The Stick of Truth: Equestria

Twilight Sparkle sighed to herself as she wandered down the street. Canterlot City was just as she'd left it. Large, elegant shops and towers, stretching high into the sky. Yet the Unicorn could not find it within herself to enjoy the memories. Not at the moment. She was to busy thinking about the morning meal with her beloved mentor. Celestia had been...almost cold. She'd snapped at Twilight, ignored her and treated her like a speck of dirt. She'd acted....rather like Nightmare Moon had when Twilight had first met her. Arrogant, focused on only one thing. Douche-Bag. Twilight sighed to herself at the thought of the Silent Stallion. The Unicorn had never been one for dating. During her time in Canterlot, Twilight had always been more interested in books and learning than some handsome young Stallion. But since meeting Douche-Bag...It was strange, like it had happened overnight. She was suddenly thinking more and more about Douche-Bag. About his calm silences...his soft turquoise fur....Twilight shook her head. This wasn't like her. It felt weird. She felt attracted to the silent Stallion yet...it wasn't like her to be attracted to any-pony like this before. It just wasn't her style. Twilight sighed to herself. She supposed her friend, Rarity could provide her with dating advice. The White Unicorn had always professed to know the way to a Stallions heart. Then again, that might've been the fashionista's usual pomp and flash.

"Twilight Darling!" Said a high-pitched voice. Twilight whirled round. The white Unicorn was striding up the street towards her, bright blue eyes wide in excitement. Twilight stared at her friend, then broke out into a wide grin, hurrying over to embrace the other Unicorn. "I haven't seen you in ages Darling." The Alabaster Unicorn said cheerfully, pulling back from Twilight, a wide grin on her face. "I had thought I would not see you again until you returned to Ponyville. What brings you here again?" Twilight was about to answer her friend when she noticed something strange. A greenish vapor, barely visible was rising from the Alabaster Unicorn's fur. Now that Twilight came to think about it, there was a strange smell. Like...feces or some sort of...Rarity noticed her friends look. "ooh it's nothing Darling...Nothing another five baths in my special lotions...and tomato juice will cure." The Alabaster Unicorn said, a strained grin spreading across her face. Twilight frowned. It was a well known fact that Rarity despised dirt, in any way, shape or form. She even despised nasty smells. So it was very strange to see this vapor..."Trust me darling it's..." Rarity started. But that was when Twilight noticed him. Douche-Bag had just stepped out from behind the shop. "Oh!" Exclaimed Rarity as the Stallion stepped up beside her. "This is a gentlecolt I met earlier today Darling. He agreed to help me with some designs..." Rarity grinned sheepishly. Now the green vapor made sense. Twilight glared at Douche-Bag.

"You did not do what I think you did Douche-Bag?!" She demanded. Douche-Bag blinked at her and said nothing. One of Twilight's eyes twitched. "You did didn't you?" she said angrily. "Douche-Bag, this is one of my best friends." She turned to look at the Alabaster Unicorn. "He gassed you didn't you?" The other Unicorn froze for a second. "Did he?" Twilight demanded. Whatever her personal feelings towards the silent Stallion, she did not like ponies doing anything untoward around her friends. Though, farting probably wasn't one of the things she had prepared for. Rarity stood there for a second, frowning. Then she blinked, looking confused. Twilight sighed. "This is Douche-Bag Rarity." she said, pointing her hoof at the Turquoise Stallion. "I met him a few days ago and I brought him with me up to Canterlot."

"You two...know each other darling?" Twilight sighed to herself as Douche-Bag strode over to stand beside the violet Unicorn. "Are you too...No.." Rarity gasped dramatically. "Are you two...sweethearts!?" Twilight sighed angrily, though she couldn't help but think internally, that wasn't such a bad idea.

"So your name is Douche-Bag is it Darling?" Asked Rarity. She, Twilight and Douche-Bag were all sat around an outside table near the center square of Canterlot. After clearing up the issue that he and Twilight were not in fact, lovers, plus making sure that the Alabaster Unicorn had not suffered from a fainting fit as she was accustomed to whenever something overly dramatic was going to happen, the three ponies had made their way to the nearest shop. Rarity was now sitting with a very large mug of tea in front of her watching Douche-Bag closely. Douche-Bag simply stared back, his lips pressed tightly together. "Darling?" Rarity tried again. Douche-Bag stared at her. Twilight, sensing the rising awkwardness, leaned over and whispered in the Alabaster Unicorns ear. Rarity's face brightened. "Oh! So you are a Stallion of few words?" Douche-Bag blinked. "Erm...Okay then..." Rarity said. She turned to Twilight. "I'm glad I managed to catch you here Darling." She shivered. "Pinkie Pie is on the warpath right now. Well....I suppose I should say she is on the Party-Path. We all cut our holiday's short to come back to Ponyville. The Princess sent us all notes, claiming you would need help with something." She turned back to Douche-Bag. "I do hope you'll return with us Douche-Bag. That robe is quite...interesting." Douche-Bag stared at her.

