As our group reassembled, I was in the middle of coming down from a laughing fit. Why? Throughout the break, Discord had told me several stories of when he had played CAH while visiting earth. I told him a few of my own crazy stories of playing this game, but his were far funnier than I could have ever imagined.

Pretty soon, I felt that we were all ready to start round 2, so I got things underway by picking up the next black card. "Dear leader Kim Jong-un," I began, "Our village praises your infinite wisdom with a humble offering of _____."

"Dear who?" Rainbow asked.

"His name's not important," I replied, "Just think of him as Sombra, Chrysalis, and Tirek combined."

This made the pegasus' eyes go wide. "Uhhh...message received," she replied, slowly turning her head back toward her cards. I could see that she may have just freaked out on the inside.

"I think this card right here will be quite victorious," Discord said, his face sporting an evil grin as he handed me his card.

"Oh, I beg to differ, Discord," Celestia replied, giving him an equal expression as her card floated over to me.

"This 'oughta be interesting..." I thought to myself as the last white cards were handed to me. "Okay," I continued, "Dear leader Kim Jong-un, our village praises your infinite wisdom with a humble offering of...pfffft...HAHAHAHA!! A snapping turtle biting the tip of your penis!"

This drew laughs from every single one of us, and was probably the first time all game where I didn't see Luna hiding her laughs behind her forehooves. "HA!" Rainbow exclaimed, "That 'oughta show him! ...Well, whoever he is..."

"Our village praises your infinite wisdom with a humble offering of flightless birds. Meh, that's more of a benefit that few countries are considering giving to him. A humble offering of anal fissures like you wouldn't believe! There we go! A humble offering of all 31 flavors. Maybe. Let's see...homeless people. Nah, there's already too many of those. Aaaaaaannndd...pretending to care. That's a little better, but I gotta go with the snapping turtle."

"Yes!" Discord proudly interjected.

"Well played, Discord," I said to the draconequus as I handed him his Awesome Point.

"Well played, indeed," Luna added, "I, for one, would definitely enjoy seeing a villain such as King Sombra or Tirek get their...area munched on by something as crazy as a snapping turtle." I laughed internally at what I had just heard from the midnight blue alicorn. I still couldn't believe that in real life, she had that certain side to her.

"Hmmm..." Rainbow said as she looked at the next black card, "During high school, I never really fit in until I found _____ club."

"This club," I replied with determination as I passed her my card.

"Nope! This club!" Twilight responded as she gave her card to the pegasus.

"Oh, please," Discord jumped in, "I already know that your cards will pale in comparison to mine."

"Did...did you look at our cards or something?" I asked.

"No!" he immediately replied, "Why in Equestria would I cheat at a game I love so much?"

We all paused for several seconds. "Good point..." I eventually said.

"I'm just throwing this one away," Luna said as she floated her card over to Dash.

"Alright, let's see what we got," Rainbow said as she received Luna's card, "During high school, I never really fit in until I found...uhhh...shitting all over the floor like a bad, bad girl club." I wanted to cringe, but the way the end of the card was written made me laugh a little. "I never really fit in until I found taking a shit in front of the police station club. Ugh! Come on, guys! Seriously? I never really fit in until I found fucking a corpse back to life club. Ha! That's better! I never really fit in until I found the miracle of childbirth club!? Aw, come on!" Twilight, Luna, Cadance, and I all laughed at that. "I never really fit in until I found bouncing up and down club. Too simple. I never really fit in until I found girls that always be textin' club. Nah. The corpse card was pretty good, but I'm gonna go with the miracle of childbirth."

"Sweet!" I said as I snatched the black card from in front of the pegasus.

"Oh, come on!" Discord exclaimed, "How does fucking a corpse back to life not work!?"

"Meh, I don't know," Rainbow casually replied as Twilight took the next black card.

"White people like _____," she said, holding the card in her purple aura. I groaned internally upon hearing her read that card. Why? It wasn't a real popular one around my friends and I. We could never really figure out what to play. Part of me wished it had never been made.

"Mine's a throwaway," I said, sliding my card over to Twilight.

"Same here," Rainbow said as she mimicked my actions.

"Mine is, as well," said Celestia as she floated hers over to her former student.

