Location: Residential Safehouse, Edge of Ponyville, Equestria, Equus

Time: 7:30 BN (Before Noon)

Date: 27 Sechortas 1002 A.B.

‘HOLY FUCKSHIT, WHY ARE MY INSIDES ON FIRE AND WHO DO I HAVE TO BLOW TO MAKE IT STOP?!’ was the first thought that occurred to Samael as he rolled around in his bed, feeling as though someone were using a white-hot hydraulic press on his very core. He grit his teeth as he rolled out of bed onto the floor of his bedroom with a thud, tangled in his sheets. He began his meditative breathing exercises to calm his frayed nerves, ‘Fucking hell, am I actually nostalgic for being shot close to death over whatever this nonsense is?’

His training to use mind over matter to ignore and/or mitigate his pain kicked in, his breathing slowing from painful hyperventilation to an uneasy slow pant. Standing up, his eyes shot to the red bulb in his room connected to his alarms and sighed with relief at how it remained unlit. But then, how was this happening? Quite a few poisons could trigger such a reaction, but he was certain he had been safe the previous day even when he had spent time with Moir—Lindsay, he reminded himself.

Samael shrugged off his concerns for the moment as the pain seemed to be very slowly fading and chose to take the day as it came instead, opening his bedroom closet. He fought back a very unmanly whimper as even his muscles ached with each movement. Remembering that that Sid fellow would meet him this morning, he very carefully changed into a plain dark navy blue t-shirt with a white undershirt, black pants, and a pair of black military-surplus combat boots to avoid agitating his pained muscles too much. Of course, it was quite a chore to slip on the ballistic vest underneath the t-shirt, but sacrifices had to be made for the sake of paranoia.

Speaking of paranoia, he stopped in front of what appeared to be a blank stretch of wall and with a practiced hand, pulled aside a panel revealing an electronic lock. The blank stretch of wall slid open smoothly with some manual assistance after inputting the key, revealing a very large room with shelves and racks of all sorts of black market weapons. Methodically, he looked all around before stopping at a footlocker at one edge of the room.

‘This should do nicely just in case Sid tries to start shit,’ he thought as he bit back another whimper to bend down and unlock it, ‘Getting easier to move now. Good. I’ll need full movement if that’s the case.’

He pulled open the case to reveal no small number of flashbangs he picked up from a crooked SWAT officer who had been looking to make some extra off-the-books money to feed some odd habits. Hooking two on the back of his belt, he let out an inaudible groan as the front door buzzed rhythmically, ‘Shave and a haircut? Classy. Be right there, asshole.’

Straightening up quickly with a low groan of pain at the sudden movement, he closed the footlocker. As quickly as he could in his sore state, he made his way out of the room, grabbing a balisong knife, some piano wire, and a pair of SAP gloves as he went. After all, he didn’t want get any questionable bullet holes in his walls or accidentally shoot out a window. As he closed off his gun room and the panel to the keypad, he groaned in frustration as the pain continued to take its sweet time in ebbing away.

Tucking the knife into his pocket and the piano wire into his belt, he made his way downstairs to his living room and he was halfway through pulling his gloves on when he just had to stop and gawk, his mouth agape in sheer surprise. There, sitting in the assassin’s favorite recliner without a care in the world, was Sid with that damnable crooked smile on his face.

“Easy there, Sammy boy, if you don’t close your mouth even a little bit, it may drop off,” chuckled Sid as he swirled a glass of chocolate milk around leisurely.

Samael reflexively looked toward the ceiling in the hall of the second floor where one of his alarms was still resolutely dim before eyeing the other man with naked suspicion, “I will admit. You are pretty clever and resourceful if you can shut off my alarm, but I’m not going to stand here and say that I like it.”

“Who said I turned it off?” Sid grinned as confusion overtook Samael’s features and then eyed him curiously, “I will admit, I’m surprised you’re even up and about right now. Just goes to show what a grand mixture stubbornness and willpower make...Oh, don’t be that way!” His tone took on a slightly scolding timber as he watched the assassin jump to the bottom of the stairs to take on a boxing stance, “I can see how much that move hurt, but magical shock is no joke, mister.”

“I...What...Magical. Shock?” Samael dropped his stance as he eyed the other man with total disbelief, “Are you fucking trying to tell me that what I signed wasn’t actually full of euphemisms?! Mind, I get it all the time because such agreements have to be purposefully muddled in case authorities get involved, but are you fucking insane?! All that shit about magic and ponies a-and griffins wasn’t just fucking code for I don’t even know—”

With each word, Sid’s smile grew and grew until he finally knocked back the chocolate milk, only the glass seemed to disappear down his gullet and the milk remained, “A classic, but effective in showing you that I’m a man of my word...Or rather…” He turned on the spot, his form warping into that of his Draconequus form, “A Draconequus of my word. Allow me to properly introduce myself. I am Discord, spirit of Chaos, pleased to meet you.“ He waved the chocolate milk away with a squeak before bowing his serpentine body toward the now stunned assassin.

“I...You...Dracowha...That...Love...Hate...Clouds,” sputtered Samael before he finally took several calming breaths and considered his situation. The pain still present in his body indicated a lack of dreaming, the clarity of mind regarding the rest of his surroundings hopefully indicated a lack of a psychotic break, and the fact that the creature now in front of him bore a few similarities between this new form and the old one indicated that if he were actually insane, he was pretty damn lucid and consistent about it. So, why not go along with his newfound insanity if that were the case?

No harm in it, really, and there could only be more harm done in panic, so stoicism it would be, “Alright...Fine, I’ll go along with this for the time being. Am I right to assume that my job is literally what I read it to be? What was it again? Refresh my memory.”

Discord laughed heartily as he could practically and quite literally read the thoughts and emotions Samael just went through, “Oh, it’ll be a job you’ll want to do, my friend, and as I said, my payment is freedom for you AND your assistant. What higher pay could you ask for?...Well, they do have currency here, buuuut I’m sure you’ll be able to get that on your own without my assistance.”

With that, Discord turned himself into a large spinning golden coin with his face on both sides to emphasize his point before continuing, “Well, there’s a problem here with a few griffin extremists terrorizing innocent civilians of varying species just trying to live their lives without being shot down and eaten.”

Samael had to raise an eyebrow at not only this strange being’s antics, but the implications of what he just heard, “Civilians? What the fuck is wrong with them? That just isn’t right.” He shook his head with a grimace, “I mean, I’m all for killing someone if they’ve done some shit to deserve it, but to fill my belly? I’d have to be starving to even consider it.”

The Discord coin disappeared, only for Discord to reappear lounging on the nearby couch, “Oh, I agree wholeheartedly with that sentiment. Even when I wanted to rule with chaos, I wasn’t that bad! But that’s only part of the problem, amigo. Remember when I said that the guilty party involved stole your collector’s items?”

“I, uh, yeah. I do remember. How the fuck did they do that, by the way?” Samael decided to let himself sink into the recliner Discord had abandoned, wincing as pain shot through his body at the renewed movement, “AND WHY DO I FUCKING FEEL LIKE THIS AND HOW DO I STOP IT?!”

“Oh, it’ll go away eventually. It’s just your body absorbing and adapting to a force it’s never been in contact with before. I guarantee you’ll feel better than ever once it’s done,” giving the assassin a reassuring grin, Discord giddily made a mental note that he didn’t seem to even react to the wanting to rule comment, “As for how those griffins did it, well, I take very, VERY partial blame for it. I’ll keep this as simple as possible: A very, very long time ago, I invented a rather tricky spell. When a new spell is invented, even one of mine, it weaves itself into the magic surrounding this planet, which allows any being with the know-how and fortitude to cast it.”

Discord held up his lion’s paw where a big yellow ball labelled with the letter A formed and his talon where a big red square with the letter B formed, “Let’s say that World A here has a neat little trinket that I desire. Whether it be for a gag, a joke, to eat, or to keep,“ a piece of the A broke off and floated over to stick itself to the B, “the spell takes it and makes it available to me. Of course, since I know the complete ins and outs of the spell’s mechanics, I can control it best and even trace the object back to where it came. In fact, I used that spell to bring you and all your amenities over here. You’re welcome, by the way. It wasn’t easy making your plumbing compatible with this town’s and it’s a good thing you had those solar panels on your roof for me to buff up or you’d be drawing more power than a quarter of their largest city.”

At a mumbled expression of gratitude from Samael, Discord continued, “Now, I don’t where those griffins learned my spell, I don’t know why they used it specifically, I was not involved in any way except for the initial creation of the spell. I merely found the original objects they stole from you, traced it back to your world, and even found the intended owner. And here you are, ready to work! Of course,” Discord’s voice dropped to a warning tone, “you will have to tread carefully here. At least for a while, let the others here get used to you. They’re a little...Hmm...Skittish, I would say.”

“How carefully? Be a little more specific.” Samael squirmed around in his seat a bit as the pain flared up briefly before finally beginning to truly dull.

“Hmm, let’s see. Well, you’re on the edge of a peaceful little hamlet called Ponyville,” Discord was cut off by a snort of mirth from the assassin, “Oh, I know, but I know for a fact that there’s actually a Humansville where you come from, not to mention Manhattan and many other places, so don’t act like a bastion of creativity. Now, if I can continue. The majority of inhabitants of this town are what are known as ponies. I know what that sounds like to you, but it’s not what you think. They walk on two legs just like you, they talk just like you if a great deal less foul-mouthed, and...Well, better keep that a surprise...BUT! Suffice to say, they are much like humans in a number of ways, but they tend to be less...Confrontational than humanity. As a whole.”

