Twice an Alien

Ch. 2 Bandages

“WHAT IN TARNATION!?” These were the first words I heard, that roused me from my slumber.

As these words we loudly shouted at me I did the first thing my half awake brain could come up with and yelled back, “WHAT, WUZZAT, WHO’S THERE!?” I violently jumped up from my hay bed and looked around wildly until my eyes beheld…. Something. “What…,” I plainly stated as I tried to comprehend what I was looking at. I wasn’t a party animal by natural nature but I’d had my fair share of drunken party nights and woken up in strange places. I can honestly say that what I was seeing pretty much topped my list of weird shit i’d woken up too. A light colored orange horse…. no pony was standing in front of me looking at me with what i’d classify as a extremely bewildered look. As confused as I was I still thankfully had enough wits about me after waking up to begin analyzing the situation. Thoughts of last night quickly played back in my mind and I slightly remembered seeing a mythical creature in a forest, running away, eating some tasty apples, and falling asleep in a barn.

Finally catching up to the present I didn’t have enough time to think further before the orange pony in front of me practically screamed, “WHAT THE HAY ARE YOU?!” I shifted my sight and focused on the pony. O….K…. well I’ll admit i’ve never woken up to a talking pony before.

“Shit did those fucks put something in my drink last night?” I said confusedly. Quickly analyzing the situation I realized that most likely that wasn’t what happened. The guys I’d been at the bar with last night I had known for a few years and even though I knew they enjoyed a good joke I know they wouldn’t take it as far as drugging me just for laughs. “Hmmmmmm maybe I’m still dreaming then?” I decided that a few reality checks we’re in order and took out my phone to start a few simple ones.

Unfortunately as I pulled my phone from my pocket the small pony looked at me with a panicked face and took a few tentative steps back. “I don’t know what the hay that fancy sleek device is but you keep away from me, ya here!?” The pony decided to move quickly and ducked behind one of the hay bails scrambling around madly. Thinking that the orange pony was scared and running away I decided to call out with some soothing sounds to try to calm it as I would any other beast. But before I could do open my mouth, a thought stopped me. Wait….. This pony quickly reacted to my presence with words so I know it can at least talk, which implies sentience. I thought harder, which considering I was still hunger over, was hard for me in my present condition. It also quickly reacted to the unknown element of my phone and attempted to move away from danger by hiding behind a defensive position. Maybe I was giving this vibrantly colored pony too much credit but I realized that I might be dealing with a sapient creature. I decided that it would be best to try to communicate with this pony and see if just maybe it could understand me and prove it’s sapience through conversational reasoning.

Sadly I never got a chance to test this pony as I had mistook its previous actions. While I believed it to be retreating and attempting to hide it had in fact been scrummaging behind the far hay bale for what it currently held in its hooves. Ignoring the fact that the pony was impossibly holding something in it’s hooves without fingers I recognized the pointed ends of the pitchfork it now aggressively held in its hands. While a part of me recognized that a pitchfork could do a lot of damage to me if It was thrust fast enough another part of me internally cooed at the cuteness of the scene. This pony was about 3 and a half feet tall, was angrily shivering on its hooves, and had wide eyes the size of saucers staring up at me. This pony was begging to be cuddled. Right as I was about to let my inner cuddle demon take over I realized that walking towards the frightened and armed pony was probably not a good choice at the moment. I decided to continue my original plan and attempt to at least communicate with the pony.

“Woah! Hold on there! I don’t mean any harm,” I said while holding up my hands defensively in front of me. This response to the ponies actions seemed to stop it for a second. It blinked and began scrutinizing me with narrowed eyes.

“I don’t know what the hay you are but the facts stand as such. I found you napping in my barn sleeping in my secret napping spot no less. This not only means you snuck on too my farm but also broke into my barn and th-,” The pony narrowed its eyes even further, took a quick few steps closer to me, and took a few tentative sniffs. The orange ponies eyes opening up in anger as a tacked on, “AND STOLE SOME OF MY APPLES! Why you’re nothing but some out of town THIEF! I have half a mind to-” the pony stopped mid sentence as its eyes stopped narrowing and widened in disbelief, as it looked over me.

