Earlier that morning

Captain Peace Lily rolled her wrist around to work out the cramps after she had finally finished filling out incident and evidence reports. She eyed the phone on her desk warily, having left a message for Princess Celestia to call back at her earliest convenience. Maybe she should have specified? The Earth pony leaned back in her chair, stretching out the kinks in her back.

A bright flash in the room caused the Captain to lean too far back and fall backwards with her chair, a slightly hysterical and familiar voice sounding out when the flash faded, “Captain Peace Lily!? What happened!? Are my ponies hurt!? ARE MY ELEMENTS UNHARMED!?”

Princess Celestia looked around the room frantically until she heard a soft groan behind what she had originally thought was an unmared desk. She peered over down into the pained face of her poor Captain of the Ponyville Guard. A moment passed and Princess Celestia gave the mare on the floor an apologetic smile, using her magic to pick her up and set her on her hooves gently, “Apologies, Captain. I may have overreacted.”

Captain Peace Lily brushed herself off, looking down at her now broken chair forlornly, “Understandable, my Princess. I admit I should’ve been less vague in my message.” She straightened up and saluted Princess Celestia, waiting until she returned the salute to go at ease, “There has been an incident with the Griffin Butcher’s Club, but Ponyville has suffered no damage and neither has her citizens.”

Princess Celestia let out a breath of relief she didn’t know she had been holding in, smiling inwardly at the unofficial name given to those awful griffins, “That is wonderful news, Captain. Those letters of condolence are always so heartbreaking for even the larger herds and especially for me to sign off on them. Your guards must be very proud of themselves for resolving the situation so cleanly.”

“Well...you see, my Princess...my guards didn’t exactly...do much,” said the Captain with a very nervous smile which only grew more nervous at her Princess’s bewildered look. She stepped over to her desk, sorting through the papers before pulling out the relevant incident reports, “You see, we were mobilizing when we heard a filly by the name of Dinky Hooves had been taken on her way into school by four eaglesses. By the time we got there, they were all laid out and broken...by a single stallion.”

The look of sheer shock on Princess Celestia’s face caused Captain Peace Lily no shortage of amusement, even as she held the reports out to the princess. The reports were practically yanked from her grip as the princess tried to push aside her disbelief. Her pink eyes skimmed the reports rapidly for the details, “Split beak, cracked skull...skulls, fractured sternum, broken arm at the elbow, broken leg at the...knee!?, dislocated wing at the shoulder joint…” she absentmindedly flapped her wings slightly at the thought of such a pain.

Captain Peace Lily nodded as Princess Celestia read, “Indeed, my Princess, he really tore them apart. I do have the weapons logged in evidence as well with a few anomalies.” She shuffled through her reports before finding the relevant ones and handing them over.

”So, they were using the smaller ones that don’t shoot all at once,” said Princess Celestia as she skimmed a form before looking up with a confused expression, “Are you certain this is correct, Captain? Because even those of us who have studied these weapons didn’t know they could be disassembled until we’d accidentally done so.” She looked at another form for a moment before turning her gaze onto Captain Peace Lily, “And this tube in evidence? Has it been analyzed? May I see it? And the weapon as well, I suppose.”

“One hundred percent certain, my Princess. The weapon was disassembled to the point where it could not operate without somepony who specifically knew how to reassemble it,” said Captain Peace Lily, taking the forms from Princess Celestia and piling them back up, ”As for the tube, yes, ma’am, it has indeed been analyzed and stored in the evidence locker. If you will, follow me.”

At Princess Celestia’s nod, Captain Peace Lily stepped out of her office and walked towards the evidence room with the princess in tow. She shooed a Sergeant who was simply lingering before pulling two plastic bags from the shelves. She held up the bag holding the disassembled griffin weapon pieces they had gathered, “You see what I meant, my Princess? Nearly completely disassembled and the pieces were spread out to keep them separate. My guess is that the lone stallion I mentioned managed to disassemble it.”

“Hmm. That’s an oddity that will have to be addressed once we debrief him. Now then, this...tube?” said Princess Celestia as her gaze fell upon the other bag and she accepted it as Captain Peace Lily held it out, “Very odd this. Was there anything special about it?” She turned it over in her hands, noting how it seemed to be a hollow tube with holes throughout and odd burn marks on the inside.

Captain Peace Lily simply shrugged while she grabbed the report that accompanied the tube, “We’re not completely sure, my Princess, but there were certain chemical residues our scans picked up. Potassium nitrate, also known as saltpeter which is used in fireworks, and magnesium. We’re not savvy to the exact combination nor the purpose.”

Princess Celestia puzzled over this, her own magic scans giving her the same results and her brow furrowed as her mind ran through the possibilities, “Well, looks like we have another question to ask our mysterious stallion during the debriefing. Do you have any idea where he may reside?” She placed the bag containing the tube with the rest of the evidence from the day’s events.

Captain Peace Lily blushed slightly at the question, “That’s the issue, my Princess. According to my recruits, this stallion is like none they have ever seen before, so we kind of don’t know where he lives. However, I imagine that, by now, the Elements of Harmony have tracked him down and are already bombarding him with an endless stream of questions. Or Twilight Sparkle is at least.”

Princess Celestia let an amused smile take over, “Oh my, the poor thing. We’ll simply have to help him out with an interruption, won’t we, Captain?”

~~

~~

A small amount of asking around and a helpful eyewitness who had seen the Elements of Harmony heading someplace led the Captain and the princess to the strangest, yet most stylish house they had ever seen. Captain Peace Lily looked it up and down appreciatively, “Huh. Rainbow Dash was right. It is pretty weird. Looks good though.”

Princess Celestia smiled as she very faintly heard her student asking a question inside, “Well, Captain? We’re not going to get anywhere just standing around, are we?”

Captain Peace Lily nodded with a smile and knocked hard on the door three times to tell the occupants that a guard was at the door on official business. She silently cursed herself afterwards once she realized that the stallion inside would surely not know the safety measures the town had in place. That’d be something to tackle in the future, however, as very soon the door opened to reveal the stallion she’d only heard about.

Her eyes widened as she studied him for a moment, ‘Oh my. Definitely the tough sort,’ and she shivered ever so slightly as she noticed his gaze scan over her and Princess Celestia, ‘And quick to determine whether or not somepony’s a threat too.’

She noticed his eyes still focusing on the princess’s crown and she cleared her throat softly, “Well then, when I was told you were athletic and exotic, they certainly weren’t kidding.” His attention turned back to her, this time slightly calculating. “Allow me to introduce myself. Captain Peace Lily,” said the guard with a polite smile, “And it is my glorious honor to present her royal highness, Princess Celestia.” She gestured towards the aforementioned princess with a smile, “May we come in?”

Samael looked towards the two mares with trepidation as he debated with himself, ‘That didn’t sound like an order or a demand, so. Am I free to just...Send them packing? I’ve love to see their reactions.’ Soon, he hesitantly nodded, “Uh, I suppose, yes. Come along.” He stepped back inside, leaving the door open for them.

Captain Peace Lily looked back at Princess Celestia with frank bewilderment, sharing with her a look that simply said “Does he not want us here?” before the princess gestured for them to enter. She turned back and walked in carefully, marveling at the sparse decorations, ‘Hmm. Must’ve just moved in or...is he really alone? No herd? I hate to think that even a tough stallion like him would be all by his lonesome.’ A squeal of excitement brought the Captain back from her thoughts as the Elements noticed exactly who had walked into a handsome-looking sitting room.

Princess Celestia smiled at the now bowing Elements, “Hello, my little ponies, I’m glad to see each of you are unharmed from the events earlier today, but please, rise.” An excited Twilight Sparkle broke off from the rest to run up and hug her, excitedly recounting all the day’s events for the princess’s benefit.

