Red and Black 2

The next morning, just as the sun came up, the Royal Court was filled with a one-pony banter. Blueblood explained his little plan to Luna and Celestia, who were still munching on breakfast as he more or less ranted and raved. The Surgeons and the Task Force, as well as Sapphire, were also accounted for, though they let Blueblood do all of the talking. Ember looked at the Task Force, frowning as she saw all of them sported bloodshot eyes with bags beneath them.

It took him several minutes to cease rambling, and another five so Celestia and Luna could finish eating. Luna was the first to speak, a wicked grin on her face, "So… you're betting on that Viscount making another fatal error in his judgement?" she asked.

Blueblood nodded. "Affirmative. We have little reason to do an investigation on him as it stands. I'm hoping he'll slip up, so to speak," he answered. With that, he trotted to one of the rows of seats at the side of the room. Reluctantly, the group behind him followed.

Trigger leaned over to Patient to whisper, "Why didn't you tell us Koto was a noble?"

"I'd only just learned that yesterday. I'm not exactly a mind-reader here," Patient snarked as they came to sit down next to Blueblood.

Trigger sighed as the doors to the Court opened and a flood of more nobles rushed in to claim seats. None of them, however, had ponies that seemed out of place; with the exception of a lilac-coated unicorn stallion that came in to sit next to Sapphire. The stallion nuzzled Koto affectionately, and Trigger asked, "You know her?"

"Hai," the stallion replied. He turned to Sapphire and pecked her on the cheek.

"This is my husband," Sapphire answered with a dainty giggle. "He's a dignitary of Neighpon."

Then it clicked into Trigger's head, and he nodded before turning to Distrance. "This feels more like a family reunion all of a sudden," he noted.

Distrance sighed. "You're telling me," he murmured.

Within minutes, the Royal Court was packed. The doors closed once a smug-looking Viscount Cyril trotted in, though Blueblood noticed he wasn't with his pale lackeys. "And there's our star," he mused, causing Patient to turn to him. "All alone this time. I wonder how he'll play his hoof today."

Ember turned to Cyril and scowled at him, though for the moment he trotted up to Luna and Celestia, as if he didn't notice her yet.

“So… have you thought on my proposal yet?” Cyril asked the princesses in an authoritarian, and very smug tone.

"We have, and the answer's still no," Celestia answered, shaking her head. "You're proposing something ludicrously impossible, even for us."

Cyril frowned. "Very well then. I rest my case," he grumbled. “Though I do have another offer on hoof, however, that I feel the two of you are much more able to accept.”

“Very well.” Luna rolled her eyes internally. “Let’s hear it.” That caused Ember's stomach to form knots again.

“I wish to lay purchase on the land, townships, and guilds of Blueblood. I have a spectacular offer for him in return."

Blueblood gaped. The Surgeons' jaws may as well have hit the floor. The Task Force jumped into standing positions, before Sapphire's horn glowed and nudged them back into a sitting stance. Luna and Celestia exchanged glances, both of them frowning. Then Luna turned back to Cyril. "Have you… considered how much Blueblood owns? The cost thereof?" she asked.

Cyril nodded, and a shit eating grin formed onto his face. "Yes, I have," he answered smugly, his horn glowing. In a flash of light several sheafs of paper appeared around him. "For instance… his ancestral home within Canterlot itself." One paper flew off one of the stacks and hovered before Celestia and Luna. "That, with its less liquid assets, costs… a few billion bits worth of gold and silver bonds, as well as numerous foreign bank accounts. I know of what he has."

“I only require his Canterlot holdings, however. He can keep everything else he has in foreign places. Just his chambers within the castle, his own private domicile near the gardens, and the Canterlot Blacksmith guild,” Cyril clarified. “And for that I would offer you all of my personal holdings of land and guilds… as well as a few hundred million bits to make up the difference in cost, and the deal sweeter.”

"What of the hit squads Blueblood pays?" a pony from the far back of the room piped up. The utterance made Blueblood blanch further.

"With the exception of the Special Task Force, the Castle Destroyers, and…" Cyril paused to shuffle the sheafs of papers before he added, "and the Valkyrie Brigade, I would be paying them with more… substantial amounts of bits. I'd treat them to a first-class experience only a Knight or Royal Consort would enjoy."