“And uh...The griffins? I’d like to know what I’ll be potentially facing here.” Samael ignored the pout Discord gave off as it seemed that he wanted to say more.

“Oh, very well. Let’s see now. Well, I know that humanity has myths about griffins and such, so pretty much those, but again, bipedal, talking, et cetera. Only…” Discord motioned for the man to stand and as soon as he was standing straight up, Discord floated toward the man before turning himself into what would be considered an average griffin, “I neglected to mention that most ponies would be considered a ‘normal’ height for humans like you, but as you can see, griffins…”

Samael’s eyes widened as he took in the behemoth standing in front of him. He was only very slightly below average height at five foot seven, but even if he had been six feet tall, the “griffin” in front of him would still tower over him at what he estimated to be at the VERY least seven foot eight, “Well, that’s...That’s going to guarantee fun times for me in the future. Guess I better get used to aiming high.” He dropped back down into his recliner as his mind reeled momentarily, but pulled himself together as he eyed the large creature critically, already mapping out potential weak points in his mind.

As soon as Discord felt that the man had had enough to take in, he disappeared and reappeared back on the couch in his original form, “Well, I hope you got enough information from that because I hate to be the bearer of bad news. You’re about to have a trial by fire. I’ll be watching! Ta!” Discord waved serenely before disappearing entirely with a raucous laugh.

“I’M ABOUT TO WHAT?! GET BACK HERE, YOU SAD SACK—Oh, what’s the use? Probably off watching by now. Hmm...Trial by fire, huh? Maybe I should go get a gun—” He winced as an ear-piercing shriek sounded from outside, “Son of a bitch, this is going to suck. Oh well, might as well try and get in good with the locals if nothing else.”

~~

~~

(Music start)

Samael jumped up, sighing in relief as he felt only a slight twinge of pain, and ran toward his front door. Quickly turning off his alarm, he sprinted out toward the wooded area the scream appeared to originate from, making sure his flashbangs, knife, and piano wire were still secure, ‘It’ll have to be enough for now.’

As soon as he arrived in the wooded area proper, he slowed down and began to stalk further in, trying to make as little noise as possible and attempting to get some clue as to what was transpiring. Ducking behind trees where possible, the assassin crept toward the sounds of a struggling, yelping young girl and four deep yet feminine German-accented voices apparently mocking her, ‘Oh, come on! A child?! Really?!’

Controlling his breathing and watching his step as he crept closer and closer, Samael fought back a groan as he peered around the tree he was hiding behind at the scene transpiring in front of him. In the nearby clearing stood four intimidatingly large griffins cornering a clearly young pony girl with light purple fur and blonde hair. He noted the obvious fact that the griffins were female judging by the GIGANTIC tits they all sported. He also noted that two these griffins appeared to be holding scaled up Lugers at the ready, the other two sporting Walther P38s.

“Zat is right, mein liebling. Cry out more. We need more meat than vat you can give us,” mocked one of the griffins as she kicked roughly at the pony before firing off a shot into the ground right next to the pony, causing her scream and cower with her arms firmly over her head.

Samael steeled himself as he reached back for one of his flashbangs and began to psyche himself up before rustling a bush next to the tree to get the griffins’ attention, smiling as they all turned with smug looks on their faces.

“And just like zat, our bait delivers. Come out now and we’ll make it as quick and painless as we ca—” one of the griffins began to taunt, cutting off as they all followed the arc of the flashbang as it flew through the air before hitting the ground right in front of them, “And just vat is zat supposed to b—ACK!” The griffins all flinched as the flashbang went off.

“Too easy.” Samael leapt out from behind the tree before rushing the stunned griffins, but was forced to sidestep as they all blindly fired at where they had heard the rustling bush. He wheezed slightly as two bullets hit his vest, the force behind them sure to bruise, but more concerning was the bullet that had caught him in his left arm in his charge.

He knew that would be a problem in the future, but tried to ignore the pain as he planted his feet in front of the nearest griffin and pivoted his hips as he threw his fist forward into as hard a punch as he could muster into her sternum, the powdered steel in the knuckles of his SAP gloves adding a great deal of force to his punch and protecting his knuckles all at once. All the griffin could do was wheeze painfully as she doubled over in pain. Another punch to her temple put her down for the count.

Samael sidestepped and drew his balisong knife with a twirl to get it into an reverse grip before plunging it down into the shooting arm of another griffin. She squawked in pain and dropped her pistol before starting to wheeze as a heavy strike from the assassin’s elbow hit right in her diaphragm. Another heavy strike split her beak before yet another caught her in the temple same as the first and that was one more griffin down and out.

He noted with no small amount of horror that the other two griffins were beginning to recover from being stunned. So, he grabbed one’s arm to hold it as tight and stiff as he could before driving his elbow in the side of hers to break it, causing her to involuntarily drop her pistol as well.

She let out an eagle-like scream as she attempted to claw this smaller creature’s back with her other talon, but was stopped by the odd, tough vest he wore under his shirt, leaving three claw marks in the material and tearing away three strips of cloth from his shirt. She couldn’t even scream as the creature kicked her locked knee hard, bending it at an unnatural angle and causing her to pass out from sheer sensory overload and shock.

The last griffin had recovered and was bringing her pistol up to shoot at the creature that had just taken down her fellow tormentors, but even another shot to the chest wasn’t enough to stop him as he only winced. She adjusted her aim toward his head, but in a flash, her pistol was no longer in her grip and was being taken apart expertly in his. She sounded out a lion’s roar mixed with an eagle’s screech as she lunged toward him, talons spread and ready to tear.

Samael only grinned as the last griffin acted exactly as he had expected and threw aside the pieces of the pistol to draw the piano wire from his belt, taking a firm grip as he sidestepped her swipes and kicked her in the lower back to set her off balance. She stumbled just as he had predicted, but swore softly to himself as he forgot her wings she was now spreading to balance herself. The assassin stepped forward, leapt up, and rammed his elbow as hard as he could into the joint where wing met back.

The griffin wailed with pain as such a sensitive spot was assaulted so brutally, reaching back with both talons in a futile, instinctual attempt to rub the pain away, but received a surprise in the form of piano wire binding her talons together behind her back.

‘Alright. Wing joints. Weak point. Got it. I’d prefer to have my wire for this, but Discord did say that going all-in was dumb.’ He jumped up onto the griffin’s back as she desperately tried to free herself from the wire and put her into a sleeper hold, hoping that the concept would be the same for griffins, ‘Gotosleepgotosleepgotosleepgotosleep!’ Samael let out a sigh of relief as her struggling slowed due to the lack of blood getting to her brain and set his feet on the ground as she dropped to her knees before following her down to make sure she fully passed out.

Collecting his piano wire and standing up slowly so to not agitate his bruising chest, he panted softly as the adrenaline began to wear off, ‘Well, that wasn’t so hard. Only got shot once, really.’ Samael rubbed at his chest slightly before eying the wound on his upper arm, ‘And even then, only grazed. That’s a win in my book.’ He looked over at the still cowering pony and steeled himself, stepping over to her slowly.

~~

~~

(Music end)

Dinky whimpered softly as she shook like crazy in her fetal position. First those mean griffins swooped down and pulled her away from the rest of her class as she had tried to enter the school, then they said they were going to eat her and anypony else who showed up because she screamed, they were taunting her, and somepony DID show up! There was that loud bang that made her ears hurt even as she covered them and then all the other, faster loud bangs, then the Griffins made a lot of noise and now...Nothing, and that was worse!

The assassin winced as he bent down to regard the cowering pony and placed his hand softly on her shoulder causing her to jump as he put on the most gentle and reassuring tone he could muster in his state, “Are you alright, little lady? You’re not hurt, are you?”

The filly let out a soft yelp of surprise at the sound of a stallion here and not those big, hungry griffins as she slowly unfolded herself, still shaking like a leaf. Her eyes found his gloved hand first before following it up to the oddest looking stallion she’d ever laid her now-widening eyes on and squeaked out, “I um, no...Uh...Sir, no, sir, I’m not hurt, just...scared.” Her ears pinned back as she noticed that while he was looking at her with concern, he also seemed to be in pain, “You’re...you’re not hurt, are you, mister?”

Samael gave her a reassuring smile as he slowly stood up, gently pulling her up onto her feet—hooves he corrected himself, “I’m fine, just a few bruises and a little scratch. Nothing I haven’t dealt with before.”

Dinky opened her mouth to give protest, but froze as she noticed one of the griffins stirring behind her unexpected savior and whimpered out, “Mmmph, she’s getting back up…”

As soon as the assassin had turned around readying himself for another bout, the griffin had gotten to her knees before a wooden crossbow bolt hit right between her eyes, ‘...Well then. So much for having an aversion to confrontation.’ He looked around to find the source of the bolt, hoping that one wouldn’t find its way into him...Or the girl he was with, he reminded himself. He fought back his urge to run once he spotted a large group of what obviously passed for law enforcement here, judging by the badges, armor, crossbows, and was that a longbow?!

A whole battalion of guardsmares had been dispatched once they had caught word of a filly being foalnapped by a group of griffins with those new, deadly weapons they’d be briefed on. The fight they had expected to lose at least half, if not more of their numbers to seemed to have already occurred. Surprisingly, they saw what appeared to be a lone stallion helping the foalnapped filly to her hooves when they arrived and all four of the griffins beaten and broken on the ground.

And upon seeing one of the griffins beginning to rise to get back into the fight, one of the guards got over her shock long enough to take aim and shot a bolt into the griffin’s head. This caused the rest of them to come to their senses and rush forward to detain the three remaining, unconscious griffins. One of the guards quickly scooped up Dinky’s hand to take her to her hysterical mother. The filly smiled gleefully at the fact that she’s no longer being threatened and called over her shoulder, “Thanks for saving me, mister!”

