Vengeance, Card Games and Magic

Vengeance, Card Games and Magic: More prowess, words, and originality than My Little Yugi and My Little Marik. Time to stop talking about other fan fics and get this freaking show on the road!

10th Chapter Anniversary: New Year, new-ish concepts, "new" jokes, and who can forget, a relatively new story arc!

[Anthony, stop acting like a d*ck. I would have that uncensored to emphasize my point, but forget swearing, I have my moral codes.]

≤Saker, you might want to check what you just said back there.≥

[And you might want to realise that your precious brownies are becoming carcinogenic the longer they are exposed to high heats; they're burning.]

≤The term for you is gimp, bigger bitch!≥

≤Fine, I guess someone doesn't get to have any of my brownies then, Brigadier bitch!≥

[Now that is why we aren't going to have a scene this episode. Ladies and gentlemen: Your long awaited chapter has arrived.]

Meanwhile, thousands of days ago…

Knutsford, Cheshire, Great Britain, 2006

An overcast country sky and scarcely crowded streets marked the usual day in Knutsford, as people casually walked about. Though with everyone on the street, preoccupied in getting to work merrily that Monday, not one person noticed the sudden arrival of a typical, deep blue police box.

Now if it was a red police box, then you'd probably be in Glasgow forty years ago, but this was a blue police box. And to confuse you even more, the blue police box was not a typical police box, but rather a malfunction in the TARDIS's chameleon circuit that makes this dimensionally transcendental time traveling ship look like the Mackenzie-Trench style police box. Difficult to get your head around? Yes, I know, but what makes it more intriguing was what came out of the police box.

Opening the door to their new location, Lyra's brain instantly snapped at the sight of more than one person passing by. "There are so many humanses, my preciouss." She spoke in a raspy voice, Bon Bon walking out behind her, straining her eyes trying to adjust to the low levels of light. "Just look at all their pretty handses…" Lyra rubbed her hooves together in an evil action, almost being stopped by the tenth incarnation of The Doctor, dismissing the potential danger of bringing her along into a world full of her fixed obsession. "Imagine right now what we can do with them. So many naughty, naughty thingss… They must me mine!"

Cockblocking Lyra from a potential mutilation spree, the door to the TARDIS swung open knocking her out of the way for their most effeminate-looking member of their group.

"Yes! We're in 2006, mother*eff*ers!" Marik shouted as he stepped out into the dreary atmosphere with nothing but a mesh t-shirt and leather pants on him. "And now to exploit the past and predict the future up until 2012 for psychic fame! Wah-hah-hah-hah-ha! It will be the biggest mindf*eff* since I figured out that Severus Snape was in fact actually Hans Grüber!"

Bakura, wearing jeans and a granny-knitted jumper to blend in, couldn't help but feel as though Marik's 'evil' plan could have the slight possibility of being evil for once. He just hoped that it wasn't a dream this time. "We could always just blackmail Disney and Warner Bothers so we don't tell the world about how crappy Hannah Montanna and Superman Returns is, for a hefty price of course."

"Evil blackmailing evil…" His partner in crime thought out loud over the prospect of more leather pants from his cut of their money. "Ingenious!"

"Does this plan involve giving away spoilers too?" Bon Bon glanced back at her slowly-recovering marefriend lying on the stone pavement.

"Why didn't I think of that!" Bakura exclaimed as he pulled out his phone to check all the movie trailers out in theaters internationally. "Let's see… What came out this year that can be ruined easily… 300, the third X-Men movie, the second Pirates of the Caribbean movie, The Da Vinci Code, Code Geass, Over the Hedge, V for Vendetta, The Omen, Dexter, the Death Note Anime, Little Miss Sunshine, Borat, Night at the Museum, Pan's Labyrinth, the new James Bond movie series starring Daniel Craig…"

"And finally, the most important thing that ever came out of this horrible year." Marik added on to the immaculate list of famous TV shows and movies airing with something far more sinister, evil, beautiful and fabulous… "The Devil Wears Prada! Truly one of the most original movies in the cinema for it's time."

