Author's Note

Okay so I deleted the last chapter because it was probably the main reason why this story got so many down votes. It was my first time writing smut and honestly, it was terrible. So, the sex tag will still remain for awkward sexual situations in the future, but it'll never go past a certain degree like the last chapter did. So, I'm sorry for everyone who wasn't keen on that smut craps I wrote, to make it up here's another chapter of smutless random featuring everyone's favorite pink pony.

Episode VI: The Pink Mare Strikes Back

Something’s wrong. I don’t know exactly what it is yet, but something isn’t quite right. I woke up this morning without any disturbances, any annoyances, any problems; that in itself is a problem. I awoke normally, took a shower, and now I’m here eating my eggs and toast. Such a normal morning was such a rarity for me and not seeing Dillon at all this morning made me feel uneasy. Perhaps today would be a normal day, boy, that’d be a blessing. “Maybe I’ll just curl up in bed with a good book and…”

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

I let out a deep sigh, it was the kind of sigh my father always let out when he learned of my ‘accomplishments’; it was a sigh of disappointment. Not entirely anxious to answer the door, I continued on eating my eggs; only once I had consumed them and my last piece of toast did I go to answer the knock.

“Fluttershy, I swear to God if you’re bringing me another bottle of ‘ranch, I’ll take the damn thing and shove it—” I couldn’t even finish the last of my threat due to the sight which was before me. Floating, high overheard blocking the light of the Sun and casting a seemingly never-ending shadow across the land was an Imperial Star Destroyer.

My jaw practically hit the floor at the sight, this was impossible! It couldn’t be real! Then again I was trapped in a land inhabited my mythical creatures and brightly colored ponies; so, I guess anything’s possible. When I finally found the strength to speak, the only thing that left my mouth was “WHAT IN LUNA’S BLUE ASS IS GOING ON!?”

As if to answer my question, something was descending near the empty field by my cottage, seeing as it was the only way to get answers I ran to the field where the aircraft had landed. The aircraft in question was an Imperial Shuttle, it hovered only slightly above the ground allowing its wings to retract before touching down for a soft landing. When the mouth of the ship had finally opened up, a large group of ponies wearing specially designed Stormtrooper armor poured from the shuttle and began making straight lines and forming a path from the ship to me. It was at this point that I began to hear the Imperial March score being played loudly from all directions around me.

Still in shock at what I was witnessing, I could only stand paralyzed as a tall and dark robotic looking figure emerged from the shuttle, slowly marching his way toward me. I recognized the character, anybody would, it was Darth Vader; or at least, someone with a bad ass costume and lots of money because as he drew closer I could even hear the breathing that Vader made in the movies.

Now, standing before me, Vader gave me a nod before speaking. “Good evening, Mark.”

Jesus! This guy is good! He even nailed the voice, I swear to Celestia’s holy ass I thought I was speaking to James Earl Jones himself! But then I realized that James would be too fat to fit in the costume. And then I realized something odd (as if everything happening right now wasn’t odd enough), I realized that this guy knew my name; and there was only one other human in Equestria. “Dillon!?” I exclaim.

“Hiya Mark!” Dillon said dropping his entire act with his usual hyperactive voice returning and raising a hand to wave at me in a speedy manner. “Pretty cool huh?”

“Dillon! What the hell!? Where did you get all this stuff!?”

“Internet,” he replied quickly yet nonchalantly. “You’d be surprised what you’d find on the internet, Mark. People and ponies sell some really cool stuff.”

“And how much did this stuff cost!? Damn it Dillon, you know we have a budget for the daily shenanigans you put me through but I highly doubt that we can afford all this!”

“Don’t worry about it,” Dillon waved me off with his black gloved hands. “If the budget starts to tank, we can always just get more money from the writer, duh.”

“WHAT WRITER!?” I snapped on him. Dillon was always one for not making sense, but this was out of the realm of his usual persona.

Dillon looked forward dramatically as though into a camera and whispered, “He must never know.”

It was at this point that one of the Stormtrooper ponies approached he and stood as straight as possible before addressing him. “Lord Vader, the Empress is still awaiting her introduction.”

“Oh, right,” Dillon cleared his through and was back to sounding like James Earl Jones. “Right, get back and formation and we shall do it the proper way.” Listening to Dillon’s orders, the pony scampered back into the line he was in. Dillon then turned back and addressed me, “Kneel before her majesty the Empress.”

“Don’t you mean ‘Emperor?” I tried to correct Dillon but he ignored my comment as though I never said it. As I was about to press him further, I stopped when I witnessed someone else emerging from the Imperial Shuttle. It was small and pony shaped, I couldn’t make out all of its features due to the large black hooded cloak which seemed to cover up the mares whole body. It wasn’t until she stopped walking in front of us that I could see her face under her hood. “Pinkie!?”

Dillon and Pinkie seemed to both ignore my outburst as the Vader copy just began kneeling before the hooded pink party pony with his head low. “What is thy bidding, my mistress?”

Now it was Pinkie’s turn to speak, and let me tell you, hearing the Emperor’s voice come out of the serious straight faced Pinkie still gives me nightmares to this day. “This human could be of great used to use, I sense the power of laughter is strong with this one. We must make him abandoned the light and join the dark side.”

“Holy shit Pinkie!? How the fuck did you do that!?” I exclaimed from both fear and curiosity.

“What, the voice?” the mare’s questions with her façade dropping as her usual smile and voice return once more. “I can do that for everypony, even you, watch.” Pinkie cleared her throat as well as made several coughing sounds before speaking again. “Damn it Dillon, you know we have a budget for the daily shenanigans you put me through but I highly doubt that we can afford all this!”

I stood frozen in shock once more, her execution of my prior bitching to Dillon was spot on. She even managed to mimic the small cracks my voice gets when I’m mad and I tell too loud; it was a flawless impression of me, it was almost scary.

“H-how—but you—and—what!?” I finally managed to get out after incoherently blabbing like an idiot.

“Told you, I can do everypony. I even taught Dillon and that’s why he sounds so much like James Earl Jones.” Pinkie let out a giggle as she moved a hoof up to close my mouth which was hanging open in shock. “Might wanna close that, you may end up choking on a Parasprite.”

That’s it, I’m done. I can’t take this, not today, maybe another time. Still trying to wrap my head around everything that’s happened, I walk back to my cottage, shut the door and turn the lock, then I began to aggressively bang my head into a wall for hours. Can I not have one day that’s normal in this world? Just one! That’s all I ask! Feeling my head begin to throb with pain, I crawl back to my bed and proceed to pass out, hopefully into a coma.