I decided to look down to see what caught its attention. Blood…… shit. Apparently in my attempt to avoid the deadly man eating beast from last night I had gained a few more injuries than I remembered. I didn’t just have scratches but also a few deeper cuts from what I’m assuming where trees and bushes that snagged me as I ran to close to them last night. I suppose being drunk and frantically running through an untamed forest will do that too you. Rather unfortunately while from my close perspective I saw and remembered my frantic escape last night, I also realized that from a distance my multiple bloods splotches might look like they had a nefarious reason behind them.

Slowly raising my head I looked back at the pony who now had a somewhat murderous look on it’s face. It quietly said, “So, not only did you break onto mah farm, steal mah apples, and sleep in mah nappin’ bed,” It said raising its volume all the while, “BUT YA ALSO LOOKED LIKE YA KILLED A FEW PONIES ON THE WAY IN!” From the ponies perspective I can definitely see how this would look bad considering how flustered it must have been when it stumbled upon me. They not only found a creature they had never seen before, but also a thief that looked as if they’d murdered someone on their break in trip. So it was no surprise to me when the ponies pitchfork came rocketing towards my face after it’s last aggressive proclamation. Thankfully as lost as I was, my instincts still seemed to kick in. I ducked and rolled to the left to dodge the ponies attack. After I finished my roll I fluidly stood back up and suddenly remembered that I was extremely hung over. My lack of balance cost me my footing and caused me to fall left again over the edge of the second floor.

“SHIIIIIIIIIT!” I loudly yelled as I fell over the edge. Luck seemed to favor me, as I happened to land on top of another hay bale downstairs. This turn of events seem to surprise a cow that had slowly been eating said hay bail that I landed on. It gave an indignant “MOOO!” and decided to continue it’s breakfast. As I didn’t have enough time to contemplate how I had walked past a cow and not heard it last night I quickly jumped up and ran for the barn doors.

“HOLD ON THERE YA VARMINT!” Not paying any attention to the angry pony I decided to rip open the doors and dash out. Right as I was about to sprint away I thought better and turned around. Seeing the pony rapidly making its way down the second floors ladder I decided to act fast. Slamming the doors shut I looked around quickly and saw a length of rope lying to my right.

“Yes” I yelled. Quick as could be I grabbed the rope and began to tie it around the large metal handles protruding from the barn doors. Right as I was finishing up my knot I felt something begin tugging on the other side of the door trying to pull the doors apart.

“OH NO YOU DON’T!” the pony yelled from the other side. Considering that I looped this knot three times I just grinned, turned away and started to jog in the opposite direction. Luck, it seemed this time, did not favor me. With an audible snap I heard the barn doors crack.

“WHAT…..” I disbelievingly said as I looked over my shoulders. While i’m not an expert on barns I know that their doors are heavily reinforced to keep out stray animals and other threats. So you can understand that when I saw the left barn door with a massive crack through it’s middle I panicked slightly. Anything with that level of power could easily snap my spine in half. At least as I am right now. Another crack from the barn door drew me back into the present as I realized the crack was now big enough that it was physically bowing the door outwards. “OH SHIT!” I yelled. Decided that the time for thinking was over I quickly added an extra burst of speed to my retreat and heading directly into the apple orchards, hoping to lose the mad pony in the fields.

Ignoring the honestly impressive varieties of apples in this orchard I kept frantically running and, ignoring my relative position to the barn, just keep going. After running full speed for about minute I noticed what appeared to be a reddish figure kicking a tree. Slowing to a jog I hesitantly moved a little closer to see what it was. It appeared to be another pony, albeit larger than the other, it still stood only 4 feet at max. I slowed down even further and stopped behind a tree to see the pony violently kick an apple tree's base. “Holy shit….,” I whispered. I watched the apples fall from the tree down into the strategically placed wooden tubs below it. While i’m definitely not a physics expert I know enough to understand that what that pony did should not be possible. To kick a tree, at its base, hard enough to send vibrations capable of knocking apples of its branches requires an insane amount of force. I better not fuck with that pony…..

