Elusive Inspiration

I woke the next morning feeling like I had just been held underwater, gasping for air and tearing at my sheets. The mannequin that normally stood at the far end of my room was knocked over, and had snapped from its stand, leaving it stuck on the floor, laying on its side. I regained my breath, looking around. Nothing else had changed. I had a horrible headache at that moment, my skull feeling like someone was chiseling away at the back of my head with a steady beat of a hammer. I groaned as the migraine echoed from the base of my spine all the way to my sinuses in pulses timed to my heartbeat. I stood, walking to my bathroom and opening my medicine cabinet. I took some painkillers, then returned to my room.

The mannequin was… oddly back to normal. I stared at it for a moment. Before I had left I swore it had fallen over and was broken… now it was once again standing upright. I shook my head and decided that it was best I didn't think about it. Not acknowleging my slipping grip on reality surely would keep the situation from worsening, that was how it worked in my novels after all. It was important that you did your best to act as if nothing is wrong… after all what would Sweetie Belle think of me if I were to come to her with this? I'd sound as if I was going crazy… or maybe just making it up.

Instead I walked out of my room, going downstairs. The sun was just barely over the horizon, letting in enough light to navigate my home by, but not much else. I went to my workroom and sat at my desk, letting out a sigh. Today I would call my client back and tell her that the dress was done, then arrange for pickup and payment. That was all I felt like I could manage. The next on my list could wait… she didn't need her gown until the fall anyways. In a few minutes I heard the sounds of small hooves on the stairs and knew Sweetie was up and getting ready for school. I stood and went out to the kitchen, smiling to her and pouring her a bowl of cereal. That earned me an odd look.

Normally I wasn't up this early… as a matter of fact ever since I had opened my boutique I had kept a fairly constant schedule, one that didn't let Sweetie see me until the evening due to how much I worked myself. I could see how this was a tad… puzzling to her.

“Hey, Elusive… you haven't really been acting normal lately...” My younger sibling said.

I stopped, holding the bowl with magic. I set it on the table, but didn't say anything. It was better not to alarm her, or say anything, really… after all it was just a rough patch, I'd work through it like always. This one was just a bit rougher than normal. She took the bowl and began eating. I had one myself, eating with her for the first time since I can remember. She didn't stop looking at me. Once she was done she sat at the table with me. I stared into my bowl, not knowing what to do or say. A few bits of wheat were left in the bowl, floating about the spoon's neck as it sat submerged beneath the surface. The clock on the wall ticked. Birds chirped happily outside.

“… are you okay?” Were the only words that reached me.

“Wha… come again?” I said, having missed the start of her sentence.

She seemed even more worried, now. “ Elusive, you're not acting like you normally do! You aren't busy anymore, you don't go outside, you barely write to your friends, and your last dress was due a week ago. I really need to know… are you okay? You're never up this early… I can't even remember you ever eating breakfast with me like this.”

I choked on my words as I replied. “Of course! What's the matter with me having breakfast with my little sister…? I just wanted to spend more time with you...”

She gave me a look that broke my heart. Her eyes looked like she was looking into my soul, trying to find what on earth was bothering me so much. In truth I was anything but okay. But she didn't need me to tell her that. After all I swore at that moment she knew. I was in shambles, inside and out. I hadn't brushed or combed my mane this morning… a practice I had done since I was a colt. I hadn't done anything with my tail, and I wasn't arranging the mannequins in the store window like I normally did this time of morning. I hadn't touched a sewing machine in a week, since I had been done with my last dress and simply never called to report it finished. I had just been drawing… and throwing designs away. The bin in my workroom was overflowing with papers of things I wanted to make… but I just couldn't bear to find out that it was just as unsatisfying as all the others.

“Brother… I hope that you're telling me the truth...” Sweetie Belle said as she took her bowl to the sink.

I nodded, smiling in the most hollow way. She ignored it and went about getting ready for school. I watched her, and the moment she was about to leave she turned back to me and waved a hoof. I waved back. The moment she left and the door latched I set my head on the table and did my best to hold back the sense of helplessness that was threatening to overwhelm me. It was the only thing I could feel… like I was drowning in my own ineptitude. I hated myself for making her worry. All for me not being creative enough to think of a good enough design. One to truly satisfy me, make me feel like an actual artist again…

I woke with my head on the workroom desk. I saw the rain as I sat up and felt the temptation to rest again. I honestly didn't have any urge to sleep anymore, but it was better than feeling like that. In front of me were cups of coffee, crumpled papers and pencils. The sound of the rain was relaxing… put my mind at ease. It helped me forget what this room was for. If I closed my eyes, I could almost forget what I had been doing in there. I sat with my head down again for a while… just listening to the sound of the raindrops on the roof and windowsill...

The sounds of foals roused me from my meditation, causing me to look up, across my desk and out the window again. They walked hapilly home from school, all talking amongst each other. They travelled in groups, save for one small pair of two. Those ones looked at the others, seeking out the those that strayed too far away. Much like a predator would wait for the weak and foolish to wander away from their herd, the pink and silver fillies watched for wanderers… and they found one. The same filly as yesterday, the lanky pegasus filly Diamond Tiara had tripped.

Seeing the pegasus walk her own way, the two bullies followed her. I wondered whether to help or not… I had only come in the aftermath last time, but with there being two of them now… I stood, getting my coat and umbrella before walking out into the street. I locked the door, but Sweetie had her own key so she could get in whenever she returned. I cast a charm on myself, lending myself near invisibility in the rain. The only betrayal of my presence was how the droplets hit and rolled off of my jacket and umbrella. With that I walked off after the three fillies.