Lyra continued to sit on the ground, lost in a trance. "I'm sorry, I was too busy staring at your mid-rift the whole time. Now back to cutting off everyone's hands!" She laughed manically before Bon Bon managed to hit her with the door again.

"We are not giving away any spoilers whatsoever!" The Doctor pulled out a street guide for the local area, opening it up as he tried to figure out where they had to go. "The fact that the universe itself could unravel because of it means that you aren't allowed to mess with what's happened."

"Awwww. But all that money we may or may not have made…" Marik whined and pulled a face with puppy dog eyes the way that usually made Ishizu give in to whatever he asked of her. This was clearly not having any positive effect on The Doctor whatsoever as a vein on his forehead began to throb violently.

"*cough* *cough* buzzkill *cough*" Bakura discreetly muttered so that only the Time Lord could hear him faintly.

"The only fun you'll have apart from making up an apocalypse date this year will be helping me stop Mister Billany from asphyxiating himself with a noose." He spoke slightly louder to drown out his irritability to Bakura's behaviour, his nose still deep into the regional map.

"I'll be asphyxiating you if you don't let me have the chance to bet on just one horse race for fun."

"First thing you should know before you do that is, you can't choke me. Time Lords have a respiratory bypass system that can allow us to go without air for a very long time. And b, I mean two, just one winning horse race could bring about a global economic recession that may take years to recover from."

"I don't bloody care what might happen! Being put in prison for who knows how bloody long with Marik and the other pony that acts almost exactly like him is too much for me to handle. And now you expect me to give a f*ck about some guy who is going to kill himself, out of the hundreds of other sods who bugger themselves, over the gain of personal wealth that will be used for extravagant spending?"

Not noticing Bakura's blatantly clear resilience in wanting to help, The Doctor merely replied with: "Yes."

"That's fine with me!" Bakura raised his hands in acceptance. "You can have your adventure, I'm getting a pint or two for myself. You can babysit him all you want whilst I'll be drinking myself to buggery with the money I make off the local book keepers." He stormed off in an outrage down the street to become a multi-billionaire.

"Oh well, one less person isn't going to effect the mission." The Doctor looked back to Bon Bon, being the only person (or really the only sentient being) that he could actually hold an intelligent conversation with that wasn't about hands or who invented the first diamond-studded skinny jeans. "Did you know that he was a local from these parts?"

"All I know is that he speaks in that weird accent." She tried to deter away from talking about accents completely, knowing her experience with voice-changing spells.

"He's not gay, that's for sure." Lyra said with a burst of self confidence in her voice. Despite being hit in the head by the TARDIS door twice, her judgment didn't seem the slightest bit off. "British? Probably."

"…Alright then." The Doctor folded up his map, pulling out his sonic screwdriver in place of it. "Allons-y! To Mr Billany's house!" He lead the way, the screwdriver serving as a GPS system that makes Google Maps look equally as bad as Apple Maps.

"How will he know which horse will win?" Lyra asked Marik, who was busy applying extravagant amounts of number 16 bronzer as he walked alongside her. He seemed quite unfazed over Bakura's little outburst, more focused on getting the right shade of tan on his face.

"Back to the Future II pretty much explains how everything could be manipulated through gambling and knowledge of past events to gain excessive amounts of money. But the backlash that happens from it could actually mess up with other important events that happened." Marik closed the lid of the makeup container and slipped it back into his pants.

"That doesn't answer the question." The Doctor commented, not helping Marik explain the flaw in his reasoning. Bon Bon's gaze demanded that he should actually respond properly this time.

"Oh. Um… Look, I'm sure he'll remember out of the hundreds of horses races internationally at this time. Right?" Marik gave a slight shrug of confusion, no one else bothered by his expected response. He then came to a dead halt, everyone wondering what was going on. "We might need to go back again for a moment. I have to go pee-tinkle again."

Frustrated with the futility of a human bladder, in particular Marik's, The Doctor let out a sigh of annoyance. "I just don't understand why is it that the TARDIS doesn't even have a toilet."