Using this newfound knowledge I started to slowly slink away in a horizontal direction from the herculean strengthened pony. After getting a few feet away, much to my displeasure, I heard a rapidly approaching set of hoofsteps. Sighing I turned to see if my pursuer was who I believed it to be. Annoyingly I realized that the creator of these sounds was none other than the bright orange pony who was rapidly approaching my current location. Deciding that staying between these two unbelievably strong ponies was a bad idea, I readied myself to start running flat out again.

“BIG MAC,” the chasing pony called out, “DON’T LET THAT WEIRD APPLE THIEF GET PAST YOU!” I glanced towards the red pony that had been bucking a tree not just a few seconds ago. I quickly saw confusion and then determination cross across the red ponies face as it saw me. It darted forward from it’s position next to the tree and jumped in front of my location while the orange pony skidded to a halt behind me.

“Ahh don’t mean ya no harm, whatever you are. But if Applejack says yer a thief then I gotta stop ya.” the red pony determinately said. I turned behind me to see if I could perhaps just run past the orange pony.

“Shit,” I said, “not going to be getting out that way. The orange pony had taken up a defensive stance and looked ready to stop any backtracking I decided to try. Realizing that I wasn’t going to get away from this scenario easily I decided that maybe I should try to talk to these ponies again. However I briefly saw the image of the orange pony violently thrusting a pitchfork at me, followed closely by another of the bar door starting to snap in half, lastly followed by a pony bucking a tree of its apples.

I hardened my stance and realized that even if I wanted to resolve this position peacefully the smart thing to do would be to run, get in a defensible position, and force the ponies into a peaceful talking scenario. I usually like to solve problems with my words but at this point self preservation takes precedence. If I was wrong about these ponies being friendly then that could be a deadly mistake with the strength they both possessed. With this newly discerned knowledge in mind I outwardly sighed and slowly released any tension in my muscles. The orange pony seeing this as a sign of weakness decided to slowly edge their way forward towards me. Focusing I mentally looked inward towards my body's center and found my core. Reacting quickly I forced a small portion of my cores energy into my legs and stood straight. Turning my vision away from the orange pony I looked at the other red pony again as I crouched. Fast a lightning I dashed towards the red pony. Its face contorted to show a large amount of shock at the sudden turn of events. Before it could react I hastily vaulted it’s frame, which considering it was standing at around 4 feet wasn’t truly that difficult. After landing I started dashing away from the two confused ponies as fast as I could.

After a good 2 minutes of running I figured I had pretty much left the ponies in my dust. Much to my surprise, right as this thought crossed my mind, I began to hear the sound of hooves behind me. Glancing over my shoulder I couldn’t believe it as I saw the two ponies quickly gaining on me. Damn these ponies are way faster than I gave them credit for. Realizing my mistake I quickly forced a bit more energy from my core into my legs and kicked my running into overdrive. After a few seconds I glanced over my shoulder expecting to see the ponies now far behind. Again I was surprised as I saw them frantically running and still keeping up with me. “OH COME ON!” I yelled back, starting to get annoyed.

“YA’LL *PUFF* AIN’T GONNA STEAL FROM MY FARM *PANT* AND GET AWAY WITH IT,” yelled the orange pony.

I noticed that even though the ponies were keeping up with me I could see their bodies starting to sweat and their breaths becoming a bit more desperate. Feeling pretty bad about scaring them and stealing some of their produce I decided that I needed to end this now. I didn’t want to also tire them out before a days work. Upkeeping a farm was pretty brutal work. I could just apologize later after I got away and let them calm down before approaching them again. Forcing a much larger amount of my cores energy into my legs I literally kicked up dust as I violently tore away from the two ponies through the trees.