Samael couldn’t help but grin at the little girl’s praise as he waved at her retreating form, but his grin quickly turned into a nervous grimace as three of the guards closed in on him like three mother hens. He tried to answer, but they just kept interrupting and asking if he was hurt, if he needed to go to the hospital, how did he manage to beat four griffins by himself, how he wasn’t anything like anypony they’d ever seen, and he swore he caught an “Are you single?” in the bombardment of questions somewhere, but he couldn’t be too certain.

He held up his hands to try and get them to stop, blinking in slight surprise as they did so. Chuckling nervously as their attention was firmly on him, “Uhm, I uh...Well, I am sort of hurt, but BUT,” he held up his hands again as the guards opened their mouths to interrupt, “it’s not bad, it’s just some minor bruising, I’m sure. But uh...I may need some bandaging here-ERE!” As soon as he held up his left bicep for the guards to see, they quickly began pulling him in the direction of the hospital.

“WAIT WAIT WAIT!” Giving a nervous chuckle as the guards stopped, he stepped over to one of the griffins being detained and kneeled down to pull his knife out of her arm, “This is mine and I’m rather fond.” He smiled nervously to the guards attempting to escort him before wiping the blood clean on the griffin’s clothes and then closed the knife with a full twirl before tucking it into his pocket. He allowed the guards to grab hold of him again and this time followed them without (outward) protest.

~~

~~

‘Well, this is a first. Being patched up without being nagged at about how I should’ve been more careful. I think I prefer that given the alternative here.’ Samael thought sardonically as he listened to the admittedly cute nurse coo gentle encouragement to him in the most adorable Québécois accent he’d ever heard. She disinfected his wound gently and he fought the urge to roll his eyes as she called him “so brave” before she ran off to fetch the doctor.

He facepalmed as soon as the door was closed and soon wondered briefly if it would be worth it to make a break for it. Swearing softly to himself as the door handle turned as soon as the thought had occurred to him, a (thankfully) more taciturn doctor walked in and seated herself in the chair previously occupied by the nurse. The third thing he noticed after the first two most males would notice about this one was that she appeared have a horn sticking out of her head. Well, this must be one of those unicorns he’d read about.

Doctor Saccharine Smile tugged gently on this sweet stallion’s arm, eyeing his wound with professional interest and her mind certainly not focusing on how firm his muscles were. She wondered in the back of her head whether the vibrant colors on his arm depicting an emerald green snake coming out of a dark pink lotus flower was his special talent somehow and if so, what did it mean? She’d have to get Nurse Crème to ask in her stead since he seemed to like her, she had to be professional after all and she lit her horn to heal his wound.

‘Alright, noted. Horns do glowy things and…Hu-uh.’ Samael barely caught himself and kept himself from jumping as he felt the pain of his wound melt away, keeping his expression neutral as he watched the bleeding slow then stop, ‘Alright, staunch the bleeding, awesome. Won’t bleed out if I get shot as long as I have one of these guys near me and that’s super handy and pretty aweso—’ Externally, he remained neutral, but internally he was outright gobsmacked as his wound closed entirely. ‘I was not prepared for today. I don’t think anyone would be.’

“So uh, that’s me done, right? I can go and uh not be in this hospital anymore, right?” Samael attempted to stand to leave, but was held back by the doctor. ‘Oh no. Don’t do it, please don’t do what I think you’re going to do.’

“Oh no, mister. We have to make sure you’re at one hundred percent! That means a full examination!” Doctor Saccharine patted the poor dear’s arm reassuringly and stood up to allow him room to do so as well, picking up her clipboard and fighting an eager smile, “Now, shirt off, sweetie, I need to make sure that that chest pain you mentioned to Nurse Crème Fraîche isn’t anything more serious.”

He fought back an amused smirk and a snort of mirth at the nurse’s name, and sighed to himself in defeat as he stood up, “Fine, fine, but I’m telling you, it’s not serious.” Lifting his left arm and ignoring the doctor’s look of slight confusion, he reached over with his right hand, grabbed his left sleeve, and pulled up to pull off his shirt. It was always easier to do it that way with a ballistic vest restricting him otherwise. That and the tears in the back of his shirt stopped him from pulling it off from the collar without completely destroying it.

He then pulled off the ballistic vest and undershirt to reveal three silver-dollar sized bruises on his chest and stomach, ‘Hu-uh. Guess those bullets were a bit bigger than the 9mm I expected. But it seems like those morons don’t understand that you have to scale up the propellant too. Either that or it’s not as high quality as it could be. Good.’ The assassin fought his urge to jump back as the doctor practically lunged forward to examine his bruises with a look of deepest concern on her face, ‘...Please don’t, I don’t know if I can take it.’

“Oh, you poor thing!~ That looks very painful. But it’s a good thing you had that...armor?...on or else you’d be in a lot worse shape,” she fought to maintain her professional composure and lit her horn to heal those awful bruises. Doctor Saccharine tilted her head slightly at the fact that his right arm was also marked very vibrantly with what appeared to be crimson red snake-like dragon wrapped around his bicep, the tail down to his elbow and the head on his right pectoral. Her magic very quickly healed his bruises and she allowed herself to look a bit closer at these markings with fascination plain on her face.

Samael raised his eyebrow slightly as the doctor leaned in to gawk at his traditionally applied irezumi, “Do uh...Do you not know what tattoos are? Do I need to explain because...Kinda getting a little awkward here.”

“OH! Uh, no, no, sir! I was just curious, that’s all,” her mind clicked as she realized what he had said and her jaw dropped at the implications. She’d only known zebras and minotaurs to get tattoos and even those weren’t nearly as intricate as these, “I do know what tattoos are, but I’ve never seen any like yours before.” She grabbed his arm to bring it a bit closer as she stared, “They’re beautifully drawn! And very striking!”

‘Well, that’s a first. Usually I get asked if I got these in prison by some dumb bitch who doesn’t know better.’ “Thaaanks? Well, now that I’m all done here, I should probably be going now.” Gently pulling his arm from her grip, he was able to get his undershirt then ballistic vest back on and his shirt halfway on before he heard her speak again.

“Oooh nonononoNO, there’s all kinds of forms to fill out before you get to go anywhere, mister! And the fact of the matter is that because we have no record of you, we’ll also need to make those and get even more exams done and…” Her words seemed to go on forever as she enumerated various tasks he’d have to do while here, including a complete full body scan after some tests, body fluid samples needed to be taken, and many, many other things. It was at the point he had heard “especially semen” in there that he wondered how much trouble he’d be in should he decide to just drop the other flashbang and run.

A tingling in the back of his head stopped that train of thought in its tracks as another voice interjected directly into his brain, Discord’s, “That won’t be necessary, my impatient friend. Just let me handle this.” And before he could talk or think back, Discord popped into the room behind the doctor and she froze in place mid-blink.

Before Samael could even register what had just transpired, Discord had transported the two of them back into the safehouse living room. He looked around in complete surprise before giving Discord a grateful smile, “Teleportation, huh? A little warning next time would be nice, but thanks, that was getting kind of insane.” He then rushed upstairs to get a new shirt and to dig out the bullets stuck in his vest to check out later.

~~

~~

He came back down to find Discord playing with what appeared to be a cat toy, “I...What are you doing? You know what, no, don’t answer that. I’m fine with not knowing. What’s next on the agenda here? I’m flying by the seat of my pants here, but you seem to have a schedule in mind. So, if you don’t mind. Spill.” He sat down in his recliner as he eyed Discord expectantly.

“Hmph. Spoil sport. I wanted it to be a surprise, but if you MUST know,” Discord snapped his talons, making a tablet PC pop into existence in Samael’s hands, “Here, it’ll take some time, but I haven’t forgotten our deal. Your assistant gets all your assets with none of the hassle of those silly government officials wondering where all the money came from. If you have one final message to send to her, now will be the time to do so.”

Blinking in surprise before finally breaking into a true smile at this news, Samael looked down at the tablet for only a moment before smirking to himself as he decided to get the very last jab possible in and typed out his message with careful deliberation. He muttered under his breath, “Sorry, Lindsay, you’d do the same to me, but just know that I win our little game.” Reading his message back to himself, he smiled with satisfaction before tossing the tablet over to Discord, “Done.”

Discord grinned with appreciation at slight mischief amongst the sap before tapping on the screen once and making it vanish, “She should get it when she needs it the most. Now, there’s something else I may have neglected to mention.”

“And that would be…?” Already, Samael could tell that he wasn’t going to like this.

“Well, you’re about to have company. After all, word travels fast in this little town, especially with something as interesting as what you’ve done. I will say this: Try to be friendly if you can, it’ll help you a great deal in the long run.” With a sleazy grin, Discord popped out of existence once more to let his message sink in, only for his head to slide back into reality with a serious look, “Oh! Before I forget: you don’t know me, you don’t know how you got here, and you’re here to help.”

“I don’t get it. Who are you and what are you doing in my house? I just woke up and for some unholy reason, my house wasn’t where I left it last night. But as long as I’m here, I’ll try to help those who deserve it,” recited the assassin, prompting a look of satisfaction on Discord’s disembodied face before it disappeared once more. Not even ten seconds after he disappeared, a quiet yet firm knock sounded from the front door, ‘And it begins.’

Samael walked toward the door with a growing feeling of unease as he heard the voices pick up behind it, one voice scolding someone there for not knowing how to knock properly and then the door shook as apparently whoever had taken offense to the first one’s knocking prowess pounded on the door. He groaned agitatedly to himself as he realized that this was probably going to be a very lengthy visit and hoped he could keep it together long enough to get through it.

