Vengeance, Card Games and Magic

At the Big Brother House, Shadow Realm…

*Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzk!*

“This program is slightly delayed due to issues with the contestants. Please enjoy this special episode of ‘The Melvin Show’!

This New 4Kids classic that has been around since right now is fun for all the family! Starring Melvin, Discord, and Steve the Mime, as they try to live a normal life in the suburbs of Charleston. This week’s episode involves a cliché Thanksgiving episode where things get a little complicated with the in-laws at dinnertime. Also appearing in this holiday special are most of the contestants of Big Brother. Since I am a voice, I don't have an opinion. If I did, I'd say that it is sh*t. Enjoy!”

o/ Oh it’s the Melvin Show!

Starring me! I’m Melvin!

And I murdered all my guests!

They gave me bad reviews,

But we’re better than One Piece.

‘Cause it’s The Melvin Show!

Where everyone gets a hug!

And if you don’t want one,

I’ll just stab you in your sleep! o/

[(What the f*ck is Thanksgiving?) Honestly, I have no idea. All I do know is that it’s the day after Doctor Who premiered on TV, and Destiny Hope Cyrus’ birthday. Remind me if I ever time travel to prevent her birth on that day… Or kill any celebrity made popular by Disney. (Isn’t the 24th of November two days after the assassination of JFK?) You spelt Kentucky Fried Chicken with a J… What is wrong with you? And KFC was never assassinated; they killed themselves with outrageous pricing in the fast food industry. I mean, six dollars for a chicken burger? I need more than one lousy burger for that amount of money! At least they have Mountain Dew on tap. Mmmm, Mountain Dew… (You are one messed up c–)]

In the dining room of the Big Brother house, Melvin, wearing his favorite apron, was busily preparing Thanksgiving dinner for his new guests and Steve the Mime.

“I hope you all like meatloaf!” Melvin called out to the guests, bound to their chairs by ropes, struggling to escape.

Let’s see the contestants shall we?

Name: Princess Celestia

Screen Name: BananasFTW

Species: Alicorn

Age: At least over 9000

Sex: Definitely! (Female)

Weight: About a metric tonne (Too much cake.)

Height: Unknown (Curses, MLP Wiki!)

Occupation: Co-Ruler of Equestria, Controller of the Sun.

Info:

Pink, Green, Sea Blue, Indigo mane, deep violet eyes.

Is the older sister to Luna by… something.

Can raise the sun each day.

Enjoys eating cake.

Secret(s):

She is a diabetic.

Has been charged for molestation on many occasions.

Bleaches her coat from its usual shade of pink to white.

“Melvin!” Celestia scowled at the malevolent… cross-dressing murderer. “Even though we just met, we are mortal enemies for the rest of eternity. Also I’m a vegetarian.”

“Um… excuse me?” Another contestant asked Celestia.

Name: Anthony Rodríguez Saker

Screen Name: Sketch

Species: Lebracorn (Lebanese and Irish; don’t ask me how.)

Age: 15 years young.

Sex: Yes please! (Male)

Weight: 70ish kilograms

Height: 6’ 0”

Occupation: Space Captain, Avid Video Game Player

Info:

Brown hair, blue eyes.

BFF with Dr Hax

Plays Magic the Gathering.

Has collected all the Pokemans.

Speaks fluent Internet, Random Shouting, Random Noises, and Video Games

Secret:

Has cheat codes enabled for the game of life.

“HOW DARETH THOU SPEAKETH TO MINE OLDER SIBLING IN THINE MANNER?!!” Princess Luna shouted in her Royal Canterlot voice. “Oh, you were just asking a question. Sorry!” She blushed at the site of how cute Saker was.

Name: Princess Luna

Screen Name: Hot&Single

Species: Alicorn

Age: …Younger than Celestia?

Sex: Hmmm… maybe. (Female)

Weight: Definitely less than Celestia (By a lot.)

Height: Unknown

Occupation: Co-Ruler of Equestria, Controller of the Moon

Info:

Black and dark blue mane, medium blue eyes.

Younger sister to Celestia.

Left on the Moon for one thousand years.

Has the power to speak in Ye Olde English and in CAPS LOCK.