Perspective: AppleJack

Even with what I had just yelled at the escaping biped I realized that I couldn’t keep up this pace for much longer. However that train of thought was yanked from my mind as the creature suddenly kicked his running into overdrive and sprinted away and an insane speed. I came skidding to a halt as did Big Mac. I watched as the biped quickly started to shrink smaller and smaller in my field of vision. After catching my breath I turned to Big Mac and said, “I don’t I’ve ever seen a feller go that quick before! That thing took off quicker than a pony with an ursa major hot on it’s hooves!”

Big Mac watched the biped disappear from his vision and simply said, “Eeeyup.” Now that I had a second to think about the whole situation I realized that it might have gotten out of hoof and that I probably overreacted to seeing the strange creature in my barn. “Throwin’ a pitchfork at the poor fella might have been a tad much,” I sadly realized. I then remembered that the creature had been covered in blood. I turned to Big Mac, “We need ta warn tha others that there might be a dangerous creature on the loose. At the very least we need to catch him and try to talk to it. I’m pretty sure I heard it say something once or twice.”

Big Mac once again simple said, “Eeeyup. I’ll head in ta town and get the mayor to put out a general alert.” He then trotted off down the way we had come, back towards town. I figured that I needed to get all my friends together and the first stop should probably be twilight. She could warn the others real quick with her magic. I looked back at the last spot I had seen the creature disappear and sighed. Turning my head back I steeled my resolve and trotted towards Twilights house.

Perspective: Tired Running Human

After finally hitting the edge of the orchard I halted my frantic running and slowed into a walk. Stopping for a second to catch my breath I went and sat down beneath what appeared to be one of the sickly looking apple trees I slightly recalled seeing last night. I looked over towards the way I had come just to make sure the ponies weren’t still trying to follow me. I sighed and fell back onto the tree I was currently resting on when I realized my escape path was clear. Looking up at the tree again I noticed one of the dark grey apples was close enough to my hand to that I could actually reach it. As I pretty curious about these new apples, and I wasn’t going to eat it, I figured if I pulled it of the tree no one would know or be hurt by this. So reaching up I picked it off its stem, brought it down to eye level, and began analyzing it.

I was correct in my first assumption that it was a very dark grey. The apple itself however did not look as sickly as I had believed it to be before. In fact it’s external skin seemed to have a vibrant sheen going across it. The best way I could describe it was as if a normal apple tree had all the colors from its apples mostly drained away. Giving it a deep sniff I recognized the faint scent of a normal apple, just more muted. I figured if the ponies had left these dark looking apple trees on their farm then it probably wasn’t dangerous to eat. As I was an apple connoisseur I couldn’t help but really want to take a small bite, if not just to see what it tasted like. I know I said I wouldn’t but my curiosity was outweighing my desire to not eat this apple.

Hesitantly I brought the apples to my teeth and took a small bite. As soon as the juices hit my tongue I jumped up and spat the apples and it’s juices out. “Ptui! Who in the hell would want to eat and apple like that!?” The apple I had just spit out was, without a doubt, the most sour thing I had ever eaten. “bleh” I gagged out. My mouth tasted like I’d just tried to swallow a gulp of vinegar. Throwing the offending apple away from me I decided that since the shock of the acidic apple had already roused me from my relaxing spot I might as well get moving. I wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted to do though. I know that I wanted to somehow apologize to the ponies and see if they were in fact sapient as I believed. Although at this point I was pretty sure they were. I tried to think about how I could make myself seem like less of a threat so they wouldn’t do anything like at our last meeting. I then remembered that what had really set the orange pony off had been the blood on my body and clothes. An image of a small creek passing under the cottage I had seen last night flashed across my mind. “Of course!” I happily exclaimed. “I can just wash of my clothes and body there”. Giving myself a quick sniff, I grimaced. “And it would appear all this running around and sweating has given me quite the foul odor.”