I caught up to them quickly with my longer strides, the two tailing behind the pegasus at a slower walk. I matched their pace, walking along the front of the houses in order to make it more difficult to notice the absence of rain. Diamond Tiara began to hum as she walked… a cant that I was familiar with, but couldn't quite put my hooof on. As we walked the slate gray filly decided to speed up, gaining on the filly before suddenly cutting her off. She gave a false smile to the pegasus, now standing in front of her.

“Hey there Thunderclap… kinda interesting seeing you here. I thought you flew home these days.” Silver Spoon said, keeping the conversation relatively normal to start.

The taller pegasus looked away as she spoke. “It's raining… as much as I wanted to it's a lot of work to fly in the weather.”

Silver Spoon nodded, seeing as how the developing wings on her back would have a very rough time getting through the rain. The pegasus tried to move past her, only to have the filly step into her way again. Diamond Tiara stood behind Thunderclap, waiting for a signal to do something. In the meantime the slate gray filly chided her.

“Y'know I was always kind of wondering about your name. It sounds a bit like a boy's name, doesn't it? Very bold, strong… cool. But you're a filly, so it's a bit off.”

The taller filly looked down at her, losing patience with the conversation. “It's the name my parents gave to me, and I like it. Can I go now?”

On that cue Diamond Tiara walked around the pegasus, her normal superior posture making her almost at eye level with the pegasus. She cleared her throat, then levitated a great deal of mud from a nearby puddle. Thunderclap sensed something was wrong, as anyone would, and moved to walk away. Silver Spoon stepped in front of her again, stopping her just as her partner dropped a heaping pile of mud over the top of the filly. The two snickered at their taller classmate, Diamond speaking.

“There, boys like playing in the mud, right? We'll be sure to tell Snails that you like digging in the dirt like he does, maybe he'll think you're on his level.” The rich filly said, her subtle jab at Thunderclap's height and class hitting its mark.

“Yeah, try not to strain those delicate little wings of yours, carrying that giraffe body.” Silver Spoon added, a bit less eloquently than her accomplice.

I felt the urge to jump in just then… the sight of an adult in this situation would at least give the bullies pause, maybe make them walk away. But that would make things worse for Thunderclap, in the end. Her pride was already wounded, me rescuing her would only worsen matters. So I decided to wait. After a few more jabs at her the two bullies wandered off, leaving Thunderclap in the rain, cold and caked in mud. Once I was alone with the pegasus I released the charm, walking over.

Thunderclap was looking at her hooves, her mane shrouding her face. I reached out, resting a hoof on her shoulder. She jumped a bit, looking up at me. She relaxed a bit once she realized it was just me, one eye obscured by a mane coated in mud.

“Where did… did you see that?” She asked.

I nodded, using magic to seperate the mud from her mane and fur as I spoke. “Can you make it home without catching a cold or getting a fever?”

The filly, not wearing a jacket or having an umbrella, said. “Of course… I told you I live close by. Why do you care?”

“I would like to talk to your parents about this… it's getting worse.” I said, making sure her fur was clear with magic.

Once all the dirt was out of it she had a rather charming gray mane and fur the color of creamed coffee. She looked away from me, not caring to look me in the eyes.

“Well they aren't going to be here tonight. So you're out of luck.”

I blinked, looking down at her. “What do you mean? Are they going out tonight? It is Friday… I'd understand.”

“No, I mean I live with my older sister and my parents live in Canterlot.” She said.

“Ah… so, might I talk to your older sister?”

She looked away from me, turning to leave. “No, she probably isn't there anyways… she goes to all sorts of parties… she's supposed to watch me, but she never does.”

I looked at the ground, feeling bad for having brought it up. “I'm sorry…”

“Don't be. Just… stop following me okay? I can handle it on my own.”

I stopped at those words. I had felt like that just this morning… telling myself that the way I felt was temporary. I told myself I could handle it, and that everything would be just fine. Of course the entire time I had told myself that I had known the truth. I was sinking, I knew that I was falling slowly, and the way that this filly had just replied to me felt like what I would say. It gave me pause, made me see myself clearly for the first time in a long while. Thunderclap mirrored me, emotionally. So to leave her to this felt like doing the same to myself.

“Are you sure? You can stay the night with my younger sister, you most likely know her from school. Sweetie Belle?” I asked, worried for Thunderclap being alone at home, especially after what had just happened.

“I said no! I'm fine!” She said, walking away into the downpour without me.

I moved to walk after her… then stopped. She wasn't okay, she knew it. I knew too, but she couldn't be helped if she wouldn't let me. I turned, and walked back to by boutique. I took off my coat and put away my umbrella, looking at the clock. It had only been twenty minutes. I paused, then moved to walk upstairs. At the top of the steps were one of my mannequins, blocking the way. It seemed to look down at me, staring.

I levitated it out of the way, walking to Sweetie Belle's room before knocking. She answered just a short while later, looking up at me curiously. I cleared my throat a bit, then spoke.

“Can I talk to you about something?”

She tilted her head to the side, but nodded. “Sure, uh… what about?”

“Well, I've been seeing one of your classmates, I think her name is Thunderclap, walking home near here. She seems nice, but Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon have given her a hard time for two days in a row now. Could you and your friends maybe… help her out a bit? Walk with her when she goes home?”

Sweetie Belle nodded. “Okay, we can do that, but what do I say to her? And doesn't she already live with somepony else? Can't she walk her home like you used to?”

“It's not like that… her sister isn't home much. Just, do this for me? Tell her that I said to do it.”

“Okay, if you say so…”

She shut the door, leaving me to wonder what would happen tomorrow. I decided to go to my room. On the top floor of my home I found a unique sense of belonging. I could look out at Ponyville and feel above my problems, like they were as small and insignificant as the ants on the ground so far below. The mannequin that I had seen this morning was now over by my bed. I ignored it, instead going to my bathroom and turning on the shower. I needed to relax...