Samael simply watched the events unfold with a raised eyebrow, making sure to keep the guard in his peripherals. He may not have been back home, but he still didn’t want the law breathing down his neck, ‘It’d definitely be easy to see her coming though. That armor does nothing but catch the light and doesn’t look like it could stop my fist, let alone a bullet.’

As she listened in on the Element of Magic’s excited chatter, Captain Peace Lily kept half her attention on absorbing the words and her other half on the stallion, ‘Hmm. Definitely doesn’t seem to want us here. Or...All of us? Must be shy, but...Why do I still feel like I’m being considered a threat? Did...Did a guard do anything to him to make him not trust other guards?’

“...And before you two showed up, Princess, Mr. Samael was about to tell us what his species is called!” finished Twilight as she smiled over at Samael expectantly, all eyes shifting to focus on him completely.

Feeling the piercing gazes of all the mares on him, Samael felt the very intense urge to simply drop his flashbang and just sprint into his basement, but that would do him very little good in the long run. He looked around slowly, “Well, uh, as I tried to say before. I’m human,” and he shifted uncomfortably as he felt the tension of the room thicken, the mares’ jaws all dropping, ‘...Did I just say I’m the devil or something? That sort of thing should not be this startling.’

Twilight was the first to speak up with a spluttering, “B-B-But, there’s no way! The only known fossil records of humans classify them as cryptozoological at best! And none of them are consistent with each other at all! And even if they were valid fossils, the last fossils date back to the era of protoponies and thus humans are long since extinct if they ever existed at all!”

Samael raised an eyebrow at this, ‘Man, if I’m cryptozoological, then what the hell does that make you, miss unicorn?’ and shook his head slowly, “Well, I’m sorry you don’t believe me, but, uh...I’m pretty sure that I know what I am.” He felt a great deal of confusion as all eyes shifted from himself to Applejack who seemed to dispel their disbelief with a simple nod, ‘Alright, what the hell is this? Feel like I’m missing some context here.’

When it looked like Twilight wanted to launch into another line of questions, Princess Celestia held up a hand to stop her excitable student, “I realize that this is a very momentous occasion, my dear student, and that will be addressed in the future, but Captain Peace Lily and I really need to debrief Samael here.” Even while he kept his expression neutral, she could feel the frustration emanating off the stallion and she smiled apologetically at him, “I understand that it’s close to lunchtime, Samael, but this cannot wait to ensure that today’s events are still fresh in your mind.” She turned to the other mares in the room, “I would like for our discussion to be private for the time being, my Elements, so I ask that you refrain from eavesdropping.”

Samael tried not to betray his surprise when the mares all agreed without argument at a mere request to not listen in, ‘How the hell? I can’t imagine any John Doe following that request if the President gave it.’

Twilight spoke up with a curious expression, “If you don’t mind my asking, Princess, how long do you think this might take?”

Princess Celestia smiled patiently at her, “I couldn’t tell you, Twilight, but hopefully not too long. I don’t want to take up too much of Samael’s time if it can be helped.”

Samael gazed at Princess Celestia with an intensely curious gaze, ‘Well, at least she’s considerate—’ and his thoughts were cut off by a tap on his shoulder. His head turned to regard a beaming Twilight Sparkle, ‘...I already hate this. I hate everything right now.’

“Mr. Samael, do you think that maybe we could watch one of your films while we wait?” asked Twilight with a radiant smile on her face, “It’d be a wonderful chance to see what entertains humans! We could each pick one as a candidate and leave the final decision to you to decide what would be best for us to see.”

‘...Oh god, no. Why would she ask that? I don’t want to potentially clean up vomit if these innocent gals saw a Quentin Tarantino flick—Wait! Lindsay left her collection here! Disney, save me!’ thought Samael before he nervously smiled, “Well, I, uh, I don’t really see why not. But if none of you pick anything appropriate, I’ll uh, I’ll try to find one I’m sure you’ll enjoy.” He tried not to think too hard about the excited looks on the mares’ faces, turning to Princess Celestia and Captain Peace Lily and noting with amusement that their expressions were sheer confusion, “Uh, I’ll meet you two upstairs, if that’s alright?”

Captain Peace Lily looked ready to protest, but was quickly stopped by Princess Celestia placing a hand on her shoulder. “Of course, we’ll await you patiently. Come along, Captain,” said the princess as she lead the other mare toward, then up, the stairs.

‘Not looking forward to that. At all. Oh well, better let these gals pick out their movies. All else fails, I can just throw in something mindless for them,’ thought Samael. He motioned for the mares to follow him, making sure they were when he stepped into a side room he neglected to show them before. Inside on one side of the room were shelves full of DVDs and on the other side was a very well taken care of grand piano. He certainly had to get a good one to keep his piano wire purchases from seeming too suspicious. That and he certainly enjoyed tickling the ivories from time to time.

Rarity was simply beside herself with glee, even as the other mares browsed the shelves of Samael’s films, “Oh my, darling! That is a very gorgeous piano! Do you play?” She bat her eyelashes flirtatiously, smiling to herself at the light blush on his face.

“Well, from time to time, yes. I had lessons when I was still in school. I admit that I hated them at the time, but they grew on me. But seeing as how I don’t want to keep your Princess waiting, you should really pick out something,” said Samael, pointing towards the shelves.

“Well, perhaps in the future you could indulge me, darling. I would very much love to hear you play,” said Rarity, now turning towards the films with a critical eye and humming thoughtfully before a title seemed to just jump out at her.

Rainbow Dash snickered to herself, eyeing one movie in particular, “So. Whose are these? I feel like these aren’t just yours.” She grabbed the movie with a salacious grin.

“Well, uh, a good portion of these belong to my old...assistant. She had a few different tastes in films than I did, so there should be enough variety,” said Samael, not noticing the odd, perverted grin on Rainbow Dash’s face while looking through the movies himself.

Fluttershy let out a soft “OH!” of excitement when she found her choice. Pinkie Pie giggle-snorted to herself, pulling out her selection with a wide grin. Twilight Sparkle gasped softly when she found one that seemed to be mathematical in nature, at least from the odd title. Applejack simply pulled hers from the shelf.

Samael gathered up the cases that the mares handed him, noting which ones gave him which movies, “Alright, let’s see here. Applejack picked Goodfellas? It’s a pretty good one, but I don’t think you ladies would like it very much.” He shifted the cases around as Applejack just shrugged, “Twilight Sparkle picked...The Matrix?”

“It’s about math, right? I’m sure that with all your technologies that humans know a lot about math! And just Twilight is fine, Mr. Samael,” said Twilight, smiling sweetly.

He shrugged, “No need for the Mister in that case then, Twilight, but...Uh. Not really about math? It’s a film about a dystopian future.” Shifting the cases around again, he looked at Pinkie Pie’s choice for a moment before finally letting out a short mirthful chuckle, “Pulp Fiction from Pinkie Pie. Yeah, that’s not going to happen.”

Pinkie Pie giggled and smiled widely, “I didn’t think it would! I just got a feeling it’d make you laugh and you looked like you need one! And we’re friends, silly! Call me Pinkie!”

Samael just nodded, looking down at the next choice, “Heat, picked by Rainbow Dash…Nope.” He stared at her, still wondering what was so funny even as the other mares rolled their eyes at her choice.

Rainbow Dash snickered, holding her hands up slightly defensively, “I didn’t expect it to get picked anyway. By the way, just Rainbow.” She winked with a cocky grin.

“Fine. And we have...The Princess Bride? Good choice, Rarity, one of my favorites actually. But, uh. I’d rather this be watched with me in the room to enjoy it too,” said Samael, setting aside the DVD for later.

Rarity beamed at the praise, “Thank you, darling! It just simply popped to me and it sounds like a very wonderful and romantic film! I do hope to watch it in the future, darling.”

He nodded with a slight smile before looking down at the final choice and then up at the fidgeting Fluttershy, “This is a good one, Fluttershy. Think we’ll go with this.” He held up the case to show the rest of the mares, “The Lion King. Part of my old assistant’s collection. She loved movies like this.”

