Chapters The room was large and crowded, various stalls displayed their goods as passersby walked around the vendor hall of the noisy convention center. It had beige walls and a red carpet, there are families here among the crowd with their kids, they all gathered near the plushie stall to shop for their favorite toys. Colt, on the other hand, had more interest in the magic the gathering table that he had shopped at previously, he bought a few much needed cards for his deck. After spending what money he had on collectables and memorabilia he left the vendor hall and began to wander the other convention halls.
“What a con, I think I’ll hit the dance panel next, those always look like fun, maybe if I get there early I can get in the front row!” Colt said excitedly, as he ran to the panel with four bags full of con swag. He originally was going to cosplay but there was a tournament he just had to participate in and you can’t exactly fight in a complicated costume with multiple parts, so he just opted for a Guy Fawkes mask for the fun of it.
As he entered the panel room he noticed it was actually more akin to a small concert hall with a stage, curtains and lights included. It was rather impressive for the hotel he was staying at, it wasn’t great, but at least they took care of the facilities and panel rooms.
“Hmm, so this is the ‘You think you can dance’ Anime panel, should be interesting, I hope they do Lucky Star ,” he said to himself as he walked the halls, being 6’2” he could see over most of the crowd, thankfully most didn’t have on large costumes, well, other than the RWBY cosplayer with the scythe, something Colt found very well made. “Wait, back on topic man, keep it together, don’t nerd out too much, it’s only a- Ooh shiny!” He shouts as he sees a chrome gundam in a display case, “Dear god what have I become… Wait...I-Is that... Q?! ”
As Colt attempted to return his attention to the line of people on the stage getting ready to make fools of themselves for some laughs, he sees by far the most impressive Q cosplay he had ever seen. He was exactly the right height. It was as if John De Lancie had walked right off the set and had decided to spend his time at the convention. But the likelihood of that was incredibly low, John had stopped playing Q when The Next Generation ended and besides that, John no longer had the brown hair, it had become gray and peppered in his age. This couldn’t be John, but perhaps a relative.
As he bids goodbye to a child he’d signed an autograph for, Colt could swear that the man even spoke in the same exact quirky, dramatic and playful tone.
“Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!” Colt had to get an autograph- no, he needed a picture! “Excuse me, sir? I love your Q cosplay, may I get an autograph and a picture?”
The cosplayer simply smiled and gave Colt a toothy grin. “Of course my boy, who wouldn’t want something to remember me by?” His voice copying was impeccable, the kind that could only be related to either a high-end voice modulator or a long time of practice. He slapped Colt on the back and snapped his fingers, producing a pen and a camera from his own con bag.
The man then pulled Colt into a big, one-armed squeeze, camera in the other hand aimed at the two of them. After a large flash, the older, polaroid-style camera spits out a photo of the two of them. Q leans over to Colt. “You like being a trickster too, eh?”
“Hehe, yeah, I’m a bit of a clown, I even juggle, wanna see?”
“Perhaps another time, now then, hold still.” Taking the pen, the cosplaying man wrote on the Guy Fawkes mask Colt was wearing and handed him the photo.
“Sweet! Did you make your costume? If so can you email me the patterns?! This is the coolest thing I’ve ever seen!”
“Sorry my boy, all my costumes are one-of-a-kind!” The cosplayer chuckled. “And please, this can’t be the ‘coolest’ thing ever. Perhaps close but you really can’t imagine anything more amazing?”
“No, I don’t have a good imagination.”
“Well, that will need to be fixed!” The incredibly charismatic voice of the cosplayer snickered. “Perhaps... no, not yet. When you no longer need to be here maybe... Yes, when your business is done here, I will happily show you a much more amazing experience!”
“Sounds cool man! Anyways thanks so much for this, means a lot.”
“Think nothing of it.” the cosplayer gives a deep bow and walks around a corner, sauntering to a tune only he could hear. Colt attempted to follow, realizing he never got to see the man’s convention pass, something to divulge his true identity, but the man was gone.
Regaining his focus, Colt walked down the hall and found the panel room. There he saw a large Pikachu cosplayer on stage, the Pikachu costume very plush, with extra foam. It looked adorable and huggable, just like Pikachu should be.
“I gotta see this.” He said as he walked in, but as he did so he overheard a conversation between two convention staff, something about the stage lights.
The show started without a hitch, they did the Kurutto Mawatte Ikkaiten from Keroro Gunso, Hare Hare Yukai from the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, Caramelldansen which isn’t even from an anime but he danced along for the hell of it. Although dancing in his trench coat and holding bags made it a little awkward, especially with all the foam rubber knives he carried with him. They were fairly realistic with small, silverish ‘blades’ and palm-sized black handles, but whenever he was LARPing, they became deadly instruments meant for impaling his victims. And juggling.
As the music played with the video projector showing the anime the dance is from on the screen behind the dancers which comprised of a zombie, Ruby, Master Chef (Master Chief in a apron, a chef’s hat and oven mitts with a spatula) and the bulky costumed pikachu from before. ‘The costume was well made to be quite honest, looked plush, but hard to move in.’ he thought to himself.
As the panel continued, there were creaking noises emanating above the stage, as he looked up he noticed one of the light was beginning to come loose right above the dancers.
“Please tell me that isn’t going to fall….” Colt said to himself, full of worry.
Sure enough, with one final creak the light begin to come loose. With the music blaring, no one was aware of the impending danger as they danced to the music. Looking at the dancers for a split second he determined the Pikachu in the center of the stage was in the most danger, so he climbed on stage to save the pokemon.
He hurriedly got on stage and pushed the pikachu out of the way making them fall to the ground on their back. Just as he pushed the dancer out of the way the supports for the light above gave way as creaks could be heard right before it plummeted down onto him. Screams could be heard from the crowd as the light fell, it initially hit him in the head, but as he fell the light settled in his back, the heat from the bulb singeing his coat and skin as one of the light panels from the fixture was now lodged into his back. The crowd was in a panic and the staff quickly took control of the situation the best they could, they quickly got the members in the room on stage to try to dislodge the light from Colt, but to no avail. He tried to speak but could only gurgle as blood filled his mouth and pooled by his head. With restricted head movement his eyes darted around the room in a panic, was he going to die here? Before he could continue his train of thought the darkness enveloped him.
“Whoopsies.” Came a charismatic voice. “I didn’t think it would happen that soon, but... a promise is a promise.” Through the thick fog of near unconsciousness, out stepped the Q cosplayer, whose face metamorphosed into one with a long brown snout, a snaggletooth, and burning yellow eyes which were full of apologetic worry for all of two moments. He snapped his fingers and gave a hearty laugh. “Go~od lu~uck! ”
As Celestia dismissed the nobles from their appointment to debate zoning for a new establishment in west Canterlot, she felt a chill race up her spine. Then, there was a sound similar to the one produced by teleportation, but this one seemed more violent, as if performed by brute force over great distance rather than finesse. The usual ‘pop’ of air displacement was replaced with a loud ‘BANG!’ that echoed across the vaulted ceiling of the throne room, and into those corridors adjacent to it.
Colt got to his feet, feeling groggy and very disoriented. He had just been smashed by a light, and he could remember the pain clearly; yet his body felt fine as if he had never been injured at all. A look around revealed that the room he was in was very large, and very regal. He was standing on a large red carpet covering a white marble floor, which covered a small flight of stairs leading to a pair of thrones. Just as he began to get his bearings, the soaring double-doors slammed open to reveal a tall white horse flanked by several smaller ponies all in various forms of golden attire, though the smaller ones brandished spears with gleaming steel heads.
