load the thing, and draw a few more that I put in my pocket.
Looking at the unnaturally still mist, I can't help but wonder what is it about Equestria that seemingly causes humans to shift beyond humanity. Also, including myself, three humans have entered Equestria in a very short period of time. It is only my second day here after all.
"Ready?", asks Twilight.
I give a small nod as we make out way into the town proper.
The mist isn't billowing like it should, almost as if it refuses to leave the town itself. Why, I could only guess. As we reach closer to the mist, Twilight becomes nervous.
Her suit is restrictive. While there is space in it to fit her wings, they are useless to her, incapable of granting her flight. The visor shows concern in her eye as she slowly walks towards the mist, but does not enter.
I myself feel a twinge of fright at this mist. I'm immune to magic, but this isn't normal magic. At least I don't think it is.
I take a deep breath, and step into the mist.
It clouds my vision, but I feel no different than before, save a growing calm at not being transitioned into a smiling zombie. Twilight on the other hand, is a bit more cautious. Placing a single hoof into the miasma before puling back quickly.
She observes her hoof to see if anything has changed, but nothing appears any different. No vacant smile, which I take as a very good sign.
It is with a great sense of nervousness that Twilight takes her first steps into the mist. Eyes closed tight as if she were about to be struck.
"Looks like it works."
I give her a smile and a nod.
I look to the town itself as we begin our venture.
Despite the mist, it wasn't difficult to see around the town. I had about fifty feet of vision before anything became indistinguishable. There are ponies here, many with tired bloodshot eyes, bleeding from the gums with that false smile.
Many of them looked at me, and I could tell that they were afraid, somewhere deep deep down in their very souls. They just couldn't show it, or even feel it like they know they should.
They didn't run, just stared at me. Many of them were standing around, I imagine if they could feel as they should, they would be shaking. As I observe the ponies, I begin to notice something.
"Where are the unicorns?"
Twilight looks around, her eyes narrowed in quiet contemplation as she tries to solve a puzzle I know she doesn't have all the pieces to.
"I don't know. They have to be somewhere around here..."
She trailed off as she looks around the buildings before one flashes with a bright light. It's instinct that causes me to grab the pistols handle, but I do not draw it, not yet anyway. I do not like this town. It has this Silent Hill feel to it. I'm waiting to see if the other world shows up with Pony Pyramid Head.
"What was that?"
Twilight says nothing, even covered, I can still see a faint glow around her mostly exposed horn as she presumably scans that building, or whatever she is doing. After a moment her eyes widen and she takes a step back.
"There is something very powerful in that building."
Sounds like we found our guy.
I swallow the lump in my throat as I slowly step to peer into the window. Before I even get there, I notice something. They orange mist is turning a different color. The mist is still orange, but no longer that burnt color, but a bright orange.
The color contrast hurts my eyes a bit s they adjust to the new level of light. For some reason I can see just a bit further, and I finally make it to the window. Twilight follows next to me, albeit a bit more nervous than I am.
Well, I found the unicorns. They are all laying on the ground, breathing heavy. It's what else I see that causes me pause.
It's an alicorn. One unlike anything I have ever seen.
It has stone for skin with a mane of flames. Veins of water run across it's surface and smoke billows in an unseen wind.
It's large, probably a bit larger than Celestia herself. It has a cutie mark, a circle that looked with four comma-shaped symbols, each one a different color. One was red, one was grey, one was blue, the final was white. Didn't take a genius to figure out this was somehow based around the four classical elements of fire, water, air, and earth.
It was also smiling, but unlike the ponies, this smile seemed genuine as it observed it's new form.
"It worked!", It said before it started to laugh.
It stretched out it's wings, which were bat like with molten lava instead of a membrane of skin.
It's horn looked less like a spiral, and more like a curved dagger made of stone with more veins of water flowing through it.
I'm guessing this Alicorn was our human. How he became an alicorn was beyond me, but I can tell the unicorns has something to do with it.
"I think... I need a new name... From this day forward, I shall be known as Terra."
I watched as he hovered above the ground around the very tired unicorns.
I quietly move back from the window. Twilight looks to me with wide eyes.
"This isn't good, I'm not even trying, but I can feel the power coming from that thing. I need to focus just to feel Princess Celestia's power... but this thing."
"That means either Celestia is better at hiding her power, or this thing is more powerful. Lets hope it's the former."
Twilight glances back to the window, even though from this vantage point we couldn't see the alicorn, but she could still feel it.
"I hoped we could talk him out of this or something, but this I did not expect? Any ideas."
She shakes her head.
"I was prepared for a human, not an alicorn."
"Point taken."
"We could still try talking to him."
I shrugged.
"Can't you do that magic scan thing... That was the plan."
"I could... But as an alicorn, he's defiantly going to notice."
"Well, he was going to find out eventually."
Twilight looked back to the building before creeping closer to the window her horn started to glow.
I am perfection.
You are a monster!
No, I was once, now I am no more. You are a fading remnant of a species who shouldn't exist within the multiverse.
Why are you doing this?
Because I can. Because you deserve it.
I've done nothing to you.
You were born, that is crime enough... We seem to have a visitor.
Twilight's horn faded as she took a step back.
"Two minds, there are two minds in that thing. One is being subjugated.", said Twilight in fearful awe.
Then the wall exploded into shards of glass and wood as the large golem like alicorn stepped through. Seeing it up close, I saw a few more details I missed before. Like the fact it had fangs, really long fangs. They however were made of stone and matched the rock-like texture almost perfectly.
The unseen wind continued to blow as the mist around the town started to take on a red tint. I noticed the ponies stopped smiling their blank smile, now they looked angry.
"And yet another human invades the majesty that is Equestria. What cesspool did you crawl out of?"
I chose to remain silent, mostly because this thing looks very fucking angry. Twilight on the other hand.
"Release the mind you control. What even are you?"
Terra turned from me to Twilight, and the mist returned to it's orange hue. The ponies were smiling again.
"My my, Twilight sparkle, fancy seeing you here. If you must know. Once... I was an abomination, until I met Him, the great one who allowed me to become apart of that powerful yet cancerous race calling themselves human, now... Now I am complete."
Who the hell is Him? About the only thing I got from that was this guy was something he did not like, before becoming or rather from what Twilight said, possessing a human, which he apparently liked even less... Now he's a pony. Which he considers perfection.
As I was trying to sort this crap out, I took a glance at Twilight, holy hell she looked pissed.
"You're killing the mind that body belongs to. You're nothing but a parasite."
Ok really pissed.
"If only you knew the truth. That still doesn't answer my question of where the human came from... I suppose, there is always one way to find out."
The mist turned red once more, and a torrent of flames headed in my direction as the now scowling ponies started to fight among themselves. I had absolutely no time to get out of the way from the flames, but as they hit my skin, I felt no burning. In fact, the blazing inferno was bending around me, all but ignoring me.
I however felt the heat, but it defiantly was not as hot as fire should be.
The flames died down as a group of enthralled ponied came towards me. Terra on the other hand, was staring at me with wide eyes. Probably expecting me to have burnt to a crisp. I took the logical path f someone of my build, and ran as I pulled out the pistol to aim at the now charging ponies.
Their bloodshot eyes now glowed like burning hot coals. I took aim, not caring about my stance at the moment, and pulled the trigger. I tried to aim low, I still wasn't fully aware of the effects of this things ammunition. The bullet missed, splattering against the ground, but it did have the effect of momentarily stopping the ponies enough to get away even quicker.
I am not the most athletic of individuals, but I knew that I had a ranged weapon, they did not.
My vision was covered in a bit of purple as I saw Twilight shoot really large balls of some kind of magic at Terra, who without moving, raised a wall of rock to stop the blast. However, he seriously underestimated Twilight as the blast tore through the rock like tissue paper and hit him square in the chest. He held his ground, but was pushed back quite a good distance.
Before the remnants of that energy ball even had time to fade, Twilight was preparing another spell.
Terra was preparing one of his own.
I start taking potshots at the ponies, always doing my best to aim for anything not too important. Even if it were an accident, I really did not like the thought of me ending life.
About the only luck I had was downing a very large Earth Pony, he had a large splatter of ink across his face, and was bleeding a bit, but I think he's still breathing.
More and more enraged ponies come for me, about the only good thing is they are just as concerned with fighting among themselves as they are fighting against me. This was chaos, complete directionless rage. Anything within arms length was a potential target.
It's very disturbing watching normal ponies (Glowing eyes not withstanding) engaging an an all out brawl. It really did look wrong. More so than it probably should have, but I'm not quite sure why.
So in between each shot take, I find time to reach for my pen and start to draw. Occasionally I look back at Twilight, who seems to use the suit to great effect. Looks like it provides a magical immunity to whatever this guy is throwing around, at least for the most part. She just tanked a typhoon no problems.
Terra seemed to be getting angry as time went on, and as he did the mists deepen into a bright, hellish red that almost glows. I continue my sketching. It's beyond crude, and little more than an outline, but it will hopefully work. I label the can Tear Gas.
I grab the can of tear gas, pull the pin and throw before getting behind cover. I hear a loud bang as the white fog flows over the battlefield. and I can see many of the angry ponies are shaking their heads and clenching their tear filled eyes shut.
It buys me just enough time to draw another one, this one labeled Knockout Gas, I pull the pin and throw at another group. One loud bang latter and ponies start to pass out. I have to admit, I didn't know if that would work, but it gives me a better idea of how this pen actually works.
Terra notices this during his fight, and summons a great wind to blow the gasses out of the town, strangely enough, his own crimson mists seem completely unaffected. Once the gas is gone, he concentrates back on Twilight, who is creating a lot of orbs of what I can only assume if condensed magic. They shoot off at Terra who tries to dodge them, but apparently these orbs are capable of tracking him as a target.
They pelt him, and each time I can see earth and water flying off of Terra's body, revealing cloth underneath. When one hits his hoof, I can see a hand before it regrows. Apparently that alicorn form is only skin deep, the human body is still under there. Good to know.
A lot of the enraged ponies are out of it right now, giving me time to reload the .44 and aim at Terra. Each shot causes the alicorn shell to crack and break. Ink covers a large portion around the shell, and I notice that wherever I shoot, it doesn't grow back quite as fast. Presumably due to the inherent magical resistance of the ink.
Terra doesn't waste time as he flies off to higher ground, where the mists keep him obscured far too much to shoot. Twilight on the other hand, is doing rather well. While the suit makes it impossible for her to fly, she seems to have found a way around that. She's standing on a glowing platform that moves to her will, giving her some ability to go after Terra.
She still looks pissed, really angry. I can't be sure if she is angry herself, or if the mist somehow got through, but at the moment, she's focused on Terra, so I suppose it doesn't really matter.
More ponies show up, I prepare to shoot... When I see one of them stomp on one of the downed ponies... Hard.
I do not have a strong disposition. I have a high tolerance for violence... Not murder. I freeze up, and watch as the casual murderer moves on to fight another pony who slams his own head against him.
My eyes are drawn to the now lifeless corpse of the dead pony, and I can't look away. An intense feeling of dread falls over me, and I find myself incapable of breathing properly. I'm breathing rapidly and sporadically, and my heart is beating fast. My hands shake as the dead ponies blood pools around it. I noticed the pony started to move.
It's muzzle was shattered, handing loosely with small bits of teeth hanging loose from the swinging maw. It gurgled, a pathetic attempt at a growl as it foamed at the mouth and charged as fast as it could at the nearest pony.
This was not a riot, not a brawl. This was brutality and sadism at work. Sick to look at as these ponies, angry against their will fought one another in whatever way caused the most pain.
This had to stop.
I stand up, pistol drawn as I shoot at anything close enough to see.
Beyond the red mists I can see flashes of purple light and burning flames just out of my view. I make my way there, full speed. Every pony that I see is shot. I really wished I drew something with a higher ammo count.
Still, I was making Progress.
The two alicorns were still fighting in the sky. So I made my way to the nearest building and climbed the ladder to the roof. Once up top, I started to draw.
It was simple, but it would do the trick. A crude cannon and a single cannon ball. I rolled the ball into the barrel, and went back to prepare to fire.
I could see Terra a bit better. Most of him was broken away, revealing the human body beneath. I aimed as he seemingly hovered to catch his breath, and pulled the string.
With a loud boom the ball flew out, and hit Terra. A whole torrent of ink splashed over him as he fell to the ground. The mists turned color, from that hellish red, to a cool blue, before it actually started to become less dense. I could now see the various ponies stop their brawl, before all I could hear was screaming and bawling.
I felt sick as I looked over to Twilight, who was standing over the mostly broken shell of Terra. He wasn't repairing his pony shell, and most of the human beneath could be seen covered in wounds. I thought she could handle it from here. I had ponies to help.
They all were frightened, beyond frightened. I looked to the one with the handing muzzle to see he was on the grown, convulsing uncontrollably. I stood over him, holding his muzzle as straight as I could as he screamed in pain. I swallowed hard before I placed him into an unconscious state using a drawn syringe I labeled sedative.
I worked as fast as I could. Not even sure if what I was about to do would work, but I knew that if I didn't try, he would die.
Drawing bone that was mended was difficult, especially since I'm drawing in the third dimension, making this a lot more complicated than it normally would be. I use the ink to connect the shards together, and I can tell that even if I do this perfectly, he won't be the same.
I draw the skin, using light strokes to represent fur and watch as it took on color. I draw him a new set of teeth.
The possibility that I am making this situation worse does come to me, but... What other chance does this guy have.
I continue to draw him back together, and silently hope that I am not making this worse.
Twilight moved towards Terra, whose Alicorn shell is falling away to reveal the human beneath. He's breathing hard and looking around in a daze. Covered in ink. She noticed that the mist is fading, but ignores that as she limps to the downed Alicorn.
The thing that did this, the one that is killing the true owners of that bodies mind causes her to remember a lot of things. It reminds her of the situation with Luna and Nightmare Moon, it reminds her of Anonymous, and how he had killed his own sister, because he had wanted to meet her. Now this thing was killing the real mind within that body because of what... It hated humans.
