The Stick of Truth: Equestria

It took about twenty-five minutes to drag Pinkie-Pie off of Rainbow-Dash and even longer to get the pink Mare to explain what she had been thinking, tricking Rarity, Twilight and Douche-Bag into seeing the Pegasus in such a compromising position. The Party Pony had just shrugged, giving one of her more aggravating smiles. Twilight, in an effort to diffuse the tension that had built, partly due to Rainbow-Dash losing her temper with Pinkie-Pie spying on her during the Pegasus's..."Private Time," had suggested that they take a trip into Ponyville to help their new Silent Stallion friend get acclimatized to the village. Douche-Bag had only seen the Library when he'd first arrived. It had taken some persuasion to get the rainbow maned Pegasus to stop growling at Pinkie and had taken a lot more persuasion to stop the Pegasus in question from trying to get Douche-Bag to talk. Though Rainbow-Dash was known to be a Pegasus who never gave up at things, when something didn't work after three or four tries, the Pegasus tended to get annoyed and bad tempered. It was with some effort therefore, that Rainbow-Dash strode calmly beside Twilight and Rarity, biting her lip with the strain of asking Douche-Bag any kind of question. The pair of Unicorns were talking their silent friend through the various shops and streets in Ponyville.

Douche-Bag had to admit it. Ponyville was no South Park. There was no City Wok, nor was there any Big Jimbo's Gun shop but the little village had a charm of its own. Twilight delighted in taking the Silent Stallion over to the Quill and Sofa shop, a business that sold...Quills and Sofa's. Rarity dragged him over to what appeared to be a jewelry shop, the inside of which looked more like the inside of a treasure chest than a shop. Jeweled broaches and glittering necklaces on every available stand and display. They didn't stay very long however, once they discovered that Rarity had only brought them here to attempt, very badly, to convince Douche-Bag to buy something for her, "like every gentle-colt should." Next was one of Rainbow-Dash's and Pinkie-Pie's favorite places to visit in Ponyville. The Prank Parlor. This was a building with a checkered hat-like design. From what they'd talked about, Douche-Bag had discovered that both Pinkie-Pie and Rainbow-Dash were the neighborhood pranksters, pulling pranks that ranged from giving Spike, Twilight's dragon assistant, the hiccups and getting Twilight to turn her bed into a giant pumpkin. The group spent quite a while here, as Pinkie and Rainbow were keen to stock up on prankster supplies. Finally, the group of four had arrived at one of their favorite places. Sugar-cube Corner, the local sweet shop.

Douche-Bag hadn't blinked once when he'd been abducted...Well he'd winced once that anal probe had gone up into him but that was a story for another time. The Silent Stallion had been comfortable navigating a alien spacecraft full of bloodthirsty aliens. He'd walked across the whole of South Park, combating other kids his age who'd all had the Shoot first and ask questions later attitude. It was slightly disconcerting for him therefore to have the many residents of Ponyville all smile and wave at him. They didn't even make random comments as they passed him like the residents of South Park had. It was even more disconcerting to see Sugar-cube Corner. It was like stepping straight into a fairy-tail. The building looked like it was comprised of several different pastries and desserts, including a doughnut, a cupcake and several other sugary pastries. The inside of the store was what you might expect of the cake shop. Several tables and chairs, including the typical wall chairs with comfortable cushions lined the room with a large, glass counter in one corner, the inside showing off the latest brands of cupcakes. It was so colorful, with decorations and ribbons all over, that Douche-Bag was sure that he'd get a sugar rush simply by setting hoof in the place. Nevertheless, Twilight took his hoof, blushing in the process and led the silent Stallion over to a booth. Now here he was, sandwiched between Rainbow Dash and Twilight, slurping from large milkshakes that Pinkie-Pie had conjured for them. Twilight had paid for Douche-Bag's chocolate milkshake, claiming that he "owed her a little something later." Whatever that meant.

"So, Darling!" Exclaimed Rarity, clinking her vanilla milkshake with Pinkies strawberry one. "Now that you've seen some of the wonders of this quaint little town, what do you intend to do now?" Douche-Bag blinked at her, his eyes watching as she daintily sipped from the drink. "I mean, I don't suppose you have anywhere to stay, do you Darling?" The alabaster Unicorn asked, a sly gleam in her eyes. As she spoke, Douche-Bag noticed that the Violet Unicorn sitting next to him, who had previously sitting relaxed, was now sitting bolt upright, her pinkish-violet eyes drilling into Rarity. The other two ponies sitting with them had frozen too. Rainbow-Dash was looking between her two friends, a worried look on her face. Douche-Bag knew the feeling. It wasn't his style to get bogged down. Hell, he wouldn't even travel with the same partner every day. It wouldn't be a good idea to caught in a love triangle with two love-struck Mares. Though from the look on the Rainbow maned Pegasus's face, that might be what was going to happen. "I mean..." Rarity began again, sipping from her drink again. "I could always put you up at the Boutique. I have plenty of room and you could..." Twilight's hoof came down on the table, making the table shake slightly and the drinks clatter.