With all these factors in mind I decided to find the path at the edge of the orchard I had seen last night. I was hoping I could just go back down the path and find the cottage as I had before. Walking a short distance down the orchard edge I saw the path and got back on it. Pleased that a solid plan was starting to come together I began walking down the path away from the apple orchard. Now that I wasn’t drunk and in the dark like last night I started to check out the surrounding area of this path as I walked towards my destination. I was pleasantly surprised to take in a picturesque vibrant landscape. Short bright green grass swayed in the wind, trees had birds happily hopping around their branches, and the sun was fully in the sky but not overwhelmingly bearing down on me. If I wasn’t so determined to get myself clean I would have loved to just lay down, close my eyes, and listen to the sounds of this peaceful landscape. Sadly even as the thought crossed my mind I remembered all the trouble I had caused the orchard ponies.

Wait a moment. I stopped and thought back to when I was running away from the orange pony. I saw what I believed to be vegetables in the distance near the barn and I know I saw a cow in the barn earlier. Realizing my mistake I recognized that even though the orchard had a lot of apples that the whole place was in fact a farm instead. Shrugging at this realization I looked up and recognized that cottage and creek I had seen last night. As I got closer I couldn’t help but admire the earthly feeling this cottage was putting forth. The creek going under the adorably tiny bridge and the multiple bird houses set the mood but what really did it was the veritable smorgasbord of greenery covering the cottage. As I wasn’t an expert on plants I couldn’t identify what each of them was but I could at least appreciate the look they gave the cute home.

Shaking these thoughts from my head I remembered why I was here and started to quietly head towards the creek being careful to listen for any wierd noises. I remembered seeing a bear last night and that wasn’t something i wanted to tangle with if it was still around. Thankfully as I was getting closer I noticed that the spot the bear had been sleeping at last night was unoccupied. Cheering at my good luck I picked up my pace and got to the edge of the creek. Pulling off my shirt I tried to assess the damage to it and my body. I had a good number more deep cuts than I remembered last night. “Guess that’s what I get for running through a forest at night. Granted I didn’t have an option with that demon hot on my heels.” Looking to my shirt I realized that the darn thing was pretty much useless as an article of clothing now. “Looks like someone put this thing through a shredder”. Sighing I said, “At least I can get this blood and odor off my body now.” I then dropped my body into the creek, dunked myself under, and reemerged.

Hearing the sound of me drop into the creek seemed to ruffle some of the birds from their homes and brought a adorable looking white bunny to the edge of creek above me. I saw the bunny and stayed still trying not to scare it. “Hey there little guy. Sorry to disturb you but I needed a quick dip in this creek. I’m quite filthy after all.” Much to my surprise the bunny seemed to nod it’s head and hopped back to the cottage. “Did that bunny just understand me… Well considering I just saw talking ponies earlier in the day I guess it’s not impossible.” Shaking my head at the insanity of the situation I dunked myself and quickly gave my body a scrub with my hands. The blood on my stomach was proving to be difficult to get off though. I laid my body face down in the water and began furiously scrubbing my stomach with my hands. Right as I got to a point in which I believed I’d removed all of the blood I felt something grab my arm and yank hard.

“Please don’t be dead!” I heard. I looked at the source of the voice and found myself staring at a light yellow pony with a flowing pink mane. The poor pony looked positively terrified as it looked at me. I looked down at myself and checked to make sure I had gotten all of the blood off my front. I looked clean minus a few of the cuts that had re-opened and let some small dribbles of blood come out. “Oh you poor thing! Look at all those cuts. Please let me bandage you up,” the pony quietly said. Well at least that reaction was better than the last pony that saw blood on me. I looked past the pony's mane and saw what looked like wings on it back. What the hell. Wings on a pony? First I see a manticore in a forest and now a I see a tiny talking pegasus.

