Vengeance, Card Games and Magic

≤All shall hail knighty's fat chode? Pssh! That is nothing compared to what I could have! Mine is as big as the moon, ____________ers!≥

[After taking numerous therapy lessons and trying not to die in the ridiculous heat of Summer, I have made a recovery from the last proper chapter and a severe case of lazy malaria. My brain may have died in some way but what can you do? Without any postponement, here's the chapter. You cannot believe the torment I've been through with the ________ing formatting bug! This has happened twice and now all has gone to __________. Even what what I _______ now has been partially e______… Saker, can you auto-repair the commenting software?]

[God__________ing dammit. Fix the problem now!]

<______________ your face!>

[Don't make me get out the Sharpie and fill in the blanks.]

≤____________________________________≥

[What the hell did you say?]

≤Saker, f*ck off. Oh Morgie, what was the number of that hooker I killed by letting a train run over her?≥

[Now back to Courage the Cowardly Dog, I mean VCG&M.]

Warning: There is no romance in this fanfic, f*ck off all of those who like the actual book. I will go to Costco and burn down the mountains of Fifty Shades books they have on sale to prevent their takeover of the world.

Vengeance, Card Games and Magic: Now free of bugs, the blistering Christmas heat and monsodium glutamate. Oh wait, most people reading this are in the Northern Hemisphere. Ha ha! Frostbite for all of you!

"…Why are we just standing here looking at him in silence?" Twilight Sparkle whispered as their supposed assailant continued to browse more disturbing videos on his company issued IPhoney 4S. He was suppose to take them out a few weeks ago but occupied his time with a informative music video.

"Be quiet." Yami shushed the purple unicorn. "Don't make any sudden movements. Their peripheral vision can't be used to see us if we are as still as statues."

"Isn't that assumption for dinosaurs?" Mokuba shouts, unaware of everyone trying to be quiet.

"Looks like someone hasn't seen the Jurassic Park sequels to ruin the entire movie franchise." Lelouche couldn't resist himself from the necessary urge to comment.

Yami sighed as he was forced to explain himself for Mokuba's sake. "It works on cats when you use laser pointers, so we're hoping something with a lower IQ will fall for that trick."

"Dude, I can see you clearly from here and I can hear you talking about me." Jaden said as put his phone away, preparing himself to do… something that might be slightly intimidating.

"No you can't! I am covering my eyes and what I can't see can't hurt me." Tristan said, ironically standing next to a Weeping Angel.

"Tristan, just give up. We should surrender to his evil might and prepare ourselves for our certain demi–" Yugi bursted into a state of manic laughter, rolling himself on the floor. "I'm sorry, it's too hard not to laugh when I look at you." He said about a minute later when he came through to his senses.

Facepalming himself like crazy, the only audible words heard from Kaiba was: "This is a f*cking joke."

"Yeah, I would expect something like a bunny to be more menacing than you in that stupid costume of yours." Joey ironically stated, still in his custom-made fur-suit.

"Don't even get me started on the overuse of black. It makes me want to throw up." The ivory pony recoiled in disgust from the horrid, tacky outfit. Honestly, just look at it! It would make any sane person want to kill themselves. "The worst possible thing has just been redefined. I mean, what horrid creature could make such terrible clothes?"

Jaden began to respond in a casual manner. "My mum made this for m–"

"I've seen bunnies much more scarier than him." Fluttershy looked at Jaden with curiosity, wondering if he was some sort of hideous lagomorph only a mother could love.

"An' Ah don't understand what's with his stupid accent." Applejack poked fun in another ironic way that is being stated blatantly by the writer in a half-brained attempt to use verbosity as the means to fill in the gaps and prevent script-writing style stories that everyone and their mother could write.

"It's like he's speaking another language." Suzaku half-shouted, trying to take himself out with a pan-flute.

Seeing that he did nothing wrong whatsoever yet, Jaden tried to defend his image. "C'mon man, why all the hate?"

"Yeah, this is Jaden Yuki." Seto Kaiba introduced their assailant party-crasher. "He thinks he's black and likes speaking that way."

"Low blow, man; totally uncool."

"See what I mean."

"That's not Jaden, silly." Pinkie appaered from behind the group, bursting with boundless, ballistic bellows of energy. "It's ShadyVox! Oh I am such a big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big fan of yours!"

"Okay, can someone please explain what's so bad about this guy?" Rainbow raised both hooves at Jaden, obviously not getting the point as to how dangerous he actually is.

"It's not that he's bad and all, but he's just really really annoying. Also he sucks at everything." Yugi filled her in on the information.