The young man blinked and shook his head in disbelief. “Okay, it’s official, I’m either insane or those are rainbow colored horses in armor.” Colt said to himself.
One of the small ponies brandished a spear at Colt, a look of determination across its muzzle, demanding in a firm, masculine voice, “What are you!?”
“Who are you?” The larger one -Celestia, to be specific- asks calmly, her diplomatic mask of ease covering her wariness of the unknown intruder.
“And they talk. Whelp time to add a clown to this circus.” Colt said to himself as he went for his knives, juggling always took his mind off things, and right now he needed it, the talking horses were looking at him, it was weirding him out.
As he opened his jacket, a photo fluttered out of it onto the ground. In it, Colt could see two figures. Himself, and the Q cosplayer, Colt’s mask of Guy Fawkes having ‘To a big fan! ’ written on it in very curvaceous letters. Colt stared at the picture, carefully picking it up as a realization hits him. “Shit! Wait, if this is a dream, why do I still have this? And I’m still wearing my mask, what is going on here…Wait something doesn’t seem right with that picture either.”
“Sorry to interrupt your thoughts, but, who are you?” Celestia repeated hesitantly.
He pulls six foam-rubber prop knives, each with a shiny, metallic-looking blade, the action giving him a moment to think of a line. “Just your friendly neighborhood Anon.” Colt makes sure none of the ‘blades’ are bent or damaged, checking each carefully.
“I... see. And how exactly did you get here?” Celestia silently motioned for the guards to lower their weapons. It didn’t seem threatening and said it was friendly…
“I don’t know! How did you get here? How did they get here? How did we all get here?” His questions are rapid-fire, the pattern meant for keeping an audience distracted; an old magician’s or salesman’s trick.
Celestia sighs. She was not in the mood for riddles. She was stressed from hearing the sound of a dimensional tear in her own castle and seeing a strange masked creature, also... “And what exactly do you plan to do with those knives?”
“Why juggle of course!” he replies, grinning behind the face concealing mask putting actions to words.
“...Very well, and would you mind answering my question seriously?” Celestia requested. “I’m afraid I’ve never met an... anon before.”
“Remember, remember/ the fifth of November/ the gunpowder treason and plot/ I know of no reason/ that gunpowder treason/ should ever be forgot…” Colt replies, still thinking.
Celestia had to ponder whether this creature was sane, but could not quite diagnose him so soon. “Do you... need help?” She offered, speaking slowly and clearly.
Colt picks up speed with the juggling, the well-balanced toys perfect for juggling. “Why whatever for?” He doesn’t look away as he talks, watching the arcs with a confident eye.
“For...” Celestia was at a loss for words. She had never encountered anypony like this, it acted so strangely and was confusing her greatly, something that did not sit well with the calm, collected matriarch. She had to try a different approach, “Where do you live?”
“The internet, where else would anons live?”
“The... internet?” One guard said quietly, looking to his princess for some answer, but all Celestia could do is shake her head.
“It is the grounds where anons keep all things dear to their hearts.” Colt replied mischievously.
“Well, I can’t think of a way to get there...” Celestia mused. “For now you may have to live here, in Equestria.”
“Equestria...Is this the country of the talking horses?”
“Well, we call our race ‘ponies’ but, yes we are descended from horses.” Celestia informs. “If you are to integrate with our society, I suggest you speak to my student, Princess Twilight Sparkle. She will help you settle in while we think of some way to accommodate you appropriately.”
“Land of ponies… interesting. So who is this Twihard?”
“Her name is Twilight and she is the Princess of Frie-”
“I heard Twihard!” Colt interrupts cheekily.
“...And she is the Princess of Friendship.” Celestia powers on, monumental force of will keeping her from grinding her teeth together. “She will help you become acclimated to our country while you stay here.” Celestia replies as she turns and summons a piece of parchment and a bright, orange-red feathered quill. She wrote the letter informing Twilight about the creature and to prepare for what she could only describe as a masked, bipedal, hairless creature with potential mania. She ended the letter wishing her student luck and sent it. “You will be taken to the town of Ponyville by chariot as soon as we are able. In the meantime, I suggest you... try to think of how you got here.”
“Well, something said I had no further business in my world anymore, and then….I was here…Oh well!”
“Hmmm... Guards, prepare a chariot. Our guest is to be escorted to Princess Twilight’s castle in Ponyville as soon as we are able.” The guards nod and walk off to follow their orders. Celestia had decided to talk with her sister to see if the Princess of the Night had any knowledge of a creature called an Anon...
“Wait!” The guards and Princess halted at Colt’s outburst, startled out of their thoughts. “What time is it?”
Celestia paused at the unexpected question but quickly composed herself and replied. “It is exactly seven-twelve in our current time zone.”
“Okay, where’s the nearest sink?”
Celestia turned to a third guard. “While these two prepare the chariot, you will escort... him to the facilities. Celestia returned her attention to Colt. “I’m sorry, I never got your name.”
“Yes you did.”
“You are... anon? Is that your race, or your name?” Celestia questioned, now even more confused. It really made her feel rather uncomfortable.
“Yes! Now off to the sink!” He said as he caught his knives and put them back in their respective holsters within his trench coat.
Celestia sighs and nods. “ You will take Anon to do... whatever he needs a sink for, then take him to his awaiting chariot.” The guard nods and approaches Colt.
“Follow me, please.”
“Kay kay.” Colt said reaching into his trench coat as he dug for something in his pockets, before following the guard.
“Goddamnit all! Anons were not born to fly! And where is the guardrail and safety belt!? I’m going to file a complaint with management!” Colt shouted as he clung to the chariot for dear life.
The guards don’t reply as they continue flying, the little town of Ponyville was getting closer and closer. Only two miles away to be precise. Eventually they touched down and Colt got down on the ground and never wanted to see another fucking chariot ever again.
The guards, after patiently waiting for Colt to stop hugging the dirt and grass, led him to a giant crystal castle that seemed very out of place amongst all the thatched roof houses made primarily of wood. The grassy hills contrasted greatly with the incredible crystalline structure, very angled and straight compared to just about everything else about the town. Colt thought it was rather…
“Shiny….” Colt breathed, as he stared at the sparkling structure, light refracting off every surface to give the impression that the structure was giving off its own radiating aura of light, the purple and blueish hues of the castle causing the nearby ground to reflect its colors on the ground, making it slightly difficult to tell where the grass ended and the crystal foundation began. “I’ve got one question… Is there an elevator or an escalator to take us up there or what?”
“What’s an escalator?” Came a female voice, one laced with curiosity.
“Mechanical moving stairs for lazy anons.” Colt replied as the voice exited the castle, attatched to a small, straight-haired unicorn with a very well-kept mane and coat, though the large, bright pink stripe through her midnight-purple hair gave the image of a punk-rock teenager who had just been gussied up for prom by her clean-cut parents.
“Moving stairs... I’ve never heard of a machine that can do that...” the unicorn, Twilight Sparkle, mused as she fluttered her wings in thought. “An enchantment maybe, but a machine like that would require a lot of parts and probably some belts. One moment. Spike!”
“Coming Twilight!” came another voice, this one childish but masculine, and after a minute or so a small, bipedal reptile with scales of green and purple appeared in the doorway armed with a parchment and quill.
“Is that your secretary?”
Twilight opened her mouth to respond, as does the dragon, but neither of them make any sound, pausing to think the question over. Twilight’s reptilian friend, Spike, recovers first and shrugs unsurely. “Kinda? I guess?”
“Okay…That is all.” Colt replied simply.