“What the hell is with all this legends come to life bullshit,” I whispered to myself. Even though i didn’t mean the pony to hear me apparently it did and suprisedly said, “Oh my. I didn’t realize you could talk. I thought you were a hurt animal.” I stood up with my shirt in hand and tried to ring the water out of it. I gripped both ends pretty hard and started to attempt to return it to a semi dry state. This was apparently the wrong thing to do as the creature shrunk down and started to back away from me. “Oh m-my. You’re really t-t-tall,” it fearfully said. Recognizing that this pony was a lot more scared of me than the last one I had seen I stopped my actions slowly and got back down on my knees. I put my shirt down and gently laid my hands on my knees.

“Please don’t be frightened. I mean you no harm. I simply needed to use your creek to wash off.” I said as soothingly as possible. The yellow pony seemed to hesitate between coming over to me and slinking back into it’s cottage.

Eventually it took a tentative step forward, “Y-you promise you won’t h-h-hurt me?” it hopefully asked. I gave the pony my best winning smile.

“I promise I won’t hurt you. As I said before I mean no harm. I simply wish to talk to you.” The pony seemed to finally trust my words and got close enough that I could touch it, not that I did. It studied my front end and made it’s way around to my back I assume to check it for any damage.

After coming back around front it said, “Please wait here. I mean i-if you want….”. It looked at me hopefully again.

“I promise i’ll stay here only if you tell me your name” I responded with another smile.

“I’m Fluttershy,” it quietly said back.

“Nice to meet you Fluttershy. My name is Cicero.”

The newly christened Fluttershy smiled at me and said, “Nice to meet you too Cicero. I’ll be right back.” Fluttershy then turned around and walked back into the cottage. As Fluttershy walked away I noticed the lack of male genitalia behind it’s swishing tail. Recognizing that based on it’s timid personality and quiet voice it made sense that she was a girl. Or wait I supposed it would be mare? Either way once she ducked back into the cottage I slowly stood up and walked over to her cute little bridge. I sat down and looked over her creek as I admired the obviously handmade bird houses that adorned almost all of the trees around here. I then stopped and thought that if she made them if would be hoovemade. Shaking my head at the incredulous though I decided that I needed to clear my mind for a second as all of these insane events in a row we’re taking their toll on my mind.

I crossed my legs, put my hands on my knees, and took some deep breathes. I thought about all I had seen since this morning and tried to recall last night just to make sure I hadn’t forgotten anything. I didn’t get very far into my short meditation session before I heard the clopping of hooves coming from the direction of the cottage. I turned and saw Fluttershy with a bag draped over her back bearing the universal red cross insignia denoting something medical. Assuming it was a medkit bag of sorts I turned my sitting body towards Fluttershy and straightened my torso. As she reached me she dropped the bag, rummaged through it with her mouth, and quickly pulled out a roll of gauze.

“This gauze has already been treated with a medical salved. I-if you don’t mind can I please put it on you.” she hesitantly said.

“Fluttershy you don’t have to be scared around me. I promise I mean no harm. Also yes, I would be happy to have you bandage me. Thank you.” Fluttershy seemed to relax at my words, and putting the roll into her hooves began walking around me as she rolled my torso in the treated gauze. After she had walked around my body a few times she stopped and tied a small knot on the front of my chest to get the bandage to stay on.

Smiling at her work she looked up at me and said, “All done!”. However she then frowned as she beheld my face.

Thinking that something might have been on my face I worriedly said “Is something wrong Fluttershy?” She looked down and seemed to mull over what she wanted to say.

“I-i-is there something wrong with your eyes? You haven’t opened them once since I’ve seen you. Did something happen when you got these injuries? N-not that you have to tell me if you don’t want to!” Ah this old question. With all that had been happening to me recently I kinda forget to mentally prepare myself for this. It was generally the first thing people asked me. Followed shortly by, ‘OMG ARE YOU DAREDEVIL!’ God how I dreaded these inevitable questions. Always the same fucking joke followed my response.

“No miss Fluttershy, I promise you my eyes are quite alright. My vision has not been damaged”.

“H-how can you see me then? You seem to react directly to where I am without me making any noise.” she confusedly said.