"NO!" The Violet Unicorn growled, so loudly that several other diners turned to look at her. Twilight blushed but resumed her glare at the alabaster Unicorn. "Douche-Bag is going to have his own home!" Twilight hissed, leaning in across the table. The glare on her face was so frightening even Rainbow-Dash pulled back slightly, her eyes widened. The brash Pegasus had only ever known Twilight to get this angry once or twice in the time she'd known the studious Unicorn. Rarity also looked shocked, retreating and stammering slightly. When the alabaster Unicorn again attempted to reply, Twilight cut her off, placing her hoof over Douche-Bags. "Princess Celestia thought it best for Douche-Bag to have his own...privacy. Give him more room to spread out." Rarity stared at her, then opened her mouth, obviously trying one last time to protest but Twilight held up a hoof. "If Celestia wants him to stay in his own home then that decision has already been settled." The violet Unicorn snapped, cutting off the rest of the conversation. Rarity settled back into her chair, slurping on her milkshake rather moodily. Rainbow, looking slightly unnerved turned to her friend.

"So Twilight," The Pegasus chuckled, eyeing Twilight's hoof which was still on Douche-Bag's preventing the silent Stallion from pulling it away. "You two lovebirds or something?" She sniggered at the thick blush that suddenly spread across the Unicorns face, turning her violet fur into a rather ugly Plum color. "Honestly Twilight." She turned to Pinkie who was also giggling like a little filly. "It's always the quiet ones you wanna watch." Now Rarity was giggling, whilst Twilight was glaring at the three of them, her cheeks burning a bright and brighter shade of pink. "I thought Twilight was hiding something under that Egg-head attitude of hers." The Pegasus giggled, eyeing Douche-Bag now. "And Douche-Bag is certainly the looker. I'd let him have a bounce on my flank if..."

"Rainbow-Dash!" Twilight interrupted, her whole face turning red now. "Please keep your voice down." She waved her hooves in front of her face as if trying to beat away invisible flies. "Besides," Twilight stammered hurriedly. "I would never think of doing that with Douche-Bag! He and I are just friends." Rainbow's only reply was to grin a little wider. "I haven't...wouldn't!" Twilight insisted, sweat beginning to bead on her forehead. "He and I are just friends Rainbow! Seriously!" Rainbow tilted her head to the side, her grin still as wide as ever. Twilight glared at her brash friend, her eyes narrowing. "Douche-Bag!" she turned to the Stallion, who had been watching the events unfold around him silently, his eyes wide. "I'm sure you'd like to go out and explore Ponyville on your own and acquaint yourself with the town on your own. Why don't you go have a wander around while I have a few words with my friends." She gave him a friendly grin that faded when she glared at her friends. The other mares were still giggling together. Douche-Bag, not wanting to be the center of attention of full on Mare-rant, slid out of the seat and trotted off. Just as he shut the door, Douche-Bag clearly heard the words: "Will you stop teasing me? So I like him? Is that the excuse you needed to lose your heads over?!" Douche-Bag stopped just as the door to Sugar-cube Corner swung shut. Twilight liked him?

Douche-Bag strode through the streets of Ponyville, deep in thought, trying hard not to bump into an unsuspecting pony and start a fight. From his experiences in South Park, bumping into ponies without thinking might end up in disaster. Twilight-Sparkle liked him? Was that the reason why she blushed whenever she and Douche-Bag were in close together? He supposed it made sense with his power of friend-making. But then again...He shook himself. He was being stupid. The girls from South Park had claimed he was good-looking and attractive purely because he didn't talk. And, whatever Cartman said, a lot of the girls from South Park were intelligent. Maybe Douche-Bags powers had evolved from friend-making too the attraction of intelligent ponies. It wouldn't have been the worst thing that had had happened to him. But...Douche-Bag stopped in the middle of the street. It wasn't normally like him to be hesitant about anything. He'd been shrunk down to the size of a rat once and hadn't even batted an eyelid. But this? Having an actual girlfriend? It was...strange thought, especially for him. Part of him knew that he couldn't keep the relationship, if he found a way home...but...Twilight was a pretty mare. Douche-Bag rolled his eyes. He'd think about it later.

