Dead on Arrival

Gentle light woke me out of the gagging darkness. The bitter coldness replaced with warmth, and the agonizing pain was all but gone, but substituted by grogginess instead.

I opened my eyes to discover I wasn't in the creature's den anymore. I wasn't anywhere. As far as I could see, there was only white. My long pink mane floated into my field of view, so I stretched out a hoof to push it aside. I gazed down at my body to discover my legs floating aimlessly beneath me. I tried to paddle with them in this strange place, but to no avail as far as I could tell. I extended my wings and flapped them, trying to fly and hoping to gain some response that way. There was none. Not even the sensation of air filling them as I tried, either. I'm floating in a vacuum, and with no way of propelling myself, I'm helpless as well. Confusion and fear gripped my conscious, sore head. I craned my neck and widened my eyes in all directions, trying to find any deviations from the blinding pearl, my own mane being a frequent annoyance.

"Hello, Buttershy. Try not to panic. You're in safe hands now," A familiar voice rumbled through the nothingness.

"Princess Celestia? Where am I? Where are you? What is this place? What happened?" I pleaded for answers to her disembodied voice, fear penetrating my larynx.

"Yes, my little pony. I'm Celestial. You're in Heaven now, but that's okay. I'm here with you. Just be calm, everything's alright now," Celestia's voice continued to calm me. My panic ebbed, comfort and relief were taking hold. Until I realized something was off.

"Wait, Buttershy? Celestial? You're not Celestia! Who are you?!" I shouted to the void in my soft voice. Distrust and anger were taking their places in my tone, demanding an answer. It can't hurt me. It's just a voice.

The voice sighed. "Alright, ya got me. I'm not Celestia, but you are dead. You have my word there," It's voice morphed into that of a young stallion mid sentence. He sounded in his late teens or early twenties at most. My anger faded, and the discombobulation in my mind was slowly being resolved.

"So, um, could you answer my questions? I'd really appreciate it. Oh, and sorry for yelling," I asked it with sheepishness in my tone. I shouldn't have yelled. It was incredibly rude of me, regardless of the circumstances.

"It's alright, butters. After what you've been through, you deserve it. You're really in Heaven, but you ended up here just barely. I'm everywhere, and this place is sort of like a personal pocket dimension where I dump dead peeps for all eternity. That good enough for ya?" It explained.

"I'm dead? But how is that possible?" I asked. The thought of my own death sunk a hole in my gut, but the more I thought about what happened before I passed out, the more obvious it was.

"I dunno. You just did. Next time, don't jump into strange portals, 'kay, sweetie?" He taunted in a playful tone. I was still pretty confused. What did it mean by 'just barely' or that he's everywhere? I needed some more answers before I can trust this guy. But first I need to correct him on my name.

"Uh, just so you know my name is Fluttershy, and I still have a few more questions," I asked and corrected it.

"Shoot, but one at a time this way around, please. It's less confusing for the both of us."

"I get that I'm in Heaven, but what do you mean by 'just barely'?" I inquired.

"Oh, don't play coy. I know what you do with your turkeys when you read yer Playcolt. Luckily your innumerable acts of kindness just barely outnumber the horrific sex crimes," It answered. My face turned red as a tomato, my insides crumpled with embarrassment.

"H- How do you know about that!?" I squeaked quietly in mortification, my face exploding with red. I tried to curtain my face with my mane, but I couldn't get it to hide my shameful face with the usual facial gestures. It just floated where it pleased. In a tangled mess.

"I'm everywhere, remember? It's hard not to look when it's happening right in front of you. You are one sick puppy, you know that? Boy when your turkeys died it must've been a relief," It answered my question in disgust.

"What? You mean they died? Not them, too! How? Oh, my poor babies!" I begged for an explanation. I always made sure they were okay after I was done, I didn't know it was that bad! Why didn't they say anything? Tears were rapidly blobbing on my eyes, unable to escape them from the weightlessness. I covered my face with my hooves, crying. Losing Angel was more than enough grief for this mare for a lifetime. Angel! What about him?

"Where's Angel?!" I yelled in tears through my moist hooves.

"Yeah, Twilight and her buds stuffed 'em up with pool balls in a desperate attempt to reopen the portal to get ya. It was kind of a knee-jerk reaction, but I bet they were still surprised with how many they could fit in there. I mean, I know why they could, and you do too, but we already dealt with that. As with your bun, he was way too abusive with you to go unpunished. You wouldn't do it 'cause you're too much of a, what's the word? Pushover? So I did it instead. Yep, he's getting exactly what's coming to him." He answered my question. Sure Angel could get a little bratty at times, but he was just a child! I could never punish someone so innocent! And what's that about pool balls? Wait, who's going to take care of my animals! Oh my goodness they must be so worried! And hungry! What am I going to do!? Spike can't handle them all by himself! This is all too much to take in, I need a minute to process all this!

"This- this is all too much to take in, I need a minute to process all this!" I cried to the voice, gasping in-between sobs. I curled into a ball, sobbing intensely. My mane and tail floated freely around me, tears blobbed on my face and soaked my hooves. I cried loudly, bawling and gasping.