[DAMMIT! THE KEYBOARD IS STUCK ON ROYAL CANTERLOT MODE! DAMN YOU, LACK OF ORIGINALITY! AND YOU TOO, STEVE JOBS! WHY IS IT SO HARD TO CLEAN THE UNDERSIDE OF MAC LAPTOP KEYBOARDS?!? IT’S LIKE A STEEL CAGE OF TORMENT AND WIRES! JUST PERFECT! I GOT SOME BLOODY HUBBA BUBUBBA BUBBLEGUM UNDERNEATH THE STUPID, STUPID CAPS LOCK. CURSE YOU, CONFECTIONARY INDUSTRY! WHY COULDN’T IT BE ALT AND F4 THAT GOT BUBBLE GUM STUCK TO THEMSELVES? WHY?!! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA– Oh wait, I think I solved the problem. (NO YOU DIDN’T YOU NINCONPOOP! A NINCONPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!) Lincoln’s boobs? I’m pretty sure he’s a guy and not a girl. Then again, that shows how much I know about American history… And vampire hunters that abolish slavery, go to plays and get assassinated casually. Like a bawss. (FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU–)]

Secret:

Was molested by her older sister.

Has developed abandonment issues.

God-like gaming skills.

“Never made it as a wise man…” The remaining guest gurgled out in a drug-induced state. “I couldn’t cut it as a poor man stealing…”

Name: Christopher Monaghan

Screen Name: IAMAGOD!!! (obsidianreaper)

Species: God (actually Human)

Age: Eternity! (15 years old.)

Sex: Silly mortal, Gods don’t need sex. (Male)

Weight: Gods don’t weigh anything! (80ish kilograms)

Height: Gods can change their height! (5’ 11”)

Occupation: God things (???)

Info:

I am a god. (Blonde hair, greenish eyes)

Likes listening to Nickelback songs (Oh god… why? Also, it explains the picture. Go and google the band members for Nickelback. Or don't, I'll spare you the torment and the waste of all our precious time. It's Chad Kroeger. Yeah, I don't know who the f*ck he is either, but he's important... somehow.)

Secret:

I have none! (He isn’t a god)

“Fine then!” Melvin pouted, “If you don’t eat your meatloaf, you can’t have any pudding!”

“There’s no cake, therefore I won’t eat it!” Celestia snorted.

Luna was staring passionately into Saker’s eyes. “So,” She said in a romantic voice, “How are you?”

Saker, oblivious to the fact that he could get laid, said, “Hungry. I want my pudding now! ÁTbÎCRTHJFBÁTdÓ mtBrvˇÎ ƒ∫ˇVH∂ƒı†VH fYGFTHdrcU!”

“Enough with the Random Screaming and Shouting language!” Melvin waved a wooden spoon at Saker. “And no, there will be no Ferrari for New Hanukkah Baptist Day!”

“So close…”

“Now where is your father?” Melvin asked the contestants. “He must be late from work again.”

All of them gave …him a look that said “WHAAAAAAAAAAT?” Except for Chris, still trying to wake up from all the chloroform.

Just then, the door opened up to a figure in a suite and another shorter figure in pyjamas with a briefcase.

“Honey, I’m home for dinner!” Discord called out to Melvin, placing his top hat on the umbrella rack.

“Who’s your little friend here?” Melvin hugged Discord and gave him an affectionate kiss that caused Celestia to grin, Luna to turn away in disgust, Saker to not pay any interest and try to touch his nose with his tounge, and Chris began gurgling some more.

“*ahem* You were about to introduce me?” The pyjama-wearing contestant said impatiently.

Name: Thomas James Morgan

Screen Name: Morgie93

Species: Human

Age: Only 15 years old…

Sex: Male (Y U NO RESPOND LIKE OTHER CONTESTANTS?)

Height: 5’ 10”

Weight: 63kg

Occupation: Fan Fiction Writer

Info:

Dark brown hair, blue eyes

Subconscious has a mind of it’s own.

Frequent Yu-Gi-Oh player.

Is a Brony

Secrets:

Doesn’t have Facebook.

Can’t even remember what happens in the story.

Has no hope in getting laid [(Is that really a secret?) …I am not at liberty to say anything…]

“Morgie!” Saker shouted in joy. “Why are you wearing pyjamas?”

