Dan Vs... Stuff

by neorenamon

"Those don't like like Keebler elves to me!" said Mordecai as he protectively clutched Margaret and kept her away from the strange beings confronting them.

"Well they better have some cookies," growled Dan, "I'm still hungry from this morning!"

The thin limbed human leaned over to the orange dog and said, "What's a Keebler elf and why does he think we have cookies?"

"I don't know, dude," he replied, "I've never heard of them, but I guess I haven't met every kind of elf there is. Besides, who doesn't like cookies? Maybe where they come from, everyone keeps a stock of cookies in their house."

"Naega jib-e gajigoissneun geoscheoleom eojjeomyeon geudeul-eun mujigae kukileul?" asked the rainbow unicorn.

"Rainbow cookies? Oh that's a good one, sweetie."

"Hey!" shouted Dan, "I don't speak fortune cookie!"

"Hey!" replied the dog, "Are you disrespecting my girl?!"

"That's a girl?!" he asked as he blinked, "A rainbow tube sausage?!"

"Oh, that tears it!" he growled back, "I'm gonna rip you a new one!" His body stretching like silly putty as he wrapped himself around Dan.

"Get away from me, you freak!"

"Jake!" called the boy, "Calm down! This might just be a misunderstanding!"

"Bunmyeonghi i jeongsinjeog-eulo yeoldeunghan saengmul-eun geuga malhaneun mueos-eul algo haji anhseubnida."

"I still can't let this jerk talk down on you like that!" replied as he started headbutting Dan.

"OW!!" yelped Dan.

"Fight! FIght! Fight!" said Rigby.

Jake began to glow as he was pulled off Dan. They could see that Twilight's horn was glowing the same color as the dog.

"Please stop this!" she pleaded, "We're not here to fight!" Then she paused to look at Dan and added, "Well most of us aren't."

"Whoa!" said the boy, "That must be some crazy magic you got there!"

"Naneun-i saengmul lokeol-i anin geollil?"

"I kinda doubt that too," said Jake.

"I suggest everyone just calm down and start over," replied Twilight, "My name is Princess Twilight Sparkle and I'm originally from the land of Equestria." She indicated aside to the pink fluff as she said, "This one is Fluffle Puff." Pointing to the Changeling Queen, she said, "This one is Queen Chrysalis, the Queen of the Changelings... semi-retired at this point." She looked about and pointed at another as she said, "And this is Starlight Glimmer, my new student of friendship." Then she glanced at Dan as she added, "And this is Dan. He's a jerk and he's from a place called Earth."

"My name is Mordecai," said the tall blue jay, and then pointed at the robin as he said, "and this one is Margaret." He finally pointed to the raccoon and said, "And this is my buddy Rigby."

"Oh, well my name is Finn the Human," replied the thin limbed kid, and pointed to the dog as he said, "This is my best bud, Jake the Dog." Then he pointed at the rainbow unicorn as he added, "And this is Lady Rainicorn, the... uh... Rainicorn."

"String bean limbs over there is human?!" asked Dan.

"And what the heck are you?!" asked Jake.

"I'M HUMAN!!" he replied as he flexed his somewhat weak arms, "100% all beef human!!"

"What's beef?" asked Finn quietly of his dog friend.

"I think that's what they ate before the great mushroom war," replied Jake.

"I guess that kinda makes sense since Rainicorns used to eat us humans."

"WHAT?!" interrupted Dan.

"Ulineun deo isang ingan-eul meogji anhneunda," said Lady Rainicorn, "Geunyang gajja ingan-ui gogi."

"I still think that fake human meat is pretty awesome," said Jake.

"It's still kinda freaky," added Finn, "but I guess humans do taste kinda good."

"FAKE HUMAN MEAT?!"

"They had to switch to that because... well..." said Jake, "Finn here is about the last human there is left."

"Well no one is eating ME!!"

"So how did you folk wind up here on my doorstep?" asked the dog.

"It's kinda complicated," said Twilight, "but involves a relic, a dimensional vortex and a magical comic book."

"That sure sounds complicated to me," replied Finn.

"I wish I could do more to fix things," sighed Starlight.

"Jake ui salang?" said the rainicorn, "Wae nae sonnim eul chodae haji?"

Jake glanced back as he said, "Where are my manners?! Invite them to come in, Finn."

"Sure," he replied, "I can't promise enough food for everyone, but feel free to ask." He gestured towards the open door and waited until everyone else was inside before he followed.

"What?!" asked Dan as he looked around and saw a game device standing on one of the tables, "What kind of freaky Gameboy has arms and legs?!"