"Take your time," It tried to comfort me.

I spent what seemed like ages mulling over my situation, all the while curled up in the fetal position, sobbing all the way. I cried for Angel, I cried for those poor turkeys I abused and their terrible undeserved deaths, I cried for my animals that I abandoned to starve, my friends of whom I will never see again, and I cried for myself. How I got myself killed. If only I tried a little harder I wouldn't be here. I would've found the portal and I'd be back with my friends, at Angel's funeral...

No! I can't let myself crack! Not now of all times. I need to ask him if there's any way I can get back home. I have to let my friends know I'm okay, and to get somepony good with animals to take care of the cottage while I'm gone. And not to look in the cellar. Oh, what's his name again? Goodness! I forgot to ask him his name!

"Yeah, I mean... just, uh. Take your time to orient yourself or whatever," the voice said awkwardly. I uncurled myself, drying my eyes with my hooves.

"Sorry, I don't think I caught your name, mister?" I asked, breathing deeply and eyes bloodshot.

"Oh, uh ... 42. Are you okay?"

"42? That's an interesting name. Do you know if there's a way back home from here?" I said, my eyes still red and voice recovering. I wiped the last of the tears from my eyes with my soaked hooves.

"Sure, but I don't think that's a very good idea."

"Why not?"

"Well, let me just show you," A black, bit-sized ring appeared in front of me. It exploded in size, about the size of Twilight's portal, but much clearer instead of the purple glass. It was like looking through an open door.

Through the portal was me, or more accurately my body, lying in somepony else's bathtub. Bathing in blood red water. My body looked contorted in unnatural positions beneath the murky crimson water. My mouth gaping, mane tangled and messy, tail stained red with what I could assume was my own blood, and most disturbingly, one eye was closed, but the other was open in a grotesque wink. Dead and cloudy, staring right back at -- and through me. I started feeling faint, my head feeling light as air, eyes flickering and taking short breaths, I passed out. Only for a few seconds. I'm no stranger to fainting, I do it all the time, so I recovered quickly and averted my eyes to my repulsive counterpart. I asked 42, nausea swelling in my stomach, "Is- Is that me?"

"Yep. You see, you died for a reason. If I shoot ya back in your bod, you'll die again before you can say 'hello, world!'. This dimension that you've let yourself into just can't support pony life, so pffft! Ya died. It was actually pretty sad seeing you struggle. Pathetic, not to mean any offence. But hey, make rash, get trashed. Make rash decisions, I mean. That portal you jumped through crumpled shut after Angel smashed right through it. He was pretty lucky compared to you. He had a massive aneurysm and it burst like a balloon when he smashed through. But you, oh boy, it was like watching a chicken running around with its head cut off. There were a couple reasons to why you died, you wanna hear em?"

"Uh, not really," A sinking feeling took over and the nausea grew in virulence. Knowing that through all the struggles I made to get myself back were in vain. "Why am I in the bathtub?" I asked 42. It seemed like all the effort I expended to keep it from eating me were also in vain. Now my body's stewing in my own blood to be this thing's dinner. Fluttershy soup. I always wanted my remains to be fed to animals, so it's like I could keep taking care of them even after I'm gone, but I wanted them to be my animals! Not some inter-dimensional ... thing! "Is he going to eat me?" I asked nervously, biting my hooves. They tasted salty.

"Oh, no. He did that so you wouldn't rot as fast. The water's bloody because he, uh, broke your leg," 42 elaborated. A weight left my chest in relief.

"Well it's good to know that I'm not going to be anypony's dinner, but why did he break my old leg?"

"Yeah that doesn't matter, but don't worry. You're in good hands. Your undertaker is a big fan, and your friends are trying as hard as they can to retrieve your, uh, remains," The portal snapped closed in an instant; banishing the horrific puppet of myself back to the whiteness it came from.

"Oh, thank goodness," I noted what he said about my friends trying to get me back, and I'm happy that they haven't given up on me in my time of need. I just wish I could tell them that I'm gone and to stop trying. I'm not worth the effort anymore, there's nothing to save. Wait what was that he said about being a big fan? "What do you mean by 'big fan'?" I remembered the poster I saw in the creature's den. The one with me and my friends on it. "How does he know me? Or my friends for that matter?"

"Oh, yeah. This is a little awkward. How do I put this in a way you'd understand? You and your friends are characters in a really popular, uh, book series. Yeah," the revelation made me anxious with self consciousness.

"You mean they know me? How much do they know, exactly? How much does he know?" I asked nervously. Knowing that the creatures in this universe could know so much about my life made me cringe in embarrassment.

"Enough for you to be a fan favourite, and specifically his. And don't worry, they don't know about your, er, 'nighttime hobbies'. But they know all your adventures you've been on, that you're an animal caretaker, you're scared of dragons, you have- er- had a pet bunny named Angel, you lived in a cottage, et-cetera et-cetera. They also know your friends, too," A question rose in my mind.

"If I'm just a book character there, then how do they know what I look like?" I knew it was a stupid question the moment I asked it.

"Erm, author's rendition. Hey, you wanna see your new caretaker? He tried his best to fix you up. He even tried to save you while you were lying dead in his bed."

