Red and Black 2

"Princess Celestia, we must insist that you return Somnus Wisp to my family this instant!" a unicorn stallion with a golden coat and a copper mane hissed as he marched left and right through the Royal Court, with two elderly unicorn ponies with entirely greyed coats and manes cantering in step behind him. The nobles all looked at the trio with scrunched noses and distasteful shaking of their heads.

"But Somnus Wisp has died three years ago," Luna retorted, shaking her head in kind. "We'd have to exhume the body to return her to you."

"Nonsense! A notary told us she's in some hit squad or some such rubbish!" the golden-coated unicorn retorted, scowling at this point. He lifted a hoof, stomped it, and added, "He even gave us a bloody picture of her as she is now! We demand that you remove those accursed tentacles from her body and return her to us at once!" That caused the crowd of nobles to murmur amongst themselves, exchanging glances as the proclamation set in.

Luna frowned. "That's an entirely different mare. She just happened to look like Somnus Wisp is all," she replied, hoping that this could convince the stallion and his two eerily monotone lackeys to back off.

Unfortunately, he pressed on, "'That mare' has Somnus's distasteful cutie mark! There's no chance she could have dyed her coat and painted something else in the place of a z-laden fireball!" The gathered nobles muttered some more, all eyes glued to the stallion at this point.

Then, one of the two lackeys spoke up in a frighteningly dead voice that barely passed off as masculine, "Somnus has yet to pay off her debt to the House of Hydrapike. As a member of Hydrapike herself, she is steeped very deeply in… unpaid dues."

"What do you mean by 'unpaid dues,' exactly?" Luna pressed, eyes narrowing slightly at the notion. She could feel her patience starting to run at its end.

The copper-maned stallion donned a cocky smirk that Luna found sickening; it reminded her of Sir Golden Gelding, and her stomach began forming into knots. "Well… she's spent half the House's fortune on commoner-grade alcohol for one; two, she blew the other half of said fortune on a failed tuition of the highest caliber…"

He paused to let it sink in, and only spoke when he was certain the gathered ponies fully absorbed the weight of his words, "Thirdly, she had the temerity to be allergic to gold. I had to buy her an entirely new set of jewelry to keep her from breaking out."

Luna assumed a tight frown. "Being allergic to gold? What sort of crime is that?" she asked sincerely, unsure of what the hell his third piece to his argument had anything to do with the rest of his riff-raff. "That's not something anypony could control."

“That’s beside the point! The point is, Somnus Wisp needs to pay us what she owes, or we’ll be forced to take more… drastic measures!” the copper-maned pony hissed, his smirk widening.

Luna shook her head. "Somnus. Is. Dead. How could she possibly pay these dues, which are very likely imagined at best, when she isn't even around to hear thy insane proclamations? You might as well ask Shining Armor to revive and wed King Sombra in the course of seventy-two hours!" she exclaimed, lifting a forehoof to wave it for emphasis.

“We have evidence of her involvement in your prized task forces,” the dead-voiced pony spoke up again.

Luna's wings flared at that utterance. These guys had evidence? But then she halted and assessed the situation, looking over the trio to find they had no shred of paper hovering next to them in magical fields, no photos for reference, no documents stating anything to the contrary. "Where is this evidence, then? It seems you've trotted in bare-hoofed," she retorted with confidence, a small smile budding on her face. "And that is the one thing you should never do when approaching the Royal Court; coming here to make insane demands without anything backing your inane claims up."

The dead-voiced pony’s horn glowed a dark green before it materialized a manilla folder next to him.

“We’ve had a contractor take these photographs. It seems she’s not alone.” Luna paled instantly. Contractors? Part of her wondered where and how they'd gotten whatever it was they said they'd had.

She dared to say, "Sh-show me these photos. A-at once." One picture went flying towards her as soon as she made the request, and she deftly caught it with her raised hoof once it was close enough. Sweat started beading her brow when she brought it to her muzzle and saw a scene of Canterlot's train station, with Ember and Patient just leaving the car, followed very shortly by Koto and Tenmei.

“We know at least one of those ponies in the photograph is currently with her. We have eyes around every corner. And here you sit, on your lofty and high throne, feigning ignorance? I, Viscount Cyril Goldhoof, fifteenth son of the House of Hydrapike, will not stand for this folly,” the copper-maned stallion snorted, his smile widening to the point his cheeks shook and threatened to tear.