"I am not a game boy," replied the device, "I am Beemo."

"It talks too?!"

"Hey Beemo!" said Fin, "How's it going?"

"I am well, Finn. Thank you for asking."

"How many games does he have?!" asked Dan.

"I have dozens of games," it replied, "but Finn is still currently not finished with Guardians of Sunshine. Besides, I do not like lending my services to people I do not know."

"Great! A game player with an attitude!"

"Dan!" said Twilight, "You shouldn't mess with other people's stuff. It's not nice."

Fluffle gasped at the sight of Lady Rainicorn and bounced around the room until she landed on her head.

"I isanghan saengmul-eun mueos-eulhago issseubnikka?"

"Huh?" asked Jake, "I don't know what that pink fluff thing is up to."

"Oh," said Chrissy, "She thinks Lady Rainicorn is the prettiest mare she's ever seen. I think she wants to play... or something."

Lady Rainicorn blushed a little when she realized what was said about her.

"Well it's true!" agreed Jake, "You are awesome beautiful, sweetie!"

"O Jake, dangsin-eun naleul bukkeuleobge mandeulgoissda," she said as she blushed even more.

"There's no one more beautiful to me than you," said Mordecai to Margaret. She blushed as Rigby stuck his finger in his mouth and made a gagging gesture.

"I had no idea," she replied.

"That's because I have trouble approaching someone... as unbelievably gorgeous as you," he replied as he looked down.

"Are there any magic experts in this world?" asked Twilight.

"I can think of a few," said Jake, "but most of them like the Magic Man and Ice King are jerks. I wouldn't trust them."

"What's wrong with them?"

"They're both selfish, scheming and only look out for themselves," he replied, "Asking them for help would surely cost way too much."

"What about PB and her sciency stuff?!" asked Finn.

"Princess Bubblegum?" replied Jake, "I guess it wouldn't hurt to see if she could help you. She's a wise and noble Princess who likes to help those who are in need."

"It's a little late in the day to go see her now," said Finn as he looked out the window, "I guess we can go see her in the morning though."

"Do you have any spare clothes?" asked Mordecai.

"For who?"

"For me," replied Margaret as she looked down, "I'm not used... to parading around naked like this."

"You can try some of my stuff," replied Finn, "but I have no idea how good it's going to fit."

"Thanks dude," replied Mordecai.

"Hey!" said Jake as he looked at Lady Rainicorn, "My sweetie makes a mean Shin Ramyun! I'm sure she can make enough for all of us!"

"O Jake," she replied as she blushed again, "Dangsin-eun naleul dasi hongdangmu hago issseubnida."

They all went to the kitchen area and the living room while Lady Rainicorn cooked up a big pot of spicy noodles and a nice big pot of tea to go along with it.

Jake leaned close to her ear and said softly, "Don't forget to add the special ingredient."

She nodded as she drained the water and dumped in a small bucket of gray goo. Then she went back to stirring it up. She then portioned it out to bowls. Enough to feed everyone. Jake spread the bowls around and they all dug in. After a while, Twilight started looking a little queasy. Then she suddenly got up and ran out the front door.

The Puff gasp as Chrissy watched her go.

"I guess she isn't taking this so well," commented the Changeling Queen.

She ran outside and began spewing into a nearby bush.

"Hey!" called a voice, "That's not very nice!"

After she was done puking, she turned to see some humanoid man with a massive white beard and mustache.

Then he looked at her more closely before he added, "Wait a minute. I've never seen you around here before. I'm the Ice King."

"Oh," she replied as she stood up, "I'm so sorry. Princess Twilight Sparkle at your service."

"What now?!" he asked.

"I said I'm..."

He pointed a finger at her as an ice ray almost instantly encased her hands, feet, mouth and horn in ice. Then he grabbed her and flew off as he flapped his beard like wings. Just then, Finn and Jake burst out.

"Princess Twilight?!" said Finn as he looked around.

Jake pointed as he said, "It's the Ice King and he's grabbed Twilight!"

"ICE KING!!"

"What's going on?!" asked Chrissy as she and the Puff ran out after them.

"Ice King just kidnapped Twilight!" said Finn.

"Yeah," agreed Jake, "Kidnapping Princesses is his... thing."

"Ulineun han beon-e geunyeoleul guchul haeyahabnida," said Lady Rainicorn from inside.

Starlight and the others were looking out the door past the rainicorn.

"If that jerk thinks he can handle a Princess," snarled Chrissy, "he's going to be so sorry that he messed with a QUEEN!"

"I haven't done anything!" protested Dan.