"Uh, okay..." The portal snapped open, and I saw the creature I thought was my greatest enemy. He was in his bedroom, the one I was trapped in. It looks like I left quite a mess in my struggle. There was pee and poo all over his bed-sheets, and a dried pool of blood in the top left corner of the room that he was mopping up with some paper towels and something in a spray bottle, just under the poster. His room was adorned with many things I didn't understand. There were shelves with pictures of what I assume to be family members, awards, and a few stuffed animals of me and my friends, but mostly me, and posters with images of the same that say 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic' on them. There were so many questions I had. How did the creator of the book series know about me? Were the books accurate?

I saw his bed, of which I passed in. The covers were thrown almost completely off. They were white with blue horizontal stripes and the pillows were brown with darker shades crisscrossing them. The sheets that I, um, relieved myself in, were off white with vertical alternating stripes of light and dark brown with a gush of brown feces and dark splotch of pee next to it. Across from the bed was a wooden dresser that had a thin but wide black rectangle on a matching stand resting on top of it with a plastic statue of me resting next to it. There was a rectangular light blue rug on the bed's right side, but not the left, as the bed was pushed up against the top right corner of the room. The door was next to the dresser's left side, so the first thing you'd see when you came in was the blood. It's strange to think that all that time I spent panicking to find the door, it was right there, and that it never would've helped me anyway.

But was most interesting was the creature. He was unlike most things I've seen before. There were a few chimpanzees that look a little bit like him in the Canterlot Gardens, but he was something special. He was roughly six feet tall, about two higher than me. He was crouched on two legs and wore blue pyjama pants and a white undershirt. He was bending down back towards me, cleaning up what had to be Angel's blood, or possibly mine, on the wooden floor. He didn't have any coat, but he did have a brown mane right on the top of his head and, compared to the chimpanzees, smaller ears as well. It was crouching down, muttering angry things to itself while it mopped up Angel's mess.

Poor Angel. I'm really grateful that this stallion, or ape-thing, took the time to take care of my body and not just eat it or throw it away. Without warning, it suddenly turned around and I saw its face look right me. I jumped and tried to cover my face with my wings.

"Can he see us?" I whispered to 42. There's no use asking, because of course he can. I parted my wings from my eyes slightly, enough to see that he's looking right into my eyes extremely curiously.

"Nah. This portal's like a near perfect two-way mirror.  We can see him, he can't see us. He's probably looking at a bug or something," 42 answered. I folded my wings back at my sides, a little embarrassed.

"Oh..." I whimpered. The creature looked strange, but not unlike a monkey or chimp. His face was notably flatter than any ape I've ever seen. With smooth, fair skin, short nose, brown eyebrows, pink lips, and deep brown eyes brimming with intelligence. He looked a little frustrated. I can understand why. I certainly wouldn't want to clean up a mess as big as this, not that I would mind.

To think this creature was the thing I was so terrified of was silly with hindsight, but at the time I think it was okay to be scared.

"That's him? What's their name?"

"Yep, that's him. His name's Matt."

"A Matt? That's a weird name for a type of animal." I inquired, puzzled yet a little bit excited. It's always a rush to see a new animal, even if it is at the other side of an interdimensional portal. I've heard of some silly animal names before, but nothing like that. Why would you name a species of animal after a floor furnishing? Or maybe it's the other way around.

"Oh, no. His name is Matt. He's a human," 42 corrected.

"A Human? What're they like?" I asked giddily.

"Well, that's kind of a tricky question," 42 responded.

"Are they kind and gentle? Loving and caring?" I asked again with the same giddiness as before. Holding my hooves up to my heart, smiling sweetly.

"Uh, a lot of them are..."

"What do you mean? You mean they're mean and nasty?" I pondered to him, my voice losing its sweet tone for a more concerned one. I lifted a hoof to my mouth in worry, my eyes reflecting the same, and letting my spare leg dangle with the other two.

"Well they don't have the most peaceful track record, but this one's cool, I promise."

"Oh, well that's a relief! But are they?"

"Like I said, a lot of them are. Humans, or people, are a mixed bag, mostly. You got mostly really nice people, and you got a few really sucky ones. But the thing is they all have reasons for being like that, you dig? They're not like you, where ponies are on the whole kind and lovey-dovey 'cause they were born that way until some factor acts on them. That factors a little bit into people, but not quite so much. It's more about how they were raised and where they went to school and stuff. But I can't make these generalizations, since no two humans are alike. One's always going to find different solutions to different problems, or something like that. They all think differently, like you. They got aspirations."

"Oh that's so wonderfully wonderful! Are there a lot of these people? Where do they live? What do they eat? How do they sleep? Oh! What about-"

"Jeez, lady. Hold your horses. Heh, horses. Remember our 'one at a time' rule?"

"Oh, right," I hushed my racing mind when an image of my friends shot through my mind. Staring at my new caregiver, I asked the question that mattered most to me, "Can I see my friends?"

"Of course," The portal snapped closed and reopened in an instant. They were in what looked like the Canterlot library, studying intensely.

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