Luna's face hardened, forming into a scowl. Her wings flared wide, and she rose to stand on her back legs before stomping her front hooves solidly upon the floor. "How about this, Viscount Cyril, should you dare show your face in this Court ever again, or I happen to hear you continue to stalk a mare whose resemblance to Somnus Wisp is coincidental at best, I will have you swiftly executed and eviscerated before the day is out! Now leave, at once!" she yelled, her voice echoing across the Court.

The three ponies exchanged glances, but Cyril's smirk had fallen to be replaced with a frown so deep it seemed to stretch from ear to ear. Without warning, he broke into a gallop, rushing towards Luna with his horn angled at her throat. Before they could connect, a white-and-blond blur shot from the crowd and sent him back with a magical aura of his own, right into the waiting hooves of two royal guards who dove in to catch him.

When the world caught up to Cyril, the first thing he saw was a huffing, puffing, red-faced and fuming Prince Blueblood. His normally-slicked back mane was a mess of tangles, his eyes were bloodshot and twitching, and one hoof was raised and shaking, struggling to stay there as though he were contemplating whether or not to punch Cyril in the snout.

“Don’t you dare try to touch my dear Auntie Lulu again, or I will have you drawn and quartered like the miserable wretches you are!” Blueblood roared in fury. He turned to the guards. "Get them out of the Court, at once!" The guards obeyed, and two more filed in from the doors to round the pale lackeys up before all three were escorted out.

A few minutes passed, with Blueblood standing there, dropping his hoof as he took in shuddering and shallow breaths in an attempt to gather his nerves. The crowd was now facing him, half of them gaping and the other half managing small smiles. Only when he collected himself did he turn to Luna. "Might we add a third part to my treaty regarding the hit squads?" he asked slowly.

Luna nodded. "You were the one who passed that bill," she replied. Then she cracked a smile. "What is it, dearest nephew?"

Blueblood took several more minutes to formulate an answer in his head, before it rolled off of his tongue, "Anypony caught threatening, harassing, or otherwise harming or obstructing the Royal-approved hit squads shall be treated as red and black degenerates. This includes getting documents and photographs without their consent, unless it's by the press or the approved notaries."

"A sound thing to add to the bill. But… it must be held off, for now," Luna began, her utterance making all in the room gape and turn to her. She turned to the door that Cyril was dragged out of, feeling the weight of the stares boring into her. "I've a feeling we might need to delve into an investigation first."

"Agreed," Blueblood replied once he'd overcome his shock.

"Also… I would like to warn… her that she's not the only one with more eyes than she knows what to do with, if you catch the drift," Luna added solemnly, her wings folding and tensing at her sides. "I know not how deep the rabbit hole goes… and suffice to say, I'm not taking chances."

"Might I aid her, then?" Blueblood asked, in turn causing Luna to turn to him with pupils shrinking to the size of pinpricks. "I could help her and her squadmates out; Cyril did say he has eyes in every corner… but would that mean just here, or all across Equestria? As it stands, a valued member of the makeshift emergency defense team is being threatened. We cannot risk harm befalling her; I heard from Shining Armor that she's already compromised enough."

Luna took a few seconds to blink and let it soak in. On one hoof, Blueblood himself wasn't a member of any squadron; on the other, though, he had a very valid point. She straightened her posture and fluffed her wings before answering, "Only if you act within Equestria's laws. And swear to not freak out about her tentacles until you are in your bedchambers once the threat over her head has passed. Do I make myself clear?"

*********

Patient and Ember trotted through one of Canterlot Castle's many hallways, flanked on either side by two royal guards who kept their distance. Ember's stub-tentacle fidgeted as they rounded a bend, and her tail shifted to rest between her rear legs. "Where are we going?" Patient asked, frowning as he could see Ember's uneasiness from the corner of his eye.

A guard cryptically answered, "Somepony has requested an audience with you two."

"But who? Why? What did we do wrong?" Ember asked in a frightened tone, shuddering as several bleak possibilities formed in her mind. Her ears fell back as she and the rest of the group kept on trotting along.

“Neither of you did anything wrong, but this is a very important pony who would like to discuss something,” the guard elaborated. “If you’ll just follow me, I’ll show you to him.”

That did little to ease Ember's growing trepidation. If anything, she was more incensed to turn and make a run for it. "Godcat help me," she muttered.

“Just this way,” the guard said as he rounded a corner to a short hall that ended with an open door. Patient and Ember trailed behind him to the room beyond that door, bracing themselves for whatever or whomever wanted to see them.