Fluttershy smiled widely, ecstatic that not only did her choice get picked, but it was apparently good, “Oh, that’s wonderful. I can’t wait to see it.”

Samael swept from the room with the movie in his hands, the mares following him closely and all but Twilight sat down on the couch. This was too good an opportunity for the unicorn to pass up in watching this new technology being utilized. He shot her a brief look of annoyance when she got in the way, but set up the film to play for the mares without much trouble otherwise. He gave Twilight a quick rundown to the remotes for the DVD player and TV, namely the pause/play button along with the volume button for the TV and informed her that she really should not mess with anything more than that.

~~

~~

‘Heh. Like a bunch of kids, really. They’re all just downright enthralled by the movie. Good, even if they said they wouldn’t listen in, I trust they’ll want to focus more on the movie than what might come up,’ thought Samael, walking upstairs slowly and gathering his will to prepare himself. He spotted the two mares he had sent up earlier huddled together in a hushed conversation and cleared his throat to make his presence known.

Captain Peace Lily jumped at the noise, but Princess Celestia seemed unfazed as she straightened up with that motherly smile from earlier plastered on her face. The Captain stepped forward, seemingly first in the questioning to come.

“Before we start, I would like to thank you for your assistance in the capture and incarceration of those griffins. You saved me and my recruits a great deal of grief and pain and for that, I...we are grateful,” said Captain Peace Lily, bowing slightly with a warm smile, “That said, I have just one question.” She raised her voice a little, turning very curious and just a little distraught, “HOW!?”

He smirked with amusement, still deciding whether or not to give her the whole truth at this point, “Well, uh. The element of surprise.” His smirk faded slightly as the guard did not seem the least bit amused at his answer, but his attention focused on the princess when she stepped forward slightly and placed a hand on Captain Peace Lily’s shoulder.

Princess Celestia looked down at him with a reassuring smile, “Please, Samael. You’ve done us a great service and I assure you that we aren’t angry. The truth, please?”

He looked between the two slowly, trying to find some sort of deception before nodding slightly. He reached back to unhook the flashbang from his belt, holding it up for the two mares to see, “This. This was the main reason I got the drop on those griffins.”

Captain Peace Lily looked at the odd tube for a moment before recognition dawned on her, “Hey, yeah, we saw one of those at the scene of the fight! What the hay is that?” Princess Celestia studied the odd device with a curious look.

Samael raised an eyebrow at this, ‘Ah, hm. Forgot about cleanup. Dammit.’ and turned the flashbang around to let them get a full view of it, “Uh, well. It’s a stun grenade. Designed to disorient for about twenty to thirty seconds without permanent injury.” He gestured to the pin, “Pull this, throw it out, and what happens is a loud bang and a bright flash of light. And the concussive force behind it can disrupt the inner ear.”

Captain Peace Lily’s jaw dropped at this explanation and Princess Celestia ruminated on the potential uses. Such simplicity and complexity all in one. The Captain reached out for the flashbang without thinking only for him to pull it away. She frowned at this, “What? Don’t trust me?”

“Simply put? No, I don’t,” he said, ignoring her slightly hurt expression. “Look, this is not a toy. As non-lethal as it’s designed to be, it can still be dangerous in the wrong circumstances. I wouldn’t trust anyone with this, unless they specifically knew what it could be capable of.”

Princess Celestia held out her hand with the clear intent of asking for the flashbang, “We understand it’s not a toy, Samael, but I would like to ask to take possession of such a device so that we may study it and reproduce it. If such a device allowed you to take on four griffins on your own with minimal injury when most of my guards cannot say the same for even a single griffin, it would be a wondrous asset to alleviate many casualties in the future.”

Samael just stared at her hand for a moment, clearly still debating on whether or not it’s a good idea just to hand it over before finally looking the princess in the eyes, “Fine. When you get more of these made, though, I want some. That alright?” At her radiant smile and nod, he placed the flashbang in her hand and watched her carefully put it away in a bag he had not noticed earlier.

Captain Peace Lily harrumphed softly before speaking once again, “You only answered part of how you did it. How in the world did you manage to utterly break those griffins? Again, most of my recruits couldn’t boast those capabilities and they’re quite a bit larger than you.”

He scoffed, regarding this bit of information with more than a little contempt, “Listen, sweetheart, size isn’t everything. It’s what you do with what you have that makes all the difference,” and grinned slightly as he realized what he was saying, “It’s the motion of the ocean, not the size of the boat.”

The Captain blushed deeply, even as Princess Celestia laughed behind her hand, “Th-That’s not what I meant! Just answer the question, please.” She shook her head slightly to work out her blush.

‘It’s your fault for getting me on that tangent in the first place, but fine,’ thought Samael, clearing his throat to speak once again, “Well, uh, guess the answer is that I just have better combat training than your recruits.”

The two mares exchanged looks of surprise and quickly turned their gaze back onto him. Captain Peace Lily spoke up first, “What sort of combat training? Why would you need it? I mean. I’m not opposed to everypony learning to defend themselves, but…” she trailed off as she wondered how to put it delicately.

“Krav Maga. A form of martial arts that consists of a wide variety of practical techniques taken from other forms of martial arts. And for why I needed it, I’d rather not say,” he interrupted with a slight scowl.

“But, a stallion like you shouldn’t have to—” the Captain started before the princess stopped her once more with a hand on her shoulder, prompting a raised eyebrow from Samael as he wondered what he shouldn’t have to do.

“For later, Captain. I still have a few questions and while I too am curious, there is a much more pressing question we must ask at the moment,” said Princess Celestia, her gaze turning stern for the first time, “How did you know how to disassemble the griffins’ weapons?”

Her horn glowed, causing the evidence bag with the disassembled weapon to appear to emphasize her question, “After all, we only found out that it could be taken apart by accident. And I find it difficult to believe that this would be your first time encountering such a thing with such circumstances. So please, the truth. Again, I assure you, and I hope you believe this, we won’t be angry. Especially so if you can explain how you did it in the middle of combat.”

‘I was hoping this wouldn’t come up, but I really should have seen it coming. Hell, I should’ve taken the fucking gun with me,’ he thought as he hesitated. For a few moments, he stared at the Luger in the bag, keeping his eyes averted from the mares’ gazes. Rubbing his temple, he finally looked at their expectant looks.

“Guess it had to come out sooner or later. I would’ve preferred later, but…” he said, pointing at the Luger, “That. Is something that humans came up with. That particular one is a Swiss Parabellum Model 1900 Luger. Several decades out of date, but I knew how to disassemble it because I had an interest in one for my collection. The previous owner had taken me through disassembly and reassembly for cleaning purposes.”

The bag dropped to the floor, shock completely overtaking the mares’ faces. Princess Celestia recovered first, clearing her throat and picking up the bag in her magic again, “Well, that is...that is somewhat disquieting. But it certainly makes sense, especially seeing as how nothing like this has ever been on Equus before other than the passing similarity to that of a cannon. Could you perhaps...Show us the process?”

Another evidence bag with an intact Luger appeared to float in front of Samael. He regarded the pistol inside the bag for a moment before looking at them with pure disbelief etched on his face, “Are you fucking serious?”

They jumped slightly at the sudden vulgarity, but their questions died out as he ripped open the bag, pulled out the ammo holder, and pulled back the top of the weapon to cause one piece of ammo to fly out which he caught.

“It was still fucking loaded! What is wrong with you!? I realize you wouldn’t know gun safety at all, but that’s common fucking sense!” he glared at them with sudden venom, sighing when he noticed their ears pinning back, “Look. I...I shouldn’t have snapped like that, but come on! Can you blame me?” He studied the bullet that had come out of the chamber, noting how it was scaled up just like the Luger as he had expected and noting the misshapen nature of the actual projectile.