"But, I would also require the hit squads I claim from the deal, if we go through with it, to… act more nobly. Which means enforcing a few dress codes and such." Cyril's grin widened. "And that would include…" He shuffled the papers again, almost as if he were on a teapot-themed ride. Another sheet lifted up and hovered before Luna and Celestia. "Those four ponies on that parchment. Go on, princesses, read their names for me, please."

Celestia swallowed and began, "Patient Care… Distrance… Trigger, and… Writhing… Ember…"

The room hung in a palpable silence. Ember lurched, feeling as though she were going to puke. Patient, Distrance, and Trigger sat with widening eyes and mouths still agape. All four were wondering where Cyril got the sheafs of paper, but they didn't have time to wonder then. Luna's next utterance caused their pupils to shrink in unison.

"You'll have to speak with Blueblood in private about this matter. These are his lands and guilds you're contesting for," Luna stated, shaking her head solemnly.

"Oh, I promise to give him a talk in private," Cyril replied, still wearing that shit eating grin on his face. "But… that will be after Royal Court concludes. We have business to attend to, and it would be remiss of me to keep the… spotlight any longer." The sheafs of paper vanished in flashes of light, and he trotted to sit next to a noble at the far side of the room, right where the group couldn't see him.

But he couldn't see them from his new vantage point, either.

Blueblood swallowed heavily and turned to regard Koto. "It seems we have a change in plans…" he growled, garnering a nod of assent. Then his eyes went wide, as though an idea had instantly formed in his head. "So… since Asgard needs rebuilding…" he whispered.

Koto turned to him with a brow raised. Rekka also twisted to face Blueblood with more or less the same expression. "What are you harping on about?" he asked.

"I was thinking one of us should propose its refunding to rebuild it, specifically its planned tourist attraction," Blueblood answered, a smile budding on his muzzle. "You two saw how bad it was, right?" Rekka and Koto nodded, before their pupils shrunk at the implications. "Of course… we'll use the tourist funds to further help the destitute. How does that sound?" The two nodded again, and this time grinned in unison.

"Alright. Remember: etiquette, wordplay, posture, and attitude are your dearest companions. But you may need to hold your petitioning of the Asgard reformation off for a while. The cruelest nobles will watch you the moment you take the stage, so to speak, and they'll do all they can to boot you two out. Dispense with them first if they do so." The dual grins widened.

"Are you sure about this? We might be playing our hoof too early," Sapphire pointed out to little avail as Koto and Rekka bounced from their seats and trotted to stand in the center of the room.

"Trust me, I know what I am doing. And besides, your child is going to get into politics sooner or later," Blueblood replied, this time loud enough for the entire Court to hear him.

"If only we had popcorn," Ember muttered as one noble on the other side stood up before Koto could even open her mouth.

“Her? Into politics? She isn’t fit to advertise magic-cancelling rings, nevermind speaking Winglish or, Gods forbid, getting into politics,”the noble that stood scoffed, garnering a few chuckles from his advisors and family as well as causing most with sense to gasp. "For crying out loud, her horn is likely to remain non-functional for the rest of her life! She's not a proper unicorn!"

Koto leaned over to Rekka and whispered something to him. Then Rekka turned to the noble who made the proclamation and returned verbal fire, "And you aren't fit for politics, since everypony knows your mother got together with a pegasus! You aren't a proper unicorn, either!" The noble who stood gaped and sat down, face blanching as the nobles with sense tossed around a few chuckles here and there.

Blueblood nodded in approval, and turned to Patient and his group. "You four, just play along… he may insult you, or get somepony else mad enough to do it, but this is part of my Plan B. Rekka's just likely to… shake things up a bit," he warned in another whisper. His eyes fell to Patient specifically and he added, "You may yell back if you wish, since I’ve heard of your little spat with another nurse in the medical ward, but no hooves will fly unless you are making an accusatory gesture. Understood?"

Patient nodded as Rekka trotted to one of the nobles that sat near Celestia and Luna, looking him up and down. The noble he was eyeballing tensed up and spat, "You should cut that mane and tail; be more like a proper gentlecolt in appearance! Have you forgotten your social standing?”