Celestia groaned in annoyance. “Great… He got you… Why am I not surprised?”

“Well excuuuuuuuuuse me, Princess!” Tom replied to Celestia’s complaint. “I decided to go with Discord on my own free will!”

“Just like I am allowed to put forks in the toaster in the bathtub!” Saker added on to the conversation.

“Yeah, what he said!” Luna contributed.

“Shut up, Lulu.” Celestia silenced her little sister, “Mommy, Daddy and Cousin It are talking.”

“You sound like Kaiba telling Mokuba to shut up…” Tom thought out loud. “Wait a minute… Potential sequel, check. Profit… still none.”

“Am I Cousin it or Uncle Fester?” Saker asked.

“Who said it had to be a sequel?” Discord said, enthralled in the possibility in more chaos for the writer.

“You’re right!” Melvin added on. “It could be a spin-off story! Like Capsule Monsters, and Code Geass Season 3.”

“Nah. You just killed it.” Tom threw away the idea. “I’ll just recycle the Mokuba and Seto jokes for them.”

“No Morgie!” Saker spoke in his usual loud voice, “Think of all the views you could get. You may become more popular than My Little Marik.”

“You fool!” Tom replied, “Everyone knows that story only became popular thanks to the Marik fans! I mean, look at all the Marik related fan fics on the Internet. All 157 pages of them… Of course it would have more views than us! It was only a matter of time before both fan bases merged!”

“Can we continue the story before Chris wakes up?”

“Okay, I have had enough of this madness.” Celestia broke out of her rope-bound imprisonment (that was not of her free will or involving sex) and fired a beam of magic at Melvin.

The crazed man just wickedly laughed. “Wah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! You seriously thing that could hurt me, whore biscuit?”

Raising his Millennium Rod up towards Celestia, Melvin braced himself. “Ancient Egyptian laser beams are useless against me. Lets see how the yellow squiggly lines react with you, shall we?”

“Quick!” Saker shouted at the princess in peril. “Use Chris as a human shield!”

“If today was your last d–wait, what?” Chris finally recovered slightly at the most inconvenient of times.

Before Chris could realise what he was getting into, the sun princess had already levitated his body in front of her, taking the wave of yellow squiggly lines directly.

“Gagh! The yellow squiggly lines, my one true weakness! How did you know?!” The human shield cried out as the squiggly lines burned into his flesh.

“All’s well that ends well for anyone who likes Nickelback.” Saker summed up the situation. "Because they are from Canada... And Canada is full of disappoint. Except for some of the most awesome voice actors ever, and maple syrup. At least the chloroform stopped him from feeling any pain."

"What chloroform? I was busy getting high on weed and listening to Nickelback songs."

Discord then addressed all the contestants. “Now, this isn’t normal Big Brother. You are allowed Internet access, computers, TV and anything else you desire. Instead of a diary room, you have a torture room, only to make the show much more interesting. All the challenges will be assigned at random intervals of time and may or may not result in imminent and painful deaths. Does anyone have a question they would like to ask?”

“I do.” Saker asked the draconequus.

Tom nudged his friend to advert his attention. “Don’t say anything stupid to piss him off.” He whispered softly so no one else could overhear.

“As I was saying, why the fuck is there a mime just sitting there for no reason?”

“Saker, what the hell are you on abo–"

Vengeance, Card Games and Magic:

So bad that it didn’t appear on Bad Fan Fic Friday… That may be good… Or bad… Meh, details.

Made by Morgie93; featuring Sketch and obsidianreaper

Two Plus Two Equals Five: Meeting, Shipping, Duelling, Foursome (Me Gusta)…

In the Great Wilderness…

Seto Kaiba and Trixie were walking alongside each other, navigating their way through the jungle foliage.

“…And that’s how I was defeated by Yugi for the 963, 284th time. Pretty hardcore, don’t you think?” Kaiba finished off his story.

“I don’t know…” Trixie finally spoke without using the third person on herself. “It sounds exactly like the 529, 403rd time you duelled him… and the 78th time.”

“Well excuse me for actually doing something in my life!”

“Hello pot, I’m kettle; we’re both black.” Trixie said.