Captain Peace Lily shivered slightly at the cold glare he had aimed at her and the princess, her ears still slightly pinned back, “I suppose we can’t, but we didn’t know!” She turned to Princess Celestia, “We should send out a memo about that, shouldn’t we?” At the princess’s nod, she turned back and motioned for Samael to move on.

“Well, keep in mind that if you take one of these away from someone, the idea is that you need to make it safe if you’re not going to use it yourself. Taking out the magazine, clearing the chamber, and turning on the safety,” he said, flicking the switch above the pistol grip on the left side, “are a big part of that and it’s usually enough if you separate the pistol from the mag, usually done by throwing them in opposite directions. But in a protracted fight, it’d be easy for an opponent to gather them up again, especially if you’re stunned. In that case, you should disassemble it.”

He made sure they were watching when he pressed his palm against the end of the barrel, pulling down a switch on the left side with his thumb, flicking off the side plate with the other thumb, and pulling the barrel assembly free from the rest of the pistol.

While the princess wrote down all this information, Captain Peace Lily held out the bag and Samael dropped the pieces of the Luger into it. She raised an eyebrow as she watched him looking a piece of ammo over, “That too, sir.”

He shook his head slowly, “If it’s all the same to you, I’d like to keep this to study a bit further. I have the ones I was hit with, but I’d rather the whole thing to see exactly what’s going on with it.” He heard a gun hit the floor yet again and he sighed, “Do you think you could stop dropping those things on my floor? It’ll take forever to buff out.”

Samael realized what he had said when he noticed the utter shock and tension that permeated the hallway, ‘Oh. Right. Probably shouldn’t have said I was hit. Shit.’

Captain Peace Lily spluttered out, “You. Hit. How. Not. Wounded. HOW!? Our armor barely even slows those things down!”

“Well, to be fair, I did get grazed on my arm, but the doctor healed that right up. As for how I didn’t get more than a few bruises,” he said before pulling off his shirt to show his ballistic vest. “Some would call this a bulletproof vest, but that’s a little misleading as it’s really only highly bullet resistant to a point. So I prefer to call it a ballistic vest.”

He held up a hand when he noticed Princess Celestia looking like she wanted to ask for it, “And unlike the flashbang, I’m fine with simply handing this over. Especially seeing as how this one’s a bit banged up and I have plenty more for myself.” He unstrapped and pulled off the vest, watching it disappear with a flash of the princess’s magic, ‘Good thing I have guns that can get through one of these easily if the need arises.’

Captain Peace Lily regarded him with a great deal of suspicion, “You’re able to take down four griffins by yourself. You positively broke them, one of them won’t even be able to eat again without a prosthetic. You claim to have combat training and can take apart one of those we-Lugers with ease, claiming to have a collection. Those stunners of yours don’t seem like they would suit a civilian’s needs. And that vest of yours clinches it. What do you do? Really.”

Samael flinched, realizing he gave out too much information especially in front of a cop and he smiled ruefully, pulling his shirt back on, “Trust me, you don’t want to know.”

Captain Peace Lily looked furious at this stallion’s uncooperative nature and seemed ready to just outright arrest him for obstruction until Princess Celestia walked toward him slowly with a sad smile on her face.

“Listen to me, Samael. I understand that if your previous line of work was unpleasant, you would not want to openly discuss it, but I truly hope you realize how we cannot fully trust you unless you are completely and openly honest with us,” she said, placing her hands on his shoulders comfortingly, “Anything you tell us, I swear to you, will be held in utmost confidence. If you so wish, the only ones that will know will be myself, Captain Peace Lily, and my sister: Princess Luna. You have done nothing but help us and as long as you continue to do so, we will protect you and your secrets.”

He locked eyes with Princess Celestia’s pleading gaze for a few moments before looking over at Captain Peace Lily, her previous fury gone and replaced with begrudging compliance with her princess’s wishes. His rueful smile returned, “Fine. Fair enough. As long as I have your support...”

At her smiling nod, Samael shrugged off Princess Celestia’s grip to walk over to the blank stretch of wall hiding his gun room, “I’m tired of looking over my shoulder anyway. I’ve had to do it for the past few years.” He opened the panel hiding the keypad, “To put it bluntly? I’m an assassin.”

Captain Peace Lily laughed nervously and spoke somewhat desperately, “Ah-heh-heh. That’s a good one. That’s...You’re joking...Right? You really don’t kill for fun, right?”

After inputting the code, he turned to the Captain to stare at her with a sardonic expression, his tone taking on a practiced and cool professionality that he normally used for clients, “It’s not a joke. And like hell I kill for fun. That’s actually really insulting. It’s never for fun and very rarely personal. It’s all for a paycheck. Think of it this way: If I’m at your door, if I’m there to kill you, chances are you did something to bring me there. You should read some of the files for the jobs I’ve done. They deserved what they got.”

Captain Peace Lily fought down her urge to run when she heard the chill behind his voice, ‘No wonder he’s so awkward normally. I feel like pissing myself and getting the fuck out of here.’ She looked over to Princess Celestia for support and was met with a reassuring, if wary smile. Their eyes were drawn to the wall being pushed along smoothly and their jaws dropped as they spotted his armory.

Samael stepped inside the room, looking around slowly and speaking in that same low tone, “Like I said, years of combat training, though this wasn’t meant to be the end result. I was being prepped by my father into following his lead into the military. It was his way of showing fatherly affection by making sure I could defend myself and potentially my country from danger. Only...my mother’s business dealings were rather...unsavory. And needed some heavy-handed enforcement.”

Princess Celestia hesitantly spoke, “I...I see. That’s unfortunate, but what led to...all this? What sequence of events could’ve possibly pushed you into this?” and she shivered slightly, looking at the much more advanced types of the weapons that had plagued her and her country, even some she didn’t recognize.

He stopped to regard her for a few seconds before turning to the shelf he had been looking for, “It’s complicated. But it all boils down to the fact that I was in a dark place and I couldn’t find my way out. It was at that moment where all I could think was that I really wanted to kill someone. Before that, all it had been was just bruises, broken bones, and intimidation.”

Soon, he found what he had been looking for and pulled a compound bow from the shelf, holding it out to the two mares, “Now, I really don’t like the idea of having to train anyone in gun safety, nor the idea of someone shooting themselves in the face because of one of mine. You’re on your own for the griffins’ guns, just remember to empty them out. But, you need to update yourselves a bit. This is a compound bow, much more energy efficient and accurate than any of your best longbows.”

Captain Peace Lily hesitantly took the bow, “What the hay do you mean by more energy efficient? It just looks—OH!” She had pulled on the bowstring until the pulleys took over, “That was at least forty-five kilos of draw weight to get here and now it’s practically effortless to hold! How did we not think of this?” and she carefully let the string slowly return to its original position, “What about arrows?”

Samael grabbed the case that had rested below the bow, opening it to reveal twelve carbon arrows and a variety of different arrowheads. He silently pulled one out and screwed on one of the arrowheads to demonstrate, allowing them to see the overall effect before taking it back off and placing it in the case once more. He smirked at their gobsmacked expressions, “Take it, I never found much use for it anyway and I’m really out of practice with my archery.”

Princess Celestia gathered up the bow and the case in her magic to send them off to Canterlot and she smiled gratefully at him while the objects disappeared with a flash of light, “Thank you very much, Samael. That is very generous of you.”

Captain Peace Lily cast a wary look at him, “Well, not that I’m complaining or anything, but why are you even helping us? We know next to nothing about you and I’m sure the same applies to you about us. For that matter, where the hay are you from and how did you even get here?”

Princess Celestia looked around at all the weapons on the shelves, “I must admit, Samael. All of these exotic weapons drive home the fact that you are not native to Equestria, so I too am curious of your origins and arrival.”

He let out a soft humorless laugh, “I was wondering when this would come up. The reason why I’m helping you? I’d be a complete idiot not to. Like I said, I’m tired of looking over my shoulder, hoping not to get caught. However, I will say this: I have my morals and while they may be twisted by even human standards, they say that killing someone with whom you can have a civilized discussion to put food on the dinner table is so unbelievably wrong that it needs to be punished.”