"He's not a true Yu-Gi-Oh protagonist anyway with that boring hair of his. It makes you think why they even made GX if they were going to use this guy as the main character." Yami stated proudly.

"Now I know why they say death is slightly better." Trixie resolved that joke in chapter six, I mean skuxx. Yes, that was what it will be called.

Burning with impatience, Jaden errupted in a plume of rage. "Enough! I have been ordered to eliminate you all."

"Well you can do whatever the hell it is you want but you're still that same old wannabe rap artist."

"Yeah, we asked for someone remotely interesting, not some cliché as f*ck villain poser." Seto kindly summed up their situation right then.

"And who by chance told you to do this?" Lelouche stroked his chin in a thinking manner, donning a top hat and monocle to look classy.

Jaden turned back to see the out of story character. "Discord and Melvin. Why?"

"I just wanted to know if it was worth my time to hit their gay adopted child."

"Take that back, you fiend, Lelouche!" Yami denied the mean comment. "You know that no one in their right mind would want to adopt him! Then again, his momma was so dumb that she had an abortion after nine months."

"You're a dick!" The failed villain shouted back.

"I'm an ancient Egyptian Pharaoh; that's what I do."

"Can we get to the part where we kill Jaden and dump his body outside?" Duke tried to control his unstoppable swag from vaporizing the GX main protagonist.

Kaiab decided to change their post-mortum arrangements for Jaden. "Let's give him a shallow grave, like his personality. It'll be more than he could ever afford."

"Leave Jaden alone! He's a human!" Pinkie rushed up to Jaden, hugging him before being pried off his waist.

"At least I'm doing what you will never do every day!" He gloated in what little pride he had left.

"Smoking weed?"

"Pretending to be black?" Spike scratched his spiny head, deep in thought.

"Acting retarded?" Joey continued to scratch his head in confusion and relief of fleas.

"Correction," Kaiba amended his statement. "Being retarded."

"I'm actually deep inside bitches whilst you sit at home in your basement, watching your high-class subscription to porn." Jaden lied as he would actually both watch porn and do it with his bitches.

"Lol, virgins!" Yami shouted out, only to have Twilight and Yugi stare at him. "…What? I was only insulting Kaiba that time, jeez!" He dismissed their glare.

"Jaden, there are these things that you can't afford called hookers. I think your mom likes the term prostitute better." Seto Kaiba gloated for a few seconds before Trixie cleared her throat. "But then again, I already have a girlfriend, apparently.

All the rap artist did was smile. "Pretty sure that your relationship with your left hand doesn't make it a girlfriend."

"Excuse me? Trixie is Kaiba's marefriend!" Trixie began pushing around Jaden, jabbing her hoof at his chest. "And don't you forget it, bitch! Or I'll set fire to everything you ever loved and cared for."

"Plus, I only use my right." The billionaire lowered his head slightly in shame.

Being the only one not disgusted by that fact, Serenity was left in the dark on the situation. "…I wonder what he means by that?"

"Seriously? Do you really want to know?" Lelouche gave her a look of seriousness.

"……Maybe?"

Yami, being the 'wise' Pharaoh that he is, decided to 'educate' Joey's sister just for laughs. "Let me put this straight for you: It's the hand you hold your 'deck' with."

"But what if I don't have a deck" Pinkie chimed into the conversation. "Could I grasp someone else's deck? Or could I hold their deck with my mouth, is that alright?"

"This is starting to sound quite disturbing, but I can't stop looking." Suzaku blurted out something unintelligent as usual.

"Just lay back and let him do the work." Lelouche comforted his friend.

"And the sex jokes begin to err me." Kaiba continued to give his frown of disapproval.

"Yes! Once you put your lips right around it, then you can blow on my whistle for as long as you want, baby." Yami continued to prolong the joke in an unnecessary manner.

"I thought it was a deck?" Jaden said, obviously not getting the joke.

"That's what I was meant to say. Deck."

"I'm gonna guess that this won't last much longer."

"Don't worry, it has already lasted longer than the lesbian did: Ten seconds flat, am I right?" Yami gave a look of approval to Rainbow Dash, obviously pissed off by his constant insults.

"F*ck you." She said as both of her hindhooves bucked straight into the genital region of Yami.

Rendered defenseless, the Pharaoh fell to his knees, writhing in pain and anger. "Why is it always my keys?!! You're a real bitch, you know!"

"I'm Rainbow Dash; that's what I do." She said, with a smug, arrogant smile of payback plastered on her face.

"Is this going to have some sort of climax?" Jaden kept the joke running unintentionally.