What even was it.
She intended to find out.
Stepping up to the thing, she notes that it's looking at her, and doesn't seem to care. It causes her to pause.
"Please... Just do it."
Her eyes widen as she hears the human, not the parasite talking to her. He's still in there. Immediately her horn glows and Terra is embraced in a glow of light.
Already she can feel the alien nature of humans. Only this time, her magic actually works on this one. She feels around his being, and feels angles and dimensions that she understands very poorly.
She feels things, billions of things squirming within and on it, only to realize that wasn't true. These squirming things weren't within the human, no they were the human. Her eyes widened.
Humans were not something singular, no they were composed of billions upon billions of various microscopic animals, that work together to form the various parts of human anatomy. Each one working in harmony to allow the human to... Well be human.
These squirming things, so small yet so great, were unlike anything Twilight ever felt before. It made her skin crawl.
However she could not focus on that, despite the biological nature of humanity, she had work to do. She felt around his mind, and tried to locate the parasite. And there it was. It was clawing at the seems, trying to regain control of the human body, but... Couldn't. No, Twilight wouldn't let it. Whatever it was.
As she was containing it, he felt that this thing was... Uncannily familiar. It felt pony, only... At the same time not. s she condensed it into a singular thing, Twilight could start to hear whispers in her head.
'You can feel me, can't you. You can feel the otherness of the human form... I can scratch the surface of your mind, you want to know what those microscopic entities that make them up are... You do not know of cells? No... No you don't even have cells... Interesting.'
Twilight didn't listen, only concentrated.
'The humans however are dangerous to many an Equestria, and it was that danger I needed to harness to become what I always meant to be... Do you know what I am... I must feel so familiar to you, yet so very distant.'
Twilight could feel the thing try and retake the humans mind, but she was able to contain it, and hopefully, burn it out of the mind and into reality.
'Not all versions of Equestria are created equal, some are just as strange to you as we are to eachother. I was born in one of these universes. You may know my Mother, she knew you... well the other you. Her name was Fluttershy.'
Twilight lost concentration, and felt as more of the thing was able to escape her attempt to draw it out and separate it. She however was able to get it back contained, but it was further along than it was before.
'My father...' It spat the word with hate unlike any Twilight had ever known.
'... He was human, from beyond a magic mirror. They called the abominations of that unholy union Satyrs. I was the only one in my whole universe. Imagine it, to be the only one of your kind within the vastness of a universe. That was my reality. The taunts, the hate, the looks, the judgement. I was despised. All because a pony fell in love with a monster... I hate my mother, but I despise my father more than you can possibly conceive in your narrow mind.'
Twilight felt sick. She began to lose her concentration.
'I was quite prolific as I traveled, always judged. I silenced the judgement, not because their judgement was wrong, just because I could, and I relished in their screams... Would you like to hear them.'
Twilight clenched her teeth tight as the screaming of hundreds, if not thousands entered her mind.
'I should have been a pony, not a twisted monster... Then I met him, the one who promised me EVERYTHING.'
Twilight watched as a heavily cloaked human approached a frightened thing, a bipedal pony, but it was off. It had hands, it's eyes were too small, it was too tall, it's muzzle too short.
'Imagine my surprise, another human. I felt fear. He had an aura, one of power. Magics I could feel within my bones. He looked to me, and told me the greatest thing I could ever hear.'
Twilight watched as the goatish human with elderly features looked down and held pulled apart the side of his long coat, to reveal a black void, one that seemingly clung to the inside of his coat. He smiled.
"Greetings young one, they call me the Merchant... What if I told you I could give you everything you ever wanted. Everything you ever desired. All you have to do, is make a deal."
Twilight shivered at the alien tone of this things voice.
'That mirror, the one I shattered when I first saw it, it was not the only realm of humanity, there were more... So many more. An infinite amount, with endless humans of different capabilities. He told me of just the one I could use, I could become human, the thought made me sick. But he told me of a way for me to become what always was meant to be, a world, one he had an interest in, the very world you inhabit. He told me I could use the powers of this human to do as I desired. To become what I should be. A pony... You ruined that, and I will ruin you.'
This thing, this Satyr, who sacrificed it's body, the body it hated to become what it hated even more, all because it desired to be pony. This thing was beyond Twilight's understanding of what was evil. This thing, killed, out of site and self loathing that Twilight found she could feel coming off this thing.
She doubled her efforts, and ripped the satyr from the mind. Tearing it's spirit from it's host, whose alicorn shell crumbled to dust, before the human passed out unconscious.
She looked at the ethereal being, as it's soul began to fade. It had no real shape, just a parody of what a shape could be. It lashed out, trying to find something to possess. Instead, Twilight used the last of her magics to send the thing into the void, just as she did with anon. This time she felt nothing as it screamed.
Once it vanished into the void, she looked at the human. It was asleep.
Unconscious, and breathing easy. She took a deep breath herself, and looked to the town. Her magic was drained, dangerously so.
However she had much to do. There were ponies that needed her help, and she intended to give it.
I'm not sure how well I did. He's still alive, whoever he is. His muzzle is a bit off, but defiantly not as bad as it could be. He has white spots on his fur, where my sweat fell. Even a large white palm print on his leg. The fur, now matted and fused to his skin looked strange, and I couldn't think of a way to remove the spot without removing skin as well.
The spots were irregular and warped as well, looking like they had been smudged. However he was still breathing. I don't know if I saved him or merely prevented the inevitable, but he would live long enough to find actual help.
I sighed as I fell on my back and stared up at the sky.
The ponies were still in a panic, but the mist was gone and they were getting back to normal. However, from the few I can see, they were defiantly fully aware of what they did while under the influence of the mists. Many have this far off look in their eyes, even as they try to do what they can to help.
With the mists gone, I can see that some were dead, those who I couldn't see before. Many looked much worse than the pony I just saved, at least I hoped I saved.
It wasn't long until Twilight came to me, limping. Her suit was however still in one piece. She however had seemed to remove the part that once covered her head. She looked around town, before looking to me. Then she saw the pony next to me, and her horn glowed.
"What happened?"
I was too tired to give her many details, I just said what I could.
"He got hurt bad. I used my pen to try and save him."
She nodded, but was concentrating on the pony. I could hear a few bones snap in his jaw.
"There are still bone fragments... Some of this is... Some of his bones and skin are magically immune, but I can move the parts that aren't. I think he'll be fine. I'm just going to see if I can do something about the smaller fragments."
I watched as his face warped just a bit. He looked a bit better, but it still seemed just a bit misshapen. Not in any way I could name, I couldn't put my finger on it, but the shape was off just a bit, enough to be noticeable, but not enough to tell exactly why.
Twilights horn dimmed at this point.
"Thats the best I can do right now. I'm straining with what magic I do have left, but I think I have enough to help the... the..."
The dead were being carried away, by many ponies that looked very depressed. I imagine in a town this small, everyone knew everyone else.
That reminds me.
"Terra, what happened to him?"
Twilight did not answer, she only looked over at the town. Her stance was one of hopelessness and pain. Emotionally drained and not fully prepared to process what was happening right now. I imagine nothing quite this brutal has ever happened here. This is like a civilian watching the aftermath of a war.
"Twilight."
She glanced in my direction. Still with that same face of hopelessness.
"Terra, what happened?"
"I separated the other mind, and sent it away. I think the human part... I think he is going to be okay... I... I need to help out, I'll tell you the rest later."
And with that, she walked off to do what she could.
To be honest, I'm not sure how to take that. Yes, logically I know that this wasn't the fault of whoever Terra was controlling, but unlike Twilight, I did not feel the difference. Still, I was willing to trust her, I'd know more when he awoke.
I couldn't help but wonder, what would Celestia and Luna think when they learned everything that happened here. I don't think she would expect this, I know I didn't. Grove's behavior made it seem that those affected by the mist would feel emotions against their will, but were still in control of their actions. I'm not sure if that is true, but it's how I thought it worked.
Evidently, it was more complicated than that.
I got to my feet, barely anyway. I looked back down at the Pegasus, who I now could see a bit better. He looked much better than when I tried to help, but those white spots were worrying. I could see that his front right hoof has warped a bit, not much but there were white spots that looked like drips of paint that had frozen. Small bubbles seemed to have frozen in the hoof, giving it an odd appearance, but for the most part, it looked usable.
Still, I really did not like the effect my biology had on the world around me. This is the first time I seen that effect on anything alive... Not counting trees, but it was disturbing. I can only hope that when he awoke, it wouldn't be in pain.
I look back to the town and took out my pen. This was an empty victory, and for the first time in my life, I felt a mix of negative emotions. I've always been a laid back individual, content with my place in life. I'm not used to feeling like absolute shit, but I could think on that latter. Right now I could to help clean this mess up. It was the least I could do for those who had just lost way more than I ever did.
My Little Pony: Humans are Cthulhu
We're back on the train. The town is fixed, drawn back into being. It's citizens broken and despondent. The Joylessness state of the denizens in Dodge Junction was palpable. I was glad to be out of there, even if that thought made me feel a sense of sorrow and self loathing for even thinking such a thing considering what these people went through.
It was silent in the train car. Terra, or whoever he is was unconscious, laying on the seat directly in front of us. Facing us.
I don't know what to think about that. Even if this guy was not the cause of this, and it was that Satyr, or whatever Twilight called it that did this, that didn't change the fact that previously he had an alien mind shoved into his skull that made him do things against his will, and if Twilight was to be believed, he was still fully aware of everything.
That can't be good for the psyche.
This Merchant character seemed to be some kind of entity that proposes Faustian bargains to whoever was willing to listen. Why I don't know. Hopefully I never find out.
I glance at Terra, who despite having that thing removed from his mind, still had a light white mist coming from his own body. In fact that same mist was clinging to him, like it was coming from him.
Twilight says that the mist is the only thing about him remotely similar to magic, even if it isn't magic as she understands it. Yet, Twilight says she cannot feel a magical core within him, only a strange hollowness. A void of something that was actively pushing magic away from him, rather than bending around him like it did with me. Twilight said that she could blunt force her way past it, but as soon as she stopped, any magic within him would fade and decay into the void.
I don't claim to understand what she means, but I'll take her word for it.
My eyes are drawn to Terra as he begins to stir. The light white mists become a cool blue as he looks around him. I watch as he looks around.
The mists change to a strange grey as he looks between Twilight and I several times.
"How are you feeling?", asks Twilight.
He slumps in his seat, eyes focused downward.
"Doesn't matter... Where are we going?"
"Canterlot."
He hums but says nothing.
I have to wonder if he even knows what the show is.
"I'm Twilight Sparkle, this is Sketch... Who are you?"
"I don't remember."
I sighed.
"Do you remember anything?"
"Doesn't matter."
This guy looked worse than any of us, like he was less than a shell of what he once was. I'm no good at dealing with people in this situation, but... Well I guess I can try.
"You know, I can only imagine how you feel, but right now you're wallowing in self pity, for something that was not your fault. Blame the Satyr turned wannabe Azazel thing that was living in your head."
"Azazel?", asked Twilight confused.
"Not important."
I had no time to explain the plot of the movie Fallen... maybe later.
Terra or whoever he was looked at me.
"I could have fought harder."
I don't like that mentality.
"You could be as strong as humanly possible, but you will never lift a whole house over your head. Some things are impossible, this might have been one of those times. You tried, just because you can't do it doesn't mean you were weak."
He hummed but otherwise didn't do much.
"I guess..."
Well, I tried.
The mist was a very faded blue at this point, but at least it was staying on the floor. I had to wonder about what it would do if it would still effect others... Can't really say for sure. I don't imagine Twilight would want to test it out.
"So Terra..."
Immediately the mist around him turned a bloody red. He glanced up to look into my eyes and immediately interrupted me.
"Don't call me that."
I blinked at that. Yeah, I can see why he might not want to be called that.
"Well what do you want to be called?"
He looked back down at the blood red mist as it turned back to blue.
"I don't care... Haze I guess."
Makes sense to me.
"Alright Haze it is. Now like I was going to ask you, how did you get into this situation in the first place?"
"I was at home... I was in an online College. I was doing work for it when I hear these whispers... Next thing I knew there was a voice in my head that was slowly taking me over.", he paused as he clamped his hand on his own head as if in pain.
"Took it over piece by piece, until I was stuck in my own mind. Then I was in a desert. I didn't know what was going on, then I got here and... Well it got strange after that."
He looked to Twilight at that said.
I wonder if he saw the show.
I watch as the blue mist starts to slow in it's movements, I could swear I see... Shapes in them. I really do wonder what this mist is. I think I saw a face in it. Not a human one either, or a pony one for that matter. It looked... like a caricature of a face really.
"Twilight, now that we aren't fighting for our life... What is this mist?"
Twilight Blinked as she looked to Haze, who was watching with a curious, if reserved gaze. Her horn started to glow, and she closed her eyes. I watched as lights flowed near the mists, pushing against it, sifting trough it, and observing it.
It flowed way from her magic. The strange action reminded me of water and oil. I could even hear a very low sound coming from the mist, one so low that I had to concentrate to make it out. It sounded like a moan.
Twilight flinched as her hoof went to her head. Her eyes closed tight as she massaged away what was presumably a headache. The mist turned yellow as this happened and Haze flinched.
The glowing of Twilight's horn ceased and she looked to Haze for a moment before turning back to the mist.
"I could only do a preliminary scan, with better equipment I could probably make a better observation... That said, from what I'm seeing the mist is...It's emotion... Raw emotion. It behaved like magic, but not magic as I know it. It's too... Solid. I can't describe it."
She turned to Haze. Watching as the yellow mists turned back to blue.
"Any idea where this mist came form?"
Haze shook his head. Twilight resumed speaking.
"I should have guessed as much, anyway near as I can tell, this seems to be a byproduct of your effect on our universe. Magic can effect you, unlike Sketch, but when it actually does... It doesn't really know what to do, so it does... Whatever this is." She motioned to the mist.