Samael waited while the two mares exchanged satisfied smiles at this, making sure their attention was upon him once more before continuing, “As for where I came from, it’s hardly relevant. I could throw out names you’d never understand and it wouldn’t answer your question. For how I got here? I can’t say how, but as long as I’m here, I should probably try to clean up the mess caused by those griffins.”

Princess Celestia, despite feeling that there was more to his answer than that, simply nodded, “I suppose that answers enough. But let me ask this of you...” her voice and expression turned very stern, “How can I be sure that you will not harm my little ponies? I admit you’ve had a good track record thus far, but I do have to look out for my citizens.”

“Well, I took you at your word, so I hope you can do the same for me. I give you my word that I will strive to not harm anyone who doesn’t deserve it. Though if it comes down to self-defense or defense of others, someone is going to the hospital, and it probably won't be me,” he said, staring the princess in the eyes.

Princess Celestia frowned a tiny amount at his phrasing, but nodded, “I suppose that’s agreeable. Just keep in mind that I will not tolerate undue behavior. Understood?”

At Samael’s nod, she smiled, “Good. Of course, there is the matter of your citizenship in Equestria. I’m afraid there’s a bit of red tape there due to current events, but I can have the forms sent over soon to help take off a bit of the time required.”

“That’s fair. I’d actually be a little disappointed in your security if it were easy,” he said, leading them out of his armory on his way out. He made sure they were clear before sliding the wall panel back into place and covering the keypad once more.

“I’m afraid I’m going to have to employ one last caveat, Samael,” said Princess Celestia with a somewhat nervous smile, “I know we agreed to take each other at our words, but after a little thought, I think it would be best if you were to allow Captain Peace Lily quarters in your home.”

“...Excuse me?” he said as he turned towards Princess Celestia with a steely glare, “What’s the deal here? Is there some ‘guilty until proven innocent’ sort of thing here?”

Princess Celestia gave him an apologetic look, “No, no, nothing like that, I assure you. I would like for her to be here so that you don’t have to be overly involved in matters of the guard. At the same time, if there are griffins causing havoc, you’ll be informed whether or not you need to be involved.”

Samael stared at her in disbelief, ‘Am I just not allowed any privacy here?...Does...Does that word even have any meaning here?’ and threw his hands up in defeat, “You know what? Fine. I can handle a guest, but she’d better be the only one.”

Princess Celestia laughed softly. “Of course, only her. Captain? I trust you have no objections to this course of action?” she asked, mouthing to her “keep him safe” as soon as his attention was on the guard.

“No objections, my princess. I understand and will undertake my duty to the best of my abilities,” Captain Peace Lily said, quickly standing at attention and saluting, ‘This’ll be a good chance to chip away at that wall he’s built around himself. Maybe get in some...full contact training too.’ She waited for the princess to return the salute before walking downstairs swiftly, calling over her shoulder, “I’ll go get packed, you can show me where I’m sleeping after lunch.”

Samael pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head slowly, ‘Yeah, out in the yard.’ He moved to follow her downstairs, only to be stopped by a hand on his shoulder, “...Are you serious right now? What now?”

“Oh, just a very minor matter of protocol. I noticed that you have yet to bow,” Princess Celestia said with a teasing lilt to her voice.

He turned around slowly, noting her amused, non-judgmental smile and gave her a smirk in return, “Well, I’m not a citizen yet, am I? Besides, where I come from, a man’s house is his castle and he is king. So...You bow first, sweetheart.”

Princess Celestia smiled playfully, laughing softly behind her hand, “Oh my, how presumptuous of me. My apologies,” and she gave a slight bow with a wink. “Just between you and me, I don’t mind. However, I would definitely recommend following protocol in public. My little ponies are sticklers for that sort of thing and some of them would become very offended if you didn’t,” she said before making her way downstairs.

‘Huh. Well, that happened. Didn’t think that would work, actually. Oh well, bonus. And that “my little ponies” thing? Sounds kinda dumb. They’re not little at all. Well, most of them anyway,’ thought Samael as he made his way downstairs, ‘Though to her, I guess they would be little. But I’ve met heavyweight boxers smaller than her...’

~~

~~

He paused at the bottom of the stairs, looking in on the sitting room from where he was standing and watching the mares exchange parting words with the princess before she followed the Captain out of the house, ‘Glad that’s over, now to try to get the rest of them out so I can get a workout in to get rid of all this tension.’ He flinched as his stomach grumbled out its emptiness, ‘Ugh, that’s right. They want me with them for lunch. God. Dammit.’

Stepping into the sitting room, Samael looked at the movie still playing and sighed to himself as he spotted the timer on the DVD player, ‘And I spent almost an hour playing metaphorical grabass with those two. Would’ve been better spent playing literal grabass, especially with the big one. But oh well, can’t have everything.’ He wondered whether he should attempt to get them out now or just wait for the movie to end.

He was pulled from that line of thinking when Pinkie noticed him, having taken over his chair since he had vacated it. She smiled broadly, hopping up onto one of the armrests and patting the chair to invite him into sitting down. He sighed to himself and shrugged, ‘Might as well. At least I’ll know when the movie’s over so we can eat.’

Making sure to stay quiet so he didn’t disturb the other mares, Samael made his way over to his chair and sat down swiftly. He was barely able to get comfortable when Pinkie giggled and slid off the armrest into his lap. He resisted the intense urge to flinch and shove her away as she wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug and rubbed her cheek into his before her focus turned back to the movie.

‘...I think my cheek was just molested. I need an adult...’

~~

~~

Samael rubbed his temples slowly, trying desperately to rid himself of the headache building. Why. Why did he show them The Lion King? Especially with that damnable Hakuna Matata song that Pinkie insisted on singing until Rainbow and Applejack both held her mouth shut to tell her to stop, only to have her start humming it instead. It certainly didn’t help that Twilight had complicated matters with questions about the quadrupedal zebras she had seen in the movie.

How was he supposed to know they too were bipedal here? This also led to a brief discussion over whether or not ponies existed in his world and the resultant shock from the surrounding ponies over his world’s ponies being unintelligent quadrupeds was an all-too-brief reprieve. Pinkie just resumed her very loud humming, which Applejack and Rainbow seemed to deem appropriate so there was no help from those two this time.

Samael jumped when Pinkie decided that a surprise hug was appropriate and before he could react otherwise, she resumed her position at the front of the group. Rarity giggled softly as she noticed the poor stallion’s predicament, keeping pace next to him and leaning in to whisper in his ear, “Pinkie’s a dear, darling. You just have to get used to her.”

He groaned softly, glancing around at all the ponies passing by with their eyes glued to him, “Not just her. I’m getting a little tired of the stares. My old job had me keeping a low profile and I just...got used to it. Enjoyed it, even.” He turned to Rarity, “Are you sure about where we’re going by the way? ‘Sugarcube Corner’ certainly doesn’t sound like it’d have anything sugar-free for a proper lunch.”

Before Rarity could even open her mouth to answer, Pinkie was by his other side, clinging to his arm and already speaking excitedly, “Mm-hmm! Mr. and Mrs. Cake have been trying to expand the business lately! They want ponies to come for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and stay for dessert, dessert, and dessert!” She briefly rubbed her cheek against his shoulder, “I’m not too good at the stuff without sugar, but Mr. and Mrs. Cake have been getting really good at it!”

‘I should’ve put on sunglasses...And another vest, but that’s for a different reason,’ thought Samael as he watched Pinkie hop back to the front of the group, trying to keep his eyes above her waist and off her jiggling backside. He turned to Rarity again to whisper, “Alright, so, she’s done it twice now, what’s with the cheek thing?”