After all, his social skills pretty much amounted to just enough to get by to do his work, to negotiate the terms of agreement on a new job, and to pick up barflies for a one-night stand. Well, that and the only person he felt he could’ve talked to any time about anything and still be comfortable was quite possibly hundreds of billions of miles away or just plain did not exist in this reality, he’d have to ask Discord which it was.

Taking a deep breath to steady himself, Samael opened the door and aimed a bemused look at the owner of a cyan fist readying to knock again, “There’s a doorbell. You don’t have to break down my door.” He reached over and pressed the button, causing a loud buzz to sound from within the house, “Now, uh, what can I do for you ladies?”

~~

~~

Earlier that morning

Twilight Sparkle had not had a good morning today and the poor lavender unicorn had woken up far earlier than she had wanted. Between Princess Celestia’s worrying letter describing a new threat to Equestria that they simply couldn’t zap away with the Elements and the fact that the town was on high alert due to some suspicious activity from four rowdy and rude griffins from the day before, she’d been walking on tenterhooks since earlier this week, full of nervous tension. It didn’t help at all that a certain pink party pony was at her kitchen table babbling away in between full body tremors and eating her pancakes.

“...I’m telling ya, Twilight! This is going to be a big doozy of a doozy! I mean, the biggest doozy to ever doozy with whipped cream and hot fudge!...Speaking of, do you have whipped cream and hot fudge? Those would go GREAT on these pancakes!” Pinkie bounced up and down with both terrified excitement and Pinkie Sense in between bites.

Twilight rubbed her temples slowly, thanking Spike as he set down another plate of pancakes for her consumption, “No, Pinkie. And you’ve been shaking with that ‘doozy’ for almost thirty hours! When’s it even going to happen?!” A bite was halfway to her lips as an ear-piercing shriek shattered the uneasy calm of Ponyville and she sighed with resignation at the timing, “Save my pancakes for me, please, Spike?”

“You got it, Twilight. Fill me in on everything you can when you get back!” Spike gathered up the uneaten pancakes and placed them in the refrigerator as Twilight grabbed Pinkie’s hand and led her out of the kitchen.

“But Twilight! I wasn’t done yet!” pouted Pinkie as she was dragged away from her delicious breakfast, but she quickly fell into pace beside Twilight nonetheless as they raced toward Ponyville’s Guard Outpost. Just as they arrived, the entrance burst open and out raced a group of armed guards, hurrying toward the origin of the scream. And still, Pinkie could not stop bouncing up and down.

A white Earth Pony mare with a long, straight light green mane wearing golden armor stepped out to regard Twilight and Pinkie momentarily. She gave a brief salute before speaking in a moderate Neighponese accent, “Captain Peace Lily at your service, ladies. The rest of the Elements are safe. Please make your way inside.” She turned to enter before snapping her fingers and turning back, “Oh and try not to make Derpy worry any more than she already has. We just convinced her to calm down.”

Twilight and Pinkie followed her inside, passing a shaking, squirming gray Pegasus with a blonde mane and tail along the way. Derpy looked up and also down at the sounds of hooves before focusing on Pinkie. She very quickly jumped up and grabbed Pinkie’s shoulders firmly, begging and shaking her back and forth, “PINKIIIIIIE! YOU CAN SEE THINGS, RIGHT?! THE FUTURE?! PLEASE TELL ME DINKY’S GOING TO BE FINE!”

“I-I-I d-d-d-don’t-t-t-t-t kn-kn-kn-know-ow-ow-ow, Der-er-er-er-py-y-y-y,“ Pinkie’s voice vibrated as she was shaken before pulling Derpy into a tight hug, “Buuut!~ It’s better that I don’t know because if I did know something bad was gonna happen, then it would be bad. But I don’t know so that’s probably good!”

Oddly reassured by Pinkie’s words, Derpy sniffed and nodded as she slowly composed herself. Right as she was just about ready to sit back down, a quiet pop then shortly after a slightly louder pop in the distance reached the ears of everypony inside, followed by several more quiet pops. And that was all it took for Derpy to burst into tears, assuming the worst and clinging to Pinkie tightly.

“Shh...Shh, it’s alright, Derpy. I’m sure she’s fine. Go on ahead, Twilight. I’ll try and take care of Derpy.” Pinkie continued to whisper soothing words of encouragement to Derpy as Twilight very quickly stepped past.

“I swear! If any of those dumb griffins hurt anypony, I’ll kick ‘em into next week!...Oh, hi, Twilight,” Rainbow Dash paced back and forth as she wrung her hands together, straining her ears for more of those weird pops.

“I know, darling, it’s all looking much more serious than usual, isn’t it? To tell the truth, I almost miss the colorful megalomaniacs we’ve had to contend with,” intoned Rarity as she attempted to maintain her composure, worry written plainly on her face as a shaking Fluttershy had her face buried in the unicorn’s shoulder.

“Don’t you worry, girls. I’m one hundred percent certain that Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have been working on a brilliant plan that’s sure to work! Besides, those griffins would’ve wanted to cause trouble with or without those weird weapons of theirs,” Twilight had a look of utter confidence in her mentor and mentor’s sister as she took an empty seat next to Applejack.

“I reckon so, Twi, but that still doesn’t stop me from worryin’ ‘bout mah family gettin’ hurt. Hay, Rainbow saw somethin’ ‘fore all this started that’s even more worryin’ cause the Princesses probably don’t know ‘bout it yet. Tell ‘er, Rainbow,” said Applejack as she nervously turned her hat over and over in her hands.

“What? Oh, right! That weird house,” Rainbow stopped to look Twilight in the eyes as she went on, “Part of the weather team pointed it out because they said they were getting some weird reflections in their eyes. Not too much trouble, I mean, there’s plenty of that from the lake. But then Flitter and Cloudchaser had to pull me over and point it out to me.”

She pulled up an empty chair as she finally decided to stop her nervous pacing, “It had to be one of the most out of place looking houses I’d ever seen. And I know for a fact that it wasn’t there yesterday! I had half a mind to go over and knock just to see what sort of pony put a house there that fast when a guard flew up and told me that I was supposed to be here to be kept safe.”

Twilight’s eyes widened as she considered Rainbow’s words and she shifted uncomfortably in her chair, “That’s...That’s very strange, Rainbow. But it does explain the magical surge that made my thaumometer shatter and wake me up way early this morning. I’ll have to write a letter to Princess Celestia later. She’s probably so busy and stressed right now, she wouldn’t hear her phone ring. I know I wouldn’t if I were in her place.”

They waited in the tense outpost for something to happen, talking only to discuss what they should do and what possibilities awaited them in the form of the strange house. Before long, the atmosphere turned joyous as a guard escorted Dinky in to see her mother. They all turned their chairs to listen to Dinky’s excited story as she clung to Derpy.

“It was SOO scary, Mommy! Those griffins were pointing those weird thingies at me and calling me bait for more ponies. All I could do was curl up and hope they just went away,” Dinky shivered as she remembered her terror, but then her face lit up, “But then! Something amazing happened! I mean, it hurt my ears and it was scary at first, but this loud bang happened and then I just heard the griffins fightin’ somepony and getting hurt!”

Everypony exchanged shocked looks at the thought of a lone pony fighting four griffins and actually hurting them, but then quickly turned their attention back onto Dinky as she continued, “And then it got all quiet and then a really different stallion was asking if I was alright. He looked hurt, but he told me he was fine, so I looked and he didn’t really seem to have much wrong with him except his arm was bleeding a little and all four of those griffins were down on the ground!”

Captain Peace Lily let out a low whistle as the guard that had escorted Dinky into the outpost nodded her affirmation, “My kind of stallion. Four griffins and only a scratch? Sounds like he could handle some rough…” She quickly decided to cut herself off as she realized Dinky was looking at her with a deep curiosity, ”Uuh, customers. If they decide to take advantage of his business...If he had one.”

“I don’t believe it. How could one stallion take on four griffins and only get a scratch for his trouble? How could anypony take on four griffins and only get a scratch?! Even ones without those dumb weapons they have!” Rainbow crossed her arms with disbelief written plainly on her face even as Rarity started forward and gave the guard who had escorted Dinky a glowing smile.

“Ooh! Darling, you simply must tell me! Is he a guard too? Is he handsome~?” Rarity leaned in excitedly.

The guard blushed at the attention as she seemed to be the focus now that Dinky had told her story, “I’m not sure if he’s a guard or not, he didn’t seem to have armor on or a badge, but~,” her voice turned sly, “I didn’t exactly get a good look at his face, but he was definitely exotic. And he had a wonderful behind. The fact that he didn’t seem to have a tail made it really easy to check out those great foal-making flanks. He wasn’t very tall, but he was certainly the athletic type.”

“He didn’t have a tail?! But, every sapient species we know of has a tail unless they lost it somehow. What sort of creatu—” Twilight’s question was cut off as Rainbow Dash pointed out the window.

“Whoa, jeeze! If what you say is true and it really was just him, he really messed them up!” she said as she watched the guards outside carry the battered griffins past the outpost to the holding cells. Everypony gathered at the window to see except for Dinky whose eyes were being shielded by her mother.

For the second time, Captain Peace Lily let out a low whistle, “Wonder if he teaches ponies how to fight. I could use whatever training he has to teach my recruits...Whoa, look at that split beak! It takes a LOT to break a beak like that!” She shook her head slowly as she stepped back, “I’d better get to filling out paperwork now. After I report this. The Princesses will definitely want to know about this. Especially if somepony like that’s on our side.”