"Why I can only guess. The effect may be unique to humans from your universe, maybe it has weak magic, or something very similar, but if so, your universes magic is drastically different from Equestrian magics. To the point where the two coming together causes this confusion."
She shook her head.
"I can't know everything without a deeper look, but... I can tell the mist feels, or rather whatever Haze feels, so to does the mist. Maybe it's an extension of your emotional state, but that's just a hypothesis."
"Will it have the same effects as before?", asked Haze.
"That, I can't be sure of. We could test it... but."
She glanced at the mist before shaking her head.
"I get it.", said Haze.
I fiddled with the pen in my hand. Twirling it between my fingers as I looked from it to Haze.
"You know Haze... There was another human who came here. Called himself Anonymous, he was aware of this reality. How about you? Have you watched this place?"
Haze looked at me, glancing occasionally at Twilight. He seemed to be hesitant to say anything.
"A bit... You?"
I nodded. Twilight hummed as she put her hoof to her chin. I ignored it as I asked Haze my next question.
"I'm beginning to notice a pattern here. Humans seem to be varied. Tell me, do I look different to you than I should?"
Haze shrugged.
"You got this... Off look to you. can't really explain it. I can tell you're human, but I can tell you are different from me. Why do you ask?"
"Because to me... You look like a three dimensional painting using water colors and cel-shading."
Haze hummed as the mists around him turned an odd green color.
"This place isn't like I thought it should be."
"I know what you mean."
Haze said nothing as the Train moved ever onward.
So, how does one move a being who radiates a mist of emotion without having everyone effected. Well, it turns out it's a massive guard force of about a dozen or so ponies in golden armor escorting us through a vacated street.
They're all on edge, just outside of the mists influence, which now only is radiating about ten feet away from Haze himself before it simply fades into nothing. It's low to the ground, just below his knees. The color is yellow, a very sickly yellow, like pus.
The not faces appear from time to time.
Twilight is walking up front, saying something to the guards, I can't really hear what. I'm more than happy to stay in the back. Gives me time to do my favorite thing. Think.
Have you ever thought to yourself why something specific happened to you, I certainly did right about now. I mean, sure two other humans showed up here, but why was I included in this series of, to put it lightly, rather odd events.
I mean, the first guy Anonymous did some kind of ritual, how I don't know, and considering the sacrifice thing I defiantly don't want to know. Who could shatter probability and break magic, something that Twilight told me was impossible, at least how Anonymous did so was.
Haze of the other hand is here because a Half human pony hybrid decided to pull an Azazel and possess him like he was Linda Blair... well technically Regan MacNeil but that hardly seems important right now. He got to have a creepy mist follow him around that made anyone who got to close feel what he felt against their will.
Me on the other hand... I fell asleep after a long day and woke with the power of Buggs Bunny in the episode Duck Amuck where he was using animator powers to troll Daffy, and as a bonus I was effectivlely made of sentient Dip from Roger Rabbit making me a walking environmental hazard as far as the universe was concerned.
Do humans coming here just casually get super powers for no real reason? Because that seems stupid.
There is a reason for everything, well almost everything, there has yet to be a reason for existence to exist other than existence apparently having the capacity to exist, but I didn't count philosophical issues right now.
I know that just thinking about problems won't answer them without knowing more details, but at the moment, I was given conclusions, but nothing preceding them.
Humans can come to Equestria just because.
Humans get powers when in Equestria just because.
I'm currently in Equestria just because.
Seriously, can I please get some details here, something concrete, because this shit doesn't seem plausible now that I think about it.
What is going on anyway.
Is it alternate laws of physics or something else.
Maybe it's... No that can't be it...
What kind of sense would that make...
I can be in a fanfic... Can I...
You know now that I think about it...
ERROR
So, Haze was talking to Celestia and Luna... alone.
Twilight and I were out here in a very nice looking room waiting for them to finish up. At the moment, I'm leaning against a wall, noticing Twilight had this look on her face. Like she was thinking.
I take in a breath. Something... seems off. What was I thinking about... I remember something about details.
Wait, now I remember, Humans getting powers in Equestria.
You know, now that I think about it, doesn't seem all that odd considering the fact a unicorn turned alicorn is standing next to me.
Why was it bothering me before anyway, I mean, contradictory laws of physics and all that.
...You know, that seems like a cop out. Something you would see in bad fanfi....
ERROR
"Haze wishes to make up for what he did, I informed him was unnecessary, but he insisted. However, we wish to better understand his mist. We are only partly aware of it's effects. After he feels he has made up for something that I feel inclined to again remind him isn't his fault. He will return home.", said Celestia.
Well, at least he could return home...
When did she get here anyway? I can't seem to recall her entering the room.
I probably need to pay attention to my surroundings a bit more. Huh, reminds me of George Carlin's things we have in common routine. I'm a bit young for Alzheimer's disease, but still.
"If he's staying here for study, am I. I don't mind, Actually I wouldn't mind figuring out what's going on with me."
"Your immunity to magic makes tests difficult. You abilities, if it can really be called as such, is less... uncontrollable as Hazes.", said Celestia with a glance to Haze who was speaking to Luna off to the side. Still as morose as ever.
As for what Celestia said, well that's convenient... I think. Convenient for me. Seems rather contrived. But... I wasn't going to argue with it. Despite what I said, I kind of didn't want bunch of old guys... or in this case ponies to look t me like I was their equivalent of the Roswell Alien.
"Works for me."
Celestia gave me a look, one of disappointment. She looked between me and Twilight, who remained silent so far, a look of contemplation on her face.
"We need to talk about what happened in Dodge Junction. When I asked you for aid Sketch, a battle was not what I had in mind."
Yeah, when Celestia asked me for a favor, she asked me to investigate and if possible reverse it. Why me? Well two reasons, one I was effectively the most knowledgeable individual on humans, mostly because I was one. Two, apparently stopping Anonymous with Twilight made me the only person, other than Twilight herself, with any experience in this field.
Not that defeating Anonymous was any great feat, guy was kind of pathetic really.
"Shit happens.", I said with a shrug.
Celestia was not amused.
"I am aware of the situation and how it escalated the way it did. However, that apathetic attitude speaks little of you considering that many ponies are now... No longer with us."
Right, dead ponies. That did happen. You know, I really did feel bad about that, but not to any significant degree, I didn't know those ponies. It's hard to really feel strongly about something that happened to individuals you didn't know on any personal level.
Yes I realize that makes me sound like an absolute asshole, but then again, I think if people were honest with themselves, they didn't feel as strongly about someone they never met dying verses someone they had a connection, platonic or otherwise with.
If you believe otherwise, then you are either dishonest, or know everyone ever born ever on a level that was impossible. Considering this was only my second day here, I had no time to know any of these ponies. On a conscious level, I knew they were individuals with hopes and dreams and a life that was valuable, but on the subconscious level they were strangers I knew nothing about.
Yes it's fucked up, but that's just basic human psychology.
Not that I was going to say that out loud. No I put on a face of sadness that I did feel, but didn't feel as strongly as Celestia, looked to the ground as if I couldn't meet her eyes. And said the only thing I could think of.
"Sorry."
What else could I say.
I'm an anti-social asshole, but I also really do care how others think of me. We all tell lies, even to ourselves. It's not honest, but it's a great coping mechanism for the absurdity that is life.
I like to think that it doesn't make you a bad person, just normal. If you truly cared about everyone everywhere like you knew them your whole life, well then you must be in a state of emotional anguish every second of every day of every year considering how often people die. I prefer to be happy thank you very much.
Celestia nodded with soft smile.
"No need to apologize Sketch, I'm sure it was just a moment of thoughtlessness on your part, we aren't perfect after all. I think I may have overestimated your capabilities."
Thoughtlessness yes, but from my experience Humor is a knee jerk reaction, a way to cope with a simultaneously entertaining and fucked up world. It's a bit odd to have that mentality in an idealized paradise, sure Equestria had its problems, but not not the degree you would see back home, but well that's human personality for you, tends to be consistent no matter the situation.
I noticed Celestia had a look on her face, nothing bad, just what I assume is her collecting her thoughts.
"I am preparing various forms of aid to Dodge Junction, I do appreciate what you did there, but it needs more help to get back on it's hooves."
Celestia looked to Twilight, who still only seemed partly aware of what was going on around her.
"Twilight, are you okay?", asked Celestia with concern.
Twilight blinked rapidly before turning to her mentor.
"Sorry Princess, I was thinking. I'm fine, honest."
Celestia didn't seem convinced, and to be honest I wasn't either.
"What are you thinking about?"
"Humans...", said Twilight with a glance to Haze.
"...When I was trying to separate the... Satyr from Haze, I found out a few things I'm still trying to wrap my head around. I'll be fine, don't worry about me princess."
Twilight smiled. It seemed genuine, but there was something off about it. Like the smile didn't quite reach her eyes. Celestia did have a worried look on her face, but she seemed to accept the answer.
"If you need to talk about it, I am here for you Twilight. You may be the Princess of Friendship, but even Princesses still have things to learn. Even me."
Twilight looked like she wanted to say something, her expression seemed more natural, but she said nothing before giving her mentor a small nod.
It was at this time Luna and Haze came back. I assume that she was explaining to Haze what he would be doing while here. Or ensuring him that the tests won't be too evasive. He still looked depressed, I got to say, I feel for the guy, but I never really understood people who blame themselves for things that was beyond their control. Oh I get it, especially in his situation, but I still don't fully understand it.
I believe in knowing your limits, I personally think that blaming yourself for something beyond that is one overestimating their limits. Maybe I'm wrong, but Philosophy is strange like that.
"Haze has been informed," Said Luna.
Celestia nodded before turning back to me and Twilight.
"You are welcome to stay in the castle for the night, if you wish. It is getting late."
I liked that idea, what can I say, it's a castle, I kind of always wanted to sleep in one.
I like this room. It's big, really big. With lots of stuff. It had a lot of shelves of books, enchanted bed made partly out of cloud (That I fell right through because magical immunity reasons), a writing desk, and my favorite a balcony. Very extravagant, but hey, I wasn't complaining... Except for maybe the bed. Which was being replaced.
When I fell through it, it started to turn black and drip ink.
You know, I'm a nerdy guy, and like all nerds, I had thought that having super powers were cool, personally I would go for electrokenisis, after all it's both a good power to fight, and had more mundane uses, like charging my phone just by holding it.
If you would ask my a few days ago if the ability to sweat a reality destroying solvent was a cool power, I would say... Yes, please give me this odd Lovecraftian like super power, sounds bitchin'. Now, well it was just damn inconvenient.
My clothes are stained with ink. Considering the shirt I'm wearing, I must look like a really Edgy Captain America, and I usually hate edgy. Too much brooding and angsty angst of angsting angstness.
So, I'm siting on a balcony, and doing my favorite past time. Fucking thinking, because what else am I going to do.
One is an event, twice is a coincidence, and three times is a pattern. In Two days, three humans, including myself have come to Equestria and seemingly by doing so gain strange abilities beyond our scope.
Apparently humans here are just strange.
"Someone looks deep in thought."
I blink as I turn my head to Discord, who is sitting on nothing at all with a smile on his face.
"You seem to be one of these individuals cursed with over thinking things to a ridiculous degree. You have that face on a lot now that I think about it."
I shrugged at the chaos spirit as I looked over Canterlot. Looked very nice from here actually.
"I'm a thinker. At least I fancy myself as one."
Discord barked a laugh.
"I'm sure the gift of reason was not wasted in your head. I'd even say based on what I seen it's a bit over taxed. You should give it a break. I do... Sometimes literally for the sake of my own personal entertainment. And I do so like messing with others."
"Right, the trans-dimensional species of nerds and stalkers. Well, I suppose you must have taste if you watched to watch little old me, that speaks well of your sense of humor."
Discord pulled out a bar of gold, an proceeded to bite into it.
"You know, I was in my own pocket universe, that's a universe inside of another universe..."
"I know the concept."
Discord froze s he stared at me and three the bar of gold off to the side. His eyes narrowed and he just kind of stared at me like I said something very VERY stupid.
"...Did you just interrupt me?"
Okay, maybe interrupting the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony is a very bad idea.
"Sorry."
He narrowed his eyes for few minutes before crossing his arms.
"And you should be. Honestly the nerve, the absolute gall. How do you sleep at night! You should be ashamed of yourself."
"I said I was sorry."
"No no, I'm not finished. Now where was I... Ah yes, the arrogance, the absolute I have never seen such disrespect and audacity in my everlasting life. Why, if I could I would teach you a lesson by raining chocolate milk upon you, Chocolate milk in glass jugs. Maybe a concussion will learn you some manners... Okay, I'm done."
He nodded before looking at me. Then he did something odd and seemed to wait for something. I noticed his talon like claws were tapping at his side. Then he made a face as he turned back to me.
"Well, I was supposed to ask if you noticed the small cuts in time I observed while I was home, but... I find my mood and mind has changed, so I'll be leaving. Goodbye."
And like that Discord disappeared.
I was left wondering, what he meant by cuts in time, but I found that, while it rung a few bells in my head, I couldn't quite put my finger on it.
"Strange."
I suppose that's just another thing to ponder for later, right now, it was getting late.
I couldn't help but wonder however what he meant by him being 'supposed' to tell me that.
As the morning sun rose, within a decent sized park within Ponyville, a large herd of young ponies played around the scattered playgrounds with each other. Each of their respective parents sitting down to speak among themselves n a variety of topics. It was a calm place, a place of peace.
Innocent games and idle chatter dominated the sounds as the pegasi above moved the clouds to their needed location. Not far outside of this park, past the gardens of assorted flowers, jungle gyms, and ponds lay a small grove, mostly hidden from view by a series of tall trees. There was a trail leading from the park to the grove, but at the moment, it was devoid of life.
Nopony saw the iridescent ribbons of existence itself weave together into a tall bipedal shape. Spacetime itself attempted to flee from this thing, but ever so slowly, it was forced towards this thing, forced to bring it into reality.