She smiled gently with a refined laugh, “It’s just a friendly show of affection, darling. A nuzzle, to be precise. You’ll get used to it, I’m sure. Ponies love to make sure our friends know that we love them,” and she hooked her arm under his to lean in and nuzzle her cheek into his.

‘...I’m not sure how I feel about this, but it’s harmless enough. As long as they don’t surprise me with it. But they will. I know they will...And will Hansel and Gretel please stand up and run the fuck away?’ he thought, spotting the gingerbread house-like building out of which he half expected a witch to exit and offer to fatten him up. Samael watched Pinkie lead the way into the building and sighed inwardly, ‘Oh, how silly of me. Of course this is Sugarcube Corner. I’m getting a cavity already and I haven’t even eaten.’

Once inside, he found himself being gently led over to one of the larger tables off to the side, grumbling inaudibly to himself when each pony in the place noticed him one by one, ‘Yeah, yeah. Stare openly and constantly. That’s cool. Makes me feel so fucking welcome.’ He seated himself swiftly in one of the chairs that had a view of both the front door and a window to the side, ‘At this point, I don’t even care. I just want to eat and get back to the safehouse.’

Rarity looked slightly put out when Samael had torn himself from her grip, but shook it off as she noticed his look of unease, ‘Oh, poor dear. This must be so difficult for him, but I’m certainly glad he’s trying.’ She sat down to his right with comforting smile with Applejack taking her set to his left. Pinkie galloped off towards the kitchen with a broad grin, calling out for Mrs. Cake. Once the rest of the mares were seated, the other patrons seemed to pull their attentions back onto their meals and pastries, though not without the occasional glance at the strange new stallion among them.

Pinkie came back swiftly with a small pile of menus, “Mrs. Cake says she’ll be out soon to take our orders!” She set the pile down on the table and helpfully handed one out to each of them before taking her seat.

Samael looked over both sides of the menu, noting that the section for actual meals was rather small and added in after all the dessert items, ‘Not very much to speak of here. Well, Pinkie did say they just started doing savory items. Blackened trout? That’ll work.’ He set his menu down just in time to spot the short, plump, light blue mare with a pink mane that looked like what one might find as frosting on a cupcake coming out of the kitchen.

Mrs. Cake approached the table her pad and pencil in hand and smiled warmly, “Good to see you all with appetites after that scare today, dearies. What’ll it be?” She looked expectantly around the table.

Rarity placed her hand on Samael’s arm when it looked like he was ready to give his order, “Well, before we order, darling, be sure to put me and Samael here on the same bill. He just arrived here so he doesn’t have any bits.” Mrs. Cake nodded at this as she made note on her pad, looking at him ready to take down his order.

“I, uhm. Thanks, Rarity,” he said, earning a radiant smile from the white mare in return.

One by one, they gave their orders: blackened trout for Samael, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash; carrot soup for Twilight and Fluttershy; lentil soup for Applejack; and a grilled lettuce, spinach, and tomato sub for Pinkie. Soon after Mrs. Cake left to hand off the orders, she came back with a tray of chilled bottles, placing one in front of each of them, “Here you are, dearies. Berry Punch’s new cranberry and raspberry juice.”

“So, darling,” said Rarity when Mrs. Cake had taken her leave to help with their orders, “I believe you mentioned having an assistant before you came to be in Equestria. I imagine she helped you with your business, but were you two...close?”

Before he could answer, Twilight spluttered into her drink before coughing out, “OH MY GOSH, I FORGOT ABOUT SPIKE!” and teleported away with a flash of purple light.

‘Well, that just happened. Also, goddammit, she can teleport too. I swear, if she starts teleporting into my house, I’ll pick her up, put her outside the door, and tell her to ring the fucking doorbell,’ thought Samael as he stared at the spot previously occupied by Twilight. He turned to Rarity, “She forget to feed her dog or something?”

She giggled softly, patting his arm playfully, “Oh no, darling. Spikey-wikey is Twilight’s assistant dragon. She must’ve told him that she’d be back soon and lost track of time.”

He raised an eyebrow at her nickname for Twilight’s assistant, but shrugged, “Alright, guess I’ll wait for her to get—Wait, dragon? As in…” He trailed off, looking at Rarity expectantly.

“Oh, don’t worry, darling. He’s still a young dragon and not like the feral dragons one might find if one is unlucky. He’s always such a sweet little helper,” said Rarity.

‘...I’m no closer to actual knowledge than when I started. Oh well, humor her,’ thought Samael, just nodding to at least pretend like he understood.

Right as Mrs. Cake came out with some of their orders, she was already looking at Twilight’s empty spot with confusion when she teleported back in with a deadpan look on her face.

“Spike ate my pancakes as soon as I left. But he’s fine and waiting on me to explain everything when I get back home again. After he gets over his stomachache from eating too many sweets,” she said, sitting down and shooting a glare at Rainbow who had been holding back giggles the entire time, but had broken out into hearty guffaws once she’d heard Twilight’s explanation.

“Oh, I hope he’s alright,” Fluttershy breathed out after thanking Mrs. Cake for her soup. “Last time, poor Angel needed three baths to get all the gemstones out of his fur.” She frowned as this only caused Rainbow to laugh even harder.

‘Feel like I’m missing some context here, but I really don’t want to know,’ he thought. He looked around to notice their eyes locked on him expectantly, “Oh, right, my old assistant. Well, uh, yes, she did help with my business and she was great at it, even if she wasn’t particularly in love with the role because it was kind of demanding. As for how close we were? We didn’t really work as more than friends, really.”

Samael flinched inwardly at the mares’ looks of sympathy, ‘Please don’t let them get super touchy-feely-huggy now. I don’t think this chair could take all their weight on me.’ He silently thanked the universe when Mrs. Cake finally finished laying out their orders and their attentions all turned to thanking her with him following suit before she left.

After the meal, a tall, lanky yellowish-orange stallion with an orange mane and a rather distinctive underbite walked up to their table with pad and pencil ready. Pinkie greeted the newcomer with an enthusiastic, “Hi, Mr. Cake!”

“Nice to see you, Pinkie! I hope you all enjoyed your meals. I’ve been tweaking the recipes to get them just right,” said Mr. Cake, smiling genially at the group and standing ready to take their dessert orders.

‘Alright. Not the best, but I'd have it again, maybe,’ thought Samael, simply nodding instead, ready to just leave without incident. ‘Ugh, I’m going to have to get dessert, aren’t I? Pinkie practically sweats sugar, so she’d at least pitch a fit if I didn’t. My poor teeth.’

He reluctantly looked over the menu for the lightest thing he could get while the mares gave out their orders, ‘Oh god, all of this is just a ton of sugar and butter. I can feel the diabetes already...I wonder if they’d give me shit if I just got a single cherry.’ Finally, he found something that wouldn’t send him into an immediate sugar coma just in time for Mr. Cake to turn to him, “I’ll have a small slice of the chocolate cake with marshmallow frosting.” He handed his menu over as he thought, ‘I sure as hell hope that small isn’t code for as big as my head.’

Samael sighed inwardly in relief when the cake turned out to be reasonably sized, at least compared to the larger desserts his companions had ordered. Especially so compared to Pinkie’s half a dozen cupcakes.

Twilight was halfway through her gargantuan slice of apple pie à la mode when her eyes went wide and she swallowed her current mouthful before speaking, “Oh! I almost forgot! Samael, Dr. Saccharine Smile says that you should get back to the hospital sometime! I can get you an appointment for tomorrow afternoon, if you like.”

‘...God. Dammit.’

~~

~~

With their bellies filled and the bills taken care of afterwards, each of the mares aside from Rainbow gave Samael their thanks and farewells. That meant a hug and nuzzle from each except Fluttershy who only gave a quick, shy hug before flying off, hurriedly saying something about her animals. Rainbow threw an arm around his shoulders with a wide grin, “Come on, dude. Let’s get you home. I’ll make sure nopony tries to bother you!”