Rekka shook his head grimly. "No, I haven't, and no, I won't cut my mane and tail. You forget one crucial thing about me," he muttered darkly.

"That being?" the noble hissed, eyes narrowing.

Rekka donned a small smile. "I'm under the employ of the Reedpipes family… and I've noticed you bear a family crest on your flank. The Heartfrogs, I assume?" he asked. When the noble nodded, his smile widened. "You've as much social standing as the Hydrapikes. Which means I outrank you." The noble hissed, but could not muster a response. "Good luck trying to climb the ladder; you'll need it."

The noble sputtered as he trotted away, only to witness Rekka fall under the gaze of another noble stallion who stood up farther back.

The noble then looked towards Sapphire. “Your daughter stands before us all, yet her mark—a distasteful boomerang—does not match her name. While I am not fluent in Neighponese, I know enough that she's named after an instrument. She has failed you, spectacularly, and us in the process. Why did you insist on bringing her here? Why didn't you disown her or marry her off?" he scoffed.

Sapphire almost burst every blood vessel in her entire body at his words. Her eyes narrowed coldly. Luna looked to the stallion and sighed. "And so it begins," she muttered, her voice still carrying across the entire room.

“Thus, I have a proclamation of my own: how about I take your wretch of a foal off of your hooves? I could turn her into a proper noble mare overnight," the standing noble stated. "I could even… expunge the influence of commoners from her." The nobles surrounding him gasped and immediately shuffled away from him, forming a funnel of open space that revealed to him that somepony else was glaring daggers at him. The glare itself didn't phase him; its owner, however, did as he coldly marched right up to him wordlessly.

The noble dropped to all fours to get down to Rekka's level. "And what do you have to say?" he scoffed, expecting an insult of some kind.

Rekka leaned in closed and flashed a shark's smile. "You haven't heard yet?" he asked, causing the noble to shake his head. "Koto and I are engaged. You have no luck of getting with her." He turned and trotted out of the funnel, garnering a giggle from Koto and a delayed gasp from the noble as the implications set in.

"T-to a commoner?!" the noble yelled as the crowd that parted from him moved to fill in the space between him and Rekka before he could even move one step forward.

"To a Knight," Rekka snarked in reply before he trotted down past another few nobles. Some applauded him, those he'd already scorned almost choked on the very air they were breathing, and Sapphire relaxed with a few deep breaths.

"At least he's honest," Blueblood chimed in a whisper.

"Engaged? Ooooh, I wonder who's gonna be attending that wedding…" Ember murmured, watching as Rekka cantered on until he vanished from her immediate sight. He right up to Cyril and gave him the stink-eye.

Cyril scoffed, "Whatever you want to say to me, make it quick. We haven't the time for petty insults."

"Oh, that's rich, coming from you," Rekka snarked, smiling once more. "Aren't you the poorest of nobles here in this Court?"

Cyril's face did not shift, save for a brow slowly climbing up his forehead. "Whatever do you mean by that, peasant?" he hissed.

“How are you going to accrue the needed bits to buy Blueblood's property?" Rekka retorted, his utterance causing a palpable silence to descend upon the room. All eyes turned to Cyril, awaiting an answer.

It didn't take long for Cyril to reply, "I already have the amount needed. Why do you ask?"

"Have you accounted for… I dunno, living conditions for the squads Blueblood has hired? What about his guilds? And have you considered that the squads and guilds, if they were under your employ suddenly, might quit and take their work elsewhere?" Rekka answered, his grin widening. "Unlike you, I've done my homework. Took me all night, too." His horn glowed, and several sheafs materialized around him; at least twice as many as the amount that Cyril had.

“Even if I paid them more?” Cyril asked, brow raising higher. It threatened to brush up against the base of his horn.

Rekka's grin merely widened. A piece of paper lifted from one of the massive sheafs and floated over to him. It had several words on it. Cyril looked closely at the parchment, realizing it was a sum of bits needed just to keep housing costs afloat. The number outweighed his original proposal of a few hundred million bits, and he blanched. Before he could make a retort, the papers vanished in golden flashes of light. "You see what I mean now, don't you?" Rekka asked.