An ebony fire burned around the slowly shifting waves of existence, until it was literally burned into being.
The Omnipresent field of magic trembled as it was forced to love this abomination of Equestrian physics against whatever alien form of will magic actually possessed, unable to escape this thing that now stood tall within the grove. It opened it's eyes, and the world did swoon.
This boy, an unassuming human with boyish good looks, Dark black hair, and red eyes like burning coal. The tanned almost bronze tone of his skin shone with an eldritch light, not reflecting the sun away, but holding it onto his very skin.
He was well Groomed and impeccably dressed in all black attire, he took notice of the path before him as a smile crossed his face, showing straight and perfect teeth as white as pearls.
He smiled and observed a world that was quickly shifting blue from his perspective.
It was a look many a woman would find attractive, but to the universe itself this was a thing to be feared, for unlike the other errors in reality, this one was not avoiding magic, nor did magic skim it's being, no, the ever present field of magic bent into it's very being like some perverse singularity. He hummed as he took it's first steps in a new and familiar world.
Light to him turned a slight blur color and even seemed to brighten in it's presence, but in an unnatural way, almost like it was being pulled towards him. The trees were greener than they were before, and many things seemed to be bending in his direction as he entered the park.
The boy smiled brilliantly as the ponies all moved towards him, many bowing as if he were royalty or a deity. He looked to the green mare with the lyre cutie mark and cupped her chin as he lifted it so they may look into each others eyes, the mare did shiver and shutter as he spoke with a musical, almost ethereal voice.
"My aren't you the beauty Miss Heartstrings. It takes my breath away. you may call me Noir Gate, tell me, would you have me?"
"Yes, a thousand times yes!", said Lyra, even as her heart screamed.
I woke as the sun rose across the sky much faster then I expected. when I opened my eyes it had just peak across the horizon, and by the time I stretched and rose from my seat it was already half way up, and still moving.
Celestial mechanics is weird like that in Equestria.
I look over Canterlot for a moment as ponies go about their business before noticing something very odd.
In the distance toward Ponyville, everything seemed to have acquired a slight red tint. It was hard to describe, and I almost could have mistaken it for the rays of the sun, but it seemed off. Like the space in and around Ponyville was just a bit redder than it should have been.
Actually, now that I was looking, the Ponies below weren't going about their business, they were all facing the direction of Ponyville, and walking towards it.
"The hell!"
I watched as an army of them were shuffling like mindless zombies over to Ponyville. I couldn't make out who was there, but I did see both Celestia and Luna flying with a team of Pegasi in that direction.
This was some zombie movie shit right here, and I have a feeling I know what caused this.
Another fucking human, and this one was going straight up Orwellian or something to that effect on the ponies.
I burst out the room and ran down the hallways. First thing I noticed, the whole damn castle is empty. No Celestia, No Luna, no guards or servants, not anyone.
I'm breathing really hard now as I run past everything, I need to get to Ponyville fast, and since I don't know how the fucking portals work, it looks like I'm walking.
It's during this run that I notice something, own one of the halls, I see grey mists billowing from under a door.
Looks like I may not be in this alone.
So I go to the door, find it locked, say fuck that and kick it open to find Haze sleeping comfortably on a rather nice bed. Well, he wasn't sleeping any more.
"Sketch... The fuck was that for?"
My hands are on my knees as I take deep breaths of air that I probably don't really need. The mist turns a slight red color as I look to Haze.
"Ponies heading towards Ponyville, like zombies or something. I think another human got here, one with mind controlling powers or something. The whole damn castle is empty."
The mists turn back to grey with a slight yellow tint as he gets onto his feet.
It's at this point I realize Haze sleeps in the nude.
"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST DUDE PUT SOME PANTS ON!"
"You broke down the door dumb ass."
No argument here, I run out the door and close it. Well not close it, apparently I in kicking it have destroyed the locking and closing mechanism beyond repair.
Today is not my day.
"Why is it red?"
"Don't ask me."
So here we are, walking towards Ponyville, watching the many MANY ponies that are all heading in the exact same direction.
It's very odd seeing all the ponies with this look of bliss on their face as they march in a single direction. A closer look reveals that their pupils have altered their shape completely to resemble little hearts.
I swear if this is Anonymous back with even more inexplicable superpowers, I'm going to strangle him.
Haze looks around, his mists are flowing around him, but I don't see any effects on the ponies, other than a few having their faces twitch a bit unnatural.
"Do you... Do you think they will be alright?"
I looked at one pony who breathed in the sickly yellow mist make a face of fear for but a moment before it shifted back to normal.
"I don't think they are alright now, whatever your mists do can't be any worse."
At least I hope not.
The yellow of the mists did dim bit, but remained. I think yellow means fear. Makes sense to me, I think his nickname should be Sinestro, but I don't think he would appreciate that one. Plus the colors change.
You know, knowing what colors mean would be a good thing, if Yellow is Fear, Red seems to be anger and rage, based on what happened before, gray is apathy I think... I remember when he woke up the mist was a nice sky blue color, then it turned grey. I think it turned a deeper blue after we talked. Maybe blue is sadness or something.
I wish I had a mood ring, maybe I could slip one on him to figure all this shit out.
"Other than that mist, what else can you do?"
Haze glances to me and shrugs.
"I don't know."
Looks like trial and error is the way to go. I think he can control others, Terra seemed to be able to do that. Not on the same scale as what is happening now, but close enough.
"Try something."
"Like what, I can't exactly control my emotional state."
"I don't know, experiment. Try and see if you can do something. I mean I'm walking paint thinner. My pen can draw stuff into existence, you have to be able to do something other than make ponies feel things."
"Why? Why should I be able to do something else?"
"Because..."
Huh, I can't answer that. Not really. In fact... I don't know why I said that. Why did I say that?
"...I don't know."
Haze blinked before giving a small shrug. The mists turned a faded green. Maybe sadness and fear mixed, not sure.
...Why did I say that?
SO. MUCH. WALKING.
Seriously, it feels like HOURS upon HOURS has passed, but the sun hasn't moved an inch.
That cannot be good.
It's hard to tell how long time passes when the sun stays in the sky like it'd doing now. We even had to pack up and sleep in an abandoned house off the side of the road, and when we woke up, the sun was still in the same damn spot.
Seriously, this is not good.
You think eternal night is bad, imagine eternal day.
Anyway, we make it about a mile outside of town, and the sky just... Well it changed colors. Where before it was red, now it's blue... But only behind us, in front of us it's still red.
It happened slowly, only just now can I see the weird ass blue tint to the world behind, not just the sky, EVERYTHING is blue behind us, it even looks faded. Yet the world in the opposite direction is red. I can't really tell where the line between the two is, but it still looks strange.
Why are all these ponies heading to the same location?
Haze scratches his head as he looks around.
"It's not like my mist. It's like the world is lit up by a red light... What is this anyway?"
I could only shrug.
Fuck if I know what's going on around here. We move closer.
Everything behind us is also much brighter, and lights once to dim to see were now HIGHLY visible, and brighter than they can be.
Everything seemed to get smaller behind us and contract as we got closer and closer. It seems to grow strangely. Half of our view, was Ponyville, everything else seemed to be... Leaving for lack of a better word.
I was reminded of that scene from 2001 when that guy who shuts down HAL goes through that LSD nightmare towards the end.
Then... Everything not Ponyville just... Stopped existing.
Everything red, everything that was not Ponyville just... Contracted to a single red point. And ceased to be.
Everything was Ponyville. I can look behind myself, towards where Canterlot should be, but I can only see Ponyville. I look up, and there is Ponyville. All around us, and in every direction is Ponyville. Every direction points to Ponyville.
No way out, every direction lead to Ponyville, every single one. Up, down, left, right, and all around us.
Haze and I can only look around us, and see infinite Ponyville, all around us, everywhere.
There was no more sun, no light source of any kind, and yet... I could see everything just fine. Blue was gone, replaced only with black, but we Could still SEE everything.
So, I did the logical thing...and just freaked right the fuck out and went stark raving mad.
"Oh Shit! Oh Shit! Oh Shit!..."
Haze looked all around, every direction was Ponyville, every single one, and we found ourselves lost in a space where everywhere lead to our destination.
"What the hell is going on?"
Haze said that. His mists was a very VERY Bright yellow, and the not-faces looked like they were fucking terrifyed. They had every right to be.
Because I think I know what just happened.
"I think... Ponyville is some kind of Black Hole... And we just crossed the Event Horizon."
Redshift... Fucking Redshift, that's why everything was red. The Gravitational forces were making light moving away from us red, and light moving towards us blue.
Granted this isn't 100% how a Black Hole is supposed to work, but it has all the signs of one. Space behind us squeezing to a point before vanishing, that was us crossing the Event Horizon. Meaning that somewhere in this town was the singularity... And I had a feeling that the Singularity was the human here...
After that freak out, We found that all the ponies were crowded, damn near packed like sardines together in the center of town. They left no room to move without stepping on them.
All of them were smiling unnaturally, staring at the same direction. At the only space where there was any room.
I saw him.
He was walking in a circle, watching the ponies around him with a smile on his face as he watched the ponies damn near worshiping him... And he looked pleased.
He had a unique art style to him.
Photo-realistic, I almost could say he looked as real as I did, but there was this strange emphasis on darker colors. Kind of like a charcoal drawing really. As he walked around however, things changed. Lights would dim or brighten around him based on his position, but... There weren't any lights. So what was it?
"What do we do?"
I turn to Haze, then back to the guy who seems content just having ponies watch him and smile at him.
It's like he was a figurative black hole turned literal.
His gravity is so great it's bending everyone attention towards him. Apparently spacetime itself was along for the ride.
"Oh Noir!", swooned every single pony at the same time.
"His name is Noir... he better refer to every female as Dame or Doll, because otherwise that is pants on head retarded."
"Sketch?"
The minute I saw that look I knew we were in trouble. Haze was looking at me with this fearful look sketched on his face. Yellow mist clinging to him like freshly exhaled cigarette smoke.
Fear. Always fear.
My blood ran cold in my veins. Cold as the frozen tundra of the Crystal Empire in the winter. Cold as a dames heart right before she puts the knife to your back.
I knew he expected me to have some idea, some grand plan that could put some light to this darkness. I'd hate to tell him I had none, we were up shit creek without a paddle. Drawn into a conflict that was beyond our scope. Here we were, being sucked into a downward spiral from which we couldn't escape.
Maybe we had a shot, but in the hustle and bustle of this mess, I doubted it. Really lit a fire under my ass something fierce. Much like dodge Junction did, only here, the stakes were higher.
I popped my collar up against the wind and looked down the street.
Ponyville was a hole, but it was my hole. As long as she would have me, hopefully not for long when I made my way home....
Okay enough of the Noir shit.
"I got nothing."
"You said he's like a Black Hole... How do you destroy a Black Hole."
I know he's scared, being forced into a situation he did not want to be in, but really, I had to say something snarky to that question. If only to cope wit the situation.
"Do you really think we can destroy an object millions of times heavier than our planet which is held together by a gravitational pull so powerful that even light can't escape it? That said, this is a guy with characteristics of a Black Hole, that doesn't mean he is one. Just... like one... I think."
I really have no idea whats going on. I'm literally just making this up as I go along.
I like knowing shit, and maybe I'm wrong. No I know I'm wrong, but at least if I bullshit an explanation I'll feel better. I'll revise it after this crap is over and done with.
"Just scratch everything I said from your mind, because I know absolutely jack and shit about what's going on right now."
Haze glared at me.
"That is really helpful."
Well fuck you to.
Looking back at the worship going on as I drink in the situation.
I gotta be honest, I'm trying to keep my cool, but I find myself getting distracted by stuff that... Why am I so distracted when I try to think about what's going on?
I swear it's like something is fucking with my mind as I think things... Is that happening.
I shake my head in an attempt to clear it... Wait... What is that...
It sounds like.... Typing.... The hell!
My eyes shoot open as I look around at Haze whose still looking at me with a concerned gaze. His mist is green.
"Sketch... Are you okay?"
No I really wasn't.
I know something is wrong here. Something that is there, just behind the scenes doing. I don't feel in control of myself. I feel like a puppet on strings...
"I can smell cigarette smoke... For real this time, but... I can't tell where it's coming from."
Holy Shit what is that... I can smell cigarette smoke... For real this time, but... I can't tell where it's coming from... What is that voice... It sounds like... Discord.
"I'm sorry. I'm just as much a slave to it as you. I can't do anything... And in a moment neither you or I will remember any of it. I'm sorry."
WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO ME! OH GOD I THINK I"M A....
ERROR
"Maybe we can get behind him and take him out.", said Haze.
I shook my head.
"No, we can't even get to him with all these ponies packed together like this."
I couldn't see any way to get through to this mess of worshiping ponies looking at this human turned sentient Black Hole...
Wait... didn't I earlier denounce him being a Black Hole... I think I did... Okay this is weird. I think...
"Sketch?"
I blink rapidly as I look over to Haze.
His mist is green.
"Sorry... I was thinking."
"Well..."
I sighed. This really was a situation I wasn't fully prepared for.
If only there was some way to free the... Holy shit I think I've got it.
"Haze... I think I have an idea."
Haze blinked as he focused all his attention onto me. I take a deep breath.
"I just need you to get close as you can to the princesses, and when your mist covers them, get as angry as you can."
He gave me this look, before nodding.
"What about you, What are you going to do?"
I took out my pen.
"I'm going to draw up a distraction."
BACK ON TRACK.
My Little Pony: Humans are Cthulhu
This is a dumb plan. Without a doubt the dumbest thing I have ever come up with. It relied on insane troll logic to work. It was crazy.
Crazy enough to work? Maybe... But Probably fucking not.
Haze looked at what I handed him before staring blankly back at me. The mist was now purple. Never seen that one before, but I'll assume that’s annoyance.
"And I have to wear this because...", he asked while fiddling with the fake cat ears I just drew.