Samael nodded, allowing her to lead him on, ‘Well, that’s better than a bop on the nose with a hot poker. And goddammit, they’re still staring. Why?’ He looked around slowly before noticing, ‘...Alright, so, why have the only other guys I’ve seen been Mr. Cake and...Does Discord even count? That’s...That’s actually kinda scary. Oh wait. There’s Twilight’s assistant.’ He pondered this even as Rainbow talked about how awesome today had been despite the griffin scare, making note of maybe three or four other stallions in town that he could see, ‘They must all be at work or something. That’s the only sane explanation.’

These thoughts and their tangents were interrupted by them arriving to his safehouse’s door, ‘Finally. Hopefully, I can have at least a little peace and quiet before I have to put up with more nonsense.’

Rainbow looked around a bit as though checking for witnesses before giving him a quick hug and nuzzle, “Seeya later! Gotta go get a nap in before I have to get back to work! It was awesome meeting you and stuff!” and with that, she quickly let go and flew off into the distance.

Samael sighed deeply when he was finally alone with his thoughts, ‘How has today been so damn long and it’s not even night yet?’ He entered his house swiftly, shutting the door behind himself and digging in his pockets for the bullet he had taken earlier, ‘Hopefully I can check this out before that guard gets here.’ He set the bullet down on his coffee table in front of the couch before charging upstairs to his armory.

He pulled a box of ammo from a shelf below his pistols and grabbed a bullet disassembly tool, closing the wall behind himself. He made it halfway to his room to get the bullets he had been hit with when he heard a couple hard knocks at the door, ‘Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, DAMN IT!’ He scooped them up and stuffed them into his pocket, heading back downstairs with a scowl. Setting the box of ammo and the tool down on the table next to the griffin’s bullet, he steeled his resolve on the way to the door.

He opened the door to find Captain Peace Lily standing there with her hand up ready to knock again. Before he noticed her suitcase and travel bag, he was momentarily stunned by the fact that she was standing there wearing a sundress of rose pink and royal blue swirled together.

She looked slightly defensive at his disbelief, “What!?”

Samael shook his head silently before reaching over to the side of the door, pointing at the doorbell and then when her eyes were focused on it, pressed it down to let the buzz clearly sound.

“Ooh, I was kind of wondering what that was for,” Captain Peace Lily said shifting slightly on her hooves. “So, are we just going to stand here or what?”

He pulled himself out of his stupor and stepped back inside, ‘Built like a wrestling diva, almost like Applejack, and wearing a frilly dress. I need to stop being surprised at this point.’ He made his way to the kitchen, “Uh, just set your stuff down anywhere for now, I was about to look at that bullet. Keep the door open, I’m going back outside for this.” He dug through his cabinets, finally selecting a pure white plate he would’ve thrown away anyway and grabbing a barbecue lighter.

She looked at him like he was crazy when he returned with a plate and an odd device she’d never seen before, “Alright, I don’t know what you’re doing, but you do know what you’re doing, right?”

“More or less, enough to get on with,” Samael said as he tucked the bullet into his pocket next to the others and gathered up his supplies from earlier. He stepped outside, raising an eyebrow as Captain Peace Lily followed him.

“Hey, I want to see too. It’s kind of my job!” she said, blinking as he piled up the objects he had gathered onto the plate and jumping slightly when he handed them to her. “This isn’t! What am I supposed to do with this!?”

“Just hold onto it for now,” he called over his shoulder, stepping back into his house.

Captain Peace Lily huffed slightly before looking down curiously at what she was holding, ‘What the fuck does this mean? .45...ACP? What even is this?’ She looked up when she heard him coming back, eyeing the odd metal contraption he came back out with “Hey, what are these anyway? And what is that?”

Samael folded out the legs of the small foldable tray table he had pulled from the closet next to his front door, “Table. And those are my bullets.” He chuckled softly when her eyes went wide and looked back down at the objects she was holding. After making sure the tray table was stable, he grabbed the plate and set it down.

“So, by bullets, you mean those metal things that go into and then come out of the...Lugers and the...other things that the griffins have?” said Captain Peace Lily while she warily watched him open up the box and pull out a bullet from inside.

“Yep.”

“...Alright, spill it, what exactly are you doing?”

He closed the box, setting it aside before he looked up at her, “I’m going to take apart this griffin’s bullet and one of mine of a similar size to compare the propellants inside the casings for quality by lighting them on fire. That work for you, Captain?”

“I...guess? Like I said, you better know what you’re doing. And while I’m technically here on duty, I’m not on the job at the moment, so it’s just Peace Lily or just Lily if you prefer,” she said with a light blush.

Samael just nodded, holding up his bullet to the griffin’s, “Got it,” and compared the two bullets. He glanced at Peace Lily around the two bullets, noticing her slight confusion, “Hey, Lily, you know what the griffin’s bullets are made of?”

She jumped slightly at suddenly being addressed, “If I remember right, they’ve varied their metals from zinc to lead and I think they’ve stopped on tin because that’s all we’ve seen lately. Wh-what are yours?”

‘Hmph. Idiots. They had it right with lead. Oh well, tin's not as dense as lead and no lead poisoning to worry about,’ he thought as he eyed her for a moment. “I actually have several different types in several different calibers, but these I have here are jacketed hollow points. Lead cores encased with mild steel,” he said as he placed his into the disassembler, making sure the attachment points were secure before pulling the projectile free from the casing. He then unattached both parts, setting the casing on the plate as he pocketed the projectile.

Peace Lily watched with fascination as Samael worked, still slightly confused at his explanation, but preferring not to interrupt as he pulled apart the griffin’s bullet too. She tilted her head slightly when she looked at the odd red and black device he had brought along with everything else, “And that is…?”

“A lighter. Here, hold this, don’t spill it,” he said as he held out the bullet casing from the griffin’s bullet and dumped the smokeless powder from his own bullet onto the plate. When she hesitantly took the casing, he picked up the lighter and stepped back a little, “You may want to get clear.”

Her eyes widened as she watched him click the lighter to make a flame appear at the tip and she quickly stepped back behind him, watching over his shoulder and making sure to keep the casing in her grip upright. She jumped slightly when the flame touched the powder, causing the powder to light up in an energetic dancing flame with very little smoke, “So...That was yours?”

Samael nodded, studying the plate, “Yep, that’ll be the baseline. Very little if any residue, almost nonexistent smoke. I remember there being quite a bit of smoke off those griffin’s Lugers.” He took the case from her and dumped the powder out onto the plate. He stepped back and lit it, producing a flame obscured by a much larger amount of smoke than his bullet’s powder had produced.

Peace Lily tilted her head and just looked at him with confusion at his mocking grin, “Aaand what did that tell us?...”

“That those idiots don’t know how to make proper smokeless powder and they’re losing a lot of stopping power because of it. I doubt even their best and biggest guns could get through my vests,” he said, looking over the plate and the residue that the powder had left behind. He gathered up a little on his finger and sniffed tentatively, “Sulfur. Which means that they must’ve tried to replicate smokeless powder using black powder as a basis for it.”

“And that means...what?” she said, looking the residue over and hoping he didn’t want to reuse that plate for food.

“Without constant upkeep on their guns, the sulfur will eat away at the metals on the inside and break them down over time,” Samael said, picking up the plate and tray table before he walked back toward his house.

Peace Lily’s eyes widened at this revelation, following him inside, “You don’t mind if I report this to Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, right? This sounds like some major need-to-know information.” She shut the door behind them and watched him put away the tray table.

“Uh, well, if you have to, go ahead,” he said, turning the corner into the kitchen and placing the plate in the garbage.

Her brow creased slightly, noticing that his tone had gone from sure and confident if a little cold back down to awkward and somewhat halting, but said nothing while she grabbed her travel bag. She pulled out a small spellfire lighter that Princess Celestia gave her for this, a quill, and some parchment, frowning as she looked down into her bag, “Hey, you got any ink around here somewhere? I didn’t bring any in case it spilled in my bag.”