"For us there will be, when we kill you!" Tristan pulled out his Glock G22 pistols alongside Pinkie. Whipping up black business suits from hammerspace, both had their guns extended towards Jaden. "I dare you to move, I… Um… I quadruple-septuple-do a barrel roll dare you!"

"Any of you f*cking pricks move and I'll execute every motherf*cking last one of you!" The absolute nutcase ripped off his costume, revealing ridiculous amounts of high explosives. "I thank Bastion for letting me 'borrow' his explosive vest."

"Oh goodie," Yami sighed. "A Pulp Fiction reference. Bring out the gimp! Hold that thought, Jaden's already here. Never mind, Quentin Tarantino!"

"W-what?"

"Get him!"

"Don't you think this is a bit of an overkill?" Yugi openly asked everyone.

"Nyeh, at least it beats a rap battle." Joey shrugged.

And mainly to piss of the fans in a cheap, diablo ex machia-style cop-out as a last minute decision, [Shut up, I don't care!] Time magically froze for reasons that are about to be explained… …As I was narrating– …Goddammit, Saker.

Back to what was being said, Jaden noticed the unnatural ellipsis in time, turning to see a cloaked man in a hoodie, attempting to smoke a can of Pepsi Next.

"What happened…" Jaden turned towards the shrouded figure, looking for an answer.  "And who the hell are you?"

"I'm Chris." The no longer a mystery man said. "I would have come bursting out of the ground with an extra hammy entrance, but I didn't."

"Never heard of you. So, why did you save me?"

"It was all apart of plan where I steal back the Cheetos you stole from me which I stole from that cheetah on the commercials. I wish they were extinct." Chris went back to his can before speaking once again. "All you have to do is give them back and I release you along with some free magic powers. Magic powers! oOOOOOOooooOOOoooo…"

"Hmmm, do I get a keychain too?"

"By the power of the new episode, I bestow upon thee great magi– Okay, f*ck it! Yubel, hold him down. I'm going in dry!"

"Why do I need to hold him for?" The demon already possessing Jaden's body questioned Chris' commands.

"What I'm about to do will get CardGamesFTW suspended and will insert a bug onto any recently reformatted website, wiping out all important cut scenes involving Jaden!"

"Yes, but you also like knocking people out with nerve gas for the laughter out loud." He stopped himself from speaking.

"Who are you talking to?" Jaden interrupted.

"SHUT UP JADEN OR SO HELP ME I WILL SHOVE A RUBBER FIST UP YOUR BUTT!"

"Very nice, I like!"  Shadi appeared out of nowhere in a bright green mankini due to Saker's endless appetite for random things to occur.

{One Hour Later}

"Seto! You're finally awake! Are you alright? Speak to me!" Mokuba violently shook Kaiba's limp body, his eyes on the verge of tears. All those fake emotions built up inside finally poured out in a metaphorical, and quite literal way.

"Ungh…" Finally coming to his senses, he feeling himself being lifted up off the ground after hearing the sweet sound of someone else suffering. "Shut the f*ck up, Mokuba."

"Meh, he's fine." The pegasus pony dropped Kaiba, causing him to fall on his back.

Trixie  galloped over to her newfound boybriend and cried: "Oh Seto! You're all right! I was worried when you didn't wake up!"

"So no one even cares to ask if I'm alright? That's nice." Yugi slowly made his own way onto his feet.

A startled Twilight gave a pleasant smlie. "Yugi! We didn't know that you were going to wake up."

"What happened?"

"Oh nothing much, Jaden thinks he's Connor from Assasin's Creed 3."

"God I hate that character!" Mokuba forcibly gave his opinion. "The gameplay is awesome, but Connor is such a whiney bitch!"

"So nothing new happened to him?" Yugi made a smug remark.

"Hm, now let me think…" Rainbow sarcastically replied. "No! He captured Yami, AJ and Fluttershy!"

"That's like what, three out of seventeen protagonists that were here? Sixteen if you don't count Mokuba. As if we even need that asshole Yami. I don't know how you feel about your other friends, but at least we have more screen time."

"Jaden also stole the cardboard box, which had both Téa and the script to this fanfiction." Said Twilight, unamused.

"And that's bad because…" Kaiba waited for the lavender mare to give him an answer.

Twilight sighed as she had to explain herself to him. "It was apart of our plan to defeat Melvin and Discord from doing what they were going to do."

"Oh relax, I'm sure with Pinkie Pie and Tristan we will find another copy." Yugi dismissively reassured her.

"They aren't here." Kaiba said flatly, scanning the room quickly for anyone else. "Not in this world anyway."