Twilight turned to the Captain and gave her a sweet smile as the rest of her friends all exchanged looks of varying degrees of excitement and trepidation, “Sooo...Danger over, Captain? We can leave?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’d think so, sure. Just don’t overwhelm the poor guy when you go to meet him,” Captain Peace Lily smirked as Twilight bristled with slight irritation at being caught. She waved them off as she headed for her office and grinned as she sat down, saying to nopony in particular as she pulled a pile of forms over to herself, “After all, I’d like to see what he’s got going on myself and I can’t do that if he’s surrounded by you lot.”

~~

~~

After getting confirmation that this new stallion had been taken to the hospital to be checked out and healed, the Elements arrived at the front desk only to be met by an irate Doctor Saccharine Smile.

“Yes, he was here, and I was working on getting his examinations and checkups done, but then I blinked and he was gone,” she crossed her arms with a slight scowl. “If you see that stallion, try to get him to come back for more tests.” The doctor glanced left and right before leaning in conspiratorially to whisper as her scowl softened, “I think the poor guy’s scared of hospitals. So break it to him gentle.”

“Oh. Oh, poor thing. I know exactly how he feels. Especially the needles…” breathed out Fluttershy as her face took on a look of sympathetic concern. It was all Rainbow could do not to laugh at the idea of an apparent tough stallion squealing like Fluttershy would at the sight of a needle. A cuff to the back of the head from Applejack was enough of a reprimand as Twilight promised the doctor to bring him back as soon as possible.

As they exited the hospital, it was Applejack who decided to bring up the obvious, “So. If’n the fella left the hospital, I'd imagine he left to rest up after a tryin' day, so then where is he restin’ up?” Each mare simply stared at each other blankly as they each wondered. All, except Pinkie.

“Well, DUH, silly fillies. If this new stallion is not like any we’ve seen before, then it’s totally obviously plain to see! After all, if a new stallion hasn’t been seen before then he’d totally be from somewhere we’d never seen before so that everypony there is somepony we haven’t seen before and so nopony there thinks like nopony here—” Pinkie’s run-on was swiftly cut off by Applejack reaching over and holding her muzzle shut.

“The point, Pinkie?” said Applejack as she slowly let go of Pinkie’s muzzle.

“I was getting there, AJ! No need to get your panties in a knot,” Pinkie stuck her tongue out foalishly at Applejack before continuing, “It’s SUPER obvious! It has to be that weird house Dashie saw!”

Every eye was on Rainbow Dash at Pinkie’s insight and she simply shrugged, “That’s as good a guess as any, I guess.” With that, she flew up in a flash and swiveled her head to and fro before pointing and calling down, “It’s that way, not too far from here! Race you there!” A flap of her wings and she was already zooming toward the house.

“GET YER KEISTER BACK HERE, RAINBOW! DON’T DO ANYTHING WITHOUT US!” Applejack called out as she sprinted after her. The rest of the mares simply shared a look that spoke volumes, all of them reading “Let’s just walk like sane ponies.”

By the time Twilight, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Pinkie made it to the house, Applejack and Rainbow were in full swing in an argument, Applejack’s voice ringing out, “An’ I’m tellin’ you, Rainbow, you can’t jus’ say that it’s a race and fly off, givin’ nopony a chance to even compete. An’ it’s just plain unfair to use your wings before anypony can react fast enough to stand a chance.”

Rainbow opened her mouth to counter, but was interrupted by Pinkie rushing forward, grabbing her hand, and dragging her to the door. Pinkie grinned excitedly as the rest of the mares neared the door, “Fighting later! New friend now!”

Rarity eyed the house with a critical eye, “My, my, once you get past the unique style of the house, it all comes together rather beautifully. Whoever designed this was a true artiste.” She stepped to the front smartly and looked back at her friends with a confident smile, “Let me talk to him first, darlings. I know how to talk to a stallion.” Before anypony could stop her or protest, she gave a delicate, ladylike, but still firm knock on the beautifully carved mahogany door.

Rainbow scoffed at Rarity’s wimpy knock as both Twilight and Pinkie bounced on their hooves, Twilight excited for meeting a new species to befriend and Pinkie excited simply for having somepony new to befriend. After a few moments of seemingly nothing, Rainbow scowled at Rarity, “How do you expect anypony to hear a knock like that, Rarity? They’d have to be able to hear a pin drop a mile away to hear that!”

She pushed Rarity aside, not enough to knock her over but enough to move her and enough to cause her to harrumph indignantly. Rainbow practically slammed her fist into the door hard enough to shake it on its hinges three times. Rarity hissed in her ear, “Rainbow, darling, you don’t have to be rude about it!” The cyan pegasus stuck her tongue out at Rarity before raising her fist to knock again just to spite her.

All eyes shot to the doorknob as it turned, causing Rainbow to freeze mid-knock and the door opened to reveal a frowning, exotic stallion with very striking features. Despite his not-quite-so-tall stature, his presence was tremendous, especially as each mare remembered that he had single-handedly beaten four griffins.

He briefly eyed Rainbow’s raised fist and then spoke in a deep, low tone that told them “I’m not loud because I don’t have to be to be heard.” as he gave Rainbow a reproachful look, “There’s a doorbell. You don’t have to break down my door.” He reached over onto the doorframe and pressed a button none of the mares had previously noticed, causing a very odd and loud buzz to sound from within the house, “Now, uh, what can I do for you, ladies?” He seemed to have a slight Neighponese accent, nearly unnoticeable quite possibly due to time taken to make it so.

~~

~~

Samael felt a little like a deer in headlights as he warily eyed the six very colorful ladies in front of his door, resisting the urge to slam the door in their faces as he saw the nearly identical eager grins on the purple one and the pink one. Before he could truly take in their appearances in any meaningful way, the white one stepped forward with purpose and poise. He realized that she was exactly as tall as he was.

Rarity noticed the stallion’s trepidation and gave him a reassuring smile as she elegantly held out her hand, “No need to be nervous, darling. My friends and I heard of your exploits and of your gorgeous home and we simply had to come and introduce ourselves! My name’s Rarity. And yours, darling?”

As his gaze landed on her hand, she drank in his appearance: a firm, well-managed frame spoke of athleticism, a lack of fur allowed a tanned complexion to show, and sadly his clothes were rather plain-looking but surely he had more stylish ones elsewhere. She then focused on his face, noting his smaller, yet striking amber eyes, his strong jawline, high cheekbones—she held back a gasp at the prominent scars under his left eye—, and simply gorgeous and unique dark mane with that contrasting light streak above his right eye—she noted with slight amusement that half of his right eyebrow was similarly colored, ‘Oh my, they were right. Definitely exotic. Handsomely disheveled on top of that.’

Samael attempted to keep his expression neutral as he made use of the opportunity in front of him, making quick note of her hand having one less finger than a human’s and then focusing past it, ‘Wow, those are some pretty nice tits. And a three diamond insignia over the left one? Classy. And the foppish accent is a nice touch too.’ A quick, practiced visual scan took in her appearance: a white horn preceded her deeply purple, styled hair, her clothes looked designer with the black sleeveless shirt showing her slender arms and outlining her breasts and slender waist nicely, and her midnight blue dress pants emphasizing her rather sizeable hips and slender legs with a curly tail that matched her hair trailing behind her.

Slowly, he lifted his hand to hers, giving a start as he realized he had his SAP gloves still on and quickly pulled the right glove off to shake her hand gently, “Uuh, it’s Ken’ichi Sammuels, but I kind of prefer to be called ‘Samael’. It’s a nickname I kinda picked up and it just...stuck.” His expression gave way to a nervous attempt at an ingratiating smile and he glanced back as he let go of her hand to take off his other glove, “I guess, come inside?” He tucked his gloves into the front of his belt as he turned to walk inside.

Rarity stifled a gasp at his extra finger, but realized that he was definitely nervous, whether about all the mares at his door or that he was just not an extrovert. She blinked as Ken—Samael invited them inside despite any misgivings he may have had and she smiled with satisfaction over her shoulder at her friends before leading the way in behind the seemingly sweet stallion.

Samael kept his breathing steady as he made his way to the living room, noting the sounds of hooves behind himself. His thoughts screeched to a halt as he heard one of them shout out a “Pinkie, don’t!” and then he saw a pair of arms wrap around his shoulders from behind. Every fiber of his being screamed at him that he was being attacked even as he heard “HI! I’M PINKIE—!” With that, he planted his feet, grabbed the arms assaulting him, and twisted, pulling the arms up over his head and sending his attacker sailing through the air in one deft move.

Pinkie let out a squealing “WEEEEE!” as she flew through the air before landing on a comfy couch with her legs hanging over the back and she giggled as she looked at everypony upside down, “AGAIN! AGAIN! That was fun fun FUN!”

‘They’re trying to kill me. Oh, not directly no, they’re trying to give me a fucking heart attack! WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER?!’ Samael desperately fought to bring his heart rate back down to normal levels as he felt all the eyes on his back, ‘Oh shit, oh shit, don’t be mad, don’t be mad.’

The cyan one with the rainbow hair stepped in front of him with a look of excitement, “Dude! That was awesome! I’ve never seen anypony get flipped like that outside of the movies. Good thing you aimed for the couch or else Pinkie might’ve been hurt.”

Samael glanced back and forth between Pinkie, this cyan one, and the rest of their friends, noticing that the purple one was glaring more at Pinkie than him. The orange one was looking at him with frank amazement, and the yellow one was avoiding his gaze by hiding behind Rarity who was also glaring at Pinkie. He then turned his gaze back on the one in front of himself, “Aim?...Yes! Aimed. That is a thing that happened.”