“Well let’s just say I have an eye condition. This condition means that I have to keep my eyes closed at pretty much all times. Needless to say I can in fact see you quick clearly. Most likely in the same way you see me right now.” I hope she heard the hesitancy of in my voice about discussing this subject.

“Oh, alright then. I don’t really understand but i’m not able to use any magic so I guess it makes sense that I don’t understand some things”.

Trying to process her response about using magic I was rudely interrupted and violently jarred out of my thought process by a loud, “FLUTTERSHY WATCH OUT!”

I had just a moment to turn and look at who had just yelled at me. Reacting quickly I fell back from my seated position and a rainbow blur flew straight past me. Jumping up from my seated position I watched the very colorful new pegasus as it banked hard and started to fly back towards me. As the pegasus flew past me I recognized that it also was a mare but as it had just attempted to take my head off I treated it as nothing more than a threat. I widened my stance and prepared to grapple the incoming threat.

“RAINBOW DASH STOP!” Fluttershy screamed. This seemed to halt the colorful rainbow equine mid flight.

“Fluttershy didn’t you get twilight's scroll about a dangerous biped walking around ponyville!? It’s gotta be him!”

Fluttershy trotted in front of me and said, “I’ve been treating his injuries for a little while now and he hasn’t so much as sneezed aggressively at me. I don’t know who you’re looking for but it’s not him!”

“Miss Rainbow Dash,” I said directly addressing her, “I mean you or Miss Fluttershy no harm. I’m simply a confused man trying to get his bearings in an unknown location.” Rainbow Dash held an hesitant look on her face and she looked me up and down.

“Well I guess you don’t seem to be that dangerous right now. Either way twilight will know what to do with you.” Processing her response I wondered who this Twilight was. I thankfully didn’t have to wait long for an answer as I heard a bunch of loud hoofsteps getting louder behind me. I looked away from the cottage and beheld a group of colorful ponies making their way quickly towards our location.

I saw fluttershy turn around and yell out, “T-Twilight?” She then looked behind the rapidly approaching purple pony in the lead and tacked on, “AppleJack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie. What are you all doing here?” I saw the orange farmer pony from before and got into a crouching stance. I realized she had probably cooled down from earlier but it’s always better to be safe than sorry. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy flew from beside me to go and meet the rapidly approaching group of ponies. As they all got close to the bridge they slowed down to a walk and then a full stop when they got close enough to talk.

“There’s that apple thief from earlier!” yelled the orange pony that I now realized was AppleJack.

“Apple th-thief! Oh m-my.” said Fluttershy.

“AppleJack are you sure it’s the biped you mentioned earlier?” asked the purple pony in front.

“Darn tootin’! I ain’t like we got that many strange lookin’ creatures wandering randomly around Ponyville!”

Deciding that I needed to do something I spoke up, “Um pardon me but I heartily apologize for eating any of your apples earlier. I was rather drunk last night and took a few of your apples on a whim. While we’re on the subject those Kiku apples of yours are simply amazing. Truly the best apples I have ever had the pleasure to devour.” Applejack had a look of surprise cross her face, followed quickly by a blush.

She took the stetson adorning her head off and whilst slightly covering her face said, “Well thanks partner. The Apple family prides themselves on our delicious apples.” However she then realized her moment of weakness and a bit more aggressively said, “But tha’ tastiness of ma apples ain’t why we’re gathered here”.

Reacting before they could say anything I spoke up, “Yes I imagine you’re here mostly about the blood I was covered in earlier.” The purple pony spoke up and said, “Yes AppleJack came frantically running into my library declaring that a suspicious creature was wandering around her farm covered in blood.” Well at least they haven’t jumped the gun and incorrectly accused me of anything yet. I decided to directly answer the purples ponies implied question.

“Yes that was me running off of miss AppleJacks farm earlier.” I turned towards the orange pony again and said, “I truly apologize for frightening you, stealing some of your delicious apples, and usurping your napping’ spot miss AppleJack. That hay bed you created was amazingly comfortable for something made of such simple material,” I added trying to butter her up.

