Salt, Anger, And Booze

Salt, Anger, And Booze
Bonus 1: Meet The Parents

By: Major Frostwing

-1 Year After The Defeat of Terik-

"Jon. We got a problem." Red said as we sat at the kitchen table sipping at our coffee.

"What kind of Problem?" I asked as Red looked up from the letter she was reading.

"I just got a letter from my parents. They want to meet you." I nearly choked on my coffee as I quickly removed the cup from my lips.

"Red that is a very bad idea." I pointed out as she nodded. "Sweetie I barely can leave the house without having to deal with some crazy fuck trying to destroy the world. Plus I'm not good at dealing with parents I'm better at fighting than sitting calmly at a table sipping coffee and idle chit chat." I pointed out as she looked at me with a flat look.

"Jon this is what we do on a daily basis." Red said motioning to the cups of coffee in front of us and the papers spread around the table.

"I can do that with you because it actually puts me in a good mood. Anyone else and I get pissed off."

"Jon you need to meet my parents. We need their blessing." I rolled my eyes leaning back in my chair running my hand through my hair letting out a sigh.

"Fine we can go meet your parents... But I am not leaving home without my blades. I am not gonna be caught flat footed again." I said pointing an accusatory finger at her.

"I asked for you to leave them behind for one date and Ponyville had an Ursa attack... GET OVER IT!"

"NEVER!"

We both sat on the train heading for Manehatten. Both of my blades were sitting in storage in a large briefcase. Celestia noticed that I wanted to take the blades with me wherever I went so she decided to get me a briefcase that was large enough to hold both Umbra and Solaris. I loved the briefcase but it was rather bulky at times.

"Jon are you still awake?" Red asked me as I looked down at her with a smile.

"Yea guess I'm not too tired." I said as I turned my attention to the window seeing the city of Manehatten. "We will be departing soon." I said as I felt Red grip my hand a little more tightly.

"Are you nervous?" Red asked as I let out a chuckle.

"Not even a little." I said with a cocky grin but on the inside. "FUCK ME SIDEWAYS WITH A CACTUS I'M FREAKING THE FUCK OUT!" Glad no one can read my thoughts.

"We are arriving at Manehatten Station please mind the doors." A loud speaker spoke as both me and Red got to our feet.

"I'll carry the bags." I said stretching out my back and arms. "I could use the exercise." I said as Red wrapped her arms around my torso. She only did this when she was worried. I gave a light smile as I set my hand on her arms. "It will be ok Red I know what I am doing." She nodded into my back as she released me just as the doors slid open.

"This should be fun." I said to myself as I went to go grab our gear.

We stood before a large mansion near the center of the city. I let out a low whistle as I floated all of our bags behind me but kept my large case in my hand. "I didn't know your family was loaded." I pointed out as Red gave me a sheepish smile.

"You never asked." She said as I let out a small chuckle.

"It's cool I'm not marrying you for the money. I am marrying you because I love you." I gave her a small kiss on the cheek as she smiled. I adjusted the case in my hands as I knocked on the door. "Time to pray." I muttered to myself as the door was flung open and a white and dark red blur came out of the door tackling Red. I quickly moved my magic catching Red before she hit the ground.

"SIS!" I heard a young squeaky voice yell out as I saw a small little girl latched firmly onto Red.

"Heart Beat!?" Red yelled out as I moved my magic bringing Red back to her feet. "It's so good to see you." Red returned her little sister's hug as I just gave the two a smile.

"AHEM!" A loud voice was cleared behind me as I jumped slightly from the volume. I slowly turned my head to see a woman smaller than Red by at least half a head which made me have to actively look down at her. "I take it you are my Daughter's husband to be?" She said as I gave her a very weak smile.

I could see the glare she was sending my way. Every ounce of my body screamed at me to fight and attack but for some reason... This woman's anger seemed to match my own. She had platinum white hair along with a gentle pink fur her eyes on the other hand she dark grey eyes. I reached up and scratched the back of my head smiling nervously.

"Yea my name is Jon it is a pleasure to meet you Mrs.?" She held out her hand to me as I set down my case to see a knee coming on a collision course with my face. I flexed my magic seizing the woman bodily slamming her against the wall. I was looking at her with wide eyes at how I was caught off guard so easily. It made my blood boil.