Letting out a soft sigh of relief he didn’t know he had been holding in, the man stepped over to his recliner and sat down, motioning for the rest of them to do the same. A purple glow encased Pinkie, flipping her right-side up and most of them took a seat on the couch with her. Most of them because the cyan one decided that the couch was too good for her and decided to sit in his lap as though she belonged there, boldly wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

The purple one bristled as she noticed her friend’s choice of chair and puffed her cheeks cutely, “Rainbow!”

“There’s no room on the couch, Twilight! Besides, I’m not hurting anything...Right?” asked Rainbow as she turned her head back to Samael, who had been regarding her with an intrigued gaze before she turned her attention on him and simply shook his head as he leaned back into his chair, “Yeah, see?”

“Well, now that we’re all apparently nice and comfortable, darlings. Why don’t the rest of you properly introduce yourselves?” said Rarity as she shot a pointed glare at Rainbow.

Twilight cleared her throat before offering a sweet smile, “Hello, Mr. Samael! I’m Twilight Sparkle, the town librarian and Princess Celestia’s personal student!”

He had to smirk at the honorific before giving her a nod, looking around Rainbow at the purple unicorn. She had on a plain white blouse tucked into a rather conservative black skirt with her dark purple hair and tail straight, a slightly lighter purple stripe and a pink stripe being the only other features. When he had seen her earlier, he noted she was at least three or four inches shorter than himself and while her figure was not as much an hourglass as Rarity’s, it was still a gorgeous one.

Pinkie bounced up and down in her seat, either not noticing or simply not caring that her plump breasts were bouncing with her along with her exceedingly curly, dark pink hair and tail, “OH OH! ME NEXT! As I was trying to say before you sent me on that amazetastic flight, my name’s Pinkie Pie! I bake all kinds of delicious goodies over at Sugarcube Corner! Wanna be friends?”

Samael watched the excitable pony bounce as she introduced herself and blinked at her straightforward question, “Uuh...Sure? I guess?” His answer seemed to please her as she let out an exuberant “YAY!” He had seen earlier that she was even shorter than Twilight, trying to keep his mind off her bouncing by taking in her outfit and general appearance. A light blue t-shirt with a cutesy graphic of a cat clinged to her thick curves and assets down to her white capri shorts that seemed to strain against her generous bottom, ‘Jeeze, I bet if this chick stopped moving, she’d go from curvy cutie over to obese in half an hour.’

His eyes fell on what had been the shortest one as she had easily been five feet tall on the dot, the yellow one with wings and he fought back a snort of mirth as she let out a soft, cute “eep!” before trying to hide her face behind her hands and lengthy light pink hair. The orange one rolled her eyes before drawling out in a Southern twang as she wrapped a reassuring arm around the yellow one’s shoulders, “This here’s Fluttershy, she’s a bit of a wallflower, partner. She’s Ponyville’s best animal handler and vet.”

Fluttershy slowly lowered her hands at the orange one’s encouragement, her hair still hiding one of her eyes and gave him a demure smile and wave. Samael smirked with amusement as he returned the wave, trying not to look as though he were checking her out as he did so. She was slight, but not really what one would call thin with shapely hips and with very modestly sized breasts, barely handfuls. All this contained within a red belly shirt with a matching long skirt.

The orange one let go of Fluttershy to give a genial wave and smile as she sat up then tilted her stetson, “Name’s Applejack. My family runs Sweet Apple Acres and we grow most of Equestria’s apples!” She smiled proudly as she leaned into the back of the couch.

Samael gave her a nod as he noticed that everything about this farmer practically screamed “power”, from her well muscled yet still feminine arms, to her wide shoulders, her defined abs, and her long, firm legs that easily made up most of her six foot height. He felt a great deal of amusement at the fact that she had her blonde hair was a ponytail. As was her tail.

He tried not to compare her to a certain southern belle from that one show in the 80’s, but it was hard not to as she had on the exact outfit that the character had made famous. Except Applejack’s shirt was short-sleeved and barely contained her sizeable breasts and he could practically hear the denim around her large, firm ass screaming as it hugged her tightly.

As all this was going on, the man was too distracted to notice Rainbow following along with the introductions at first, but after brushing up against it she started poking at his ballistic vest with a look of deep confusion. So when he looked down at her and finally noticed, “Uuuh...What are you doing?”

Rainbow jumped at being addressed, but still kept poking, “Trying to figure out what the hay this is.” Before he could explain, she reached down and pulled the bottom of his shirt up to his neck, staring at the vest for a few seconds before looking up at him with an extremely confused look, “What even is this thing?” All other eyes were glued to the vest the moment it was revealed before they all looked at him expectantly.

Samael briefly wondered what he did to deserve this, ‘Oh right, the murders.’ before sighing and rubbing his right temple slowly, “It’s body armor, I wear it almost all the time.” He looked around and noted the varying looks of confusion, along with two excited looks from Rarity and Twilight, “Don’t worry about it. Now it’s your turn.” He nodded down at Rainbow as he pulled his shirt back down.

“What? Oh. Right,” the cyan pegasus let a cocky grin light up her face, ”The name’s Rainbow Dash, fastest flyer in Equestria, leader of Ponyville’s weather team, and future Wonderbolt!”

‘There were a whole lot of words in there I didn’t understand, but I don’t even care anymore, I just want this day to be over already and it’s not even noon,’ thought Samael as he continued to rub at his temple before looking down at Rainbow Dash. Where Applejack's musculature was all about power, this one's seemed to be all about speed, ‘Makes sense considering her claim to be the fastest. But I wonder how fast she’d be without those great tracts of land weighing her down.’

It had taken and continued to take a monumental effort not to think about these ladies too in depth enough to let Rainbow feel it having an effect on him, but she really made it difficult to do so. She certainly lived up to her name with her sleek frame and rainbow striped hair and tail. She had foregone a normal top in favor of a navy blue sports bra with spaces for her wings to poke out and the matching basketball shorts did nothing to hide her athletic hips and legs.

Rarity gave a sudden sound of realization, “Oh I just remembered! I didn’t tell you what I do, darling,” and she smiled as she placed a hand to the insignia on her shirt, “I am Ponyville’s premiere fashionista! I specialize in mares’ clothes, but I do dabble in stallion wear from time to time. You should come by my boutique at some point, darling. I’d love to see you in some formal wear. I’m sure I could whip something up that’ll just bring out your exotic features and go brilliantly with your mane!”

“Oh! Yeah! Your mane looks so terrifimazing!” said Pinkie Pie as she smiled widely at the stunned man.

‘Computing. Genuine compliment about your hair. Respond appropriately.’ “Uuuh. Thank you, I grew it myself.” ‘DAMMIT!’ Samael tried not to cringe at himself.

Pinkie Pie tittered as her toothy smile threatened to overtake her face, “That’s funny! Now, what do you do, mister mister?”

‘...Roll with it.’ He considered for a split second before deciding on using his old cover. After all, what better way to hide the truth than to stretch it? “Well, I’ve been self-employed for a while after quite some time of doing some community work. I’m an entrepreneur to say the least.” Well, it was kind of hard to get steady work as an assassin, so he had to run his own “business.” And the crime syndicate he had worked for before he had gotten out had certainly been very community oriented when they weren’t milking it for all it was worth.

Applejack bit back her skeptical remark. That had seemed far too well-rehearsed to be the entire truth, but it did seem to be true for the most part and that was the weird part. What could he want to hide about running his own business? Her mind zoomed into overdrive before finally settling on something highly inappropriate, ‘Oh. Oh, my apples. That would be somethin’ he would wanna hide if it came down to it. After all, a respectable stallion probably wouldn’t wanna be known for owning a call-stallion service. Especially someplace he could get away from it.’

Samael raised an eyebrow as Applejack went from looking like she wanted to interrupt to trying to hide a hard blush, ‘Do I want to know?...Side note, how the hell does someone blush through fur? That is an achievement!’

“Community work, you said, darling? And that odd armor?” Rarity gave a dramatic gasp before looking at him with a wide smile and twinkling eyes, “Were you a guard, darling?”

“I...Uh. Well, I have done some bodyguard work in the past if that’s what you mean, but, uh, if you mean if I’ve been an officer of the law, then no.” Samael squirmed a little uncomfortably underneath Rainbow Dash.

She didn’t even seem to notice as her mind clicked, “Dude! If you were a bodyguard, that must be how you were able to totally beat down those griffins with only a scratch...Hey, what’s this?” her attention span proved to be too much for her as she noticed his right sleeve lift up a bit and she rolled it up to reveal his dragon tattoo.

Rainbow Dash shifted herself so that her friends could see it as well, prompting Twilight Sparkle to speak up with scientific interest, “Oh! Does your species get cutie marks too?”

‘...Did she just...What...WHAT IS GOING ON?!’ Blatant confusion overtook Samael’s face at Twilight’s question before he finally answered, “I...No! I don’t know what a cutie mark even is, but this is a tattoo. More specifically, it’s a traditional irezumi, applied by hand. There’s nothing cute about—Will you stop that?” Rainbow Dash had switched sides again to show his left arm.

She pinned her ears back at the sudden scolding, giving him a deeply apologetic look, “Whoa, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean anything by it, dude!”

Rubbing his temple once more, Samael sighed, “It’s...It’s fine, I just...Just ask next time. Now, if you don’t mind, I really need a drink and I’m sure you all would like one too,” and pushed against Rainbow Dash softly. She nodded in understanding as she stood up to let him walk into the direction of the kitchen.

