Salt, Anger, And Booze

Salt, Anger, And Booze
Epilogue: OH COME ON!

By: Major Frostwing

I was walking in Canterlot Castle making my way towards the throne room. It has been 4 years since I killed Tirek and returned to everyone. I smiled to myself as I adjusted both Umbra and Solaris on my back. A few of the guards looked to me as I moved my shadow around as it suddenly stood up next to me revealing Nightmare Moon walking next to me.

"I sense nothing out of the ordinary Jon so stop being so paranoid." Nightmare said as I rolled my eyes.

"I am allowed to be paranoid Nightmare it's in my nature." I said as I saw the doors to the throne room with two guards flanking them. I gave them a two finger salute as I walked up to the doors kicking them open with a loud bang. "OH TIA I'M HOME!" I yelled as the windows rattled from my volume.

"I heard." Celestia said with a sigh seeing Blueblood on the ground hands over his ears. "I was in the middle of discussing something with my nephew." I let out a laugh as Nightmare returning to being my shadow.

"Was it kicking him out so he will learn something about the real world?" I asked as Tia shook her head.

"You know why I called here Jon. You are the Fist of the Kingdom after all." I smiled nodding my head.

"Yea so what am I dealing with now? It better be worth pulling me away from my wife... It is date night after all." I said with a smile slamming my fists together.

"I have been getting some rather interesting letters from a new threat." Celestia rolled her wrist as a single letter floated into her hand. "You can go over it at your leisure." I floated the letter over to myself reading it over.

"I'm coming for you... Well that is fucking boring." I muttered as I burned the letter still seeing Blueblood on the ground trying to regain his senses. "WILL YOU GET OFF THE GROUND YOU INSIGNIFICANT WORM!?" I asked kicking Blueblood once in the ribs knocking the wind out of him.

"Jon." Celestia said warning me if I continued I would be in trouble.

"I'm done." I said raising my hands as I felt a disturbance in the air. "Oh ho ho looks like I'm not done." I said turning around drawing Umbra. The doors to the throne room were thrown open as the two guards landed in a heap at my feet. I rolled my neck as my armor moved like liquid up my arms encasing them it black and silver metal.

A man charged into the throne wearing a dark red robe as he cackled like mad. I looked at him raising my eyebrow at him as he pointed dramatically at Celestia. "I have defeated all of your guards Celestia you will fall under my magical might." He cackled more as I grit my teeth raising my hand as my magic took hold turning into a pistol. I aimed down the sights letting out a whistle.

"Oi fuck wit." I said as he looked at me. "Bang." I said with a smile as I shot him in the chest knocking him to the ground. "Well that was annoying and lack luster." I said with a sigh. I saw the man stir getting to his feet.

"Well that is a little impressive." Celestia said as I saw the small cracked shield he had put over his chest.

"I am all powerful... Only my magic can pierce this shield so you have been beaten Celestia." He raised his hand charging a small ball of black magic before launching it at me. I rolled my eyes raising my own hand as wisps of black smoke raced up my arms and legs engulfing my whole being corrupting me as I smiled a full mouth of razor sharp teeth. I caught the orb as the force only pushed me back a few feet.

"Next time..." I reared back charging up my own spell as small rings appeared before me. "ADD MORE PEPPER!" I yelled as I threw the orb as hard as I could causing a small shock-wave of energy from the speed of my thrown. The ball passed through the first ring as it picked up more speed hitting the second ring and then the third and finally the forth each time getting faster and faster. The orb slammed into the man's chest before exploding from the force throwing him right through the wall of the castle as he flew off into the distance. I stood back up straight spinning my wrist smiling. I brought my fingers to my lips. "Mwah! Now that's a spicy." I said as I felt my magic recede to it's normal levels.

"As usual whenever I bring you here to deal with a threat you destroy part of my castle." Celestia said shaking her head.

"OH COME ON!" I yelled as she let out a sigh. "Only one wall and you throw a fit. Next time you deal with it." I waved my hand good bye as I was preparing to teleport. "You know where to find me Tia now I am going back to my wife. Date night waits for no man." I said as I teleported away.

I appeared outside my home in Ponyville. I stood there for a second summoning a mirror looking myself over. "Nightmare is my hair ok?" I asked as I moved my hair around a bit as Nightmare appeared by my side.

"Jon your hair is always a mess." She said with a sigh.

"Perfect!" I said with a smile dismissing the mirror before opening the door. "Oh Honey I'm home!" I yelled only for a knife to fly across the room sticking next to my head. I glanced at the knife before looking at my wife as she smiled at me flipping another knife in her hand.

"You're late." She said calmly as I nodded my head.

"Celestia wanted me to deal with a threat and I dealt with it. We are still in time for the movie and dinner." I pointed out as the second knife went sailing towards me. I caught the knife in my magic stopping it before my heart. "Now it would be a shame to break the heart you poured all that time into fixing." I pointed out before moving both knives into the knife block. "I see you have been practicing." I said walking up to her wrapping my arms around her. She let out a sigh hugging me back.

"Why did I marry you again?" She asked as I pulled away.

"I think it was because the only way I could propose to you was with a very sappy and might I add sad display on my part... I even wrote out an entire plan of attack for the thing... Which you found a day early and proceeded to make fun of me... But I did go through it anyway." I explained slowly realizing how pathetic it all sounded coming out of my mouth.

Red giggled as she wrapped me back up in a hug. "Have I told you I love you today?" She asked as I let out a chuckle.

"Right before I left but I could listen to it all day." I gave her a tight hug letting out a content sigh. "I love you Red."

"I love you too Jon." She said back as she gave me a kiss. I happily returned it as I heard a loud explosion coming from outside. We both let out a groan as I drew Umbra. "I hate being the Fist of Equestria..." I muttered walking towards the door.

"You got 10 minutes!" Red yelled as I sighed.

"Only need 10 seconds." I muttered as I ran out to take on whatever poor fool interrupted my night a smile on my face. I wouldn't trade anything for this.