“Oh, how rude of us.” Twilight said, realising a mistake she had made. “I haven’t introduced myself. I am Twilight Sparkle, and you must be Anon, correct?”
“We are all anon.”
“Who’s we?” Twilight asked. “Are there more of you?”
“All of us are anon, we are one, we are anon. Expect us.”
“Uh... okay?” Twilight responds, before smiling. “Well, why don’t you come inside. I’m sure you have lots of questions.”
“And I’m sure you are prepared for winter, for it is coming.”
“Actually last I checked it was still March...” Spike said, scratching his head. “But yeah, it’s warm enough inside. I guess.”
“Okay good, so long as there are no trolls in the dungeon.”
“There haven’t been any trolls for several hundred-thousand years.” Twilight informed. She walked over to a bookshelf and levitated a large, thick book over to Colt, “Here is the most recent edition of Equestrian laws, you will be expected to follow them while you are here. I’m sure that won’t be a pro-”
“Too long, didn’t read.” Colt said staring at the wall as he backed away from the book, avoiding it like the plague.
“Oh come on, it’s not that long. Would you rather I read it to you?” A thought runs through Twilight’s mind, a thought that frightened her. “You... can read, right?”
“I miss audible.com already.”
“You mean... you don’t know how to read?” Twilight gasped. “I feel so sorry for you. I’m going to need help with this though. I know! Spike, take a letter.”
“Yes ma’am!” Spike replies happily holding his writing materials at the ready, waiting to take Twilight’s dictation.
“I can read! Anons of every race can read, I just avoid doing so, I don’t have my glasses with me…”
“Are you sure? Reading is a wonderful experience, you shouldn’t be missing out. Come, there’s no optometrist in Ponyville that I know of but I’m sure we can get your eyes checked somewhere.” Twilight replies, honestly concerned. “I’d hate for you to be able to read but not be able to understand words on a page.”
“I can just take a picture of it and zoom in, problem solved.”
“But... huh? How? You can’t just... enlarge a picture and keep the same quality.” Twilight insists. “It’s logically impossible. Stretching the image makes it fuzzy or distorted, and that would cause eventual eye strain, nevermind the problem with not having glasses, that could cause lasting damage! We are taking you to an optometrist.” Twilight finishes matter-of-factly. She was going to help this creature with it’s reading issues and nopony was going to stop her. Reading was just too important.
“Nope.” Colt replied defiantly.
Twilight pondered the response. “Exactly how old are you based on standard adulthood for your species?”
“Anons never die.” Colt says matter of factly.
“That... doesn’t answer my question, but I suppose it does inform us of your longevity... How many years have you been alive?” Twilight insists. The Anon creature was acting very childish and she wondered if it was even old enough to have gotten a proper education. It only seemed to speak in riddles, as if repeating things it had heard before but doing little else. If that was the case... “Spike, I’m ready to dictate. *ahem* Dear Miss Cheerilee. I’m writing to you to suggest a prospective student to you. It is a creature that was recently discovered, and it seems to have trouble learning, it’s actual age is undecipherable at the moment but it’s childish mannerisms reflect that of a foal and I would be greatly appreciative if you would help in educating it. Whether you accept or not is up to you, but if you do I hope you will treat it like you would any student. If you do accept it as a student, please tell me when you would be able to fit him into your curriculum. The subjects it seems to need to study is basic reading, and soon after, Equestrian law. Thank you for your consideration, and I hope you can resolve this issue. Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle.”
Spike nods and rolls up the scroll, having finished the letter. “I’ll take this to the schoolhouse now, seeya in a bit Twi!” Spike calls as he runs out the door.
Twilight nods. “I apologize for referring to you with a neutral gender but while there’s plenty of evidence to support you being masculine, I’m afraid I can’t get conclusive evidence from voice pattern alone. The mask certainly doesn’t help eit-”
“I pee standing up…”Colt said flatly.
“Uhm... good to know?” Twilight responds quizzically. She couldn’t think of a species that didn’t urinate while standing, gender not even coming into play. Perhaps she should have Cheerilee add biology to the special lesson plan. But she was not going to dump this new arrival on Cheerilee to deal with alone. No, Princess Celestia had specifically asked her to help the new arrival and that’s exactly what she was going to do. Composing herself once more, Twilight continued. “So... are you a boy or a girl?”
“Anons don’t have genders. We are all part of the same whole.” Colt replied monotonously.
“...Very well then. For the sake of our society having a higher female to male ratio, I will henceforth refer to you as female. Is that alright?” Twilight asked, taking note of what she’d learned of the mysterious anon species.
“I don’t have a vagina…” Colt somewhat clarified.
Twilight returns to her notes and crosses something out. “So... do you identify as male then, or androgynous?”
“I guess if you must differentiate between anons I do indeed have a penis.”
“And... that indicates males of your species, correct?” Twilight asked, blushing a bit. She was just trying to take notes, ‘Why couldn’t this creature make sensical responses?’ She thought. ‘Is it really so uneducated that it can’t form coherent answers?’ Twilight was getting a bit worried.
“Correct.” Colt said.
Finally a straight answer was given and Twilight breathed a sigh of relief. Taking her notes she settles into a chair and offers one to Colt. “Please, sit. You must relax, we need you to answer some more questions as best you can.
Before Colt can respond Spike runs back in. “Cheerilee said she’d like to meet Anon today but wouldn’t be able to start working with him until tomorrow.”
“Thank you, Spike.” Twilight says, nodding before turning back to Colt. “Now then, you will be enrolled in a class with several foals, pony children, of approximately your mental age. Let’s go over a few classroom basics, shall we?”
“Teacher!” Colt shouted as he raised his hand.
“No, no, we raise our hoof silently and wait to be called on before speaking. Second of all, shouting is rarely required in a classroom setting, so that is a second faux paux. Let’s try that again, okay?” Colt raised his hand silently this time. “Very good! Alright, Anon, you have a question?”
“Where do foals come from?” Colt asked.
“Foals are young ponies, they come from their parents, see, at the end of coitus a stallion impregnates a mare by fertilizing her eggs with his sperm. The foals then form from the fertilized egg during a gestation period, going through several stages of growth inside the mother’s womb until the foal is developed enough to be birthed at which point the foal spends several days with it’s eyes closed, and unable to walk but soon after the birthing process the foal’s structure becomes less malleable and develops hooves, allowing it to walk around.” Twilight finished, smiling.
“Have you ever gotten laid or do you put them to sleep with speeches?” Colt asked.
Twilight blinks and gives Colt a bored stare. “First of all, you need to raise your hoof again before asking a second question. Secondly, my virginity is not any concern of yours or anypony else’s but mine. Nor is it the reason I am boring you.”
“Does Spike go to school?” Colt asked.
Twilight turned to Spike, who climbed up onto his own chair. “Nah, I’m Twilight’s assistant first and foremost, I also get enough of an education simply from studying with her. I skipped a few grades to catch up to her but I’m only a few years behind her, so I’m considered a graduate level intellect.”
“Cool, I only have a 146 IQ.” Colt replied.
“Well, that’s... uh.” Spike turned to Twilight before whispering. “Is that good or bad? ”
Twilight shrugs, unsure. “Depends on the species and testing criteria, among other variables. Either way, let’s get back to the subject. Classroom etiquette.”
“Does this society have indoor plumbing in things other than castles?” Colt asked honestly.
“Yes, though not throughout the entire country. There are still some places and small towns that use outhouses, but for it’s part, Ponyville has plumbing, though our farms are not set up for irrigation systems.”
“Okay, can I eat some beef jerky?”