"Well then," Twilight replied as Cadance, Discord, and Luna gave her their cards simultaneously, "Let's see what they are. White people like a bucket of fish heads. Ummm...okay? White people like the tiger that killed my father." Right after she read that card, Twilight seemed to just not care about what everything else was. "Concealing a boner, cool, relatable cancer teens, a giant powdery manbaby, and sugar madness. Hmmm...some of these worked, but none are really striking me as favorable outsiders." She then paused for a few seconds, presumably to decide the winner. "Who had a bucket of fish heads?"

"I did!" Cadance replied, happily. I found it rather odd that in these first two rounds, she won a card immediately prior to becoming the Card Czar. It didn't really matter though, as seeing her, Luna, Celestia, and Discord playing this game was what I was looking forward to more.

The Princess of Love took the next black card in her magic. Little did I know there was an all-too-obvious answer to her next question. "How did I lose my virginity?" Cadance asked.

At that moment, Discord, Rainbow, Luna, Celestia, and I looked toward Twilight, whom Cadance looked toward, as well. The purple pony blushed in embarrassment and folded her ears down, all while retaining a smile on her face while her eyes looked downward. This made the rest of us giggle audibly.

After that, we casually made our choices and gave them to Cadance, who began reading them almost immediately. "Alright," she continued, "How did I lose my virginity? Sperm whales."

"Pfffft...HAHAHAHAHA!!!" Rainbow laughed, this time actually falling out of her seat as the rest of us let out laughs of our own.

"An Oedipus complex," Cadance continued, "Anyone know what that is?"

"I think it has something to do with incest," I told her.

"Oh!" she replied, giggling lightly, "Well then! Okay, what's next? Warm, velvety Muppet sex." This caused both Discord and I to burst out in yet another fit of giggles. That card was one of the most popular throughout the game, and it was being played at the perfect time. "Uhhh...Jeff Goldblum? Who's that?"

"Oh, he's a hilarious comedian," Discord said before turning to face me, "Wouldn't you agree?"

"I've heard of him, but I'm not really familiar with any of his work," I replied.

"Oh, you poor, poor man, you..." the draconequus finished, giving me a sarcastically saddened expression.

"Anyway," Cadance continued, "Mom's new boyfriend?? Ha! Nice! And it looks like...scrotum tickling is last. Nope. Most of these were pretty funny, but I think I'll pick mom's new boyfriend, just for the heck of it."

"I'll take that card, thank you very much," Celestia said, lighting up her horn to bring the card over to her stack of Awesome Points.

Soon, Luna had the next black card in front of her. "In his farewell address," she began, "George Washington famously warned Americans about the dangers of _____."

"This," I immediately said, passing my card across the circular table.

"Oh?" Luna replied, "Getting surprisingly confident now, aren't we?"

Before I could reply, Rainbow Dash said, "Mine's a throwaway."

"Mine, too," Twilight said as she and the pegasus passed their cards in.

"Same here," said Cadance, doing the same as the other two.

Once they were finished speaking, I turned back to Luna, a sly grin on my face as I said, "Don't you think I have a good reason to be?" As I finished my question, I casually gestured my hand toward the three mares sitting between me and the Princess of the Night. Luna only gave a few silent giggles in reply.

"Okay, let's go," she said subsequently, realizing that Celestia and Discord had played their cards, "In his farewell address, George Washington famously warned Americans about the dangers of not believing in giraffes."

"You know," Discord began, "If dear old Fluttershy were here, she'd probably pick that card as an instant winner. I mean, who doesn't believe in giraffes!?"

"That sounds like a plausible possibility," Luna replied, "Anyway, George Washington famously warned Americans about the dangers of figgy pudding. I believe it's safe to assume that this is one of the throwaways. George Washington famously warned Americans about the dangers of praying the gay away. Hmmm... George Washington famously warned Americans about the dangers of a team of lawyers. I could definitely see that working. The dangers of Lady Gaga."

"Hahaha!" Discord exclaimed, "That's wonderful!"

"Who is this Lady Gaga this card speaks of?"

"She's a famous singer where I come from," I replied, "She, at one point, wore a dress made entirely out of...well, stuff that you don't eat here in Equestria."

"Oh, come on! You can say it!" Discord said.

"Fine," I replied, "She wore a dress made entirely of meat."

This made the five mares in the room remain silent for a little while. Luna soon broke the silence as she said, "Well, then...The dangers of puberty. Hmmm...Well, I'll admit this Lady Gaga - whoever she is - was a strong contender, but I must say, being on the moon for 1,000 years has not made me forget the difficulties of earlier life. I'm selecting puberty."