Kaiba snorted in annoyance. “You’re lucky that you’re a unicorn. If anyone else made that reference one more time, I would have to kill them personally through hired thugs. I like unicorns.”

Trixie stared at Kaiba’s GPS. “Are we there yet?”

“No, this GPS is retarded. It keeps saying that we’re in traffic… and plans routes off cliffs to the moon. Stupid NavMan!” Kaiba shouted as he smashed the dodgy GPS into the ground. “I knew I should have gotten a TomTom! If we want to find them, they are just going to have to come to us!”

A giant plot-hole soon opened up in front of the two egomaniacs to reveal Yugi, Twilight and everyone else that disappeared in the earlier chapter. As the main cast of both shows got onto their feet/hooves, they confronted the anti-protagonists.

“Well that made more sense than Gattaca.” Twilight managed to speak after recovering from the dimensional portal. “Trixie.”

Trixie sneered at the lavender unicorn. “Twilight Sparkle.”

“Kaiba.” Yugi responded to his rival’s presence. “Why is your hair green?”

“Yugi Mutou,” Kaiba said, “Why are you so short? And… other Yugi? How is this possibe?!!”

Yami just groaned, “Gee,” He said sarcastically. “It’s like I was some ancient spirit living inside Yugi’s body for five bloody seasons. Oh wait, I was.”

“Yeah…” Kaiba went on, “How do you have a body of your own?”

“Don’t ask me; ask the writer. This fan-fic sounds just like Season 3 but instead of being written by proper writers, it is written by some lonely Australian boy in his mid teens.”

Kaiba was confused with this blasphemy. “Who?”

[Me! Remember… From Chapter One… With the part about you actually caring about Mokuba? …You weren’t caring about what I had to say, weren’t you?]

“See!” Yami shouted at Kaiba, “He’s right there!”

“Okay imaginary voice in my head:” Kaiba spoke to the sky. “What will it take you to rig this duel for me?”

[About four million Australian dollars. The idea of a duel between Kaiba and Yami is the pinnacle of original concepts and it will take me that much to reconsider.]

“So like, seven bucks?”

“Quit being a pussy Kaiba and duel me!” Yami distracted him from the writer’s off topic discussion.

“A magic duel?” Rarity said in confusion. “Are they wizards?”

“Stop being so Brirtish.” Tristan commented on her accent. “Are you asking to become the Bakura of your series?”

“Tristan, as usual, I cannot understand a word you just said in that stupid voice of yours.”

“Shut up you stupid limey!”

Rarity, not really offended by the insult, reassured him. “I am posh, not a lime or whatever you called me.”

“Trixie thinks you were a lime with green hair!” Trixie slipped back into the third person thing again.

“Hey!” Rainbow Dash obnoxiously shouted. “It’s that loser from episode six!”

“How fitting, it’s that dyke from nearly every single episode. What’s it like being replaced by a baby dragon?”

“Pegasus Rage!”

“Nyeh! That’s my catchphrase, nyeh!” Joey then took his dig at Kaiba. “ Hey, it’s the guy with the dragon fetish, the over-sized ego and under-sized penis who pushed me into that portal thing. I’m going to make your ego 20% smaller in 10 seconds flat!”

“Now you’re using my catchphrase!”

“Oh please,” Kaiba replied. “Coming from the blonde furry who wears a dog suit.”

“Um… what is a furry?” Fluttershy asked curiously.

“Don’t worry.” Said Serenity. “He just meant fury. Like the kind my brother and his friend has. Isn’t that right, big brother?”

“Really? I thought it was… oh never mind.”

[I think this fan fic crossed the line of acceptable sexual references. Ever since chapter 4, I might consider toning the story down… So the quality can improve… A lot.]

“No Mr Writer!” Tristan shouted out into the sky. “Think of the children reading this story! How else will they learn about sex like I did?”

Rainbow Dash just stared at him. “That explains so much, yet so little.”

“Rainbow Dash,” Pinkie asked in a naïve way. “What’s sex?”

“Well,” Twilight began giving a detailed and descriptive lecture. “Sex is the act of–“

“Twilight!?” Applejack interrupted her. “Do y’all want ‘nother Pinkie runnin’ ‘bout the place? We mus’n’t let her breed! ‘specally with that Tristan feller.”