"Hey! Mister!" called a voice. Douche-Bag turned. A filly was running up the street towards him, grinning widely. It was a Pegasus, with bright orange fur and a purple mane and tail. "Heya Mister!" The filly said brightly, coming to a rest beside him. The filly had a cheerful, light-hearted voice though it was difficult at first to tell whether the filly was a girl or a boy. The voice seemed to cross between the two genders. The filly smiled up at him. "I'm Scootaloo !" The filly declared, tapping a tiny hoof against her barrel. "I heard about you Mister Douche-Bag! Rainbow-Dash said you were hanging around for a few days." The filly smiled up at Douche-Bag, the wide grin never faltering. The filly reminded the silent Stallion strongly of Rainbow-Dash. The filly certainly seemed to idolize her, based on the amount of times that she'd Rainbow Dash's name. "So Rainbow-Dash said you're a bad-ass who doesn't talk much huh?" Douche-Bag stared at her. The filly's grin seemed to widen. "You're almost as cool as Rainbow-Dash!" she trilled, skipping lightly around him. "I bet if you and Rainbow-Dash got together...but nah!" The filly seemed oblivious to the fact that Douche-Bag was still staring at her. "Hey!" Scootaloo gasped as though a thought had just occurred to her. "You've gotta come meet my friends. The Cutie Mark Crusaders'll love you!" The filly smiled widely. "C'mon Mister Douche-Bag, I'll show you where to go!"

The walk was a short one. Scootaloo had led Douche-Bag out of Ponyville and down a long, dirt track which came to a stop in front of a large grove of trees. Each tree was holding a large quantity of apples with some being Golden Delicious an others being Braeburn apples. Scootaloo had explained that her friend, AppleBloom lived on the orchard and farmed the apples. It was better choice of life, farming for apples rather than having an army of Nazi-Zombie cows stopping you from doing any work, as the local Rancher in South Park had suffered with. Leading him through the maze of apple-trees, Scootaloo chatted to him, though the subject always ended up with how Rainbow-Dash was the best at it. Douche-Bag was right in thinking that the filly idolized the Rainbow maned Pegasus. Finally, the pair arrived in a clearing. Sat atop a rather thick tree was what looked like a a box, constructed from wood. A ramp ran all the way around the tree, connecting to a small door, about Scootaloos size. Douche-Bag could see a square shaped hole in the side of the wooden box, with several small pots with flowers sticking out of them. A tree house? Douche-Bag was briefly reminded of the elf-kingdoms base in South Park, before the Orange filly standing beside him gave his side a tap.

"This is the club house for the Cutie Mark Crusaders." Scootaloo said happily. She took the first step up the flat ramp, grinning down at the Silent Stallion. "The Cutie Mark Crusaders are dedicated to finding our Cutie Marks." the tomboyish filly said, showing her blank flank to Douche-Bag. "We've tried a lot of stuff Douche-Bag but i think we've got something that you could help us with. C'mon up." Douche-Bag hesitated for a second, wondering what the filly could've thought up, then followed her up the ramp anyway. It was only a group of fillies. What was the worst that could happen. He followed up the ramp until he came to the tree-house. Scootaloo smiled. "Just give me a sec to check if the other girls are ready." the filly turned and walked inside. Douche-Bag settled himself by the door. After about a minute, Douche-Bag's ears perked. Some-pony was...moaning? The noises were coming from inside the tree-house. Douche-Bag, feeling his natural curiosity getting the better of him, stood and placed his ear against the door. "uh...uh...c'mon AppleBloom." he heard Scootaloo complain. "I...can't...get on...top.!" Douche-Bag's eyes widened. No...It couldn't be...they couldn't have meant....

"Aw..give me a break Scoots.." Complained another filly's voice, sounding more like a southern kid, in a stark contrast to Scootaloo's voice. "Ah can't keep this position forever. Ya know that.." The voice sounded tired, interspersed with noises of effort. Douche-Bag took a step backwards, feeling slightly sick. "Scoots...try it from that way. That'll get it in right." Douche-Bag stumbled backwards, slipping head over hooves down the slide. He got up and staggered off, not in the mood to hear anymore. A few seconds later, a filly with cream-yellow fur and a crimson mane, a bright pink bow on her head, poked her head out of the door, watching the retreating form of Douche-Bag. "Aw...Nice Job Scoots! Ya scared him off! Now he won't be any help with our gymnastic practice!" .