It was a day in Ponyville that was basically like every other day in Ponyville. This isn't inherently a bad thing, but it does mean that nopony was particularly paranoid or on-guard, which would have been helpful considering what was due. On this day, Twilight Sparkle was at the market with her slave Spike and a bag of bits, prepared to buy some fruits and veggies. She saw her friend Applejack's stall, and decided to say hello since there seemed to be no customers there.

"Hey Applejack!" Twilight yelled with a slightly fake cheerfulness, approaching the stall. "How's business?"

"Not great, 'Twi," Applejack replied simply, resting her head on her hoof in a disappointed fashion, fishing for sympathy. Spike looked confused, and started to speak.

"Not great? Why—"

"Oh, that's too bad!" Twilight interrupted, kicking Spike in the ribs with her hind leg. "I'll tell you what, Applejack. I'll take ten apples!" Twilight exclaimed, slamming her hoof on the stall with a fierce confidence. Applejack's ears perked up, but she tried to look sad. Spike still looked confused.

"You don't have to do all that, 'Twi. Don't go taking pity on me like that," Applejack replied with a hollow stubbornness.

"Nonsense, Applejack! It's no trouble at all!" Twilight said, a grin plastered on her face. "I need apples anyways, and it's a great excuse to help a friend!" Applejack shuffled her hooves and smiled.

"Well shucks, Twilight. If it's really no trouble..."

"Not at all! I insist!" Twilight insisted, floating five bits out of her bag and placing them on the stall counter.

"Well darn, thank you kindly Twilight! This'll help out with—"

Applejack was interrupted by an eerie noise similar to the sound of paper tearing. A silver door flashed into existence in the market, not far from Applejack and Twilight. It opened. Inside was a figure, shrouded by billowing fog. The figure stepped out of the door, and into Ponyville, amidst gasps and stares.

It was the human, naturally, in all of his bipedal glory.

The human stood about six feet tall, and wore light leather armor and a dark cloak. A hood covered his face in deep shadow. His club was in his right hand, and rested on his shoulder. His boots glowed with a wispy blue light.

While most of the ponies just stared, one mint pony suddenly bolted towards the human with alarming speed. The human looked at the fast-approaching green blur and readied his club. He swung it down suddenly. The green unicorn's horn snapped, and its head cracked like an eggshell. Blood sprayed out onto the nearby onlookers, and a pale yellow pony cried out.

"Lyra! No!" Bon Bon screamed, before running at the human, cursing and making filthy horse noises.

"Geez, these things have weak bones," the human said to himself. He took a notebook out of his pocket and wrote in it with a small pen. He placed the notebook back when he was finished, and gripped his club again. He swung it sideways this time, and it crashed into the approaching Bon Bon with incredible force. The pony's small body was flung to the side violently, knocking into Applejack's stall and demolishing it. The wood splintered and the whole structure collapsed comically, sending apples flying everywhere. The panic began.

"Alright, that's it!" Applejack's dirty hick voice stuck out amongst the din of screaming and galloping. She got to her hooves, adjusted her hat for a brief moment, then rushed at the human, pivoting at the last moment to deliver a kick to his leg. The human jumped back, avoiding the dangerous attack while laughing at Applejack's atrocious accent.

"Stay still, you varmint!" Applejack raged, rushing towards the human.

One quick strike of the club removed Applejack from the realm of the living. The human stood up proudly, resting his club on his shoulder and strutting in a large circle.

"Anyone else wanna get destroyed?" he shouted, beckoning with his arm and slamming his club into nearby ponies at random. Twilight furiously charged a spell and loosed it at the human, who thrusted his hips out and snaked around the projectile.

"Nice try, you worthless animal!" the human shouted, before taking a knife out of one of his cloak pockets and sending it whizzing towards Twilight. Right before the knife could dig into Twilight's throat, a cyan and rainbow form knocked it out of the air. This, of course, was Rainbow Dash.

"Alright, you big jerk!" Rainbow Dash screamed into the human's face, hovering in front of him like an oversized gnat. "What do you think you're doing, hurting my friends and—"

"Ka—BOOM!"

The club obliterated Rainbow Dash's skull and sent her crashing into the dirt.

Spike decided that now was the time to ditch the panicking Twilight and book it back to the library.

"Aw, are you gonna run away, little dragon?" the human shouted with cruel venom in his voice. The little purple dragon kept running.

"Spike, wait! I don't know what's going on!" Twilight screeched hoarsely, tears running down her face. The little purple dragon kept running. The human walked up behind Twilight, sighing melodramatically.

"Well, I guess friendship really isn't magic," he said, smiling smugly. Twilight turned, staring up at the human with a terrible mixture of shock and hatred.

The shock wore off. Twilight's face contorted, and a beam of purple light bursted from her horn, slamming into the human's chest and throwing him back. The human rolled a few feet from the force of the impact, And a smoking hole was visible in his torso. Twilight felt the taste of relief on her tongue, only to have it yanked away by Mr. Miyagi's chopsticks as the human stood up, chugged from a dull green bottle, and then raised his club yet again. The hole in his chest was slowly getting smaller.

"Not bad, purple thing," the human drawled. "Bet you can't do that again."

Twilight was more than willing to try.

Author's Note

Ah.