Twilight frowned. "Rarity...I'm happy to see you but if you cut your holiday short...what happened to Fluttershy?" As the two Unicorns began to engage in earnest conversation, Douche-Bag found himself staring past his two companions. It wasn't like he was interested in any of the elegant artwork or skyscrapers surrounding him . It was the mare who was looking directly at him. She was standing a little ways off, partially hidden by the fountain. The Mare had navy blue fur and a sky blue mane. Douche-Bag could see a horn, sticking out of the Mare's head. Another Unicorn. She was staring at Douche-Bag, a strange expression on her face. It was partway between a snarl and a grimace. For a brief second, the Silent Stallion wasn't sure whether he should've been worried about being attacked again...or if it was another Celestia situation. Douche-Bag briefly wondered whether it was his power of Friend-Making or whether he was just a natural chick magnet but it seemed like these girls wouldn't leave him alone. It was surprising enough that Celestia had tried to hit on him. Now it was just random mares in the street. "Douche-Bag?" Twilight's voice broke the Stallions concentration. He turned back to look at the violet Unicorn and her companion. "We were wondering if you'd like to take a walk around the city with us?" Twilight smiled. "Well?" Rarity grinned too, looking excited. Douche-Bag remained silent. "Erm...so is that a yes?"

"I think the dear would like to come with us Twilight." Said Rarity, pushing her chair back and standing up. "Come along dear." She smiled as she and Twilight led the way out of the cafe. Douche-Bag tilted his head, staring back at the fountain. The Mare who had been watching him had disappeared. Perhaps he had imagined it. After all, this world seemed way more female dominated. The city was probably stuffed full of mares. He did stick out a bit in his robe. Maybe the Mare was admiring his sense of Dress. Rarity had...Douche-Bag put the mare out of his mind as Rarity fell into step on either side of him. "So darling," Rarity said, smiling good-naturedly at Douche-Bag. "I liked the material your robe and headband was made from. I was wondering if you would allow me to take a sample. I could incorporate it into my fabrics. It would make for a STUNNING combination." Douche-Bag blinked at the excited Unicorn. He could already tell this was going to be long, looong day.

It was late afternoon by the time Douche-Bag had managed to slip away from both Twilight and Rarity. The Stallion guessed he must've been dragged around about half the city. Eventually, the pair of Unicorns had arrived at a swanky dress shop and Rarity had presented the ideal opportunity to slip away. From what he'd learned about her, Douche-Bag wasn't surprised to see Rarity squeal in excitement and drag Twilight into the shop. Douche-Bag, who had had quite enough of being dragged around by the two mares, had slipped away down a nearby alley. Now here he was, wandering alone down the backstreets and alleyways. He was lost and he knew it. Douche-Bag was no idiot. He was able to find his way round the Town of South Park with barely any help at all. But this city was way bigger than South Park. And with the suns rapid sinking, finding his way was going to get harder and harder. It didn't help that the ponies of this damn city were so snooty and stuck-up that none of them were willing to help. They just stuck their snouts in the air and walked off. Either Douche-Bag found his way back to the castle in time or he spent the night outside, sleeping on a bench. That was not a cheerful thought. Douche-Bag pulled his robe a little tighter around himself. The temperature was beginning to drop.

"You're lost." Said a voice. Douche-Bag turned. The blue Unicorn from before was standing behind him. Her pinkish, violet eyes were narrowed slight as she took in Douche-Bags appearance. Now Douche-Bag had gotten a closer look at the Mare, he noticed that she had a crescent moon coupled with a wand for a cutie mark. "Trixie saw you this morning." The Unicorn said, a cold tinge to her voice. Douche-Bag blinked. He'd never heard any person or any other pony talk like that before. "Trixie finds you...interesting." The Unicorn said calmly with a flick of her sky blue mane. "Trixie will give you a bed for the night. I assure you, Trixie is a far more interesting host than....Twilight Sparkle!" The last part of the sentence came out in a growl, like Trixie was chewing something rather sour. "Anyways." The arrogant Unicorn said, turning her back on Douche-Bag. "Trixie will show you where we will be sleeping tonight. Trixie will even be so generous as to give you a meal if you are hungry." The Unicorn started marching away, her head held high. Douche-Bag didn't move. He wasn't sure why but he was pretty sure this mare had something against Twilight Sparkle. Since this Trixie had seen him sitting with Twilight, she might hold the same resentment against him. "The Great and Powerful Trixie does not have all day!" The Blue Unicorn snapped, looking over her shoulder at him. "Get a move on."

It only took the pair a few minutes to get to the wagon Trixie was using as her place of residence. It was a fairly large wagon, rather like a caravan. Inside was tastefully decorated, with a small heater set into the floor, made up of magic heat sticks Trixie set alight with her horn. A bed was set against one wall, with a kitchen on another wall. A couch was pushed against another wall. Douche-Bag noticed that several large piles of what looked like ropes and something red on a leather strap was sitting in the corner. Before he could investigate to closely, Trixie pulled a large cloth over the pile. Now, the Unicorn was moving around the tiny kitchen, mixing what appeared to Douche-Bag as two large balls of salad. After a few minutes of waiting, Trixie plonked the smaller of the two meals in front of Douche-Bag. Since he hadn't eaten since breakfast, Douche-Bag ate it without complaint. Trixie did the same, though her meal was punctuated with continuous speech. She talked about how she'd come to Canterlot to perfect her magic and how she'd seen him sitting with Twilight.

"And Trixie knew she must meet you!" She concluded. "So you will sleep on the couch," she jabbed a hoof at the couch. "And you will not disturb the Great and Powerful Trixie!" she glared at him. "Understand?!" Douche-Bag blinked at her. "Good." she said after a moment of silence. "Now get to sleep and do not disturb Trixie!" Against his better judgement, Douche-Bag stripped off his robe and placed it on a nearby chair. Settling onto the sofa, he braced himself for the cold. He knew the temperature would drop once his host turned off the heat sticks. Just as he resigned himself to this cold night, a thick quilt dropped over him. "Trixie does not want you to freeze." Douche-Bag snuggled gently under the blanket, finding it quite warm. Maybe his host wasn't to bad after all...