Tourette's Guy Goes to Equestria

"Danny! Danny! Wake up!" Pinkie Pie bounced on the sleeping human in attempts to wake him up. Danny tossed and turned in his bed before giving an infuriated complaint from the continuous pounds of hooves pressed against him.

"Oh fuck!!" Danny managed to yell out.

"Come on, Danny! We gotta get ready for Canterlot!" Pinkie was still bouncing on Danny.

"It's what happens when Alex Trebek has a picture of a giraffe in his ass during an earthquake!" Danny spat out but Pinkie wasn't going to give up that easily. With no other choice, Pinkie took hold of one of Danny's arms with her front hooves and started to pull him out of bed. It was no easy task because of Danny's build, but eventually Danny was out of his bed but still refusing to get up. Pinkie continued to drag him across the floor until the staircase was just behind her, she pondered on how she would get the heavy human down the stairs with out causing any damage with out noticing that Danny's upper half was hanging over the case which was making his entire body slip off slowly.

"OW!! SHIT!! FUCK!! FAGGOT!! PISS!! ASS!!!" Pinkie was cut from her train of thought when the outburst of swears filled her ears, making her look down in horror to see Danny tumbling down the stairs, letting out a cuss every time he hit a stair. It was only a few seconds when Danny finally reached the bottom with Pinkie rushing downwards to tend to the fallen human.

"Danny!! Are you okay?!" Pinkie screamed in panic, hoping that Danny hadn't received any horrendous injuries or worse. Danny shifted a little in response, no only a few bruises but he was alive. Pinkie noticed this as she wrapped her forehooves around Danny in a tight hug, tears welling in her eyes as she spoke out.

"Oh Danny! Thank Celestia you're okay! I'd don't know what I would do if you had gone to the Sugarcube Corner in the sky except cry and cry and cry!!" Pinkie blurted out in a fast and grateful tone. After a moment of tight hugs, Pinkie helped Danny back up before leading him to the kitchen for some breakfast to prepare for their and the other's outing in Canterlot.

Outside the Ponyville Express Station, Twilight, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Rarity were awaiting Pinkie Pie and Danny to arrive, Rarity's face was growing with concern while Rainbow Dash was lying on a nearby cloud out of boredom.

"Gosh, I hope Pinkie and Danny dear haven't run into any trouble." Rarity's voiced emanated with worry.

"Ah wouldn't worry, Rar. Pinkie probably had trouble gettin' Danny ready." Applejack reassured just as they all heard the familiar high pitched voice call out.

"Hey guys! Sorry about that, had to drag Danny out of bed!" Pinkie Pie chimed, bouncing over to the five with Danny slowly following behind, the bag with his Gala suit in his hands.

"Just like ah thought." Applejack muttered with a smirk. Rainbow Dash retreated from her resting cloud and joined the others.

"Just in time, Pinkie and Danny." Rainbow said patting a hoof on Pinkie's back as the sound of a chugging locomotive filled all their ears, motivating them look over to the far track to see the Ponyville express slowly approach the station until it reached it's stop and slowed to a halt with a screech.

"Alright, to Canterlot!" Dash exclaimed, the group presented the conductor their tickets and entered the passenger cabinet. Due to the size, Danny had a little trouble with getting comfortable. There was barely little space to stand so he had to sit on his ass for the whole trip.

"IT'S LIKE I'M COMPRESSED INTO JOHN TRAVOLTA'S TINY BALLS!!!" Danny yelled out in frustration, making Rainbow Dash laugh like usual.

"We're here, Danny!" Twilight said, Danny looked out the window to find a bustling royal city. Further into the city was a tall castle that glimmered among the city as the train soon slowed to a stop and a masculine voice echoed through the area.

"Welcome to Canterlot! Please be sure to gather your belongings and have a great time!" One by one, the ponies and human retrieved their essentials and exited the train line. Rarity took in the air and smiled.

"Ahhh, don't you darlings just love that Canterlot air? The smell of royalty and beauty mixes well with the wind!" Rarity complimented the atmosphere, Twilight and Fluttershy nodded while Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Pinkie shrugged. The group began their trek to Canterlot castle with the majority of the citizen ponies displaying shocked stares focused at Danny. One of the ponies piped up.

"What in Celestia's name is that thing?!"

The ponies and human reached the front doors of the castle, two stallions donning golden plate armour stood in guard with stern expressions. They parted from the doors and nodded as the entrance opened to reveal the interior which had paths of red carpets that lead to one open doorway on the left and right while the forward was the direction to a staircase, on top were two alicorns, one was much taller and seemed to match the same height as Danny. She had a coat of pure white, much like Rarity's, her mane had streaks of pink, green and blue that flowed and sparkled as if a wind was blowing it along while a golden crown was fixed upon her horn. She wore a necklace and slippers that were the same crown material on her hooves along with the marking of the sun on her flanks. The other alicorn was coated in dark blue with her mane a night blue that flowed in the same manner as the other alicorn's. She wore a black necklace that had the emblem of a crescent moon, her slippers were a bright blue while she had the tattoo of a moon on her flanks. Upon closer inspection, she appeared to be slightly shorter than the white alicorn. They both that warm welcoming smiles on their muzzles.

"It is good to see you all, my little ponies." The white alicorn spoke out with a graceful voice, the ponies all bowed in respect while Danny just stood there.