The decorations were lavish, almost garishly so; if there was a rare gemstone or expensive mineral, it was used to frame pictures and dot tables like somepony's deranged art experiment. Sitting on a couch hewn of brass, with plush silk cushions was the last pony Patient and Ember expected. He beckoned them on with a raised, curling hoof, and the two very reluctantly trotted to him with faces set in wide-eyed gapes.

"P-P-P-Prince Blueblood?" Ember squeaked, unable to comprehend what—or more accurately, whom—she was seeing. Hastily, she bent her front legs to bow, keeping her tentacles folded at her sides out of sheer shock.

Patient reeled in his jaw and bowed, though he muttered, "Why am I not surprised?"

“I’m sure you’re wondering why I’ve summoned you here, aren’t you?” Blueblood asked. When the two stood and shook their heads in unison, he frowned. “I have a proposition, but it seems the guards didn't inform you of it.” He turned to glare at the two guards briefly, who flinched and folded their ears back.

“What would that be?” Patient asked as he finally reeled in his surprise.

Blueblood turned back to Patient and his face softened. "To cut a long story short, in your vernacular, there have been ponies… spying on you two since you came to Canterlot this morning. The only reason I know of this was because the ponies doing it were stupid enough to reveal themselves before the entirety of the Royal Court," he began.

Ember paled, and her stomach twisted into a knot. "Y-you're kidding," she muttered.

Blueblood shook his head. His horn glowed, and in a flash of light a small stack of papers appeared. He passed the sheaf to Patient, who took it in his own magic. "I sincerely wish I was joking about this," he replied grimly.

Patient flipped through the papers, finding several dated photos of him and Ember in various locales. Somepony even caught them receiving the 'happy ending' treatment in the spa; Patient courtesy of Colgate, and Ember getting one from two masseuses. Patient looked at the dates on each photograph, noticing some years old and others being fairly recent.

A few were even taken that very day. He paled and turned to Blueblood. "Is this… blackmail material?" he asked.

"No, because I'm not a blackmailer. However, the ponies who took the photos could have used it as such, if they weren't confiscated earlier today," Blueblood replied. "And that's just what they had with them at the time."

"What… do they want?" Patient asked, his ears folding back.

"Your tentacled companion," Blueblood replied, turning to Ember. She flinched and sat down with her tail moving between her rear legs to cover her assets. "And they want her… as just a pony. They demanded we remove her tentacles and such, which would be a death sentence. Her extra limbs and third eye are attached to far too many vital arteries and organs to count."

Blueblood turned back to the still-blanching Patient. "And maybe your head… and the heads of the other Surgeons, and possibly even the Task Force. Though on that, I am not entirely certain," he added. "They even had some pretty… bizarre reasons for wishing to claim your friend."

Patient gritted his teeth behind his lips and sighed. He could feel his cheeks flushing with anger, embarrassment, and disgust. Nopony touches him or his friends! Unless it was Colgate fussing over their teeth or something along those lines. "What…" He gathered himself before he could explode, "what 'bizarre' reasons did they have?"

Blueblood's face hardened. "They claimed she blew the family fortune on a failed tuition and, I quote, commoner-grade alcohol," he replied. "They even cited her gold allergy as a reason, strangely enough. It's an allergy; what are they going to do, just wish upon a star to make it go away?"

He turned to the guards, and sighed. "Summon Duchess Sapphire Reedwind of the House of Reedpipes this instant. I have something to tell her too," he ordered. The guards nodded and filed out of the room, and soon all that was left of them was the fast-fleeting sound of their galloping hooves.

"House of Reedpipes?" Patient queried, turning to Blueblood again with a brow raised.

Blueblood nodded. "Yes. Some of the Noble Houses have ludicrous names," he answered. "Some of them have never ceased to amaze me. Some of their Knight Houses are even worse."

"Such as?" Patient pressed.

Blueblood smirked. "There's the House of Cushions, and their Knights are called the Rim Jobs. The Reedpipes also have the largest collection of woodwind instruments in all of Equestria. I heard a Knight for that clan also uses, of all things, a yo-yo as a weapon," he answered.

Patient's eyes rolled and then widened, as he recalled somegryph who used a yo-yo as a weapon. “So you’re tellin’ me that…”

Blueblood nodded, cutting him off. "Oh, yes, the Task Force is mostly Knights. Only one of them's a noble," he answered. He leaned in just a little closer to Patient and added, "And that's one of several things a pony should never do: threaten nobility and Knights." He leaned back afterwards. "The rest of the Court was… hesitant to let them join the battle against the red and black menace since they're still young and impulsive, but alas, one such monster hurt the young Reedpipes heiress. Managed to break half her horn off."