“I’m a baby dragon and what are you talking about?” Spike looked confused about everything.

“Oh my god!” Kaiba said, “A real dragon! I have the biggest boner right now! I will duel you for this dragon, Mutou! Forget becoming King of Games, I want my very own dragon!”

“Hey! I have rights! You can’t gamble me away like some trading card!”

Yami ignored what Spike had to say and responded: “Silence you short, purple, reptilian slave! Okay Kaiba, you’ve got a deal! But if you lose, I get to rub it in as usual! Sounds like a fair trade?”

“What?!”

Seto Kaiba merely shrugged. “Kay, lets duel.”

“Yami!” Yugi cried out, “Kaiba’s my rival! How come you have to duel him?”

“Because I have the high ground.” Yami boasted. “Also you’re short. Even the ponies are taller than you! Luckily the purple midget is taking the fall for you if I do slip up… somehow.”

“I have a name! And it’s Spike!” The baby dragon barked at the Pharaoh.

“Cool story, but with me bagging out Kaiba, everyone will find the duel much more entertaining.”

[He’s right you know… Don’t worry, you still have more screen time than Bakura.]

Yugi went on whining. “You duelled in the tenth anniversary movie, you duelled in the Yu-Gi-Oh movie, and you took full control over my body half way through Season 4! Let me at Kaiba!”

“Were you forced to go on a date with Téa?” The ancient pharaoh asked Yugi.

“But I wanted to go on a date with her!”

“I don’t see what is so fun about singing Disney songs and being randomly attacked by birds. The brainwashing part was fun, but everything else was simply terrible with that obsessed girl.”

“At least you weren’t there for The Hunger Games craze! That was pure torture; do you know how many fan-fics she wrote pairing Peeta with Gale?”

“Could I possibly get my hooves on a few of those myself?” Twilight said, her cheeks blushing bright crimson.

“Too late, we’re already duelling!” Yami interrupted them. “That means I’ll be using your Duel Disk for this. Now hand it over!”

“Ever since I got the new update for it, the battery runs out the moment I turn it on.” Yugi complained about the dodgy duelling tool. He then directed his question to the creator of the device. “Kaiba, what did you do to them?”

“I made it so that everyone with the old model would be forced to by a new one every year until I get bored of making money.” Kaiba said with distaste and indifference. “Which will be never.”

“That’s criminal!” Joey protested the very idea of corporate greed. “It sounds like something Steve Jobs does to all of his Apple users.”

“So kill me; Jobs is already dead due to a ‘tumour’ I implanted into him. This means we either use this new D-Pad System I am beta testing or go without giant holographic monsters… And I will not take that as a no.”

“Maybe I could project the monsters using magic?” Twilight asked, trying to be helpful.

“Trixie also agrees to this idea.” Trixie stated. “Complex machinery is no match for the power of magic.”

“Magic, huh,” Seto thought out loud, “I would criticize the concept of magic being mumbo jumbo and insult the rip off card game Magic: The Gathering, but as long as there’s giant monsters, I’m in.”

≤You are clearly incorrect, Saker. The best game in the multiverse is Tic-Tac-Toe, and Pinkie is the second best at it, with me being the greatest.≥

[Both of you: Shut. Up. Now lets have a children’s card game. Also Duck, Duck, Goose beats any of those games every day.]

"Ah don't get it. Why in tarnation would y'all want t'play a filly's card game?" Applejack raised a question to Yami.

"It is our destiny to play card games for eternity, me and Kaiba." The once dead Egyptian Pharaoh said. "They solve all of life's problems may they be stealing a sandwich or preventing global catastrophes without all the environmental bullsh*t. Not to mention that there have been no card games in this storyline whatsoever. Seriously, this is just like Season Zero all over again: all substance, violence and out of character moments"

"Hey! The censor bleep is back online!" Tristan celebrated the return of the fabled sound. "It's been *bleep*ing ages since you have been here, you *bleep*ing son of a *bleep*!"

Yugi grew more weary of the unusual change. "Wait, why is it back all of a sudden? If you ask me, this is all way too coincidental and a dead giveaway to who the main villains are."