The purple pony seemed to want to respond to this but the white pony beat her saying, “Ohohoho AppleJack! Taking naps in between work I see!” The orange pony seemed to blush at this comment. “Darling I keep telling you that you need to take more breaks. Really you should come to the spa with Fluttershy and I one of these days. The massages there do wonders for relaxation!”

“Dagnabit Rarity, how many times do I have to tell you no. I appreciate the sentiment of wanting to help me relax but I can handle ma job! The Apple family has been maintaining that farm for generations without the help of any fancy spas or massages.”

The white pony, apparently named Rarity, only smirked and said, “As you wish. I know you’ll crack eventually. I can get you a half off deal as a new customer! You only have to ask when you’re ready to experience a new level of relaxation and beauty!”

AppleJack seemed like she wanted to respond to this last comment but the purple one beat her to it by frowning and saying, “Girls this really isn’t the time for such a discussion.” Turning her gaze towards me she said, “Hello there undiscovered creature! My name is Twilight Sparkle and I would love to get to know you! I’d also love to study you if you have the time!” she semi creepily tacked on.

“Ummmm…. Well hello back Twilight Sparkle. My name is Cicero and while I wouldn’t mind getting to know you i’ll admit i’m a bit hesitant to be studied…..”

Twilight Sparkle seemed to realize her mistake and giggled saying, “he he sorry! I get a bit excited at the chance to learn something new.” Seeming to remember something she also added, “But before that can I ask what was all that about you being covered in blood? Applejack mentioned you were covered in blood when she came to me earlier.”

“Ahhhh. Yeah sorry about that.” I again turned towards AppleJack, “I didn’t mean to scare you with the blood covering me earlier.” I then turned back to Twilight and ashamedly said “That blood was actually mine. It came from some wounds I drunkenly obtained when I was attacked by an animal last night.” The ponies all seemed to gasp at that, but before they could say anything Fluttershy flew back to me and frantically fluttered around me looking for any more injuries.

“Oh you poor thing! I didn’t realize you had been attacked! I’ll make sure I have a good long talk with whatever animal attacked you last night! Are you ok? You don’t have any other injures do you?” she said looking up to me with her big caring saucer sized eyes. I couldn’t handle it anymore. These ponies were ADORABLE. I was already one step away from grabbing them all and pulling them into one large fuzzy group hug but Fluttershy's cute level of concern was the last straw.

“Awwwwwww! My god you’re so adorable,” I practically cooed. I reached out and grasped Fluttershy pulling her into a cuddly hug while rubbing my face happily against hers.

Rainbow Dash, it seems, wasn’t having any of this as she jumped up and yelled, “Fluttershy are you ok!” However the currently cuddled Fluttershy didn’t seem to be able to respond as she was frozen in surprise. Realizing my mistake I released Fluttershy and let her fall into my lap.

“Oh shit! I’m sorry Fluttershy! You just seemed so cute while you were flustered and I wanted to give you a hug to let you know i’m ok!”

Once released she seemed to recover from my previous cuddle attack and blushed while saying “I-i-i-it’s ok. I-i Just didn’t expect it. It actually felt pretty nice.” She blushed heavily while admitting that but still continued with, “I’ve never felt claws like yours before.”

Before I could respond to the fact that she had said claws Twilight chimed in “Yes I’ve definitely never seen appendages like that before either. Would you mind coming with us to my home so we could ask you a few more questions?”

Thinking about how nice and friendly the ponies had been so far, at least while not panicking, I answered, “Of course. I don’t see any reason why not.”

“YES!” Twilight yelled. “Alright everypony, hold on. I’m going to teleport us to the library now.”

I shook my head in confusion. “Wait did you just say tele- *Crack* port……” I stopped in surprise and looked around. The creek surrounded cottage was gone and instead was replaced by what appeared to be a decent sized library. Holy shit.