Twilight pauses for a moment. “Beef... jerky?”
“Dried cow meat for snacking on the go, want to try some Spike?”
“We know what beef is, but we were... unaware of that preparation method. Usually meat that is let alone to sit for a long time spoils, especially in the hot sun and then anything other than a scavenger would find it inedible.” Twilight informed. “As for Spike eating it, go ahead, I’ve fed him small things that are supposed to be meat substitutes. Dragons need a diet of more than just gems after all.”
“So I get to try real meat for once?” Spike asked, rather intrigued. “Uh... thanks.”
“Okay one second,” Colt said as he reached into his coat as he went past the knives, his phone pockets and other things he kept in there he found the small bag of beef jerky he had purchased at the snack shop earlier. “It’s the cheap kind so don’t expect much, I have about thirty pounds of the good stuff at home marinating in soy sauce.” He said as he offered a piece to the little guy.
“Dried meat and soy sauce?” Twilight asked, confused. “That doesn’t even sound like a gryphon dish... what an interesting culinary background. I take it your race is omnivorous?”
Spike takes the slice of beef jerky and crams it into his mouth and his eyes go wide. “This is... amazing! It’s tough, really chewy, and... and salty, like rubber but edible, and tasty! ”
Twilight looked at the bag Colt was holding. Perhaps, if only for the sake of science... “May I have some?”
“Have at it sister,” Colt replied happily as she took a small piece from his hand.
Twilight holds it in her magical grasp, levitating in front of her. It smelled... smoky. And like it had been cooked in some way so it was debatably safe to eat... Twilight closes her eyes and pops the strip into her mouth and begins to chew resolutely. After a few minutes she swallows.
“Very tough.” She comments. “But I agree, it’s very interesting. Maybe too salty, but that’s mostly my own preference.” Twilight nods to herself. “Not bad, though given the way it’s prepared, I can hardly tell that it’s meat, aside from the fact that the shape reminds me of bacon in a way.”
“Do cows talk? Cause I don’t want my food talking to me…”Colt said flatly.
“Cows are sapient, yes, but usually the way most civilized races get meat is from cattle who have applied to donate their bodies to that cause, similar to how others donate their corpses to scientific research.” Twilight explains. “While Earth ponies will rarely eat red meats, pegasi tend to only eat fish when it comes to animals, while unicorns who still hold onto the ‘old ways’ of before the uniting of the tribes, or are simply of higher status, consider eating any form of meat barbaric and primitive.”
“How do ponies taste?” Colt asked.
Twilight, finally understanding the concept that this ‘anon’ creature was similar to Discord in that it rarely made sense and that the best way to placate it would be to play along. Twilight simply sighed. “We taste... with our tongues.”
“Why?” Colt asked as he tilted his head sideways.
“Because that’s where our tastebuds are located.” Twilight replied matter-of-factly.
“Do moth ponies exist?”
A bit out of the metaphorical left field Twilight had to pause. “Uh... no, there are several subspecies of pony beyond pegasi, unicorns, and alicorns, including seaponies, but no, there are no insectoid variations of the pony species.”
“Why is Sun Butt princess?” Colt asked.
“Sun Butt? Who-” Twilight is interrupted by Spike.
“I think he means Princess Celestia.”
Twilight thought that over for a moment before scowling. “I will not tolerate you outright insulting my mentor or my friends, especially behind their backs!”
“Should I say it to her face?” Colt asked.
Twilight’s scowl increased. “No, if you can’t say something nice , don’t say anything at all. ”
“Fine, Twihard…”
The creature had gone from provocative and childish to outright insulting in a matter of moments for no apparent reason, leaving Twilight at a loss of what to do. Aside from the obvious that is. “My name is Twilight Sparkle, or simply Twilight. I may not care for my title as princess very much, but I at least want the common courtesy of not being insulted in my own home.”
“I wanna make a pillow fort, Spike you got any pillows and blankets?” Colt asked.
“No.” Twilight replied, stepping in front of Colt. “I don’t know who you are Anon, but you are being rude. The least you can do is apologize!”
“For giving you a nickname?” Colt questioned.
“For giving me a potentially demeaning nickname.” Twilight clarified. “I may not even know what the name is supposed to mean or imply but given your utter lack of respect for Princess Celestia, I can only assume you are treating me the same way you are treating her: With utter disrespect and hostility that was absolutely uncalled for.”
“Kay.” Colt stated.
Twilight pouted angrily. “No! Not ‘Kay’ at all, apologize!”
“Hmmmmm, nah.” Colt responded.
Twilight took several deep breaths before continuing. “I don’t know how your society is structured, but as long as you are a citizen of Equestria, you will follow our laws and societal norms. That includes apologizing for faults, especially intentional ones.”
“Life’s not perfect.” Colt replied.
“No, it’s not, which is why everypony should strive to make it at least nice if it can’t be perfect or fair, and that means being civil!” Twilight replied sternly. “If you continue to act rude and dismissive, I... I... I may take disciplinary measures.”
“By?” Colt inquired.
Twilight was no stranger to mild punishment, both giving and receiving but she wasn’t sure what would work on the creature. As she pondered a thought came to her. ‘If it works on puppies and doesn’t hurt them he should be fine. ’ With that thought completed Twilight lit up her horn and lifted Colt into the air and shook him violently before setting him down.
“What the actual fuck was that? You could’ve broken my neck, how would you feel if I picked you up and shook you?”
“That is how mother dogs deal with misbehaving puppies. If you are going to act like a petulant child, you will be treated like one. Does your hundred-forty intelligence quotient allow you to understand cause and effect?” Twilight replied sternly.
“And this is how a murder happens.” Colt said flatly.
Twilight was taken aback before her eyes narrowed and wings shot open in defense. “Is that a threat!? ”
“Do I look like I’m ready to fight? I’m sitting here still a little dizzy.” Colt said.
Twilight’s stance didn’t change. “Spike, what do you think?”
Spike had his arms folded across his chest. “Sounded like a threat to me.”
“I will just go, this is only going to end in a fight, see ya!” Colt said as he stood to walk away from the alicorn and dragon.
Colt walked out the door but is quickly followed by Twilight, with Spike riding on her back. “Oh no, you are not wandering off alone. If you insist that this ends, we can start over. After you apologize for insulting my mentor and threatening to kill me.”
“I’d rather just go sit in a corner and have some alone time.” Colt responded.
“Very well, you can do that inside my castle. There are plenty of corners to choose from.”
“Fine...Oh yeah, here Spike take the rest, I’m not hungry.” Colt said as he tossed Spike the bag of jerky.
Spike caught the bag and speared a piece of beef with his claw, biting it in half with little effort. “Thanksh! But you should shtill apologizche.”
“Meh…” Colt replied as he stalked off down the hall as he looked for a quiet room to sit in, one far away from Twilight.
Unfortunately that wasn’t an option as, by this point, Twilight was not going to leave the creature alone. She would give him space but he clearly shouldn’t be without supervision. She’d send another letter to Celestia as well.
With Twilight in the room with him Colt couldn’t very well be alone with his thoughts…
“You could just sit outside and watch the door, I’m not jumping out the window you know. I can’t fly or perform magic.” Colt requested as Twilight watched him from her chair with Spike next to her, munching on some jerky.
“I don’t expect you to commit suicide, I expect you to calm down enough for some introspection, and hopefully realize how your actions have been incredibly childish, disrespectful, and even violent.”
“God, when did you adopt me?” Colt asked sarcastically.
“When you made it clear that you cannot go without adult supervision.” Twilight answered simply.
