Tourette's Guy Goes to Equestria

Dear Twilight Sparkle...

I and my sister, Princess Luna are for one intrigued to hear about this human newcomer to Equestria. As you are aware, The Grand Galloping Gala is held tomorrow night and we would like for you to come to Canterlot as early as possible before the Gala so we can meet your human friend.

Encased in this letter are 7 tickets to Canterlot via the Ponyville express. I hope we can learn more about the human world from your new friend once you reach Canterlot.

Princess Celestia.

It was an early morning in Sugarcube Corner as Danny was watching the new TV that he had managed to relocate to with the help of Rarity and Twilight. Pinkie Pie was sitting next to him on the couch and was observing the many channels of streamed media due to Danny continuously switching channels in attempts to find a good show, he stopped upon what looked like a commercial for a fruit drink in Canterlot. The advert showed several fillies all bored sitting at a table when a large bottle of juice with legs appeared which made the fillies jump out of their seats in enjoyment. The bottle got out a pitcher of the same juice inside him and poured a glass for each of the fillies before a bottle of the same juice with a label reading Fruitti-tutti Juice appeared on screen.

"I COULD SHIT A BETTER KOOL-AID COMMERCIAL!!" Danny spat out making Pinkie flinch a little.

A knock could be heard on the front door.

"I'll get it!" Pinkie said as she bounced to the door and opened it, letting Twilight inside.

"Danny! Danny!" Twilight clambered to where Danny was and called out to him. Danny slammed his fists on the couch in frustration and hollered back.

"WHAT?!!" Twilight jumped back at the response but kept her composure.

"Sorry to disturb you! But I got a letter from the Princess this morning! She's invited you to Canterlot to attend The Grand Galloping Gala!" Twilight said in a pace almost as fast as Pinkie's.

"What the hell do you mean 'The Grand Galloping Gala'?" Danny snorted. Pinkie Pie grinned and bounced over.

"It's amazing, Danny! The Gala only happens once a year! And it's where only the most important of ponies are invited to Canterlot to attend a ballroom dance at Princess Celestia's castle!" Pinkie said with an excited giggle. Danny only responded with his typical stoic expression before taking another slug of his beer. Pinkie immediately gasped dramatically.

"Oh my gosh! I just realised! Danny doesn't have anything to wear for the Gala! Quick, to Rarity's!" Pinkie yelled out before dragging Danny out of Sugarcube Corner and heading straight to Carousel Boutique, leaving a dumbfounded Twilight still at the Corner.

"Well I must say, it would be an honour to make some clothes for our darling human friend!" Rarity chimed with eagerness. Pinkie Pie bounced with joy.

"Yay! This year's Gala is going to be the best!" Pinkie exclaimed, Danny of course was paying no attention and was slouched on the couch taking some more chugs of his beer.

"Oh, Danny dear! Can you come over here, please? I need to measure you for your Gala clothes." Rarity asked, Danny shrugged and marched over to Rarity who measured every length of his body including his torso, arms and legs. After several minutes of measuring, Rarity took notes of the measurements before retrieving the fabrics needed.

"I do hope that Danny will love his Gala suit. I've never really made clothes for a human before." Rarity said, a little anxious as she turned to find only her and Pinkie inside.

"Umm... Rarity, where did Danny go?" Pinkie Pie asked when she looked around also to no sign of the human.

"Well now, class. It appears we have a visitor today, and it's none other than the human newcomer himself, Danny!" The Ponyville School teacher, Cheerilee said to her class as Danny stumbled into the classroom and was met with stares from the colts and fillies. He had grown bored after being measured by Rarity back at Carousel Boutique and had instead decided to wander off until he met Cheerilee in Ponyville who invited him over to the school as an introduction to her class.

"Hey, Danny!" Sweetie Belle said, waving her hoof at the human with Applebloom and Scootaloo doing the same. Diamond Tiara gave Danny a cold glare while Silver Spoon sank her head under her school desk in fear.

"Now from what I have heard from Ms Twilight Sparkle, Danny here has Tourette's Syndrome, a human infliction that makes you do sporadic things randomly such as shouting vulgar words so If Danny says anything like that, then he doesn't really mean it. Understood, class?" Cheerilee explained, the class nodded as Cheerilee signalled Danny to follow her to the chalkboard.

"Now are there any questions you would like for Danny?" Twist raised her hoof.

"Yes Twist?" Cheerilee asked.

"Do you remember anything from back at your own world?" Twist asked the human.

"Yes. I bought some Colgate toothpaste, the one with Tartar Control. And it made me feel LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT!!" Danny explained before erupting another outburst. Some of the colts and fillies started to giggle while Cheerilee blushed with embarrassment.

"Well, umm... Is there anything you'd like to ask Twist now, Danny?" Danny nodded as he pointed a finger at the filly in question.