"I'll… I'll find a way," Cyril mumbled, trembling slightly as Rekka turned around and cantered to the other side of the room.

"Good thing I had a contingency," Blueblood mused, smiling wickedly as another noble stood up.

"You had your servants do your homework, didn't you?" the standing noble hissed. "There is simply no way in Equestria you could have accrued that many sheets otherwise!"

Rekka turned to the noble and merely stared, letting him see the veins in his eyes and the bags beneath them. "What did you do last night, then?" he snorted. "Because it sounds like you didn't do anything important to me."

The noble blushed and sputtered, "Th-that's none of your business! At least I don’t get up to mindless bloodshed every night as I act like a proper noble!”

Rekka raised a brow and tilted his head. "Have you done anything to curb the red and black menace yet, or have you been loafing around in some mare's rump?" he shot back. "When's your next illegitimate foal due, and are you gonna pay a visit to the next mother-to-be?" All eyes turned to the standing noble, some with firm frowns accompanying them and others with smug grins.

"The… the mares I've been seeing haven't been able to conceive foals. It's their fault," the noble attempted, hoping that would get Rekka to stop staring at him incredulously. He blanched when Rekka didn't budge in the slightest.

"I've caught wind recently… that red and black alicorns have all gone sterile. Every single one of them. Were you seeing red and black alicorns?" Rekka hissed, the corners of his lips twitching as he spoke.

"Wh-where is your proof?" the noble snapped, eyes narrowing. "You're going off on pure conjecture, instead of logic and reason!"

"Well… you could still be investigated nonetheless. After all, my claim does carry heavy implications, and your reactions to them only add to the weight thereof," Rekka scoffed, a horrible glint in his eyes. The frowns aimed at the noble deepened, and their owners realized that Rekka, very tragically, had a solid point nonetheless.

“I’ll have you know that I’ve been paying as much as I can to my hired hitcolts to eradicate the alicorn menace! I have never once let any of those abominations anywhere near me or my family!" the noble spat.

Rekka blinked. "I heard from a little birdie that a stallion named Golden Gelding managed to trot in this room as I am doing now. Wouldn't that constitute as 'letting him near you,' in that case?" he retorted smugly.

“I swear to the Gods, I—” the noble was cut off when he noticed Trigger in the room, standing up to star at him a few good heads down.

The noble stopped talking and nodded to him before clearing his throat.

“And as for the rest of you lowley vermin, I shouldn’t’ve expected anything more out of Blueblood paying common filth for his mercenary work,” the noble started anew, and he turned to the rest of the Task Force, and the Surgeons behind them. Rekka only grinned, as if he knew what was about to come.

“You there. With the Shield cutie mark. Pony at arms?” he asked Distrance.

“Yes. I was injured and—” Distrance was cut off by the noble, who waved a hoof to silence him.

“A poor excuse to not get back to the front lines! You are weak; your drill sergeant should’ve toughened you up more, you coward!” the noble spat with disdain. "Why, I'll bet you ran home to your pitiful excuse of a mommy just to cope with the horrors of war!"

His eyes then turned to Tenmei. "And you! An earth pony! What are you doing here?" When Tenmei failed to answer, his face hardened. "Oh, a dumb earth pony, then? Why in the name of Equestria were you dragged here, again?" That time, Tenmei lifted a hoof and gestured to Koto with it, followed up by making a gesture that looked more like drawing a shield in the air. The noble then cracked up.

"A-a Knight?" the noble yelled, and he shot down to all fours to guffaw to his heart's content. "Y-you can't be serious!" he exclaimed.

His laughter stopped dead in its tracks as Rekka interjected, "Yes, he is serious."

“That is unbelievable!” the noble stopped laughing and returned to his angry posture, standing upright as his tone resonated throughout the room. “A dumb earth pony, a Knight?" He turned to Koto and added, "It seems the young Reedpipes heiress has lost her mind!"

Tenmei proceeded to snark in the noble's direction, "Nid wyf yn fud. Er mae'n ymddangos eich bod yn yr un wallgof.”