Stunned by Kaiba's sudden and accurate conclusion, Trixie managed to stutter: "H-how did you–"

"I can tell when there a lack of dweebs in the room. At least I know the furry isn't here."

"Uh… Seto…" Mokuba tried to alert his brother, just as the elevator door pinged open, revealing Joey (still in his fursuit) holding bags of groceries towards them.

"F*ck me dead."

"Gladly." Trixie added on.

"Hey hey hey! I bought toaster waffles!" He said, raising the almighty waffles on high. "And I found the last box of Twinkies before the Mayans invade and destroy the world! You would not believe how much of your money I spent on it!"

"Sweet, you're back! Did ya get the maple syrup?" Raibow butted in, snooping through the groceries

"Where exactly is Duke and everyone else by the way?" Yugi proceeded to answer all the questions that the audience needs to understand what happened.

"Your grandfather went on a 'secret expedition' to this place called the Playboy Mansion whilst Tristan, Duke, Serenity, Rarity, Spike and Pinkie ran through the portal to save Applejack, Fluttershy and the script. No one was keen at all on getting Yami back." Twilight quickly recalled. "Now that I think about it, no one actually wanted to do it for them at all. They all wanted to be with Duke. Why would they even save Yami in the first damn place if he's such a jerk to everyone?"

"Well I'm glad that a chapter one joke has been resolved. That asshole got what was coming to him!"

"Indeed."

"So what are we waiting for? Let's go into Kaiba's whatchamacallit and save everyone!" Joey dropped the bags on the ground and proceeded to point towards the Dimensional Gateway System™.

"This may seem completely random at first, but I just got this crazy idea." Yugi ceased everyone's movement towards the DGS. "Why don't we just stay here and do nothing until we need to save the world?"

"What?!" The lavender unicorn screeched in shock.

Trixie was at a loss for words. "That's so… So…"

"Stupid?" Twilight attepted to guess what was on her mind.

"It's such a dick move!" Joey half shouted in rage specifically from the most populous borough in New York City (no points for guessing where that is).

"Even I'm a massive d*ck at times to your friends at times, but this is way worse than what I normally do." Kaiba begrudgingly agreed with the majority on this note.

"No, that's actually not such a bad idea." Rainbow Dash began to exploit the opportunities in not helping for once. "Considering how we are constantly chasing after everyone else, I say let them be!"

"But our friends! The princesses!" Twilight protested the importance of friendship.

Kaiba also unwillingly saw that this plan would hinder him as well. "Who else will we insult? Joey?"

"A-nyeh?" Was Joey's involuntary response upon hearing his own name out of confusion.

"It would be the perfect way to develop our relationships!" Trixie began to snuggle up to Kaiba, arousing the anti-protagonist in a way that no hot chick will ever please him. That is unless it is a barbequed chicken on a tandouri

"Hey, wait a second! You're just stalling us!" Mokuba had to ruin Yugi's plan, making everyone turn around to see him unfastening a very important bolt on the DGS.

Responding appropriately to the twelve year old, Rainbow Dash though this was the best thing to say: "Shut up, Moukba!"

"No! My precious!" Kaiba shouted out in slow-motion as the Self-Destruct bolt was unfastened, instantaneously exploding into nothingness and coating the room in a thick, dark blanket of soot.

"Gee," Yugi said, trying to ignore his handiwork. "I wonder who destroyed Kaiba's Dimensional Gateway System, with a wrench. To be specific this wrench!" He held up his own bloodied wrench. "Though it is a little bit dirty after a couple of months and a lack of originality, but I think someone has learned their lesson very well."

[You are so damn lucky that I hate more people apart from you, butt-much.]

≤YOU WILL DIE A THOUSAND DEATHS, MORTAL!!!!≥

"…So does this mean we're not going to Equestria?" Mokuba looked around at the destruction.

"Shut up, Mokuba!" Everyone in unison shouted, feeling much better for themselves in the process.

<Outro Music for the win!>

[This may be the last time I talk to you, if the apocalypse is true, which I severely think is a retarded idea. Considering that people seriously believed that doomsday would happen last year, and so on before it, the end of the world is complete and utter ____________. So this is going to be brief: Giving more character development by splitting up the groups is what I consider absolute genius.

Now with that massive delay, let's say that my script and the notes for the Marik arc were all accidentally shredded when they went through a shredder… when trying to shred my report card of shame and my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle poster of the antagonist Shredder… that was after I had spaghetti bolognese with shredded mozzarella. Maybe I'm milking this joke too far. Well I'm off!

See ya later, Feraligator,

Morgie93]