"Why don't you make like a banana AND SHIT!!!" Danny spat out, the whole class including Silver Spoon except for Diamond Tiara were desperately trying to stifle their laughter at this point. Applebloom raised her hoof.

"Yes, Applebloom?" Cheerilee said.

"Ah have my older sister, Applejack. My big brother, Big Macintosh. And Granny Smith. Don't ya have any family, Danny?" Applebloom asked.

"I love my grandma Jenelle, she's the sweetest person in the entire world. And god bless her..." Danny retorted.

"Awww..." Cheerilee, Sweetie Belle and Applebloom said with a smile.

"BUT SHE'S OLD AS FUCK!!!" Danny immediately burst out, which caught Cheerilee by surprise. The class couldn't take it anymore and the majority of them fell onto the floor in their laughing fit with Cheerilee trying to calm them down to no avail. Finally, the class calmed down from their laugh spree from the hearing of cuss words and got back on their seats.

"Now class, I'm certain that what Danny is saying may be rather humorous to you all, but we must focus on our schoolwork and not get distracted now. Okay?" Cheerilee spoke out, the class nodded when a clattering noise was heard outside.

"What's all the damn noise?!" Danny asked while walking to the window, Cheerilee looked out to see two stallions maintaining a wooden wagon that operated as a garbage disposal.

"Oh, the garbage disposal is taking care of the school waste." Cheerilee said.

"It sounds like Chewbacca taking a shit!" Danny interjected before mimicking said character's signature noise.

"Uhh... I'm certain that doesn't sound like somepony using the lavatory." Cheerilee assured.

"Yes it does!" Danny argued.

"No it doesn't!" Cheerilee argued back.

"Yes it does!" Danny retorted as he made the same noise again.

"Mr Danny, the garbage disposal does not sound like somepony using the restroom!" Cheerilee said with a more stern tone.

"Oh fuck you, you're grounded!" Danny yelled.

"What?! What for?!" Cheerilee said with a shocked look.

"Because you don't the garbage disposal sounds like Chewbacca taking a shit, that's why! Now go to your room!" Danny yelled at Cheerilee who gave a dumbfounded look. The class was giggling once again as a voice from outside yelled out.

"Do you mind? Someponies are trying to work here!" One of the stallion trash workers yelled out in annoyance. Danny poked his head out of the window.

"PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISS!!! Go count your dick!" Danny yelled back at the stallion who gave a disgusted glare. The class was laughing like crazy once more, Cheerilee facehoofed at the whole situation.

"Go count your dick!" Scootaloo mimicked through giggles, making her two friends laugh even more.

"Scootaloo! Do not repeat what Danny says!" Cheerilee scolded, but her angered voice was unheard from the entire class laughter. Diamond Tiara herself was starting to giggle at this point. Believing that his work here was done, Danny exited the classroom and left the schoolhouse, leaving a rather irritated Cheerilee with the still chortling class. Outside the school, Danny heard the bubbly voice of his landlord.

"There you are, Danny! I have been looking all over for you!" Pinkie Pie called out with a relieved expression, glad that her human friend wasn't hurt.

"What are you doing at Ponyville school?" Pinkie asked as she checked her surroundings and found the school house.

"My wife was fucking everybody in Bismark!" Danny replied without a second thought. Pinkie Pie cocked an eyebrow as Rarity chimed in.

"Danny! I have finally finished your Gala wear, come on!" Rarity exclaimed with passion as she lead Danny and Pinkie back to Carousel Boutique.

Danny turned around in multiple directions as he observed himself wearing a white tuxedo with trousers of the same colour and white canvas shoes. He gave an impressed nod with every turn when Rarity commented on the wear.

"Oh my, Darling! It must feel good to be in some new attire after so long! Now let me just remove this from your neck and--" Rarity said as she used her magic to unlatched the neck cast.

"NO!!!" Danny immediately cut her out and grappled the cast before reattaching it.

"Oh dear! I'm sorry! I didn't know you needed it that badly!" Rarity apologised with a flustered tone. That was when Sweetie Belle opened the door and entered the boutique.

"Oh hello, Sweetie Belle! Have a good day at school?" Rarity asked.

"It was great, Rarity! Danny was there and we all had a great fucking time!" Sweetie chimed. Rarity and Pinkie both went wide eyed at what the filly had just said. Rarity gave a nervous smile as she turned to Danny and the party pony.

"Err... Pinkie and Danny? Why don't you go outside and explore the rest of Ponyville while I take Sweetie Belle somewhere for a private talk? Here's your regular clothes back, Danny. I recommend you change back into them to avoid wrinkling your Gala suit." Rarity handed Danny his casual apparel back before he and Pinkie exited the Boutique.

"Where are we going, Rarity?" Sweetie Belle asked as she was lead upstairs by her older sister.

"Oh, just for a little talk, Sweetie." Rarity said, leading Sweetie Belle to the bathroom, hiding a bar of soap beside her.