Given that I was sitting next to a pegasus who was desperate for the lead, I quickly reached for the card that would start the round. "Next from J.K. Rowling," I began, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of _____."

"Harry...who?" Cadance asked.

"He's just a boy-turned-wizard that goes to a school of wizardry with two of his friends," I replied.

"Oh, okay."

I was really happy to have seen this card. Sometime before all this had happened, I was playing a different game when this came up, and I had played the card 'menstrual rage' and won. I was hoping someone among the others at the table would be smart enough to play that same card - if they had it, of course.

Once I saw six cards in front of me, I began reading once again. "Next from J.K. Rowling: Harry Potter and the Chamber of something that looks like a box but turns out to be a crate."

"A chamber with a lone box?" Luna asked, inquisitively, "That sounds like a suspenseful story worth reading."

"Next from J.K. Rowling: Harry Potter and the Chamber of breaking out into song and dance. Hahaha!! Nice! Harry Potter and the Chamber of..." I paused upon seeing a card that may have been better than the card I wanted to see. "...Wet dreams." This got every single one of us laughing. "I swear, if this is Luna's card..." I thought to myself. "Anyway," I continued, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night. Boy, that was a mouthful..." I said, not sounding impressed by the use of words created by Allen Ginsberg, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of...Ha! 24-hour media coverage! Nice! Harry Potter and the Chamber of jerking off into a pool of children's tears." Discord and Rainbow both chuckled at that, but I was unamused.

After scanning over my options one last time, I finally decided on the winner; however, I knew it was very possible for most of us to be stuck in a 3-minute-long laughing fit, but I didn't really care. "Who had wet dreams?" I asked.

A long silence ensued. "Nobody? Seriously?" I asked again.

I then heard giggling from the one pony I had hoped would do so. "I did," Luna finally said, a few giggles coming out of her mouth as she spoke while a forehoof partially covered her snout.

That did it. Upon hearing those two small words, Twilight's dining room erupted into loud, boisterous laughter. In my opinion, it could easily have been compared to the time Richard Simmons had done a 'Living Scenery' skit with the cast of 'Whose Line is it Anyway?'. I vividly remembered the reactions from the audience members in that episode, and when I compared them to what I saw in front of me - from what I could see, as my laughing fit prevented me from having a clear view of everyone else - it was a near-perfect copy. Discord and Rainbow were laughing hysterically on the ground, all while Twilight, Cadance, and Celestia alternated between throwing their heads back and banging their forehooves on the table. Neither Celestia nor Cadance seemed to care if they were causing any harm to the golden shoes on their forehooves.

Luna, on the other hand, was a little less hyper. She was still laughing, but she was keeping far better control of herself than all the others. As for me, I had my face buried in my arms on the table most of the time, only lifting my head at random times to survey the chaos around me.

Once everything died down, Rainbow Dash took the next card in the pile. "The CIA now interrogates enemy agents by repeatedly subjecting them to _____," she read aloud. This time around, there wasn't really any conversation going on as we gave our cards to Rainbow, so once she got them, she began to read them off. "The CIA now interrogates enemy agents by repeatedly subjecting them to the harsh light of day."

"Ouch..." Discord said, glancing at Celestia as the white alicorn glanced back at him.

"The CIA now interrogates enemy agents by repeatedly subjecting them to white-man scalps. Ewww...Gross! ...By repeatedly subjecting them to my genitals. Ha! There we go! ...By repeatedly subjecting them to a cat video so cute that your eyes roll back and your spine slides out of your anus." Some of us cringed, but others laughed. "...By repeatedly subjecting them to The World of Warcraft."

"Actually, they'd probably get a kick out of that," I mentioned.

"Why? What is it?" Rainbow asked.

"It's a popular game from his world," Discord said.

"Oh, alright," Rainbow replied before continuing, "...By repeatedly subjecting them to a homoerotic volleyball montage. Nah. You know, as funny as my genitals was, I think I'll go with the cat video."

"Awesome!" I replied, grabbing the black card with my left hand.

"No, not awesome!" Rainbow immediately responded, "Now I gotta worry about you possibly being in a tie for the lead!"

"Hey, hey, hey calm down," I replied.

Rainbow's frown immediately turned upside-down as she laughed a little. "Heh, don't worry," she replied, "I'm alright."

"Good," I said in return.

After our little competitive conversation was over, Twilight took hold of the next card and read it aloud. "What's my secret power?"

Rainbow Dash coughed. "Beingthebiggesteggheadinexistence," she whispered behind her hoof in rapid succession before coughing again.

"Hahaha..." Twilight replied. Though she normally was okay with Rainbow Dash calling her an egghead once in a while, this did not seem to be one of those times.

Once again, not much was said as we passed our cards in. "Everyone ready?" Twilight asked, quickly get a response in the form of six simultaneous nods, "Okay. What's my secret power? Being marginalized."

This elicited a simultaneous, "Ooooooh..." from several of us.