"It is good to see you too, Princess Celestia." Twilight said with a smile, Celestia looked over her to see Danny just standing.

"Is this the human you described in the letter?" Celestia asked curiously pointing a hoof at said human, Twilight regained her stance and nodded.

"Yes, princess! This is Danny, he's a human--" Twilight said when Danny gave another outburst.

"It's easy to give a shit because Dennis is so full of shit!" Twilight and Rarity put a hoof to their muzzles and blushed in embarrassment.

"And who decides upon themselves to use such language in this castle?!" The dark blue alicorn bellowed in her authorative voice which got Danny by surprise.

"HOLY SHIT!!" Danny spat out before brining a finger to inside his ear.

"Luna, I believe this is the effect of this 'Tourette's Syndrome' that Sir Danny has." Celestia said firmly.

"Oh. My deepest apologies, Sir Danny!" Luna apologised with a bow. Celestia trotted down the staircase to get a better view of the human.

"Interesting, In all my years have I never seen such an intriguing species." Celestia commented. Luna followed behind to get a better look as well.

"Twilight Sparkle, I wish to learn more about Danny's species if possible. Would your friends care to join us?" Celestia asked. The other ponies nodded as Celestia lead them into one of the rooms.

"Wait here, Mr Danny." Luna instructed before following her sister.

...

"Ugh, what is this hairless ape doing in Canterlot Castle?!" A snooty masculine voice entered the room after the group had gone. Danny looked to his left to see a prim white unicorn stallion with a yellow mane.

"I, Blueblood never asked to be greeted by some overweight monkey with glasses!" The unicorn spoke again, Danny was already getting annoyed by the stallion's jerkass attitude.

"What the hell crawled in your dick?" Danny snorted. Blueblood sneered at him.

"I suggest you look who you're actually talking to with those glasses! I bet you can't even see through them! Why don't you get your flank out of my sight and get an actual working pair, you two legged freak?!"

"WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCK OFF!!" Danny spat out in anger, this only encouraged Blueblood to continue being a total dick at Danny.

"I'd ought to get on of the guards to cut out that spiteful tongue of yours! Stop wasting my time and just get out of here, you ape-like vagabond!"

That finally set him off, Danny screamed "PISS!!!" at the top of his lungs before charging at Blueblood and giving him a major smackdown. After several punches and kicks, Danny had Blueblood in a headlock, his nose was dripping with blood and he several bruises visible on his coat. Danny continued to punch Blueblood in the gut which made the stallion inch closer to vomiting out blood and viscera when he managed to break free and push Danny off and walk away with a stiff upper lip and a bit of a limp.

"DICKHEAD!!" Blueblood heard Danny yell out, but decided not to increase the argument for he would possibly receive several more rage induced bruises.

At this point, Danny had to use the bathroom.

"I see..." Princess Celestia began as the group of ponies returned from out of the doorway they entered several minutes ago.

"So this human is from a human landscape known as America and came here from a toaster." Celestia concluded, Luna on the other hand was fuming.

"Is there something wrong, Luna?" Celestia asked.

"Argh! No wonder my teleportation spell didn't work correctly!" Luna yelled in frustration.

"Princess Luna?" Twilight said, Luna sighed.

"I was trying to use a teleportation spell to get a new toaster after my old one would no longer work. But instead, I brought in the human." Everyone gasped.

"You mean you brought Danny to Equestria?!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed.

"Yes..." Luna said with a regretful frown. "I'm sorry if I had caused any trouble at all."

Pinkie Pie was about to comfort Luna and tell her about the fun they had with the human when Applejack suddenly piped up.

"Where the hay is Danny?!"

Danny looked through another doorway to find no toilet anywhere in the room and scowled angrily. He had been looking almost all around the castle to find a restroom after his tangle with Blueblood. There was one last door in the hallway he was in and he opted to look inside only to become face to face with a chef pony, turns out he had found the castle's kitchen.

"There you are, Danny! Everypony's been looking for you when you-- Danny, what are you doing?! That room is for important ponies only!" Twilight called out just as she found Danny looking into the kitchen door. Danny however was in no mood to take her warning seriously because of his frustration of finding a bathroom. He peeked his head out of the door and yelled at Twilight.

"I don't give a Shit... SHIT... SHIT!!!!" Danny slammed the door and walked over to the end of the hallway that parted two ways, in the middle was a lone door. Without thinking twice, Danny inched to it.

"Danny! No, wait!!" Twilight hollered.

Too late, Danny grabbed a hold of the door and forced it open revealing a pink alicorn with a mane that hanged down and was streaked with yellow, pink and purple. The alicorn seemed to be in some kind of funny position, she was sitting on her hind legs on a double bed with one of her forehooves supposedly in between her legs while she was staring at a poster of a white unicorn with a blue mane. She turned her head after hearing the door open and screamed. Danny took no notice of what she was even doing and blurted out once more.

"Where'd the assholes that built this place put the bathrooms?!!" Twilight grabbed Danny's hand with her magic and pulled him away to the restrooms before calling out.

"Sorry, Princess Cadance!!" The alicorn in question stumbled to the door and closed shut to avert any other ponies invading her privacy when she suddenly stopped in her tracks.

"What the... What was that at my door?" Cadance muttered with an estranged look on her face.