In the deep dark lair of the Kaibaman…  The Present

After the miraculous off-screen clean up of the basement, which, by the way, took at least eighty-seven "I haven't done blah blah blah all year" jokes and the viewing of eleven Christmas specials to get through, everyone just did nothing.

And of course by nothing, I mean that Mokuba was playing with his Legos and watching Spongebob innocently; his self-absorbed brother reading through every Time magazine that his face was on; Joey and Rainbow Dash were busily playing ZombieU, sucking at it anyway; Twilight Sparkle and Trixie Lulamoon decided to learn and become accustomed to playing a children's card game; whilst the last person in the room began contemplating on the more important things in life…

"I wonder what time it is…" Yugi Mutou stared intensely at the modern styled analogue clock. "…In USA because I'm still waiting for The Walking Dead to come back on!"

Following the pattern of sudden outbursts of anger, Twilight decided to respond the same way. "Ungh!" She cried out, throwing the rule book of the greatest game on the planet down. "I have been reading this stupid 68 page booklet on Yu-Gi-Oh and these rules make no sense whatsoever!"

"Synchro Summon? Face Down Position? Exodia?" A puzzled Trixie recoiled from the glossy pages of gibberish. "This game is so broken that anyone can exploit it! Even your less capable friend is able to break the rules." Smugly looking directly at Rainbow Dash when she finished her last sentence.

"Hey! No one says anything about Pinkie Pie like that and gets away with it!" Dash looked away from the TV to reply to the insulting remark.

"I thought she was talking about Tristan?" Joey turned around for a moment before his character got bitten by a zombie. "Aw dammit! Not again!"

"And that is why newbies always lose at card games." They have no f*cking idea what's going on."

"But don't we all have no idea what's going on as well, considering all the highly improbable situations where people bullsh*t their way into winning?" Mokuba finally decided to join into the conversation.

"Shut up, you little urchin!" Trixie barked back to him. "Can't you see that we are all trying do do something productive here!"

"And if by something productive, you mean reading and playing violent video games, then yes; I fully agree with you." The Brooklyn gamer commented.

"Seto, I don't like her." Mokuba whined and childlishly pointed dead straight at Trixie, not even slightly bothered with what the little rug rat had to say.

Kaiba just sat in his armchair of bad-assery (or so he liked to call it from time to time) and put down his magazine to counsel with his younger brother. "Cool story; don't care" He said, going back to his reading.

"But Seto, I want her dead! You said I decide who lives and dies, right?"

Sighing as he realised that simply ignoring the problem wasn't going to help, Seto Kaiba began to lecture Mokuba. It tended to happen when Mokuba tried to speak for longer than three sentences, which was not much but made both of them happy. "Yes, and I also said wanted to try crystal meth once." Kaiba waited for his bother's response.

"Uh…"

"It means I don't really care about your problems and that there are many other things that I could be doing right now."

"Like flagging YouTube videos to compensate for your small penis, when in actual fact you don't even have one?" Mokuba decided that being a dick to his brother and his legal guardian was a brilliant idea with absolutely no consequences whatsoever.

"That video wasn't even canon! It was all thanks to that robot I see when I'm in my happy place sometimes. So worth the near overdose that time round."

"…Getting back on track now," Yugi said after giving a weird look to Kaiba in response to hearing about his 'happy place'. "Have you tried turning it the right side up?

Twilight appeared dumbfounded upon hearing the news. "It was upside down? Oh, it was upside down. This makes it so much easier to read!" She blushed cutely, subliminally flirting with Yugi as apart of her three month plan to hook up.

"You don't say?" Kaiba decided to imitate Nicholas Cage's face before going back to his  magazine of him. Turning the page to continue reading the article about himself, he stopped reading to look at his photo. "Damn I look awesome."

A few moments later, the booklet right did up this time, Twilight came to a sad,  disappointing, and true conclusion as Trixie gazed over the page. "…It still doesn't make sense."