“Fine, I hope you find that chair comfortable cause you’re gonna be here a while.” Colt said as he pulled out his phone and put in his ear buds. ”Now I can’t hear you.”
While the fact that they had wires was an oddity to her, given the context of sound blockers, Twilight interpreted the objects as ear plugs of some kind. That was fine, she merely had to make sure he wasn’t going to be aggressive.
With his phone is his hand now he hit play on his music library which contained eighteen hours of music, his ear buds began to play the music and it echoed throughout the quiet room.
Twilight, for her part, could only assume that the noise she could hear would only be louder for Colt, completely ruining his request for silence. Sighing, Twilight cast a noise nullification spell around herself and Spike, blocking the noise out, and she began to dictate a letter to Celestia about the Anon’s recent behavior.
Spike sent the letter and several minutes passed before a bright light enveloped the room, blinding everyone in it, including Colt despite the fact that he was looking away. Eventually the light faded to show a very upset-looking Celestia, soon followed by Princess Luna.
Colt just turns up the music and tries to pretend he isn’t there. Unfortunately, this dismissive behavior was noticed by Luna. She lifts Colt up off the ground and brings him eye to eye with her. Now staring the creature in the masked face, Luna snorted heavily, anger very clear on her face.
“Just let me die already.” Colt stated submissively.
Luna snorted again. “Make good on your threat and I would certainly oblige!”
“Or we could skip the whole self defense thing and sweep me under the rug and pretend I never happened.” Colt suggested.
“There is no self defense in justice.” Celestia informed calmly. “Nor would killing you help any of us. We are not going to simply forget you either. We will send you back if possible, but until then you will follow our laws, you will treat others as you want to be treated and you will not ever deliver another death threat to any of my subjects. Do I make myself clear?”
“Fine…” Colt submitted “Anons don’t kill anyways.”
“Then don’t make threats that imply you will!” Luna yelled at the masked face of Colt.
“I didn’t mean it like that, I meant that things often get out of hand and things end badly which is why I wanted to walk away and stop creating a problem, but Twilight insisted she follow me.” Colt stated.
“Actually, as I recall reading...” Celestia levitated Twilight’s most recent letter to her face and began to read. “Twilight was reprimanding you for making insults and refusing to be civil. You then consider the reprimanding to be uncalled for and then say ‘This is how murders happen’ heavily implying that what had just occurred is reason to kill another sapient being in cold blood.”
“I was meaning that I was going to be the victim...Anons have been targeted before, even by those who protect us. I was afraid of what she could do, she has magic, I’m a man in a mask.”
“You certainly showed little regard for that earlier.” Twilight scoffed. “You continued to be a pain. You didn’t start acting like any sort of victim until I told somepony what you had done!”
“Fine, throw me in jail if you want. I’ll accept my sentence.” Colt said.
“You will not be thrown in jail, you will be reformed.” Celestia said calmly. “You will learn to treat others with respect, and to take responsibility for your actions. You will study our laws and follow them like any citizen of Equestria. As of now, you are considered a subject of ours and therefore will be treated as such. Should you disobey the laws you will be punished. And any mentions of somepony being killed by another will be dealt with very harshly. Are we understood?”
“Fine, only if she never uses magic on me again.” Colt bargained.
“That’s fair.” Twilight agreed. “Just realise that the only reason I used magic in tandem with disciplinary action was because you refused to cooperate and insisted on acting like a total jerk.”
“Aren’t there rules for using magic on non-magic users though? You could easily blast me to bits probably.” Colt said nervously.
Luna scowled and dropped Colt to the floor as she teleported away without a word. Twilight spoke up with “I have plenty of control over my magic. In fact, the amount of magic needed for any kind of killing spell would be astronomical, impossible for any normal unicorn. As for using magic to simulate things such as shaken foal syndrome... for one you are not an infant and seem to be mostly developed, therefore simple violent shaking wouldn’t cause any real damage. Getting on a roller coaster would jostle you more violently than I did.”
“Fine, but if you ever try that again I’m jumping and hoping for the best.” Colt stated as he pointed towards the window.
Twilight glared. “It, and its like, will never happen as long as you are civil and respectful to others.” Twilight said. “Remember, all I’m doing is replying to your actions. If you are rude without reason, you are going to be treated like a petulant child. If you are kind and courteous, you will be befriended. You get what you give.”
Celestia nodded, face expressionless.
“One last question...What can I refer to you as since Twi here won’t let me think of one on my own?” Colt asked the diarch.
“Anything that can’t be misconstrued as an insult of course. Simply think before you speak.” Celestia advised.
“Can I call you mommy?”
Celestia pauses, again at a loss for words. “Any... particular reason why you’d want to call me that?”
“Because calling you daddy would be awkward.” Colt said, eliciting a short laugh from Spike.
“Yes, I suppose it would...” Celestia admitted, giving a warm smile but no laugh or chuckle.
“Also as a quick lesson in anon culture, we playfully insult each other as a way to talk, even among friends we add little jokes in for the fun of it with no ill will behind it. I’m stuck in my ways and forgot that I’m not home anymore.” Colt admitted.
“That... is a very broken system.” Twilight pointed out. “But I suppose it’s alright as long as you’ve learned your lesson. You just need some time to adjust, and that time will be given of course, but for now I’d like it if you just apologized for calling me.... Twihard. It sounds insulting somehow but it makes no sense, really.”
“Do you want to know why I dubbed thee ‘Twihard’?”
“I guess I could have worded that as a question a bit better, but yes, I would.”
“On the internet spawned a famously bad series of books about sparkling vampires and werewolves and one of each falls in love with a female anon, it’s die-hard fans are sometimes referred to as Twi-hards, for their devotion to a bad romance novel series. Your name being twilight made me think of that.”
“That... makes no sense. Why would a vampire or a werewolf... do anything but hurt another creature, let alone fall in love...” Twilight argued in confusion.
“Yeah, and don’t even get me started on the story that came out of it’s fandom...ugh, so bad.” Colt shuddered. “It’s about a mental billionaire who convinces a girl to sign a contract to be his sex slave which included whips, chains, and paddles….Please tell me my world isn’t the only one that has crappy books.”
“I’ve... read some ridiculous children’s stories but I’ve never encountered one like that before...” Twilight said, getting a little green in the face.
“That’s just messed up.” Spike added.
“Wanna read it for laughs? I got a copy of it.” Colt asked.
“Ah, no, no I’m fine.” Twilight insisted.
“Well, it seems I’m not needed here. I’m glad we came to a peaceful solution.” Celestia said as she teleports away.”
“Damn, I wanted to see if she wanted to read it, I read it and found it hilariously bad, I got over a thousand books if you wanna read sometime.” Colt offered.
“As long as they’re not anything like those books, sure.” Twilight smiled before noticing the clock. “Oh, school's almost out. We should get there in time to meet Cheerilee if we leave now.”
“Most aren’t, my favorite series follows a powerful wizard who’s going to a school to learn magic and along the ways saves old family friends from wrongful imprisonment and defeat the dark wizard Lord Voldemort.”
“That sounds... interesting. I assume since it’s fiction they have a different magic system than ours?”
“I have no idea, I don’t know much about your magic other than your picking me up and shaking me.” Colt replied calmly.
“Wait, you have your own magic system? How does it work? Is it similar to griffon magic?” Twilight asked. “Come, I’ll show you to the schoolhouse, we can talk as we walk.”
“Fine, but in my world there is no magic, it’s not real, we use technology to survive.” Colt answered,”And griffons haver magic? I thought they were just animals?”