"Being popular and good at sports. Popular, yes, but good at sports, no. Destroying the evidence."

Just then, Discord brought back his earlier Ron Burgundy-like appearance and news desk. "Tonight!" he began, "High-ranking government official found guilty of a cover-up! What did she do? Find out at 11!" This, like the last time, earned multiple laughs.

Once Discord had gotten rid of everything and got settled back into his seat, Twilight continued reading off the cards. "Dying of dysentery," she said. This earned a few giggles. "Getting all offended. I suppose, but not often enough. And finally, drinking responsibly."

"That...actually works, doesn't it?" I asked.

"I suppose so," Luna replied.

"You're right," Twilight said, "It does, but I'm gonna be dark for once and go with dying of dysentery."

"Wonderful!" Celestia said, proudly. I knew that her winning that card would make Dash even more aggravated, as there were now four of us, including her, in a tie for second place.

With the odds being in favor of having the tie broken, Cadance took the next black card in her magic and began reading it. "When you get right down to it," she said, "_____ is just _____."

I was really happy to see this card. It was the one card in the game - that I knew of - where one could be as literal as they wanted and still have a decent chance of winning. Unfortunately, I couldn't find two that went together, and I wouldn't find out until later that I had misinterpreted one of the cards.

"Mine's a throwaway," I heard Celestia say.

"Mine, too," said Twilight.

"Mine is, as well," Luna said. I was relieved to know that I wasn't the only one in that situation.

Soon, Cadance had 12 cards in front of her and was ready to read them all. "Okay," she continued, "When you get right down to it, spending lots of money is just losing all my lottery winnings." In my mind, that made way too much sense to not work. "When you get right down to it, the invisible hand is just a vagina that leads to another dimension. Hmmm...Nah. When you get right down to it, a peyote-fueled vision quest is just lumberjack fantasies." I couldn't help bust stifle a small giggle at that. Even though it wasn't a decent combo, I found the sheer ridiculousness rather amusing. "When you get right down to it, wiping her butt is just ennui. Uhhh...Do I want to know?" Cadance asked me.

"I never understood what ennui was," I replied. I was hoping Discord would have an answer, assuming he'd seen this card before when playing on earth, but he remained silent.

"Alright, then," Cadance continued, "When you get right down to it, a sweet spaceship is just a robust mongoloid." Once again, the pink princess gave a confused look and pushed the cards aside. "When you get right down to it, licking things to claim them as your own is just take-backsies. I...kiiiiinda see how that could work, but no. I'm going with the money and lottery winnings."

"Seriously!?" Twilight asked, looking rather surprised, "That's mine! I can't believe it!" I was expecting Rainbow Dash to get a little more upset, but given how she was still 2 points ahead of the purple alicorn, she just ignored the situation and eagerly waited for Luna to read the next card.

Thankfully, the pegasus - or the rest of us, for that matter - didn't have to wait very long. As Luna brought the next card over to herself, she said, "And the Academy Award for _____ goes to _____."

Truthfully, I had never been a fan of the Academy Awards, but whenever this card came up, I would always get excited, as people like Robert Downey, Jr., Arnold Schwarzenegger, or Samuel L. Jackson could get an award for the most ridiculous of reasons.

With six pairs of white cards set face-down in front of her, Luna began to read off the results. "And the Academy Award for penis breath goes to a fetus."

There was another long silence. "Okay, like...what the heck was that?" Rainbow asked no one in particular.

"Something not deserving of a victory," Luna replied, setting the two cards aside, "And the Academy Award for living in a trashcan goes to a man-shaped box. Hmmm...That could work, eventually. And the Academy Award for spectacular abs goes to our first chimpanzee president." This got plenty of us laughing. "And the Academy Award for ejaculating inside another man's wife does to Dick Cheney." Discord and I laughed at that, but not without me having to explain who Dick Cheney was. "And the Academy Award for..." she squinted. "Ummm...Peeing in a girl's butt to make a baby goes to Sean Penn."

"Ewww!" Rainbow responded.

"And the Academy Award for a zesty breakfast burrito goes to a pizza guy who fucked up. I don't think so. Let's see..." Luna said as she scanned over her options, "As funny as the abs combo was, the one with a box and a trashcan is much more realistic, so I will pick that one."

"Why, thank you, Luna!" Discord replied, sounding quite flattered. He had a good reason to be, as he was now in a tie for first place. This upset Rainbow Dash only slightly, and she soon got over it.

As Discord added to his pile of Awesome Points, Celestia took the next card in her magic and read it aloud. "My life is ruled by a vicious cycle of _____ and _____." I immediately knew of several decent combos that could be played right now that would match Celestia's life perfectly, but I didn't seem to have any of them.

Hearing no distinct reports of throwaways, I was eager to see what the results were. "Okay, here we go," Celestia continued, "My life is ruled by a vicious cycle of wearing an octopus for a hat and clogging the toilet every time you use it."

"Gross!" Rainbow said, not looking happy to be disgusted like that for two cards in a row.