"JON!" I jumped as I looked back at Red as she walked towards me. I grimaced as I saw the look she was giving me. "Release my mother."

I nodded my head as my magic cut out lowering her to the ground.

"Mom I sent you a letter to not do this." Red said pinching the bridge of her nose. "Be happy Jon was not expecting a fight."

"I like him." Red's mother said as she walked back over to me. "All your other boyfriends cried when I attacked them." She wrapped me up up in a hug before squeezing as hard as she could which let out a loud string of cracks from my spine.

"Jon this is my mother... Heart Stopper... She was a fighter back in her days..." Red said with a sigh.

"I can tell." I muttered as I flexed my arms breaking out of her hug. I reached down to lift my case when Heart Stopper picked it up first.

"Allow me." She said as I pointed at the case before flicking my fingers down which ripped the case out of her hand and dropped it to the ground with a solid thud.

"I think not... These are mine." I said picking up the case. "Only I can carry this." I magicked the rest of the bags into the air as I walked forward.

"Mother I warned you about starting something with Jon. Now he is wary about you and is most likely formulating some sort of plan to deal with you if he has to." Heart Stopper just let out a hearty laugh.

"This dinner wouldn't be fun if there wasn't at least a little violence." She said as she laughed once again following after me.

I sat at the table waiting for dinner with Red on my right and her little sister on my left. I looked around seeing Red's mother and her father... Her mother kept her eyes on me as I stared right back at her.

"Sweetie can you stop glaring at our guest?" Red's father a man by the name of Weak Pulse said as both me and Heart Stopper locked eyes on him. He quickly looked down at his stew idling stirring it with his spoon. We slowly locked eyes once again.

"Jon I know what you are thinking but you are not allowed to fight my mother." Red said as I continued to stare forward.

"She swung first... I'm just thinking how to repay that little kindness." I muttered as my eyes flickered with corruption.

"Jon." Red said warning me as Heart Stopper held her hands up in surrender.

"Come on Red if the boy wants to lose than he is welcome to." Heart Stopper said with a cocky grin. I cracked my own.

"I always wondered how you were able to put up with someone like me Red." I snapped my fingers as two clouds of dust surrounded Heart Beat's ears. "I can see now that your mother is quite the fucking bitch." I crossed my arms leaning back in my seat.

"You trying to start something?" Heart Stopper asked as I smiled widely.

"It already started." Heart Stopper got up from her seat knocking her chair over as I got up as well.

"YOU! ME! OUTSIDE! NOW!" She bellowed as I smiled even more widely.

"JON!" Red yelled as I froze.

"HEART!" Red's dad yelled as she froze.

"Sit down and eat." The both said calmly.

Both me and Heart Stopper clicked our tongues as we picked up our chairs sitting down. I snapped my fingers as the mist around Heart Beat's ears disappeared.

"We will finish this another time." I muttered out as Heart Breaker nodded to me.

Dinner had finished and we were all sitting in the living room drinking coffee and tea. It was silent but I was still wanting to fight.

That's when a loud explosion echoed through the city. All of us looked to the windows except me and Heart Breaker.

"I told you Red." I said as I got to my feet lifting up my case. "I'm gonna go deal with this little problem." I walked towards the door.

"You got 20 minutes Jon." Red said returning to her cup of coffee.

"Aren't you worry about your future husband?" Heart Breaker asked as she watched me.

"You can come watch Mrs. Breaker. I always fight harder with an audience." I said as I opened the door.

"I guess I can see what makes you so special to my little Red." She said as she got to her feet following me.

"Come back safe Jon." Red said with a sigh. "Scratch that. Come back with minimal injuries." I let out a hearty laugh as I opened the door walking out into the chaos that was Manehatten.

I only had to take two steps out of the house when I saw what was causing all of the trouble. I saw a large squadron of griffons dropping little bags on the streets below. "Hey Breaker. Where is a field that I can really cut loose?" I asked as I shifted my case so it was sitting on my back.

"You can take them to the outskirts but I have no idea how you are going to get their attention." I smiled as I rolled my wrist as my magic poured out of my hand.

"Direction and distance if you would kindly." I continued to roll my wrist as more magic poured out.

"South East about 23 miles." I tilted my head as a loud crack echoed out.