The eyes of each mare followed his exit, each of them realizing the truth of the statement regarding his lack of tail and that it made it easier to appreciate his backside. The odd thing about it was that unidentifiable device sticking out from under his shirt, seemingly hooked onto his belt. As he disappeared, five sets of reproachful eyes all landed on Rainbow.

“Uuuh...Well, I better go help with those drinks since there’s so many of us,” muttered Rainbow as she nervously laughed before quickly making her exit to follow Samael, leaving the rest of the mares with their thoughts, questions, and curiosity.

“Hard to believe such a shy fella could beat the feathers offa four griffins by himself,” said Applejack.

“Well, darling, what bothers me is that even if he can defend himself against such weighted odds, he’s still here by himself without any support from a nice herd to make sure he doesn’t get hurt. I do wonder if he’s looking,” Rarity smiled as she turned pensive.

Applejack chuckled as she glanced back where he had disappeared, “If he ain’t, I’m sure we can convince him otherwise.”

Fluttershy opened her mouth to politely scold Applejack and to remind her that he shouldn’t have to do anything he didn’t want to, but let out a soft squeak as Twilight suddenly exclaimed, “Oh wow! Look at this! What do you think it is?” She was up and examining a big rectangular object made of glass and what looked like a type of shiny black plastic on a stand.

“I don’t know if you should be messin’ with that, sugarcube. I don’t wanna know what Sam sounds like when he’s mad,” Applejack stood up to pull Twilight back to the couch, but stopped in her tracks as Twilight pressed a button she had been examining on the side, the object lighting up with a bright blue light and a bit of yellowish white text in the upper right corner reading “Video 01: No Signal.”

Every jaw dropped as they noticed the very bright color of the television set and Applejack was the first to speak up after letting out an extended whistle, “Well, I reckon the fella’s business musta been a good one! A TV that big is expensive and this one’s gotta be the fanciest lookin’ one I’ve ever seen.”

Meanwhile, Twilight was puzzling out the text at the top of the screen, “No signal? What could that mean? Hmm…” She looked around on the stylish shelf the television was sitting on as she mumbled, “Something here has got to do something about that.”

“Uuh, Twilight? Maybe you shouldn’t be poking around in there. Samael might not like that and he could explain when he gets back…” Fluttershy practically whispered, frowning as Twilight didn’t seem to hear her.

Rarity cleared her throat and grabbed Twilight’s tail in her magic, dragging her back even as the lavender unicorn reached into a hole for an oddly shaped black box, “Darling, you don’t know what all that does, so stop before you break something.”

“But, Rarity! I was just trying to figure it out!” protested Twilight as she struggled against the magic. Applejack picked Twilight up with great ease once she was close enough and placed her back on the couch, where she pouted cutely, “You can’t tell me you’re all not curious either!”

“Of course, we are, silly filly! That’s why we’re here, duh! I’m sure our new friend will want to answer any questions we might have!” said Pinkie as she climbed onto Twilight’s lap to give her pouty friend a friendly hug and nuzzle to cheer her up.

~~

~~

As all this transpired, Samael let out a slight sigh of relief at the momentary peace he had managed to procure, ‘Is this seriously going to be a common occurrence? I’m starting to think I should’ve stayed on Earth, killing people. At least that wasn’t as hard as this is.’ He opened the fridge and went over the drink choices for himself and his guests. The urge to start swearing at the top of his lungs rose from within as he heard a pair of hooves approaching, ‘Of course. How silly of me.’

“Thought I’d come and see if you needed any help in here,” called out Rainbow Dash as she entered the kitchen and she pinned her ears back slightly as she noticed him tense up, “But uh...If you don’t need it, I get it.”

Samael sighed as he stood up straight to regard her in his peripherals, “It’s fine. Sure, yeah, help. I don’t mind. Anything you ladies may want or what?” He opened the door a bit further and stepped to the side to allow her to look too. She wore an excited grin as she stepped up next to him and peered into the refrigerator.

“You got any apple cider —Whoa! What’s this?” asked Rainbow Dash as she reached in to grab one of two big green plastic bottle filled with a fizzy liquid, the other one appearing unopened. She stared at the label curiously, “Sprite?...Is it any good?” and muttered to herself as she continued to read down the label, “Lemon-lime...soda? What’s a soda? Like baking soda?”

Samael smiled to himself at her confusion, ‘And it’s moments like this that make me sort of glad I’m here, to be honest.’ and guided her out of the fridge while she stared down at the bottle, “Yeah, it’s pretty good. And do you know what seltzer water is?” He reached up to the cabinet to begin taking out glasses and raised an eyebrow as she wrinkled her nose a little, ‘Why is that so adorable?’

“Yeah, I know what it is. Pinkie likes to spray everypony with it as a joke and it’s alright when it’s mixed with alcohol. You’re saying this stuff is just premixed seltzer?” asked Rainbow Dash as she handed him the bottle with a curious expression and watched as he poured a little into a glass.

“Sort of, but this isn’t alcoholic. Try some,” he said as she cautiously grabbed the glass and watched as she sniffed it a little before taking a sip. He had to stop himself from laughing as she rubbed at her nose after drinking it all down.

“Wow! That’s actually pretty good. Tickles the snout, but good. I think everypony will love it! Hay, if you find the right pony to give some to, they might even be able to make more,” Rainbow Dash said as she handed the glass back for a refill. He raised an eyebrow at this, but shrugged as he filled each glass.

“So, uh, if you don’t mind my asking, how in the world did you beat up those griffins without anything more than a scratch?” she leaned in to watch him pour and tried not to flinch as he gave her an appraising look.

“The element of surprise and years of training,” Samael muttered as he looked around for a tray to carry all those glasses on and handed her the bottle, waving her over to the fridge.

“Whoa, really? That’s so awesome!” she quickly put the bottle into the refrigerator and turned back to him with an excited look on her face, “What sort of training? Karate, boxing? I’m a black belt in karate myself.” Rainbow Dash stepped over and began to help placing the glasses on the tray after he set it out.

He blinked as she picked up the tray once all the glasses were on as he considered her question, “Well, I do know a bit of karate and boxing, but I’m a Rank 2 Expert in Krav Maga. I would be a bit further up in ranks, but my teacher kinda stopped teaching me after I accidentally broke his leg.” ‘And his arm and his neck. And it wasn’t an accident. He shouldn’t have tried to blackmail me like he did.’

Rainbow Dash flashed a look of confusion at him, “Krav Ma-what? What the hay is that?” She followed him out of the kitchen, carefully carrying the drinks to make sure they don’t spill.

“It’s a martial art made up of all kinds of different other martial arts, but focusing less on flashy moves and more on actual combat. It’s not the only thing I’ve studied, but it’s by far one of the most practical.” he said as he grabbed a glass from the tray and stared as he noticed his TV was on. He shook his head slowly as he sat down in his recliner, ‘Not going to ask.’

Rainbow Dash set the tray of drinks down on the table and grabbed a glass for herself, seating herself back in Samael’s lap with a smile, “Drink up, girls! It’s good stuff. But watch out, it kinda tickles your snout on the way down.” To set an example, she took a lengthy swig, rubbing at her snout afterwards.

“Ooh! It’s fizzy like seltzer!” Pinkie Pie was the first mare brave enough to gulp down this new drink and she giggled wildly as she wiggled her snout around, “Oooh!~ It does tickle! And it’s yummy!”

The rest of the mares exchanged looks before each grabbed a glass and took a tentative sip. Twilight Sparkle gasped before looking down at the liquid with an intensely curious stare of scientific interest, Rarity gave a soft hiccough before smiling with an “Mm!” and taking another lady-like sip, Applejack licked her lips at the taste before downing the glass all in one, and Fluttershy gave a tiny, adorable sneeze after her sip, but then continued to take tiny sips afterwards.

“That’s a mighty fine drink you gave us there, partner! Well, I'd reckon it'd be even better mixed in with some Sweet Apple Acres cid—” Applejack’s voice died off when her stomach gurgled and then she opened her mouth in a raucous belch, “Ahem...Pardon.” Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack herself began to giggle madly at the offended look on Rarity’s face.

“Really, darling! It’s good you excused yourself, but there’s no reason to do that in front of—” Rarity’s remonstrations were cut off by another, much louder and deeper belch.

“Eep...Excuse me,” whispered Fluttershy as her face turned a very bright red which she then attempted to hide behind her mane.

“Well, uh...Better out than in. Especially if it was that much,” said Samael with amusement lacing his tone.

Twilight Sparkle cleared her throat with purpose as she motioned to the TV, “Mr. Samael? Do you think you could tell us how that television works? All I could do was get it to turn on.”

Samael turned his gaze onto the TV, “I was wondering why it was on. But uh...At the moment, all it can do is that, really. My usual service isn’t exactly...Here. But it can still play movies at least.” At their confused looks, he held up his hands to stop their questions before they started, “Listen, I apologize, but I can show you this later, but right now, can we please just move on to more important things?” ‘Like my privacy and getting some peace and quiet for the first time since I’ve been here. And maybe something to eat.’

Sorrowful disappointment seemed to be the common theme of their expressions at the moment before he sighed and said, “That and there’s not a movie in the player. I’d have to get out from under your friend, pick out a movie that you’d all enjoy, put it in, wait for it to play, and it’s just a hassle when we’d just stop it very soon after.”

Rarity was the first to brighten up, “Oh, of course, darling! How about a tour of your lovely home? That should kill some time before lunch. If you want, maybe you could come with us?” She suddenly blushed as he stared at her, “As friends, of course! You don’t have to if you don’t want to, darling!”