“While some are rather barbaric, it’s mainly from their carnivorous nature. Pygmy Griffons are the only subspecies of Griffon that has have magic similar to ponies. The rest of them are fairly magicless and therefore have integrated with ponies in order to advance in society, the isolationist griffon colonies usually take the longest to form proper cities due to a lack of interactions with ponies.”
“Huh, works for me, and I do have one thing to say about earlier…” Colt began, “I’m ...sorry”
“Excuse me?” Twilight pardoned herself, having not heard the apology.
“I said that I’m sorry.... It’s just that this was a lot to take in and well...I don’t think before I speak…” Colt admitted not looking at Twilight.
“That’s fair I suppose.” Twilight mused, walking along the dirt path to the schoolhouse. “Just don’t act like... like...”
“A total and utter prick?” Colt finished her thought.
“I wouldn’t use those exact words, but that’s accurate.” Twilight said. “Though I must insist that you hold your tongue a bit more when in school. Just because you know vulgar language doesn’t mean you have to use it.”
“Fine...Also how old are you and Spike? H looks like he’s five, but he said he had a graduate level education, are you both eggheads?”
Twilight scowled at the nickname but did nothing else besides respond. “We are not eggheads, we are well-read. I’m twenty-four, and Spike is sixteen.”
“What stunted his growth then? Shouldn’t he be at least a little taller than that?” Colt asked.
Twilight gave Colt a look, confused for a moment. “Ah, right, you don’t know much about dragons. For one, they mature physically very slowly since their lifespan is hundreds of thousands of years. Also, since Spike was raised as a pony and not a dragon he’s never developed the hoarding mannerism that other dragons have. If he had, by this point he’d be several stories tall if it was severe, maybe about four-and-a-half meters tall if it were kept in check. After a brief episode however, dealing with hoarding not being kept in check he’s given up any opportunities he’s given to grow up any faster than what he considers natural progression.”
“I feel bad for Spike though…” Colt said looking away from Twilight.
“Why’s that? He’s doing perfectly well if you ask me. His mental state is, compared to other dragons, thousands of years beyond other dragons his age... supposedly.”
“I just feel bad for the kid since he’s going to outlive his friends here. I’ve been to many funerals, it doesn’t get any easier losing a friend.”
“I’d rather we not talk about that, especially to Spike. He’s still a child as smart as he is, and as such I don’t feel comfortable having to explain to him that he’ll end up being forced to make new friends.”
“Fair enough. So… are we almost there? These shoes are kinda old and don’t provide much comfort when walking.”
“That red building over there is the school.” Twilight said, indicating said building over the next small hill. “And if you need shoes we can always go to a farrier later.”
“What’s a farrier? I’ve never heard that term before.” Colt asked.
“A farrier is somepony who makes shoes specifically for the individual so they’ll fit perfectly and offer protection for quite a few years.” Twilight suggested.
“Also I need some more clothes if I’m going to be here for a while, maybe a suit, an anon is nothing without a suit.”
“Very well, I know somepony who can help with that. But for now, we’re here.” Twilight said, presenting the building as they entered.
“Okay, I’m going to button up my coat before we go in though… I don’t think my shirt is school appropriate.” Colt said.
“Well, how bad is it?” Twilight asked.
“How bad is what?” asked a light cerise pony with a two-toned pink mane and tail.
“Nothing!” Colt said quickly.
“Oh, hello. Are you my new student?” Cheerilee asked with a warm smile.
“Indeed he is!” Twilight responded happily. “And I’d be glad to tutor him if the need arises.”
“Why, thank you Twilight that’s very nice of you. So, your name is Anon?” Cheerilee aimed the last part at Colt.
“What subjects do you teach exactly or are you a jack of all trades kind of teacher?” Colt probed.
“Well, there are a few courses I’ve studied but don’t teach as a profession such as biology and such. I’m a grade school teacher, so I’m technically overqualified for my job but out here in this little valley town I’m the best they have.” Cheerilee smiled, rolling her eyes.
“Do you teach calculus? I need to brush up on my math skills.” Colt asked.
“I know it, but do I teach it? Heavens no, my class is still in third to fourth grade, they aren’t ready for a full course on calculus.” Cheerilee explained.
“Okay, I’m mostly interested in history though, how much of that do you cover?” Colt inquired
“I teach plenty of history, though you’d need to catch up with the class, I’m willing to have you enrolled tomorrow but keep in mind that you will be behind, so I suggest you take Twilight up on her offer to tutor you.” Cheerilee suggested. “I’m sure there’s lots for you to learn before you catch up.”
“Okay, can you give me some names of books you guys use so I can catch up? Twi, you have general education books right?”
Twilight blinks before facehoofing. “Right, I forgot you haven’t seen my library... Yes I have multiple copies of textbooks on subjects of all kinds for all age groups.”
“Sweet, maybe we can do a book exchange, you get to read some of my books and I get to read some of yours.” Colt offered.
“Maybe after you’ve caught up with the other children.” Twilight replies.
Cheerilee pulls out a piece of parchment and hands it to Twilight. “Here are all the subjects and lessons I’ve already covered. Anyways, I need to get home soon. My garden needs attention and there are a few weeds to take care of.”
“Okay, do you have any carnivorous plants, like a pitcher plant or a venus fly trap?” Colt asked.
“No, our climate doesn’t allow them to grow here.” Cheerilee replied. “I don’t have any exotic flowers in my garden actually, I prefer low-upkeep plants since I don’t spend much time in my front yard anymore.”
“Okay.” Colt said.
“Well, I have books that cover all of these so I should be able to help Anon catch up, it may take a few long study sessions though.” Twilight said, scanning the list and tucking it under her wing to carry.”
“Well I have math on lockdown but the rest I would like to learn, mainly english and grammar skills.”
“English?” Cheerilee asked confusedly, she looked to Twilight who shrugged in response. “Is that... a language?”
“That’s what we’re speaking right now, unless you have another name for it.”
“Well, we call it Equestrian, mainly because it originated from early Equines, who passed it along to other species and it has become the most widely-spoken language in the country and is even spoken in surrounding areas.” Cheerilee educates. “The other popular languages are- oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to get off-topic, I guess that’s what happens when you’ve been teaching for twelve years.”
“It’s okay, I get off topic a lot.” Colt admitted
Cheerilee left the schoolhouse followed by Twilight and Colt and the three split up, Cheerilee heading to her house and Twilight taking Colt around Ponyville.
“I’d like you to meet my friends, the first one is-”
“Hello!” A pink blur launched from absolute nowhere latched itself onto Colt for a ‘welcome hug’ before bouncing off onto the ground revealing a very pink, vibrating pony.
“Holy shit! Where’d you come from?!” Colt asked.
“I came from over there!” Pinkie says, holding out a hoof to point in the general direction of the Pie family rock farm.
“Okay then...And what’s your name?” Colt questioned the pink pony.
“I’m Pinkie Pie, the premier party pony, and you are in need of a party welcoming you to Ponyville!”
“What kind of party? Will there be vodka?”
“For a welcome party, are you crazy? I’m inviting the entire town, including foals. I only made that mistake once and I swore to Granny Pie that I’d never do it again, I mean can you imagine how much damage hard drinks can do to a kid? Have you ever seen one drunk? It’s so sad when you realize you let it happen, no not even Berry Punch lets her kids drink and she and her husband own a bar! Have you been to the Frothy Mug yet? It’s amazing, I go there all the time, Berry is such an amazing mare. She can mix a drink that’ll make your brain go ker-splooey with how sweet it is, or so sour your nose implodes! What do you like? Sweet or sour? Or both? I’ve tried both and I ended up-”
“Hey Twi, wanna hit the bar later?” Colt interrupted.