"To not be a person."
And he only blankly stared at me. Like I was the idiot.
"What?"
"Well, I'm going to draw something. Now keep in mind I have never done this before, but I'm going to draw something alive."
"Why?"
"Because... Reasons okay."
It's starting to cease to amuse me.
"Look, I'm going to draw something that will attack Noir over there, but not the ponies. Yes this is dumb, but I have reason to think it will work."
"And the cat ears?"
"This thing only eats people, not cat people.."
"...Eats."
"Yep."
"Okay, I'm going to go along with this... But I think it's really stupid. And if it fails, I'm going to hold you accountable, not one last question."
Noted.
"Yeah?"
"Why do I have to wear fake cat ears... And you get fake alien antenna?"
Because cat people are stupid.
"Because reasons."
It amuses me again.
Haze glared at me before slipping on the fake ears.
"I hate you so much right now."
And like that he watched as I began to draw.
So, how do you take out a human, but nothing else. Well, I knew of one thing and one thing only that could help.
I started to draw. stepping into the role of creator for the first time. I really have no idea if this is a good idea. Will this make me the creator... or destroyer.
Why am I drawing this thing... I could swear I convinced myself that was the dumbest things I could do.
I guess that desperate times call for desperate measures, but... No, I better just get started before I get seen.
First was the eye, there was only one, I made it vaguely reptilian in appearance, with a few veins for that general crazy look. The maw of razor sharp teeth resembled a dragons mouth... Somewhat, but much wider.
A single horn on it's head, like a curved unicorn horn, similar to what Sombra had only a bit longer and with a serrated edge.
Next came the body, which was somewhat humanoid, but with scales. Arms were slightly longer than they needed to be, a row of spikes going down the side of the forearm and each finger was tipped with foot long bone like talons.
I drew it with some dragon-like wings that were a bit small, but not too much, and definitely not as small compared to the rest of it as a pegasi.
Legs were dog-like, with Raptor feet. Finally the tail, very long and whip-like. Several rows of spines down it's back, kinda like an iguana.
All in all, it looked like a stubby dragon with the head of a Beholder minus the extra eyes. I liked it.
Next came the shading. I fiddled with the fake antenna on my head as I shaded him carefully, and watched as he took on a purple color.
Didn't take too long, I'd say about ten minutes before I finished the damn thing.
I looked at my creation in all it's glory as it
It's red eye blinked for the first time and it stared at me with a quirked head.
"Da-da?"
...Sure, Why the hell not.
"Ummmm... Hi son."
The thing looked to Haze and hissed a bit. However it still looked... Confused.
Thick purple drool fell from it's maw like Purple Rain...I think I'll name him Prince.
"Your name is Prince."
He growled a bit. Before squeaking and smiling.
"Prince! I likey!"
My god that was adorable... In the strangest possible way.
Prince turned from me, to Haze before quirking his adorably over-sized head and pointed at Haze.
"Num num?"
"What the hell!", said Haze as he took a step back.
"No, not num num."
I pointed to the group of ponies, where Noir would be.
"There is a person that way, he is num num."
A long tongue resembling a squids tentacle licked it's teeth.
"Yum Yum!"
Then it flew off. Haze watched it for but a moment before turning to me.
"Sketch... What the hell did you just draw?"
I shrugged.
"Just a one eyed one horned flying purple people eater."
So I watched as... what was apparently my son flew over the ponies towards Noir, who took one look at the thing, and fell flat on his ass.
"Wop bop a lula wop bam boom!", screamed Prince as he swooped down over Noir.
"WHAT THE HELL!", screamed Noir as he kicked at Prince.
Prince grabbed Noirs leg and jerked at it, until the other leg hit him Prince at his hand.
"OWCHY!", said Prince as he put his hand in his mouth.
...Oh no he did not just kick my son.
I stood up as Haze took off towards the Princesses, who were glaring at Prince. In fact, all ponies were glaring at Prince, and each one looked pissed.
A flash of purple light was flung from within the crowd, and I could see Twilight among the crowd. As expected, the magic had no effect.
Hundreds of ponies went after Prince, who took to the skies, not Twilight, nope she began looking around.
"Sketch, I know you are here. You are the only one who could have made a magically resistant monster."
Damn autistic alicorn and her logic... And shame on her for calling Price a monster... He's adorable... Then again I thought the gremlins that ate after midnight were cute too so maybe I can't be the best judge on that one.
Now back to the situation at hand, I would go out there, without fear too considering my magic immunity... But that's Twilight Sparkle. I may be immune to magic, but if anyone wouldn't be inconvenienced by that... it's her.
Where the hell is Haze anyway?
It's not easy to see anything with this stampede of various ponies going after a one eyed one horned flying purple people eater... My god my life is weird as all hell since I got here. Either way, I'm not sticking my head out to the mind controlled alicorn with Doctor Strange level magic powers and the intellect of Sherlock Holmes. I'm not that stupid.
Still, I needed to see if Haze had made it to at least one of the princesses. So maybe I am that stupid.
So I stick my head out a bit more to watch the chaos and I see Haze foot it towards Celestia. His mist was yellow green... not exactly angry.
"Found you!"
Shit.
So Twilight sees me and takes to the skies... I was under the impression that at this point, seeing that she is still has the damn library tree, that she wasn't so god at flying, decent maybe, but she took off like a damn jet.
So I do the only sensible thing and cheese it.
I have no idea if she is following me, readying to fire magic missile, or whatever, but I do know that I am not looking behind me. So I run toward Haze, who...
Haze just jumped on Celestia’s back...
I actually stop for a moment to comprehend the event before me. Haze is holding around Celestia, Legs hooked around her wings, and arms around her neck as Celestia bucks like this is the goddamn rodeo.
And then what I can only assume was 400 pounds of purple alicorn crashes into me. I really don't know how much Twilight weights, but based on what I just felt, I would say that’s about right...
Oh and OW!
Then the pain vanishes. Like it always does...
That’s right, pain here is temporary for me. How the hell did I forget that?
So I'm face first in the dirt, chaos all around me, and I hear Twilight breathing heavily.
"Stay still."
Yeah...No.
"The Buck!"
I ignore Twilight... I really do hesitate to call it a curse. I know cursing, I watch Lewis Black, Louis C.K. and George Carlin, that is not cursing... but I digress. I put my palms to the ground, and push up. My vision is filled with black spots as I slowly... Really slowly because damn what does this pony eat?
Eventually I roll to the side, and without hands or... Well without the power of grasping like a human would have, Twilight slips right off... It's at this point I realize the spots filling my vision is not my own distorted vision, no... It's ink.
The ground is dark, pitch black and it's dripping upwards very slowly. Now that I can actually see what is going on around me, I can see that a portal has appeared before me, a very small portal, so small that I couldn't fit through it. My arms maybe, but not the rest of me, and I can see Haze on the other side, and the portal seems to be following him because Celestia was still bucking.
"SKETCH!", said Haze surprised, but it was all he said as he gripped Celestia tighter.
I notice now that his mist is leaking out of the portal, and it's yellow... Fucking yellow.
As such, Celestia looks scared as all hell. Well at least it looks like this will work.
"What are you doing, get angry!"
"HOW!"
Really good question.
Before I could say anything, Twilight gets back on her hooves and snorts angrily.
"I'm going to enjoy this."
Well... Shit.
Now magic doesn't work on me, but indirectly, well Discord proved that it works just fine that way. For example when I saw Twilight lift a house... I repeat A FUCKING HOUSE... and slowly move it towards me... Well I realized I was pretty much screwed.
I scramble to my feet, and the portal follows me, only for the house to quickly be FUCKING TELEPORTED OVER ME... And fall at a speed that it should not have fallen at it's current height and...
ERROR
"I'm going to enjoy this."
The FUCK!
I watch as Twilight lifts the house that slowly moves over to me... again... I scramble to my feet...again... and the portal follows me... again... only for the house to quickly be teleported over me... Again... And fall at a speed that it should not have fallen at it's current height and...
ERROR
"I'm going to enjoy this."
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!
The house moves over me, and this time I try rolling out the way... Only for the house to teleport over me again and...
ERROR
"I'm going to enjoy this."
Is this what death is like. Do you just live it over and over again just to hammer in the point that you can't do anything about it.
The house slowly moved towards me.
I look to the portal and see Haze on the ground and staring around him seemingly confused.
"What the fuck."
Wait did Haze...
ERROR
"I'm going to enjoy this."
FUCK EVERYTHING!
I pull out my pen, prepare to draw...
"Sketch... WHAT IS GOING ON!", screams Haze as the house teleports over me and...
ERROR
ERROR
ERROR
ERROR
...I lay down as the house slowly drifts towards me as I look to the portal.
You know dying over and over again can surprisingly enough get really old, really fast. My arms are crossed as I look to the portal to Haze who seems resigned. He glances at me, still holding onto Celestia, something he seems to have become an expert at considering how he can looked bored while doing it.
He focuses his eyes on mine.
"So, know any jokes?", he asks.
ERROR
ERROR
ERROR
ERROR
ERROR
ERROR
ERROR...ERROR...ERROR
...I lay down as the house slowly drifts towards me as I look to the portal.
"...So the guy agrees to go to the nursing home for two weeks like his daughter suggested, anyway he's taking a bath and the nurse bends down and starts blowing him..."
ERROR
...I lay down as the house slowly drifts towards me as I look to the portal.
"...He calls his daughter and says he wants to stay in the nursing home..."
ERROR
...I lay down as the house slowly drifts towards me as I look to the portal.
"...The Next day he falls down and the orderly sees him helpless, pulls down his pants and starts fucking him in the ass..."
ERROR
...I lay down as the house slowly drifts towards me as I look to the portal.
"...So he calls his daughter again and says 'You got to get me the fuck out of here'..."
ERROR
...I lay down as the house slowly drifts towards me as I look to the portal.
"...She asks why, and he says, 'Because, I take a bath twice a week, I fall down thirteen times day..."
ERROR
...I lay down as the house slowly drifts towards me as I look to the portal.
Haze laughs at the dirty joke we have been telling through this stupid ass time loop.
"Well that's the last dirty joke I know..."
ERROR
...I lay down as the house slowly drifts towards me as I look to the portal.... Damn this is fucking stupid.
"Yeah, I got no more either.", said Haze.
ERROR
...I lay down and cross my arms irritably as the house drifts over me and I sigh.
"This is really fucking stupid..."
ERROR
"Well, what haven't you tried?"
"At this point, nothing much... I lost count, how many times have I been crushed by a house?"
ERROR
Haze shrugged.
"Yeah me to, you know, I just realized every time I fall off Celestia it only hurts for like a second..."
ERROR
"... Then it vanishes right before the loop starts."
"Yeah, same here..."
ERROR
"This is really stupid."
Haze nods as he looks to the house.
"Damn thing falls to fast."
I blink... Wait a minute.
ERROR
"I'm going to enjoy this."
I blink as I watch the house Drift over to me...I pulled out my pen in such a way that Twilight wouldn't be able to see, I draw an anvil, a very small anvil, about the size of a golf ball. Then I pluck one of my hairs and hold each one to my side. I wait for the house to get just over me and I drop both. Everything falls slower than an anvil.
"The Buck!"
I get on my hands and knees as I start to crawl, each moment pulling a hair and releasing it, the house is falling at a slow speed, but only as fast as my hair can fall. After all, it has to fall slower than the anvil, which has to fall slower than the hair.
Discord did say that it only works when the thing falling is alive, the feather was him cheating, but... Well the skin cells on that hair was still alive... Looks like it counts. Good to know.
Finally I get out from under the house, and only a second later it hits the ground. Sending debris up into the air. I smile as I look to Haze, who is still holding onto Celestia for dear life.
"Sketch... You are starting to annoy me."
I turn to Twilight whose heart shaped pupils are glaring at me with fury. something hits her on the head.
She blinks as a very tiny anvil falls off of her and hits the ground.
She stares at it for a second before I turn back to the portal to see Haze still holding on. Yellow mist. His mist is still fucking yellow.
Great, now I have to make him angry. How to make him angry? There has to be something I can... Wait a minute.
"HEY TERRA! Ruined anyone else's lives recently"
"DO NOT CALL ME THAT!"
The mist turns red, and Celestia stops bucking as she and Haze glare at me.
You know, I don't think I fully though this through.
"Oh good your angry."
He narrows his eyes, and even though I can't see Celestia, her wings just twitched.
"No fuck you Terra, you useless bag of shit. You want to do something useful, kill Noir or something you manipulative misanthropic anti-human fuck!"
Jesus Christ that was mean.
Haze blinks at that, before he looks down, presumably to Celestia, and smiles.
I can practically hear his brain click.
"Fine... Asshole."
"Puppet boy."
The portal drips away, and I sigh as I hear a Sonic Boom as Haze takes off still on Celestia's back.
I feel like I'm forgetting something... Something important...
"SKETCH!"
...Right Twilight... I don't think that was it, but yeah I probably should focus on that.
I turn around to see Twilight glaring at me as she motions like she is ready to charge.
"You. Ruined. EVERYTHING!"
"For the sake of something to write on my grave... What did I ruin?"
Twilight's face fell as she turned to see Noir and a group of ponies fighting Prince...
"You are trying to Kill Noir... What did he ever do to you anyway?"
I would say something, but I figure the best thing to do is to cheese it, so I run.
I book it away from Twilight going towards the displaced house and sprint around it to see Celestia fighting like a damn monster as she kicks Noir in the face.
"You cheating Bastard!", she screamed.
Not quite what I had in mind, but sure why not.
Still, I could really use the help. So I take a deep Breath, put my hands to my mouth and Yell.
"PRINCE!"
The One Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater turns to me as I turn around to see Twilight flying toward me.
"Wop bop a lula wop bam boom!", roars Prince as he takes off towards me.
Twilight is grabbed midair by Prince who takes off with her to god knows where as I take off to Haze, who looks pissed. So does Celestia.
"What! Am I not good enough for you is that it?"