"Let me tell you how I figured the game out." Rainbow snuck up behind the unicorns, putting a comforting wing around both of them. "And it only took me about a week to figure it out."

"That must have been fast." Trixie sarcastically groaned in annoyance.

"Playing children's card games, or any card game for that matter, is like having sex. You want to do it, everyone has the urge to do it; it's only natural. Everyone gets this feeling from time to time, and the only way to sort it out is by playing card games with someone else. If you don't have anyone else to play with at the time, you could either use a machine or play with yourself. Getting away with watching it on TV is about as interesting as sawing wood. Usually doing that is less satisfactory, and the definition of a loner. Being forced to play card games is not fun at all with strangers, unless you're into that kind of stuff, which in that case, go for it.

"Now you shouldn't be too eager to do it if it's your first time. It should be done with someone you trust and won't try to take advantage over you. Cheating and rape is not cool. Once you start, you can pretty much do it anywhere: standing up, sitting down, on a table or even on the streets. And one last thing, always use protection. This is a must if you want to prevent card friction, viruses from other players, and dust from causing any damage that will hinder you from continuing to play."

"…Okay." Twilight said flatly, all the colour suddenly fading from her face in shock. "That was a bit too… accurate… And detailed."

"At least you did a better job explaining this game that everyone else can actually understand. Are you a moderately skilled fan fiction writer with a useless English major by chance?" Joey said, impressed with the fine detail.

Leaning back further into his armchair, Kaiba's eyes remained glued to his magazine. "I swear she was trying to repeat this joke some British guy made on the Internet. God, I miss good comedy."

"Where's Bakura when you need to insult someone about being gay?" Yugi spoke to himself after turning back to look at the clock again. "I wonder what the date is today…"

Back in Knutsford, 2006

Twenty-two minutes and one hundred and thirty-four thousand, nine hundred and seven pounds (£, not .lb for any clarification) later…

Alcoholic fumes and a distinct lack of cigarette smoke continued to mingle within the air, making a depressing, dreary atmosphere within the compounds of the tavern, except for those who were drunk. The only thing keeping everyone inside was the heat compared to outside, that and the fact Daniel Powter's song 'Bad Day' hasn't been played on the radio all day.

"I'm a bloody idiot…" Bakura mumbled to himself, deep in regret over the loss of his life savings to the bookies. His body began to ache from remaining hunched over the counter waiting for his misery to end."Marik's idiotic behavior has been rubbing onto me much more badly than I thought. Betting nearly everything I had and not knowing which horse will win was something completely stupid!" "Where the bloody hell is my drink!"

"Sorry sir, here's your order." The local barkeep slid his drink down the counter towards him. Inspecting the drink, it was a pink liquid, decorated with a wedge of peach dangling along the rim of the glass and one of those fancy little canary yellow cocktail umbrellas. Apart from the awesome tiny umbrella, everything else just screamed out wrong for the evil mastermind.

"A peach martini? Really?" Bakura held the glass to the light before slamming back onto the counter. "Do you expect me to completely destroy my liver with something as piss-weak as this…" He further questioned him by glancing at his name tag. "Jim?"

Giving him a simple shrug of the shoulders, 'Jim' responded in a way to not aggravate the furby in any manner. "It's the only drink priced at a pound-sixty."

"Very well…" He skulled the weak drink in one small gulp, pocketing the umbrella as he placed it down. "I don't need that tart of a doctor…" He began to rebuild his self esteem from the power of alcohol. An exhilarating feeling flooded his cold body with joy and happiness he had rarely felt in the past couple of years. Nothing in the world could bring him down from this high. Until he began to ponder on who he didn't need to worry about. "Nor that hand-obsessed unicorn… Or Bon Bon and her empathetic understanding of my pain with Marik… And Marik's cute little bottom… Where did my life go wrong?" He allowed streams of tears to freely run down his cold, pale face.

"Hey there, sexy. Are you alright?" A very alluring woman next to him in a purple dress said, placing a warm hand ever so slightly on Bakura's shoulder.