Twilight pondered for a moment. “Well, maybe, but something light, you’re going to be studying later.”
“Kay, so Pinkie, what do you do for a living?” Colt questioned.
“I’m a baker, like the Cakes, they own Sugarcube corner and I rent the upstairs room. I’ve been told that if I didn’t get my cutie mark for throwing parties I’d get one for baking. What do you think it would look like? Maybe a cupcake or the MMMMM or a-”
“What’s a cutie mark?” Colt asked.
“I’ll cover that later, actually.” Twilight said. “For now, just a simple explanation will do. A Cutie Mark is, in very basic terms, a symbol on a pony’s flank that displays what they are best at or meant to do. There’s a lot more to it than that but the details can wait.”
“So it’s like a tattoo? I got two of them then if that’s the case.” Colt said as he rolled up his sleeves revealing two tattoos on the upper part of each arm.
“Well, no, a Cutie Mark is earned, it’s not as easy to get as a tattoo. Furthermore, a Cutie Mark is a sign of maturity. If you ask me anypony who pays to have their body irreversibly marked for the sake of having one is like defacing your own body.”
“Well, I like them so that’s all that matters.”
“So what does Error 404 mean?” Pinkie asks, looking at Colt’s left shoulder.
“It’s a computer joke, error 404 means that a file wasn’t found, so error 404 tattoo means the tattoo file wasn’t found.” Colt explained the best he could.
“I still don’t get it...” Twilight said, confused.
Pinkie Pie shrugs, smiling. “Well I guess you’re not supposed to, the ponies I know who get tattoos, do it for themselves to enjoy. If others like it then that’s just a boon.”
“Yup! The other one is the eye of one of my old pets, sadly she died of intestinal problems.” Colt said.” So I got it in memory of her.”
“Isn’t that a bit morbid?” Twilight asked, quirking an eyebrow. “Who wants to remember that somepony died?”
“I don’t think so, I had her ashes in a miniature urn back home. She was my favorite pet even though she almost bit off part of my hand.” Colt explained.
Pinkie coughs. “Anyways, I better go set up your party. I’ll see you later!”
“Okay, so who’s next?”
Twilight ushered Colt further down the path. “You said you need a suit. Well while Pinkie is setting up your party we’ll go see Rarity. She designs and makes clothes for a living.”
A wild Fashionista Appears!
Twilight leads Colt towards Carousel Boutique which happens to be past Sugarcube Corner given the direction they were headed. Deciding to stop by and show the place off, Pinkie grabs Colt by the arm and yanks him along happily chattering about the Cakes, the building, and what sorts of things they have on their menu and specialty items that can be ordered at a higher price which aren’t on the menu.
“Originally since it’s a bakery, we didn’t have milkshakes on the menu, but since the kids like them so much we put it on there but we had to take cupcakes off the menu, but we figured ‘Hey, it’s a bakery, you can probably assume we have cupcakes’ and so we started revamping our menus but eventually gave up and just stuck with what we had, and we still tweak it every few months when the Cakes have a special dessert that’s only available for a limited time. Like the first special we had, we made these things called ‘Snow Cones’ and a lot of ponies liked it.”
“I think he understands, Pinkie.” Twilight said, smiling placatingly. She liked Pinke a lot but sometimes the chatter was just too much. “Either way we aren’t stopping to eat, we’re just passing by on the way to Carousel Boutique. That’s the name of Rarity’s shop. She can get you a suit, probably.”
A few more minutes of walking later and Colt is feeling tired from the exercise. Not used to so much consecutive physical activity, he’s tiring out. Fortunately, the boutique designed after a carousel (minus the impaled horses), is within their reach. They walk in and a bell dings, announcing their arrival.
“Be right with you, Darling!” a voice chimed from the back, amongst a bunch of shuffling noises.
To one side of the room can be seen a smaller pegasus who was dark brown with black mane and tail unpacking a few paintings from a messenger bag and laying them next to mannequins that were wearing elaborate dresses that match their colors. She seemed to be lost in thought and humming a tune, not seeing the others that have entered the boutique behind her.
“Do you work for Rarity?” Colt asked the pegasus. Even Twilight had not seen this pony before.
“Hm?” She turned around to look back at them, “Oh, no I d-don’t.” She stammered shocked from both a princess in her presence and Colt, who was a critter she hadn’t seen before. “I’m an artist she had commissioned some artwork for her new line, just here to deliver. Also, hello princess, heh.” She waved, awkwardly.
“What, I don’t get a ‘hi’? I has a sad now…” Colt said, feigning dejection.
Twilight smiles at the pegasus. “Hello, I’ve never seen you around Ponyville before. Are you visiting?”
“Technically yes, I’m delivering art to ponies that ordered them.”
Twilight quirked her head in confusion. “You do the art and deliver it? Why not send them through the mail? Our local delivery mare may be a bit eccentric but she’s more than reliable.”
The pegasus chuckled, “Well, I really like the look on a pony’s face when they see the art, it’s what makes it truly worth it to me. I’m lucky that I’m not too famous that I can’t keep delivering them myself.” She waved a hoof at Colt to note his statement of feeling left out “Also, hello, I’m Sierra, otherwise known as Longheart by my art persona.” She chuckled again, feeling slightly awkward for her introduction and brushing her mane out of her face that had fallen over one eye, revealing a blue highlight on one side.
“Hi to you too Sierra.” Colt said, waving back.
“Uh, hold on...” Twilight said, thinking to herself. She wasn’t used to being treated like a princess and was trying to remember the proper greeting. Sighing and shaking her head she decided to wing it. “Hello Sierra, and welcome to Ponyville. I hope you have a pleasant stay.” Not realizing she sounds more like a hotel receptionist than an actual princess, she holds out a hoof to shake.
Sierra cleared her throat as she walked over to Twilight to shake it, “Thanks, and so far it has been!” She smiled, keeping her head a bit down in both reverence for Twilight and uncertainty over Colt.
“Sorry to keep you all waiting!” the voice from earlier called out as the back door to the boutique opened up, “How may I be of assistance?” She asked, placing a hoof to her chest in a regal-like pose, her shoulders held back and chin high, as well as her eyes closed though only for a moment. She opened her eyes to see her friend Twilight and smiled, but then saw Colt and stalled for a moment in loss of words. Surely, if he had shown up alone she would be afraid of him at first, but now she looks at her friend with a questioning look.
Twilight smiled back at Rarity. “Hello Rarity! This is Anon, he’s just arrived in Equestria, and I’m just showing him around town and introducing him. He said he needed some clothes and I decided you’d have the best eye for what he would look good in.”
“Yeah I need a suit and about a week’s worth of clothes.” Colt stated. “ An anon without a suit can hardly call himself an anon.”
“But of course,” Rarity smiled though it looked a little awkward, “I would however need to measure you out if I were to design you some suits.” She pointed to the stage behind her that she cleared off with her magic. “What kind of suits do you need?”
“A shadow pinstripe suit is what I had back home so one of those would be nice, and then some regular clothes, I can’t very well wear this trench coat forever. Oh and if you do make me a suit make sure it has lots of pockets on the inside.” Colt said
“Why do you need so many pockets?” Twilight questioned, unaware of the foam-plastic armory Colt carried.
“Should I incorporate your mask into my suit designs?” she asked, pulling out a measuring tape with her magic.
“How would you do that?” Colt questioned the fashionista.
Twilight rolled her eyes. “She means do you want the suit to compliment your mask. Why do you wear that silly thing anyways? It looks ridiculous, and Nightmare Night isn’t for several months.”