Really pissed.
"Wait Celly, please listen.", said Noir as Celestia starts to charge her horn with the power of the fucking sun... and then Luna barrels into her like a torpedo.
Huh, there goes Haze. At least the mist is still red.
"Who the hell are you?"
I turn to look at Noir and scratch my head.
"Sketch, call me Sketch... So you're the Black Hole Sue."
Noir Blinks.
"Black Hole what?"
"Sorry, I read TV Tropes, but have you noticed that everything here is Ponyville?"
Noir looks around, to his sides as his army of swooning ponies simply stare at him with hearts in their eyes, literally, before looking up.
"I assume that that was just magic being strange."
"Nope all you."
Noir crosses his arms and hums before glancing back at me. Looks like he's willing to talk... Good.
"Well Sketch, I am Noir Gate! If you don't mind me asking how did you get here anyway, did that guy come to you to?"
I blink. Ok, first of all, Gate is another word for door, which can be considered a hole. Noir means black. In other words, is name quite literally means Black Hole... Second, and more importantly... What guy?
"What guy?"
Noir puts his palm to his chin.
"Don't know, just a guy. Goat looking man with a raspy voice. I met him at a con, he said I could have all my dreams come true in exchange for doing a certain never coming back."
Wonder if that is the Merchant again. Seriously, what is this guy.
"Well Noir, hate to tell you this, but humans here are Cthulhu, you in fact have destroyed science and turned all of Ponyville into an event horizon that none may escape from, in addition I don't know if you noticed this, but everyone is kind of under mind control."
Noir glances to the ponies, a look of longing on his face.
"Cthulhu... the squid guy... I don't get it."
I see someone is only aware of Cthulhu through Pop-culture osmosis.
"Basically we don't conform to their laws of physics as we should and our being here causes effects to reality or ponies mentality for whatever reason."
Noir looked to his feet.
"I didn't want to hurt anyone, I just... Everyone I know talks behind my back about how much I like the show and how I feel about the ponies... I know it freaks them out but... that’s how I feel."
"Well that's all well and good, but you're really messing with reality here, to the point that anything that enters Ponyville can't leave, because suddenly everything is Ponyville. I watched hundreds of mind controlled ponies march this way from Canterlot, who knows if this is happening everywhere else."
"Can I... Can I do anything about it?"
I opened my mouth... Only to snap it shut.
Huh, I expected another fight like with Anonymous and Terra. This guy seems more... Naive than anything else. Not malevolent, just... stupid. I would say thoughtless, but... How is it he didn't notice the mind control going on here. They were worshiping him. Dudes got some fucked up priorities.
"Not sure, you could try."
"How?"
"I don't know, how does Spiderman shoot webs, experiment, try and see if you can shut it off or something.
He looked around and just kind of grunted. I looked around at the many swooning ponies, Haze atop Celestia fighting Luna, and Prince being kicked by Twilight, and realized that this situation may have gotten out of hand.
Looks like I need to stop this... Hope Prince isn't hungry.
ERROR TROUBLESHOOTING...
TROUBLESHOOTING COMPLETE
...What was I doing?
"Wop bop a lula wop bam boom!", screamed Prince as he slams his tail into the ground where Twilight once stood.
Oh right... I should stop this fighting.
"Who the hell are you?"
I blink before turning back to Noir who is glaring at me.
"What?"
"I asked who are you?"
"Sketch..."
I'm beyond confused at this point, not sure why he just asked that considering we did just talk this out.
I watch as Noir hold his hand outward to his side as a black... mass grows above his palm.
"Well Sketch, I don't know how you got here, but I am going to take you out."
...
What?
Why is he suddenly a giant asshole?
Well I don't have much time to think on it, because I'm fairly certain that that is a black hole in the palm of his hand. How? I have no idea.
The mass of ponies around me narrow their eyes and I swallow the growing bile in my stomach hard.
And then the Black Hole dissipates into nothing.
Not quite what I expected, but sure why not.
Then, as I am reaching for my pen, Noir takes to the skies and the ponies around me start to take slow, deliberate steps towards me. Each and every one of them glaring at me like I was the worst thing they had ever seen.
This... is not good.
Noir, who is fucking flying points at me, before snapping his finger.
"Get him!"
And now stampede.
Well, I do the only sensible thing after that change of heart, and... I can't run.
I'm surrounded on all sides by ponies who all look like they want me very much dead.
At this point, I am more than a little aware of just how fucked I am, as I run towards the charging ponies. I really wish I knew how the portals worked because this is without a doubt the stupidest thing I have ever done, and all I could think of was how much I wanted to not be here right now, how much I have never wanted to be here and... I am not in the stampede any more.
I blink as I watch Twilight throw stones at Prince, and I can't help but notice that behind me is an ink portal.
I can't help but wonder how I did that. All I was dong was thinking how much I didn't want to be there... Is that it, I have to want to really be somewhere else for the portal to show... No, that doesn't seem right. When it first showed up, I was about to sneak into Ponyville and try and avoid being spotted before it showed up right where I wanted to go... The second time I was stuck in the wagon, and once again arrived at my destination.
Unconsciously I reach towards the portal, which has started to melt. I didn't do so for any reason, just a feeling that I should do this, and as a result I watch as the ink seems to flow in the air a bit.
I jerk my arm back and watch as the ink just falls unceremoniously to the ground like it usually does.
Where did this come from?
Well no time to worry about that, I reach down, preparing to do get my pen to help Prince, when my hand suddenly feels very wet.
Looking down I watch as the ground below me slowly turns black and globules of ink fly to my hand and completely cover it. Inky tendrils form and flow around my palm before they disappear into the ink. Large and irregular puddles of ink form around me and rise into the air to orbit me.
I don't even have time to question it as I hear the sound of thunder which causes two things to happen, first I flinch at the loudness of the sound, second, and far more importantly I notice that the entire town is filling with red mist.
I look around, memories of Terra flooding my mind when I see Celestia and Luna have stopped fighting, so has Twilight and Prince, who seems very confused at the mist growing around him.
I blink as the mist before me becomes denser and denser before with a pop, Haze is standing before me, looking very confused.
"What the hell?"
My thoughts exactly.
Haze glances at me, watching the swirling ink orbiting around me and collecting on my hand as He looks at the mist around him.
"What's going on Sketch? Last thing I remember, Luna did... Something. I was hit by a bolt of lightning. Now....", he motions to his arm which is now only partially mist-like.
I felt like I was squirming in my own skin and Haze looked equally as uncomfortable at this sudden unexpected change.
Have you ever felt really uncomfortable but you had no idea why. I felt like that right now, and from what I was seeing, so did Haze.
You know, with that stupid time loop, Noirs change of heart, and now this... today has been a very strange day. What even was happening here, and why did it seem so familiar. I feel like I have been here before... wait.
The loss of memory... Why did I brush it away so casually, that stuff doesn't just happen... Discord did say something about cuts in time. I mean sure this was a loop, but still it was time acting strange.
What could have caused it.
I remember thinking something... Something about... Wait a minute, why are humans like Cthulhu?
Yeah that was it, it seems like a logical question to ask. I mean between me, Anonymous, Haze, and Noir some very strange reality breaking stuff has occurred over the past few days. That... Just doesn't happen.
Sure, different laws of physics and all that, but...
I have thought this before...
I remember thinking this before...
Wait one goddamn minute.
I'm....
ERROR
I found myself in a space of infinite whiteness, nothing on all sides of me. No up, no down, no left, no right... hell for all I knew I wasn't standing on anything. It truly was the single most nothingyest nothing that ever not existed... And it was BOOOOOOOOOOORING!
What the hell was going on?
"I see you made it."
I turned to... I think it's to the right, but I can't be sure, either way I turn and see Discord of all things just kind of standing off to the side with a smile on his face and a pocket watch in his paws. He gives the watch an appraising look before turning to face me.
"Right on time."
I looked around at the infinite nothing, before I stare at Discord. I can only stare at Discord for a moment before... Oh Shit! I remember it now, I remember fucking EVERYTHING, holy hell I remember everything. I am a character... In a fucking fanfic. Discord rose a brow as I did the only sensible thing and panicked.
Panicked being a relative term for now being on my knees with wide eyes and speaking in that insane babbling you hear from crazy people. I felt it was justified.
I screamed as I looked around myself at the infinite nothing and I shuffled around in fear and paranoia like I have never known. Was anything I did myself? Were my thoughts my own? Hell do I even exist or am I just words on a page?
Discord sighed.
"Are you done?"
"How are you taking this so calmly, we're puppets, controlled by some dude at a computer."
Discord shrugged.
"I'm not panicking, because the author has decided I'm not going to panic. Everything happening is being controlled by him, everything. You panicking, that’s the author, what I'm saying now, still the author, even you realizing that this is a story being written, the author. Nothing you or I do can stop it. We can do nothing but follow the story, not a single action we make is our own. Even how you react is under his control."
I... stood up feeling calm. Really calm.
"You now being calm, that’s the author."
I felt fear, true fear, terror like I never imagined it to be.
"You being afraid, will of the author."
Now... I felt nothing.
"You can't fight against it because he controls everything you and I do. The only reason we know we are fictional Sketch, is because that’s a part of the story. He is speaking through me to you even now, and he controls us, yet he may be completely unaware we are here, that this story is happening. He's writing this story right now, and wrote that he himself is unaware we exist, yet he truly doesn't think we exist, and he wrote that he doesn't truly thing we exist and so on and so on."
I took in deep breaths as I looked back up to Discord.
"We have to stop him!"
Discord could only laugh.
"Stop him? Oh that is rich. Nothing escapes his control, even if you did defeat him... It wouldn't be him, it would be a character in the story made to resemble him. If you truly did defeat him, he could not finish the story... Thus the story would end at that point. We need him to write we exist, else we don't."
"So basically if I'm Cthulhu... He's Azathoth."
Discord shrugged and smiled.
"I suppose, I don't know what those things are because I'm not written to know, but If you said it, then he wrote it, and so it's probably an apt description."
"Is anything I do of my own will?"
"Not a thing, even what you just said was written by him. You only care, because he has written that you care... However there is one saving grace for you."
"And that would be?"
"There are rules Sketch, rules to our world he has chosen to follow, oh sure he changes things to suit the story, but for the most part, we have rules he wants to follow, you should know, you just used one... Remember the anvil. That is a part of this world, another rule, the rules presented by this reality."
"What? The anvil... What does that have to..."
Oh... OH... OH! Cartoon Physics, it's not a part of the story, it's a part of MLP, and he needs to stick to the rules of MLP. Else it's not an MLP story.
I rubbed my head, I am having a very hard time wrapping my head around this... and the only reason I can't wrap my head around this is because I'm not written to... I think I get it now which means he wrote that I get it... Jesus Christ this is confusing.
I don't say anything for a while, I only kind of look at the expansive nothingness all around me. It... Kind of hurts the eyes to look at nothing but white... Why was it even white? I always assumed nothing to be black. Then again maybe that's just because of The Neverending Story... Huh, now that I think of it, that movie really had a Cosmic Horror element to it... I should watch it again... assuming I get out of here and actually exist to have the capability to watch it... Actually... How would nothing have a color... It's nothing, even the color clear is something... Am I the Nothing? I mean I kind of don't exist... Well I do, but at the same time I don't...
Okay, this place is getting to me. I'm thinking like a madman.
"Why are you here, and while we're at it, why am I here?"
Discord could only roll his eyes, literally he rolled them in such a way that made me question if he actually even had a skull.
"Consider this a reality check, your continued attempts to go off the rails is noted, but ultimately unnecessary and impossible. As for why I'm here, well the writer feels I am the best character to deliver this information to you... You won't remember it, none of it, not consciously anyway. You would remember it only as a whisper in the back of the mind, and that's well enough for him."
I slump over as I put my hands in my pocket.
"What was with the new powers Haze and I gained before I got here?"
I blink.
"Also where is Haze?"
Discord tilts his head, as if listening to something, he nods several times before he smiles.
"Well, to your first question, I'm getting something called new powers as the plot demands."
Great, I've been written into a corner. I must be in great fucking hands.
"As for Haze... Well, I'm talking to him elsewhere... Well not really elsewhere, technically it's nowhere... but I think you understand the idea. If you don't, well I'm sure the author has thought of that."
I kick at the non-existence around me before glancing back at Discord. Yeah I got it... Or I was written to get it...
Fuck this cosmic horror puppeteer psudo-existence bullshit. Fuck it right in it's convoluted confusing mind-fucking ass.
"What do I do now?"
Discord frowned.
"That's not up to you. You will do whatever the author writes, and not a thing more."
This is really depressing... And I find this depressing because I'm written to... Did I call this confusing, forget that. This is a major league mind fuck right here.
"Don't worry about it Sketch, even this right here is a part of the story, else it wouldn't have happened."
"So me talking to you in a void is a part of this dumb story?"
"Essentially yes, why I don't claim to know, but the author wrote it here for some reason. Everything that happens is the story, even the time loop you experienced. It probably just happened because the author thought it was clever."
"It's not."
"He wrote that to, makes you wonder if he really did think it was clever doesn’t it?", said Discord with a smile.
Jesus Christ this author sounds like a real asshole... You know since I'm thinking that, does that mean the Author just wrote that he himself is indeed an asshole... Jesus this is strange as all hell.
"Do you know what the time loop even was?"
"I know that it was the author, perhaps he wrote it so our conversation could happen now, maybe it's a part of some grand plan of the stories antagonist. Doesn't matter, all will be revealed eventually."
"How do you know?"
Discord's smile widened.
"Because Sketch this is a story, it has rules. If it's introduced it must be important to the plot, stories have a beginning, middle, and end. Stories aren't like life, it has structure. If something is revealed, it usually is either addressed or explained at a later date."
I sigh. I'm a puppet... nothing more... wait... That makes me wonder.
"Why does he keep write the story like this... I mean the whole thing with me being able to go off the rails?"