The noble's eyes widened, and his ears perked up. "Me? The crazy one? What kind of slander is that? You're just as mad as the stallion who's trotting around like he owns the place!" he yelled.

His eyes fell onto Ember and he added, "And how did that… thing get in here? Purge it with the rest of the red and black alicorns!" With the utterance, half of the gathered nobles turned to Ember and mutely stared, wondering who exactly allowed a tentacle monster to join today's Courtly session. But soon their attention was snagged by something else altogether.

The noble’s eyes then fell upon Patient. “And what do we have here, a nurse? Shouldn’t you be be changing somepony’s colostomy bag, or sitting in the crematory ward for dead bastard foals? Leave politics to the nobles! I bet you’re a part of a union, you damned communist!”

Patient got legitimately angry by the noble's words; he remembered Blueblood’s instructions, but still strutted on up to the noble. The crowd dispersed to let him pass, and only when they were face to face did he rear up on his back legs and point an accusing hoof at him. Luna conjured a box of popcorn and shared it with Rekka, Koto and Celestia; the Knight and heiress came up to sit next to them as she conjured the box. All four watched with anticipation for the upcoming fireworks display.

“Nopony calls me a goddamned communist, you piece of shit! I’ll have you know that we live in the Free Kingdom of Equestria, and I still have my right of free speech to call you out on your horseshit, you fuckin’ primped-out, money grubbing, globalist shill!" Patient snarled.

“I’m no petty globalist, you brainwashed peon! I bet you probably read the InfoBattles newspaper!” the globalist angrily defended himself.

“In fact, I do read InfoBattles! But that’s not the fuckin’ point! My point is that you can eat my fuckin’ tapeworms, and that your ass must be jealous of the fact that everypony around you in the Court here, at least the noble ones, are infinitely more successful than your shitty little clan of tryhards, you goddamned inbred cunt!” Several in the crowd gasped and a few laughed, and even Koto tossed her head back to give a very unlady-like cackle, complimented with a snort for good measure.

“Us nobles are purebred, you emissary of the dregs! As a noble, I have the authority to restrict your rights in any way I want to, if the princesses allow for it, so you should be more respectful to your betters,” the noble seethed. “Besides, I bet you don’t even do anything important in the hospital; I bet you’re just an EVS tech mopping the floors for eleven bits an hour, you high school dropout.”

“As somepony with a fuckin’ degree from a Fillydelphia community college, I’ll have you know that I work in a goddamn burn ward. I have to work with the most pain-receptive ponies in the entire facility, and I’ve been told many times that my work is exemplary by both my superiors, and my patients, you useless fuckin’ bureaucrat! I bet you cheat on your wife every night; one of my friends is more faithful than you, and he was parading five minutes ago!"

“I. Do. Not. Cheat. My wife simply cannot bear foals, so she asks me to bed other mares in an attempt to harbor an heir for our family! An heir that, if conceived, shall be reared far better than you, and even that damned Reedpipes heiress who can't speak Winglish like the rest of us!" the noble yelled.

“In modern Equestria, which I should remind you we're both currently standing in, you’re still technically cheating! And if your wife is allowing you to do this, then she’s a massive cuckquean and I have no respect for her.” Patient deadpanned. "Or maybe you're one of those kinds of stallions who enjoys taking it up the back door!”

“It is a sad, lowly soul that gets so angry over his superiors that he resorts to such horrid insults! Only those on the bottom rung of the social ladder could ever be this ridiculously irate over simply being told by somepony who is clearly better bred, educated, and refined that they need to know their place. I hope you understand that you will never attain what I have, and you will never know luxury and the noble’s lifestyle. Now go back home to your hovel, peasant, and do not return or else I will have my ponies escort you to the chopping block!”

Patient donned a sinister smirk in that moment. "Only if you agree…" He leaned in closer, almost to the point of rubbing snouts with the noble, "to ride my friend that you addressed as a thing."

“I will do no such thing, you vile city-scum!” The flabbergasted noble rose a hoof and struck Patient across the face, giving him a serious bruise.