“ I would like you to incorporate my mask into the suit you are making, thanks. Alos Twi, it is a sign of support for our cause.”
“What sort of ‘cause’ requires a mask? Most ponies who do that sort of thing wear a symbol over their Cutie Mark, not their face.” While Twilight had him distracted, Rarity started measuring out his legs, to include the size of his thighs and calves.
“Since anons lack Cutie Marks we cover our faces because once someone sees this mask they know who we are as a whole.” Colt calmly.
“But they don’t know who you are as an individual, that makes no sense unless...” A realization dawns on Twilight. “Does Anon happen to be short for ‘anonymous’ as in, unknown?”
“Very good Twi! You’re paying attention.” Colt said rather loudly giving her a golf clap. After he had finished clapping, Rarity gestured for him to hold out his arms so she could measure them out, stretching the tape from shoulder to wrist as well as around the arm.
Twilight smirks. “I’m always paying attention, it’s what good students do. And speaking of school, you will be studying everything Cheerilee has already covered before tomorrow, so expect a long night.” Twilight said the last part as a warning. “I hope you have a better attention span than you act, because otherwise it will take all night.”
“I’m not afraid of pulling all nighters, I once stayed up three days straight using all my food money for coffee to write a paper.” Colt said laughing a bit.
“Alright, if you say you can... now let’s get you some clothes. And after that, you said you need to see a farrier.” Still taking advantage of Colt being distracted, Rarity finished measuring out his chest size and waist, writing down all the numbers she got.
“What’s a farrier again? I think it has something to do with...shoes?”
“A farrier is a pony who specializes in making shoes specifically tailored to an individual, so that they are sturdy and will last a very long time and offer protection no matter what the wearer does.” Twilight explained, fearing that the study session will end up taking forever if this anon creature was so forgetful.
“Do they just make horseshoes or do they also make cloth ones? Mine are made of a mesh fabric and rubber with a soft gel insole.”
“Fabric and... rubber? How does that help protect your hooves from rocky and uneven terrain? Metal shoes would last much longer anyways, no wonder you say yours are falling apart!”
“Here let me give you a closer look,”Colt said as he removed his right shoe revealing his foot, he just realised her forgot to wear socks, no wonder he was uncomfortable.
Twilight stares at the foot. “Well, I can’t think of a way to replicate whatever material this is without further study in my lab, so for now it seems you’ll have to settle for some sort of fabric wrap.”
“Okay, do you guys not have rubber plants in this country?” Colt wondered.
“We do, but this isn’t rubber, it’s been... treated somehow. I will have to study these further. In the meantime, we will have to wrap your feet somehow, the packed, dry dirt roads of Ponyville will surely irritate your bare feet.”
Rarity coughed to get their attention, “I do believe I finished my measurements.” She stated, ensuring they weren’t still distracted before continuing with her follow up question. “You said a Shadow Pinstripe suit, yes? What sort of clothing did you have in mind, besides this suit?”
“Just some t-shirts, shorts and some socks.”
“Shorts?” Rarity questioned, “S-Socks and a erm… ‘T-shirt’ I’ve heard of before but I’m unaware of what shorts would be.” she asked, holding a hoof out and upright with a raised eyebrow.
“Yeah, ankle high socks, I need them so i don’t ruin my shoes any further.” Colt states, “Oh wait can I ask you to put something on them?”
Twilight sighs. “If it’s going to be inappropriate for school like you say your current shirt is, I’m going to veto that request.”
“No, I already have one of these shirts I don’t need another. I was wondering if she could incorporate some computer designs into my t-shirts.”
“Computer design…?” Rarity looked even more confused then shook her head for a moment, “Well, as much as this would be no problem for me I do believe I may be overspecialized a little bit for what you’re asking. The suit, not so much, I’m just not one for making ‘regular’ clothing.” She smiled reassuringly, “However, if you wish for each of them to be unique and shine, then I’d be the perfect choice.” She noted, placing her hoof against her chest again with pride.
“Just don’t make it too feminine, that’s all I ask, or would you like to see the designs I’m talking about?”
“If you have a reference I would most certainly appreciate it, as well as you answering my previous question about what shorts are.” Rarity replied, trying her best not to be rude.
“Let me show you,” Colt said as he took off his trench coat revealing his realistic LARPing knives, countless pockets, and a pair of loose-fitting silver basketball shorts, “See? These are shorts, well, these are basketball shorts to be specific, they are really comfy.”
“Ah y-yes, s-shorts. Do you um, want them the same color?” Rarity replied, taking a couple steps back from the sudden surprise of the realistic looking knives
“You pick whatever color you want, I’m not picky.” Colt said as he picked up his trenchcoat.
Rarity glanced at Twilight with a very questioning look before looking back at Colt, “O-of course, I’ll get an assortment ready for you to choose from within a day or two. Would this be adequate?” She asked, looking for an excuse to leave the room
“Whatever works for you Marshmallow, thanks.” Colt said happily.
“Heh, right, yes. ‘Marshmallow’. How um… Creative of you.” She coughed, again, trying not to be rude.
“I take it you don’t appreciate the nickname, then what shall I refer to you as?”
“Rarity will do fine, that is my name after all. I will start these orders this afternoon. I’ll erm... call for Twilight when they’re ready.” She said, walking back to her workshop room.
“Okay Rar.” Colt responded.”Thanks again.”
“Anytime, Dearest.” She said before going through the door, her notebook with his measurements floating in behind her.
“Alright, now where to Twihar-I mean Twilight?” Colt asked, catching himself on the insult.
“Well, while we’re waiting on those clothes, we should head back to my home and study. You want to do well in school tomorrow.” Twilight says, looking over the paper Cheerilee gave her another time.
“Back home I slept through all of my classes and got B’s, so this shouldn’t be too hard. Just give me some coffee and a book to read.” Colt stated.
Twilight frowned. “I’m afraid that won’t work here mister, I’m going to make sure that participation is a required part of your grade.”
“Um, Excuse me, Princess?” A voice called out behind them as they left the boutique
Twilight, still not used to being referred to as ‘princess’ takes a moment to realize she was being addressed. “Oh, yes, did you need something?” Turning, Twilight sees Sierra, and smiles. “Oh, hello again.”
“Hi, sorry to bother you but I was wondering if you or your friend wanted a painting of any sort? Or um, perhaps Anon would like a portrait? I don’t get too many opportunities to make something uh… exotic.” She asked, clutching onto her messenger bag rather tightly hiding slightly behind it.
Twilight sighed, as she had to turn down another pony wanting to make her something. “I’m sorry, but I don’t need a statue of myself or a large painting above my mantle. I just... I’m not that kind of princess.”
“Would you prefer if you had a statue of mommy watching you while you sleep?” Colt asked Twilight, mockingly.
“I do not need my mother to sleep comfortably.” Twilight huffed indignantly.
“Fine, I guess having Spike is enough, now to get edumacated Also I don’t really want a picture, I don’t wanna take up all of the castle with a big ass painting. No offense.”
“Alrighty, sorry to bother you two, If you ever change your mind I’ll be in town for a few more days then I’ll be back in Canterlot.” She stated, trying to sound chipper but looked a little defeated as she fluttered off.
“Sorry!” Twilight called after the saddened pegasus, before turning back to Colt. “Now then, Anon, yes. Education. We can meet my other friends at another time. For now we need to catch you up.”
“Fine, can we start with history?”
“Indeed we can.” Twilight replied as she led him back to the castle. “We’ll start with the banishment of Nightmare Moon...”