"But didn't that Shadi guy already tell us who the antagonists were?" Twilight actually bothered to think logically unlike anyone else.

"Stop bringing up things we can't explain!" Joey said. "Wait a minute… Are you a Spy?"

"You did it again!" Rainbow Dash called out again.

Fluttershy spoke in a voice that could easily be overpowered without any trouble. "Um… could I say something?"

{Now it’s time to guess who said what here. And it’s not that hard… I think?}

"Swagger."

“Duke!”

“Duke!”

"Parties!"

"Internet memes!"

"Dragon Leather Shoes!"

"Hey!"

"Southernisms."

"Books!"

"Speed!"

"Brooklyn!"

"Joey's hot sister!"

The butter yellow pegasus sighed. "Nevermind."

"Give the writer a break!” Tristan for no reason opened his mouth. “ It's not his fault that he has to have Mr T for moral support."

A convenient cut scene in the middle of nowhere…

"What is this My Little Pony reference all about, fool. This story is pathetic!"

"I'm so sorry Mr T! Please just watch the episodes, then you'll understand."

"Fool, I don't hit little girls that watch this kind if crap! I tell people to eat Snickers and be awesome, like me!"

"Just watch one episode, please? You know how unstable my imaginary self esteem is."

"Fine… only to pity the fool that you are."

Returning to the scene now…

"And that is how Mr. T became a Brony."

"Tristan…” Yugi asked his ‘friend’, “What the f*ck?"

Kaiba smirked once more before he spoke again. "Prepared for a long-winded due that will take about three weeks to finish?"

"You bet Kaiba, but I think you should have bribed him." The pharaoh commented on what was soon to happen.

"Why? Is he going to make me lose?"

"I'm sorry, but you're already doing a good job of that yourself. But he is going to either make us play the game properly or we just throw slanderous comments at each other with ridiculous arguments."

"I will not result to doing what they always do in the anime for about five episodes! I will defeat you this time!"

"You've got more of a chance beating me than Justin Bieber getting a boyfriend."

"We'll see about that! I–"

[Due to the fact that Kaiba is a massive prick (Irony!), I am thinking of releasing all of this duel next chapter, or as a 'bonus' chapter to explain plot holes and preoccupy myself with the lack of assignments. So now I present to you where Marik, Bakura, Lyra, and Bon Bon were left off. This is the kind way of saying: "New scene!"]

Fan Fiction Prison...

In the modified, and barely furbished 7’ by 7’ cell, where our unlikely heroes are being held captive by the firm hand of censorship, endorsed by the dreaded, newly established dubbing centre that was once thought to be destroyed: New 4Kids.

Within the four and a half square meter, dimly lit, grimy, concrete lined floor and walls, stood Marik Sebastian Ishtar the Third, grasping firmly onto the steel bars of the cell; Florence Bakura, curled up into a ball in the far left corner; Bon Bon just sitting down next to the human Furby (Bakura) with all four hooves covered; and lastly, Lyra Heartstrings laid back against the far wall of the cell in her trademark way.

“Get me out of here, you fools! I, Marik Ishtar order you to do so with the utmost haste!”

Bakura just glanced over to his pony neighbor and asked her: “Do you have any idea how we ended up like this?”

The cream colored pony gently shook her head side to side. “To be honest, I have no idea how we even met.”

“I know!” Lyra interrupted their special moment. “Let me explain the story to you... As a flashback!”

Flashback to a random elevator in Domino City… Yeah, just go with it…

After about twenty-seven minutes of just staring at each other, Bakura broke the awkward silence…

“Marik, are you seeing two ponies in metal slave bikinis that were making out?”

“That depends,” Marik replied, holding onto Bakura with both hands. “Does the green one look like it wants to rape us?”

“I believe so.”

Bon Bon looked back at her friend, who was in some sort of coma. “Lyra,” She asked the mint green unicorn. “Did they just…”

Inside Lyra’s mind, she tried to process all the excitement without her brain violently exploding, like this. Instead, she started babbling random nonsense.

{Disclaimer: If you try to say this without stopping, then you will most likely fail and pass out. Have fun!}

“Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! *insert an audible gasp here as though you were running out of air to breathe* “Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh. Oh my sweet Celestia of Equestria! They’re real! I told you! I bucking told you!”