Patient didn’t retaliate, but he grabbed his now-aching and blueing cheek. “Then I won’t fuckin’ leave then, you worthless, inflated piece of shit! If we weren’t in Canterlot right now, I’d force feed you your own fuckin’ guts, you—” At that point, Ember stood up and cantered over to the two, with no more than one tentacle flaring from her side to jut straight upwards while another shifted to fully cover her cutie mark. She seemed to be making to grab Patient, but once she crossed the distance, she did no such thing.

Instead she faced the noble and asked in as sultry a voice as she could manage, which caught Cyril's full attention in that moment, "What's a few rocks and tentacles to you if you know ways to tie a mare down~? I'd be one of the best mares you'd ever chosen."

Patient immediately stopped being angry and backed up, reverting to all fours in doing so, raising his eyebrows. He decided to let Ember take it from there, and cantered over to sit next to Blueblood again as a whole new spectacle unfolded in the Court the very moment his rear connected with the seat.

Cyril shot up and rushed to the middle of the room, his eyes wide and his mouth flailing about without producing sound. It took him a few seconds before he could manage something that was barely coherent.

“Y-y-you...Somnus Wisp!?” he began to speak, his tone turning into a furious one by the final word as everything finally registered with the impact of a freight train.

"Nope. Dunno who that is," Ember stated in a very convincing tone of innocence. She continued to stare at the still-upright noble, who blanched under her three-eyed gaze. "So what do you say, pal? We do the samba, and my friend leaves you alone?"

Cyril became visibly enraged, and red blossomed on his face to show it. “You do not have any ability to speak to me the same way your companion did to that petty bureaucrat!” he pointed a hoof at the noble who spat with Patient and found himself cornered by the tentacle monster. He heard some stifled laughter from Celestia and Luna, but ignored it for the moment. "Nor do you have the authority to come onto that same bureaucrat as you are now!"

Ember used four tentacles to form a very rude hand-shaped gesture that was directed at Cyril. "Dunno who you are, but I am busy. You can parade once I am done with this hot piece of flank right here," she replied, keeping her attention more focused on the now-sweating bureaucrat whose ears folded back. "So… deal or no deal?"

"Wh-what?" Cyril stammered, his pupils shrinking at Ember's brushing him off as if he were a complete stranger. She got just a teensy closer to the bureaucrat, whose eyes began averting as though searching for a way out of the hole he dug himself into. He took a few deep breaths to collect himself, even as the Royal Peanut Gallery and their two sideliners guffawed at his flabbergasted expression.

“What are you talking about!? I’m here to demand, no, command that you return what you have stolen from my House this instant!” Cyril couldn’t hold back his ange as he shouted. His eyes may as well have turned red in that moment.

"Only I can command me… unless I let a stallion ride for the night," Ember chirped, making the bureaucrat back away with her utterance. She still did not even look at Cyril, instead taking a step forward to counter the bureaucrat's retreat. That alone made Celestia sputter in an attempt to keep from choking on her popcorn.

“I have enough concubines to satiate that lust, you… you… I don’t even know what you are anymore." His eyes turned to Celestia. "Please help me!" he yelled in desperation, only to have color drain from his face as Celestia slowly shook her head.

"You dug the hole you're now in. You will sit in that hole," Celestia retorted with a big grin on her face.

Ember moved forward until she was within licking distance to the bureaucrat. She leaned over and whispered something to him so softly only he could hear it. Something that made his tail hike upward once and only once. When she pulled back with a shit eating grin on her face, the bureaucrat turned around and bolted for the doors. "Please don't tell my wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife!" he yelled in a high-pitched falsetto as he fled the room.

“I’m fuckin’ done,” Patient spoke loudly before trotting out of the crowd towards the door. He paused before he could pass Cyril, and turned to address him. "Just stop. Seriously. You won't get anything out of clinging to the past. Move on,” he warned in a chilling murmur that sent chills up Cyril's spine before continuing on his way to the door.

"Cling to the past? Whatever do you speak of? I'm doing no such thing," Cyril huffed, trying to maintain a tough facade. Patient trotted on unhindered, and the only sound he made other than hoofsteps was opening the door with his magic.

Luna eyed Cyril critically. She tilted her head quizzically. "Are you sure of that?" she asked slowly, making him jump with her query. When he turned to face her, she added, "Because it would seem you're still wanting a dead mare to pay some… rather suspect dues.”

