My Little Insert: Bronies are Equestrian (VERY Cancelled)

So Guys, where do we want to go first?” I asked, now that we had caught up (and figured out how to walk).

“Uh, we’re in Fluttershy’s backyard” Mike pointed out.

“So?” I asked

“Wouldn’t it make sense to, you know, visit Fluttershy?”

“I don’t want to scare the shit out of her…”

“Lets just go talk to her.” Matt jumped into the conversation.

“Alright, alright, fine!” I said, exasperated. I led the five of us over to Fluttershy’s front door, and politely knocked. After an entire minute of waiting, we decided she wasn’t home, so we decided to begin our trot towards Ponyville.

It was a perfect day. Celestia’s sun was high in the sky, soaking heat into our bodies and shining its bright light upon the rolling hills just outside of Ponyville. We passed by Sweet Apple Acres, its hills lined with trees, branches filled with luscious, red bulbs of juiciness. After a little longer we were approaching the front gates of Sweet Apple Acres, where we saw the farmhouse and the barn.

“I think we should go ahead and meet Applejack.”  Mocha said super excitedly. Wait, what? I thought Rainbow Dash was her favorite pony! Whatever. Mocha was galloping towards the front door of the farmhouse, kicking up clouds of dust as she ran. She saw an apple sitting on a wooden picnic table, however, and picked it up to eat it. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a massive red blur advancing rapidly towards Mocha. ‘Oh fuck’ is all I could think. The blur in question slammed into Mocha’s side, knocking her silly into the picnic table, which splintered into pieces. ‘DAAAAAMN!’ is all we could think. Mocha Sketch had just been impaled into a table by Big Macintosh himself.

Big Mac then whirled around and glared at us, looking ready to take on Celestia herself. As I cowered in fear behind Matt, Amanda slowly approached Big Macintosh with one of the cutest faces I’ve EVER seen.

“Excuse me, are you Big Macintosh?”

“Eeyup.”

“My name is…” She trailed off. What WAS her name? None of us had ever decided on that, and now we might pay for it. “My name is Modpony” We all audibly facehoofed.

“Modpony?”

“Yeah. I wanted to tell you that we just wanted to come and talk to Applejack. I apologize about my friend Mocha Sketch eating your apple there, but she…kind of gets distracted sometimes.”

“I’m mighty sorry about that.” Said a southern, female voice from around the corner of the house. “You said you needed to talk to me?” Applejack stepped out from around the corner of the house. Her orange coat gleamed in the glittering sunshine, beads of sweat rolling off of her face and sides. She approached us calmly, with a warm smile on her face as she adjusted her signature brown Stetson on her head, briefly showing her beautiful, blonde ponytail. “Now what can help ya’ll with?”

I approached Applejack, nervous on the inside, but cool and collected on the outside. “Well, we’re all new here in Ponyville, and we heard that the Elements of Harmony reside here. I understand you are the element of…Honesty?”

“Darn right I am! M’name’s Applejack. It’s nice to meet ya mister…”

“Flare. Flare Runner.”

“Pleasure to meet’cha mister Flare! And who are your friends there?”

They introduced themselves one by one.

“My name’s Modpony”

“I’m Keynote”

“Mike”

“I’m…ow…Mocha Sketch”

“It’s a pleasure to meet ya’ll! I-“

“Hey I know we just met you, and this is crazy. But I’m real thirsty, so-“

Mike’s reference was cut short by a hoof to the face from Modpony. “You know I HATE that song.” She growled.

“Okay, Okay, geez. Anyways, Applejack, I wanted to know if we could have a sample of some of that world-famous hard cider of yours?”

“Uh, pardon Mister Mike, but it isn’t cider season yet.” Applejack responded with a slightly confused look on her face.

“Is it Zap Apple Season?” Mocha asked, with a glitter in her eyes.

“Sorry Miss Sketch, but it ain’t Zap Apple Season yet either.”

“I apologize for our friends, Applejack.” Keynote said. “They can be a little… desperate at times.”

“Aw, there’s no need to apologize.” Applejack responded. Then a metaphorical lightbulb went off in her head. “Hey, I know ya’ll just met me and all, but I reckon ya’ll wanted to meet the rest of the Elements of Harmony?”

“Hey Yeah we do!” I responded, pushing forward. “Do you know where Rainbow Dash is? I really really really want to-“

I was cut short by a voice getting louder with a minor crescendo, which appeared to be coming from a blue blur:

“BUUUUUUUUUUUUU-“ The cyan blur and I screamed at the same time. The cerulean blur in question rocketed into my side, knocking me into the dirt and creating a crater that would make meteors jealous.

“Medic.” I stated weakly from the crater.

The figure on top of me slowly rose to brush itself off. As my vision realigned, I nearly gagged. Standing in top of me, brushing her beautiful cyan coat free of dirt and mud, was the Element of Loyalty herself. As I tried to get over the shock of what was happening, Rainbow Dash shook her beautiful, spectrum-colored mane back to its messy, yet organized state, sending small sparks of…feels…coursing through my body. I hobbled up to regain balance so I could maintain some of my coolness. Dash just looked apologetically at Applejack as if to say “I did it again!”. All I could say was “Rainbow Dash?!”.

“What? Oh hi there! Um… do I know you?” She asked. For the longest two seconds of my life, I stared into her eyes. Her beautiful, magenta eyes.

“Yeah, um, I mean, no, er… I’m Flare Runner” I said, attempting to correct myself as to keep my composure. I extended my hoof to her. She bro-hoofed me and responded “Nice to meet ya Flare! Your mane is like, so awesome!”

At this, I blushed, which was luckily mostly hidden by my dark blue coat. Rainbow Dash had just complimented me. Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh.

“Uh, erm, Rainbow Dash, I’d like you to meet my friends. This is Modpony, this is Mike, that’s Keynote, and that’s Mocha Sk-“ Before I could continue, however, Mocha had already jumped ahead of me.

“OH MY GOSH, HI I’m Mocha Sketch, and I freaking LOOVE you Dashiee!! Hug me aaaaaaaa!” Mocha had obviously drank a few too many lattes before the transportation. Or maybe she would always be that way as a pony. Oh sweet Celestia, no. No. Dear Celestia no. NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

“Well, I’d love to stick around guys, but  I gotta go meet up with the weather team. We gotta move some clouds over Ponyville within the hour. Catch ya later!” We were bewildered at her sudden departure, but we decided not to question it.

“Well, as I was GONNA say ‘fore RD crashed our party here, ya’ll want to go meet the rest of mah friends?”

“Hay yeah!” We chorused.