“Help me, Bakura! It’s a talking pony that is an *eff*ing fan girl!!!” Marik shouted, as the unicorn suddenly got right up into his face with exciement.  “Run away while you still can!”

“You’re in an elevator, there is no escape.” Bon Bon said, in a matter of factly way.

“Oh joy," Bakura sarcastically commented. "If one of us turns out to be the devil, then I have had enough of this bloody vacation!"

"Heh, you and me too, huh?"

"I guess so." Bakura exchanged a neutral look at the cream coloured pony. "Who are you?"

"Well, I was supposed to be cosplaying as Princess Neigha, but Lyra over there stole my idea…" Bon Bon raised a hoof at the pair of idiots known as Lyra and Marik.

"Let me touch your mid-rift!" Lyra tried to lift the Egyptian's shirt off with her magic.

"Gagh!" Marik exclaimed in fear as he tried to keep his shirt on. [Gee, he must be having a harder time than Shark Boy in the Twilight Saga.] "Are you some horny fan girl?"

"Duh, I'm a unicorn! But yes I am extremely aroused and I want your body now."

"Remember what the song told you to do, Marik." He thought to himself in his head.

Stop, don't touch me there.

This is my private square.

R-A-P-E

Get your hands off of me.

It's RAPE

Stop, don't touch that place.

This is my private space.

R-A-P-E

Get your penis out of me.

It's RAPE

"Get your penis out of me!!!" He finally shouted out, only getting a disappointed glare from Bakura.

Looking back from the chaos within the elevator, Bon Bon made the first move. "I'm Bon Bon, and you are?"

Bakura remained cold and indifferent (which secretly, was turning Bon Bon on harder than Randy Savage turns on any woman alive) in his speech. "Just call me Bakura, everyone else seems to call me that."

"Hey Bakura," Marik called out to him, not sounding like he was molested this time. "Me and this unicorn are going to have sex. Why don't you and the other pony join in with us?"

"C'mon Bonnie!" Lyra tried to sway Bon Bon into doing it as well. "You and your fluffy kitty cat can have some fun instead of being sticks in the mud."

"I suppose so." Was all Bakura responded with.

[Gonna get kicked off the internet for this one. Still not meta.]

{This about to get freaky-deaky, so just play five seconds of these two Youtube clips at the current url time.}

"Oh yes!" Marik moaned as Lyra started to fondle with his *Bzzzzzzzzzzzk*

"Marik," Lyra panted. "Could you put your hands up my *Bzzzzzzzzzzzk*

"Have you ever been in a foursome before?" Bon Bon asked her new-found love interest.

"That depends," Bakura said, trying to catch his breath. "Because the last time I went in one, it was interrupted by–"

At the most inconvenient of all times, the soft *ping* of the elevator doors opened up to the sights of a man dressed in a police uniform with the BIGGEST PAIR OF EYEBROWS I'VE EVER SEEN!!!!! THOSE THINGS ARE MASSIVE!!! THAT'S ABOUT... A SEVENTH OF KAIBA'S EGO RIGHT THERE!!!

"Halt! Officer Trudge of the fan fiction police!" The officer calls out to the four background characters.

"Oh bugger." Bakura complained to himself.

Bon Bon sighed. "This guy again."

"You've met Officer Trudge before?"

"Yes I've seenses Ms Bon Bon and her non-canon girlfriend Lyra Heartstrings befores." Officer Trudge said on behalf of Bon Bon. "Theys did the sames as youse did in Neko Porno."

"Screw you!" The unicorn mare shouted back at the motorcycle-riding policeman. "Our color schemes were made for us to be paired together! But Trixie and Twi being out of character was a completely justifiable sentence."

Bon Bon justified her friend's brash statement. "Lyra believes that he isn't a human due to his monstrous eyebrows."

"I could have sworn he died in the anime but survived in the manga. Regardless, there is no way he could be in 5Ds and be still alive, unless he's a Highlander."

[The debate here is that Officer Trudge is somehow related to the character Ushio in the first issue of the manga and the first episode of Seazon Zero. Personally, I think there can be only one, and Ushio is clearly a Highlander. BECAUSE LITTLEKURIBOH SAID IT, IT MUST BE CANON!]