"No, I'm not alright!" Bakura continued to sob, rubbing away the stray tear rolling down his left cheek. "I see you're very attractive and quite interested in helping me, but I'm in the middle of trying to figure out how to redeem myself for ditching my friends by helping a single man in his twenties from killing himself… Could you come along with me for a couple of hours?"

At Mr Billany's Apartmant…

"What was there to live for?" He complained to himself in the mirror, soaking up his tears with a white towel that had a gold MB sewn into the fabric. Martin was at a low point of his life. His girlfriend recently dumped him, who he most likely would have been seeing for at least a month to have a meaningful relationship to break up from. There was nothing left for him to do in this world. If only there was a website where everyone could complain about how terrible their lives are.

Oh wait, that would just get filled up with whiny thirteen year olds who play first person shooters all year long. And isn't that what LiveBlog and MySpace is for anyway? I'm sure that there won't be another social media website that will do the exact same thing but differently somehow. It would probably be more of a nightmare to live with: All the countless, stupid things people will probably do is more than enough to kill yourself out of sheer anger.

That lone epiphany gave him an option to relieve himself of all this misery: Taking his own life.

Martin used to enjoy living before his love interest left him for a successful tanned businessman with a Spanish accent and a twirly mustache. Damn those twirly mustaches, they get the girls all the time. What happened to having a beard, or being clean shaven and attractive?

Anything he did reminded him of her: washing, shaving, reading manga, staying up late to watch all the classic 80's and 90's movies. She was always there in the forefront of his mind, plaguing his very existence.

Considering what resources he had in the gloomy, one room apartment, all he had to work with was a piece of rope. After two hours of trying to replicate a noose from Internet instructions, his masterpiece was finished. So it was a little out of shape… Okay, a lot out of shape, but it would still work. The only trouble left was finding a place to hang the noose up.

In that crucial moment of thinking where all good ideas are lost in an instant, the knock of his old oak wood door echoes soundly through the apartment.

Reluctantly sighing in defeat, Martin slowly drags himself to open up the front door for whatever salesman or religious preacher would lie behind that door. He just hoped that it wasn't the landlord. Oh please let it not be the landlord. "Can't a guy trying to kill himself get any peace and quiet around here!" Martin shouted out to whoever continued to loiter on his welcome mat. "Yes?" He said as the door swung open to reveal two completely differently dressed men and two differently coloured ponies.

"Hello," The hornless horse thing said. Wait a minute, that horse just talked! "I am a pony from the land of Equestria along with my marefriend here and her well-tanned human friend, Marik." She turned her head towards the man in the mesh shirt as the other horse thing with the horn just stared creepily at his hands for something.

"Hi." Marik raised his hand, allowing Martin's mind to ask itself repeatedly if Marik was a boy or a girl, seeing no clear indicator.

Adjusting his tie to draw the young man's attention towards him, the man in the suit stepped forward and introduced himself. "And I'm The Doctor."

"Doctor? Doctor Who?" Martin replied.

[I don't usually forget to update on time, but when I do I'm so sorry. At least this isn't like VG Cats or anything, right? These last couple of days have been an absolute nightmare revolving around bike pants and bright pink sweatbands. Don't ask why, what you need to know is that I'm still alive.

So, you expected everyone else to be in this chapter? Wrong! Thanks to the three week wait that will be crucial for the next chapter, the other two (three if you count the Big Bro House) sub plot scenes will have to wait for a while. Plus Pokémon X and Y scared me; they already made NSFW images of the new starters. Don't ask how I know that. It's all the Internet's fault stuff like this happens. Mostly 4Chan is responsible, and Reddit WTF to some extent.

Listen, should Chris, Saker and I do an audio reading of what has happened so far in VCG&M? Comment. Ask. Ridicule. Question. Point out grammar mistakes. Rebel against the unjust formatting. Burn all the witches. Go completely off topic and I wish you all well.

I am Morgie93:

Heartbroken, tired, and hardly getting any taller.]