Raising an eyebrow at the curious non sequitur, Samael just shrugged and nodded, “Fine, fine, sure. I’m getting kind of hungry anyway.” He nodded toward Rainbow Dash who reluctantly stood up to allow him to do so as well, “Well, uh...Here’s the living room, obviously.” Downing his drink to hide his tense gulp, he set his glass down on the tray and led the mares into the kitchen, “This is the kitchen. I try to keep it well stocked since cooking’s a bit of a hobby of mine.” He stopped as he heard Pinkie Pie gasp loudly and took a slight step back as she practically teleported in front of him.

“Ooh! Do you bake? Do you want to exchange recipes?!” Pinkie Pie said excitedly as she smiled so wide, it looked like her mouth was about to pop off of her face. Samael tried not to flinch as he gave her a reluctant smile.

“I, uh, yeah. Sure? I guess? If there’s something you’d probably like, I’ll let you know,” he said as Pinkie Pie seemed to get more and more excited until she finally threw her arms around him in a firm hug.

‘Excitable this one is, many moments like these I sense in the future,’ Samael thought as he returned her hug briefly, hoping that would satisfy the overly friendly pony and feeling a sense of relief when she let go shortly after.

“Aww! You didn’t throw me this time! That was funnerific! But I guess there’s no place to throw me here where I wouldn’t get hurt or break anything, is there?“ giggled Pinkie Pie as she rejoined her friends with a bounce in her step. While that situation had resolved, the rest of the mares were simply blown away by the advanced appliances.

Yet again, Samael was hit with a torrent of questions, which he answered curtly and succinctly. They all seemed especially enthralled with the microwave and the fact that such a compact device could be used to heat up whole meals in a matter of minutes, Twilight Sparkle bouncing forward with a manic smile on her face. With his hesitant agreement, she squealed with happiness as she would come back later with enough paper and quills to put these amazing devices to print for reproduction.

For the third time that day, he was assaulted with a hug from an excitable pony, ‘Why couldn’t Discord have warned me about this?...Oh right, I interrupted him then the thing happened. Oh well, better get used to it, I guess.’ He motioned for them to follow him back out after she let go. His impromptu tour was stopped by the mares musing over a keypad next to a locked door.

“Hey! What’s the deal with this door and these numbers?” asked Rainbow Dash as she held out a finger to press one of the numbers at random and jumped as his hand closed over hers, pulling it back firmly but gently.

“That’s my basement. I usually use it as a training space, but right now, it’s got a few things down there I need to sort through,” muttered Samael, letting go of her hand once he was sure she wouldn’t try to mess with the keypad, “And those numbers are a way of keeping the door locked in case of thieves. Anyone can use a key if they have it, but only those who know the correct sequence of numbers can get inside this door.”

“Oh! We have spells that do things like this. In fact, there’s one that most ponies like to have applied to lockboxes, doors, bags, and many sorts of things. Sometimes even without the locking aspect because it’s a very easy way to get your cutie mark onto something you own,” said Twilight Sparkle excitedly as she looked at the keypad at every angle she could.

‘Didn’t ask, sweetheart, but thanks for the...Wait, there it is again.’ “Uuh. Cutie mark? What’s a cutie mark?” he asked as he simultaneously dreaded the answer, ‘This is bound to be either very stupid or very boring.’

Twilight Sparkle seemed to gleam with happiness at the chance to lecture and turned her attention onto Samael entirely, “Well, a cutie mark is a representation of a pony’s special talent. It magically appears on a pony’s flanks and shoulders once they figure out their talent. For example,” she lifted the sleeve of her blouse to show off her starry mark, “Mine is magic.”

‘Yep, pretty stupi—Wait. Flanks? Is that their sides or...Wait, no. They’re equines so that means butts. Damn. Too bad it’s on their shoulders too, I imagine there’d be some fun times if they were constantly flashing their asses just as much as they would their shoulders. It’d certainly make this a hell of a lot more interesting,’ Samael nodded his understanding, “Got it. Cutie mark equals special talent. Yours is magic.” Twilight Sparkle beamed with happiness at having taught him something as she let her sleeve fall.

The rest of the mares showed off their cutie marks one at a time while stating their talents with proud smiles on their faces, even Fluttershy. He had listened to each one, making abbreviated notes in his head: Rarity made things pretty, Applejack grew apple trees well, Rainbow Dash was fast, Pinkie Pie liked to throw parties, and Fluttershy worked with animals, ‘I can’t tell if I’d be more or less interested in all this if I were being shown their asscheeks while they went on about this.’

Samael continued the tour of the bottom floor of his safehouse, ‘Ugh, really wish I had Lindsay here to do this. This is so damn exhausting.’ When they came to his office space, Twilight Sparkle squealed with excitement as she looked at the full bookshelves all around, ‘And at this point, Lindsay would be strangling her. Or asking me to do it. So, probably a good thing she’s not here.’

He winced as Twilight Sparkle practically begged him to let her borrow some of his books. He agreed as long as they could finish up this tour and then go get something to eat finally. Yet again, the assassin, a man who made those who knew his reputation piss their pants in pure terror, was pulled into an excited hug, ‘I feel like I’m on Full House right now.’

On the far end of the hallway from the office more often used by Lindsay than Samael was his weight room, his room of zen relaxation. A room that would receive vigorous use in the very near future once he had some peace and quiet. He noticed all the mares had gone quiet for once and when he turned back to them, he was at a complete loss, ‘Alright, what the hell? These chatterboxes can’t possibly be that stunned about weights and treadmills. It’s not that difficult a concept!...Are they all wagging their tails?...’

As his gaze fell on their tails, each mare was taking in the thick, otherworldly masculine musk that hung thick in the air, their nostrils flaring and their tails swishing back and forth rhythmically. He jumped as he heard two distinct *POMF* sounds, looking around before finally noticing Rainbow Dash’s and Fluttershy’s extended wingspans, ’I...What? Why?’

The sounds of the pegasi’s wings jumping to attention were enough to snap the rest of them out of their stupors and at the look of confused curiosity on Samael’s face, deep blushes lit up each mare’s face. He closed the door behind himself as they all made a hasty exit, smirking smugly on the inside ‘Ooh. I get it now. Suck it, Lindsay, these gals like my testosterone...But what was with the wings? Oh well, questions for another time.’

Samael shrugged as he continued to lead the tour on, sighing to himself as they headed upstairs and hoping they didn’t notice that a big stretch of wall was where some rooms would logically be. He smirked with satisfaction as they gawked at the fact that he had a second TV upstairs. Once they were over that, the mares all looked at confusion at the intricate setup of many generations of games consoles in front of the very comfortable looking couch and the shelves brimming with games.

“Look, I’ll show you what those do in the future, but uh. Kinda hungry. We should probably save the rest for later,” said Samael as he ushered them out of the room, ignoring their protests. His patience for this whole situation was already stretching thin and his creeping hunger was only making it worse.

“I...suppose we should get something to eat. It’s been a long day for us too,” said Twilight Sparkle as she smiled appeasingly, making a mental note to ask him why there weren’t so many rooms on the second floor of his home as they made their way downstairs, “But there’s something that’s been bothering me a little bit. I was hoping of a more tactful time to ask or even something that gave us a hint. But...If you don’t mind my asking, what exactly is your species called?”

‘Ah, hm. I was wondering when that’d come up.’ “Well, uh, if you must know, I am—” *KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK* Samael was cut off as a three hard, purposeful knocks came from the front door, “—getting a little bit annoyed. Excuse me.” He walked over to the door with an expression of consternation as Twilight Sparkle fumed behind him at the interruption.

Samael opened the door briskly and again began to feel like a deer in headlights as he saw the two mares at his door. Both were pure white and taller than him. One had on the gaudiest armor he’d seen similar to that of the guards he had met earlier, only gold with purple trim and matching purple pants over a full yet firm figure. She had a very surprised, yet curious and appraising expression as she looked down at him from behind her light green mane’s fringe.

While this mare in armor was just as tall if not only a little shorter than Applejack, she did not compare with the Amazon behind her. This one was easily only a foot shorter than the griffins from earlier. She was wearing an elegant stormy gray gown over her luscious figure, what looked like a giant golden necklace set with an amethyst gemstone over her gargantuan yet perky breasts, and her gown did nothing to hide the widest hips he’d ever seen. He tilted his head back a bit to look at the calm and motherly smile on her face before his eyes found her crown in the same style as her necklace.

“Well then, when I was told you were athletic and exotic, they certainly weren’t kidding.” His attention turned back to the guard as she started speaking with a slight Japanese accent, one whose area he could not place, “Allow me to introduce myself. Captain Peace Lily,” said the guard as she gave a polite bow, “And it is my glorious honor to present her royal highness, Princess Celestia. May we come in?”

Author's Note

This was fun to write. Please leave any and all errors in the comments, it's greatly appreciated.

If the consensus is that this chapter's on the long side, I'll attempt to bring it down in the future, but if everyone likes it, I'll try to keep it up.

That said, a few things: Samael seems nervous when meeting the Mane 6, but in the Prologue, he was cool, collected, etc. Well, that's because he's been doing what he's done in the Prologue for years. He's not used to the idea that he needs to make friends and if he treated them like business partners, he'd be cold and distant. Not very good for his progress.

He has a ton of video game consoles. Why? Because I like vidja games and he needs a way to unwind and kill time that won't destroy his muscles.

Ponies are firmly around the late 80's-mid 90's in tech including cell phones, with some discrepancies because I like the idea of introducing unique concepts to them. Like soda and pizza. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

And yes, the Captain of the Ponyville district guard is a Japanese Peace Lily because I likes me some Hot Fuzz.