"Oh my god, look at the size of his eyebrows!" Marik said loudly and obnoxiously, pointing directly at Officer Trudge's eyebrows.

"It's as though he's the Highlander offspring of Martin Scorsese and Jennifer Connelly with those massive things…" Lyra side-tracked her hatred for the officer. "Now I can't stop thinking about Martin Scorsese and Jennifer Connley having sex."

"I don't know why, but that thought is giving me cravings."

"Look," Officer Trudge responded to the weird fascination with his eyebrows. "I don'ts know how you gots the impression of me beings a Highlander, but I takes serious offense to my parentses eyebrowses."

"Okay… So why are you arresting us for?" The cream coloured earth pony questioned Trudge. "You haven't proven anything!"

"Well the first charge is placed on the writer of this fan-fic, for repeat breakings of the fourth wall."

"Tell us more how we're involved, Ushio-San?" Bakura slyly commented.

"My nameses isn't Ushio. It's Officer Trudge!"

"Your reason for arresting us is more believable than Stephanie Meyer actually writing good books."

"Can we continue having sex?" Marik asked in an out-of-the-blue moment.

"Yeah, I'm bored." Lyra seconded the motion that the scene was going nowhere. "Kind of like the time where I changed your

voice as a joke several times during your voice cameos. Why don't I get speaking time?"

"That's legible for being canon!" Bon Bon raised a hoof at Officer Trudge. "It's more definitive than the stories regarding

Scootaloo's backstory, or the sexual orientation of the Mane Six. Except for Dashie, she's definitely a lesbian."

The officer of the fan-fic law smiled. "And that's strike three."

"And how exactly does that work?" Bon Bon gave a puzzled look.

Pulling out a pen and notepad, he read off the offenses. "One, youse insulted an officer ands his familieses; Two, youse were havings sex on public properties; And three, youse was makings fun of the most fan-fic centralized character ever. Now let's

goes down to the jailhouse."

"Come on! Just give us five more minutes!" Marik whined like a child.

"I didn't get to finish riding on Splash Mountain yet!" Lyra was hopefully referring to something else...

"Get out of the elevator and into the car!" Officer Trudge barked at them.

"I thought you drove a motorcycle, Mr Ushio-San?"

"Just shut up!"

"Right, because that's meant to be a good comeback."

"Shut up!"

"What are you going to do?" Bakura taunted the officer. "Send the Elite Beat Agents on me? Write a bad ship-fic of me and

Marik? Are you going to do something original?"

"I'm doings my job and youse better shut up abouts it or I wills emasculate youse right here."

Randomharpmusicfortheendoadreamsequence/flashbackthatisnon-exitsatntduetoalastminutebugthatdestroyedtheoriginalwhyudothistomecomputer?IhateyousomuchAAAAAAAAAA!

"...And that's what happened." Lyra finished off her extensive story.

Marik continued to rattle the iron bars keeping them in captivity "Get me out of here now! I really need to go pee-tinkle! Wait, never mind."

[For some strange reason, I imagine Bakura singing along to this song...

That was interesting... But the fan-fic police are after me. Please send some 'donations' to this Swiss bank account I have in Zurich. As long as I'm in the Shadow Realm/Big Brother House, they will never find me! Never!

But in all seriousness, I need to work somewhat harder to get the normal chapter posted on time because I have a school camp from the 14th to the 18th and then the 20th to the 23rd (All in September.) The chapter will be posted on the 26th as usual. I wish I was going to Armageddon, but that's in Melbourne which is too far away to drive. I miss out on seeing LK again! It sucks! Just because I had to visit Canberra (Australia's capital city. Otherwise known as a massive hole, literally and metaphorically.) last year.

If anything interesting happens, let me know of it immediately. No art works yet... But meh, this is quite indie with 400+ views.

Blasting off with more cliché endings,

Morgie93

P.S. BlackandWhiteDragons, if you're reading this, welcome to my fanfic! As for the rest of you, here's something funny I found after a random YouTube video session. Everyone thank StarswordIsCool for this video. Do it! I command you!]