Patient's jaw dropped. "No way…" His brain struggled to process what he'd just heard.

Blueblood nodded. "And ever since then, she'd been bashing red and black faces in. I have no clue what else the alicorns have done to upset her, but I suppose she's merely acting within the Golden Rule: they treated her terribly, she's every right to treat them terribly in kind," he stated. "Poor dear's probably going to be the laughing stock of the more… cold-hearted nobles of the Court, if she were to ever return without a fully-grown horn again. It would be remiss of me to let that happen."

"And one such cold-hearted noble had to be dragged to prison today," Blueblood concluded, shifting his forelegs to rest one over the other. "All because he made those photographs."

Patient reeled in his jaw again, yet still his brain threatened to black out. He felt a supporting hoof come to rest on his withers, though that hoof trembled. He swallowed a lump and began taking deep breaths to calm himself. Blueblood was silent, seemingly content to let his guests absorb the information. Several minutes passed in silence, only broken when the sound of galloping hooves echoed in from outside the room. The three turned as a duchess with a crisp, cyan coat and a blue mane cantered into the room, followed very closely by a frowning Koto.

The duchess had a deep frown on her face, and she turned to Blueblood. "Is it true? Is it true that somepony might have threatened my child?" she hissed.

"Sadly, Sapphire Reedwind, that would seem to be the case," Blueblood answered with a slow nod. "It was a pity you didn't attend Court today; otherwise, you'd have seen the pony who made the threat."

Sapphire's glower deepened. She cantered over and sat down next to Ember. "Why?" she growled.

"I have no idea as to why they would threaten your child… but they have also threatened one of said child's… friends," Blueblood answered, figuring that was a good reply as any. "And that, in my book, counts as a threat to the child herself."

Patient felt another hoof poking at his withers, and he turned to find Koto looking at him with concern. She sat down next to him, her brow slanting. 'Is it true?' she seemed to ask. Her face blanched as he nodded.

"But, since this is another noble we're dealing with, we have to… deal with this as nobles do, so to say. Which means no needless bloodshed, except in the event the noble I speak of has been caught with alicorns in his employ," Blueblood began, once more catching the group's attention. "Which means we'll have to take the long road."

He turned to Ember again. "The noble said you were one of the members of his House. Is it true?" he asked. She shook her head.

"Never was a noble or a Knight. Nor will I ever be one, unless I manage to marry one of the two with an extreme tentacle fetish," Ember replied. "Which will probably be never."

Sapphire closed her eyes and sighed. "So… would you have any suggestions as to how we approach this, then?" she asked. "This isn't exactly a trot in the park."

Blueblood pursed his lips and contemplated for a few seconds. "Hrm…" He lifted a hoof and idly tapped his chin with it in an effort to get the gears to start turning. Within seconds his hoof dropped. "This is going to sound ludicrous, Sapphire, so bear with me…" At her nod, he cleared his throat and turned to Patient and Ember. "Tomorrow, you two will attend the Royal Court. Not as snackmaids or anything like that, mind you."

Patient and Ember blanched until their faces were white. "Th-then as what?" Ember asked, her voice but a strangled whisper.

"As Knights. You're friends with a noble heiress, so we could pass you two off as Knights," Blueblood began, smiling again. "Of course, half the Court is going to fuss incessantly over it more than likely, but they're not our concern. I'm expecting the one noble who procured those photos to return to Court absolutely livid."

Sapphire slowly turned to Patient and Ember, comprehension dawning. "You're… expecting the noble who…"

Blueblood nodded. "Yes. I'm expecting him to make a fool out of himself again. And what better way to do that than to have him and the very pony he wants in the same room?" he asked. He turned to Koto and added, "But, unfortunately, it would require the young heiress to come as well."

Koto tensed up and turned to Sapphire for a few seconds, before directing her gaze back to Blueblood. Her mouth opened, but no sound came out.

"Don't worry, we'll get your translator Knight as well. And you won't be required to speak before the rest of the nobles; just attendance is all that matters in your case. Understood?" Blueblood asked, garnering a very hesitant nod from Koto. "Good. Now… you three need to rest up. I'd suggest…" he paused to turn to Patient and Ember again, "sleeping in either the Knight barracks or in the manor itself."