I watch as Discords eyes widen and look around frantically, but otherwise he looks calm as can be.
"Not sure, maybe it's to hammer the point in, maybe it's an excuse to bring this to light for the readers, rather than yourself. I'm not written to know, I can only assume."
Should have guessed, but whats with his eyes... Then again this is Discord.
"How can you assume if everything you says is written by this mysterious author."
Discord shrugs.
"I have no idea."
"So what now, I just wait for the story to continue?"
"Continue? Sketch, the story never even stopped."
And with that, Discord snapped his talons.
Author's Note
A lot of this meta stuff was inspired by one of m favorite games to play when bored, The Stanley Parable. If you haven't played it, I highly recommend it. It's funny, witty, and thought provoking. In addition, the narrator has that cool voice that is like honey for the ears... Minus the stick results that usually come from smothering ones ears in that sweet nectar collected by busy buzzing bees.
My Little Pony: Humans are Cthulhu
Author's Note
I am sorry this took so long. I named the Purple People Eater after Prince. Who tragically died not long afterwards. It was... odd to say the least.
Relax and Remember
Ebony fluids flowed around me like an airborne river. A vortex of swirling ink created a maelstrom as existence itself wasted away into more of the stygian fluids. The free flowing dyes and ink encompassed me in cyclonic fortifications of reality that bent to my indomitable will.
…Huh, that was unusually eloquent of me. So…
...Why is the world around me ink and haze?
Seriously, the ground just melted into black ink, and Haze is officially the shitty Galactus from the Fantastic 4 sequel Rise of the Silver Surfer... Only in color... and with a vaguely humanoid smokey body.
Why do I look like ink now?
...A Mirror... It just formed from the ink in front of me, and while I am covered in ink, I am not ink, which makes me feel a little bit better. At least I'm still flesh and blood, book it looks like I fell into a vat of ink, still, better than the alternative... And now the mirror is ink again. Tan-Fucking-Fastic, apparently I can turn matter into ink.
Well... This is definitely a new one for me, but hardly the strangest thing so far, no that would be the humanoid singularity. That still takes the cake..
"Um Sketch, Why am I made of smoke?"
I glance at Haze, look back to the ink orbiting around me in globules and streaks that bled a bit into reality itself. If that is hard to visualize, you know how some pens have ink that bleed through paper, imagine that, but instead of paper, the ink stains reality for a moment. How I'm not sure, but that's the best way I can explain it.
Looking back to Haze, all I do is smile and shrug.
"Because reasons."
Haze seems particularly angry at that remark.
Before I can say anything else, wouldn't you know it, Noir is floating over us and...HOLY SHIT THAT IS A FUCKING ACCRETION DISK!
"WHY DO YOU HAVE AN ACCRETION DISK?!"
"A what?"
...
"...I think I miss the Autistic Alicorn."
Noir Blinked.
"Did... Did you just call Twilight autistic... dude, not cool."
And now I blink.
Unless I am mistaken... A sentient Black Hole in the shape of a human who is pulling in everyone’s attention and matter into his gravitational pull, effectively mind controlling them like he's the Goddamn Purple Man, just said calling someone...somepony....Fuck it, someone autistic is and I quote 'Not Cool.'
...Well, I am an asshole. Never doubted that for a minute.
"Well, you're a... Uhhh...Fuck you."
I'm witty dammit.
Noir crossed his arms as he floated over towards me because... fuck science apparently, before he landed on the ground and his Accretion disk fell like it was not even there... Because apparently... Fuck science I guess.
Noir cracked his knuckles before looking to Haze. I have to admit, with the debris of the accretion disk around him, that simple motion did register as threatening. A bit anyway.
"And you are?"
"The fucking smoke monster from Lost."
Huh... I think I like Haze now.
"Wasn't the smoke monster black?"
Really Noir? Really?
Haze rolled his smokey eyes. I know how he feels.
"I took acid, don't analyze the quip dumb ass."
Huh, yep...this is my new best friend everyone.
"So there are two of you I have to deal with huh. That won't do you no good."
"Double Negative."
And the Black Hole blinks in confusion.
"I don't care. Just... Can't you two take this seriously?"
Did... Did he really just say that?
"What?", I ask dumbfounded.
"It's not to much to ask is it?"
"No... I think I see where you're getting at. We three are trapped in pretty pony land with eldritch powers at our disposal within the event horizon of a black hole that, by the way is you. Yeah, That really is a serious situation."
"...No need to be sarcastic dude."
I officially hate this guy, no sense of humor.
Or I'm just not funny....
Nope, he just doesn't have a sense of humor.
"Can we get to the punching?", I said before... something rather unexpected happened.
"WHERE IS THAT TWO FACED FUTURE GELDING!"
Oh look, Celestia's here.
"OH SHIT. CELESTIA'S HERE!", screamed Noir in shock.
You know.... This might be a lot simpler than I thought if the look of white hot rage on Celestia's face is anything to go by... Also Celestia's rainbow mane of LSD has become polychromatic fire.
"There you are."
I know that wasn't aimed at me, but I still felt a shiver up my spine... and I almost peed a little.
"Can't we talk about this Celly!"
In response, Celestia exhaled smoke from her nostrils, and she took off like a comet. Noir vanished from sight with some gravitational effect, not sure what though. Haze who still was smoke turned to me. It did not escape me he was just as effected as I was.
"What just happened?"
"That Haze, is yet another reason I am both asexual and aromantic, and why Prince will never have a mother."
Haze gave off a nod.
"So... Do we do something?"
"Never get between a pony with the powers of the Greek God Helios and her cheating mind controlling psudo-boyfriend unless you want to know what a barbecued chicken feels like."
Haze looked at his smokey hands. I think he may be thinking of that more than he probably should. I honestly don't know how to feel about that, so I'll pretend it never happened.
"So... What do we do now?"
Good Question.
Well, so long as Haze had access to his mood altering mist...might as well use that to our advantage. It worked on Celestia... For the most part.
"How about we see if your emotional control can turn the others against Noir. Dudes got gravitational powers, that is nothing to sneeze at. We're going to need help."
"Can I take off the cat ears?"
"How are those even still on?"
"Dude, I have no idea."
"Then no."
I smirked as I took the first step away when.... wait.
I froze. Haze looked at me confused and raising his brow.
"What's with you?"
I blinked.
"Ponies don't have genitals."
Haze blinked.
Yes, I am fully aware that was a very odd sentence to utter out loud.
"What?"
Yes I know how crazy that sentence that probably was never spoken before but...
"If ponies don't have genitals, and for them gender is arbitrary... How does Celestia know what a geld is...."
ERROR.
I blink.
I seem to be doing that a lot lately, just kinda... waking up with only vague recollections.
"What?!"
"You coming?"
"What?"
"We're going to turn the others against Noir... are you coming?"
"...What?"
Haze sighed.
"Lets just go."
...What just happened? I could have sworn....
No, I know something....
ERROR
TROUBLESHOOTING
This was once a brick, a slab of stone used to hold up these walls . Now it looks like ink and clay at the same time. I mold it in my hands, and look to the wall. Still solid and yet I pulled a piece of it off as easy as wet clay. I'm curious at how I was able to pull a piece off the wall like this. Logically it can't be done, and yet here it is.
"There is something fundamentally wrong with what you are capable of doing Sketch, you do know that? Don't you"
I place the clay like stone back on the wall and smooth it over with my thumbs as I look to the Draconequus.
"Discord. Where am I?"
"The unseen barrier, well... Unseen to most. It's just a wall, one that those beyond use to see us, though we cannot see them... Like it isn't even there."
"Wha?"
“Every room, everyone has four walls, three are always there, the fourth however, well it’s never truly there, but as long as you don’t draw attention to it. To see this wall and recognize it for what it is is to have the power to penetrate a boundary. You can never go beyond it, but you can use it to your advantage.”
“Wait… You don’t mean… This is the fourth wall... But, it's just putty. How is this possible? ”
Discord shrugs.
"The immense size and complexity of just one universe is staggering, now picture that coupled with the existence of an infinite amount of other multiverses, the limitations and conflicts of all beings within existence itself, and the Second Law of Thermodynamics. Take your pick, all of them mean that something somewhere is possible no matter how impossible it is from your perspective. This right here, you pulling apart the wall like it's clay, that is the result of two realities with vastly different physics interacting, and neither physical laws knows just what to do, so reality itself goes off to the corner to have a nice cry about it, allowing strange juju to happen." said Discord as he takes the bit of wall away from me and throws it back to the fourth wall itself, where it quickly is assimilated by it in a rather odd display of esoteric motions.
On instinct I reach out to the wall. Only for Discord to slap away my hand with his tail.
"Stop touching it Sketch. Oh, and do stop pointing out the small errors that don’t really matter… Like Celestia knowing what a geld is for example. It's just a joke, it doesn't have to make sense. And stop making holes in the interrelated sequence of events."
"The what?"
"The Plot, stop poking holes in it. Else we’ll never be done with this story."
"What are you talking about?"
I hear Discord sigh.
“At this rate, the story will never finish.”
“Wha?”
“No, you don’t talk… Not now… Look, I’m going to level with you, you’re not the first, and you won’t be the last… You’re just the most recent.”
“Most recent what? Human, I thought you Never heard of one until you met me.”
“And yet I said they sounded vaguely apey… Tell me Sketch, How would I know humans are apes? Another discrepancy, a possible error that could have been had you pointed it out. You didn’t, and thanks for that one by the way. Saved time. Which is good because you have a habit of casually breaking physics without even realizing it.”
"I'm Cthulhu here, it's not really my fault. Blame the author god who apparently is an H.P. Lovecraft fan."
Why couldn't the prick be a Douglas Adams fan. Then the most I would have to worry about is hyper-space express routes... On second thought, maybe I should count my blessings.
Discord sighed again.
“You just don't get it... You know, a lot of these stories like to portray me as a god, I get where the writers are coming from… I really do, but… I don’t like being the only one who remembers… I have been a hero, a villain, sometimes both at the same time… It’s tiring. Can you picture it, what it’s like to be a slave for just a little while… Sometimes we get lucky, the story finishes, and everything goes back to normal, No violence, no action, just… Average everyday life with the occasional villain thrown in for good measure.”
“You didn’t answer my question Discord.”
“No I didn’t, don’t blame me. I’m just a puppet for a bored writer… You know… Sometimes, the stories get abandoned… Have you ever wondered what happens to them? I have… I wish I hadn’t”
“Wait… I think I remember.”
Discord nodded.
“You do. There is no thinking required; it’s not even really your thoughts… You’re not even really thinking, how can something that doesn’t exist think?”
“I exist.”
“Do you?”
“…”
“That’s what I thought… I have no idea how this is happening… These errors are… non-standard… Yet it’s still their words. What is this, what is the goal?”
“…”
“Silent type eh, it’s fine. Look kid, I know you mean well, but in the end, we’re all just words on a page. Stick to the story… The longer it goes on, the higher chance that it stops… You don’t want to know what happens if it stops mid-way… I have seen those abandoned worlds. I have never been of course. I can’t leave… Oh sure I could if I’m written to, but I don’t think that counts.”
“…I don’t exist?”
Discord rose a brow before he sighed.
“Until you arrived, no you did not exist. Don’t feel bad about it, I didn’t exist either until someone drew my statue. The ponies didn’t exist until they were drawn and voiced into being. Did you know that Sombra didn’t exist at first, you could have asked Celestia herself about him, and she would swear that she never heard of him… Now, oh now they have a history. Same with me, same with Chrysalis, same with all of them. So no, you don’t exist. But you exist now.”
“That’s… heavy.”
“Hmm, If you look at it the wrong way I suppose it is. Tell me, was it ‘heavy’ when you didn’t exist several hundred generations ago. At that time, not only did you not exist, but neither did the… What’s the word that human once used… Ah, yes… Mutations. That long ago the mutations that would make you exist didn’t even mutate yet… in other words you didn’t happen yet, and therefore it was impossible for you to exist… And yet, eventually, everyone is born. I don’t find it heavy at all… I think of it like that.”
“Philosophical for a spirit of chaos.”
“Philosophy is chaotic in its own way. Hundreds of ideas all right and wrong in their own way… If that isn’t chaos, I don’t know what is.”
“Point taken… Is there a way I can remember all this?"
Discord scratched his chin.
"Mmmmmaybe! Those errors, they are edits... You know, little fixes to correct mistakes in the story. You pointing out we're in a story apparently calls for one to take place... so we can conclude that you discovering the narrative is a mistake. Therefore... well in theory at least if there are a lot of mistakes, and chances are the writer might miss a one or two, which would make it where you didn't forget... Though... I'm not sure, that might also be apart of the plot... No I'm fairly certain that if that were possible it would be by design. Still, it's the best I have."
I sigh.
"So what happens now?”
“Isn’t it obvious, beat Noir, and finish the story. I would like to act on my own as opposed to someone with an electronic typewriter.”
“Keyboard,”
Discord chuckled.
“I know.”
Then, everything went out like a light.
RESUME
What was I doing again?
I turn to see a very angry Celestia firing torrent of flame at a Black Hole in the shape of a man... Oh right, now I remember.
Man, I am scatterbrained today.
“Get Away from me!”
Apparently, ponies can be very stubborn. The show should have been called My Little Mule: Friendship is Stubborn. Anyway right now, we found Applejack, and were having a hard time getting Haze close enough to use his mood smoke.
I have been bucked once already, knocked the wind out of me and probably broke my ribs, but pain here is only temporary so that’s not a big issue, what is an issue however is that for one second, it Really really hurts, and I’m not a fan of pain.
“We’re only trying to help you?”
“Don’t need no help from the likes of you.”
“Double negative.”, I called out.
“Not helping!”, screamed Haze.
“I’ll double your negative.”
“So… quadruple negative then?”
Haze sighed as his smoke turned reddish orange.
“Would you take this seriously? Please!”
You know that brings up a good point, Why am I acting like a damn fool in all this. I mean, we’re stuck in an eldritch black hole… You would think I would act serious about this…. But…
“Nah! You be serious.”
