Mark and Dillon Survive Equestria

“COME ON GUMMY! YOU CAN DO IT!”

Starting today on a random note, I awake to find Dillon in my room kneeling in front of my dresser by my bed. On my dresser was a small baby alligator that Dillon was watching intently.

“Dillon, what the fuck are you doing in my room?” I take notice of the alligator, “Is that Gummy? Won’t Pinkie Pie flip out when she finds out you took him?”

“I didn’t take him Mark, she knows he’s with me. I’m teaching Gummy how to fly,” Dillon looked back at me with a toothy grin, like a small child who had just got what he wanted for his birthday.

“Dillon,” I begin as I get out of bed and rub my eyes, “He doesn’t have any wings and you don’t even know how to fly for that matter, so how do you expect—?” I was cutoff by the sight before me as I stopped rubbing my eyes, floating in front of my face with no strings attached or magical aura was Gummy; he locked eyes with me and it almost felt as though he was staring into my very soul. I was left in a state of awe at the sight. He was almost as beautiful as a Space Duck. What a majestic creature.

“SEE!? I told you I could teach him to fly.” Dillon scooped up the alligator and made his way to my bedroom door. “Now if you’ll exsqueeze me, I’m going to teach Tank how to rap.”

And just like that, Dillon was gone along with Gummy, and my usual day of spontaneous events which made absolutely no sense began. Just like my everyday schedule I made my way to my shower, laughing to myself at the thought of Dillon trying to teach Rainbow’s poor tortoise how to rap. All the while I still couldn’t get one thought out of my head; how the fuck was that alligator flying!?

“Everyday it’s the same thing, you act all high and mighty and think that what you do is alright.” I clenched my teeth and balled my fists, “I won’t let you do whatever you want! Today is the day your tyranny comes to an end, todays the day I claim victory.” My eyes narrowed as I furrowed a brow, “IT’S NO USE! TAKE THI—” Just as the moment of truth came, three knocks at my door turned my attention away from my enemy; in doing so, the toast popped out of my toaster and rested there. Damn. I really thought I had it today. Guess I’ll have to catch the toast another time.

Mad that my toaster had one upped me again, I stomped my way to the door to open it and reveal a familiar pegasus waiting on my doorstep; however, she’s not alone.

“Damn it Fluttershy, why don’t you ever bother Dillon with your fetish guesses?”

“Because he’s not the one I lov—”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” I say interrupting her just as she had did with my toaster moments before. I give a glance at Trixie who seemed to have a smug grin on her face, “She drag you into this?”

“Of course not, Trixie came voluntarily of her own accord.”

“Right, right. So, what is your guess today? A threesome?”

“Oh….goodness no,” Fluttershy blushed slightly and stared at the ground at my mention of this. “I—I mean, unless you want to.” Her gaze returned to me as a smile grew on her face, “Are threesomes your fetish Mark?”

“Trixie wouldn’t mind partaking in such an act,” the unicorn said as she looked in my direction with lidded eyes and a sultry stare.

“Oh fuck no,” I go to shut the door but one of Fluttershy’s hooves catches it before it closes.

“Wait! That guess didn’t count.”

“Then get on with it already,” I sigh, “I still have toast that needs eating.” I glance back at my toaster from the doorway, “I will make you suffer for your crimes.”

Fluttershy gave Trixie a nod, after which the unicorn’s horn hummed to life as a soft glow quickly developed into a bright flash. When the light was gone, there were now three ponies standing on my doorstep, the third being a red earth pony that I’ve never seen before. I stand here confused for a moment, I know I’ve seen him before. Perhaps around town maybe?

“Are crossovers your fetish Mark?”

“What? What crossover? He’s a pony same as you. How is this a—” My train of thought was sent careening off it’s rails as I realized where I had seen this pony before. “Fuckin Pokéhidden….”

“Mark? Are you—”

“FUCK YOU BRIAN! GET OUT OF HERE! I WILL NOT LIVE THROUGH THAT NIGHTMARE AGAIN! NOT NOW, NOT EVER!!” I picked up the pony and threw him with all my might, sending him spiraling into the direction of the sun and disappearing with a twinkle. I looked at Trixie, “Don’t you EVER bring him back here again! It took three years of therapy to forget about that fuckin game and so help me God you will not bring them back.”

“I have no idea what your talking about, anyway,” the blue unicorn turned away from my door and began walking away slowly. “Trixie has a show she must prepare for, you’re more than welcome to come, maybe afterwards Trixie can show you a few new tricks that she’s been practicing.”

Oh god she fuckin winked at me after that last sentence. Nope. Can’t do it. I will not have sexual intercourse with a pony. I look down at Fluttershy who was still smiling even though her guess was wrong.

“Can…can I come insi—”

I slammed the door on her face. I can feel them coming back, flooding back. The memories of when I played that game, I thought it was just an ok innocent game….how wrong I was. At first I tried to save Derpy….but then she repaid me with……

And then I helped Applejack with the farm, and returned Twilight’s book, and checked on Fluttershy……

The next thing I know I’m curled up in the fetal position sucking my thumb, humming the My Little Pony theme and wishing away these memories.

Fuck you Brian.
And fuck you Pokéhidden.

I’ve been scarred.