"That's me!" Discord announced in a slightly high-pitched tone. I was the one who had played Lady Gaga, and I was sure that would win.

As my brief disappointment faded away, Celestia took the next black card from the stack and read it. "_____ is a slippery slope that leads to _____." For a while now, I had had a decent combo planned out for this card, though I couldn't use it at the moment. I made a custom card that read 'Getting yelled at by Gordon Ramsay', and playing that in the second black with 'A disappointing salad' preceding it was something I knew could probably trump most other combos.

"Everyone ready?" Celestia asked, six pairs of white cards sitting in front of her. We all nodded. "Okay, then. Bathing in moonsblood and dancing around the ancient oak is a slippery slope that leads to autocannibalism."

There was a long silence that followed. "Uhhh..." Twilight began, a comically guilty expression on her face, "Oh, yeah...I forgot to say mine was a throwaway." She blushed faintly as she finished speaking. I, for one, never understood that moonsblood card.

"Tongue," Celestia continued, "Is a slippery slope that leads to free ice cream, yo."

"Waaaaaaiiiit..." Rainbow said, drawing out her word, "Wouldn't that be a good thing?"

"I suppose," Celestia replied, "Anyway, pulling out is a slippery slope that leads to indescribable lonliness."

There was another long pause. "Boy," Discord began, "Talk about a need for affection..."

"Not having sex is a slippery slope that leads to never having sex again."

"Wooooooowwwww..." I immediately replied, "That's pretty legit right there." I knew then that my combo had zero chance at winning.

"Gladitorial combat is a slippery slope that leads to filling a man's anus with concrete." All seven of us cringed at the mere mention of that card.

"Mild Autism is a slippery slope that leads to crippling social anxiety." At that, I placed my hands over my mouth, closed my eyes, and groaned. Once again, a seriously spot-on combo had been played. If it was me, I would have picked that one, but there was nothing I could do but wait and see if the Princess of the Sun had the same feelings. "Let's see, a few of these were rather clever, but I think the winner shall be the two sex cards this time around."

"I'll take that, sister," Luna said, her magic pulling the card away from Celestia in an instant. I was happy that Luna had finally gotten an Awesome Point. I felt that she had deserved one right from the start just for being awesome. Of course, I didn't feel the same way about Rainbow Dash, as she was already in a mini competition with Twilight, so I wasn't going to give her a head start...

As Discord took the next card, I expected him to make another outfit and/or scene appear, but that did not end up happening. "What's Teach for America using to inspire inner city students to succeed?" he asked.

"Not this," Twilight said, floating her card over to the draconequus, "Mine's a throwaway." It didn't take long after that for the rest of the cards to make their respective ways to Discord.

"Okay," Discord began again, "What's Teach for America using to inspire inner city students to succeed? Public ridicule. Okay, maybe... Teenage pregnancy." That earned a few laughs. "Well, that certainly might work. The homosexual agenda. Mmmm...Not this time. A falcon with a box on its head. Well, I suppose so, if they wanted all of them to become comedic birdwatchers. The inevitable heat death of the universe. Not sure what to say about that one. And finally..." he paused, his eyes going wide in excitement, "Yes! Total fucking chaos!" As he finished reading the sixth card, he proceeded to throw his arms up in the air and throw his head backwards, as if he was cheering for something. "Hahaha, sorry about that," he continued, "Look, some of these really worked, but as the Spirit of Chaos, I simply must reward anyone who uses chaos in the right way."

"Wait, haven't you..." I paused. "Who cares, anyway?" I thought to myself, "It doesn't matter that he's been reformed. He's freakin' Discord!" "Never mind. Carry on," I finished.

"Who had total fucking chaos?" the dracoequus asked.

"I did!" Cadance exclaimed.

"Wow, Cadance," I said, "You of all ponies..."

"Hey, what can I say?" she replied, "I just had it in my pile of cards and knew he'd love to see some chaos!" In no way could I have argued with that statement.

"You guys want another break?" I asked the group.

"Are you kidding?" Rainbow Dash replied, "I still gotta kick Twilight's flank here and I didn't get any Awesome Points this round!"

As I thought for a moment, I decided I was perfectly fine with just going right into round 3. "Fine by me, Rainbow," I replied, "Anyone else?" They all just nodded.

"Sweet!" Rainbow said, excitedly.

Author's Note

Here is the score after 2 rounds:

Me: 3
RD: 2
TS: 1
Cadance: 3
Luna: 1
Celestia: 2
Discord: 2