Two guards filed into the room on some unspoken command, making Cyril turn around only to blanch as his legs threatened to buckle. "I-I won't pursue it anymore, I-I promise…" he stammered. The guards nodded to him, thankfully going no farther from the door than its frame.

"So, Celestia… me and Koto were thinking…" Rekka began, turning to Celestia with a grin on his face.

*********

Patient sat at a dimly lit bar within the confines of the castle, one with moon motifs on the ceiling and sun-shaped tables accompanied by star-shaped booths and stools. Surrounding him were several off-duty guards, which he easily noticed due to them having everything on their bodies except for their helmets. Some had dark purple armor, indicating they were in Luna's regiment. Patient sat at the bar itself, being poured a generous amount of shots from the Yakyani bartender, who was being tipped handsomely by the nurse.

Several hours passed before he turned to the door just as Ember walked into the bar and weaved her way to him. "Royal Court too much for you?" she asked as she got within five feet of him.

Patient snorted and took another shot of whiskey, his favorite drink. His mane was messy and his eyes were half shut.

“I had’tuh leave… ‘else your, uh, advances on that noble guy would’ve given me a boner,” he murmured before he took another shot. "That, and half the nobles’re dickbags.”

He heard another set of hooves encroaching and twisted around from the bar again to find Rekka cantering up to him. "I get ya. Before I went to join the fight against the menace, they were always giving me hell for having to translate for Koto. 'You should do this, she should date that pony,' and other such nonsense," he groaned. "The real asswads only let us go fight because we didn't live up to their high-and-mighty expectations, and trumped everypony else's objections. Celestia should give them a golden boot."

“You kids… you and Koto…” Patient paused to burp loudly. “You kids don’t need no grown ups to tell you who to date. Koto, she’s a sweetie; you should keep her around… got a big heart.” He gestured to his chest. “How old’re you kids anyways??”

Rekka nodded, and managed a grin. "About… political age. In laypony's terms, we're adults who are just a little young-looking," he answered. "Those nobles don't know shit about how serious the red and black menace is, let alone how badly they're fucking up the places that need genuine help. Hell, half the court tried kicking me out the very moment I mentioned Asgard's situation. 'Gryphons can rebuild it themselves,' they said."

“You should run for office, kid. Y—” Patient was interrupted by another one of his burps. “You should run for… President!! You’ll make a much better leader than those fuckin’... piles of tapeworms.”

Rekka chuckled, and his grin only widened. "You should have seen Yuuki and Nagare's faces when the asswards began bashing them for having claws and wings. I swear, they started using every colorful word in the Neighponese book and the nobles looked at them like they were speaking Horse Latin," he chirped. "I had to translate before they stopped, partly because I was still trying to pass a reform for Asgard, and partly because I was still laughing."

"No wonder they wanted you out. You and yours rile them up ten ways to Sunday, without even trying," Ember chimed in, smiling herself. Then her grin widened and she turned to Patient. "Maybe that was Blueblood's Plan B; he was fucking with the dickbags from the get-go. Boy, those asswad nobles must be reaaaally sore at this point; we both saw how Rekka popped their egos."

"I've researched the bastards too, and their egos are about the size of a gnat's dick. One of the many benefits of being a Knight and a translator," Rekka stated, still grinning. He turned to Patient. "Should we carry you or something, or can you trot on your own four legs?"

“I dunno.” Patient shrugged.

The last five shots Patient had left in front of him were gone in an instant as he chugged all five of them, leaving another generous tip for the bartender as in one drunken swoop, he payed his tab and hopped up on one of the tables.

“When I become President…” Patient shouted loudly, getting everypony’s attention like the drunk attention whore he was. “I’m gonna build a wall around Equestria, and make Yakyakistan pay for it!!” He was then silenced by a tentacle shooting up from Ember into his mouth, before another four tendrils wrapped around his fetlocks and hoisted him up with astonishing ease.

"Yep. You need to be carried. You had one too many shots," Ember grumbled, shaking her head. "Reminds me of me when I did this shit."

“Allahock Yakbar…” the bartender muttered to himself as Ember and Rekka set about dragging Patient's sorry ass out of the room.