"A little farther and more targets than I would like but that makes it fun." I held up my hand as a dark purple mist covered the griffons as they disappeared in tiny flashes of purple. I nodded my head as I set my hand on Breaker's shoulder. "Let's go have some fun." I said as we both disappeared as well.

Both me and Breaker appeared before the confused Griffons. I let out a piercing whistle as they all looked to me and Breaker. "Hey boys mighty sorry about the sudden teleport but I need all of you to sit still right here while I get ready." I snapped my fingers as a large dome was erected around the area sealing us all inside.

"Who in Tartarus are you?" One of the griffons who I assumed was the leader yelled out as I flicked the clasp on my case opening it as two swords floated out of the case along with two holsters.

"I'm just a guy who happens to be visiting Manehatten to meet the parents. Problem is, is that you decided to attack today." I shook my head as my holsters floated over securing to myself. "Normally on any other day I would be annoyed but I was put into a bad mood so I'm gonna kill you all to make me feel better." I pointed out as I took hold of my swords.

"What can one man do against an army?" The leader asked as his men cheered.

I rolled my eyes as I raised my hand my magic moved forming my pistol. "Something like this." I squeezed the trigger as the gun let out a flash of dark purple and a loud bang. The spell bullet ripped right through the head of the leader. "Now let's have us some fun." I dismissed my gun as I ran my hand through my hair feeling it go whispy at my touch. Slowly my skin turned black as pitch and my eyes turned. I drew Umbra from it's holster running into the fight.

When I reached the first griffon all he could do was look up as Umbra revved up activating the moving teeth on the blade. I slammed the blade down on his head as blood and gore was thrown around the battle field. Most of the griffons backed away in horror as I quickly turned my blade onto a few more cutting them down with no hesitation.

One of the griffons got a hold of himself as he swung his blade at me. I let out a yell of rage as I slammed my blade into his stomach revving the blade once. I lifted him up as I continued to rev Umbra. "COME ON AND FIGHT ME!" I yelled as I threw the body into a group of griffons. More and more of the griffons began to come back to their senses only to lose them as anger consumed them. I smiled widely as the fight picked up in pace. Eleven down about a hundred left.

-5 minutes worth of needless bloodshed caused by a very angry man who only knows how to deal with his problems with a chainsaw on a stick...-

I stood in the center of the battlefield with a large smile on my face laughing happily. "Fuck yea that's the stuff." I said as I slid Umbra home. I turned back to see Heart Breaker looking at me with a scarred look on her face. "What?" I asked as I raised my eyebrow.

"What are you?" She asked as she took a step back.

"Oh shit I forgot to do something." I reached into my back pocket pulling out a wallet flipping it open to show her. A bright gold and sliver badge reflected the light of the sun as I tossed it to her. "I am simply the guy who keeps Equestria safe. That's my badge and I get to deal with every threat however I see fit." I said with a smile as I looked down at my outfit.

"What?" She asked baffled.

"Yea most people don't know how to deal with this little bombshell." I flexed my magic as the blood floated off of my body before splatting to the ground. "Anyway I got to send something real quick." I wrote up a letter sending it on it's way. "Now let's get back to your house while Celestia cleans up after my mess." I slid my hands behind my head as I began to gather my magic. My corruption slowly receded to nothing as my blades floated back over to my case being secured inside. I closed the case lifting it up setting my hand on Breaker's shoulder teleporting us back to her home.

"Jon can you guarantee my little Red's safety?" Breaker asked as I nodded my head.

"I would rather die than let her be hurt." I said as I lifted my shirt revealing the two twisted scars on my chest. "And I will do it more than once." I said as Breaker nodded to me.

"Then I have no trouble giving you our blessing. BUT!" She said as she got in my face. "If something so much as hurts my little girl I will break you. I will break you so much not even magic will fix you." I cracked her a smile.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." I said as I held out my hand to her. She went to grab it as I decked her across the face knocking her to the ground. "THAT'S FOR TRYING TO KNEE ME IN THE FACE MOTHER FUCKER!" I bellowed as Breaker got back to her feet.

"OUTSIDE!" She yelled as we both quickly ran outside.

I knew I heard Red Mutter something along the lines of. "Celestia smite me now."