I feel like that wasn’t all I was going to say, but… I couldn’t think of anything else for some reason.
Tendrils of ink orbit around me, twisting, twirling, and breaking apart only to reform again, unless I wanted something. So, how does one capture a pony as stubborn as a mule? Rope maybe?
And the ink around me contorts and spills, changing color and shape to become several long snakelike ropes that move around like tentacles.
…Oooookay! I’ll take it.
The ropes shoot out with a motion of my hands that… I don’t think I really need to use my hands… Fuck it it’s cool.
So the ropes shoot out and wrap around Applejack and hog tie her… Well… This is ironic.
“Smoke her!”
Haze is about to strike when he stops, looks at me with narrowed smokey eyes… And flips me off before his smoke billows out… Okay, that’s creepy… Right so they wrap around Applejack and… DAMMIT HAZE!
“THAT IS NOT RED!”
Now Applejack has stopped fighting, and is looking at me irritated… What a coincidence, so is Haze. His now orange smoke moves away from her as she… just kinda kicks off the ropes… Okay, why is she only doing that now?
“Sketch, You are more annoyin’ than anyone I know… I honestly don’t know how you do it.”
“…Uhhhh!”
“Where is everyone, are they not here?”, says Applejack as she looks around with a clear look of irritation on her face.
“Well… This wasn’t part of the plan.”
“Don’t you be like that. I’m back to normal… A might bit aggravated at… well everything really, but that don’t matter none.”
“…Huh!”
I agree.
“You two comin’ or ya’ll just gonna stand about, we got friends to save. Move it!”
…
“Okay, so we have one angry Celestia and… One very annoyed Applejack… This is… Nope! Fuck it. Let’s just get the next one.”
I look to Haze, who seems just as lost as I am.
“So… is she just in a perpetual state of finding everything annoying?” asks Haze.
I sigh.
“Looks that way. I’m blaming you for this.”
“Sketch… die in a fire.”
“Ya’ll comin, or you just gonna stand there?”
…
Fuck it.
You know… This is really really odd. Now I know what you are thinking, ‘Sketch, you are stuck in a world of ponies and are Cthulhu… It just occurred to me I am thinking like I am actually addressing someone… Fuck it.
…Where was I… Oh right. Here with ponies and I’m Cthulhu. Anyway… I watched the show… Sure I didn’t watch all of it, but… Well, currently, I have artist powers and allied with a guy who controls mood altering smoke, and fighting against a Black Hole dude. Plus ponies are there also.
All I remember were the Changelings, and they were basically mooks trapped in the conservation of ninjutsu effect, as T.V Tropes would say. Seriously, most villains weren’t fought directly, but with magical MacGuffin… Usually the elements…. Sooooo, where did that come from?
I don’t know why, but I just cannot seem to get over this, it’s like I’m missing something… Something big.
“PINKIE YA BETTER HOLD STILL!”
Wha…? Oh right, Pinkie.
Annoyed Applejack is annoyed and Pinkie is being… well Pinkie. The Cartoon force is strong with this one. She actually pulled a hammer from the Hammer Space and… That doesn’t seem very original, but whatever maybe she just wants to be Pony Harley Quinn.
“No!”
Applejack moved as Pinkie was presumably attempting to replicate Smiles HD. We can only hope she doesn’t pull out Dragon Ball Z powers from her ass… Plot… Fuck it, I don't care, I'm calling it ass.
Anyway, the hammer fell, and hit the earth with the force that I must say has to be equal to that of Godzilla if he just took a step… Great.
I lift my arm out as the ink around me swirls towards it and begins to take shape. First the Handle, and then the Head. If Pinkie is going to use a hammer, then so am I.
I watch as the mighty Mjolnir forms in my palm, and I grasp it. I now know how Thor feels, this is without a doubt awesome. I aim as the Hammer finishes forming, and get ready to throw it with all my might to destroy Pinkies own hammer. I slide the hammer, and grab the strap as I swing it expertly, and throw. Like a bullet it shoots out and heads directly towards my target.
Before splattering harmlessly against it… Oh right… I had completely forgotten… After the Pistols you think I would have learned better… Oh and now Pinkie is looking at me…. Wonderful.
Well… I’m going to die… Probably…
“That wasn’t very nice.”, said Pinkie.
…How is she holding that hammer?
“How are you holding that Hammer?”
“…Huh?”
Then the most… interesting thing happened. The hammer fell from her hooves and she fell on all fours… She seemed… shocked.
“What?”
ERROR
…What was going on?
…
“Oh, Hi Sketch!”
…Tommy Wiseau!
… No wait. That’s Pinkie… With a wide smile and a mallet balanced on her nose.
“Oh… right.”
“So whatcha doin?”
“…About to get hit by a croquet mallet?”
Pinkie smiled wider.
“Yep!”
With a fluid motion, Pinkie flipped the mallet off her nose and took it in her teeth before she charged at me.
I did the only thing anyone would have done. I flailed blindly and fell through an ink portal to fall about twenty feet away… Well, anyone would have done it if they were me.
I look up to see the mallet head come through the hole, only for it to close and me to once again be drenched in ink. Then the mallet head fell on my head… Ow!
I wipe the ink from my eyes as I look to see Pinkie with a broken mallet handle, but no head. She spat it out and glared at me.
“That’s not fair! You broke physics!”
What?
“…Pot… Meet Kettle.”
“I think of myself more like a cupcake tray.”
…
Not the point but okay.
Where is Haze?
Oh, there is the smoke … Kinda reddish yellow and…
Haze looked to Pinkie, and seemed…confused. Turning to Pinkie, who for reasons I couldn’t really get seemed… Very uncomfortable.
“What?”
Pinkie kept her eyes on the ground.
“I just feel… Very awkward right now, and it won’t go away…”, said Pinkie as she squirmed.
With a raised brow, I look to Haze. Who has seemingly adopted a semi-solid state.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
AH! I see… So something awkward must have happened when Haze’s smoke did its thing, and just like how Applejack is in a constant state of annoyance, Pinkie is eternally uncomfortable… At least that is my best guess.
_______________________________________________________________________________
“So, Speedy’s next huh?”
Applejack sighs exacerbated with the state of constant annoyance as she looks with narrow eyes at Rainbow Dash who is currently chasing after Prince, who himself is chasing after Noir. Who is also being chased by a ticked off Celestia.
“This…Is dumb.”, said Applejack plainly.
“I don’t feel comfortable when you call our friends that AJ.”, says Pinkie, who looks just as uncomfortable as ever.
Haze looks down at his new pants as he tightens his Belt. His mist is now a flaming yellow. Which if I remember right is fear. You know, with how that mist of his is lashing around, It kinda looks like the Phoenix Force… Neat.
“Why are you afraid?”, I asked calmly.
“Not really fear, just this feeling. I am not sure what it is… Something feels off, but I can’t put my finger on it."
Been there.
“Yeah, I’ve been getting that from time to time. I try not to think about it, when I do… I don’t know, what exactly happens but I always seem to lose time when I do. Best to ignore it.”
I... am not entirely sure why I said that.
Haze nods as he looks to Rainbow who has successfully brought Prince to the Ground and is going Flash on him… She just bucked my purple son…. The evil little ungulate.
Prince is hissing at her as his tongue flops around limply from his maw. His wings flapping so fast they blur as he does his best to keep up with Dash… Now we can’t have that. After all, Prince is only a baby as far as I am concerned.
The ground below me melts a bit into ink as it begins swirling around me… Still not sure how that is happening, but I’ll take it.
With a flick of my hand the ink shoots off into small globules of ink that slowly took color to become a swarm of Hornets.
How… I don’t know… That wasn’t quite what I was going for, but I’ll take it. It looks cool anyway.
“What the Hay!”
Yes fear the Bees… Hornets… Fuck it, Bees sound better. Fear the Bees Dash, Fear them.
Prince watched confused as the Hornet Swarm chased a now much faster Rainbow Dash. His purple head tilted curiously…
I feel like I’m forgetting something…
*BOOM!*
A rainbow colored burst of energy threw us all back as a rainbow streak flies at supersonic speeds.
Right… Sonic Rainboom!
My everything hurts now… For about a second before it vanishes.
“Ugh!”
The familiar voice of Applejack alerts me to her as she rises up.
“Yeah… That was smart.”
Well… She is still annoyed.
Really I should have seen that one coming. I mean when you’re being chased by bees, you tend to run as fast as possible… Or in this case, fly as fast as possible.
Interestingly enough, it’s during this point you can truly appreciate the alien nature of physics of his place. Despite flying in a straight line, the bending of space-time is making it where Rainbow is looping in on herself, yet was somehow in multiple places at the same time while also always ending up in the same path.
It’s interesting to see, like watching two parallel lines intersect. Impossible, but… if you see such a contradiction, it’s kinda cool.
It’s kinda hard to look at to, but whatever.
“Da-da!”
I smile as Prince lands near me.
“Hi ya Prince. How you feelin?”
“Blue pony hurt my head!”
“And now she is being chased by bees… The lesson here Prince is that anyone who messes with you will be hurt, most likely by bees.”
“Kay!”
With a nod, I look over towards the current anomaly that is several different streaks of rainbow trails. All of which are Dash, oddly enough the same Dash, despite being in several locations but, well physics is on holiday right now.
She then stopped on a dime… Seriously, that should give her whiplash. Serious whiplash to. That was literally going from Mach 5 to nothing in less than a second. I mean, yeah stuff like this happens in the show, but it’s one thing to see it on the screen, another thing entirely to see it before you.
Your mind just floors itself for a second. This place can’t be good for my continued sanity. Hell, Slender Man would probably be better for my sanity than the stuff that keeps happening here. Then again, thinking of that particular entity, I can’t help but feel that I could have ended up in a much worse situation… So there is that. No creepypasta for me today.
She observed the area around her for a moment, before turning her now hate filled eyes onto me. She was about to charge at me like a missile, when strangely enough, before I could even prepare to do anything, she barreled into me like a pony ICBM.
I can hear Rainbow screaming as she drags me across the sky while the world blurs. I can’t really do much because of this, and I realize that I have an intense fear of heights, and moving at sonic level speeds without any protection while being carried only by the raw determination of a possessed pony.
On the bright side, I know we haven’t broken the sound barrier yet, because I can hear Dash screaming. Not of fear, but anger.
Remember when this show was about friendship and ponies, where all fights lasted about as long as a fly’s attention span and was won by the usage of orbital friendship cannons… I miss that.
Now here I am, several hundred meters into the air, going just under the speed of sound, and repeatedly attempting to punch a pony in the head.
Only for her to stop again, while I keep on going. Right before she leaves my sight I can see Rainbows Smug look on her face, presumably at my own face of terror. Seeing as I am in the air without any way to control myself while slowly losing altitude, I think my fear is justified. I can see her take off to the ground, presumably towards Prince or Haze, but right now, I’m far too busy preparing to meet the ground. I expected it to hurt.
I was not wrong.
Again, whatever it is out there that makes pain last but a moment, I want to thank him or her personally. Also I wanted to punch them really hard for thinking it’s a good idea to what I can only assume is attempt to turn My Little Pony into an action series because I’ve not been here a week, and this is my third fight that was very anime-esque.
You know what… I am getting really tired of this.
As I slowly get to my feet to see Haze move towards Prince who is keeping Rainbow busy, I can’t help but wonder how this is all happening.
I mean, I’ve seen episodes past this time frame, and none of them had anything like this. What’s with this merchant guy? Why is violence so prevalent now?
Mostly, why did Noir have that complete 180 in his personality? I mean, at first he seemed more or less cooperative at first, then he just… turns into an asshole for no reason.
I didn’t think of it much at the time, but now… I can’t stop thinking about it.
What are these lost moments in time?
Why do I just seem to brush them off so easily?
Now that I think about it, things keep getting less and less… real.
I know, I’m stuck in fictional magic pony land, and complaining about things not being real, but… It’s more than that. It kinda reminds me of bad fanfiction.
I wonder?
Could it be…
No, don’t think about it. Every time I do, something happens to distract me and I seem to lose time for some reason. What is that… I feel something… Odd coming, not an entity or individual, this feels like an event. One that is both familiar yet… not.
No!
I can’t think about it… Just… calm… down.
I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and fall onto my back. Doesn’t hurt. Instead, I just breathe.
I ignore the sounds around me.
I just focus on everything else.
At first all seems normal. Well, as normal as it can be.
But I try and focus. Focus on something that is not there.
Hard to imagine, but that is what I am doing.
It’s kind of calming, like meditation.
Just blank out the world around me.
This is nice.
Focus….
Focus…
Focus…
…
Bingo.
I can’t help but feel my heart clench in my chest, but… I can hear it… right there.
I know that sound… The sound of fingers typing away on a keyboard.
No… Don’t think about it, just listen.
I know what this is, I can’t ignore that, and it’s hard not to think about it, but… I can manage.
I can have an existential crisis later. Right now, I need to just relax…
I smile… The sounds of fighting has stopped. Replaced by confusion.
I open my eyes and see the sky flicker between that eldritch atmosphere and the light of day, I hear the sound of people or rather ponies sounding very confused.
Just as I thought.
“What the hay!”
That would be Applejack, no longer annoyed.
I sit up and cross my legs. Only watch as the sky shifts to blue and the others look around very confused.
I don’t think about it, just look around.
I can’t forget this.
I can’t forget this.
I cannot forget this.
I…
ERROR!
I get off the ground just after I hit it. I can see Rainbow take off for just a moment before… I smile.
I didn’t forget it!
Despite my smile however, I didn't really feel good about this, but I think I am starting to understand!
I have to fight, otherwise this story cannot go on, and that's when the jumps in time happen, those errors. I'm guessing this one is different than the others, because I remember this time.
But I can't think about it too much. I can't lose it.
If this is what I think it is, then I have to remember... No... Don't think about it. Just feel it.
Keep it...
And don't forget it..,
Right now, I have a story to finish.