Samael stepped back around the corner with a look of disbelief on his face, staring for a few seconds at her quill, “I...You...It’s really weird what you all have and don’t have.” At Peace Lily’s look of bewilderment, he just shook his head, “Hold on.”

She debated for a moment following him after he swept from the room towards an area of the house she hadn’t been in yet, but hesitantly sat down on the couch, looking around and taking note of all the familiar and strange objects she could, ‘I guess that makes sense. I’m sure we’ve got things he doesn’t. Just gotta figure out what.’

When he came back and noticed Peace Lily looking around in slight awe, he cleared his throat to get her attention when he neared her, holding out a ballpoint pen, “Uh, I don’t have an ink bottle, but I don’t really need it with this. Just push in the button on top and start writing.”

She looked at him with uncertainty as though skeptical that such a thing could possibly work, but took the pen from him and leaned forward, placing her parchment on the table. Her uncertainty was replaced with stunned awe when she started writing, “How the...? You got any more of these? The eggheads up in Canterlot would love to get their hands on this sort of thing.”

“Uh, yeah, I bought in bulk whenever I could. Hold on,” Samael said. He headed back to the office and snatched up a handful of pens to take back. When he entered the living room again, his attention fell on her hunched form with hers focusing on her letter, his eyes tracing her assets under her dress, ‘Well then. Maybe this quartering thing won’t be so bad if the view is this good often enough.’ He cleared his thoughts swiftly before placing the pens on the table in front of her and sitting in his recliner without another word.

Peace Lily looked up from her writing when the pens clattered down in front of her, “Well, I only really needed one or two more, but that works great, thanks.” She finished up her letter, rolled up the scroll around one of the pens, and lit it on fire with her lighter, causing it disappear in a flash of green flame. In its place, a blue-tinged wisp of smoke appeared to waft through the building.

‘I. What. You know what? I think I hate magic if it’s going to be doing shit like this,’ thought Samael, watching the smoke for a moment before his eyes fell back on Peace Lily who was looking over the pen in her hand. He tilted his head slightly when he spotted her cutie mark on her exposed shoulder, ‘Is that what I think it is?’

She pulled her bag closer to herself, placing his pens and her lighter back inside and turned to him to ask him to finally show her around. Her words died in her mouth, following his gaze to her cutie mark and she smiled softly, “Wondering what my cutie mark is? It’s a—”

“Sasumata. Two of them crossed and a Peace Lily in the middle.”

Her eyes widened, “Wow, almost nopony knows what those are outside of Neighpon and they only ever get the Neighponese Peace Lily most of the time. I’m impressed.” She paused for a moment before her brow creased, “Wait, how do you know Neighponese weaponry? I mean, you sound like you could be Neighponese, but I can’t place your accent as being from one district or another.”

He shook his head with a slight smile, “Guess there are more parallels than just what we’ve made. Because where I’m from, there’s a country called Japan where I lived for quite some time when my mother moved back after...Well, that’s not important. It’s also known as Nippon-koku, or ‘State of Japan.’”

“Very interesting. So tell me, do you speak Neighponese or I guess you’d call it Japane—” she was cut off when he held a hand up with a scowl.

“Yes and I’d rather not. Bad memories, you see,” Samael said with finality, lowering his hand.

Peace Lily’s ear drooped slightly, but she nodded, “I understand. So, uh...how about a tour so I can know where I sleep?” When he stood up, she gathered up her suitcase and travel bag, ready to follow.

~~

~~

Samael led her into the room next to the office downstairs previously occupied on occasion by Lindsay for overnight planning, “Here you are.”

Peace Lily looked around at the rather minimalist design and sparse decorations, “It’s...nice?” and she smiled nervously at him.

He rolled his eyes at her attempt at a compliment, “It wasn’t meant to be nice, it’s meant to be functional.”

“Oh, well. In that case, can I decorate in here? At least until I’m not here anymore?” she said, smiling sweetly and setting down her suitcase.

“Ugh. Fine, just don’t go crazy with it.”

“Thanks!” Peace Lily said. She stepped over to the bed which at least had a very clean comforter, pristine sheets, and two soft pillows, ‘Well, this looks actually pretty cozy.’ Tentatively, she sat down on the bed, yelping slightly when she sank down into the too-soft mattress, “Who the hay slept here before!? It’s like a giant marshmallow!”

Samael smirked with amusement when he saw her sink in, remembering that Lindsay liked her mattresses exceedingly soft, “My old assistant. She liked it like that.” He chuckled to himself, watching her pull herself free. Once she did, he exited the room, “Moving on.”

She huffed to herself slightly and gathered up her travel bag to follow him, “Hey, uh. While we’re going through this, is there anything else I should know or am I going to have to find out the hard way like the mattress?”

He hummed thoughtfully as he stepped across the hall, opening up the door there to reveal a minimalist bathroom with a sink, a mirror above that, and a toilet in the corner, “Well, clean up after yourself, but that’s a given. Uh, if you see something you don’t recognize, ask before touching. Oh…” Turning to her with a slightly grim look, he continued, “I would recommend not sneaking up on me. I get a little...edgy about that.”

Peace Lily felt a shiver run down her spine when his tone changed once more, but nodded to show she understood before stepping into the small bathroom, “Oh, this is nice. Shower’s in another one?” At his nod, she smiled and opened up her travel bag. Digging through her bag, she began to set out mane, tail, fur, hand, and hoofcare products on the sink, practically overcrowding it.

‘...Are you fucking serious right now? Oh well, better here than my damn bathroom,’ thought Samael, looking at the overwhelming amount of beauty products he didn’t recognize. When she seemed like she was done, he just shook his head and stepped towards the end of the hall, keeping his expression as neutral as possible, “Well, if you like to exercise, let me show you my gym.”

~~

~~

‘Oh, stars, I can still smell him. I’ll definitely have to take him up on the exercise. I could certainly get used to this. Especially if I can take his edge off,’ thought Peace Lily, following him upstairs with her eyes glued to his rear. She shook her head from side to side to clear her thoughts once they reached the top.

‘Well, that settles that. I smell good to ponies, gotta remember that...I wonder if I even need deodorant anymore. Maybe a scent neutralizer if I need stealth,’ Samael pondered until they reached the main bathroom. He opened the door to reveal a much larger bathroom than the one downstairs, the frosted glass door shower taking up most of the opposite wall.

She let out a low whistle, looking around slowly, “Why isn’t that other bathroom as nice as this one?”

“...Why do you think? I only got this place instead of just a one-bathroom deal because my old assistant Lindsay needed a place to freshen up if she needed to. Hell, I think some of her makeup might even still be in that other bathroom,” he said.

“Oh, right. I, uh. I kinda didn’t think about that,” said Peace Lily with a light blush. She then dug around her travel bag and pulled out her bottles of Mane & Tail Shampoo and Conditioner, opening the shower door to place them inside.

‘...Of course. This day just keeps getting better and better,’ he thought.

“Well, that should do it for now—What’s that?” she said, her eyes falling on a strange object next to his sink.

“Uuh. Deodorant?”

“Oh, it looks different than what we have. What does it smell like?” she asked, picking it up before he can answer and popping the top off. She wrinkled her nose at the smell, “Ick! That’s nasty! You smell better without it...I MEAN! YOU DON’T NEED IT!” Her face blushed a deep, glowing red.

‘...Alright, no more deodorant for me.’

Author's Note

In this universe, most ponies are pollopescatarians. Meaning they eat mostly veggies, some fish, and the occasional bit of chicken. They steer clear of red meats though since most red meats are fellow hooved creatures. With exceptions like Fluttershy, who's a straight up vegetarian.

Big thanks to ArtColter for proofreading, prereading, editting, and bouncing ideas back and forth.

More notes to come after I fix the dumb formatting errors that came from the transfer from GDocs to Fimfic.

Error reporting is appreciated.