"Hmmm..." Celestia continued, "That does sound viable, but it's too early to jump to conclusions. Anyway, my life is ruled by a vicious cycle of prancing and self-flagellation. Probably not. My life is ruled by a vicious cycle of just the tip and sweet, sweet vengeance."

I immediately turned to my left and motioned for Rainbow Dash to bring her ear closer to me. I then whispered to her, "No wonder she's looking for vengeance! She wants the whole thing!" This caused the pegasus to laugh for quite some time.

Celestia didn't bother ask what I had told Rainbow and simply carried on with reading. "My life is ruled by a vicious cycle of fiery poops and drinking alone."

"Sounds like a rather spicy batch of cider if you ask me!" Cadance said, her statement earning a few laughs.

"Good one, Cadance," Celestia replied, chuckling lightly as she spoke, "Anyway, my life is ruled by a vicious cycle of active listening and graphic violence, adult language, and some sexual content."

"Gee," I began, "I didn't realize you were that into R-rated movies, Celestia!" A few of the others giggled at what I had said, Celestia included.

Celestia continued reading once everyone's laughs had died down. "My life is ruled by a vicious cycle of sexy pillow fights and getting punched by Captain Falcon himself. Hmmm...Not this time. I think I'll go with fiery poops and drinking alone, because that sounds rather debilitating compared to the others.

"Thank you, sister," Luna happily said as she snatched the black card away from Celestia.

Discord soon took the next card; however, before he read it, he snapped his fingers and made himself look like a heavily distressed 18-year-old girl (I was just making an estimation on the age). Then, in a heavily feminine tone, he said, "Having the worst day EVER. #_____." The rest of us could help but laugh at the draconequus' display.

I instantly noticed one card in my hand that would most likely make anyone have the worst year ever, or even more than that.

"Mine's a throwaway," Twilight said, bemused, "What a surprise..."

Soon, six white cards were sitting face-down in front of Discord, eagerly waiting to be read. "Okay, then," Discord continued, briefly ceasing the feminine voice before starting it up again as he began to read, "Having the worst day EVER. #Finger painting." I figured that if someone spent that long finger painting, they'd feel like it was a bad day, regardless of how their work turned out. "Having the worst day EVER. #The Annoying Orange." This made me laugh, as I knew that little fruit had plenty of haters back on earth, even though I wasn't particularly one of them. "Having the worst day EVER. #Pooping back and forth. Forever." Most of us cringed at that. "Having the worst day EVER. #The Tenerife Disaster."

Partially emulating my actions from earlier, I covered my face with my hands and groaned as I got up and took a few steps away from the table, only to return less than 15 seconds later.

"Uhhh..." Rainbow Dash began, "What's the...whatever it was disaster?"

As I sat back down, I replied, "It's the worst aviation disaster in my world's history. It happened nearly 40 years ago, and 583 people died."

"Yeesh..." Cadance mumbled.

"That's a rather large amount of casualties," Luna said.

"I know," I replied, "Luckily, mass casualties like that don't happen very often anymore, depending on the circumstance. Anyway, go on, Discord."

The draconequus nodded and began to read again. "Having the worst day EVER. #Getting yelled at by Gordon Ramsay."

"HAHAHAHA!!!!" I laughed, barely able to contain myself upon hearing one of the most accurate placements of a card all night. Discord seemed to get a kick out of it, as well, even though he was clearly trying to stay in character.

"Having the worst day EVER," he continued, "#The Gulags."

"Wow..." I said, "That's pretty intense."

"What are the Gulags, exactly?" Celestia asked.

As Discord returned to his normal look with another snap of his fingers, he replied, "If I'm correct, it's a rather harsh prison on his planet."

"Close," I replied, "It was a large amount of work camps."

"Oh, that's right. I forgot. Anyway, all of these work in some way, even finger painting."

"You wanna randomize them?" I suggested.

"Precisely," the draconequus immediately replied. He then re-shuffled the six cards for about 10 seconds before he spoke in that feminine voice once again. "Having the worst day EVER. #..." he then placed one random card down on the table. "...Getting yelled at by Gordon Ramsay."

"Yes!" Luna exclaimed.

"Aw, come on!" Rainbow said, clearly annoyed. Not only had her seemingly decent card not won, but now Luna had reinstated the four way tie for second place.

"Nice job, Luna," I said to the Princess of the Night, "I love that card."

"Why, thank you," she replied, "It sounds like it's rather potent when it comes to itself being played."

"It depends on the situation," I responded, "You have to know when exactly to play it. That pretty much goes for every single card in the game."

"I figured," Luna said in return.

"Anyway, you guys need a break?"

"I sure do," Twilight said.

"Same here," came the voice of Cadance.

With that, we all left the room at once to take care of any necessary business before we resumed our miniature festival of fun.

Author's Note

Here are the standings after 5 rounds:

Me: 5
RD: 5
TS: 3
Cadance: 6
Luna: 5
Celestia: 5
Discord: 6